I've found all of my old poems. Here you go. I should warn you, most of these are dark.
EDIT for disclaimor.
Looking over these, some of them have a Christian message, i call myself a Christian Wiccan so that is always likely to happen. I just want you to know that i would never try to *convert* anyone, that's not the kind of person i am. I have friends that are Jewish, Jewish wicca, Pagan wicca (is pagan the word you'd use?) Sikh, Hindu, Muslim and there's probably some i've missed. Just as i follow my own beliefs, i respect all those that follow others. I just thought i'd say that.
---
I hadn’t heard from you in two days
Unusual, we were always talking
Then your friend came on yahoo
Her status telling your friends to talk to her
When she told me my blood ran cold
I could feel your scars burned deep into my own flesh
Wrists, thighs, ankles, up and down
I could feel the blood and I was short of breath
Then she told me how close you came
Two minutes
You hit rock bottom hard with a thump
What did you feel when you held the razor in your hand?
What did you think when you slit your flesh?
So many questions that remain unasked
Because I’ve been in the same situation
Rock bottom hurts like a bitch
I cried that night and the two that followed
I woke up on a wet pillow
When you came back online I don’t know what I felt
Anger, sadness, relief all mixed all one
When you cut yourself
It felt like you cut me too
---
Two minutes
One hundred and twenty short seconds
A student bites his pen in lesson, blissfully unaware
Until he sees crying at home
Two minutes
All it takes for a catastrophe to happen
The Twin Towers, war, Madrid
The thumb of a heartless soul
Sentencing hundreds, thousands, millions to death
And tenfold more to grief
Suffering is always around
Two minutes
People die, not through natural means
But through shrapnel, explosion
Bombs can rip through a train as you work out an equation in college
Over two hundred dead and only three found in one piece
Two minutes
Someone's world can end
Or change beyond recognition
Why?
What is the point?
People wail and moan as terrorists preach freedom
Freedom…brought with blood
Two minutes
One person, his body death to all near
The thumb of a heartless soul...
You could be reading a book on a plane
Then…pain
Black
Nothing
You no longer exist
Two minutes
What do we do? What can we do?
Trust a government who will sentence it's own men to death
As they "fight for peace"? The ultimate oxymoron!
The threat is unseen
Security? What a joke!
Two minutes
The world will change
People will die
One person causing the death of thousands
Chain reaction, irreversible
All in…two minutes
---
How easy it is to sow hate
Even when you don't know what you hate
Or even if you know by name
Not by nature.
How can you call something evil
When you only see face value?
Black, Asian, Pagan, Gay
Minorities.
Is there a reason for hate?
Has something touched your life?
Or is it because a minority is vulnerable
Unable to defend, one person against a mob.
You see a weakness
A chink in armour
Something that can be used
Abused.
Then you defile a person
Make him seem the cause of evil
Today's Hitler when you are more apt for the title
Fascist
Every day there are signs
Prejudice, discrimination
When you don't know the person
One, individual, different.
Is every person not a minority?
We are all different
Skin, Love, religon, why does this divide?
When we should be together, all kin.
God made us different
He also made us brothers and sisters
Under one name
Human.
Look under the skin and see
Ask your heart the truth
We were not made to hate
But to love.
---
This one is dedicated to those that help me live, you all know who you are.
There was a time
When darkness held my soul
In an iron grip
Unrelenting, merciless
No sun, no light
Just the search for a way out
I was saved, given another chance
My life is in debt
To He above
Now a fire burns inside
I'm too competitive to give up
I won't go without a fight
And now I look to the future
And I see a small light
A glow coming from people close
Making those who tried to break me
Seem far away, aflame
I'm unbreakable with those I love
Like a phoenix from the ashes
I have risen from the grave
From rock bottom
I have found new life
I have so many to thank
And I do so by living
---
This one is happier, you deserve a reward for putting up with my angst
I lived in a void
Unable to see
What life
Really held for me
We never understand
What God has in store
You receive pain
So you enjoy success more
Take the marathon
That’s how to see life
Not taken at a sprint
That will cause more strife
You are bound to feel pain
But you will always achieve
All it takes
Is for you to believe
We all have tests
Trials of the soul
And at times it seems
We’re stuck down a deep hole
But there’s always light
Help from the depths
There’s people that will love you always
Until separated by death
So don’t look at the bad
It’s just a way to get you down
Remember this
Any time you frown
Pain is only temporary
Wherever there is love
Cos love is a gift
From He who smiles from above
---
Why can’t I be happy?
