Original Fic: Line in the Snow

[Patches]

Working Title: Line in the Snow (Alternate Title: Resolution

Author: Patches

Rating: NC17 – language, explicit sex

Disclaimer: An original work of fiction – all rights reserved.

Distribution: Written for Inward Eye,

ETA RE: Distribution. I'm kinda hoping this might, with some serious polish and editing during final drafts, be submitted for publication. So, until the FOAD letters pile up from publishers, this story is the exclusive domain of the Kitten and Inward Eye. Please don't copy elsewhere. Muchly thanks!!



Feedback: Bring it on – good, bad I want it all. Constructive criticism makes me … well, you know …

This is the first work I’ve attempted in first person. I set out to create a sense of movement in the scenes and hope the story “reads” like a movie, creating vivid images for the reader through characterization, setting and character interactions. Love to hear what works and what doesn’t.

Summary: I’m sure there’s a plot here somewhere. No, really. [ETA: If you're just starting this, as of (01-22-04), this story actually has a plot. -lol]

Aprox length: Somewhere between a novella and novel.

Posting Schedule: about a chapter a week. The story is 90% (now 60%)complete; I’m just tweaking the final chapters, and adding a lot more in between.



Thanks for reading

Cheers!!

Patches

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Chapter 1



Fragmented sounds of the vaguely familiar assaulted me, forcing me into a partial state of consciousness. Noise from every quarter invaded my being, louder than the beaches at Normandy: D-day was upon me. I felt, rather than heard the stylus pick up and return to the beginning of the record and Benjamin Britain’s discordant War Requiem whirled again on my antiquated stereo. From the flank: the alarm clock blaring We’ve Only Just Begun dragged me to a higher consciousness. Consciousness required I open my eyes.



Regretfully, I obeyed.



First mistake. I felt rather than heard my mouth exclaim, “ugh,” as bright, manmade light imprinted itself on my optic nerve and in a most regrettable heartbeat my world came into view, sort of.



I turned my head toward the alarm clock. Mistake number two. The motion set off fireworks behind my eyes and I unsuccessfully willed the light to aim at anything other than that same optic nerve, which during the night had rewired itself to every pain receptor in my body. I easily imagined the smoke turning my otherwise unremarkable brown eyes into lumps of cindered charcoal. I decided both echoic open concept lofts and electricity were definitely overrated.



The phone rang, loud and shrill in the still air of the pre-dawn of my awakening. Four rings. Good, the answering machine can get it. On the other side of the room the back-up alarm clock began to crescendo: beeping urgently at me to attend to it. I pulled my pillow over my head to drown out the cacophony. What had I done to deserve this? I paused, exactly what did I do last night. I lay motionless on my bed, battling a sudden and confusing sense of loss and longing.



A few seconds later, the phone rang again. I ignored it with a note to self moment: become a Luddite – eradicate machinery. While gleefully pondering an existence without technology, the Birthday Song chimed full volume from my cell phone. The tinny reverb was enough to make me scream: “ENOUGH ALREADY. I surrender.”



However, the enemy would grant no quarter and the phone rang a third time. I groped around my night table, found the portable handset and tried to shut the ringer off before the onslaught began anew.



I failed.



When phone rang again, the caller was greeted with an exasperated croak,

“WHAT?”



“Well, good morning to you too, sunshine.” The soft, raspy voice on the other end of the line should have made me smile. It didn’t.



“Shayla,” my voice cracked like an adolescent. Water, in large quantities, was in order – and soon. I rolled over with a groan.



“Well sweet pea, you revved up and ready to go?”



“Huh?”



“Arianna, don’t tell me you forgot.”



I paused, perhaps longer than I thought. I don’t know I might even have dozed off again. Shayla’s voice reached me through the fog.



“Arianna?” The upward infection at the end of my name told me I was well on my way to being in deep shit. I hadn’t forgotten. I just didn’t want to go.



“N-no,” I spluttered, lacking the confidence to convince her otherwise. I didn’t care particularly for anything at that moment that didn’t involve prolonged and absolute silence. I fumbled around the night table, grabbed my contact lenses, thought better of it, opened the drawer and fished around for a bottle of aspirin, pretty much forgetting in the blink of my unfocusable eyes that the telephone was intended for two-way communication.



“Are you,” her voice trailed off, “occupied?”



“Occupied?” The fog thickened, as did the film on the inside of my mouth, rendering speech as painful an experience as the light from the naked bulb assaulting my eyes. I squeezed my eyes shut because the slightest movement sent additional tidal waves of pain through my body. It wasn’t going to be a good day.



“Maybe I should call back ... a little later,” Shayla hesitated.



“Humm,” I repeated groggily, not understanding what she was implying.



“Oh, okay then. Well um, call me back when you’re not, busy.”



Now nothing was making sense.



“Huh?”



“Not too much of a conversationalist in the mornings are you, Arianna. Listen, call me back when you’re not – when you’re, um not so-“



“Occupied,” I finished for her and followed it with a series of groans as I struggled and failed to sit upright. In addition to my head pounding like a war zone, my lungs hurt and the ragged gasps that passed for breathing provided barely enough oxygen to keep me conscious; binge drinking and smoky bars were off my list, effective immediately.



Shayla laughed, and I wanted to cry. Really, Shayla’s laugh was sweet, but my hangover was transmuting all sense and feeling into one: pain.



“Okay, oh monosyllabic one. I get it. Call me when you guys are ready to leave.”



“Sure.”



As she hung up the line, I was certain I heard her whispering something about me to someone in the background.

I dropped the phone on my chest as I felt my cheeks puff out in an almost sigh. I knew copious quantities of alcohol and I didn’t mix, but last night was something altogether different. As if on cue, a hazy memory clip replayed in my head. Instinct and history told me to make a surreptitious check to see that I was alone. My hand wandered to the other side of the bed. The extra pillow lacked the familiar tracings of recent use and sheets were cold and dry. Confirming I had flown solo, the rest of my body begrudgingly returned to life.



Today was D-Day, my fortieth birthday. The invasion of middle age began a scant five hours ago. I’d slept, or more appropriately, been unconscious only three of those five hours. Forty, how the hell did that happen? Turning a decade wasn’t so bad, until I recounted and realized that age forty represented my fifth decade and ‘milestone’ or no, that really bothered me. Isn’t it funny how history sneaks into the vernacular, ‘D-Day’, the great day of triumph, so why do we use it to portend doom?



Rubbing my eyes against the intrusive light, I forced my brain to both acknowledge and respond appropriately to the time - 5:00 am. Time to face the day and chase the demons, what or whoever they may be. Swinging my legs off the side of the bed brought an immediate reaction; dizziness and several barely contained waves of nausea. I sighed and flopped back down on the bed, squeezing my temples between my palms in the faint hope of stopping, or at least stemming the slow haemorrhage of my few remaining brain cells. I felt around the bed, searching for something to throw across the room to return my world to darkness and silence. Finding nothing at hand, I stretched and inhaled deeply, catching the unexpected lingering scent of jasmine.



The alarm that went off in my head was louder than the random sound bites battling for control of my sanity. I struggled to remember what happened after I left the bar. Suddenly Shayla’s ‘you guys’ phone reference made sense. Ignoring the raging hangover, I forced my body into a semi-upright position and took a closer look at my surroundings.



My car keys were on the nightstand beside the bed and my leather pants and tank top were carefully folded over the back of the rocking chair beside the window. I was in my boxers and a pyjama shirt. More alarms. Pyjamas are strictly company formal bedclothes; alone, I sleep naked. Sober or drunk, my keys always hang on the rack beside the front door, and I never fold my clothes. I may have awoken alone, but I definitely didn’t come home alone. And the fact that Shayla seemed to know something I was obviously suppressing made my queasy stomach churn. Fractured images from a few hours ago floated around in my head. Something told me that my lack of company had more to do with her than it did with me. I pushed the memory out of my mind, but my body still ached, missing a touch I craved but could not countenance. The question now was this mistake number three or mistake number one, and what exactly was the mistake. Somehow, I knew either way, today I would come out the loser.



Through sheer force of will, and a not altogether unfounded fear of Shayla’s wrath, I hauled my now middle-aged body out of bed and stumbled toward what I hoped was my future. Random aches and pains were placated somewhat by several large glasses of water, a couple extra strength aspirin and the prospect a long, hot shower.



As the steaming water cascaded over my body, I unwisely decided to take stock of my life. It was a short inventory.



For reasons known only to the Muses, the lyrics to Alphaville’s Forever Young reverberated in my mind, and mixed in a hodgepodge of memory, both good and bad. The Muse’s hegemony was complete as I hummed I Am A Rock. Perhaps a sign of the times, perhaps wishful thinking but certainly things that spoke of mortality, my mortality. To punctuate the point, Mother Nature reminded me in a not so subtle way those five hours of continuous dancing, the last two of which were interspersed with far too many double shots of rye whisky, came with a price. I let the hot water pound down as I stretched some of the stiffness out of my shoulders and back.



It had been more than five years, but I still wasn’t accustomed to my body, to the feel of hard, tight muscle under skin. At least one kind of shroud was gone. The tell tale signs of my former shape were still there, although the angry red stretch marks had faded, and my skin was still loose - a reminder of days past, and days to come if I wasn’t careful.



The hot water helped wash away the awkward memories of the past but did nothing to melt the ice in my soul.

I lathered my hair with scented shampoo and raked my hands through the emerging copper curls that flowed in barely controlled waves over my shoulders.



My breasts once large and droopy, no longer flopped down my belly. I enjoyed how they felt, tight and firm; the surgeon’s scars barely visible. My hands slid from my breasts down my muscled abdomen in narcissistic pleasure as I touched on myself that which I always craved in others – strength.



My body absorbed the heat of the water and slivers of memory generated a heat all their own. No substance in the world could wash the gentle scent of her from my mind.

With closed eyes, I pulled the memory forward. The feel of her hands on my skin as she helped me out of my shirt and bra, knuckles brushing incidentally over my breasts. The stab of desire that swirled through me when she unbuttoned my pants and her cold hands pressed over my skin and slid down my thighs, taking my pants with her. The same desire that threatened to consume me now as my hand slid lower, exploring a place long empty as I remembered and blurred the line between fantasy and reality.



Her hands pulling my arms through a pyjama shirt as she knelt in front of me while I sat motionless on my bed. I would have forgiven anything at that moment if she had read what was in my eyes. For once, I didn’t want her to leave me alone; I didn’t ever want her to leave. I reached to pull her to me, whispering her name. I closed my eyes and felt her lips softly pressing against my forehead as her arms gently resisted my embrace, her sweet voice telling me to lie down; the tender touch as she tucked the blankets around me, and again the feel of her fingers then her lips lightly brushing my cheek. “Goodnight, sweet Ari. Happy Birthday.” I’d had no defences but she thought it was the booze – it wasn’t, and that was the most sobering revelation of my life.



I heard the keys clunk on the night stand, the echo of her footfalls on the hardwood floor as she collected and folded my clothes, and finally the agonizing sound when the loft door softly click closed as she left. I remembered the pounding need that went beyond desire, the alcohol easing none of the pain. I don’t remember turning on the lights or the stereo.



Reality came crushing around me. Despite the heat, my body went cold when other physical scars, long since healed, throbbed in remembrance. I pulled my hand away and smashed it into the shower wall in frustration. How could I have been so foolish? There are lines that should never be crossed. I felt my fists clinch involuntarily as real pain erased all vestiges of want, desire and forgiveness. War Requiem continued to play in the background, a symbol of the battleground that was my life.



My stomach heaved and I wrenched open the shower door, my body ridding itself of the poison from the previous night. After, I rinsed my mouth but no amount of brushing and mouthwash could remove the bitterness I tasted.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

Edited by: Patches at: 10/7/04 4:28 pm

[Patches]

Working Title: Line in the Snow

Author: Patches

Rating: NC17 – language, explicit sex (don't worry, it's coming)

Disclaimer: An original work of fiction – all rights reserved.

Distribution: Written for Inward Eye, but if you’d like to copy elsewhere, please e-mail me first.

Feedback: yes, please, she says in abject terror.

Summary: I’m sure there’s a plot here somewhere. No, really. It's your basic love story.

Posting Schedule: Chapter 3, Thursday or Friday (or maybe even tonight if I can't sleep).



Thanks for reading

Cheers!!







Chapter 2



I had a lot to accomplish and little enough time to complete all the day’s tasks before heading out to meet up with the girls. I logged onto the net to pay some bills, only to be bombarded with more birthday reminders. Auto Club, insurance, driver’s license and car plate renewals, all due today: Happy Birthday, that’ll be two hundred dollars please. There was also an assortment of on-line greeting cards waiting for me. I clicked through a few and seethed. There was only one person who knew my real age, and she’d apparently made it her goal to share that knowledge with everyone. I enjoyed the fact that people thought I was years younger. But now, in classic X-Files style, the truth was out there. I knew the number forty would send them scurrying for cover and I would be relegated to the status of MAD: Middle Age Dyke, READ: Middle-aged And Dateless.



Katlyn Donovan’s preferred method of proclaiming the news was an endless stream of limericks and poems cc’d to her entire e-mail address book, which coincidently comprised the majority of my own friends, associates and acquaintances. We travelled in the same circles, even if we lived in different worlds. Her messages all delivered a common message: Arianna Churchill’s checkered past. Katlyn was very popular, but not with me.



Out of habit, I checked my junk mail folder and something out of the ordinary caught my attention. It was a message from Katlyn. My hand shook as my finger hovered over the delete key. I didn’t want to read what was there, but I could neither bring myself to hit delete, nor to open it. Fuck! What was wrong with me today? I compromised, instead sending the message to my in-box, convinced I’d delete it later. With a sigh, I put the e-mail out of my mind and continued working my way through the to-do list.



Birthdays, I don’t think I can stress how much I hate birthdays, especially my own. It’s annoying that Katlyn’s was around to remind everyone how near the precipice of middle age my aged body teetered. With the cat out of the proverbial bag, Shayla had bugged me incessantly about what I wanted for my ‘big four-O’. When she ridiculed my request for a hot twenty-something, I suggested a cabin in the mountains might make an ideal setting for a cosy little get together. Apparently, she got the wrong idea. I guess I should have stipulated cosy meaning the two of us, not the two of us, and four of them.



Maybe I could put them off, feign mortal illness or inter-dimensional time rift to explain my absence from the festivities. Shayla wasn’t impressed when I offered and produced a note from the doctor and my mother excusing me from the trip. She promised it would definitely be worth my while and mumbled something about the last night being just the warm up.



I still couldn’t remember everything that happened at the bar. But my spider sense was tingling. Something wasn’t right. About the only thing I remembered was Shayla’s pronounced absence through most of the evening, well, that and Katlyn’s marked presence. I was in cruise mode and wondered how I managed to come home with Katlyn. Nevertheless, I had no way of backing out without causing some form of major drama. They’d already booked the cabin and since this was ‘my’ birthday party, I had to show up. How bad could it be, even with Katlyn there? I grabbed my gear, printed the e-mail with the directions and took off for the great unknown.



Once the hangover wore off, I realized the solitary drive made me feel better. After an hour or so on the road, I ceased cursing the sun and delighted in the dazzling beauty it illuminated for my weary eyes. I really had spent too much time in the city. The mountains in the first days of winter snow were spectacular and went a long way to lightening my mood. I switched the more sombre Requiem I’d begun my journey with for Vivaldi’s Four Seasons and Pachelbel’s Cannon in D major and lost myself in the music. Five hours of driving winding and steep mountain roads left me with a lot of time to contemplate the universe. As I drove I still mulled over ways to get out of it; I thought briefly about getting ‘lost,’ and for a while, I wasn’t sure that my thought hadn’t become deed. This cabin was giving out-of-the-way new meaning.



Arriving at what I assumed was the appointed rendezvous, I was greeted by a sign that read: “MARSDEN’S PASS - CAUTION Road not maintained October to March; Snowmobile, Emergency and 4x4 vehicles only; Tire chains required beyond this point.” Curious, the parking lot was ploughed but the building was closed and boarded shut.



I looked around - no sign of snowmobiles.



Shit! She couldn’t be serious. I grabbed Shayla’s e-mail, “Meet at Marsden’s Pass Rest Stop and wait for instructions. Make sure you warm-up, and Arianna, try to have fun for a change.”



I wasn’t lost. This was definitely the right place. I’d said cosy and out of the way. At lest she’d followed through on the ‘out of the way’ part. I wasn’t sure about cosy, but Shayla promised all singles, and all available. Really, who was I to turn down a week of R&R, or at least the prospect of great sex? Right on cue, my leg began to ache. Wasn’t that what had gotten me into trouble in the first place. I fought hard to push the flashing image of the helicopter and of the pain from my mind: the acrid taste of the past rose in my throat.



I got out of the car and looked at my watch – an hour early. Apparently, Shayla either expected me to drive the speed limit or didn’t want me to be late. The sharp cold of the mountain air stung my lungs, and the snow crunched under my boots as I wandered a few feet from the car. I looked at the sign, and then back at my sorry excuse for a car. 1990 was a particularly bad vintage for Ford metal. Driving up here alone was foolish enough; if I put chains on my tires, the wheels would fall off. I’ve done some crazy things in my life, but taking an old winter beater down a deserted snow covered mountain back road in November did not rate very high on my probable survivability scale. Damn, did Shayla have to take secluded this seriously?



I looked around at the snow-covered landscape and drank in its beauty. In the face of such breath-taking splendour, it was hard to be mad at anything, or anyone. Majestic white pines towered skyward, and in their deepening shadows, I saw tracks from winter animals scavenging and playing in the deepening snow.



I heard the sound of an approaching vehicle. Katlyn’s restored ’87 Jeep came rumbling up the incline and turned into the Rest Stop at the end of the driveway. At the sight of the black vehicle, my mood crumbled like the snow-burdened apex of the ice caps on the surrounding peeks and came crashing down the mountainside in an avalanche of turbid emotion. Great, just what I needed; to be left alone with Katlyn Donovan on a freezing snow-covered mountain in the middle of nowhere.



Katlyn’s biting ‘you know you’re getting older when …’ jokes were all biting oddments of my past; bitter and painful reminders of a life I’d lost and what I’d become. Others who knew me, knew us, understood the source of her tag lines and jokes. My life was a fool’s paradise. Given the circumstances, I suppose it was not unexpected and if I looked under the surface, entirely justified. There was a reason she signed everything The Firebrand. How cool, to post your own warning label.



