It's Turning Points Monday, MKF 12/09/02

[maudmac]

Happy Monday, folks.

I was thinking...about how my life changes in little ways every day. How every waking moment, I make decisions that will affect the rest of my life in ways I'll probably never even notice. How random events sometimes wander into my life...how they sometimes crash into my life...and how they change everything. How my life is changing right now, this very second.

Anyway, so I was wondering if y'all ever get to thinking about stuff like that. Can you point to a single event in your life that has altered its course more than any other event?

Maybe it was something that seemed insignificant at the time, like a random encounter. But that person you bumped into turned out to be the love of your life. Maybe you went left instead of right for no particular reason and your whole existence changed because of that decision.

Maybe you knew immediately and without a doubt that you were at a turning point. Maybe you only realized it in hindsight.

Maybe it was sudden. Or maybe you had seen it coming for decades.

I guess the one thing I can point to that's changed the direction of my life more than any other event would be a car accident I had when I was 18. It put many a swirl in the line from point A to point B that I had assumed I would be travelling. I could wax philosophical about it, but the bottom line is that it changed my life forever and that wasn't entirely a bad thing. I'm here now, who I am now, because that happened. I wouldn't trade that for anything.

Doesn't mean I don't wonder how my life would be if things had been different, though.

I try not to analyze it to death. I fail.

Hope everyone has a great day today and a happy week. Take care of yourselves.

[cassiopeia191]

I think this event might have been my sophomore year...for a reason I could not consciously conceive, I changed so much and gained a lot of well-needed confidence: I felt at ease with myself and therefore was able to get a very different perspective on things.

Another event like this happened a few months ago after I came back from a year that I had spent in the US, when I was at a party and got really depressed. My friend (or ex-friend?) made me step outside and tell her what was wrong...well, I obliged and we had a good talk and I told her some very private things. Great. Well, she told this other friend of ours immediately what I had said...to save her honour, she told me right after it that she had done this and was convinced that it had been the right thing.

Then next day I told her that I didn't want her or anyone for that matter to treat me and my trust in this way...after this, our friendship and the relationship with our mutual friends hasn't quite been the same and evrything changed. For some reason, this was a positive development because it made me realize what I wanted and what was important to me and I got to hang out with new people who have turned out to be true friends. And the real friends, those who matter, are still her with me.

I'll stop my rambling. Have a great day, kittens.

[samiamiguess]

Ooh, this is an interesting one and a subject I ponder a great deal. (Add it to the list..)

For me its a simple decision it was the implications that, as usual, make me worry incessantly and the consequences to others.

At 16 I had gotten myself into a place where I couldn't see any escape, hope or future that would warrant me trying. I wouldn't dare bore you with the details and I know I'll sound like I was selfish teenager but what can I say, I was probably being a selfish teenager. But suffice to say it was a dark place without much light. Anyhoo for some reason, which I haven't to this day pinpointed accurately, I stopped what I was doing, bandaged myself up physically and mentally and left my house. I never stayed there again.

I'm now 28 but it was without doubt the most liberating thing that I could have done. This isn't meant to be depressing by any means so I do apologise (believe me? Good good.) My point is that I now attempt to love as much as I can, give as much as I can and attempt to be what I can. And because of that decision I'm able to.

Hmm, I sound rather dark and deep. I'm not. Believe me, the introduction to beer was high on my list.

Happy monday all,
Sonya

[WebWarlock]

Strange but I think about this kinda stuff all the time.

So back in the halicyon days of 1987, I had a choice, pretty much an equal one should I go south to Southern Illinois University for college or north to University of Illinois? Obviously, UofI was a more prestigous school than SIU which at the time was known as the 17th biggest party school in the nation. UofI required a commitment though to academics I knew I was not quite ready to make, plus there was a cost difference. So I choose SIU. I thought, hey, all that matters is where I go to grad school.

Well my first week at SIU I met a girl there that ended up, 7.5 years later, becoming my wife. One of the most profound descions in my life. Not only for the obvious, but my choice in schools has made me the person I am today, and I like that.

