Sex!

[chronic]

Writing a need-a-cold-shower-after-reading-it Porn Without Plot story, or a tender love scene for your fic? What's the difference between a sex scene and a love scene? What is and isn't appropriate for the kitten board? And how do you write a love scene if the whole thing makes you blush?

This thread is for questions and advice on anything regarding Willow and Tara's more intimate moments

[Trom DeGrey]

Awesome idea for a thread!!!

To add something else to it, if I may: How does one go about beta-ing scenes like this, especially if it's.... well.... bad?

[Sassette]

I'll second that this is a really good topic.

Sex scenes are absolutely the hardest thing for me to write - largely because of the blushing factor. I usually won't even read a sex scene ... I end up kind of skimming them and going "and then they had sex" in my head.

I am, in fact, working on a pwp right now, and was just wondering how/why I do this, as writing these things tends to be such a painful experience for me As I don't have masochistic tendencies, it must be because, from a sheer "craft" point of view, it's the most challenging.

So, as a blusher, here's how I write them: very, very slowly. When I'm on a roll, I can crank out ten pages of W/T sweetness in three hours. When I'm writing a sex scene, I drop to about a paragraph in three hours. If I'm totally committed to writing a sex scene, I just plain old take my time. I also giggle madly the whole way through - I've found that taking a moment to think something totally ridiculous, like "wow - bet my english teachers never imagined this is what I would do with my free education" helps make the fact that I'm writing a sex scene funny instead of embarrassing. The blush reaction is caused by self-consciousness, and channeling that into a sense of absurdity is something I've found helpful.

As for the difference between a sex scene and a love scene - that's a really good question. I'd say the difference lies in what W/T were doing before they got busy. Having a naughty daydream then tearing at each other's clothes? Sex scene. Crying on each other? Love scene. Basically, I'd say the difference lies in the build-up to the naughty bits and why they're jumping into bed with each other: horny, or emotionally connected? But this isn't an easy question, because having an emotionally connected moment as the prelude to the sex doesn't mean they're not totally hot for each other, and having a porn-inspired boinkfest doesn't mean they're not totally in love with each other.

Here's my question: who finds sex scenes easy to write, and why? I'm just wondering if maybe the writers who don't struggle with them have some special secret they'd like to share?

-Sass

[eletricblu]

Those are very good questions indeed. I totally agree that sex scenes are very difficult to do, for me also mostly because of the blushing factor. I've never actually finishing writing this kind of scene.

Sometimes I get inspired and start writing a good ol' PWP. Then in the middle of it I hesitate and reread. That's when I start pointing out to myself why I shouldn't write like this or like that. Then I get to the blushing and it's downhill from there.

Also, I have a major problem with the euphemisms. If I use euphemism I start thinking it's lame, if I don't it gets crude when I reread.

And I think the difference between love making and sex is all about the relationship. If the relationship is serious, with a good connection between the lovers, that subtle kind of understanding (which is how I picture W/T), then it's love making even if it's a quick romp on the kitchen table.

By the way, this cracked me up:

having an emotionally connected moment as the prelude to the sex doesn't mean they're not totally hot for each other, and having a porn-inspired boinkfest doesn't mean they're not totally in love with each other.

Can I use it on my sig?

Now questions of my own: What kind of euphemisms do you use on a sex scene? Or shouldn't you use them and why?

See ya!
eletricblu

[LtSticks]

Oh god, I always find writing sex scenes either really really hard (and I have to be drunk to write them, well...I used to have to lol) or really easy. It depends what mood I'm in (get the minds out of the gutters lol). I think it's easier when its a love scene rather than a total shagfest (tee hee), I'm big with the emotional side of relationships anyway so it feels more comfortable to write along those lines to get into it, so to speak. Not that I don't enjoy the sex scene writing, though like Sass, I tend to blush. A lot. I also tend to worry that it's gonna suck once I've posted it.

As for eupherisms...I'm actually all for them, because I'm so shy at writing NC17 stuff that I usually resort to them anyway. I'm hoping some Kittie writers can give some advice on how to overcome that and be able to use um...terms..correctly. Bugger I'm blushing again.