I glanced at her as she jumped out of the truck and walked toward me. Her smile seemed to warm the bone-chilling mid-November air. God, she was beautiful. She moved with grace and surety, her body silhouetted as she walked toward me from the shadow of the trees. Her dark jacket was undone and underneath an iceberg-blue spandex ski suit fit her like a second skin. Her body was lean and hard, and the subtle rippling of muscle under the suit sent a little quiver through my body. As teenagers, I appreciated what Katlyn had to offer, even if I foolishly passed on the obvious opportunity to sample her sweet fruits. She had it all together and absolutely nothing had changed. I saw, as I always had seen, the tender soul beneath the barbed wire.



For years, I’d lived the philosophy of live fast, die young and leave a good-lookin’ corpse. Looking at the distorted reflection in the mirrored lenses of Katlyn’s sunglasses, I wondered at my choices in life. Someone once said that one should not outlive one’s heroes. So far, I had four years on Byron and wondered how the sands of time would treat me in the coming years. I’d never thought in terms of mortality or consequences for my actions. I did as I pleased and damned those who stood in my way.



I stared intently at the face looking back into the cavernous distance that separated us. For a moment, I didn’t recognize her, nor did I recognize myself, at lest not as we stood now. I saw the edges of life slowly etching their way into my skin. Byron had had too great an impact on my life and I feared for the first time that I would never reclaim innocence. Until now, it hadn’t mattered. Harsh memory assaulted my consciousness. I held my thoughts. I couldn’t think of what was under the surface.



“Hey Ari, how ya feelin’?” called Katlyn, her rich voice echoing through the still mountain air.



“Fine,” I responded blandly, looked at my watch and turned my back to her, ignoring the obvious opportunity to talk about the previous night. As I looked into the forest surrounding us, her shadow cast long by the mid-afternoon sun enveloped me, but she came no closer. I feigned intent interest in the surrounding countryside, and searched longingly at the entrance to the parking lot for other signs of intelligent life. I could say one thing for age; I’d mastered the art of uncomfortable silence.



The air around us was hushed. The quiet made my ears ring and my head spin.



“Where is everyone?” My voice shattered the stillness. I looked at my watch and wandered down the lane toward the snow-covered road. We’d stood there not saying anything for twenty minutes. Interesting, I thought.



“They’ll be along in a while.” Katlyn’s face was a mask behind the mirrored lenses, her voice level.



“Great.”



Katlyn glanced over and looked in my car, “How long you been here?”



“‘Bout half-an-hour, maybe more before you got here.” I thought, ‘it only seems longer,’ but held my tongue. I wasn’t capable of winning a battle with Katlyn, at least not today. We’d have plenty of time for that later.



“Oh,” she said, walked over put her hand on the hood of my car then hopped in the driver’s seat, cranked the engine and drove toward the exit.



“What the FUCK are you doing!” I screamed and raced to the vehicle as she pulled over at the far end of the parking lot beside her truck. She’d rolled down the window but left the engine running.



“Chill girlfriend, I was just moving it to one of the block heater posts so your engine didn’t seize. An old car like this can’t take the co-”



“Jesus Christ! It’s fucking bad enough that you’re here. What the hell do you think you’re doing? You could have told me where to park. What the FUCK – is – your - problem?”



Her head snapped around. The set of her jaw and the rising colour in her cheeks told me I had just opened Pandora’s Box.



“My problem? Why don’t we start with you Ari, you, your attitude and that fake butch, control freak bullshit you’ve been pulling on everyone to hide who you really are. How’s that for a start.”



“Excuse me?” I said shaking my head, bewildered. If she was looking to mend fences, this wasn’t the way to start.



“So, exactly what part of that didn’t you understand, Ari. You asked a simple question. Don’t piss on me if you don’t like my answer. I’m tired of this bullshit, all of it.”



“What are you …wait a …” I stammered. My heart was pounding. What the hell was her game this time? I tried to control my temper, for about two seconds and then made up my mind. I wouldn’t take the bait, not this time. I was leaving.



“You know what, fuck this shit! Just get out of my car. I’m going home. This is fucking crazy.”



“Ari, chill.”



“Bullshit, chill. You take my car-”



“Oooooh, I drove your precious shit box 20 yards-”



“You took my car,” I said calmly talking over her, “and drove away. You taking off and leaving me stranded in the middle of nowhere wouldn’t exactly be a first for you now would it.”



“C’mon Arianna, that’s ancient history already. Can’t we, finally, leave it behind?” She took off her sunglasses and stared into me.



“Great choice of words. Katie,” her name caught in my throat. Gathering my resolve, I continued, “As I recall, the only thing you left behind was me.”



“Ari. Please let it go, at least for now.” Katlyn’s words echoed softly in the frigid air. Her eyes pleaded with me to let go of the mistakes of the past. To let it all go.



I held my breath then exhaled slowly and responded quietly, “Look, forget it okay. Just forget it. Now’s not the time.” I spoke as if the past really didn’t matter. A few hours ago, I might have believed it myself. Katlyn smiled at me and relaxed, a moment too soon.



“You know the best part about turning 40, Katlyn?”



She looked at me, eyebrow raise by way of response.



I knew it was wrong, but the words came tumbling out of my mouth anyway. The resentment I’d harboured for so many years burst through the surface but my voice was controlled and deadly calm, “You learn from your mistakes and I am not about to make the same one twice. I’m going home. I should’ve known last night when Alysa blurted out that you were coming and stopped it then. This was a bad idea.”



Katlyn sat in the car and stared at me. Her eyes were, if anything, even more intense than I remembered, wolf eyes, imperceptible shades of blue-grey. I’d always felt they followed me, hunted me as much as they haunted me now.



“Ari, this isn’t how this week was supposed to start.”



“What, it was supposed to finish this way? Look Katlyn, I wasn’t keen on this whole thing to begin with, but I thought what the hell, why not. What could possibly go wrong, there would be six of us locked away in a cabin in the mountains for two weeks. Nothing but open sky, northern lights and a fire to keep us warm and cosy. So you didn’t miss it, you did notice there was no mention of games anywhere in that descript-“



The cell phone rang on the seat beside Katlyn, interrupting a diatribe that was headed nowhere. She looked at it, and then looked over to me.



“Go ahead. Answer it before they hang up.”



“Hello. No, it’s Katlyn. I can’t hear you very well,” she spoke deliberately. “Ya, we’re here. Everything’s in the truck. Not very well. No shit. How about that, huh. Oh, she’s not going to like this. I’ll tell you later. She wants to go home.”



“Katie,” I said, “what’s going on?”



Katlyn ignored me for a second, and waved her hand to shush me.



“You tell her.” Katlyn handed me the phone. “It’s Shayla. Signal’s bad.”



The crackling voice on the other end of the phone started, “Ari, - ayla.” Through the static, I heard, “weather – closed - later - on – continue – okay – Kat has – follo.” The signal crackled, I caught about every third word.



“Shayla, you’re cutting out. Pardon, I can’t hear you.” More static, but I was able to piece together enough of what she was saying and Katlyn was right - I didn’t like it. I ended the call and looked down at Katlyn,

“Get out of my car.”



“Ari, you can’t go back. They’re going to close the lower pass.”



“I don’t give a fuck. Get – out – of – my - car.”



“Oh for crissakes, Ari-”



I cut her off.



“Get out of my car or I’ll drag you out.” I meant it.



Katlyn cut the engine and looked at me.



“What?”



“Well for starters, you could move so I can open the door.”



I obliged. She got out of the car, turned her back to me and walked away as I got in the driver’s seat.



“Very funny. Give me the keys,” I said coldly.



“What keys?” she attempted an innocent ‘who me look’ as she turned toward me. Her breath frosted the air.



“Katlyn, I’m not in the mood for this. Just give me the fucking keys. I’m leaving. I don’t have the time or the energy anymore. I don’t care what you call me, or frankly, what you think of me. I don’t want to be around you, not even with Shayla, Genny, Carmine and Alysa around to run interference. I came here for one reason, and she won’t be here until the weather breaks.”



“Shayla,” said Ari, an odd look on her face.



“Ya, Shayla. You seem to know everything else about my life. I’d have thought a bright girl like you would have picked up on that juicy tid-bit.”



“Actually, no, I didn’t. But that doesn’t change anything right now. I know these roads Ari. You can’t go back, there’s no shelter between here and the pass.”



She looked past me to the sky. The clouds reflected in her eyes. I glanced over my shoulder to see the steel grey snow clouds gathering around us.



“That didn’t bother you before.”



“Damn it Ari. Enough! You can’t stay here; you’ll freeze or asphyxiate overnight when your car ices shut. You can’t leave. I won’t let you.”



“You won’t let me leave. How dizzyingly unoriginal.”



“Stop it Ari. I’m serious.”



“So am I Katlyn. Give me my keys. Katie, so help me god, I will rip your clothes off if I have to.”



“No.”



“Katie.” My voice quivered.



“Ari, I’m sorry. You were being such a bitch. You wouldn’t... and I,” her voice faltered, but I didn’t let her finish the thought.



“I don’t know what you’re talking about Katlyn. This isn’t the time or place to discuss it. If I leave now I can beat the storm to the pass. And if not, I’ll die trying. I won’t stay with you. I won’t give you that power or that pleasure, not again.” Words, like oil of vitriol, poured from my lips.



I heard the pain in her unanswered silence, in the tears that brimmed in her eyes, in the weight she bore on her soul and the ice in my soul melted ever so slightly.



“Look, forget it, okay. Forget everything. I want to go home. That’s all Katie, I just want to go home.” I couldn’t hide the weariness in my voice, which now was barely a whisper.



I dialled Shayla’s cell number, no signal. I tried emergency road services. Through the static, I heard the automated message. The lower pass was already closed - no choice, can’t stay, can’t go back. Katlyn was my only option. I thought fleetingly about my chances and weariness gave way to frustration and finally, anger.



“Fine,” my hands pounded the steering wheel, “just fucking FINE.”



Katlyn was standing beside my car. I threw the car door open. She winced and backed away.



“Okay, get out the gear. I can’t go back, I can’t stay here, we have to go to the cabin and it appears that you know the route, and you have all the emergency equipment.”



I looked at the rusting hunk of metal beside us and cursed silently to myself. I should have bought the four-by-four instead of the Miata when I had the chance. Katlyn was right. My car was in no condition to risk driving in blizzard conditions. But I couldn’t resist just one more dig, “Shayla said we have to use the ski trail from here; it’s too dangerous to drive the back roads, for either of us.” I stared at her intently, and continued, “Like trusting you to get me anywhere is any safer.”



I slammed the car door shut for effect, plugged the block heater in and turned at looked at her.



“Katie,” I corrected myself, “Katlyn, there’s a winter storm warning for tonight. I don’t want to be out on the trail when it hits. You, storms and I don’t seem to get along. Let’s get out of here and if you would be so gracious, this time – don’t take off on me.” I couldn’t leave it alone. I wasn’t ready to go there, not now, maybe not ever.



Katlyn didn’t move. We stood staring at each other. I tried to read what was in her eyes. I wish I hadn’t. I had to look away.



“Let’s load up. I have everything in my truck.” Katlyn didn’t look at me. I felt like a heel and regretted my outburst, but was too emotionally spent to apologize. Something in me whispered, it wasn’t her fault.



Soon we were suited up, packs on. Katlyn came over to me to check my straps. She had an odd look on her face as she adjusted the front fasteners on my pack. I caught her lightly biting the corner of her bottom lip.



“Ari,” she said softly, similing at me, “you never tighten your equipment properly.”



I looked up at her. When had she gotten taller than me, I wondered. I was always the one she looked up to, but maybe that, like so many other things I took for granted in life, was just a metaphor. In any event, it was a long time ago. I don’t know what I saw in her eyes, but it wasn’t what I was expecting. Suddenly her closeness made my body tingle, making my body remember what my mind would not.



Her head blocked out the sun and I felt her lips brush against mine, lingering, tentatively probing, wondering. I was angry, angry with her, angry with myself. Ten years.



For a moment, it all went away. I stopped thinking and responded, melting into her, realizing what hours ago was only fantasy. It didn’t matter. The awkwardness of our packs, the cold mountain air and our past were irrelevant; I filled with the scent and taste of her and knew I wanted this. Ten years was a long time to punish someone for a prank. I gave in to the sensation washing through me; pressing closer, I drank her in, absorbed her into me and felt the unfathomable longing and a sense of resolution in the feel of her lips on mine.



We finally broke the kiss and the rush of reality came flooding back, though I couldn’t let her go.



“I knew,” she said softly.



“Knew what?”



“When you called me Katie, last night, today, I knew.”



I was aware of her hands stroking my head, I thought of the grey streaks staining my auburn hair and remembered the reason they were there. I was cold again.



“One kiss doesn’t change anything Katlyn.”



“Maybe,” was all she said.



I put on my skis and nodded toward the path without reply, we turned toward the trees, she would lead, she knew the trail.



“If I get too far ahead, call me back.”



“Don’t worry Katlyn, that won’t be an issue.” From my belt, I pulled a retractable climbing safety wire and fastened the carabiner to the back of her pack.



“Ari, that’s not necessary.”



“It’s a matter of perspective now isn’t it?”



I could see Katlyn bite back a retort.



I laughed. “If I’d have known tying you up would shut down that tongue of yours, I’d have done it years ago.”



Katlyn said nothing as she turned toward the tree line and together we skied into the forest. I was in good shape, and initially thought Katlyn’s fast pace was just an adrenalin rush. The extra work of breaking the tracks would have to slow her down. It didn’t. I laboured hard to stay close. The line, though designed for climbing, was awkward to manage. Following her trial would have been easier than trying to keeping pace with her. However, that thought and all others quickly disappeared as I drove my body to match her speed.



The line tugged her once when I lagged too far behind.



“Do you need to rest?” she said easily.



“No,” was all I managed, though my legs, lungs and arms burned from exertion and fatigue. Truth was, I was incapable of speech.



“Suit yourself,” and she pushed ahead.



Every few minutes she would look back, the wolf-like eyes watching me. I said nothing; she’d just shrug and continue. Snow began to fall in earnest and the winds picked up, filling in the tracks as quickly as we created them. Despite the hard work, my soul drank in the beauty surrounding us. Everything seemed so pure. So many people thought winter an ending, but I looked around and saw new beginnings.



A few minutes later, I called out to her,

“Katie, wait.”



She stopped and I caught up to her and unhooked the carabiner. She looked at me, uncertainly. I smiled impishly and pointed ahead for her to lead. Surprisingly, she never skied out of my line of sight.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

Edited by: Patches at: 1/19/04 7:11 pm

[Patches]

Working Title: Line in the Snow

Author: Patches

Rating: NC17 – language, explicit sex (don't worry, it's coming)

Disclaimer: An original work of fiction – all rights reserved.

Distribution: Written for Inward Eye, but if you’d like to copy elsewhere, please e-mail me first.

Feedback: Love constructive criticism - keeps me breathing.

Summary: A cabin in a blizzard.

Posting Schedule: I decided to break this into two shorter chapters to make posting and editing easier. Next installment Thursday or Friday.



Thanks for reading

Cheers!!

Patches





Chapter 3



We reached the cabin at nightfall, covered under a rapidly thickening blanket of heavy snow. I was ready to collapse. Katlyn seemed energized; she had set the pace and stuck to it. I had the feeling she could have gone much faster and much farther. I was fit, but Katlyn was in a league of her own.



Katlyn knew the run in was hard on me. She didn’t know pride was the only that stopped me from collapsing when we reached the cabin.



“Ari, we need wood and supplies from the back shed,” she said casually.



“Okay,” I groaned without meaning to, still gasping for air. The last two miles was a hard, uphill climb. I understood the reason for leaving the vehicles at Marsden’s Pass. Not even her off-roader would have made it up here. Not in this weather.



“I’ll get that stuff, why don’t you go inside and set up.”



It was an out. She knew it and I knew it. Her attitude surprised me. I expected ridicule not compassion.



“Sure, I’ll get some heat going.”



The cabin was roomy and the aromatic scent of cedar made me feel better. I could also detect a hint of fragrance lingering around, like sweet jasmine, like the wondrous scent of Katie’s skin. I looked around and realized there wasn’t much work to do. The wood, already stacked high in the floor to ceiling fieldstone fireplace, only needed a couple of matches and a bit of kindling to get it going. The old oil cook and heat stove had a note attached to it with operating instruction. Had I not been so bone weary from the trip in, I might have registered that the table was set for two, and what I mistook for mail was an envelope with my name on it.



Looking through the window, I saw Katlyn hauling a heavy sled piled high with wood from the back building at the bottom of a steep gully. Marvelling at her strength, I doubted I could have pulled the sled with half the load she carried. Seeing her in this light had a peculiar effect. The hangover, the old and still raw emotion and the run up had dragged my defences down. I could see her body strain under the weight and felt the sharp pang of desire stab at me; the kiss, the air, the snow, the fight, everything. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, trying to shut down those thoughts. Instead of forgetting, the subtle scent of jasmine once again carried me away from the moment. I closed my eyes and basked in the memory of her sweet lips brushing against my mine.



I panicked. This was not supposed to be happening.



She walked into the cabin, smiled approvingly at the fire blazing up the chimney and dusted the snow off her long dark hair. She settled on an old kitchen chair beside the Franklin stove and looked intently at me.



I nodded to a pot on the stove containing a simmering, steamy brew of hot cider. She smiled radiantly at me, and poured herself a large mug.



“Talk,” she said, sitting back down at the table. Though this time she turned her chair, so the old wooden table did not form a barrier between us.



I stared at her, not moving from my perch beside the fireplace on the other side of the room. I watched her sensuous lips blowing on the hot liquid. I swallowed, hard.



“Talk,” she repeated.



“Katie, there’s nothing to talk about.” I struggled against the feeling welling inside me, against that part of me that responded to her. I could feel her eyes upon me.



She looked defiantly at me, challenging me to, what, open old wounds. I folded my arms and crossed my ankles, shutting down; not going there, sweetheart, not now, not ever.



“Ari, we’re not kids, not anymore. That shit-fit you threw at the Rest Stop was the longest conversation we’ve had since you were released from hospital.”



“Katlyn,” I said slowly, “I don’t have anything to say.”



“Bull – shit.”