I did finally go to UofI for grad school and I am glad I didn't go there as an undergrad!

Other big choices in my life have been no brainers. Get married, have kids, buy a house. Yup I sold out to suburban dream a long time ago.

Warlock

[cesario21]

Hmmm, interesting subject! Happy Monday Kittens!

Probably my biggest turning point was when I made the decision to study at University of South Florida while at Uni in the UK. There was an exchange programme during the first semester of my second year, and for some reason I just KNEW I had to do it. So I did...I had never flown before, I had only left England twice to go to Holland and France, and I had never been away from my family for so long (the exchange was for 4 and a half months). Plus, I was starting to realise what my sexual orientation was meant to be. So off I went, had the most amazing time of my life, discovered Xena:Warrior Princess which led me to the web, and eventually brought me to my realisation that I was and still am gay.

I felt renewed as a person, after so many years of self-doubt and chronic lack of confidence. As I was studying drama, (something I always had a passion for simply as a means to escape and explore my own character,) finally being true to myself gave me the confidence to do things I never thought I could: stand-up comedy, epic plays, dance, storytelling, and simply getting up in front of people and being myself.

So that was for me, probably the most important thing I have ever done. Sorry to be a bit long winded!

On a side note, a big turning point came this weekend...I finally told my best friend that I feel more for her than a friendship...something had happened which kinda forced the issue, so I was honest and told her, and also made it clear that I was in no way going to get between her and her girlfriend. We exchanged e-mails and sorted everything out...then she called me yesterday morning, saying she had something else to tell me that she couldn't do via email, as her gf was looking over her shoulder...she told me that 'the feeling is mutual...' Oh. My. God. We feel such a strong bond and friendship, and a deep, adibing affection for each other, that even if nothing happens, we will always be close. She's not happy with her gf, but wants to sort things out first...I told her that I will be the friend she needs me to be for as long as she wants...simply a friend. But I think something big is going to happen...and I think it will change my life...

Right, that's it, i promise!

Snuggles, love and peace to all Kittens!
Pillows xxx

[neta]

I think that the turning point for me in my life was when I finally accepted my sexuality. I kinda thought that I might be gay but I wasn't sure. Then I read Self Matters by Dr. Phil and when thinking about my authentic self I knew for sure that I was. Since then alot has changed and I know that the decisions that I normally would have made are not the same as the ones I made now. My life is taking a diffrent path than what I was on.

[Still Waters Run Deep]

Phew! good thread.

Turning points... well my life has been more a case of Chaos Theory. Having had several more years 'under my belt' than the average Kitten I can look back and with hindsight, realise that I cannot make head nor tail of how my life has progressed.

Right from the start I was a daydreamer, a drifter, happy to go where the winds of fortune and life blew me. Little changed through my teens.. my nickname was 'Man-alive' because of my placid, almost sonambulent nature. I was so laid back I was horizontal.
Teen years changed to my twenties and the first serious choice in my life was forced upon me...get away from a relationship that was doomed and was also tearing us both apart. Have you ever had the feeling of missing someone all day, every day, but within an hour of seeing them again, you just HAVE to get away, for your sanity, and their safety?

So at the age of 29 I went to University. At last I was more focused. It was the best move I ever made. That's not to say that, looking back there are'nt unexplained [and unwarranted] turns which were of the two steps forward one back variety.
And now, well I have settled down to middle-youth and comfort, with but 2 mantras to try and control my life:

*Take the money, spend the money, enjoy the money*
*Women in my life are more important than women in my bed*

Apart from that, I am still totally unfocused, still too laid back, still dreaming.

edited: Eek! It sounds miserable, but I can assure you it isn't. Looking back and going "what if" *can* be soul destroying, so dont do it apart from using it as a reference point to avoid making the same mistake more than once, although we all do, myself well and truly included.

[Puff]

Mine would be the same as Neta's I know it definetly changed the path I was on onto something much better. I'm a more confident and happier person because of it and I'll always be thankful for the board and many kittens here who helped me through it.

