Paths Diverged/Divulged

[Velaingie]

Hello,



The last update was just... I'm just speechless. I...I, the description of the paintings were just yawza.



Velaingie

[JustSkipIt]

TemperedCynic - Wow, 10 hugged people. I’m glad to be spreading the love around your world and hope the recipients appreciate it. So I amazed you! That’s wonderful. I’m glad that it came off well. Yes, I was trying to display Willow’s emotion while also allowing the reader to have their own. Sounds like it worked.



Diana - Wow, I reset a scale. Most coolness. Ha ha about going to the wrong exhibits. That’s a cool thought although the second set of art work: pretty harsh.



You have summed up a lot with your thoughts about this Tara pouring all her love/sexuality into her artwork. Also, keep in mind that she had no idea that she would ever see Willow again. She has been drawing a woman she carries in her mind as a ghost. So I’m not sure that it is the same thing as painting someone who you know exists. I don’t know, maybe that’s only in my mind.

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I'm can't wait to see where you are going to take us with this Tara-knows-about-both-dimentions-thing. Is that why she waited for Willow all those years?? Because she knew that eventually she would come to her?? Or because she knew who her true love would be, no matter if she came or not, and she wouldn't settle for less??

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Ahhhh yes. I can see those thoughts. But I will say without reservation that Tara has had no idea that Willow was coming. Willow’s arrival is a complete surprise to Tara. But more explanation to come…



Thanks for your awesome comments.



Arwen276- Hey your favorite too? Awesome. I’d have to read through all my writing to see if it’s definitely my favorite but if it’s not, it’s close.



Oh there’s definitely a connection between the two Taras. I’ve been dropping in the dream references throughout but trying not to overpower it. Oh, more to come on how long Willow has been Tara’s muse…



You are 100% on about the demons. These demons are basically demons from her life and demons from Willow’s life: sort of a sampling of the entire group.

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Of course the shock was with Tara's mum's painting, oh and in this AU did she die when Tara was 6?

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No. She died the same time, when Tara was 17 but I think that losing one’s mother will make you feel like a child no matter whether you are 3 or 33 or 78 when it happens.

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I think there's a message Tara's trying to get to Willow, that she sees her as her angel, she's releasing her feelings to the open.

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I’m not sure that it’s so much a message as an opening, a confession to Willow. She feels that she has to tell this woman the length and breadth of her obsession. Keep in mind that although we now know that Tara has seen glimpses of Tara & Willow’s life through her dreams, Tara2 does not. She believes that she has been obsessing over Willow for nearly four years and that she has had terrible nightmares. She doesn’t know that her nightmares were real images from Sunnydale in the other dimension. I believe that part of her reason for showing Willow the exhibit is confessional. She feels that Willow has to see the art to know or understand her.



I’m glad that it seems to you like Willow is ready for a new relationship. You said great stuff, even at 1:20 at your side of the planet. I guess you’re in Europe?



Aimee - Well welcome then. I always appreciate feedback when you can get here or you can just read and enjoy. Thanks for admiring the power. I was definitely shooting for that.



sionan - Thanks for answering my question about your name. It’s beautiful. And mega cool that it was the most amazing chapter you’ve ever read. That’s what I was going for.



Grace - Yes, a big talk is definitely coming up. I think that picture expresses how it feels when your mother dies no matter how old you might be. I’ll update in a few days.



The Rose24 - Yes, I guess it is like a review of Y’all and also the show itself. I considered putting the title of each episode in the Spoiler list: Hush, The Wish, Dopplegangland, Older and Far Away, and Primeval. But then I figured everyone would get it without a specific list.



I intended for those two paintings to be the most powerful, partially because the other four demons are “borrowed” while those two are Tara’s real demons. So of course they are the most powerful for her and for the reader/viewer.



I’m not evil. But I’m sure you mean it in only the best way. A lot will be explained in the next part but not all…



We’re getting to the good stuff now aren’t we?????