“Look. I apologize for my behaviour earlier. I really didn’t want to come. I woke up with the hangover from hell this morning. I don’t like birthdays. I don’t want to turn forty, okay. You just happened to be an easy target.”



“That’s it, an easy target.”



“Ya, that’s it, nothing more.” I knew she didn’t believe me.



I looked at her as she leaned across the table to light the hurricane lamps. She was beautiful, tall, graceful, strong. I had to look away before she caught me staring at her.



“Shayla, huh? That should be interesting.”



“Don’t.”



“Why not. As you said, I know everything else there is to know about you, why not this.”



“Katie, I’m too tired to get into this kind of a discussion. I know you didn’t mean it, at least you didn’t intend for the situation to turn out so,” I paused searching for a word, “badly.” My body relaxed slightly and I absentmindedly ran my fingers through my hair.



She caught the familiar gesture and knew I was in conflict. Katlyn had known me long enough to know, and what was more unsettling, to understand my mannerisms and what they meant.



I tried to focus on anything but her eyes. I wasn’t sure I could hide what I felt, but there was nowhere else to look, nowhere else to go.



“We’ve been, or at least we were friends for a long time Ari.”



“Ya, I know. I just didn’t feel like there was much to say after the trip.”



“Okay, but we’re here and we’re not going anywhere for a little while. Loosen up. I’ve missed talking with you.” Her voice was rich, textured, and she spoke with a hushed whisper. I felt my breathing deepen slightly. The sound of her voice coursed through my body, like a drug.



“Sure.” I knew the heat in the cabin was from more than just the burning wood. I turned toward the fire, hiding the flush that crept from my body to my face.



“What’s up with you and Shayla, you guy sleep together yet?”



I choked on a mouthful of cider.



“Jeezus, don’t believe in wasting time do you?” I felt an impossible rush of uncertainty flow through my body.



She laughed. The sound was warm and sweet and I felt a rush of something else flow through me, a familiar, but distant craving.



“No, we’re not sleeping together. We play once in a while.” Let her chew on that for a while. She wanted to know, she was going to find out. And with that, the battle between my mind and body began in earnest.



Katlyn raised an eyebrow.



“You asked,” I said defensively.



“As I said, interesting … duelling tops – the new toy from Irwin,” she said playfully punning Shayla’s last name.



“No, not really. I, uh, well,” I stammered, not wanting the conversation to continue, at least not along its present line.



“No shit, you’re bo…”



“NO,” I cut in, and then hastily continued with, “Not really,” there was no way I was going to let her finish the rest of that sentence. Besides, it wasn’t like that, at least not yet.



“Oh – my – god. You’re blushing. Stone butch Ari Churchill, discomfited.”



“Katie, fuck off with the dollar-ninety-eight words,” I said jokingly to hide my embarrassment.



“Oh c’mon Ari, spill it. Don’t worry, I won’t snitch and ruin your reputation.”



I looked away. She was right. She had her reputation, and I had mine. I stared at her, quickly regaining my composure.



“Shayla’s been, well. There are a few things we’ve been,” my voice trailed off a little, “exploring. She’s picked up a few new, ah, tricks.”



Before she had a chance to reply, and I knew what was on her mind, I laughed. “No, it’s not like that, it’s just that … it’s what I do, okay, it’s what I do. It’s what I am.”



“Fair enough. For now,” and she relaxed back into her chair.



I shrugged.



“So, why only couples?”



“Pardon?” I said, as both eyebrows shot up and I felt my jaw slacken and drop of its own accord.



“You heard me. It’s not exactly a state secret. You only play with couples. You got a thing for threesomes Ari?” Her eyes held a hint of mischief. I watched her for a moment, formulating a reply and trying to keep my brain and my body in neutral.



“Nothing like making up for lost time, eh Katie?”



“No time like the present. Besides, I hate forced civility, ‘Hello Darling, it’s been ages. How have you been’ bullshit. It’s fake. Everyone knows what they really want to ask, so why not start there.”



“Sure, why not; it’s not only couples, I play one on one, but not often. Couples are,” I hesitated, “less complicated.”



“Why?” she asked, I could see the numbers weren’t adding up in her head.



“Sex. Couples are better, they leave me out of it.”



It was Katlyn’s turn to choke on her cider.



“Ari, please don’t tell me you have all these women at your feet, and you don’t let them make lo-”



I cut her off.



“No I don’t. Oh knowledgeable one.”



“So it is true. You don’t ever sleep with them.” She said it anyway.



“Nope.”



“God Ari, are you crazy? I thought that stone butch thing was bullshit.”



“Truth.”



“Why?”



“Come on Katie, do we have to get into this now? My body hurts, I just want to go to bed. You may be the poster child for the ‘get fit, live longer’ campaign, but some of us are mortal, and there’s still a lot of work to do. We have to bring the wood in and finish prepping the bedroom.” I slipped off the stool and walk toward the cabin door.



The corners of her lips curled ever so slightly and I blushed with the realization that I had not pluralized bedroom.



Katlyn walked toward me and put her hand over mine as I reached for the door latch leading to the outer foyer to collect my boots and bring in some firewood. I’m glad my hands were cold; made it easy to explain the shiver her touch sent through me.



“Forget the rest of it, Ari. We can deal in the morning. The wood’s covered and we can sleep out here by the fire,” she said softly, nodding to the two-piece foam cottage couch on the wall adjacent to the fireplace. “It’ll be warmer, we can talk more – just the two of us.”



She gave my hand a gentle squeeze, looked down at me and smiled. Her fingers interlaced with mine as she led me back to my earlier perch on the stool by the fire. She released my hand and gently brushed the side of my face with the backs of her fingers. Her face closed the gap between us and I felt her lips press gently against my forehead, as she had done just before she left me earlier.



She moved away from me and I closed my eyes. When I re-opened them, she playfully tossed me a towel and robe from the antique cedar chest on the other side of the room, and pointed over her shoulder,

“All the comforts of home. Should be enough heated water for a five-minute shower, you look like you could use it and a rub down too.”



She was a professional sports trainer and athletic therapist. My imagination slipped into overdrive. I could only imagine the magic she could work. I tried hard not to think of what her knowledgeable hands would feel like against my skin. I looked at her but didn’t say anything; I didn’t trust myself to speak. I took what she proffered and walked toward the shower room, trying to hide my now obvious limp, a not so subtle reminder of my age and of my, or rather, our past. Serves me right for not warming up properly.



For the second time in just over twelve hours, I stood under a hot shower, thinking about Katlyn, only this time I wasn’t sure where the line between fantasy and reality was, and if there was anything to blur. She was here and we were alone. Did she really know, last night, did she really see what was there? I was scared, god, was this really happening. In a battle between, mind body and soul, my body and soul were winning. I finished showering and looked at the pile of wet, sweaty clothes on the floor and put on the thick white terrycloth robe she’d given me. It was wonderfully warm and smelled of jasmine.



I came out of the shower, did a small pirouette and proclaimed myself, “pure as the driven snow.”



She looked at what I was wearing, winked then brushed past me into the shower,

“We’ll see about that.”