Interesting daily thread and the replies are really fascinating too read

[SlayerSydney]

Turning Points...wow...there have been a few that I have often wondered about.....
If I had chosen another college and not met the people who formed my young adult life...what would I be like now?
If I had stayed at home after graduating and saved some money and not followed my heart...where would I be now?
If I had not finally accepted my sexuality and continued denying my true self for the sake of everyone else...how would my life be now?
I think those are three major turning points in my life. Everything would be different.

Still Waters Run Deep:
[quote:e419e427f1]Quote:

---

Have you ever had the feeling of missing someone all day, every day, but within an hour of seeing them again, you just HAVE to get away, for your sanity, and their safety?

---

[/quote:e419e427f1]

LMFAO! I thought it was just me.

---

"I can try to pretend, I can try to forget. But it's driving me mad, going out of my head."-----"All the things she said" by Tatu. Sums up my feelings on this blasted song!!! It keeps "Running through my head, Running through my head"

[helpful information perha]

is 750k per ep enough to turn smg back to buffy?

www.teentelevision.com/d....0&cat=1028
Gellar Offered Big Bucks to stay "Buffy"
December 8, 2002
Sarah Michelle Gellar is being offered a lucrative deal to stay on as Buffy The Vampire Slayer- despite her intention to quit the hit TV show.
The 25-year-old actress is set to ditch the long-running series in favor of a Hollywood film career when her seven-year contract runs out at the end of the present series.
However, Buffy bosses hope to lure Gellar back with a deal which would pay her $750,000 per-episode, allowing the hot blonde to make guest appearances.

[tommo]

Well, woo, I finally got caught up on my sleep today. It's sometimes really gratifying to spend half a day in bed when you haven't slept for 48 hours, heh. I had a wonderful weekend and thoroughly enjoyed myself. It's amazing when you see your own city through someone else's eyes. And hey, it's always amazing when the one night you decide to go out, you see a bunch of friends. Heh. Talk about trying to make myself look popular...

So anyway, turning points. Hm. That's such an interesting question you've brought up, Holley. I like to term my essential turning points as "sea changes". There's a whole theory and explanation behind sea changes that I love, as it links to a whole cleansing notion that really helps me to move on, both literally and metaphorically.

It's been a hell of a year. I won't be sorry to see the back of 2002. But you know, in terms of going through a sea change, I believe that I had one only a few months ago. There gets to be a point in your life, I think, when you take stock of what you have, and where you're going, and also where you're coming from. Sometimes the best view of something is the one you get from the rear window as you're waving it goodbye, heh heh. Doesn't mean that the road ahead isn't scary, but god, I'm having a pretty great ride right now.

I have good friends, you know? I realised some time ago that I probably have the best friends in the world. I think that for quite a long while, I took them for granted and I'm really pleased that in some way, I've gone through my sea change and seen these wonderful people for just who they are. And it's true what they say, it's only when you're going through tough times that you realise the good friends won't run away. Those that do, and hey, did, I have to say, are no longer friends of mine. That feels pretty good.

So yeah. 2002 will be the year of badness, but ultimately, it will be the year of greatness. Because the things that have happened in the last two months have outweighed the crap that happened in the last ten. Heh.

There you have it. And now I'm going to take a break from my very long ramble and go and have some chips and dips. Because you know, that's a really nutritious meal. Hee.

[Rosenberg]

So yeah. 2002 will be the year of badness, but ultimately, it will be the year of greatness.

The entire year of 2002 has been one big turning point for me. Now that its nearing its conclusion (yay), I will be very happy to see it in the rear view mirror. The last few weeks though, seem to have finally headed the direction of the wheel from its lowest point slowly back towards the top. There might even be a glimmer of light at the end of this long, dark, ugly tunnel. I certainly hope that youre right, Ruth, about 2002 ultimately being the year of greatness. Maybe it retrospect, it will turn out to be so. I do know that youre right regarding what you said about friends. I dont think I would have gotten through any of my turning points without them.