DMW – Wow, I was impressed with myself for the writing of my post but now am super impressed with the writing in your comments: completely insightful and beautiful. I particularly love the wording of the final paragraph. I’ll get to that in a minute I guess…



I’m so pleased to hear that my descriptions of the art worked. This was something that I was afraid of: that although I can see each work in my head, I would be unable to describe it or convey the emotion of the piece. But based on everyone’s feedback, especially yours, I feel confident that I was able to convey the content of the works.

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. I thought the first image would have the strongest impact because of its surprisingly explicit sexual content, but the emotional and visual impact of the scene reverberated more and more strongly with picture after picture until we reach the most powerful image of all with the final tragic painting of Chestnut's death

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Yes, yes, yes. That was my intention. I wanted the first piece to be incredibly strong and powerful and passionate but in a way that is opposite the way the works on the opposite wall are powerful. And yes, I wanted to guide the reader using Willow as a lens.



Oh yeah to Tara’s hesitancy in showing Willow her works. First there are the drawings which she thinks might offend or hurt Willow. The ones that show her obsession, both sexual and otherwise for the girl, something I’m sure she worries will scare the redhead off.

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(how did she have a chance to live her own life while she was living so much of the other Tara's life, or is that the problem for her?)

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I think that is a question to which Michelle would say, “she hasn’t been living her life. She’s been surviving and recovering but not living.” And in a way it makes me sad for Tara. If the other Tara had never died and Willow had never arrived, would this woman continue obsessing and longing for Willow forever? Always haunted by the dreams of W&T’s life together? It’s creepy and sad.

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both for the depth of Tara's knowledge of the Buffyverse they evince

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Keep in mind: Tara doesn’t know that these images are real. She believes that she had dreams of W, actually visions from T1’s pov but she doesn’t know any of it is real or mystical. She believes they are “just dreams.” But you are right: she is definitely ready to open herself and her vulnerability to begin to let Willow understand her own demons. Telling Willow about the accident was only the first step in her disclosures.

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The fact that one Tara is so private about her art that she often doesn't share it with Willow, while the other Tara shares hers with the world is a spectacular difference, yet the very content of the paintings contradicts that difference by revealing a deep sameness of feeling and memory.

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Beautifully written! And yes exactly! The other Tara rarely talked about her mother to Willow and when she did disclose her mother’s death it was when being held by the woman who would become her lover. This Tara basically took her heart and tore it from her chest and used it to paint her pain and anguish, then displayed it in a gallery and sold it for thousands of dollars. And you are absolutely right that this scene is very hard because it simultaneously shows the differences in the two women and yet discloses a link that bonds them and blurs the line of separation.



Xita – Thanks. Yes, I love this part. I am starting to feel like I’m becoming a writer and this piece is a big part of my feeling like that. In a way I feel like the readers have an advantage over Willow since Tara has thought about her dreams so at least most readers knew that some connection existed and that it was real. On the other hand, Willow was completely shocked. Of course the readers have an advantage over Tara too since she doesn’t know that the connection is real. Yes they have a lot to talk about. For a long time…



Justin – Thanks a lot for thinking it’s brilliant. Yes, a big talk coming up. Ok more than one… (I’m not entirely done with the surprises…..)



Betinha – I’m so glad that you were overwhelmed by the emotions. That is exactly what I was going for so thank you for the praise.

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The way Willow is realizing just how different this Tara is, but at the same time has so many connections to Tara1.

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Yes yes yes. That is exactly the point. That’s the juxtaposition: she is so different as Willow is realizing and yet has a mystical link.

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As for the painting with Tara's mom, was she in fact a child when it happened in this world or is it just the way the artist projected herself and her feelings into the painting? In other words, Tara seeing herself as a lost child without her mother?

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Precisely and very well put. I hope you enjoyed your work day.



Grimmy – Actually 12 but who’s counting. Ok, I am, working with numbers all day long and everything…



I don’t think Willow will be particularly creeped out at the thought of them hanging in someone else’s home although the interaction with Helen makes more sense to her now. More to come on the Helen front too.