Overcome by a sudden bought of modesty, well okay, fear. I hastily grabbed a sweater and jeans from my pack, leaving my long johns folded and my options open. My body might be willing, but my mind was going to put up a fight.



~~~~~~~~~~

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

[sam darls]

Wow..this is amazing . I love it so far. Love sammi xx

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler (Evan Rachel Wood)

[Patches]

Working Title: Line in the Snow

Author: Patches

Rating: NC17 – language, explicit sex (starting here)

Disclaimer: An original work of fiction – all rights reserved.

Distribution: Written for Inward Eye, but if you’d like to copy elsewhere, please e-mail me first.

Feedback: This story did not have a beta reader, so if there's anything you'd like to suggest by way of improvements, I am certainly all ears. BTW, I start a basic grammar course next week, so you needn't call the grammar patrol just yet. However, I am _always_ interested in constructive criticism

Summary: This is where NC 17 starts.

Posting Schedule: Chapter 5 should be ready Monday or Tuesday.



Thanks for reading

Cheers!!

Patches





Sammi, have I said I love you?? Thanks for the kind words. I am most insecure about writing what people like to read. And, without further ado,





Chapter 4





Later, after Katlyn emerged from the shower, we fixed a snack and relaxed on the foam mattress she’d laid out in front of the fire. There were two sticks, a bottle of unopened wine and a bag of still sealed marshmallows lying beside the fireplace.



Neither of us said anything of consequence, we didn’t have to. Somehow, we found a space within ourselves that welcomed comfortable silence. I had trouble meeting her gaze, but when I did, she smiled. Only once did I catch her unconsciously biting the corner of her bottom lip. The only indication that she was probably as nervous as I was; it was also something she did when about to make a decision.



“Cold?” she asked.



“A little,” I replied.



She added more wood to the fire.





I leaned back on my elbows and stared vacantly at the ceiling listening contentedly to the pop and crackle of the fire, but I could feel her sitting beside me, watching me. Seeing me dressed after her shower, she’d discretely changed into track pants and a warm, smoky grey long sleeve flannel shirt. The colour brought out the grey in her eyes, enchanting me while the glow from the fire set the porcelain pale of her skin and my heart alight.



“Hey Ari,” whispered Katlyn.



“Ya,” I turned, resting on one elbow. There was no mistaking the look in her eyes, or mine. The wolf had finally caught me.



“Happy Birthday.”



She leaned toward me. Her lips brushed against mine and my body lit up.



“Katie,” I hesitated.



Her arm slipped around my waist pulling me close as she stretched languorously beside me. My mind reeled.



“Happy Birthday.”



Her lips covered mine with butterfly kisses. I looked in her eyes, searching. There was no bite, no barbwire, no ridicule.



“Happy Birthday, sweet Ari,” she whispered again.



Our bodies touched, everywhere. With a gentle press against my shoulder I rolled onto my back, she followed and lay on top of me, gently nibbling my ear and throat before capturing my lips for a lingering, sweet kiss of promise. I could hear the argument against what we were doing, what we were about to do, slowly disappear. In it’s place was the need I had fought against for so many years. I returned her kiss with reverence, afraid, not wanting to take or presume too much. I’d waited; no, we’d waited a very long time to reach this space, time and trust.



Slowly, her hands worked my body, touching, teasing, playing me through my clothes. Fire doesn’t come close to describing the emotional inferno she unleashed in me; want, need, healing. She shifted, her leg pushed between mine and she kneaded me provocatively with her strong thighs. I wrapped my ankle around hers, locking her body tight to mine, relishing the teasing friction our bodies created as we moved together. My hands were shaking, not from cold, but from raw emotion. The emotion she’d brought to the surface earlier, the swirling, dizzying feeling her closeness aroused in me. My fingers weaved through her hair, massaging the back of her neck and shoulders, squeezing the tight muscle under her soft skin in places my lips longed to follow.



Her breathing changed, she, we were losing control. I felt the heat of her body, its hardness as she pressed against me, awakening feelings beyond hurt and anger. I was too exhausted to fight her. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to be stone; I didn’t want to be cold. I wanted her to touch me, hold me, caress me, to be inside me and make me forget.



Katlyn smiled and kissed me, deep, penetrating, as she sculpted her body into mine and slid her cold hand down my stomach. I had to bite my lip to stop myself from crying out when she started massaging my clit, pressing two fingers on either side and pushing down into me then back up, slowly, making my body dance as she moved. My body responded, as it never had before, as I never thought it would. She was touching me, making me wet, making me want her touch. My hands began to tug at her clothing.



She slid her other hand under my shirt capturing my hardened nipple. Her cold fingers against my burning flesh snapped me back to reality - one last line of defence,

“Not right. Shayla.”



“Who do you think set this whole thing up?”



I froze in her embrace. “Damn it!” I turned my face away from her before she could kiss me again. “Get off me. I’ve already been fucked by you once – isn’t that enough for one lifetime.” I felt my whole body tense, my jaw clinched.



“Ari stop, please. No more,” she didn’t move.



“NO. I won’t be manipulated. Not again.”



“It’s not like that. It’s not what you’re thinking. I just...,” she shook her head, at a loss for words. “What do I have to do? Ari, how can you not know? God, I’ve seen you watching me. I feel you before you enter a room. Space, if I put any more distance between us I’ll have to take a room on the fucking Space Station. I don’t understand. How can you just shut down like this? Why are you so cold, so remote?” Her face was inches from mine, though the distance that separated us was cavernous.



My body shut down, old walls rebuilding. I couldn’t forget what she did to me. I also couldn’t forget what I didn’t remember; it was there as it had always been, shutting me down, turning fear into anger. Somehow the two fused together, acid cold froze my body, froze the heat she’d kindled in me.



“What do you want from me, Katlyn?”



“I want you to talk to me.”



“We’re talking.”



“No, we’re not. We’re, I don’t know what we’re doing Ari.”



Katlyn’s body was shaking. Frustration I thought and then I saw the tears and felt her hurt. But I couldn’t let go - I couldn’t forget, and I wouldn’t forgive.



“Why do you think, Katlyn?” I said, answering her original question. Her hand was still inside me.



“Ari, I...” Her words tumbled out, edged with anger, “Christ, it was just a fucking prank, okay. Look, I figured you’d get pissed, and catch up to me later and we would have it out, one way or the other. I waited for you at the next site. I was worried when you didn’t show up after the second day. When I doubled back to our campsite you weren’t there. I tried to follow, but lost your trail in the rain. I couldn’t find you and I was terrified. I had to leave. I had to go for help. Yes, I wanted to punish you, to make you realize... to make you realize you needed me. It was stupid, childish, but I swear to god Ari, I never meant to hurt you. You weren’t supposed to get hurt. I-”



I could feel the tears forming in her eyes, flowing down her cheeks and dripping on mine but none of that mattered, at least not to me and not now. I wanted to lash out, to say the things I’d held inside all these years. I wanted to hurt her, and no sense or reason would stop me.



“You what. You left me in the bush. You pulled us off the trail and left me alone in the middle of nowhere. You took fucking everything, Katie. Seven days in the pissing rain, then snow, with nothing. I waited, freezing my ass off – literally, wondering what I’d done to you to make you want to destroy my life, to destroy me.”



“I was mad at you, Ari. I was hurt and wanted to get you back – the flirting, innuendo, that damned push me, pull me game you played made me crazy and I took off with whatever supplies I could carry. What the fuck did you expect me to do? Just sit there and take it like your other ... your other play toys. I wasn’t going to be another notch, or a pathetic little puppy sniffing your crotch, begging for attention. I’m better than that, and quite frankly, Ari, so are you!”



The truth of her words stung me.



“Katie, don’t you understand? You took it all,” I said the words before thinking.



“Look, I’m sorry. You’ll never know. I didn’t mean … how the hell did I know … I didn’t know you’d get lost. I never wanted to hurt you, not like that.” Her voice built in an anguished crescendo. She slid away from me then sat up, knees tight to her chest and her face buried in her hands.



“You didn’t know.” I sat up and faced her. “How could you not, with your ‘go west instead of east - upriver instead of downriver,’ side trips; taking me places I know no human set foot in the past thousand years? I didn’t know where the fuck we were, even with a map and compass I was lost, but I didn’t care because I was with you. I was...” I felt my heart racing, my voice quivered and broke and I fought the tears with every ounce of strength I had. “I trusted you, Katie. I’ve never trusted anyone - ever. Do you know how that feels, to be so afraid, to never let anyone in and then finally, finally you do. I trusted you with everything I had, with...” I did not say with my heart, though my eyes spoke the words my mouth would not utter. “How can I not know? Christ Katie how could you not!”



Ari, I,” she stopped.



I turned toward her and she saw the pain in my eyes. A torment that went deeper than the scars on my body.



Her voice, impossibly quiet when the real meaning of my words sunk in, continued, “Oh my god! I - didn’t - know. That explains so much. Ari, god, I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, not like that.”



I lay on my back and stared at the ceiling, following the interlaced wood patterns swirling crazily overhead. I knew she meant it. How many times had she apologized, in how many ways and for how long? I sighed and stood up. Being this near her stirred too many conflicting emotions. I ran my fingers through my hair and stared at the fire, looking for an answer to her pain, to our pain. I turned back to her.



She looked at me. I could see the hurt in her eyes and underneath more, so much more, her pain, anguish, and still, despite what I threw at her, desire. The desire that been there since we were teenagers; it smouldered, like molten rock in the belly of the earth, surging, shifting, looking for a release from the relentless pressure, building to the moment of eruption.



The anger ebbed and my own tears fell unchecked, somehow, impossibly feeding desire; the pain and need in her eyes, in her body, moved me. I took her outstretched hand and she pulled me close. She was right, but I was the one who was out in space, out of touch. I made a life of playing with women’s bodies, dishing out corporal punishment, recharging their batteries, fixing relationships, all the while remaining stone cold. It was all cold and clinical. It was what I’d done to replace need and want. To replace this.



She kissed me, her lips soft and gentle. I was open, open and defenceless. Fear gripped me. I froze as her hands swept over my body.



“Katie,” I whispered turning my head away.



“What does it take?”



“I can’t.”



“GOD Ari, of course you can. I can feel you.” Her hand slipped inside my pants, her fingers slid easily between my lips, making me gasp. She pushed my shirt up and kissed my breasts. I arched involuntarily, my mind desperately trying to control my traitorous body.



“Let me inside you. Let go Ari.” Her fingers lightly circled me, her touch soft and gentle.



“No Katie, I can’t, I don’t know how. A couple of kisses doesn’t change anything,” I said to cover the real reason I was afraid of her touch. I pulled her hand away from me, but did not let go. I wanted her so much. I just didn’t know now to get past it all.



“I don’t want to change anything, I can’t. That was the past. This is the present, Ari.”



“I know. I just can’t,” I whispered, fighting back tears, battling the turbulent emotions she’d roused in me. Battling memories I wasn’t even sure were real or nightmare. I didn’t know how to reach beyond the pain that went deeper than a hiking trip gone awry.



“Well I can.”



Katlyn pulled me closer. My body wanted, but my mind rebelled. I stiffened in her embrace, frozen by fear. Gone was the façade, the other shell I’d hidden behind for so long. I’d never let anyone touch me, I was too afraid. Katlyn read the fear in my eyes and held me tighter.



“They’ll be here tomorrow. They don’t have to know. I swear Ari, I won’t say anything, but please god, just let me hold you, let me touch you; be with me Ari, let me in tonight, now. End the war between us so we can both heal.”



She put her hand to my lips to silence my retort. I could see the glistening sheen on them, the subtle smell of my own juice, the taste as she pressed them against my mouth.



“I ... I,” I wanted to say no; I pushed feebly at her, fighting to stem the emotional torrent that threatened to drown me.



“Ari, please,” tears streamed down her cheeks, her body shook with sobs, with unfulfilled desire, “Take me.” She said nothing else to me; she just looked at me with a hunger I couldn’t deny.



I pulled her to me and kissed her hard. She opened her lips and welcomed me inside with a thirst and passion that drove me outside my senses. My hands moved as if they had a mind of their own, pulling away her clothing, tearing what wouldn’t yield. I was frantic to possess her. No longer thinking about what I was doing, my body reacted to hers. Taking the cues from her, my hands interpreting what my mind could not – unconditional surrender. Surrender to me. Her body pinned under mine, I entered her, fingers swirling and circling like the patterns on the ceiling. She drove her hips against me, pushing me deeper into her, pushing her swollen hard clit against my palm. I pulled out, teasing her. She thrashed under me. Her hand went to her mouth to stifle her cries. I grabbed it away and pinned it beside her head, instead covering her mouth with mine. I rubbed my body roughly against her naked breast. Her hand searched for mine, coaxing it to go inside her again. I ignored her silent plea and crushed my weight down on her, then took her hand and joined it with the other one stretched above her head. I tasted the salt from her tears, and hesitated.



“Ari, please,” she whispered, “please.”



My mind swirled. I didn’t want to use her; I didn’t want to possess her. I couldn’t, not in this way. I didn’t want our past or my present to destroy our future.



Katlyn pushed her body against mine, insistent in her need.



I couldn’t hurt her.



“Ari, for god’s sake, FINISH.”



I released her hands and gently wiped and kissed the tears from her face. There was so much between us and I didn’t want, I couldn’t continue like this.



She pushed against my shoulders, trying to push me down her body. My gentle touches only tormented her more.



“Taste me Ari. I want your mouth on me. I want your hands on me, in me.”



I felt her passion driving us. I wanted her. I’d always wanted her; I just never thought I’d deserved her love, until now. I knew she didn’t care about the past, about my past. Of all people, she was the only one who loved me, without reservation. I had a lot to make up for, starting now. Giving away the useless anger of the past, I quickly pulled my shirt and pants off and lay naked against her, marvelling at the warmth of her skin against mine.



I kissed her again with tenderness. My hand slid to where her body commanded my soul go. Gently I parted her swollen lips and I entered her with the same reverence with which I’d kissed her earlier. I loved the feeling of the soft folds of her skin enveloping my probing fingers. It was warm, wet and wonderfully welcoming. I explored her by separating my fingers, playing top and bottom, side to side, front and back. Easing her open, she took more of me and I massaged her inside, slowly, carefully, building her, changing tempo with her heightened responses. My fingers came together and curled, flexing and extending inside her. I could feel her pooling wetness in my hand.



I ended the kiss and sat up, straddling her leg, keeping my hand inside her, gently pushing deeper as she opened to me. My other hand stroked her face and she opened her eyes and smiled at me. “Katie, you are so beautiful.” Her grey eyes glinted in the light of the fire, the red hue and warmth of the fire washed over us. She took my hand and kissed my fingers, then let her fingers trail down my body, resting on my breasts, teasing me when she dragged her nails across my stomach. She sat up, wrapping her arms around me and buried her face in my neck, kissing and biting her way across my collarbone. Her hips rocked back and forth on my hand. I felt her nails and fingers digging into my back, her breath coming in short pants. I leaned in and kissed her throat. I felt her leg slicken as I rocked gently against her thigh, trying desperately to control my own arousal, to delay gratification. I wanted release to come from her touch.



“Ari,” she whispered.



My free hand massaged her exposed breasts playing with her hardened nipples, then gently trailed lower, teasing her, playing with her, stroking her clit to arouse but not to orgasm. I wanted to taste her as she came. I pressed against her, gently pushing her down underneath me. She easily took my weight and I slid my body lower, manoeuvring my legs inside of hers, spreading her open. I leaned forward, my mouth travelling the same path as my hand until it came to rest and I tasted the delectable libation her body offered me. I circled my mouth around her, pressing my chin against her and slid my tongue with maddening slowness across her clit, my hand deep inside her, curling and swirling around, in and out. I revelled in the gift she gave me. I felt her legs wrap around me, urging me to accept her surrender.



I could hear her sobs and feel her body tremble as I moved, as my tongue moved over her, licking and kissing in rhythm with my hands. I could feel her body tighten and I increased my pace. As she came, I took her in my mouth sucking hard, pounding my tongue across her clit wanting to connect as much of me with her as I could. She cried out, her body twisted under me, driving my hand deep inside. Feeling her constrict and shudder around me, I looked up and watched her body arch, felt her hands searching for me. I reached up and grasped her hand, fingers interlaced with mine, pulling me into her. I smiled as I felt her body flow past frenzy and slowly pulse around me. I could feel my body pulsating, the juice oozing from my body.



I lay there between her legs crying, gently kissing her and caressing her, to soothe and to turn surrender into resolution. I kissed my way up her body and lay contentedly in her arms. We were both crying. There was a silence between us, a calm serene like the snowy mountain woods that surrounded us.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

[sam darls]

Hehe, you're very welcome . I loved this part too, soo much..I hope they can forgive each other and let go of the past. Love sammi xx

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler (Evan Rachel Wood)

[justin]

This is a great story.



So five years ago Katlyn took Ari out into the wilderness somewhere and left her there without any food or equipment? Nice prank that. No wonder Ari finds it hard to trust Katlyn.



It also explains why Ari freaked out so much over Katlyn driving her car, she was probably thinking "not again!"



So they definitely have some issues that they need to resolve if there's going to be any hope of a relationshjp between them. It's rather ironic that Katlyn did it hoping it would bring them closer together.



I'm looking forward to reading more.

If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done. - Scott Adams

[Patches]

Disclaimer: usual stuff

Feedback: love it - keeps me motivated to write. (-:



First off, sorry this is late. Bad flu, threw my writing schedule off earlier in the week. I'll try to get the next chapter up by Sunday, but don't hold it against me if it's not ready. There's also the possiblility that since I rushed to get this finished, I might have second thoughts and do some revisions before posting Chapter 6. I'll post in the update thread if I make changes here.





Justin, thanks for the feedback (have I said how much I love feedback yet? lol). Yes, the girls have some things to work out, and as you'll see from the note below - things aren't likely to be easy. I guss the idea for the original conflict came from something that was a little exagerated in its realism - it is a bit extreme. However, there are times when we do things without thinking that have profound consequence on others, and ourselves; consequences we never anticipate, but inevitably have to live with. It seemed like a good jumping off point. I really appreciate your thoughts and comments and hope you enjoy the rest.



IMPORTANT note: this story is somehow finding a bit of a plot. There is a Muse somewhere near me with a cruel sense of something. But the real reason I'm posting this is there's a sub text brewing with the Ari character that is in the process of becoming actual text, which some may find distrubing. It hinted it's way in the opening chapters and starts to take root here. It's going to deal with some seriously emotional shit. Honestly, it didn't start out this way, it's just the way the character is revealing herself to me and I have to go with it.



Thanks for Reading

Cheers!!

Patches









Chapter 5 (if I can count)





I’m not sure how long we lay holding each other. The fierce wind we’d faced on the way in had diminished, no longer rattling shutters and whipping snow around the windows. The fire had dimmed and there was a slight chill in the air. We both shivered, though neither of us moved. The hurricane lamps flickered, their light danced on the hand planed cedar log walls of the cabin, painting stories in the shadows telling a tale no one but us would share. The euphoria was wearing off, but I was keenly aware of the ache swirling deep within me. Katlyn’s scent filled every breath. She, her presence was everywhere. I trembled and she moved to blanket her body atop mine, wrapping her arms around me and lightly kissed my forehead. A familiar gesture, one filled with tenderness and promise.



There were so many things I wanted to say, but had no words. I shivered again, my body painfully aware of her naked presence and my unsated need. She brushed the hair from my face and looked intently at me before lowering her face to capture my lips. I wanted her touch. I wanted her so badly it hurt. A thousand images played in my head, but the one I needed most was elusive. Her body felt so warm against mine. I loved the feeling of her weight pressing down on me, anchoring me to the present. I wanted - I needed to stay in the present. I closed my mind to the images clawing their way forward. I tried to lose myself in her kiss, to focus on the amazing things she made my body and my soul feel. It was the latter that gripped and threatened to smother me.



She looked at me, her beautiful eyes holding my gaze, the corners of her lips turned up in a smile. Her fingers trailed down my body; firm, confident, learned hands, roving the contours of my naked body.



I slipped my arms around her waist and held her still.



“What’s in there Ari,” she whispered, “What do I see in those remarkable eyes?”



This isn’t supposed to be happening, I thought for the second time tonight. Only this time, we were treading on ground far more volatile than the land mines we’d danced around earlier.



I looked away, suddenly unsure of myself.



“Ari, I want to make love with you,” she said simply.



I couldn’t say yes, and I couldn’t say no. How could I tell her that I wanted to, but I was afraid? I didn’t want her to think I was rejecting her, not after what had happened between us. Not after what she had given me.



“Katie,” I said, “It’s complicated. It’s not you.”



She looked at me, a beautiful full smile playing across her lips.



“Well, actually, it’s not that complicated, and I know,” she said reaching between my legs to emphasize her point, “it’s not me.”



“Oh god,” I moaned and laughed, acknowledging her attempt. She was trying to break the sudden ice that seemed to be freezing me and turning me stone cold. Knowing that she understood there was something brewing within me that really didn’t have anything to do with her, for that I will be eternally grateful. Katlyn, at least if she didn’t understand human nature, certainly understood my nature.



My hand reached around her neck and pulled her into a heavy kiss. I fought to leave my body in gear and my brain in neutral. She responded eagerly, her hands resuming their pleasurable course.



She stopped.



“Katie?”



Katlyn rolled slightly so she was lying on her side, my head cradled in her arms. She pulled me into a tight embrace, her forehead resting against mine, strong arms and her leg locked around me, holding me captive.



“Where did you go, Ari?”



“Huh?”



“Just now, when you kissed me, where did you go? It’s like you suddenly left part of yourself behind somewhere.”



“Oh, shit,” I said, fighting a sudden onslaught of tears. “This isn’t supposed to be happening. I... It’s not fair.” I struggled against her embrace, needing to find air for my gasping lungs. I was dizzy, confused, shaking, sobbing. “Shit! Fuck! I can’t Katie. I just can’t! I can't do this to you.”



“Hey,” she said softly, releasing her hold.



I couldn’t look at her. I was too ashamed.



I sat up, curling my arms tightly around my shins, making myself as small as possible. I felt her come around and kneel in front of me. Her arms enveloped my tight body, stoking the back of my head, holding me as I rocked back and forth in her arms, weeping for something I couldn’t even fathom. I struggled against the demon welling inside me and drove it back into it’s vile cave.



Katlyn’s hand stroked the side of my face and she gently lifted my chin, wiping my tear stained face with her thumbs. I’d never seen her eyes so intense, full of concern and compassion. I sniffed and ineffectually wiped my nose against the side of my wrist.



“Kinda gross, huh?” I smile, weakly.



“The tears, no. The snot, well,” she gave her head a little nod, yes. She was smiling at me, teasing me with her eyes. I had to do something, because the look in her eyes was threatening to tear down the fragile barrier I’d just constructed.



“I’m sorry. I’m just... I’m broken, I don’t work, just an ugly useless piece of tras-”



“Stop. Don’t. You’re not, Ari. You are anything but.”



“Christ Katie, look at me. How can you look at me and say that. God, how can you look at me at all?” Anger seeped from deep within and spread like arctic winds through my veins.



“Oh, Ari, it’s easy. You’re beautiful, why don’t you know that, why don’t you see that?”



I didn’t answer her aloud. I don’t think I was ready to explain just why I felt like a walking corpse. Instead, I shrugged.



“Katie, I did, I do want you. I just can’t, me I mean. Not now,” maybe not ever, I said silently. Tears silently slid down my cheeks.



“Wanna talk?”



I shook my head, emphatically no. Talking meant dealing and I didn’t even know what I was dealing with. At least not fully.



“You know, it’s okay. Ari, you were wonderful. You are wonderful. You made me feel alive and free, and safe.”



I looked into her eyes as she said this. I know she was weighing every word she spoke, and that she wasn’t lying.



“Sweet light, there are other ways of saying you’re sorry, and I think we both said it tonight. I’ll never demand you give me something you can’t. I tried that once.”



I grimaced.



“I tried that once,” she continued, “and it cost me your friendship. I won’t make the same mistake, twice.”



“Hey there, Katlyn Donovan, that’s my line,” a smile snuck around the corners of my lips.



“Yes it is, sweet Ari. Yes it is indeed.”



I’m not sure how, but she was sitting between my legs, her ankles wrapped loosely around my hips, her body was enticingly close to mine, arms draped loosely over my shoulders. At least one part of me was still alive, the part of me that longed to hold and touch her, the part of me where demons didn’t live, where they couldn’t touch me or taint me.



I leaned forward and brushed my lips against hers. Her moan as my mouth slid down her throat re-affirmed her earlier words.



“Hey,” she said gently, “Stop that. We’re supposed to be talking.”



“Sure,” I replied nuzzling her collar bone, sliding my hand from her back, down her side and lightly tickling the inside of her thigh.



Her hand grabbed my wandering fingers and she brought them to her lips.



“Not fair, I can’t think when you do that.”



“Who’s thinking?” It was the only truth I could give her. I grasped her hand, resting my palm against the back of hers and lacing her fingers in mine I dragged both our hands down her body, twisting until they came to rest inside her thigh.



The sounds she was making told me, I was welcomed. I watched her body, sharply inhale as our chilled fingers ran the course of her body, short gasps and open mouth welcoming me. I slid our hands further up her thigh, inching her toward the warm openness I wanted to share with her. My mouth circled her breasts, alternating one, and then the other, letting the cool air on her wet nipples tease her as much as my tongue and teeth.



She let me lead her, her fingers opened herself to me, index and baby fingers slowly spread her sweet lips apart. I was about to accept her invitation, press my middle fingers together with hers, and slide inside her warmth and we would make love, as one inside her.



“Ari, you – are – so – bad,” deep breaths punctuated each word.



“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you for years, Katie.”



I dragged my teeth and tongue up her body, intent on feasting on her lips. The only thing that stopped me was the fact that she was ever so lightly biting her bottom lip.



“Katie?”



“Humm,” she replied.



“Um, you’re biting you lip.”



“Oh, that.”



I misunderstood and panicked. I seemed to hit the panic button a lot today; maybe she didn’t want this, maybe she didn’t want me.



“HEY, where do you think you’re going with that hand?”



“I um, well, I didn’t want to. I don’t want to be where I’m not, um, wanted.” I was fumbling all over my words.



“Good god in the heavens, woman. Someone has really done you over. Ari,” she looked directly at me, keeping my fingers safely entwined in her own and bringing her other hand to rest over our collective joined ones, “feel me.” She pressed our fingers into her flesh.



I could feel the colour rise in my cheeks.



“Can you feel that Ari? That’s what you body does to me. That’s what your body does for me. It’s what you do to me. You make me wet. You make me want you. You make me open and I want you inside me, making love with me. Feel my body Ari, watch me as you touch me, press deep inside me. There.



Her breathing was deep, her body despite the chilled air, gleaned with sweat, and she rocked on our hands. Her face was only inches from mine; I smelled her sweet breath. How could I be such a fool as to question the gift she offered? This wasn’t surrender; it was much more than that. It was more than curiosity or appeasement - she really wanted me. She understood this was my gift to her, as much as her to me. My touch took her away from her calm controlled environment to a place of passion and my stupidity was about to blanket her fire with ice.



“But you were biting your lip,” I said feebly.



“Yes – - now move your fingers.”



...I – - good, faster;”



...Was – - push, push hard Ari, push deep, with me; hold me Ari, tight.” I wrapped my free arm snugly around her, she leaned back, pulling me forward with her as she arched back toward the floor, pressing our hands into her, using my body to anchor us both, I felt her come and heard her cry out my name. I rested my head against her stomach and listened to her breathing slow as she regained some control of her body.



“God Ari, you are so amazing, and such a fucking dork.”



“Oh,” I said uselessly. Embarrassed again - by breathing.



I moved to disentangle our bodies. I didn’t know about her, but I wasn’t all too convinced that something wasn’t broken.



“Don’t you dare move,” she commanded me.



“Wouldn’t dream of it.” I lied and wiggled my fingers, sending little mini-orgasmic spasms through her. She really was delightfully responsive, and I really was a dork.



“Hey there. I said don’t move.”



“Just how you gonna stop me?” I teased.



She clenched her thighs together, hard. I felt like my body was in a vice. Right, poster child for the ‘get fit, live longer,’ campaign, Chef De’Mission for the national team, former national champion. I decided to relent before something did break.



“Message received loud and clear.” I added, “Sir,” for effect.



She laughed, rich and deep. We were both laughing. I have no idea how many emotional rides we’d taken this evening. But of them all, this was certainly turning into the most fun. I knew at some point, some form of reality would jump up and bite me in the ass, but for now I was content to leave things as they were. We were laughing, with and at each other. And laughter is never a bad place to be.



“Ari, you are crazy.” But she released the death grip on my body.



“Yes, and you were biting your lip,” I tossed back.



“Oh that.”



“Yes, that.”



“Well, I was deciding if the smouldering desire I read in your eyes could wait a while. If I wanted it to wait a while, because there’s something I want to show you.”



“You mean it gets better than this?” I wiggled my fingers again for effect and was rewarded with a delicious sigh for my efforts.



“Way much, a lot better, sweet light. We’re just getting started.”



How can I possibly describe the glow that radiated from her? The sweet afterglow of sex, of lovemaking and the wonderful high it gives the body and the soul. I loved touching her, laying against her, listening to the beat of her heart, feeling the rise and fall of her chest and the warmth of her body touching mine. Inside and outside.



I sighed, contented for now just to hold her. However, as wonderfully romantic as a cabin on a snowy mountain is, there’s the practical reality of heat. While the body and mind can ignore a great many things in the throes of passion, once you come down you quickly realize that smouldering embers are great metaphors for describing amazing sex, but really don’t keep you warm. My fingers, my whole body was moving with deep shivers that had nothing to do with our delicious encounter.



“Ari?”



“No offence, but I’m fucking freezing.”



She twisted her head toward the fire, which was barely a glow, “Good point. Get thee to the fireplace.”



We disentangled ourselves, and I smiled when I heard the discontented sigh as we withdrew our hands.



“More later, I promise.” I winked at her and scrambled to build up the fire.



I felt a sharp cold, heard the cabin door slam and I jumped out of my skin when I realized she’d left the room. Calm down I told my paranoia, it’s the middle of November, and she’s butt naked. She ain’t goin’ nowhere.



She opened the door carrying two interesting looking space suits, letting in another blast of frigid winter air as she entered the cabin.



“Hear, catch.”



She tossed the interesting looking garments my way. I caught them deftly, then immediately dropped them. They were freeing cold.



“What the fuck are these for?” I queried.



I don’t know if she caught my look of concern over her, albeit naked and short, disappearance or the fact that she was handing me a moon-suit. I was grateful that she didn’t ask for clarification, although the flaming red of my cheeks was a dead giveaway. Old habits do die-hard.



“You remember that little lip biting incident?”



I looked at the suits, then back at her.



“Yes,” I said cautiously.



She walked over to stand by the fire and warm herself. I was amazed at how comfortable she was in her own skin and how remarkable uncomfortable I was in mine. I really don’t think she cared that we were naked – and not naked for the sake of having sex. I, on the other hand, looked both longingly and suspiciously at the suits by our feet.



She must have sensed my discomfort. Damn, she was getting just a little too good at ‘sensing’ my moods. I shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot, keeping my back to the fire. Despite some of the more impressive yoga positions we’d, she’d taken in the evening, I was certain she hadn’t seen my scars yet. I know I’d had my back to her when I went to stoke the fire, but there wasn’t enough light for her to see the extent of the damage, and I couldn’t think of anyway to stop her from seeing me, all of me. I don’t think she could have seen much when we were making love.



She walked up to me and slipped her hands around my waist, sliding her fingers lower to rest at the top of my butt, just above the scars. I tried not to stiffen, but did anyway. She ignored it and pulled me close, kissing me softly.



“Trust me?” she asked.







to be continued

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

[sam darls]

Ooh..this was so great and really lovely. I can't wait for more. I hope you are feeling better. Love sammi xx

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler (Evan Rachel Wood)

[Patches]

Disclaimer: the usual – it’s all original, it’s mine and it’s making me terribly insecure to say so.

Feedback: craved more than oxygen –



Chapter 6b should be up next week. It’s a bit on the heavy side. It’s hard to write, so I thought I’d post this ‘chapterette’ while I work on the next segment. These last two chapters and the next few were not in my original story, so you’ll have to forgive me if I’m a bit slow with new material. I’m working my way through some things in my mind before putting pen on paper.





Sammi – again thanks! I was very uncertain about this chapter. It wasn’t in my original story, only a hint at Ari’s barrier to intimacy existed.

Most of the time when we read romance/smut fics, the sex is always ‘roman candles,’ and orgasmic delights (now isn’t that a great name for a candy bar), which is why I suppose most people read them. (lol) I just needed and wanted the characters in this story, since there are primarily only two of them, to be a little more complex, especially Ari – since it’s her POV. I’m glad you didn’t think it was too much or too, oh I don’t know, disappointing.



Thanks for reading.

Cheers!!

Patches



