Okay, here goes.This is a fairly long update -- about 8,500 words, so it's about 3 times longer than previous. I hope this has the same kind of flow as the other sections, and to be honest, I haven't read the flashback sequence in its entirty from beginging to end. I'm curious about what you guys think of the events in this section. I'm going to spoiler this next bit -- if you want you can read it now, or come back and read it after you've finished the update.
Usual disclaimers - and Feedback -- Oh ya, baby, bring it on!
Cheers!!
Patches
Thanks for Reading
Flashback sequence four.Shayla left Ari and Jeff with a final glance over her shoulder. The dance of hunger and music of desire the two moved to was known to her. The body enclosed in masculine arms, legs that wrapped around slim hips, undulating; the sweet, wet core aching to be filled, wanting release. Lips, parted and swollen. The demanding kiss. The deep need. “Pain will make it stop.” Her fingernail dug into her palms. “Pain will make it stop.” Smash went her fist into the rough bark of a chestnut-tree. The pain did not make it stop. Violent tremors shook her body and she fell to her knees. “I can’t even look through the window,” she said as her stomach drove bile past her lips. “That is right. That is normal,” she spat to the storm. “He is making love to her, and that is right. What I feel is wrong. It cannot be. What I feel is wrong. Remember the good feelings.” Shayla repeated the phrases: a mantra, while remaining frozen in place under the spreading chestnut-tree.
After the nausea passed, Shayla started running. She ran in the thundering rain for over an hour, taking the longest and most dangerous route home. But on a night such as this, even the creatures that populated the light-less alleys had taken shelter elsewhere. There was nothing to harm her, no place for her to vet her rage. Salty tears coursed down her cheeks, “Pain will make it stop,” she repeated, running full out. The night was black, the storm having knocked out power. Buckets of water poured from the sky, droplets, being driven so hard into the street they rebounded in dance from the pavement. Cold, sharp winds drove pellets of hail against her burning body, and finally, somewhere late in that hour, the pain had made it stop.
Shayla slept, though she tossed and turned in her bed for several hours. Sheets tangled around her legs and pillows were strewn across the bedroom, silent reminders of a night filled with horrible visions and conflicting dreams. No amount of Dramamine would settle her restless stomach, and aspirin did little to help the violent headache that accompanied such episodes. The rye, meant to steel her senses, had failed.
The storm continued through the night. Crashes of thunder and flashes of lightning created twisted shadows against the walls as nightmare bled into semi-conscious thought. She pulled a pillow over her head to dampen the constant hammering of thunder, and rattle of windows. The banging was rhythmic, patterned: ‘bang, crash.’ Then louder, ‘BANG, CRASH.’ The squeaky metal hinge on the door’s mail slot opened. “Shayles,” a voice called out in a loud whisper.
“Arianna? That you?” Shayla called out from the bedroom, kicking the tangled bedding from around her legs. She ran to the door, looked through the peephole, then pulled the chain back and wrenched the door open. Ari was half leaning, half slumped against the doorframe, looking so much the image of what she had seen in her own mirror only hours before: soaked through and shivering.
“Can I come in?” The powerful smell of rye oozed from her
.
“God, did you drink it or bath in it?” She regarded her friend in the dim hallway emergency lighting.
“Please, can I come in?”
As sleep and the dopy effects of the anti-nauseant zapped out of her system, Shayla swore when full power flickered then restored light. “Jesus bloody Christ! Arianna, what’s happened?”
The brunet was half caked in mud; dirt splashes from rain-clogged streets spotted her legs. She reached out and took Ari’s arm, helping the shivering woman into the apartment.
“I didn’t drink it all. Not as much as I wanted.” Ari stared at the floor. “And no, he didn’t. Nobody did. I fell.”
Breathing a half-sigh of relief Shayla said, “Explanations later. Get your ass into the bathroom. I’ll get you dry clothes and clean towels. Goddamn, the lights keep going out. Stay put. I’ve got candles out. Light a few.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Ari did a mock salute.
“Did you walk here? In this?” Shayla called from the long hallway, her voice echoing as she rummaged through the linen closet and returned to the shivering woman with a pile of towels.
“No. I walked home. Then I walked back to the park. Then I walked here.” Ari bit back tears and refused to meet Shayla’s penetrating gaze
.
“C’mere.” Shayla dropped her bundle on the arm of the couch and reached out her hand, her green eyes seeking out Ari’s. Ari said nothing but melted into the warm embrace, burying her face against Shayla’s shoulder, sobbing. Shayla held tight, as if to will the pain wracking her friend’s body to be absorbed by her own. Taking a deep breath, Ari’s tears slowed and she pulled back from the reassuring arms.
“Seems I’ve got it in for your stuff tonight, Shayles,” she said with an uneasy laugh, staring at the near threadbare tank top that was now covered in slick mud.
“I use laundry soap. Shower. Now. Then I think you and me is gonna have the rest of that chat we didn’t finish tonight.” She bent down and collected her pile. “I have the perfect way to start too.” Picking up a joint from a box on the end table, she lit up and inhaled deeply. “Your turn.”
“Shayles, I don’t—”
“Tonight, you do. It’ll make you feel good.” Shayla took another drag, then handed it over to Ari.
Ari took a toke, drawing the smoke deep into her lungs as she’d seen Shayla do, held it for less than two seconds before exploding into a coughing fit. “Holy shit!” She tried again, this time with a smaller drag but the ensuing coughing fit spent smoke spewing out her nose. “Ah, man! This burns, and it stinks.”
“Pleasure’s worth the pain. How you feelin?”
“Like someone’s poured drain cleaner into my lungs. You really do this for ‘pleasure’?” Ari took another smaller hit.