Yes you are right about it bringing up as many questions as it answered. Quite a bit will be explained in the next part but many readers have guessed about the dream connection. And oh yes! Tara has had nightmares like you wouldn’t imagine. Her nightmares from the accident are only a portion of what has haunted her at night. In the Christening Part I post, I reference how used to holding Tara during her nightmares Michelle is. But no, she did not know about Tara’s being shot from the dreams.



I think Willow fainted from the raw emotion and pain streaming off the painting of Chestnut. Plus which she knows the horse well and to see it so brutally dead and also knowing how this must have all but killed Tara…. But I’m glad you liked Tara & mum best. It did go for the most $.



I’m glad you’re intrigued by Never. More on that later but not in the next post. Yes, there are other people in the gallery but it is late in the day on a Sunday afternoon so it’s not crowded. Yes, definitely not tell Helen that they just met.



DMW – Wow, I must have been really thinking when I wrote that. Ok, seriously: great analysis but not my intention at all. Actually the image is from near the end of Y’all when Willow is trying to figure out what to do about the situation in Sunnydale. I haven’t really pounded on it but have mentioned a few times that Tara2’s dreams ended with Tara1’s death. So there isn’t an image here of that.



On the other hand, I was intending the image of Willow in the coffee shop to demonstrate Tara’s projection of her own loneliness and pain onto an image of Willow, as if she wonders if Willow needs her as much as she needs the redhead.



Grimaldi – I’m glad you could picture them in your mind. They are very vivid in mine and I’m glad I could communicate that.



Romy – Again, I’m so glad that you could picture them. That’s what I was going for of course. And glad to get your curious. Definitely a bond between them and more to come on that soon…



Karen – Wow and thank you so much. I’m glad you liked it so much and felt that it was so expressive. And feelings and emotions were very definitely my aim. Please do breathe; the next update will be 3-4 more days. Thanks.



Insanity – Wow, the inside of your head is very lucky then. I’m with you on the art and not liking modern that much but I do like abstract (Kandinsky etc.). And realism like this, I definitely like although a painting of a man painting a fence is never a big thrill for me. And glad that the description allowed you to see them. That’s very cool. Glad the last picture worked for you in terms of the emotional hit. Definitely talking to come and yes: she has opened herself very much to the redhead. Thanks for the ovation.



Helen – Thanks for your words about my talent. I’m a amateur writer too. Got called so in some feedback to Y’all last year. I’m glad you like my other stories too. (shameless Plug: I have two others: Two Days and The Please Series (incomplete and very NC-17)).



Yes the two are definitely growing closer and have a great deal of affinity if not love. And yes, given her trouble speaking, particularly around a difficult or embarrassing subject, just showing Willow her art would be solution. I’d say that Tara suspected that she and Willow are soulmates from their first meeting. Keep in mind her conversation with Michelle when the two of them broke up after her initial meeting with Willow and Tara1. But more than that, soulmates or not, this is the woman who has haunted her dreams and waking time for almost 4 years. And as far as the difference between her and the other Tara, I would say that this woman has had to use her art to get out all the images and pain and longing in her head and in her heart for years.



Washi – Hey. I hope you are having a wonderful vacation. Yes, I’ve noticed that you like my work. :smile Yes the images of Willow are intense and intimate, yet they have that feeling that it is all borrowed rather than Tara having her own… I named the last picture intentionally so that I could both end the chapter and express what Tara was feeling at the time. Thanks for the praise.



Natti – Thanks. And yes to very realistic dreams.



barnabasvamp – Hey, I don’t get many comments from you so thanks for writing. I’m glad you liked the descriptions and that they gave you a visual. Cool.



shuyaku – Yes, you were one of the only people to even be concerned about what she wanted to show her. You’ve hit on the point of the display perfectly. The sides of the room are a direct contrast. To think that one woman can create those opposing works is astounding. I’m glad that they are so vivid for you.