[Zippy]

The first major turning point in my life was when I found out that my Aunty was gay, I was 15 at the time and trying to work out who I was. Id known that I liked girls from an early age, but after talking to my dad about my aunty I realised that I didnt just like girls or enjoy their company I was attracted to them.

The next was a combination of going to university, dropping out of university & enrolling at a different university all in the space of a month. It has certainly altered my life. If I hadnt had the guts to admit that I wasnt going to cut it as a doctor so soon after my course started I would have probably plodded on, completed the degree & then never worked as a doc. Because I made the decision to leave early I enrolled on a microbiology course and now work in food micro, which I love.

The last major turning point in my life was New Year 2002, It was around this time that I ended my longest ever relationship. To cut a long and boring story short, my ex was very controlling and manipulative. I ended up losing a lot of friends because of her. I look back at how I treated my former friends I can honestly say I am ashamed of myself. The turning point came as I was sat at a new years eve party at her friends house not knowing anyone and being ignored by everyone I tried to make conversation with. Then the fact I was being used and controlled in the name of love hit me like a sledgehammer. I ended the relationship a few days later and have spent the last year getting my life back together. I have managed to make up with some of my friends, hell Ive even made new ones, and Ive bought a house & even adopted two stray kittens. Life is good again.

[JulesP600]

I think this year has been full of major turning points for me.

It started really at the beginning of the year when I found my two new bestest of friends.

In June I moved to a new house in a new area......that has been wonderful.

A few months ago I finally admitted to my family and friends that I like both boys and girls......not as much of a shock to some as I had imagined! They know me better than I thought.

A couple of months ago I had a very intense relationship with an old friend who showed me incredible love but unfortunately was very sick and died. There is a very big lesson of love in there though, she taught me a lot about who I am.

So all in all it has been a very hectic year with some major things happening! I just want 2003 to be a little quieter while I adjust to all these new things.......

[La]

wow, what a great thread.

I think the two biggest turning points in my life were getting together with my last boyfriend, and breaking up with him. I always say that the two most important events in my life were those two things. Before we got together I had been seriously depressed and attempted suicide, but once we got together, he helped me to see the better parts of life and of myself. He and I got together between my junior and senior years of high school. All of my friends agreed that I changed a lot in my last year at high school. And senior year was definitely the best year of high school. But then when he and I broke up my sophomore year of college, I realized that my whole future was completely blank and open and free and I could do whatever I wanted (including finally accepting that I was gay, hehe) and I have done that. I've travelled all over and ended up studying religion which was definitely not in my plans for the future. And Jim and I are still really good friends, which just makes the whole thing that much better

[Tulipp]

This is a very interesting thread.

Let's see...I can think of two turning points for me....

1. I listened to a headache. I had taken my first full-time job out of college, and on Day 1, I wore new professional clothes and went to the fancy building and was ready to be a Good Employee....and as soon as I got there, this headache started to grow...by the time I got home, it had flattened me. So I called in and quit. And that decision resulted in applying to grad schools and moving to Philadelphia and meeting someone wonderful and giving myself pemission to read books all day for a living.

2. I broke some things. I went through this phase where I was breaking everything in sight....cups, mirrors, frames, bowls, you name it. Like one a day or more. For weeks. And the turning point was realizing that I was seriously stressed out and taking some time off to strip the woodwork in my house and clear my mind and think about what I wanted. And from that decision...well...everything in my life improved. Just everything.

[Patches]

Interesting topic.

A girl changed my life. After graduating from university and accumulating a score of zero in the job hunt game, I went back to the place I spent most of my time (and money), the grad student lounge (restaurant/bar) at my old school, begging for work. They hired me. Hundreds of people came into the lounge daily, but this one day in walks a girl and my life hasn't been the same since. I didn't see her or 'it' coming.

She was nice, hung around and chatted with the poor kitchen slave. After a while, I noticed she'd come in at specific times during the week. I started to look forward to seeing her, then I stared to miss her on days she didn't come in and after a few months I realized I had a _huge_ crush on her. I was shocked, I was too old to have crushes on girls (okay, women by this point), I was supposed to have 'outgrown' this, but the fact was I was 30 and she made my knees weak.