“It’s the only way I get it. Escape before avoidance. It’ll be worth it, Little Pea, promise. Got an idea. Inhale slowly. You’ll know when.” Flipping the joint so the heater was in her mouth, tip barely protruding from her lips, she pulled Ari’s startled face toward her own, pressing their lips together. Ari’s eyes, wide with shock, stared into the now glassy green-turquoise orbs glinting with mischief. A grin crept over Ari’s face and unhurried, she drew in the intoxicating smoke. Finally breaking contact, Shayla used her tongue to flip the roach out of her mouth. “That…was a supertoke. Nice, eh?”
“Mmm.” Little shivers shook Ari’s upper body while she chuckled bashfully under her breath. She looked around the candlelit room, the flickering lights strobing against the walls before fixing her gaze on Shayla’s face. “Talented mouth.” She regarded her friend with a slight shake of her head, “What’d I just say?”
Shayla smiled and ruffled Ari’s hair. “Stuff makes ya feel good, loosens up a bit. Don’t worry my Little Pipsqueak. You’re safe with me. I promise. You doing good?”
“Way better than about twenty-minutes ago.”
“Good. C’mon, you’re filthy. Go get clean.” She grabbed Ari’s grimy hand and led her down the hallway.
Shayla’s ‘flat’ was a high-end converted condominium best described as, expansive. Corporate life paid well, and so did a guilt-ridden parent. To solve the lack of reliable lighting, Shayla lit numerous scented candles scattered around the bathroom, and with two antique hurricane lamps blazing on the sink vanity a different kind of light spilled around the room. While not providing full illumination, it was enough.
“Hot damn.” Ari appraised the space as if for the first time, examining the grout around the sink in minute detail while Shayla stripped down. “Y’know, your bathroom’s bigger than my whole entire place.” Ari opened the semi-transparent etched glass doors to the large shower stall and cranked the water to hot. “Uh, Babycakes?” she called out over the tumbling water, falling back into the familiar phrase as she caught Shayla’s profile reflected in the mirror. “I’m gonna just go clothes and all for now.”
A few minutes later, the sound of the magnetic latch and the shower door rattling open startled Ari.
“S’okey, just me. Didn’t think that shirt was gonna come off by itself, did ya?”
“No, but somehow, this isn’t quite how I’d envisioned tonight ending.” While Shayla fumbled with the buttons on the back of her shirt, Ari reached under the loosened collar and stroked the gold necklace encircling her neck.
“Well, I dunno ‘bout that, but from the looks of you, this dirt’s not gonna come off without a little help either. Turn.” Shayla’s soft hands peeled away the clingy shirt and shorts. She began to scrub away the dirt. Ari twisted her body so the shower spray pounded down against the back of her head and neck.
“Shayles. Always cleaning up my messes.”
“Least I can do, since I get ya into most of ‘em.”
“Hey, easy there. Dirt goes, skin stays,” Ari said, wincing.
“Don’t be such a sissy, I’m barely touching you.” Shayla looked down at the muddy water running down the shower drain and the pink tinge now staining the puddle around their feet. “Holy shit! That’s blood. What the hell d’you do?” Little rivulets of crimson water ran down the side of Ari’s thigh, below the dirt and grass stained skin over her left hip and outer thigh. The injured area wasn’t cut deep but the flesh was mottled bruise purple and abraded, skin burned off in a raspberry scrape and ground with dirt; it looked like the residual from a bucket of chum.
“I told you, I fell.” Ari giggles echoed around the shower chamber.
“Off. What?”
“The swing at the playground, then down the side of the Ravine.”
“Don’t move.” Shayla left the shower door open and pulled a sizeable pile of gauze bandages and antiseptic wash from the medicine cabinet. Re-entering the shower she turned the temperature down and pulled Ari under the cooling water. “Next time I get you stoned, remind me I gotta make sure you haven’t bashed yourself to a bloody pulp first.”
Ari faced the redhead who had knelt down to try and get a better look at the damage. Looking down into Shayla’s green eyes, she smiled and saluted, “Yes Sir!” The two held their gaze, Ari’s breath quickened and she closed her eyes. “Okay, doc, what’s the prognosis?” She turned so Shayla could continue the assessment. “Will I live, or’m’I gonna turn into a glowing green monster from the vile pesticides ground into my skin that even as we speak are seeping slowly into my bloodstream, deconstructing my DNA, mutating my cells…aaaggghhhhNOOOOO!” Ari exaggerated her movements, flinging her scraped-over left arm to her forehead, writhing with feigned agony. “It’s happening already. I’M A MONSTERRRRR aaaaggghhhhh.” She convulsed and twitched, issuing a deep growl, pretending to claw at the body tending her wounds.
“Oh stop,” Shayla said, laughing. “This is serious.”
“Then why’r you laughing at me?” Ari grabbed Shayla’s wrist and drawing it to her mouth, playfully nipped around the pulse point.
“Because I’m flyin right now so stop, already. I gotta concentrate and get you cleaned up, gimme that hand.”
“Spoilsport.” Bending over, Ari smacked a kiss on Shayla’s forehead.