*runs away*

~Sticks

[The_Lord_J]

Word of warning: steer well clear of 'porn' words when writing smut. Nothing ruins the scene like a badly-placed crude word. I'm all for euphemisms

[FineyMcFine]

I agree that crude words can be out of place in sex scenes, depending on the context - if it's a sweet romantic sex scene then describing someone's "split wet beaver" would be jarring. I don't mind the word "pussy" at all, most of the time. Something I don't see much of that I have in some smutty drafts of mine are the real words - vagina, vulva, etc. We'll see if I retain the real words in the final draft. But euphemisms are good too and can make the sex very beautiful and lyrical.

ETA: oh yeah, I also think that with most things it's all about balance. If it's all euphemisms and reads like coded poetry then it can seem sort of not real to me when reading. I like a mix of words and terms depending on what's happening in the story and how they ended up having sex.

[Katharyn]

I definitely agree J and Sally.

I find myself having just posted a sex scene in my fic, though I wrote it over 2 years ago I had to review it so it's fresh in my mind. How it's written is pretty typical of most of my sex scenes.

Interestingly, or not, it 'fades out' after the 'main event' is inititiated. That's another part of it. Writing sex doesn't require a blow by blow description from starting to feel turned on to falling asleep. Indeed as a reader and a writer I'm much more interested in the process of arousal and winding down. ("Process of arousal" sounds too clinical - but I can't find a better way to say it!)

What I mean to say is you can have a sex scene in a fic without having to "show" much at all.

And when it comes to language I avoid porn, cliches as much as possible, and medical terminology. Admittedly that can leave a limited vocabulary and sometimes you just have to use words your not happy with. What I would say though is that I never use a word or term that the characters wouldn't think or say. In part that's probably down to the perspective I write from - always in one characters head, but not first person - so it's always how that character experiences things. However I think it's a good rule of thumb for anyone unless your style is highly technically descriptive in all your written scenes.

If you can't see/here/think of the girls using some word or other than don't use it.

And that example is great Sally, there's definitely not much place for "split, wet, beaver" as I see the girls.

I take the point about style though... If the balance of the scene - not the relationship just the scene - is slanted towards having sex, fucking or acting on lust/passion then that calls for another group of terms than a scene slanted to making love, comfort and intimacy. Yes, they're part of the same thing but honestly, it comes down to your characters emotions at the time for me.

Katharyn

[JustSkipIt]

Chronic,
What a great topic. I think most people would agree that I’ve written my share of sex scenes. I’d love to say that some have been PWP, but I’ve never been able to get there, at least according to my definition of PWP. While Please: The Series is very NC-17 in every single update, to me there is much more to that work. I use every update to work on developing the characters, their relationship, and my writing skill. In each update I pick one aspect of my writing that I want to challenge myself to improve. That was the fic in which I first attempted to use first person effectively and many more challenges.

I’ve also put NC-17 scenes very liberally through my other fics. When I first started writing, I found writing the NC-17 scenes to be very easy. It went fast and easy and turned me on (not necessarily physically although sometimes that too—I mean turned me on in terms of the writing and the experience). But after a while, it got, gasp!, boring. I mean I began to feel like, how many times can I write, “Willow slowly laved Tara’s nipple…” I started to challenge myself to only include one or at most two sex scenes in each fic and in those require that the sex scene use something new. Either a new aspect or a new act or something new. Otherwise, what was the point?

I’ve always been very detailed with my writing of sex scenes but I’ve started to really admire the technique of say, Watson or Hermitfish in the latest Relinquished Symmetry update. They seem to say so much with so little specific. It’s just romantic and wet and a little vague and very effective. I’ve been working toward incorporating a little more of that into my writing lately.

What is and isn't appropriate for the kitten board?

What’s appropriate? I try to have the girls act as they really would act or really could act. I think that we all have the potential to be real sexual dynamos and there’s no telling that the girls wouldn’t really get into some kink. But I think that it’s important to place their sexual relationship within the parameters of their romantic relationship. Would they potentially tie each other up or use discipline with each other? I don’t doubt it. But would they use humiliating language with each other? I just can’t picture that of them. I don’t think that words themselves are inappropriate but the context might be. Yes, the girls might say “cunt” or “fuck” or “pussy” but I just can’t buy that they ever call each other “slut” or “whore.” And as Sally said, where could “split, wet beaver” really fit into a KB fic?

If you’re unsure, get a beta to read what you’ve written. Or a friend. Or your wife. Anyone. Or… just post it and see what happens. If you don’t ever write it, nothing happens.