I'd spent 17 years fighting the fact that I was gay, but now there was no denying it (the whole gay=evil business had been drilled into my head from the time I was 13; a girl wasn't "normal" unless she was with a guy). I told my boyfriend - my first and only - of 5 years that I wasn't happy and that we were going different places in life (the truth - or at least the partial truth) and down the road to *cough*hell*cough* I gleefully trod.

I didn't quite get the cinderella ending I'd hoped for - I didn't get the girl I came out for, but a year and a half later I did meet my honey and we've been together since - over eight years of delightful deliquency ... trod, trod, trod, trod ...

[pagnmickie]

I'd have to say a major turning point in my life is when I met the love of my life... it's been a wonderful 11 years since then!

But another BIG turning point was when I found out about paganism. It's odd... how you can be brought up your whole life on a religion like christianity... and then you see this one thing... that makes SO much sense... heh kinda like realizing I was a lesbian... and you NEVER look back!

CHEERS! Here's to NOT looking back!

-Michelle

[friskylez]

Hmm fascinating topic..I think my turning point was 1991 when i went to jail for a DUI, i havent had a drink since, with the exception of a minor slip a couple of months ago..

If i had not quit drinking when i did, i would be dead or in jail for good, i have no doubt in my mind..

The minor slip even served a purpose, i always thought that if i slipped, i would never forgive myself and just start full scale drinking again, i didnt and thats a very good thing..

Ive learned alot about myself, what i can and cant handle, what i can and cannot control and have tried to take what happens thats out of my control with a grain of salt..

I forget sometimes that i cant control what other people think, what they feel, how they react and as long as i remember that ill survive..

This isnt the life i planned on, i wanted to be a screenplay writer, i wanted to grow old with a woman i love, i wanted to buy a house and settle down...

But i know everything that has happened to me,the direction my life took, the people who came into my life, happened for a reason..Ive lived, loved and learned..Sometimes thats all you can ask for..

This isnt the life i planned on..Life is what happened while waiting for my ship to come in..

[darkmagicwillow]

My turning point was about five years ago when my body told me that I wasn't going to be spending all day on a computer any longer. It took me most of that five years fighting it before I finally listened to it this year and left my job, and I don't know precisely where I'm going from here. It's given me time to travel and write (using voice recognition) which has been great, but I hate not following my plan and giving up an occupation I loved.

I think I finally figured out that I don't have to follow the plan, and I don't have to do what I'm supposed to do, but it's been a hard lesson and 2002 has been a year from Hell for me too. I'm hoping 2003 is better...

[ruby]

Fabulous topic. I think the biggest changes in my life have happened when I followed my desires, even when it scared me shitless. Need to listen to that voice more often, instead of the "I should"s.

It sounds like such a cliche, but it's true.

[Taz]

I moved to Utah instead of Arizona. I met my girl there its been 98% bliss since then. Of course, I wouldn't change a thing orI might not have met her.

[FlereImsaho]

This question makes you think, and it's Monday which helps explains why it took me so long!

Biggest event: broken handle for the driver's side window of my '67 Mustang. Consequently I could not use the bank's drive-up teller - which led to going inside to cash a check - which led to meeting a cute teller - which led to a date - then more dates - then years together - children! - raising children - children going to college... There doesn't seem to be any end to this.

[xita]

That's a tough question, Holley.

I guess a turning point for me would be coming to the united states at the age of 11. Right around the beginning of puberty. I came into my sexuality at 12 and I have often wondered what it would have been like if I had remained in my country that is way more repressed about Homosexuality. Maybe i'd be unhappily married, or dead, or deep in some underground. It wasn't easy here , especially as a teenager, but now I have the freedom I need to be who I am.

[BytrSuite]

Ooh, neat topic!