Under the powerful spray, Shayla carefully cleaned as much ground in mud and grass from the wounds as she could, apologising when Ari winced in real pain. The pile of dirty gauze squares mounted on the shower floor. She reduced the water pressure, leaned back and reached outside the shower, grabbing first a bottle of hydrogen peroxide, then one of betadine. Ari tried to back away when Shayla went to pour the hydrogen peroxide directly on the wound. “No good deed goes unpunished, eh? Fumble a bottle of rye on a swing and nearly break your neck trying to catch it so the little kiddies don’t slice their toes off. Get a hero’s welcome…nooo…and you’re not gonna—”
Shayla wrapped her arm around the inside of Ari’s left thigh and dumped the liquid before her patient could escape. “Sorry. Have’ta do this.” The solution poured freely over the damaged area and Ari began to curse when the antiseptic went to work, foaming and bubbling over the raw flesh. She struggled to break Shayla’s hold but the smaller woman held fast. Shoulder now pressed against the front of Ari’s hip, Shayla continued to drizzle the liquid over the worst abrasions. Ari sucked in air through her teeth and cured, “Fuck, this really hurts.”
“Where was Jeff? I see that bastard again I’ll rip his lungs out through his nose. Leaving you alone in the park. What’d that little two-faced shit say to you?” Shayla looked up at Ari, as the lean tanned teen became aware, perhaps for the first time, how intimate their naked bodies had become.
Ari stilled Shayla’s hand and pulled the smaller woman to her feet. She gripped Shayla’s shoulders, neither pushing her away nor drawing her closer. The veneer of playful banter dissolved, exposing raw emotion that swirled beneath the surface, each word measured as she spoke. “It wasn’t what he said. It’s what I said.” Ari’s face and upper body were flushed, her brown eyes shone hot with desire seeing the red-haired woman’s bare body so close to her own. Her stare was open, hungry as it lingered over the curve of Shayla’s hip, tracing the sensuous lines and curves of the woman’s body, travelling up to but not meeting the searching green eyes “He didn’t tell me his dreams, Shayles. I told him mine. God help me, ” she whispered, “I begged lightning to strike me dead, for him to make me forget…make me forget what it was like to be in your arms. Feel your kiss, your passion. How it was that morning in the cabin, before…when you took me that way. I know it’s wrong. That you don’t…It’s wrong, but I can’t help wanting you…”
Shayla looked up and captured Ari’s gaze. “It’s okay. Don’t fight. Let me hold you, Arianna.” She wrapped her arms around the small of Ari’s back, pulling their bodies close, pressing together.
“Oh God, Shayles…if you…I won’t…”
“Then don’t.” Shayla’s hand slipped lower, caressing Ari’s hip and she rocked her body slowly against her old lover. Meeting the rhythm Ari responded, breath quickening, desire denied no longer. Hot centre met cool flesh in a muscled thigh flexing against her. Ari leaned down and pressed her forehead against Shayla’s, never breaking eye contact. Her hands wound into Shayla’s hair.
“You want this.” Shayla’s hand trailed up Ari’s side, fingertips brushing lightly over the nipples barely touching her body, eliciting gasps and throated moans of pleasure.
Shayla moved her body slowly against Ari’s, teasing the hard nipple at her hand. She met Ari’s lips in light kiss; feather touches before she opened her mouth and welcomed Ari’s seeking tongue.
“Shayles,” Ari gasped pulling back. “Your mouth. You’re bleeding. You can’t. We can’t…”
“Pain makes it stop. When I’m stoned, it almost goes away. Please. I want to touch you. Before I come down, before I can’t stop it. I need to be inside you—again.” The hand playing at Ari’s nipple slid down the rippled abs and pressed against Ari’s hip. “Please let me make love to you.” Shayla’s hand slipped over Ari’s mound and into the slickness of the body offering no resistance.
“Yes,” breathed Ari, spreading her legs. She buried her face in Shayla’s neck, biting and kissing the sweet flesh, like a snowflake on an outstretched tongue, melting into the certain arms. “You know what I want, what I need.” Shayla’s fingers answered, teasing rippled folds between trembling legs. Ari’s breath came in short panting bursts; she ground her mouth into Shayla’s shoulder, sucking hard to bring blood to the surface while her own body surged and tightened around her lover’s hand, deep within. Fingers twined in Shayla’s hair, Ari pulled the smaller woman’s head back and kissed her, exploring the mouth she’d been denied. Her kisses were hard, bruising, biting; Shayla’s cries, swallowed with her own breath. Her hips pressed at Shayla’s hand trying to drive the questing fingers deeper. Shayla kicked at Ari’s ankle, urging the legs further apart to meet the bent thigh and impale Ari’s body fully on hers. She slid her hand from Ari's back around to squeeze and play with Ari’s taut nubs. The two stumbled back against the shower wall, driving against one another. Sharp cries of pain and passion became indistinguishable before Ari’s mouth tore away from Shayla’s; one hand, fingertips digging deep into Shayla’s skin, dragged down her neck, across her shoulder and roughly seized a breast.
“Harder,” Shayla pleaded. Ari’s fingers pinched and twisted the rigid flesh of Shayla’s nipple. Shayla’s wet core rubbed against Ari’s thigh as shivers coursed through her body. Goosebumps like pinpricks darted up her skin, from toes to scalp. The trembling increased, and her motions inside Ari slowed.
“Wait. Shayles. Don’t. Not yet.”
Shayla shook her head forcefully and pressed her body into Ari’s, near panic rising in her green eyes. She circled her thigh and hand against Ari, spreading her lover’s lips open against her palm, exposing Ari’s hypersensitive clit to direct touch. Ari cried out as the first sensation of orgasm swept through her body. Tears streamed down her face and she arched against the touch that was making her come. Her body shuddered and trembled, then tightened around the hand that wanted to make her forget every oath she’d sworn since the moment the words, ‘you should be ashamed of yourselves,’ shredded her world. She fell against Shayla as the last ripples of pleasure and release coursed through her body.