~~~~~~~~~



Chapter 6a





“What do you have in mind?” I looked at her, absorbing the heat from the fire and her skin, still keenly aware of the ache inside me, but not knowing what to do.



“Get that look off your face,” she said. In one easy motion, she reached behind grabbed my wrists and twisted them behind my back, holding tight.



“What look?” I raised my eyebrows and grinned devilishly.



“The one that says, tie my down and take me, baby.”



She kissed the tip of my nose and winked.



‘Oh m’god’, was all that ran through my mind. Someone had just removed my capacity for speech. I stared at her looking, I’m sure, like a deer caught in headlights.



“So what was that you said earlier about knowing how to shut down a sharp tongue? The snow’s stopped and the wind died down. Are you up to taking a little excursion?”



“Huh?” My mind was running a million computations a second and the images it was producing had nothing to do with snow or wind.



“I said I wanted to show you something. You know, the reason I was biting my lip?”



I never really knew what the term ‘off balance’ meant, until this moment.



“I, err.”



“You game?”



“I ...”



“It’s the night of the new moon. I want to do something special for you, I want to take you somewhere special.”



“Katie, it’s dark,” I said mindlessly. Ah, I’d found my vocal chords, but my brain was still running those computations.



“Oh, if you’re tired. I understand,” she said, a little hint of dejection in her voice. She released my hands and stepped away from the front of the fire.



Of course, stupid, after that little display earlier, there’s no way she could be thinking what you’re thinking; she wasn’t really serious, she was just jerking my chain for fun. An image ran fleetingly through my head. Okay, brain, enough of that.



“Sorry Katie, minor brain fart. Tired is one thing I’m not. Now, what do you have in mind? What were you thinking?”



“Probably what you were just now. But, Sweet Light, how do you feel about snowmobiles. There’s a really cool spot not far from here, a lake. I’d like to take you there, and while we could ski out, if the weather closes in again I’d like the comfort of being able to get back here in a hurry.”



“Hey, I’m all up for technology. I foreswear my Luddite vocation,” I said. Actually, I abandoned that plan the second Katlyn told me there was a shower with hot running water here.



“What Luddite vocation?” she asked. “This I gotta here.”



“This morning, was it really only this morning, it seems ...”



She looked at me impatiently.



“Oh, ya, sorry, got lost there for a second. I wasn’t kidding about the hangover. I woke up to War Requiem, the Carpenters, no shade on my lamp, my telephone and cell phones ringing, everything at full volume. Oh did I forget two alarm clocks. I swore a vow of technological celibacy and I think I made a pledge to join AA. It was bad. Besides, I think I’ve done enough skiing for one day, err well, let me make that, lifetime.”



I could see she was trying not to laugh.



“Oh, go ahead, Katie, I know you’re dying to say it.”



“You dork!”



“There, feel better?”



“Much,” she was still snickering, then her eyes turned serious. Oh, oh, what had I just opened?



She walked over to me and brushed the side of my cheek with her hand. I captured her fingers and brought them too my lips. I liked that she would touch me like this. I’d always been afraid of touching, or being touched.



“Me too.”



“Now, Sweet Light, shall we get the Harley factor going?”



“The what?”



She shook her head. “Oh never mind. I’ll tell you later. C’mon, let’s get suited up.” She picked up the suits.



“In those?” I asked incredulously. They didn’t look very warm.



“Don’t worry. They’re prototype ski suits for the coaching and training staff. We’ve been playing around with some new designs to help us stay warm when we’re out working with the athletes on the team. Some of the weather we train in is bitterly cold and when you’re sitting around for hours on end, it’s nice to stay warm and still be able to move.”



I looked at the clothing dubiously. “Prototypes?”



“Here put it on and if you get cold when we’re out, tell me. We’ll head back right away. I know you’re not,” she hesitated, “fond of snow.”



“Hey, Katie, it’s okay. I love snow and I can’t wait to see this place.”



I hadn’t realized she was holding her breath until I saw her slowly exhale.



“It really is okay,” I said.



“Thank you.”



I smiled.



“Gotta pee,” she said. “Don’t start without me.”



Assuming she meant the side trip and not dressing, I grabbed my long underwear from my pack and tried to put the lightweight suit on. It was a lot more complicated than it looked at first glance. I was trying (and failing miserably) to figure out what, where and how all the straps, snaps and Velcro strips fit together when Katlyn came up to me, laughing and shaking her head.



“What?”



“Ari, you don’t listen well, do you.”



“Oh,” I said sheepishly, “I thought you meant don’t leave without you.”



“Yes, I suppose you would.”



“Hey! C’mon. I’m old enough to dress myself now. I’m forty,” I scrunched my face in distain to hide the blush.



“Well kiddo, after what we did tonight. If you ain’t old enough. I’s in big trouble.”



“Wanna get in more trouble.” I stuck my tongue out prankster style, and then wiggled the tip suggestively.



“Yes, much more.”



“Oooh – okay.”



“Later.”



I pouted.



“Later.”



I sighed.



“Do you ever think about anything else?”



“Um, since about eleven last night. Not really.”



She pursed her lips, “Sweet Light, you’re nothing but an overgrown, over-aged, kid. A randy one at that.”



“Why thanks for noticing. And for the record, is it later yet?” I shuffled toward her, the layers of the suit having entangled themselves efficiently around my legs, restricting my movement.



“No. But I’m sure you’ll be happy to know I want you to strip.”



“Eh? Don’t confuse me.”



“Goof. The suit is one complete unit. You take all your clothing off, and then put the suit layers on. They’re designed to fit specifically, in order, on the naked body. So get with the getting naked.”



“Oh.” I stood there.



“Well...? Oh, come, on. Are you going all shy girl bashful on me? Okay, fine.” She walked toward me and started untangling me from the mess I’d made. She had the suit around my ankles and her hands in the waistband of my long johns. I suppose she was going to see the scars sooner or later. I’d just prefer it be later. Beside that, there was the slight matter of the dam that was bursting between my legs.



“I’d best keep my long johns on. I don’t, um I mean, well, I don’t want to wreck your suit. I’m kinda, sorta, really wet, and you’re not helping that situation any right now.” My face was crimson.



She was kneeling in front of me. Her arms slid around my waist and she hugged me, her head resting against my stomach. Oddly, as close as she was, it wasn’t at all sexual. I had thought she’d laugh at me. Instead, she just held on to me. My hands stroked her dark hair.



“It’s not that I can’t start the race, or even get up to speed, Katie, I just can’t cross the finish line, not without turning my brain off and I don’t want to do that with you. I’m sorry I tried earlier. I didn’t want to disappoint you.”



She looked up at me, this beautiful woman I’d wanted for so long, waiting for me. I gave her a half smile and a small shrug. It was the night for honesty, one agonizing revelation after another.



“I really do like it when you touch me, Katie.”



She hugged me tighter and kissed my belly, “Thank you,” she said.



“So, you want to go on that adventure?”



“Absolutely.”



“Okay lady, dress me. Hey, you know, a few people might pay big bucks for one of these suits. It has, distinct... possibilities.”



She smacked my butt playfully, “Bad girl.”



I grinned, “Always. And Katie, the answer to your question is, yes, I trust you.”





to be continued

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

Edited by: Patches at: 1/18/04 1:15 am

[sam darls]

God, no..It wasn't disappointing at all..I loved it. And I loved this part just the same. I love the way you write Ari and Katie, so wonderful Love sammi xx

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler (Evan Rachel Wood)

[justin]

The last couple of parts were very good



I'm curious about what has caused Ari's intimacy problems. They're obviusly connected to the scars on her body but how did she get them? Is it from when Katie abandoned her from some other incident?



I have to admit to being confused by the lip biting incident. I'm not sure why it was so significant or what Katie biting her lip has to do with going out on snow mobiles. Oh well I'm sure it'll be explained in the next part.



Looking forward to more

Postel's Prescription: Be generous in what you accept, rigorous in what you emit.

[Patches]

Feedback:



Hey Justin. I’m pleased you liked the last two instalments. I have to admit my usual MO when writing is to finish a new segment and then sit on it for a couple of days (weeks, months or years - lol). I didn’t with these two parts and perhaps should have. I really appreciate when you question something. It makes me think hard about how I’m delivering the narrative. I try to write and edit as if I were the one reading the story. When you point out problems, it tells me that I need to sharpen the reader’s focus a little more. Thanks!



One of the drawbacks to writing first person is that you don’t have the luxury of telling the reader directly what anyone other than the protagonist is thinking or feeling, and that is a challenge. I’m trying to let the readers know what’s going on in Katlyn’s head through movement, things like facial expression, gestures, tonal and visual qualities Ari picks up on, and so on. I know what Katlyn’s feeling, but the limitation of first person prevents me from telling you outright. I think that’s why third limited is so popular. It allows the writer to give the reader a heck of a lot more information, although it’s not nearly as much fun.



Two short comments, one long winded answer:



Katlyn’s lip biting is a subtle character trait introduced at the beginning of chapter 4 , Only once did I catch her unconsciously biting the corner of her bottom lip. The only indication that she was probably as nervous as I was; it was also something she did when about to make a decision. Since this a work in progress and these last two chapters are add-on to the original, it wouldn’t help you much now if I go back and re-write the expression into the second chapter where it actually belongs – right before Katlyn kisses Ari at the rest stop - so that you'll have additional reinforcement when/if it comes up again. However, I will do a little edit so anyone reading the whole thing for the first time might have a better chance of picking up on it.





As for what the lip biting has to do with snowmobiles... There was a lot of underplay in these scenes, maybe too much. So, here goes the explanation. People often have little physical quirks that give away emotion. Katlyn has a propensity to chew on her lip when she’s making her mind up about something. In this case does she want to stop Ari’s advances, (which her language, but not her actions say) and continue with her plan to take Ari somewhere, or not. If you recall, in Ari’s previous diatribe she accused Katlyn of leaving her in the bush in the “pissing rain and snow, with nothing,” hence some concern about dragging Ari out alone, in winter, in the middle of nowhere. Ari senses the conflicting message (between word and deed), misinterprets, and reacts somewhat badly (trying to pull her hand away). On the surface, Ari is quite bold and confident, but underneath, there’s a lot more going on with her. In addition, in Chapter 6a, Katlyn's moved on to the mode of transport, the snowmobile, and Ari's still trying to pick up the pieces of her response to "tie me down and take me, baby."



I was hoping these scenes would give you some additional insight into Ari’s character and a bit more history and back plot, without slowing things down with additional internal dialogue. It also sets the stage for the next segment, and without running a spoiler warning, where you’ll find out more about their collective history.



Justin, if you’re saying, I'm curious about what has caused Ari's intimacy problems. They're obviusly connected to the scars on her body but how did she get them? Is it from when Katie abandoned her from some other incident?,, then I think I’m actually doing my job as a writer. If I tell you _everything_ at the beginning, then you’re not motivated to keep reading – lol!



Thanks for your input.



Cheers!!

Patches

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

[Patches]

Disclaimer: the usual

Note: This is really a continuation of 6a (hence 6a-1) and while the last two updates should be contained in one post, I figured it was less complicated to post this as an addendum than to edit it on to the last post, err or something like that.

Feedback: the process in which part of the output of a system is returned to its input in order to regulate its further output. Ain't that just the truth!



Thanks for reading.

Cheers!!

Patches







Chapter 6a-1





Despite my words, I became fidgety now that I faced the reality of standing fully exposed in front of her, no shadows, turn of body or fading firelight to hide behind. We’d been naked for most of the night and the probability that she hadn’t seen all of my body was remote; it was impossible for her not to have seen the extent of the damage. I suppose the whole thing was silly, and I don’t know why this moment mattered so greatly. It just did. I could feel an uncertain tension rise between us when she released me from her grasp.



“Moment of truth, huh,” I said.



“You okay, Ari?”



“Sure.”



She looked questioningly at me.



“Self conscious.”



“I’ve noticed. Don’t be.”



“Oh.” My long johns were still around my hips.



“Let me,” she said.



I nodded, yes.



Her hands tugged at my last barrier, revealing the unsightly reminders of our past. Scars wound their way around the back of my legs and along my buttocks, painful reminders of the after effect of frostbitten skin. Smaller, less visible scars patched my calf and hip where the plastic surgeon had taken graphs of skin to repair the worst of the damage tissue. The side of my right thigh, the one closest to her, bore the nastiest marking, an ugly, deep and jagged tear, the physical wound that had started my downward spiral on our hiking trip; a wound, which along with my own folly, had almost cost me my life.



Katlyn gently stroked her hands along my legs and ran her finger down the deep scar on my thigh. After all these years, it still felt strange. Some areas were numb, while in other parts nerve tissue had regenerated, returning feeling in patchwork fashion. The surgeon had told me I could expect to regain some sensation over time, although it always felt like my skin was made of latex, like there was a barrier covering me.



“This is what I was afraid to show you, what I am afraid to show anyone. It’s stupid since we’ve been walking, and uh, doing other things, around here naked for hours. I don’t see how you couldn’t have noticed.” My words were awkward, uncomfortable, unbalanced. I looked away and shook my head, feeling the fool for stating the obvious. As I said, comfortable in my own skin, I am not.



“I noticed,” she said looking up at me, her hands never leaving my body.



“Then why did you still want,” my voice trailed off. The look in her eyes pleaded with me not to finish my sentence. I didn’t.



Without the wind and storm, the air around us was still. All I heard was the fire, spitting and crackling, and the sound of our breathing. It really was just the two of us, and we were, finally, talking. I sat down on the pile of clothes, cross-legged –- or at least as close to cross-legged as my body would allow. She sat in front of me and uncrossed my damaged leg, lifting it gently and settling it over her own. Her healer’s hands took over and she started massaging the muscle. She looked at me. I nodded and she continued to massage the damaged flesh.



“Not so bad?” she asked.



“Mmmm, feels good,” I replied.



She looked at me, and I answered the question she was actually asking.



“No, not so bad.” Cool, soothing and gentle were her hands, I sighed and relaxed, releasing some of my fear.



“That’s good. After all, I did undress you last night.” I watched the colour rise in her cheeks and saw mischief in her eyes, dissolving the tension between us.



“You are so busted! Anything you’d like to confess, devil woman?” It was my turn to laugh.



“No,” she said, raising her eyebrows and leaving her mouth in the shape of the ‘o’, before dropping her gaze to her hands. I half expected her to start whistling the innocent song of the guilty.



“No, as in nothing, or ‘no’ as in nothing you’re willing to confess?”



“No, as in I’m not catholic and you, lady, are no priest.”



“Whatever could you mean, dear Katlyn? I am the picture of respectability -- a perfect gentlewoman.”



“Righhht.”



“Right,” I said unquestionably.



Neither of us spoke for a while.



“Ari,” she said finally, looking directly into my eyes, “I’m sorry.” Her hands continued to rub the scars, acknowledging the indelible mark our past had left on my body.



I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “Ya, me too. Me I mean, I’m sorry too.” It wasn’t much of an apology, but at least it continued the peace process. I was sorry. I’d blamed her for a lot of my troubles, dumped responsibility everywhere but at whose feet it really belonged -- my own.