Why can’t I be free?
Why can I never
Just be me
Wherever I go
I have to defend who I am
Whether it’s as a Christian
Or because I’m gay
People are narrow minded
It gets to me every day
The fact I am always on defence
It grinds me mentally
I have to be tough inside
Never show emotion
Never show weakness
Close myself to the world
I log into a chat room
“F’in hell…here’s the queer
Gents watch your rear”
Is what I’m greeted with
By ignorant fools
Some have never felt love
So what right do they have
To question me
I live through it
I have to
Too many people care
Or I wouldn’t be here
Rocks to lean on
To take away my fears
My friends around
Only with them I share my tears
---
The quote at the bottom belongs to William Blake. This guy was an amazing poet, if you don't normally read older pieces, i'd recomend reading some of his poetry.
I don’t have to prove my religion
To you
Only know that I believe
Now and always
Always and for ever
I leave you to your beliefs
Why can’t you do so for me?
Don’t preach to he who cannot be converted
For conversion is never true belief
Not born naturally
So none existent
A show
I could quote bible
I could say how I’ve been touched
How I nearly died
But I have no proof
Faith doesn’t need it
I am who I am
You might not like it
You just gotta live with it
As I do
"It is a blockhead that asks for proof on that he cannot perceive
And a fool that tries to make the blockhead belive"
(William Blake)
---
This one was wrote for a kitten i call "My Hermana" Love you sis
Baby don’t cry
Let me hold you tight
Water separates us
So don’t add to the divide
Though I can’t be there
Know that I always will be
For we are one
Inside
Brother and sister
We don’t need blood
Because we know
Always
It kills me when you’re upset
But I’d rather know
I want to share the pain
Make it go away
But I can’t
I don’t understand
So make me
Cos I love you sis
Always
Tell me what burns
Deep inside
Causing worry and grief
Allow me to say what I can
Then one day
Allow me to help in person
So I can be there
As I want to be
Always
---
Dark again, i swore to someone close to me that i would never cut myself, this addresses that issue.
Blood runs through my veins
And as I live with pain
I wonder
What it would be like, one cut
But I made a promise
I could never do that
Cos one leads to another
The blood and pain become addictive
Necessary
One wrong cut
And life ebbs away
Until you become a body
And so much blood on the floor
Nothing more
---
I can't be the only one who has gone through this
I sit
I smile
I put on my mask
Do I have a soul
When I can hide myself so well?
A careless word
Hurts deep within
But I just laugh it away
Mock pout
“Go in a huff”
A regular occurrence
The only indication comes
To those that look in my eye
No tears, but the pain is there
Nothing malicious
Just careless
They will never know
I goof off
Cos taking life seriously
Nearly killed me once
I act the clown and that’s how I am seen
Bottled up
Deep inside
Is the pain I try to hide
And few will ever know
What they have done to me
“All in fun”
Cos that’s how I present it
So it happens again
Accidentally
Behind my mask
Where few get to see
I feel the pain
On my own I cry it free
Cos I can’t be seen
To be weak mentally
And yet I am
I’m open in all
Except my pain
Cos it’s worse
To give ammunition
To show a chink in my armour
In my mask
---
Anyway, that is about every poem i've ever wrote, i hope you enjoyed them. Ok, so most of them are dark, but poetry helps to vent these feelings.
Chris
------------------
There can be no rainbow without rain, you cannot know true happiness until you know sadness first.
Edited by: robotguru at: 9/29/04 2:22 am