Shayla moved to gently leave Ari’s body causing shivers to race up Ari’s spine. Ari lifted her head from Shayla’s shoulder searching out the green eyes, questioning. The look that greeted her sent an icy blast of fear racing through her. Shayla’s face was pale and she was biting her lip so hard she was about to break skin. Violent tremors shot through the smaller woman. Ari tried to pull her into an embrace, but Shayla stopped her with a hand to the shoulder.
“Oh God, Baby. I’m sorry.” Shayla wrenched out of Ari’s grasp and yanked the shower door open. A single act of will, could not undo month after month of aversion training. The euphoria of the high and of the moment evaporated. Shayla gagged and stumbled out of the shower. Throwing herself toward the toilet she retched, cursed, and retched more.
Ari was stunned for a moment, watching the consequences of their lovemaking, of their love, being violently expelled from Shayla’s body. “Sorry,” Shayla kept repeating through tears, banging her fist against the cold porcelain.
Leaving the shower enclosure, Ari grabbed a towel and gently placed it over Shayla’s exposed back. She then ran cold water over a face cloth, wrung it slightly and draped it over Shayla’s neck. “Can I help?” she asked fighting back tears.
“You are. Would you rub my back and get me some water?” Shayla managed a weak smile, “Not necessarily in that order.”
“Coming right up.” Ari filled the water glass by the sink, handed it Shayla, careful not to let their hands touch, then crouched down on her haunches, arms circled around her knees.
“What about my backrub?” Shayla said after rinsing her mouth. “Don’t be afraid. It won’t happen again. I started to come down too soon, that’s all.”
“Dear God, Shayles. Why didn’t you stop?” Ari reached over and put a tentative hand on the towel covered back.
“Pass me the mouthwash? Just reach right, on the vanity. Yeah, that’s it, you got it.” After swishing her mouth, Shayla continued, “I didn’t stop because I didn’t want to, Little Pipsqueak.” A wicked grin curled at the corners of her bruised mouth.
Ari grimaced and knelt down beside Shayla. “But I though you were, were…”
“Cured? That the word you lookin for?”
Ari nodded, uncertain.
“I thought so too.” She rinsed her mouth out again and stood, holding her hand out. “Until tonight. When you showed up at the door…I guess, I dunno. All day, between us—I didn’t want this to happen.”
Ari rocked back on the balls of her feet and stood up without taking Shayla’s hand. “We need clothing,” she said and left the room.
A few minutes later, a dull thump and the sound of wood cracking sent Shayla running into the hallway. She checked the apartment door as she called out for Ari. When there was no response, she hurried into her bedroom. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the darkened room. Ari was leaning with her back against the splintered closet door holding her right hand with her left, head tilted back, pressed into the top of a large depression. The unbuttoned waistband of her tight blue jeans sat around her hips and the material, even without light, showed a spreading dark stain over the side of her leg. The only sound in the room was Ari’s broken gasps drawn through clenched teeth, giving away the tears that streamed down the side of her face and disappeared into her wet, dishevelled hair.
Shayla went to the nightstand beside the bed and turned on a small lamp. Wordless, she took Ari’s left hand and carefully checked for any sign of broken bones. The knuckles were swollen and skinned in a few places but everything appeared intact. Breathing a small sigh of relief, she placed a gentle kiss on each knuckle, then lightly stroked the side of Ari’s, concern etched into her soft features. She then turned her attention to the massing stain on Ari’s jeans. With as much care as one would take unwrapping a priceless, delicate figurine, she eased Ari’s jeans over the abrasion and peeled the denim garment down the long tanned legs. From the marks on the jeans and the fresh bleeding, it was obvious, Ari had not been gentle when pulled the pants on—the raspberry rash was angry. She put her hand on Ari’s shoulder and guided her to lie down on the bed. From the tallboy dresser, she pulled a short nightshirt with a large “Peace” sign on the front and put it beside Ari before disappearing from the room to collect her first-aid kit.
When she returned, wearing her robe, Ari had donned the pyjamas. Neither woman spoke. Ari looked at the bottle of betadine and mound of gauze in Shayla hand, nodding her approval. Tucked under her arm, Shayla had brought a pile of towels, which she used to discretely drape Ari’s hip, slipping an old beach towel between her friend’s legs to catch the run-off.
Shayla sat on the edge of the bed and as she cleaned the sore, in a very quite voice she said, “Talk to me. Tell me what’s happened to you.”
Ari shook her head.
Reaching out to brush the hair from Ari’s face, the younger teen recoiled. The two sat in silence as Shayla continued her ministrations. The only indications that Ari was in pain was the sound of air being sucked through pursed lips and her fingers reflexively digging into the bedding. Ari began in a low whisper, “After you…after we…I was scared, didn’t want to be that way. At first, it was just to prove I’d be normal. I mean, I didn’t know, right? Only ever was with, with you. I mostly just fooled around, without…anyway. What was I left with? Guys liked my body and I could tolerate what they did if I didn’t think about it. Then our dirty little secret got out. Val’s a cow, but she wasn’t lying about me. But better a slut than a homo.
“Jeff was different, maybe because he knew so much. He was there for me. It didn’t make sense that I would sleep with guys I didn’t like, when I liked him so much. It wasn’t so bad with him…he…I…” Shayla grabbed Ari’s hand and wouldn’t let go. “I can’t, or don’t—you know—it takes a long time before I…until I can…get into it, get my head out of it and just let my body go. Then it’s okay, it’s good. I could be okay. I liked what he did to my body, how he felt, he cared, yanno? When we started going out, I stopped fooling around. I thought he could give me what I needed. But…” Her sentence trailed off.
Shayla’s green eyes held a measure of sadness as she regarded her friend. “Tell me the rest of it.”