“Thanks,” she said. It wasn’t much, but it a beginning,



“Friends, Katie?”



“Friends always, Ari.” Her hands moved away from my leg and she twined her fingers through mine, squeezing them.



“C’mon,” I said. “Didn’t you promise me a wild ride in the snow?”



“Absolutely,” she said in a light British accent, a la Tomb Raider. Holding my hands, she hopped to her feet and pulled me up with her in one fluid motion.



“Show off!”



“Absolutely,” she rattled back in the delicious accent. “Now, let’s get you dressed.”



I was fidgeting again as she fussed with the snaps and straps of the layered suit.



“Hold still,” she commanded. Her directive just made me squirm more.



“Ari,” she continued, “I swear. Oh for crissakes, what’s going on with you? I’m almost finished. Hold still, I need to feed this between your legs and I can’t if you keep clenching your thighs together.”



“Well, that would be half the problem, now wouldn’t it,” a silly half grin on my face, which with a subtle shift of her left hand might turn into an all out leer.



“Yes, and what’s the other half?” she asked, ignoring my non-verbal promptings.



“Well, let’s see -- half an hour ago, we were all over each other-“



“And what’s the other half,” she said laughing at my obvious discomfort, physical or otherwise.



“How the hell do you think it feels to be forty years old and having the, the, ah,” (Oh words where are you when I need you most.) “For your...” lover just didn’t want to roll off my tongue, friend didn’t go far enough and I wasn’t about to try to put a label on what was happening between us. “To... for the person responsible for the first half of the problem, to be dressing you.”



“My dear Ari, the word you’re looking for is, exhilarating, and the other word you were looking for is,” she hesitated only slightly, “lover -- at least for tonight. But that’s just me. Let’s go.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the door.



I resisted.



“Now what,” she asked.



“I um. I have to go to the bathroom,” I said, eyes downcast, scuffing my feet. “Welcome to the downside of forty.”



The sight and sound of her doubled over with laughter followed me as I paid a humbling tribute to middle age.







to be continued

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

Edited by: Patches at: 1/22/04 12:03 pm

[sam darls]

Ooh, great update Patches, I loved it. I hope Ari can get over her insecurities, and they sort things out. Love sammi xx

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler (Evan Rachel Wood)

[FlyingPoppy]

Well it's late night/early morning here and I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd come over here and see if I could find something to read. I was rewarded with the discovery that you had started an original fic, having read what you wrote of your season 5 fic, True Gift. I loved your style of writing there and I love it here. It's rare for me to find something written first person that works for me, but this is fantastic. The way you convey the emotion and the detail of their surroundings, everything.



The opening of waking with a hangover, not quite sure of the events of the night before, bought back many a memory, not pleasant ones, but accurate. Like the way events are first pieced back together by your surroundings rather than what you actually remember.



Even though it was a short paragraph, I loved the indecision of what to do with a certain email, culminating in the classic manoeuvre of moving it to your inbox with the promise of deleting it later. Deep down, she wants to read it, but can't quite bring herself to do either that or delete it. You described Ari's feelings wonderfully.



When Katlyn showed up at the rest stop and jumped into the car, you had me wondering why Ari was reacting quite so strongly. Sure you let us know that they had issues with each other, but this hinted at something more than that, something deeper. What we later find out has happened between the two explains this explosive over-reaction. I liked how Ari still had the good sense to be resigned to the fact that they were going to have to spend some time together, that she would have to rely on Katlyn, after the underpass was shut down. She could have insisted on not going with her, but that would have just been stupid and pigheaded of her, which would have made me dislike her. You have the balance just right here.



The way they are with each other in the beginning just goes to show how if you leave things unsaid for ten years they don't just go away. You don't heal. Everything is still there, all the hurt and anger, until they talk about it. I can almost feel the tension crackling between them, but nothing's going to be resolved until they get everything out in the open. They're getting there, as is shown by Ari's willingness to go out to the lake with Katlyn and her later admission that she trusts her.



They have a lot to work through and I can't wait to see what else you're going to do with this. Thank you for brightening up my evening/morning whatever it is. Sorry for going on so much.

And when I hold you like tomorrow you might die, well that's because you might, but I am here now and I am staying put, for reasons my heart knows, and so to bed to bed, my soul to share, an island of the brave, my soul to save

[justin]

That was a great update



You make it very easy to get into the characters heads and to understand them.



I was at the ending.



I'm looking forward to the next part and finding out what Katie wants to show Ara.

Postel's Prescription: Be generous in what you accept, rigorous in what you emit.

[Patches]

Responses:

Hey everyone, sorry this is late – I had trouble making this next scene work. I kept writing and it was like the characters were telling me I was doing something wrong (hopefully that isn’t as schizophrenic as it sounded in my head –lol) and that I, finally, got it right. It took a while for this to come together. As it stands, it’s not completely finished (so what else is news), but I did, I think, leave it at a good spot. I’m away for a few days and wanted to get something up before I left. I’ll give some feedback responses, then post 6b-1 (yes, there will be a 6b-2).



First off, thanks everyone for stopping in. I hope you’re enjoying the show.



Sammi – thanks for dropping in. You always have kind words that make me smile. Hang on to your hat though; there are a few bumps on the way.



Poppy—thanks for the wonderful warm fuzzies. Please don’t apologize for ‘going on’ about stuff – you guys popping in to say hello keeps me writing (motivated, writing), and I love long hello’s –LOL. I love words, but sometimes they really fail me, like now. I appreciate your gracious response, Poppy. I don’t think I can express how relieved I am to hear this is working. I know I have some (a lot) of technical style kinks to work out (no one reads this before it’s posted-yiikes), but I think you’re going to like where the story goes. I have to thank DarkMagicWillow (who beta’d True Gift for me – and I’ll get back to that in a minute) for getting me to tap into the visuals in a story. To hear, well okay read, that you can feel and see what’s happening gives my joy. I’m really trying to work on animating characters and their surroundings. That intro, btw, went through 6 ‘final I’m done with this’ revisions and it will likely go through another one later as I try to clean up some of the technical problems. I’ll admit there was a little method acting in that scene, who hasn’t awoken wondering what the hell happened the night before-lol. Admission (with a blush), this story started out as a few pages of smut. I just wanted to toy with first person and writing something trashy and somewhere along the line, the story started to mean something. (-:



Poppy, I hate stupid characters. Sometimes people do stupid things because they’re human, and humans are flawed. However, when writers take intelligent beings and have them do asinine things for the sake of creating tension or driving a plot, I want to (and have been known to) hurl the book across the room. I don’t find the excitement, mystery or suspense in the mechanical workings of a plot; I find it in the mystery of the human condition. How characters react to events intrigues me, not the actual events which ensnare them, that’s just window dressing as far as I’m concerned. Ari and Katlyn are complex characters, and you’re correct, things don’t just go away because you don’t want to talk about or deal with them.



As for “True Gift,” it’s actually not dead, it’s just simmering in the background. When this story is complete, I’ll get back to it. To be honest, I had to put it aside because I was giving myself nightmares – you guys weren’t the only ones who found it a little disturbing –lol. Thanks Poppy, for brightening my day!





Justin – Ta muchly, that image at the end just popped into my head. It just seemed to fit, and it was so innocent – something Ari was afraid she’d lost. Not quite out of the cabin yet, but don’t worry, they’ll get there. Thanks Justin.

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

[Patches]

Disclaimer: all mine, yadda, yadda, yadda, original

Feedback: yes! Please!! [Confession box – I’m a feedback junky]. Love you guys!

Other stuff: 6b-2 next week. I’m off to Sault St Marie (without a winter coat) to play in the snow for a couple of days.



Thanks for reading

Cheers!!

Patches



Chapter 6b-1.





A simple trip to the washroom, ya right. Nothing I ever did was simple. The damned moon-suit was impossible to figure out. Oh, how I longed for the simple days of zippers. Admitting defeat, I trudged out of the can with the suit half on, half off. Katlyn greeted me with a look more smirk than smile. I stood in front of her, chewing the inside of my cheek, arms crossed, eyes narrowed daring her to continue. I had a hate-on for my body as it was, and the clarion call of age and my current predicament did nothing to alleviate it.



“Don’t say a word,” I cautioned her. “Not a word.”



She walked toward me, adjusting the Velcro strap around the neck of her perfectly fitted suit. “But Ari, you’re so cute when you’re half naked and totally help—“



“Watch it,” I cautioned.



“..less,” she finished.



“Hey!”



“Defenceless?”



“Stop that.”



“Exposed—,” she eyed my naked breasts salaciously.



“What’d you do, swallow a Thesaurus? Cut it out.”



“Vulnerable.” She brushed her fingers tenderly over my cheek.



“Now who doesn’t listen well?” If not for the affable look on her face, her comments would have disturbed me. She was hitting a little too close to home.



“It’s not funny,” I said, pursing my lips.



“No, you’re right, it’s not funny.” I saw a wicked smile creep across her lips.



“Then why are you snickering at me?”



Her laugh came from deep within, “Because it’s hilarious.”



I glowered at her.



“C’mon, think about it – all bundled up, ready to go out and play at recess, but in a small child’s voice you whisper to the teacher, ‘I gotta pee.’”



“You are such a little shit,” I said responding to her banter, my embarrassment waning. If the table were turned, I’d be howling at her, and I certainly wouldn’t be as kind.



“Besides, you know you didn’t have to take the whole thing off. See, drop front crotch, like the old style men’s breeches. No more having to strip naked and freeze our tits and asses off to pee, ” she said demonstrating how to undo the crotch flap.



“Oh, ya could’a told me sooner.” I pushed playfully at her shoulder.



“True, but I was too busy laughing, and it’s not my fault you weren’t paying attention.” She arched her eyebrows innocently, “Besides, it would have spoiled my fun, Sweet Light.”



“At my expense.”



“Well, it certainly wasn’t at mine.”



“God will punish you for this, Katlyn Donovan, and if she, he, or it won’t, I will.” I set my hands firmly on my hips.



“Hollow promises and idle threats, Ari. I’d take you down in three seconds.”



“In your dreams, baby. But we’ll just have to see about that, won’t we. Now, back to the matter at hand, will you please fix this zoot suit, and remember -- you’re only a year younger than me, dear heart.”



“Hardly Ari, you’re eight weeks older than I am.”



“Doesn’t matter; different years, November to January equals one year. Remember,” I stomped my foot for emphasis, “respect your elders.”



“God Ari, you make me laugh, you really are a gem.”



I flashed her a toothy grin as the term, ‘Pre-emptive Strike,’ went through my mind. She was standing in front of me brushing imaginary lint off my shoulders. I grabbed her arms, pulled them tight to her side and hooked my leg behind hers, intent on making good my threat. As the saying goes, no battle plan survives encounter with the enemy. I found myself flat on my back with her on top of me, holding me down in a classic wrestling pin: my shoulders flat to the floor, left leg in the air hooked around her right arm. I didn’t have time to react, let alone think. I was down.



“You were saying?” she said, looking smug.



“Humiliated,” I sighed.



“Nope, just put in your place.”



“’es’cuse me?”



She stuck out her tongue.



I struggled to release myself from her grasp, but Katlyn was not of a mind to let me go. Damned athletes, couldn’t they let their bodies go to pot after age thirty like the rest of us? The harder I fought, more she tightened her grip. “Oh, you are so going to pay for this,” I said through clenched teeth.



“I’m counting on it, Sweet Light. Since we’re keeping score, add this to my card.” She freed my leg and with her available hand began a merciless tickle attack on my ribs.



I squirmed and laughed, shouting, “HEY! Stop that.”



“Uh, Uhn, Don’t think so.”



“No fair, you’re playing dirty.” I twisted under her, trying desperately to break free.



“You started it. I’m gonna finish it.”



“You mean finish me!” It wasn’t so much words coming from my mouth as squeals, and breathing was quickly becoming a bit of an issue. My body jerked and convulsed under her, entirely helpless in the face of her merciless attack. My hands, or rather my one available hand, since the other was firmly trapped under her upper body, slapped at her poking and pinching fingers. I tried to heave my body up to throw her off. She just took the opportunity to change her position and crashed down on top of me, knocking what little wind I had left out my lungs.



“Uncle?” she asked.



“Never!”



“Have it your way.”



“I always get my way.” I was breathing in fits with tears streaming down my face laughing so hard I thought I was going to pass out. But I’m nothing if not stubborn. Katlyn, however, was even more stubborn, although she did ease up just a little to allow me to catch a full breath—once.



“Ari, you’re turning the most amazing shade of purplish red. Just say ‘Uncle,’” she commanded, laughing almost as hard as I was.



“Fuck -- you,” I said playfully.



“Later. I thought we established that already.”



“Never give up. Never give innnnn, nhaaaa,.” Articulation, thought and ability to breath all disappeared in the face of her unrelenting assault. There was no doubt she had the upper hand and intended to keep it that way. I couldn’t match her strength and I wasn’t about to swallow my pride and capitulate, so a change of tactics was in order. “Katlyn, you lied to me.” I’d meant the words to come out as a whimper; instead, they tore from my throat in an anguished cry as she’d found and attacked the most ticklish part of my body.



She stopped, dead. The tension meter in the room blew off the scale. Given our history, it wasn’t the best choice of words. I couldn’t help it. I’d lost control.



“Ari, I...”



Scrambling to recover, I looked directly into her eyes and gave her the biggest smile I could, “You said it would take you three seconds to take me down. You’re a liar Katlyn Donovan. It only took two seconds.” I was still breathing hard from the tickle fight I’d clearly lost. It was difficult to speak. I relaxed my body completely, surrendering with a quiet and far to late, “Uncle.”



I not only saw, I felt the wave of relief wash over her.



“Oh shit,” she said, worry immediately weaving its way back across her face. “I thought, I mean, I don’t know what I thought. I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Her face was again a mask of pain and guilt. Damn it, I didn’t want to start this yet. I knew we’d have to face our past, now just didn’t seem like a good time to do it. I thought about the position we were in. She had my hand pinned beside my ear; her body lay directly atop mine, legs bent ‘frog’ style with her feet and ankles locked around the underside of my knees, holding my legs open. I was defenceless. Twice before, we’d found ourselves in virtually the same position. Once when we were seventeen, the second time by the waterfall on the hiking trip, an hour before she left me. Both times, we were at the threshold of sex, naked and breathing hard. The look in her eyes told me she also remembered. Both times, I had pursued her. Both times, I was the one who backed off, rejecting her for no reason other than pride—I was the seducer, not the seduced.



“No,” I whispered, “No, you haven’t hurt me.” I reached up, tucked her hair behind her ears, and brought her head down into a soft kiss. I felt her sigh against me. My kiss became a little more insistent. This time I wasn’t going to run away.





to be continued

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

[sam darls]

Ooh..that was mean leaving it there..hehe but I loved it. So good. Love sammi xx

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler (Evan Rachel Wood)

[FlyingPoppy]

I gave you warm fuzzies and joy??? Not many people can say that!



I think that the 6 final revisions of the first scene were well worth it! I know you think you have technical changes to make to it still, but I saw it as a perfect opening. Your ability to convey so much without having pages and pages of description is amazing.



I'm glad your trashy smut story has developed into something more and yes, I'm all for bumps along the way. Bumps are good, hills are even better. Mountains don't bother me either...did I just hear someone say 'angstfiend'? At the same time, of course, I want things to work out in the end, I just like a very bumpy ride. Makes it all the sweeter.



I agree with the meanness, but at the same time it was a good place to stop. Ari telling herself she wasn't going to run away made me sigh.



I liked the teasing tone of this, the way that they seemed to be a little easier around each other for a while, until “Katlyn, you lied to me.” was uttered and misconstrued. Good save by Ari to get things back on track again without having to have the dreaded talk.



Have fun in the snow, I'll be waiting patiently for an update. The news that True Gift will, one day, return has cheered me immensely. I would do a happy dance, but that would just be embarrassing...for everyone.

For yesterday is but a dream, and tomorrow is only a vision; but today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope.
It's never too late to be who you might have been.

[Patches]

Disclaimer: All original material

Feedback: Welcomed – and appreciated more than you know.

Note: Short update, wanted to get something out tonight. If I finish the next segment, I’ll post it later (much) tonight.





Responses:



Every wonderful Kitten popping in to read my prose,

I give you thanks from the bottom of my toes.

To see the page views climb up in number,

Makes this author very humble.



(now aren't you all glad I don't write poetry - :-)



Sammi – sorry ‘bout that ‘TBC’ at the end, -- it was a little nasty, wasn’t it (lol). Many thanks for reading this with me. I’m glad you’re enjoying the story.



Poppy – yes, you gave me warm fuzzies and a whole lot more (lol). Seeing your name here really does make me smile. You always provide thoughtful commentary, and I appreciate your being candid. BTW, if there’s ever something that doesn’t work for you, I encourage you to blast away. One of the reasons I’m posting here is to have this bounce around someone else’s head for a while. I have this impossible dream of actually writing something someone will publish, one day. But first, I have to learn to write! (lol) Anyway, many thanks for the encouragement, it’s rewarding to know that the things I’m working hardest on, like imagery, setting and motion are starting to come together. One description often associated with my work was/is ‘verbose.’ I’m trying to tighten things, and learn a little discipline. As for characters, I like so-called ‘gutsy’ characters; I think their flaws make them interesting. I’m a big fan of JM Redmann’s Micky Knight stories, (well worth getting if you haven’t read them) – now there’s a character I could fall in love with (-: There are, you’ll be glad to know, some events that should feed that ‘angstfiend’ nature of yours as we travel deeper into the story. I'm wondering if it's possible to write a love story along the theme of Conrad's Heart of Darkness. Now, that would be a challenging story to write. Although, I'm sensing more that I might be writing on the fringe of that story, except it's the ascent from madness, not into madness.



Oh, please, Poppy, do a happy dance, and I’ll dance too – and it wouldn’t be embarrassing in the least. We’ll be too busy laughing at each other to care what anyone else thinks.

Hope you like this one.





Thanks for Reading

Cheers!!