[umgaynow]

I guess I must be different...cuz I find writing sex/love scenes really easy...easier than writing the actual plot stuff...for one you don't have to worry if every touch anc caress and tweak and lick is germaine to the plot or whether it is going to have specific consequences later on or that you have to remember exactly what happened becasue you might need to refer back to it later so that you don't contradict yourself

As anyone who has read my stuff can attest, I write some scenes that are pretty high on the NC level...way beyond 17...but I try never to be vulgar or clinical...I don't use those locker room four letter words unless the situation calls for it...like they are suddenly talking dirty in bed...and when I do get overly decriptive it is because I want to convey as important to the relationship, just how thouroughly boinked they got...I also make an effort not to be repetitive...I have noticed in many fics that the same phrases get used over and over...I like to mix it up...also even in my raunchiest scenes I make sure that the love is still readily apparent and that our girls stay in character at all times and not just become two sweaty bodies...

Then again maybe my stuff is too graphic...what's your opinion? My feedback has always been good, but then again, if you didn't like it you wouldn't be reading it and leaving feedback...but, yeah...let me know...do I write too smutty?

Sandi

[Katharyn]

I guess I must be different...cuz I find writing sex/love scenes really easy...easier than writing the actual plot stuff...for one you don't have to worry if every touch anc caress and tweak and lick is germaine to the plot or whether it is going to have specific consequences later on or that you have to remember exactly what happened becasue you might need to refer back to it later so that you don't contradict yourself

I'd agree with this. I could rattle 5 to 10 thousand word love scene off much more easily than I could write a more serious part. But then I also find it very easy to write action scenes. I can see the motions in my head and just write them. Talky or thought based scenes require more effort and planning to achieve for me, they're less instinctive. In love scenes I try to write the action part first then redraft it to bring thought and emotion more to the fore after that.

I don't think Kittens will ever say that they think a part is too smutty! I think it's true to say though that you can actually see a drop off in feedback to a smutty part compared to others because readers get embarassed - especially if it's not a fic that features it a lot. I've certainly noticed it from time to time when I - rarely - do a love scene.

Katharyn

[The_Lord_J]

What I would say though is that I never use a word or term that the characters wouldn't think or say.

You hit the nail right on the head there, I think

[raspberryhat]

I think this is really difficult. I've started projects that have begun as PWP and then become something else. If you spend your time trying to craft plots and good stories then actually switching it off is quite difficult. So maybe you don't switch off. Maybe it's not PWP. It's Pw(very simple)P. Or some such.

Crafting any scene can get 'intricate'. I think you can get quite 'immune' and analytical about the whole thing. Which is interesting it itself. When a scene is really flowing though...you can get caught up. I find.

And having the right beta commenter really helps. Obviously some people are okay and some aren't.

I think language is difficult, but that generally the situation requires as careful consideration of language as any other type of writing. The wrong words will be very visible. The right words, rhythm and cadence will carry things on nicely.

I do agree, it's all an interesting area.

[binky]

I’ve never had a problem writing brief sexually suggestive or even graphic passages. Cut out after the disrobing, cut in during the afterglow, etc. No problem. It’s the sustained scenes from divestiture through the moaning and grinding of various parts through afterglow that I just cannot do well. I have an appallingly difficult time writing P-W/O-P (hm, that kinda has an interesting appearance as an acronym/symbol.) – smut just for the sake of titillating. After reflection, I think that’s exactly why. The sexy bits have to have a context with plot in order for me to feel comfortable writing them.

Also, mechanics-wise, because boinking is an action verb, I notice a lot of smutty writing suffers from being too “She verbed adverbly to adjective bodypart, then that, and this.” Repeat as necessary. Varying the tempo with something else, say, emotional context, can often help to soften that effect. Similar, actually, to fight scenes—at least I find.

As far as nomenclature, I have no problem with really dirty talk, aside from “Bitch” in the context of W/T. In fact, there are some euphemisms and phrases that are meant to be genteel that I find I cannot stand. First among those is “pulse point.” I really hate that phrase. I also have started disliking “center” (too Victorian for me, though ironically visually “centre” still works, have no idea why) or “juncture” though I prefer either to the guttural “crotch.”

b

[Naeryn]

Can I just point out...?

There's a HUGE difference between 'crude' and 'vulgar'. A lot of the time, where something vulgar ('split, wet beaver', perhaps?) would be, as someone already said, jarring, and ruin the moment...