I tried to think of something, I don't know. In hindsight some things that certainly affected my path were being in certain classes in high school (they helped me be a bit truer to myself) and my grandmother's illness and death. Just a couple of things that have had a significant impact on me and the way things turned out.

If I changed things I'd most likely be someone different and in a different place in my life. I like who I am (the laziness, oh, I could do without that). And I might not be here with you lovely people. So, you know, I'm good for now.

When I'm not analyzing to death all the little things that could have been different. Thanks a freaking LOT Holley!

[The Shadowcat]

Hmm, turning points. There are three that really stand out to me.

First, was my fight for my own mental health. I've always suffered from anxiety and depression, but my last year of high school was especially intense. My mother almost died from pneumonia, my father had a hernia, and I finally realized that all the times I thought women were "so cool" were actually crushes. For months, I fought myself, my parents, and my friends until I finally got myself the help I needed to process everything. It taught me that I have a will to survive, and am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I fight for what I need.

Second, was accepting that I do indeed like girls, and have no interest in men, beyond a mild appreciation of them astheically. (Who doesn't swoon for Legolas?) I lived through my parents finding out, which is saying something. During that time, I discovered my inner strength. I never even dreamed that I had so much.

Third, I realized that so many things I had taken for granted in my life were not quite "normal". I don't know too many girls who used to pretend their Barbie was a G.I. Joe, or lusted after Transformers. When I was about 13, I taught myself "manners", and used to envision myself in a tux, opening doors for beautiful women. Oh yeah, nothing odd there. I slowly started to string a long, long line of clues together, and found that I fit into a whole new, scary category of transsexual. I suppose if I ever get through this journey, I'll have a few more of those turning points under my belt. I welcome them. They always remind me that I'm a lot stronger than I thought, and that I can do just about anything.

I think this is the first inspiring thread I've read about people's personal lives. Amazing. O.o

[Dave V]

Great question; sorry for the late answer. Two turning points come to mind.

Firstly, in the 80's I entered the Roman Catholic seminary, fully intending to become a priest. However, I had questions about my faith and myself that got answered. So, I left the seminary and became an agnostic. This led to all sorts of nice things, such as meeting the woman whom I eventually married, buying a house and settling down.

Secondly, I changed careers. After the sem I went to law school and had a mostly Legal Aid practice (read: kind of like a public defender for you U.S. types) that lasted for 9 years. The money pit of the office and the constant stress made me decide to leave 2 years ago. I started out on the bottom rung at a large ISP (hellloooo internet helpdesk) and now I help maintain a large database for them.

Change is sometimes a good thing.

[Geek]

Well its strange that this thread arrived when it did, coz just last night was a turning point of sorts..

This year I broke up a seven year long relationship, came out to my friends, was then outed to my parents by my ex-boyfriends mother and then to top off this week.. last night I was first on the scene of a very bad accident where I luckily had the presence of mind to administer CPR. 2 of the 4 kids involved survived, but I did what I could, so I'm proud of that.
I think my friends are the best in the world, without them I'd be nothing.

Jo

[samiamiguess]

Geek, from what you've said I'd say you were hardly nothing. But good friends are so special.

[mscheckmate]

Turning point? OK. Long story.

A temporary knee injury to a a choir accompanist I worked with set off a series of events that eventually resulted in my meeting my gf. When that pianist went on the disabled list, her replacement, a lesbian, instantly captivated a married woman in the soprano section. The replacement pianist had a lesbian friend who gave her the key to her condominium, so that the soprano and the pianist could have a little privacy while they were getting to know each other better. (In the Biblical sense, of course.) It must have worked, because the soprano divorced her husband and moved in with the pianist. And in the meantime, the lesbian pianist and I got to know each other in the non-Biblical sense, and soon realized that we were both serious baseball fans.

A year or so later, the soprano and the pianist invited the woman who had loaned them her condo, along with another friend, to a baseball game. The other friend bailed out at the last minute. So the pianist and the soprano invited me to the game, and sat me next to the woman who had so graciously shared her condo with them.

On January 1, "condo-woman" and I will be celebrating our fifth anniversary.