Patches



~~~~~~~

Chapter 6b-2



Katlyn returned my kiss, acknowledging my surrender and all it implied to our past and to our present. We took our time, savouring the moment, enjoying the simple pleasure of physical touch. I closed my eyes and concentrated on her kiss, how it made me feel, the pleasure it gave me and from it, the warmth that flowed through my veins. I also realized I had a lot to learn about the sheer sensual pleasure of kissing. Her kiss wasn’t just a warm up or prelude. It was a journey, an entire symphony, beginning, middle and end--prelude, fugue and finale. She held my body, entwined in hers and I lost all thought, my existence reduced to the remarkable feeling washing through me. It started with a trickle and built to a raging torrent, desire, as I had never experienced. I thought only of her body touching mine, the taste of her sweet breath, her delicious scent and felt her fire melt the icy ramparts of my soul. She tightened her body, lightly pressing into mine as she rocked her hips against me. Responding to her, my body pressed upwards, her kiss taking me whole. Slowly she eased back, pulling her lips away from mine. I was giddy, light headed. Katlyn smiled at me, “You’re supposed to breath, Sweet Light.”



So many thoughts went through my mind, but when I opened my mouth to voice them, all that came out was a throaty whispered, “I want you,” echoing the words she had spoken to me many years before. She closed her eyes and pressed her body tight to mine, sending shivers through me.



“Ari, do you have any idea what you do to me?”



“Some,” I replied sensually, running the tip of my tongue across my top lip. “And I’d like to do more.”



“Yes,” she breathed. Had I been naked, I think I would have come when I saw the look on her face and felt her body tremble. She grasped my hand and gently held it in place when my wandering fingers sought her breast, and she said, “But it’s still—not—later.”



It wasn’t a rejection. Her eyes, her body made that perfectly clear. Releasing my hand, she again gently brushed my cheek and placed a feathery kiss on my forehead. I sighed. She was good at dancing around land mines.



“You’re sure about that.” It was impossible to hide the open want in my eyes. I moved my hips enticingly under her to punctuate my point.



“No. I’m not sure about anything when you look at me like that.”



“But you think it’s not later.”



“No, it’s not later.”



“Okay then, let’s go, ‘cause my already overheated body isn’t going to listen to my mind for much longer. Oh, Katie?”



“Humm,” she replied.



“You really have turned kissing into an art form.” I looked at her and felt my cheeks redden with a deep blush. I wondered for a moment if she’d ever made anyone come just from kissing them.



Her answer was a slight smirk and a raised eyebrow, like she was reading my mind.



I loved the feeling it gave me when she smiled at me, though I knew as incredibly turned on as I was, as we both were, there were other issues to deal with, and deal we would, with our hearts and not our bodies. This time, she was the one who put the breaks on, but I understood why and as much as I dreaded what we were about to face, the prospect of cleaning up my past mistakes gave me a small measure of solace. Hours ago, it just terrified me.



“So we’re even,” I said jokingly.



Her response was to kiss me, hard and deep, leaving me breathless. Then her hands took a swift but thorough tour of my body, reconnoitring every curve and sweet spot my body had to offer. To her hands, my body held no secret, save one. She knew what she was doing, where to touch me and how to illicit the moans and groans her ears wanted to hear.



As swiftly as her lust filled assault on my body began, she ended it, leaving me hanging on the edge of orgasmic oblivion. She lay motionless on top of me, narrowed her eyes and said, “Now, we’re even.” Then she pushed herself off me and stood up. I looked up at her with a “you’ve got to be kidding,” look on my face. “Katlyn, you are a wicked, wicked woman,” I said breathlessly.



She crossed her arms and looked down at me before extending her hand to pull me up. “Yes, I do believe I am. Wonder where I learned that little trick, humm?” She was playing with me, teasing me, and unlike ten years ago, where I was serious, she was not. No, wait, who was I kidding. She was serious. She had me, she knew it, and so did I. This was meant to sting and it did.



“Oh, ouch. But, I suppose I got off lucky. No, check that, I didn’t get off at all.”



“Ya well, Sweet Ari, as I recall, neither did I. C’mon.” She grabbed my hand and we headed outside into the frigid November night.



Despite my reservations about the clothing, it was, as Katlyn promised, warm. Unlike my arrival, when all I could think about was collapsing anywhere warm and dry, I absorbed the beauty of our setting. A slight breeze sent the fine flakes of white swirling around us. I saw the cabin set in relief against the trees, covered in a wonderful blanket of snow, thick and folded, dripping from the roof and tree tops. The inside of the cabin glowed faintly from the embers of the fire and cast welcoming light into the night. I expected the night to be pitch black, but the snowfall had brightened its darkness. There is nothing so marvellous as the beauty of nature. The crisp cold stung my lungs, but I didn’t care. Compared to the grime of the city, the stink and the constant sixty-cycle hum, cold or no, I knew I was in paradise. At the very least, I was on my way out of Hell.



Long ago Katlyn challenged me, it was the last real talk we’d had before today, when would I ever let it go. My answer was the cliché, “When Hell itself freezes over.” I looked at her as she fired up the snowmobile and she beckoned me to sit on the sled behind her. I put on the helmet and gloves she’d given me, slogged through the knee-deep snow and climbed on the back of the machine. “I guess Hell has finally frozen over,” I said.



“Pardon?” A voice crackled in my ear, making me jump. It wasn’t a hallucination; it was Katlyn’s voice, inside my helmet. Oh, was I confused.



“What the fuc-. Who?“



“Did you just say, ‘Hell has frozen over?’”



“What.” Confused again, what was she doing in my head.



“Ari, did you hear anything I said when we left the cabin. Hello, lost one, the helmets are equipped with radio headphones and mics, so we can talk along the trail.” I felt her body shake with laughter.



“Huh, what. I mean pardon. I guess I got distracted looking at the cabin. I didn’t exactly take a close look when we go here. Sorry, what did you say?”



“Oh Ari, you delightful wonder. It’s a miracle you made it to forty.”



“Hey,” I retorted, “I resemble that remark.”



“Yes, Sweet Ari, you do. Now, would you please put your hands a little higher on my waist.”



“Why?” I had my hands tucked snugly around her hips.



“Because you little tramp, if you leave them there, we’re going to end up driving into a tree.”



I slid my right hand lower, her sharp intake of breath rewarding me.



“Stop that!” crackled into my headset.



“Yes, Sir!”



“That too. You all set?”



I responded by moving my hands to her waist, pressing close to her body and nodding, ‘yes’ against her shoulder.



“Okay, hang on tight.” We were off into the night.



I hadn’t been on a skidoo since I was a kid, with one exception and that wasn’t exactly a fun romp in the snow, but it wasn’t a memory I expected to taint my current experience. If I was scared then, I was terrified now. I hung on to Katlyn for dear life, burying my face in her shoulder as we zoomed ahead on the trail. Random images assaulted me, most of them macabre; our mangled bodies crumpled in a heap of crushed metal, wrapped around a hundred year old towering white pine.



“Having fun?” Katlyn called to me.



“Is that what this is?” I replied tightly.



“You can relax a little, I am a good driver. Only killed one passenger.” She throttled the machine up and the scenery flew past me in a blur.



“WHAT?” tore from my lips.



“Kidding.”



“Don’t do that to me!”



“Easy there, girlfriend. Besides, it wasn’t my fault.”



I clenched my teeth and felt my body bounce around. I was in no danger of falling off the skidoo, my legs were clamped so tight to the seat it would take the Jaws of Life to pry me off.



“Ari, breathing is good, especially for me.”



When I didn’t respond, she slowed down.



“However, broken ribs are not. Are you okay?”



“Fast moving machines, snow and Arianna, don’t seem to mix.” I said referring to myself in the third person, but easing my death grip on her mid-rift. “Not so good with the snow machine as I thought. But, it’s okay. I’ll be fine. I’m good. It’s good. I haven’t been on a sled since…well, since, well, you know, since then. I’m sorry.” I bit my lip as hard as I could, angry at myself for ruining everything.



She stopped the skidoo and twisted around, taking her helmet off so she could talk directly to me. “I’m sorry, Ari. I didn’t think. Do you want to go back?” I popped my visor up and looked at her. Her eyes were a deep shade of grey, and they were troubled.



“No. No, it’s okay. I’m good. The only way to conquer fear is to face it, right.”



“Not what this is about, Ari.”



“No, but for me right now, it’s what it’s become. It’s what this whole day has become. Facing demons and chasing them away,” I gave her a sorry assed smile and a hopeless shrug. “Really, it’s okay. Let’s keep going. I’ll be fine. Honest.” My eyes pleaded with her to listen to my words and ignore every other signal I was sending out.



She let out a long sigh. “It’s just a little further, and I’ll take it slow.” She put her helmet back on and took her hand and placed it over mine, squeezing hard. “You’re sure.”



“Absolutely,” I tried to copy her sexy accent from earlier. It didn’t work.



“Absolutely,” she tossed back to me, with an impeccable vocal impersonation of Lady Croft.



“Keep talking like that, baby, and you can take me anywhere you want and do anything to me,” I said to break the tension.



“That a promise Arianna Churchill?” Her voice was edged.



“No Katie. That was a threat.” I thrust my hips against her.



I heard an, “Ahhn,” reverberate around me.



“Thinking about it, aren’t ‘cha. Me lying under you, pleading for you to take me—hard.” This was just too much fun.



“Ari,” she said breathlessly, “I really am going to punish you for this.”



“I hope so,” I whispered. “Someone has to,” I finished silently.



We continued our journey, letting the banter drop. She was careful, either because she was mindful of me, or as I more aptly suspected, because I was getting under her skin every bit as much as she was getting under mine. Nevertheless, I settle comfortably against her, keeping my hands a respectful distance from any part of her that might turn metaphor into reality. I was even so bold as to poked my head from its safe haven behind her shoulder. On the way back in, I promised myself I would look at more of the trail. I tried to see through the trees, but their heavy canopy blocked out the night sky. Still, I knew they were there. The stars were waiting for us in the wide-open expanse with promise of tortured absolution.



“Sorry,” I mumbled.



“For what?”



“For everything.”



She didn’t say anything, but I felt her take a deep breath. This wasn’t going to be easy, for either of us.



“Almost there,” she said easily.



“Damn, and here I was getting all loosened up. I even opened my eyes for a minute.” I was loose all right. Between her kiss and our banter just now, the faint pulse between my legs was growing stronger. Sitting this close to her, holding tight and not being able to act on anything we were saying was having quite an effect on me. Had I really offered myself to her, and meant it. What kind of hole was I digging myself into? I don’t play by those rules. Katlyn Donovan, who the fuck are you to mess with my imperfect world?



She slowed to a stop and I snapped out of my introspection.





To be continued





ETA...some minor revisions after initial post. Nothing too substantial.

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

Edited by: Patches at: 2/2/04 11:30 pm

[justin]

That was a great update



It seems to me that they might be moving a bit fast with the relationship, especially since they seemed to be close to blows when first met up, that they're just ignoring the issues between them rather than dealing with them. Though maybe that's just me.



It's now been, I don't know, a whole load of updates since Katie suggested going out to see this thing and we still don't know what it is. Delayed gratification is all well and good but there are limits



Looking forward to reading more.

Postel's Prescription: Be generous in what you accept, rigorous in what you emit.

[FlyingPoppy]

Wow, what a kiss. Comparing the kiss to a symphony is interesting, I'll have to try that...



I liked the fact that it was almost like a first kiss for her in some respects, the emotion of it was new for her.



I was surprised that Katlyn didn't think that Ari might be scared on the journey, or at least apprehensive. Though maybe she thought because Ari had agreed to go with her and said she trusted her that things would be ok in that respect? Lol, that's probably as blast-y as I'll get in terms of what doesn't work for me, not that it didn't work as such, it just seemed a little unlike her to me.



Regarding what they're going to see, I thought they were going to a lake for some reason, did you say that here or have I totally made it up?



I don't find your work verbose in the least. Maybe that just means I I like verbose though Hey wordy can be good...anyway, if you have been accused of that, I think you can safely say that you are indeed tightening up.



I haven't read anything of JM Redmann's, though I will keep an eye out for it. I like a good crime/detective novel and I seem to have a lot of time for reading right now.



I'm pleased to here my inner angstfiend will be satisfied. Ok, so it's not so inner, but still.



I think it's possible to write a love story on just about any theme if you have the right characters. Yes, it would be a big challenge. Ascents from madness stories are better than descent into madness, IMHO, as it's less easy to tell where the story's going. I hate getting a third of the way through a book and knowing what's going to happen, then being prooved correct. That is something that makes me throw a book across the floor.



Just because you asked so nicely...



*Poppy does a happy dance on her way out of the thread*



The horror!

For yesterday is but a dream, and tomorrow is only a vision; but today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope.
It's never too late to be who you might have been.

[justin]

Flying Poppy wrote:

Quote:

---

Regarding what they're going to see, I thought they were going to a lake for some reason, did you say that here or have I totally made it up?

---

If you did make it up then you're not the only one, as I've been thinking the same thing.

Postel's Prescription: Be generous in what you accept, rigorous in what you emit.

[sam darls]

Ooh..That was soo amazing, I loved it. My computer is broke at the moment, so I'm having to rely on library ones..grrr.. Love sammi xx

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler (Evan Rachel Wood)

[Patches]

Responses:



Hello Kittens all! So sorry - update not quite ready, obligation has taken a bite out of my writing time. That and I’ve agonized the past week over pacing. I’d planned to finish the rest of the update last week, but something (other than obligation) was nibbling at the corners of my sanity. I’m inherently impatient and wasn’t sure where I wanted to put this next scene. After deciding I would wait for later, I started writing – lo and behold – the scene decided to write itself in here anyway (lol). I have over 3,000 words, in fragmented sections, in two separate files waiting to be made sense of. I do believe, however, you will be pleased with the effort.



Poppy, Would that be “Two to Tango?” Nope, no horror here – just happily watching you trip the light fantastic

The kiss … I’m glad it worked. Besides personal preference (blush), kissing seems to be a lost art in writing. No small stretch to guess I don’t have (much) problem writing erotic scenes (which, truthfully was why I started this story – I wanted practice – writing, that is). I find so many writers spend page upon page penning steamy love scenes, but they ignore kissing, which to me, is a great wrong. I wanted something very sensual to happen that wasn’t explicitly sexual. Kissing fills that ‘gap’ nicely, don’t ‘cha think. Just to be a tease, wait until later…this, dear Poppy was just the beginning (lol, and blushing furiously). I also wanted to fan the fire, so to speak, of the antagonistic relationship that exists between the two women. The first kiss was innocent; the second was an intentional jab, and without giving too much away – sets up some later events.



Katlyn’s behaviour was deliberate. Of course, Ari does say, ‘what the hell’ but I wanted you to be pissed at Katlyn for not thinking. Two reasons: first, as I hope you discovered from the opening chapter, Katlyn is a button pusher and Ari is often a target (that’s the subtle motivation of the writer); second, I hate it when characters make the perfect choice, every time – people are flawed, and you’re right, she didn’t think, she wanted to have fun. It was something I’d hope would work both ways. Yes, they’re going out to a lake. As I said earlier, I sometimes have difficulty with pacing. It did seem to take them a long time to get out of the cabin, but I think if the updates are read together as one chapter, it might not be so bad. With no murder or external mystery/challenge to solve, setting becomes very important to the story. As for your ‘angstfiendly’ nature, Poppy – there’s some good shyte to come, don’t ‘cha worry about that). Speaking of angst, I’ll give you another nudge to get Redmann’s books (you can order the first two, “Death by the Riverside,” and “Deaths of Jocasta” from the publisher . Bella books (I think) will also re-publish her third (“Intersection of Law and Desire”) and fourth (“Lost Daughters”) novels. At any rate, I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve read the first two. You want angst, and intelligent writing, Poppy; get your hands on Redmann’s stuff.



Finally, thank you for your wonderful comments and insight – they bolster my entirely too fragile ego. I can take many things, but embarrassing myself in public is not one of them.



Justin: As I said to Poppy above, I do struggle with pacing, but if you read through what I wrote to her, hopefully it will make more sense.



Sammi: No computer!! Ye gads and little fishes, that’s terrible. I’d go crazy without my machine – not having it would be like trying to breath with my kidneys – never gonna happen Thank you all the more for making the extra effort.



Update before the weekend, either very late tonight (eastern standard time) or tomorrow evening.

Love you guys!

Peace!!

Patches

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

Edited by: Patches at: 2/12/04 4:08 pm

[Patches]

Usual stuff: original

Feedback: yup, please

Notes: no the chapter isn't finished (see a trend here), but I wanted to get this part off my plate. I've gone over it so many times, I don't know if it's even readable at this point. Good news is the rest is almost finished and will be up later tonight or tomorrow.



Thanks for reading!

Peace!!

Patches

~~~~~~~





Chapter 7







We came to a stop at the edge of a clearing. The light from the headlamp flooded the area past the tree line. The beam filled the expanse. In front of me was a wide-open field. I scanned my surroundings and did a double take. It wasn’t a field. It was the lake, a deep sea of snow and ice, ringed to my left with steep cliffs rising from the water, and to my right thick groves of trees drinking from the water’s edge. The clearing stretched for a mile in either direction and seemed to reach beyond infinity and touch the sky in front of me. If not for the rock face and trees, it would be impossible to discern where the beach ended and the frozen lake began. The expanse appeared endless as the darkness swallowed the lamplight’s beacon. I looked up and saw the star field, hundreds upon thousands of tiny lights dancing in the sky, pinholes in the curtain of night.



“Wow,” I exclaimed, taking off my helmet. I snuggled close to Katlyn, resting my chin on her shoulder to get a better view, my discomfort and moroseness momentarily forgotten.



“Impressive, isn’t it.”



“Beautiful,” I whispered softly, afraid the vibration from my voice would shatter the scene like a wispy-thin etched crystal pane crushed under the tracks of a rumbling bulldozer.



“Hey! I just saw a shooting star.” Despite my best effort, I could not contain my enthusiasm. My voice thundered in the night and echoed into the distance.



“Make a wish and think of several hundred more, Sweet Light. It’s the night of the Leonids.”



“Cool! I never get to see them, or the stars for that matter, at least not like this. I’m never anywhere dark enough.”



“Why is that?” she asked.



“Huh, why is what?”



“Why… Never mind.”



“Oh, you mean stargazing. You’d think the hopeless romantic would be on the rooftop every night gazing into the heavens.”



“Sure, something like that.”