You are right about the word cathartic : I believe that her art is very cathartic for her in terms of her trying to cleanse her demons. And you are right on target that Tara never expected Willow to arrive and see the exhibit. And given her difficulty expressing herself verbally when she is upset (and we can be sure this would be upsetting), she chose to show Willow the pictures, believing that the other girl would/could understand. I do want to emphasize again that Tara DOES NOT KNOW that any of her “dreams” were accurate. She does not know that the demons really exist or the source of her visions. Imagine how disturbing this has been for her. So to show Willow these works is even more vulnerable.



Yes to everything you say about “The End.” Although Tara is not used to telling the story she has now done it twice: once for the settlement and once for Willow. That does not mean that she isn’t haunted by the nightmare though. But you are right: I believe that for Willow, this image forces her to confront the enormity of the accident and the pain it caused.

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I'm hoping we get a 'longer conversation' in which Tara tries to explain her inexplicable ability and maybe need to render those images (and probably others that didn't make it into the show.)

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a longer conversation is certainly coming up and more after that. And you are right: these images are the 12 selected by Helen for inclusion. They are by no means the only ones she has created.

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DMV's interpretation of the meaning of the drawing with Willow, Chestnut and the two birds and Tara's statement "you c-c-can't touch them Will." is utterly insightful. Unfortunately, it is seemingly at odds with my theory that T2 lost her link when T1 died. So, Miss Master of Muse, some assistance if you please...

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Good point. I told DMW (gently I hope…) that her interpretation while beautiful and intricate is not my intention. You are correct that the link was severed (as the idiot Knights of Byzantium would say) with Tara1’s death. So that is not the intended meaning of this painting.



Thanks for all your thoughts.



Nick – Thanks for your thoughts. I’m glad it was intense and that you could see it in your thoughts. Exactly the effect I was shooting for.



the vamp nurd – Tee hee. I love it. Glad you were blown away. I’ll try to repeat sometime.



Velaingie – Thanks. I’m glad it made an impression.

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"It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or demons, heaven or hell." - The Buddha

[russ]

Sorry to have missed this chapter when it was first posted; I was away for the long weekend. I'll not respond at length, as I'd just be repeating what others have said. Only this: with a brief description of each, you have made me see these pictures as if I was in the gallery. Marvellous writing.



Just after reading this chapter, I returned to the novel I'm reading, Sheri S. Tepper's The Visitor. Almost the first words I came to were these: "Life arises naturally; where life is, death is, joy is, pain is. Where joy and pain are, ecstacy and horror are, all part of the pattern." This you have shown in Tara's art. Little snapshots of life, death, joy, pain, ecstacy, horror. And so you show us the intertwined, beautiful pattern of Tara's and Willow's lives.



Russ

[JustSkipIt]

One comment then an early-morning post:



Russ - I hope you had a good long weekend. I’m glad the pictures stood out for you. That quote is great. I think my wife reads that writer. Thanks for posting.





Title – Paths Diverged/Divulged Part 16 – Crossovers



Author – JustSkipit - Debra



Spoilers –Season 6



Rating – Part 16 – PG-13



Disclaimer – Guess what, I don’t own W&T, Buffy or the rest of the BtVS crew. Any similarity to actual persons living or dead is purely coincidental and fortunate. Also Rachel thinks I should point out that I don’t make any money from this…



Thoughts in italics



Flash backs indented



Memories and dreams indented AND italic





Having once again faded into the background and retaken her seat on the bench Tara watched Willow. The redhead stared and stared at the final painting. Occasionally her eyes seemed to flick to the others, displaying disbelief, but mostly she just stared and stroked the final painting. Tara had noted Helen haunting the archway both because, as Tara knew, the gallery should have closed 30 minutes earlier and because no one was supposed to touch the paintings. Sure Tara had used a fixative on the paint but she no longer owned the work.



