Updates will be posted every Wednesday!
Title: Adrienne
Author: Naeryn, aka Megan
Feedback: Goddess, yes!
Distribution: Tell me where and give me credit. Other than that, fill your boots. *pauses to wonder where that phrase came from*
Rating: I'm going to use the videogame ratings, as they're a lot simpler and generic. This chapter is rated E, for everyone.
Notes: Don't worry. The updates will be longer after this.
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CHAPTER 1
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My Dearest Willow,
This seems like a feeble way to start this letter, but I must ask: how have you been? I hope you’re well. I hope you’re happy, with Oz, with all of your friends. Give them my love, would you please? Little Dawnie especially. I didn’t know her well, I didn’t know anyone well, but I miss them all, even so.
It pains me greatly to write this letter. It has been five years since the day you chose to be with Oz instead of me. To be frank, that hurt, more than I thought anything in this world could hurt. Yet, I have put it aside, worked through the injury and attempted to move on. I’m finding that part harder than anything else in my life, except, perhaps, when I left you behind. So many things have happened in my life since then, and, undoubtedly, in yours too.
My life was not easy after I left Sunnydale, brokenhearted and sick with longing for the woman I could never have. Do you remember our one night together, that blissful time we spent in each other’s arms? The love we made as one that night? You could not have been more beautiful. That blessed night, you made me feel beautiful, too. Do you ever think back on what could have come of the magic we built? I do, more often than you may currently realize.
There is no easy way to go into this part. It will hurt you, I know, but please, don’t put this letter down. Don’t walk away. If ever you felt anything for me, just keep reading. I warn you only to prepare you, this news… well, it will come as a shock, and I’ll do my best to soften the blow, but I’m afraid there’s not much I can do in the way of easing your mind about this.
Shortly after leaving, a surprise came upon me. Not an unpleasant one, though certainly one that would change my life forever, for better or worse. Thankfully, it’s been for the better. I learned that my sickness, the nausea I felt after waking up every morning without you by my side, wasn’t what I thought it was. It wasn’t the homesick longing for you that I thought it was, when I first started to feel it. I have now a four and a half year old daughter, Will. I didn’t think it was possible then, though I’d heard of such things. I knew the truth immediately; I’ve only ever been with you. She’s yours, Will. Ours. You have a daughter. If there was any doubt in my mind, it fled the moment the nurses laid her in my arms and she felt like you. I knew what I faced when I held her; that I would have to raise her, alone, without aid, and I have. And I wouldn’t give her up for anything in the world.
She’s got this soft auburn hair that’s so much like yours, just darker, and sparkling green eyes. She loves the sun; she’s absolutely covered in freckles. She’s precocious, too. Terribly curious, and she seems wise, and innocent, and weak, and so strong, all at the same time. Like you, I think. Her name’s Adrienne, Will. Adrienne Lily Rosenberg Maclay. I gave her your name, I hope you don’t mind. It felt… right, somehow, at the time. She’s a part of both of us, so how could it not be?
I know I should have told you long ago. I should have told you as soon as I found out, as soon as I knew that I would be having a child. As soon as I knew she was yours. I don’t think I ever doubted that I would have a daughter. You missed out on four years of her life, and that’s something precious that I can never give back to you, no matter how much I may wish that I could. I’m sorry, Will. I know it doesn’t change anything, but I am. I’m sorry that I took that away from you, I had no right. I’m sorry that I couldn’t stay; that I couldn’t be strong enough to be there for you. I’m sorry I made you miss so much of Adrienne’s life. I made a mistake in keeping her from you. Goddess knows I’m not perfect, and I hope you won’t hold it against her. It isn’t her fault.
My address is on the envelope. If you decide that you want to get to know your daughter, my door is open to you. Oz too, if he wishes to come. It will be hard, seeing you there, with your daughter, but that’s my own problem. I’ll work through it, and I won’t let that keep her from her mommy anymore. I pray you won’t make her pay for my mistakes.
I understand if you can’t forgive me for this. I’m not sure I can forgive me for it. Know that at the time, I was doing the only thing I knew to do, the only thing I could do. If I’d brought her back to you, back to Sunnydale, I would have begged you to take me back, Oz be damned. When you said that your heart belonged to him, I would have… I don’t know that I would have survived it. Not then. Now, I think I could. I think I could manage to force my way through it, and I can’t bear to see Adrienne and know that she’s less a parent because of my selfishness.
I’ve given up any right I ever had to ask anything of you, I know, but I want to know you again. At the very least, I want Adrienne to know you. I hope life has treated you well, I really do. I bear you no ill will for the choice you made; you did what your heart told you to do. I don’t hold anything against Oz either, and I hope you’ll make sure he knows that. If you and he have any children, I’d love to meet them. Maybe, some day. Take care of yourself.
Yours Always,
Tara
The paper, suddenly heavy with the tears that ran the ink, fluttered softly to the floor. Willow Rosenberg was at a loss. Five years ago, she’d made a decision. Parts of her wished things could have been different, but she wouldn’t have given up her time with Oz for anything.
Five years of not knowing whether Tara was alive or dead, whether she hated her, loved her, or just didn’t care anymore. Sobs wracked the redhead’s body. So much had happened in those long years.
A daughter? She’d always hoped for a child with Oz, but they’d never figured out a way to keep the werewolf from being passed on to the next generation. Now she had a daughter, a four and a half year old girl, beautiful like her mother… mothers? How was that even possible?
The slayer’s steady gait brought her up the stairs and into Willow’s room. Wordlessly, she sunk to her knees beside her friend and held her, wondering privately what had happened to make Willow suddenly in so much pain.
Willow broke down into Buffy’s arms, drowning in her tears. She didn’t know if she was furious with Tara, or mad with love for the woman, or resenting her for making this appearance when she’d finally accepted that she was gone.
She only really knew one thing. She had to see her daughter.
. I'll be watching this fic.
Love sam xx
are running through my little brain right now.... I can't wait for more!!!!!!!!!! I'm running off to reread it again...Thank you.
thing, but I couldn't figure out how to make the letter long enough without revealing too much all at once. Besides, I shall be truly evil in the next update...