Ari closed her eyes and squeezed Shayla’s hand, tight. After taking a few deep breaths she continued, “About three months ago I started early morning runs on the boardwalk. There’s this, this girl who runs there. I saw her a couple times, then we kinda both seemed to show up just about every day at daybreak. God, her body’s like perfect. She has a bum knee, but still, man, this chic is way outta my league. So anyway, we didn’t say much, but one day she comes up and smacks me on the shoulder as she’s going by and says, ‘Hey sweet light. Run with me.’ We start and it kinda turns into a race. So, I sprint ahead of her and she’s like laughing and grabbing at my shirt and shorts to pull me back. We keep doing this chase thing, back and forth, grabbing each other. I broke away and said, ‘race you to the pavilion.’ I beat her, but it just about killed me. We were just goofing around, right. I’d’ve asked her name, but I was too busy trying not to puke. I dunno, I was like, doubled over, holding my stomach and her hand’s on my shoulder. I stood up, trying to catch my breath and I don’t even now how it happened. I just looked into her eyes and it was like I forgot how to breathe. I wasn’t supposed to feel that way. Just a kiddie thing, mixed up teenage hormones, right? She brushed the side of my cheek with her hand. When she kissed me, it was like falling and soaring all at the same time, absolute fire and I didn’t ever want her to stop.
“She wanted to go somewhere and talk, ‘cause I got all freaked out, but I just ran home. I didn’t go back. It’s wrong, I know, but I can’t seem to stop. I get those dreams, you know the kind…” Her voice trailed off as face lit up with a deep red blush. “And daydreams too, I’d think about Jeff or some other guy and it would always change to a girl. So, I just kinda went…Well, on Yonge Street tonight, you met what I’ve been doing a lot of ever since. This is so fucked. I didn’t care what they did to me. Every no became yes, whether I wanted it to or not. Whatever they wanted, I’d do it. Didn’t matter how much it hurt, because that’s normal, right. Teach my stupid body to respond and when it didn’t, I made it. It was okay with Jeff. Why did she have to kiss me? Why did I want her to touch me, like you would touch me? All I did was look at her and I wanted her. It’s so fucking perverse. I hurt Jeff, and now I’ve wrecked everything between us.”
“Oh Baby, no. You haven’t wrecked anything.” Shayla finished dressing Ari’s leg and pulled the nightshirt over the bandages, balling the bloody, soiled towels and gauze together, tossing them into the corner. She climbed over Ari and nestled into the bed beside her, draping her arm loosely over Ari’s hip. She lay on her side, propped up on her elbow.
Ari’s body relaxed and she fell into the dead sleep of the exhausted. Shayla stroked the matted dark curls spread on the pillow beside her, murmuring, “What am I going to do with you, Arianna? I can’t live like this.” Ari stirred for a moment, but Shayla soothed her back to sleep, covering her with a light sheet. “Rest now, my little Pipsqueak.”
Shayla watched the time on the clock-radio flip past the hour, then past the hour again. The first rays of dawn’s grey morning spilled through the curtains. Ari stirred, sweat forming on her brow, and restless she pulled the sheet off her body. The nightshirt had bunched around her hips, revealing her tanned legs and a bandage spotted with blood. Shayla held her breath as she gazed at the delicate features of the woman asleep in her arms. She broke into a cold sweat. Easing away from Ari, she rolled off the bed, trying not to disturb the slumbering woman. Walking with purpose to the bathroom, she knelt down in front of the toilet and waited for the programmed inevitability to run its course. Checking the dosage on the box of Gravol, she shrugged and popped another pill. Before returning to bed, she sat in the living room and lit a joint, taking just enough to keep her detached. “Escape before avoidance,” she said to the empty room.
When she climbed back into bed, Ari awoke. “Hey Babycakes, you gonna be okay?”
“Yeah. Go back to sleep.”
“Shayles?”
“
Mmm, ” Shayla replied in a sleepy tone.
“Thank you.”
There was no reply, save the light rhythmic sounds as Shayla finally succumbed to the sandman’s touch.
When Shayla awoke, she was alone in her bed, but the apartment was filled with the distinct aroma of cooked bacon. Ari stood at the door, she’d donned Shayla’s terry-cloth robe and was holding a try laden with breakfast goodies.
“Good morning, oh bed-headed wonder.” Ari said with a shy smile. “Breakfast?”
“Hey you.” Shayla sat up in bed, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “Smells great.” She stretched and looked at the clock. “Don’t you mean lunch?”
“Civilised society says…it’s never too late for breakfast.”
“My stomach agrees. God I slept like a rock What’cha got there, Little Pea?”
Ari walked into the room and set the tray on the bed. “OJ, pancakes with warm maple syrup, bacon and strawberries. And yes, I tried to make coffee…but I think you ought not to drink it on an empty stomach. It’s a little, um, I didn’t quite figure out that whole percolator thing. Do you have a strainer or something?”
Shayla laughed as she watched the shadow of embarrassment stain Ari’s cheeks. “Oh, give me a break,” Ari said, handing the glass of juice to Shayla, then sitting down on the edge of the bed. “I washed and cut up the strawberries, what more do you want?”
“Arianna, you were born for domesticity.”
“Oh, as if! No way, man. I will be a woman of independent means and continue my errant ways, taking and discarding lovers as I choose, a poster child for debauchery. It’s not all bad, you know,” Ari said with a husky whisper and winked. She threw Shayla a sassy look, touched her index finger to her tongue then pressed it against her hip, making a, ‘tsss,’ sizzle sound.
“Yeah, uh-huh. Incorrigible, evil child.” Shayla said, rolling her eyes and shaking her head slightly.
“Besides, I listen to Helen Reddy.”