That was a strange thing too: to not own her works. This was only her second exhibit and she hadn’t sold any works at the first exhibit. That exhibit was a student show at Texas A&M her first year. The call was for any “animal” art work and she had submitted two drawings of Chestnut which she had completed while still in high school. But she had not been willing to sell those works.



Tara wondered if she should say something to Willow. Should she approach her? Hug her? Comfort her? Should she suggest that they go somewhere else so Helen could lock up? Obviously they needed to talk. Tara could imagine that Willow probably felt violated by the “angel” series and that the redhead probably imagined that she was crazy from viewing the “demon” series. How would she explain? I’ve got it: Hey baby, sorry I didn’t mention it before but … well…I’ve been obsessed with you for years and I have these explicit dreams of you all the time. And oh yeah, also I have crazy nightmares with gore and death and destruction. Oh yeah, that’ll go over great!



Slowly Willow turned toward her as if she were taking in the gathering dusk. She noted Helen lurking near the archway of the room and Tara sitting on the bench looking like a small terrified child. The redhead took three shuffling steps toward the center of the room and silently put out her hand.



Tara was surprised at Willow’s motion. She stared at the hand before following the path up Willow’s freckled arm and to her impassive face. Matching the girl’s silence Tara gently entwined her fingers in Willow’s and used her cane to help lever herself from the seat. They began to slowly move toward the doorway looking but not smiling at Helen as they passed.



Tara could feel Willow’s erratic energy as it flowed through their linked hands. The redhead was a swirling mixture of shock, anger, surprise, confusion, and grief. All she wanted was to get out of here, out from under the watchful eye of Helen, and to explain. If this was the end, as she feared, she wanted to know quickly. I’ve spent so much of my life on this woman. If it will never be, I need to know that, her mind panicked. Through her fear she suddenly became aware that Helen had approached them. She gently laid her hand on Willow’s arm. “Willow. I can see that this was a shock for you,” she quietly said. “I assure you that I had no idea you didn’t know about the drawings.”



First Willow felt a strange sensation on her arm. She looked around slowly and realized that someone was touching her gently. But it wasn’t Tara. Tara’s hand was entwined with her own. She could feel their magical energy and she could feel Tara reading her emotional energy. The blonde wasn’t trying to control or assuage Willow’s reaction at all; she was just reading the redhead. So when Willow felt this other hand on her arm she followed the path of the hand and up the arm to ascertain the source of the contact. Helen’s words came to her as if the woman were speaking in slow motion and Willow thought, Now that’s ridiculous. People don’t speak in slow motion. It just looks like her mouth is moving slowly. So why am I hearing her words so slowly? Maybe I’ve gone deaf. But I can hear her talking. Is there a disease or condition of hearing but hearing everything slowly and will I eventually get too far behind? In direct contrast to the apparent speed of Helen’s speech Willow’s mind raced through this entire babble in the time it took the exhibit gallery owner to produce the first few words of her speech. The redhead raised her eyebrows at Helen. That…I…she…huh? she thought incoherently. She was trying to figure out how to respond when she realized that she just didn’t care to respond in any way. Speaking for the first time in she had no idea how long she turned slowly to Tara. Looking into blue eyes, eyes which demonstrated the fear in the blonde witch, she whispered: “can we go?”



Tara visibly twitched at Willow’s words but recovered quickly. Not trusting her voice she nodded and gave a half-hearted smile to Helen as the two girls went out the door. Neither girl spoke as Tara let Willow into the car and closed the door behind her before climbing in the driver’s side. As she sat she felt the usual twinge of pain in her leg and gasped.



Tara’s exclamation of pain brought Willow out of her fog. She looked over at the blonde quickly to see her attempting to hide the expression of pain that crossed her face. The redhead’s eyes wandered to Tara’s gentle hands rubbing her leg. “Would you like me to drive?” Willow offered.



“N-n-no,” Tara responded. Realizing that she didn’t know what was really happening she asked, “w-w-where?”