“Might be because I like, live in a city y’know, that whole modern ’lectricity thang.” I said mockingly, and continued, “Katlyn, there are times you say the odd-,” I broke off the sentence with, “Wow! Do you see that one? Look, to your left, screaming across the edge of the horizon.” I was virtually bouncing up and down in the seat behind her. My arm was tucked under hers, brushing against the side of her breast, pointing into the distance.



“Yes. Earth-grazers.” She shuddered and pulled my arm in, placing it safely under hers, around her waist, out of harms way. Score one for me. “Ari, look up, between the braches. See it?” The sky amid the fixed lights of the space was beginning to pepper with brilliant white streaks, some short and dim, others brilliant balls of light falling earthward from the heavens.



I looked up and scowled at the treetops obscuring my view of the sky. “No. Damn trees.”



“Want to walk down the beach out of the shadow of the trees. There’s no moon tonight, and we’ll get an amazing show if we’re away from here, and turn the lights off.” There was an odd hitch in her voice, which she quickly covered with, “Unless you feel like riding, the snow is deep and I don’t know if—”



“Technology good, remember,” I interrupted.



“Really,” she replied sarcastically. I couldn’t see her, but I knew the look I was getting, lips pursed in a cocky half smile and eyebrow arched high.



I took a deep breath. “Ya, I know—the whole issues thing. But hey, they’re the reason we’re out here sitting fully clothed in front of a frozen lake, instead of inside laying naked by a warm fire, so ‘Lay on Mac Duff.’ I tried to slide my hand higher but she blocked my happy wanderings, instead I settled for rubbing my gloved hand against her clothed stomach.



“Nice choice of plays. Couldn’t you have pulled something from A Midsummer Night’s Dream, or Huckleberry Finn—”



“How about, Othello, Much Ado About Nothing?”



“Oh Arianna, maybe something a little lighter.”



“Fine then, wasn’t Huck Fin in Romeo and Juliet.”



“Hopeless.”



“You forgot romantic, one of my nicer virtues.” I looked up at the treetops blocking my view of the overhead sky. “Let’s go Romeo.”



“Nice to see you finally acknowledge who’s the butch,” she said casually.



“Oh, puh-lease.”



She let the argument drop and put the snowmobile into gear. “There’s just one thing I have to warn you about,” she said over the drone of the engine as she inched us forward.



“Pardon?” Without my helmet on, it was hard to hear what she was saying.



“You won’t be able to-, and it’s a little disorienting. I’m used to it and, well, I don’t want you to get spooked, okay.”



I laughed, not really hearing or paying attention to all she was saying, just assuming it was another of her little put downs. She and I often bantered, but right now, I wasn’t in the mood to get into a pissing contest with her, even a light-hearted one. We continued driving around the crest of the beach and pulled to a stop near the frozen water’s edge. The sled sank into the deep snow. For now, I’d managed to suppress my fears and keep the more unpleasant memories of my last encounter with snowmobiles at bay. It wasn’t fun. I thought I’d gotten past the worst; on the other hand, I hadn’t been on a snowmobile since they pulled me half-frozen out of the bush. I was surprised by how deep the fear ran, and wondered what triggers lay in wait to trap me. Shaking the feeling off, I finally replied, “Don’t worry. Me big butch,” I beat my chest a la Tarzan, giving her a few incidental whacks in the process for her dig.



She removed her helmet and gave her head a shake, then fastened her long hair back in a pony tale, swatting me in the process before tucking her dark locks back under the skullcap of the suit. “Ya, I know, that’s what concerns me, the harder the outside, the softer the inside. Besides, I’m not the one who sleeps with a ni”—she checked herself in mid-word.



“With?”



“I don’t think you want me to answer that.” She twisted around to face me. Her eyes were the colour of slate, and the set of her jaw was all the warning I needed.



“No, likely not.”



“Ari, just how much of last night do you remember,” she asked sombrely.



I looked at her, trying to read her intent. “From the look in your eyes right now,” I swallowed, “apparently not enough.” My brain scrambled to remember. Mustering my courage, I enquired, “Why do you ask?”



“Because I’m about to turn the lamp off, and it’s going to get…very, very dark,” she said emphasizing each word.



I furrowed my brow. We were sitting, almost facing one another and it was awkward. My arm was around her waist, and her shoulders were nestled against me, her body half on the sled, half on me. But the awkwardness had nothing to do with body parts. Something felt very wrong.



Another image from last night burst into my consciousness, filling in the rest of the scene in my loft. My body tensed and I knew where this was heading. The click wasn’t the door closing behind her. It was the door’s deadbolt sliding back, before she opened the door. I remember yelling at her, “Fine. Leave. I don’t care—just get the fuck away from me. Leave! It’s what you do best.” She hadn’t replied, just reached for the door and snapped the light off plunging the room into total darkness—darkness, the place of monsters. I heard my voice in my head, the panic ridden words that tore from my throat, screaming, ‘Turn it on! Turn it on! Turn the light back on. DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE IN THE DARK.” The light came on and she pivoted to face me. I’d bolted out of bed, desperately searching for the touch lamp beside my bed. I was terrified of the darkness – the fiend and the nightmare had invaded my waking hours. My outburst had visibly shaken her, and shattered me. “What,” I’d spat at her before she could say anything. “Get out. Haven’t you humiliated me enough for one night!” I’d stood up and stormed around, feeling stupid and small. She walked toward me, tears rolling down her cheeks. I knew she wanted to hold me, but I shut her out. “Get out Katie, please, leave. There’s nothing you can do, nothing anyone can do. Please, just leave me. I can’t do this – not now.” I turned on all the lights. “Don’t say anything, promise me you won’t say anything,” I’d pleaded. She shook her head, ‘No.’ As she left, she’d turned to me and choking back her own tears said, “You weren’t the only one out there.” After she left, I did the one thing I’d sworn I’d never do. I drank myself into oblivion.

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

Edited by: Patches at: 2/12/04 7:23 pm

[Patches]

(Just keep right on reading)





The whole scene played before me in an instant. So unprepared was I for the weight of the memory, I let go of her, her body was like a branding iron, burning its way into my soul, stripping my armour, leaving me raw and open. I jerked away. It was an instinctive, violent reaction, like I’d touched fire. Losing our already precarious balance, we both tumbled into the soft deep snow. She landed on me, knocking the wind out of me, further disorienting my already spinning senses. My leg twisted painfully, scar tissue not as resilient as flesh. I heard sounds, and realized it was my own voice, pain seared through me like a bullet. I tried to move, but was trapped by her solid weight. Blind panic set in, my senses overloaded.



“Ari,” she screamed, “Don’t move!” I felt her strong hands holding me down. She was talking to me but in the darkness, I couldn’t understand what she was saying.



“Stay still,” she repeated. I felt trapped, in pain and trapped. I struggled against her, shouting, “NO.”



“FUCK! Hold still.” Her elbow pressed painfully into my right shoulder and she grabbed a handful of my hair, immobilizing thrashing head. Her other hand seized my left wrist, which she pinned between our chests. Her face was inches from mine.



“Ari, open your eyes,” she commanded, her voice low and controlled. “Open your eyes and look at me now. God-damn-it, I can’t hold it and you!



“It hurts, I know it hurts. Please Ari, trust me. I can’t hold on much longer. Look at me, Sweet Light, please look at me.” Her heavy breath was warm against my face.



I heard the desperation in her voice and felt her body trembling. The part of me that instinctively understands survival complied. I looked up into her eyes and saw fear, fear the universal sobering agent. I glanced past her and saw what was making her body shake. Our weight as we fell had tipped the machine in the soft snow, causing it to lean. My leg was jammed between the large tread and the body of the snowmobile, the engine still on. If she couldn’t get me out, the weight of the sled would snap my leg like a twig.



“Good, welcome back,” she whispered. “Is it broken?”



Too numb for words, I shook my head.



Relief washed over her face. “Don’t be afraid, just do exactly as I tell you. The snow’s too soft for me to use as leverage, so I’m going to use your hands and body to anchor myself and try to push the sled upright a bit at a time with my leg. As soon as there’s any play, gently ease your foot out. Okay. Understand me.”



I nodded.



“Great, now gently slide your other hand between us. This is going to hurt. You’ll have to carry the force as I push. Go slow. No sudden movement.”



I complied, but our shifting bodies caused the snowmobile to list further. I gritted my teeth and tried to stop my scream. Our bodies were sinking deeper into the snow, like we were being lowered into a grave.



“Shit!” she exclaimed.



“No, it’s okay, just do it. It’s going to break soon anyway,” I panted through the pain.



Her gloved hands twined with mine and rested on my chest.



“Ready?” The sweat dripped off her face from exertion.



I nodded, and her hands dug into me as she pushed against gravity. I thought my collarbone was going to snap from the pressure, but it held. I felt the machine ease slightly, then a little more and finally I was able to free my foot and slid it over to help her.



“I’m free. Going to push with you.”



I silenced her protest. “Fuck it. Both, need…”



“On three. One, two, three.” We pushed for all we were worth and gravity and the machine gave in to our will.



Her arms were around me and I felt myself being yanked and rolled out of harms way. I was breathing hard, we both were. We were covered in snow and lay a few feet from the offending machine. The Luddite life was again starting to appeal to me. Then she started kissing me, holding tight, peppering my face with her lips and her tears. We’d reached the breaking point.



“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” she choked the words through anguished, gut wrenching sobs. Then it hit me, the heaviest ordinance in her arsenal, truth. I wrapped my arms tightly around her, ignoring the physical pain. I didn’t cry, I knew my tears would come later. For all these years, I’d denied her pain, until last night. Last night when I finally knew, when she yelled at me, “You weren’t the only one out there.” I’d denied her pain, so caught up in my own festering pool of self-pity. I’d denied her fears and her feeling. It was always about me. Last night, she’d opened the door to her pain, but I had callously shut it in her face. She didn’t want to hold me; she wanted to be held, for me to understand the hell I’d put her through. The hell we shared. She offered to share that with me, but I rebuked her. She’d tried everything to reach me, and I blocked her at every turn. I thought of the look in her eyes earlier when she begged me to make love to her. Gods in the heavens, I was such a fool. So much to make up for. I’d buried her pain in a bottle of booze so I wouldn’t have to remember, or acknowledge that I wasn’t the only one hurt. I am such a fucking selfish ass.



I held her face tight to my aching, bruised shoulder, but remained oblivious to the pain. I held her as wave after wave of pain tormented her. I held her, finally acknowledging her pain. I pulled my glove off and stroked her face and head, ignoring the biting cold gnawing at my fingers. At this moment, I would have walked through the fires of Hell to hold her. But Hell, as I noted earlier, had finally frozen over. Slowly, she came back. Her tears abating and she took my icy fingers and kissed them.



“Thank you, Sweet Light,” she said softly. “Thank you.”



I let out a groan as the reality of physical pain crept back into my world.



“Here, let me look,” she said, her face a mask of concern. “Put your glove back on.”



“S’okay.”



She gave me an, ‘I don’t think so, and don’t you try to stop me,’ look as she wiped her tear streaked face.



Her practiced hands checked my body, looking for injury often hidden by adrenaline rush. I gasped as she found a few bruises I didn’t know I had. Then she gently turned her attention to my damaged leg, never taking her eyes off mine as she twisted and turned the limb, assessing the damage by watching my reaction. It was all clinical now.



“What parts of your leg still don’t have feeling?” she inquired.



I started. “How did you know...”



“It’s what I do, remember. Despite your best efforts, I know these people, remember.”



She sighed. “I know what you’re thinking, and I know you told the hospital not to give me any information. However, I threatened to out the physiotherapist to his wife if he didn’t give me the goods.” She interrupted herself with, “tell me when this hurts.” I obliged by delivering the requisite, “It’s still attached and I’d like to keep it that way,” response. She continued with her story. “It was important to me that I know how you were doing. It was my fault—“



I cut her off in mid-sentence. “Bullshit! That’s nothing but fucking bullshit! It’s NOT your fault!” My voice bordered on rabid. She pulled back.



“No! You’ve taken this shit for ten years. It wasn’t your fault.”



“Ari, I’m not going to start a debate in the middle of an exam.” Her voice was tight. Up the roller coaster, down the roller coaster, was this ride ever going to end I wondered.



I struggled to sit up, my shoulder and chest had a few complaints, but I ignored them. “Katlyn.” She ignored me. “Katlyn, Katie, please, let’s not do this, this way. It’s just too fucking weird.” I started to laugh. She looked incredulously at me, then a smile curled around the corner of her lip.



“Did you really threaten to out Philippe, or are you just pulling my leg?”



“Yes, I threatened to out him. Though, sneaking a peek at your file wasn’t that hard. Hello, I am a therapist remember, I have access to a great many things.” She continued to talk as she finished her examination.



“But that’s for later. How much loss of range and feeling is there?”



We were back to business. She was stretching and exercising my leg.



“It’s not too bad. Mostly my ass and the wound site itself. Other than that, just a patch around my thigh, but it’s better.”



“How often are you in physio?”



“Okay, we have to stop this.”



“Stop what?” Her brows knit.



“This is weird. Isn’t there some rule that you can’t have sex with a patient, or something? Especially one who’s a raving lunatic you’ve just save from having her leg ripped off by a snowmobile.”



“Of course, but I’m not your therapist. And you’re not a raving lunatic, and I’m sorry I set you up like that. I wanted you to remember what happened last night, but I was too much of a coward to just say it.”



“Okay, head spinning time. We’re having two conversations here. First, when you talk all medical like that you’re a therapist, and it’s just weird. And second. Well. Can’t we do this as…” my voice trailed off.



“As,” she prompted.



“As friends.” I looked down, not wanting to meet her eyes. I know we’d done the whole, ‘let’s be friends’ thing earlier. But this really counted for something. We weren’t trapped in the heat of passion, or basking in it’s afterglow. We were freezing our asses off on a mountain, at the edge of a frozen lake, a few feet from a snowmobile that was likely going to run out of gas soon, and it mattered.



She gently lowered my leg and shifted to kneel beside me, lifting my chin her wolf-like eyes held my gaze. They were filled with joy. She leaned in and kissed me softly on the lips. Even in the cold, her lips were warm and gentle, feathering against mine, her tongue lightly traced my lower lip and she gently pulled it into her mouth, sucking and biting tenderly. She murmured against me, “Friends.”



Heady, that’s the feeling. I thought I knew what the word meant, but I’m sure if I bothered to look in the dictionary the definition would read, ‘How Katlyn Donovan makes you feel when she kisses you.’



“You like that, don’t you,” her eyes were playful.



“Good god, who wouldn’t. Friendship, sealed with a kiss.” I flopped back in the snow and spread my arms out, moving them back and forth.



“Ari, what are you doing?” She looked at me like I’d gone mad. Perhaps I had.



“Making a snow angel!”



Her laughter rang out in the cold night air. “Okay, but make it quick, we still have the problem of one seriously listing snowmobile. You know what, just lay there for a minute, I’ll take care of it.”



“Call me if you need me.” I let her go and stared in wonder at the sky overhead. It was beauty to behold, as meteor after meteor crashed through the earth’s atmosphere and burned a trail in the sky. I couldn’t believe how many there were as I scanned the breath of heaven. There are days you think will forever etch themselves in your memory. This was one of them. I wasn’t foolish enough to think that it would be a cake ride from here on in with Katlyn. We had a lot to get past. I don’t know if we’ll have the kind of friendship we used to. I suspect deep down we are two very different people from who we were then. I knew I certainly was, and I don’t know that the road I’ve chosen to walk will be one easily deviated from. We don’t belong in each other’s realms, but our spheres touched so closely, like the stars, we would always run together in the night. But tonight I had something I lacked yesterday. A chance to declare the terms of our truce. It was going to be complicated, we had, obligations. I thought of Shayla and wondered. Katlyn’s grunts, groans and expletives pulled me out of my reverie, and I called to her, “Do you need help?”



“No. It’s all set,” she replied.



I tried to get up and did a marvellous impression of a beached whale. Anywhere I set my weight, I merely sunk into a new hole in the snow, no closer to vertical than I had been on the previous attempt. It was fast passing the amusing state. I gave up and crawled toward her, holding my hand to forestall her offer to assist me. I had some pride left. Looking up at Katlyn, I could tell she was barely suppressing her laughter, and then she wasn’t suppressing it at all.



“Good thing I didn’t say yes. At the rate you’re moving, it’d be dawn before you made it ten feet.”



“Ha Ha. Is this the way you treat all your victims?” The word caught in my throat and I cursed myself a fool for letting my tongue get a head of my brain. I flinched, afraid to see the damage from the exploded land mine I’d just blundered onto.



She looked meaningfully at me, as the weight of my words hung in the air.



“Come here,” she said evenly. I found my snow legs, which I’d had all along if I’d put my mind to it, and trudged toward her.



She turned around on the snowmobile and patted the seat in front of her. Apparently, she wasn’t interested in going back to the cabin just yet.



I sighed for the hundredth time it seemed that night and climbed on the seat, facing her.



Her lips were pursed and her eyes held a hint of anger. “We can go back if you want, or we can stay out here. But either way, I want the whole story, Arianna, do you understand. I want the whole thing, and don’t you dare give me the Reader’s Digest Condensed, sanitized and purified version. You put me through hell and I want to know why! If nothing else, at least tell me why.”



Looking at her, I felt my heart shatter into a thousand pieces. I felt small and vulnerable in the face of her barely contained fury.



I climbed on the snowmobile and looked her in the eyes. The air held the same crackling hush as when we’d met earlier at the rest stop. One of us needed to put an end to the insane hurt-me, hurt-you even though I didn’t mean to game we kept playing.



“First thing,” I said softly, “please turn this fucking machine off. I don’t want to have to yell over the rumble.” She complied, but left the lamp on.



“The light too.”



“Are you sure?”



“Yes. I know it will be dark, and, and darkness scares me, for a lot of reasons. But this comes out of darkness, and when the light goes off, I need you to hold me until my eyes adjust to the darkness. There’s enough light reflected off the snow that it won’t take too long. Please, just don’t let me go.” There wasn’t anything else I could give her to make her understand that with me, this is as honest as it gets and I was bringing her into a place inside myself no one, in my life had ever ventured.



She nodded and pulled me close. She pulled my head down toward the crook of her neck. I shook my head and locked her gaze with mine. She reached back and snapped the light off.

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

[wolfwynd]

oooooh, this is getting good now! I mean it was good before, but now it just got better!! Great story - great characters - full of twists and turns. More soon?



Wolfy

"Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun."

-Matt Groening