“And you explain the Barry Manilow thing—how exactly?” she tossed back, now sitting cross-legged and digging into the stack of food piled on her plate.
“Well…if you insist.” Ari went to the stereo and put on the album, nicking a strawberry from Shayla’s plate as she walked past. “Who can possibly resist this?” The first few notes of
Weekend In New England floated around the room, and Ari sang deliberately off key, reading the lyrics on the album sleeve. When a strawberry grazed the side of her head, she gave up the disharmonious accompaniment and said, “So, how did you score this pre-release, anyway? Wait don’t tell me let me guess. You got some filthy rich, middle-age banker guy at your fancy club trying to woo your cute jailbait ass. Romantic dinners, flowers,
luv songs… ” Ari looked over her shoulder. Instead of the easy smiles they’d exchanged, Shayla looked horrified, like she’d just been caught in the biggest lie of her life. “Shayles?” Ari said, her eyes narrowing into an accusative glare as she turned to face the tousle-haired redhead. “You’re seeing someone.”
Shayla didn’t reply. She set her fork down and took a deep breath.
Ari stood, ankles crossed, arms folded across her chest, a probative look on her face. “Oh, you sanctimonious little shit. Nothing like a little pot calling kettle black, eh? But I should’a known. I mean, nobody likes playing squash that much. No wonder you never pick up the phone when I call, even after…early…morning runs. So c’mon girlfriend, now’s not the time for secrets. Spill.”
Shayla slouched, lacing and running her fingers through her tangled hair. “It’s complicated,” she offered.
“Not rocket science, Shayles.” Ari said, lightening her tone. “Don’t be shy. You know you can tell me anything. I’m sorry I didn’t say something sooner. Should have, but I wasn’t sure how you’d react, and was afraid to tell you, uh, what sent me on that little bender. Now you know my little secret and I know yours,” she said with a wink.
“It’s not what you think.”
“What. No big deal. You’re dating some guy. So we both had a little, extracurricular activity. It’s okay…Look, how bad can it be?”
“It’s not that easy,” Shayla replied, bunching a fistful of hair at the back of her head.
“What’s so complicated? You’re not actually serious about this guy, I mean, how can you be—” A look of revelation etched its way onto Ari’s face. There was a bitter tone in her voice as she continued. “Don’t look so guilty, Shayles. You know it’s still there. You wanted, enjoyed it just as much as I did. Hidden under all that shit they piled into you, it’s still there, isn’t it? You want this…”
Ari untied the robe’s sash and let the garment slide off her shoulders, onto the floor. She was naked. Moving her hips, an alluring smile spread from her pouting mouth to her eyes. She watched Shayla’s gaze follow the long fingers winding their way between lean, tanned thighs, disappearing into trimmed, dark curls. She shuddered and eased her fingers out, tracing the wet tips in a spiralling circle around her breast, before descending again and repeating the tease, this time trailing her fingers along her collarbone. Crossing the room, she took a joint and matches from under a pile of napkins, and put the food tray on the floor. Climbing up on the bed she lit the joint, settled back on her heels, knees spread open and held the burning cocktail of escape between them in invitation.
Shayla continued to stare at the naked seductress on her bed. Ari again put her hand between her legs, this time sliding two fingers inside her body with a deep moan. “Take this, then I’m going to take you,” Ari whispered. Shayla tried to take the burning weed, but Ari held tight. Before turning the heater end around and putting it in her mouth, Ari brought her dripping fingers up and smeared them across her lips. Shayla, still sitting cross-legged, leaned forward and took the toke, alternately inhaling the intoxicant and kissing Ari.
Ari winced and pressed against Shayla’s shoulder, pushing the smaller woman away. Taking the roach from her mouth, she dropped it off the side of the bed onto one of the plates. “There’s one more. If you need it, I’ll stop. If you don’t want this, I’ll stop.”
Shayla nodded. “It can’t be like it was between us. Do you understand? The drugs’ll only do so much. I need…more. Don’t be afraid, you won’t really be hurting me.”
Ari’s eyes widened, then narrowed into an almost malicious slit, her lips curling into a smile. The heady blush of desire stained her face as she reached to cup Shayla’s face in her hand as if seeking one last word of permission. Shayla leaned back on the pillows, letting Ari’s fingers fall against her breast. Shayla closed her eyes as Ari gripped the material of the flimsy nightshirt she had changed into only hours before. The material disintegrated in Ari’s powerful hands revealing porcelain skin and was accompanied by a deep, “Yes. That’s it.”
Shayla looked at the woman whose body entwined with hers. Ari sighed, then nestled closer. “It’s good to be home,” she said as her eyelids began to close. “Promise you’ll never leave me again.”
“Babe, I gotta get up for a sec,” Shayla said. “Just stay here. I won’t be long.”
Shayla eased out of Ari’s grasp and sat up on the edge of the bed. Opening the nightstand drawer, she pulled out the box of Gravol and read the directions. ‘…One to two tablets every 8 hours. Maximum 5 tablets per day.’ She looked at the clock and did a quick count on her fingers and with an ‘oh well’ shrug, popped one more tablet out of the packet. She was about to take it when a hand gripped her arm.
“Shayles. That’s a lot. Do you have to?”
“What the fuck else am I supposed to do?” Shayla shot back. She wrenched out of Ari’s grip and stormed from the room. She went into the kitchen; opening and slamming closed cupboard doors. “Damn it, what a mess.” One frying pan was thick with congealed bacon fat, a pot with maple syrup slowly simmered under low heat; the flour container was open, pancake ingredients strewn haphazardly about, and juice from the cut strawberries stained the expensive marble counter top. The coffee percolator had bubbled over and dark splotches marred the polished steel appliance, bleeding out onto the hand-polished antique wooden table. She turned on the stove and jumped when Ari said, “I was going to clean up.”