Oh Goddess. She’s stuttering so badly. Why is she stuttering so badly? What is she afraid of? Willow attempted to reason out the reason for Tara’s upset as she watched the blonde intently. “My place,” she answered.



She just wants me to drop her off. Oh Goddess. It’s over. It’s so over. I should have told her about the drawings. I should have just said, “so Willow. I’m glad you’re here. I’ve been drawing your naked quivering body for years.” Yeah. That would go over so well. Tara worried. “O-o-o-k,” she whispered attempting to fight back the tears she knew would fall. And this time she knew it would be so much worse. Before she had only met Willow the one time but now she had gotten to share a few weeks, a few dates, some incredible kisses… and to lose that all.



Willow knitted her eyebrows as she looked at the blonde. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. At first Willow thought it was in reaction to seeing her art work. The painting of Chestnut alone would have broken most people but combined with the one of Becky, Willow couldn’t imagine how Tara could come to the gallery. But then this woman wasn’t most people. She was stronger and more resolved than anyone Willow had ever met. Even your Tara? Her mind answered just as quickly, even my Tara. So why the tears? As she realized what must be going on for the blonde Willow entwined their fingers and lifted Tara’s hand to her lips. Placing a soft kiss on the skin she attempted to comfort her: “I want to show you something I have at my place.”



Tara stole a glance toward the passenger seat uncertainly. Is she saying she wants me to come in? She attempted to reconcile what she was hearing with what she knew must be true. Surely Willow was angry at her; surely she felt betrayed and exposed. Didn’t she? Tara pulled into a parking space at the hotel and slowly got out of the car. By the time she had closed her door Willow had come around the driver’s side and reached her hand out toward the blonde. Tara looked at the offering warily but took it nonetheless. The two girls walked in silence toward the building, Willow only dropping Tara’s hand when they reached the door and she had to unlock it. Silently Willow moved toward the kitchen and started some coffee. It was obvious to both girls that it would be a long night.



Tara took a seat on the chair by the computers and waited as Willow finished her work on the coffee. Once the liquid was brewing the redhead re-entered the room and silently crossed to her bags. Without speaking she pulled a sheet of drawing paper from the bag where it had been safely wedged between the leaves of a book and handed it to Tara before walking back to the kitchen to get each of them a cup of coffee.



Aware that Willow had re-entered the room Tara didn’t even attempt to hide her surprise at the display in front of her. The drawing was virtually identical to the final “angel” piece from the exhibit. It had the same sleeping position, the same erotic innocence, the same implications for the sheet clutched in her hand. Tara’s name and 12/98 were scribbled in the lower corner. The blonde handed back the picture and took the coffee in exchange. “I d-d-don’t understand,” she stuttered still shocked to see her drawing in Willow’s room.



Willow sipped at her coffee as she explained, “Tara drew that picture the afternoon of the first time we ever made love.”



Tara attempted to take in the implications for this information. “W-w-when?” As she spoke she realized what a stupid question it was. The picture was signed and dated. “I m-m-mean that’s a stupid question. Obviously it was December, 1998.” She sighed in frustration at herself. The metaphorical lightbulb went off over her head as she asked, “December, 19th?”



Willow crinkled up her brow in confusion as Tara pinpointed the date. Unexpectedly a blush rose up her cheeks as she thought of that weekend and then of being here with this similar but different woman. She nodded silently.



“That w-w-was the day,” Tara explained cryptically.



“What day?”



Tara took a deep breath. This wasn’t making sense but she was starting to see some connections. “Early in the morning I had a dream. It was the first dream I ever had of you but you were different. That night I dreamed of that.” She pointed to the drawing as she spoke.



Willow was intrigued but still confused about how Tara would know the date. She had looked very closely at the art at the gallery and hadn’t seen any dates on the drawings. “How do you know the date?” she asked.



Tara looked up into curious green eyes and simply said, “that afternoon y’all pulled me into your world.”



Again Willow was shocked by this disclosure. “No,” she answered, “it was in April. It was near the end of the school year when we pulled you through. Remember, in our world Michelle and Eliza were already a couple?”