But something crude, said by one of the girls rather than in the narrative, would be just... delightful.

I've actually written a lot of sex scenes, I just don't show most of them. I tend to get inspired, usually by some form of hentai, and go from there... but I can never fit them in anywhere, to any fic, be it one I've written, one I'm writing, or one I plan to write.

There's also a difference between 'fucking', 'having sex' and 'making love'. Not that all three can't be raunchy and hot, or that they can't be slow and tender. What changes it is the attitude. If you're just in it to get off, it's fucking. If you're in it to get off, get your partner off, and have fun while doing it, it's probably sex. If it's getting more into the deep emotional connection side of things... well, you get the picture.

One of my favorites is dirty talk. I avoid typical phrases like "I'm gonna make you come so hard" or the like - overused, overdone.

Peice of advice for people writing 'dirty talk' (or even using it in their daily lives!):
Avoid hard words. If they have sharp sounds, generally if they're significant words in whatever you're saying, avoid them. Remember when Oz left and Willow got drunk, and started babbling about how the word 'drunk' was a good Anglo-Saxon word? She was right - and try not to use too many words with that sort of sound. Take this sentence:
"I will make you scream with the force of the pleasure building inside of you."
...sounds a bit more melty than the other,
"I'm gonna make you come so hard."

Not that either of those sentences are particularly good, but I'm uninspired at the moment. I'll get back to you after I've gotten my daily romp.

[DaddyCatALSO]

One lazy way (in other words, I've used it!) to make something sound mroe romantic is to have the person saying the line do it in French...as long as it's short enough and sufficiently in-context so that thos eof us who don't read it (mae again) can know what is meant.

[JustSkipIt]

Ok, I've got a sex-writing peeve. I read this occasionally and I just can't really buy it. The thing is, and maybe it's just me but it seems like there are certain acts that you can kind of assume will be ok and certain others that you might want to ask about. Or maybe you don't really try them your first time with someone.

My peeve is when I'm reading a "first-time" type thing and suddenly the girls are doing some major kink or having anal sex without even asking. I mean, seriously, do people do that?

[Katharyn]

I know I didn't!

I agree with you Justskipit, you do need to keep things within the bounds of the character, at least in a multi-part story. If it's PWP and there's no other parts then maybe I can read it.

I suppose what this comes down to is the motivation for writing.

I've only once written 'kink' into a long running T/W fic and that was after years of them being together. My motivation? To give readers a 'bonus' - it was actually a request from someone else. I kind of regret it now, not because it was out of character, they were carried away with love and lust, but because it was out of character with the rest of the fic.

Okay, actually I did 'kink' twice. The other occasion was a funny scene, in a comedy fic. That one worked much better and fitted.

It's all about context, but I have to agree its hard to find a context in which a first time gets radically kinky and its still the girls (rather than just some people named T/W) Oh, it can be done, but its a lot harder to make believable than just writing the kink.

Katharyn

[Ice]

I think it depends entirely on the person writing the scene. Some people write from personal experience which I think is probably the easiest and most realistic (obviously) way to do it, but thats obviously not going to work if you're heavily into D/s and writing a canon fic. But with AU's its much easier to work in real aspects of personal experience.

If you're a little shy about the whole thing, and blush easily then writing some steamy loving is going to be a slow and difficult process and it often shows in the final fic.

As far as beta-ing sex scenes, I think you need to establish a good relationship between author and beta. Im currently beta-ing a fic thats heavy on the sex side, gotta admit its not a grouping that normally I would look twice at but its actually really good as the author is concerned about the feel and emotion of it. Yeah theres sex for sex's sake but he's also interested in what a woman would like and what feels good so because we can openly discuss things like that, then the fic benefits and it shows in the reviews.

[notl33t]

I think it could get interesting to write a little strange kink into a fic and then write about the aftermath. Does it bring the characters closer together? Shift them light years apart? I don't have any strange kinks, unfortunately, so writing it into a fic would be sort of like running a marathon without any shoes.

The problem I have with writing sex in general is that I get turned on while writing it and then am too aroused to write. I end up writing in bits and pieces, most of which I throw away. *sigh* But it sure is a great process.

[WillowsGirlXX]

The problem I have with writing sex in general is that I get turned on while writing it and then am too aroused to write. I end up writing in bits and pieces, most of which I throw away. *sigh* But it sure is a great process.