Ari walked behind her. Arms snaking around the thin waist, Ari began to kiss the back of Shayla’s neck. “Come back to bed. We’ll deal with this later.”
Shayla leaned into the embrace for a moment, goosebumps exploding where Ari’s lips brushed against her skin. Fingers traced lightly over her abdomen and up to tease and excite her nipples, before the hand slid with maddening slowness down to the tight red curls between her legs. Shayla moaned when Ari said, “I could take you again. Right now. Like this.” Ari’s left hand massaged Shayla’s breast, then slipped higher to stroke her throat. Cupping the smaller woman’s chin with her fingers, she pulled her lover’s head back and held it against her shoulder while her other hand kneaded the slick mound between her fingers. “I can still taste you, feel you all over my body.” The sensuous voice breathed into Shayla’s ear, “It’s not the same, is it?”
Shayla reached back and snaked her fingers through Ari’s hair, arching into the questing touch. Hand laced with matted curls, she turned her face and drew Ari down into a deep kiss of want and need. Ari shifted and pressed her knee between Shayla’s legs, while the hand cupping the soft cheek scraped into porcelain skin, leaving red streaks down Shayla’s chest, before coming to rest on her hip. The motion elicited a sharp cry from Shayla and drove Ari to a higher plain of arousal; her touch became more demanding, as if Shayla’s surrender fuelled her desire. A sharp pull lifted Shayla up and into Ari’s thigh, so only her toes were left touching the ground. Ari broke their kiss and pressed her chest into Shayla’s back, spooning their bodies together, taking advantage of her longer legs to make Shayla ride against her.
Even as Shayla responded to Ari’s tease, her body saying yes, her words said, no. “Ari,” she said with a gasp, “we shouldn’t.”
Easing her leg back, Ari allowed Shayla to stand fully, but her hand kept up its tease. “Why?”
“Oh, Ari. I can’t think when you do that.”
Nudging Shayla’s legs farther apart, Ari alternately drummed then stroked the swollen clit she’d been teasing. “I know. I don’t want you to think.” She increased the rhythm.
Shayla’s body tightened, her legs squeezed together and began to tremble. “We…have…to talk…about…this,” Shayla stuttered her words, her hand tightening its grip.
Ari stopped what she was doing but held Shayla’s body tight to her own. “Can it wait, just a little while longer?” Her breathing was deep and ragged, every bit as taken by desire as the smaller woman.
A shaking head was the answer. Ari released her grasp and stepped back, crossing her arms over her breasts.
Shayla did not turn around. She fixed her gaze on the mess on the counter top. “We can’t do this anymore. It was a mis—”
“Don’t you dare say mistake,” Ari shouted. “Say anything you want, but don’t you fucking call this a mistake. And don’t even try to say you’re in love with him, because it’s bullshit and we both know it. You’ve done the same thing as me, except I went in alphabetical order through the phone book. One guy, fifty guys, it doesn’t make a difference.”
“Please don’t. This is hard enough. You’ve seen what happens to me.”
“It doesn’t happen with him?”
“No.”
“Is it as good?”
“No. Yes. It’s different. He doesn’t make me—”
“Sick.”
“Don’t put words in my mouth.”
“Why didn’t you drive home last night?”
“What?” Shayla said, finally turning around.
“You left your car by the park.”
Shayla put her hand on Ari’s shoulder, trying to close the void forming between them. “I needed to think.”
“About what?”
“I had to think.”
“What about? The way you reacted to me on the pier. About what I said to Jeff. Why didn’t you say something, before we…before you touched me? Why give me hope…and now I look at you, and I hear what you say, and you’re going to take it all away again. I was almost asleep, but thought you couldn’t be saying that. You couldn’t be saying, “I can’t live like this,’ and mean me. If you didn’t want it to happen, why’d you do it?” Ari’s voice raised, pitched with hurt and laced with anger.
Shayla didn’t answer. She just stood, tears sliding down her cheeks. The muscles in Ari’s jaw twitched a few times and her eyes seemed to darken.
“Ah, Jeezus, Shayles. Please don’t cry. I’m sorry. I don’t want you to cry.”
“Arianna. I can’t. Please can we just sit down? My head’s gonna explode soon.” Shayla’s face had gone pale, almost grey. Her eyes were sullen, and her expression was one of deep sadness. Ari sat down, elbows resting on the table, her hands laced through her hair.
Shayla opened a drawer and took out a prescription pill bottle. Setting it on the counter, she filled a couple of glasses with cold water. From where she sat, Ari could read the label. “Christ, Shayles. Trancs?”
“Welcome to the rest of my world,” Shayla said, popping one of the pills before wiping her cheeks and blowing her nose.
“Was that their solution, pump you full of chemicals so you’d stop feeling.”
“No, my doc gave me these when I got home. He said they’d help me relax. That’s what the Gravol’s for. These things kinda make me nauseous. Funny eh? To stop me from throwing up they give me something to clam me down that makes me want to throw up. Pot does the same thing, but it also sorta gives me
the itch. Damned no matter what I do. We need to sort this out, Arianna.”
“Your turn, Shayles. I’m so outta words.”
“Fair’nuff.” She looked at Ari and shivered. “Not that it’s made a whole lot of difference yet, but clothing?”
Ari cracked a smile. “Giving me a shot at wardrobe number four, Shayles?”
“Ah. Big on…Not-on-your-life.”
“Too bad. That last set was kinda fun.”
Shayla’s jaw dropped.
“Hey, I said I was outta words, not ideas. You’ve turned me.”