I have to admit this is my problem too, i've tried writing sex scenes but I get too aroused and have to keep pausing for a while. I am writing on for a story at the moment, I started it about a month ago and still not got that far with it.

I'll finish it one day I hope, at the moment its just sitting on my laptop sort of started.

Rachel

[willohand]

I enjoy writing sex scenes. But I need to have Tara and willow
making love. Making love for those two is something so
magical. But every now and very again a good sex scene is oh so
good. Especially when its Tara doing the taking of our Willow.
I try to write with their entire being involved as you all know from
growth. uhh yeah I know and soon.
Lovemaking is always on a different level or at least it should be.
So yes to sex scenes and even bigger YES to love making or their making love.

[Pinocchio1940]

I think it also could be that element represents the compassion these two have for each other regardless.

[JustSkipIt]

The problem I have with writing sex in general is that I get turned on while writing it and then am too aroused to write. I end up writing in bits and pieces, most of which I throw away. *

Lol. That is definitely a problem. I used to have it all the time but I've found that I can kind of determine my response to my writing. I can choose to be somewhat detached from the scene I'm writing and see it as just a process or I can be more emotionally and sexually involved in it. Generally, I choose to be detached while actually writing but I work it out in my head at a different time.

[Katharyn]

The problem I have with writing sex in general is that I get turned on while writing it and then am too aroused to write. I end up writing in bits and pieces, most of which I throw away. *sigh* But it sure is a great process.

Funnily enough this is probably why I have an easier time writing sex scenes... motivation to get to the end (or at least a convenient point to... 'take a break.') Seriously though I think one of the dangers in such a situation for me is to get carried away, but I do seem to have an internal censor that whispers to me that in fact it was very unlikely the girls did any such thing on the laundry room floor while the Gentlemen were chasing them LOL.

I think it could get interesting to write a little strange kink into a fic and then write about the aftermath. Does it bring the characters closer together? Shift them light years apart? I don't have any strange kinks, unfortunately, so writing it into a fic would be sort of like running a marathon without any shoes.

I certainly don't want to look like I am getting at notl33t for this though it is a quote from her/him, but it raises something I've been meaning to bring up somewhere for a while now. Not about the kinks but about writing from experience.

I guess this is something I don't understand - and I know there are lots of things people don't get about me - in that I've always considered that writing fiction is actually the process of creating situations you've never experienced (though of course some things a writer may have done.)

To look at my own fic for a moment. I've never been deaf, my hearing has never even been challenged for a few minutes. But I write a deaf character, and feel I do so reasonably well. I've never killed a vampire by various esoteric means, but I can write about it. I always considered that other writers must be able to do the same thing. Why can, for example, someone write about killing a vampire - which they never did - but not about having kinky sex (which they could have done even if they never did!)?

I've seen people say this many times over the years and every time I see the cliche "write what you know" I just cringe when they say that to first time writers. Most, if not all of my favourite authors in fanfic and published work certainly aren't "wrtiting what they know" - not even first time. Some of the most successful writers in the world certainly weren't.

When I consider this I often think about what Laurence Olivier is rumoured to have said to Dustin Hoffman on the set of Marathon Man. Hoffman was running around, trying to get sweaty and out of breath because that was the scene he was about to play. Very Method is Dustin. Then Olivier asks him why he's doing it, Hoffman explains. Olivier says to him something to the effect of "Why don't you just act dear boy?"

Both are great actors and both had very different methods. But writing what you know seems to me to be the "method" way of writing. Sometimes I just say to myself "why not just make it up in your head and put it on the page."

In my rationalisation I like to suspect whether the reluctance to write 'kink' for example is a question of lack of confidence/fear of getting it wrong when there might be people around who can contradict a writer? (No one is going to tell you you're killing a vampire wrong - but you never know who'll pop up and say 'actually, you wear the clamps THIS way.')

Don't get me wrong - I am very afraid to get things wrong and just to post fic is an act of supreme confidence compared to most people who think they can write but never show anyone - but I really am curious about this.

Personally I'd never let my own lack of experience stop the story going where it needs to go. Just because I never felt an emotion such as grief at the death of the person I loved wouldn't stop me letting a character experience it, even if I wouldn't do it as much justice as a writer who had. (Now I admit that perhaps the story doesn't need to go places I can't deal with properly but that's chicken and egg time!)

For sure 'what you know' is a good place to start writing it should probably flow more easily and involves less leg work or revision to clear up mistakes, but after that... I honestly don't get why people let themselves by limited by it. To take the kink example... it can be FUN!

As I said this is nothing about notl33t or anyone else - I'm just genuinely interested in it, both for Kink and in the wider world of writing. I actually think it's less of an issue in fanfiction than in writers who might have great novels in them but never step out of writing about the world they lived in. Great, if that's the story you want to tell, but why be afraid of stepping outside that box?

Someone clue me in?

Katharyn

[Hemiola]

Katharyn makes a good point about "writing what you know". After all, if authors were limited to their experience, we would not have the enormous body of (in many instances) high quality fantasy and science fiction works that many of us enjoy.

The same is also true of historical fiction. I am myself currently writing something set in the late Roman Empire. I can, however, say with confidence that I have never served in the Roman Army.

[The_Lord_J]

In my rationalisation I like to suspect whether the reluctance to write 'kink' for example is a question of lack of confidence/fear of getting it wrong when there might be people around who can contradict a writer? (No one is going to tell you you're killing a vampire wrong - but you never know who'll pop up and say 'actually, you wear the clamps THIS way.')

Surely that's why we have Betas?

Seriously though, a point well made.

Personally I'll write about whatever comes into my head and mix the two - stuff I know about and stuff I don't. If someone points out that it's wrong, it's all a learning experience to me. It's not like I'm publishing my fic, where everything needs to be perfect and well-researched.

Having said that, I do like to shove something into my fic that I do know a LOT about, so that I can at least have some point of reference to reality amidst all the clueless stumbling through the bits I ain't got a clue about.

I reckon potential embarrassment (sp?) of one's self goes a long way towards kink-reduction in fics around here. We're all blushing at the end of the day...

[DaddyCatALSO]

I think the real meaning of "write what you know" is that a 16-year-old Mehtodist honor student from Wet Duck, Arkansas shouldn't try to write about Hollywood or the MAfia for a first effort.
And also it means "get prepared;" writing about a physics major who doesn't knoew the difference between infra-red and ultra-violet doesn't work either. But, like most formulas, it doesn't work when applied too simplistically. (Let's face it, most of the items I've put up here would be disqualified by it!)

[JustSkipIt]

Well, I certainly hope that people don't read everything I've written (especially sexually) and think, "Boy. That Debra does really intense..." or that I'm a vampire and drink blood or any of the rest of it. It's fiction. And I don't think that you have to write from experience. So if you want to write some kink, do that.

But I also think that there's a difference between writing from inexperience and writing from ignorance. If you want to write about something, whether it's learning sign language, parenting, driving, or BDSM, do a little research. Find out about sign language: how long would it take to learn? What are the basics for communication? For parenting: how often and what should kids eat, etc. For BDSM: what are the commonly accepted "rules" or practices? What is a safeword?

To me the difference in writing kink without research and writing a fic about being a pilot without research is that someone couldn't read your fic and decide to go fly a plane and do that dangerously. But someone could definitely read a BDSM fic and decide that they want to "play" and do that quite dangerously (physically and emotionally).

So I think that it's fun and we can all branch out and write some of what we don't know but I also think that it's necessary to do at least enough research to not be writing something dangerous.

[FineyMcFine]

I agree with the premise that writers should do research; it makes a fic more believeable to read, and that keeps us in the story and doesn't shock us out of it.

I had Willow and Tara in a light bondage situation in a scene in UberSmut where they didn't have a safeword, but I think that was realistic for the story at that point. They didn't have any experience with BDSM and hadn't done a bunch of research in preparation for their activities, so I thought it was contextual that they wouldn't be 100% up on all the commonly accepted practices. To the contrary, it would have been weird if they had suddenly started having safewords and had whipped out a flogger and fleece-lined cuffs. I think if they had decided to make BDSM a frequent part of their relationship they would have researched more, but at that point it was what it was.

So I guess what I'm saying is that I get what you're saying with the whole "don't write something dangerous" angle, Debra, but while I haven't written much or any BDSM I think that the elements a writer chooses to include in their fan fiction should depend on a couple of things - first, the context in the story (because we're writing stories, not how-to guides), and second, a judgement call - both on the part of the writer and the readers. If someone is going to use a fan fiction story posted on the internet as inspiration for some sexual activity, they need to be responsible for their own safety before anyone else can be. Hope that makes sense.