“Arianna, don’t. This isn’t easy for me either.”
They collected some clothing from Shayla’s wardrobe. T-shirts and track pants were the order of the day. Plain, dull, drab. Sunlight filtered through Venetian blinds in the living room and the two friends sat facing one another on the tan leather couch; Shayla cross legged on the deep cushions, Ari with her knees folded under her, one arm draped casually across the back of the couch. They had sat like this many times before.
Shayla told the story, much as Ari told hers the previous night. What was there, between them would never work; it couldn’t. Shayla didn’t dwell on the treatment program, just the obvious effects. They talked about the joint counselling sessions and the ‘mixed’ up emotions all teenagers face. As part of the ‘recovery’ process, forming strong emotional but non-sexual attachments, Shayla and Ari were to try and integrate their childhood friendship into a mature adult relationship. Understanding that attraction to a friend, especially as close as the two of them were, was normal, but unhealthy past a certain age. They could exist, but should never be acted on. It was a lapse, that’s all. Shayla spouted words like the monotone voiceover on a 8mm grade school science film: cold, empty, clinical. They were still friends, always would be friends, but they’d crossed a line; it wasn’t a question of want or need. Reality didn’t allow for what they had become. Ari sat, passively and listened.
When Shayla finished, Ari looked at her and said, “I don’t believe this. I don’t believe you. You toke and almost OD on Gravol just so you can sleep in the same bed next to me. What the fuck, Shayles. Doesn’t that tell you something? What does your body tell you when I say I want you? Do you feel that twist inside…the one that isn’t there when he touches you? One word, it can be like that all the time.”
“There’s nothing between us that isn’t friendship. There can’t be. I love you. You’re my best friend, and that’s where we begin and end. We won’t do this again.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s not the feelings, it’s not getting turned on that makes me ill. It’s that I’m ashamed I feel like that about you. Okay! Can’t you see that? To touch you I have to get doped up. I have to hurt myself. It’s not normal. I look at you and want you, and I am so ashamed of how you make me feel. And I’ve done it again, just like before. I made love to you because I wanted to. Exploited you weakness. I turned your no into yes. Letting those guys fuck you wasn’t the mistake. Letting me was.”
With each word, Ari’s body coiled. “Oh, enough of the psycho-babble. We had sex. We both wanted it to happen, all that’s talking at me are the drugs they pumped you full of when they fed you their religious bullshit.”
“No. They didn’t give me drugs to stop me from getting hot over women. They didn’t mention religion or God, or Hellfire and brimstone torment. I don’t get sick because I’m turned on. Fucking you in the shower last night was hot. This morning and now. Yes I wanted you, and loved what you did to my body.”
“Wait. I don’t get it. What the hell makes you sick?”
“Shame. That’s what they pounded into my head day after day. Being queer isn’t normal, and God-almighty, it isn’t. Look what’s happened. You wouldn’t be like this. God, Arianna, falling in love with your best friend is like the most natural thing in the world. Fucking her every chance you get isn’t. I robbed you of your innocence.”
“Shayles, God, that’s garbage, I’m not a kid.”
“NO. But you were.”
“Ya, and so were you. You know what. This isn’t getting us anywhere. You don’t want to be with me, and I don’t care anymore why. It doesn’t matter anyway. I’m leaving next week to go up North and work at a Junior Ranger’s forestry camp. When I get home, I’ll be packing up and heading out west to film school. I got late acceptance, and I’m gonna take it.”
Shayla sat in stunned silence.
“What?” Ari said with a bitter tone.
“Beach patrol, you’re on beach patrol this summer. Since we were kids, you wanted that. And what about grade 13, university and teaching?”
“Screw it. You only get one shot at Junior Rangers, and I’m seventeen. Now or never. And what the fuck do I need to waste another year in high school. What’s there for me? Nothing. And there’ll be nothing after university either. Word of our little indiscretion gets out and I’ll be toast. Why bother.”
Ari’s whole demeanour changed. It was like someone had flipped a switch and the vulnerable teen changed into a cold adult. “You gave me back something last night. I might be ashamed of what I do, what I like. But I’ll be damned if I’m gonna compound that filth with lies. I’m a pervert and should be ashamed of the way you make me feel. Fine, it worked, but I’m not going to live my life surrounded by middle class lies, and you shouldn’t either. Call me when you figure it out.”
“What?”
“Like I said last night. After my Mom made me smoke the whole pack of cigarillos—just a whiff, even of cigarettes, made me want to puke. By the way. My other little secret…I’m a smoker.” Ari stood and started to turn toward the hall, but froze in place, sniffing the air. “Holy crap,” she exclaimed looking toward the kitchen. Black smoke started to filter into the hallway.
“FIRE! Katlyn. The stove!” I screamed. “Christ, where’s the extinguisher?” I pushed away from the table as Shayla and Katlyn jumped away from the growing flames. The tea towel covering the biscuit tray caught and started to burn. The bacon pan was amassed with flame and black smoke.
“Arianna, NO!” Shayla screamed as I picked up the water jug from the table. “NO! It’s a grease fire.”
Too late. Even as I heard the words, my hands were already in motion. Like stop action, the water flew from the pitcher and hit the burning mess.
To be continued. ~~~
It seems that there was a lot coming at me these last few updates....like everything was kind of fast forwarding, rewinding, then fast forwarding again. I got a little dizzy but that is not your fault.
-- sorry guys. I'd planned to have everything finished by the end of September, but there's no way that's going to happen. I can't really focus to produce anything that resembles coherent thought. Pretty much it's work and sleep when I can get it (not much and not often). I will be pretty much absent from the board for a while. Sorry. It sucks rotten eggs, but such is life.