Tara thought of arguing but realized that this was far from the important point of the afternoon. “Ok. So it was April for you b-but December for me.” Looking at the floor she added, “are you m-m-mad about the drawings?”



Finally Willow understood why Tara was so upset: Oh! She thought I would be mad about the drawings of me. Stupid me! She kneeled in front of the blonde and lifted her chin slightly to look into her teary eyes. “Baby?” she made sure she had Tara’s attention. “I’m not mad at all. I’m confused about them but I’m not mad. The drawings and paintings are beautiful and powerful and confusing.” She leaned forward and kissed Tara. She could feel the other girl’s panic and desperation in the way she was withholding herself and she allowed their kiss to go on and on until she felt Tara beginning to soften. Finally she pulled back. “Can we talk about the exhibit?”



Hearing Willow call her baby and feeling her kiss her so passionately, Tara could believe that this woman really cared for her, that she wasn’t angry. But … As Willow rocked back onto her heels, Tara stood and began pacing the room. “I’m r-r-really sorry about the exhibit Willow. I didn’t know you were coming and it’s not that I j-j-just wanted to make money off your body or something.” She took a breath unsure if she could explain herself: “It’s just… The exhibit is about my inspiration my-my-my … I can’t explain…”



“The exhibit: it is the things that haunt you?” Willow posed.



Tara looked up shocked at the redhead’s words. Willow had absolutely pinpointed the meaning of the exhibit. “Y-y-yes,” she stuttered.



Willow waved her hand as she went to get them each a cup of coffee. As she returned she explained, “I have so many questions. Those drawings, those pictures are amazing and I don’t understand at all. How did you know? Where did they come from? How…I mean…how did you know about my birthmark?” As soon as the words were out of her mouth the redhead blushed bright red. Thinking of the birthmark made her remember how Tara would tease her saying that it was the only thing standing between Willow and perfect breasts. Then she would circle the mark with her own marks, to contain it she said.



Tara blushed but couldn’t restrain herself from the teasing comment, “I always thought of it as a beauty mark.” She was rewarded as Willow’s mouth dropped open. That vixen! the redhead thought. Tara smirked before giving her one word explanation: “dreams.”



“Dreams…Huh?” Willow offered lamely. Willow began to shake as she took in what Tara was telling her. She blindly reached her hand behind her and thankfully found the bed onto which she collapsed. “You dreamed me?” she confirmed. As Tara continued she asked, “you dreamed Adam? And the Gentlemen?” Tara continued nodding and was dismayed to see Willow jump from the bed. “Oh Goddess!” she shouted as she began pawing through one of her bags. She pulled from the bag a worn black journal and began paging through it. As she found the entry she was looking for she held the book out to Tara who began reading silently:

June 25, 2000,



I’m lying in bed trying to sleep but I can’t. How can I sleep alone? And I can’t sleep at the stable. I just can’t. The sound of the horses and the itch of the hay all drive me crazy. So it’s the third day that I’ve lain here waiting to be tired enough to sleep.



The other day Tara had a dream. A nightmare really and it was the worst nightmare I’ve ever seen her have. I woke to her screaming, tears running down her face. I couldn’t even understand what she was saying. She just kept screaming and screaming. Even as I tried to comfort her she couldn’t tell me what was wrong. Finally she got up and pulled on some clothes throwing mine across the bed at me. “Should we call Buffy?” I asked her? “Is it your father?”



She tried to open her mouth but all she could do was stutter: “Ch-ch-ch… Ch-ch-ch…” She grabbed the keys as we went out the door. As we raced across the lot to my car I noticed that she was limping badly.



“Baby, did you hurt yourself?” I asked and she looked at her leg as if noticing for the first time the way she was moving.



Finally able to form a sentence she told me, “I d-d-don’t know.” Tears poured from her eyes as she explained, “Ch-ch-chestnut’s d-d-dead.”



I almost ran a red light I was so shocked at her words. “What? No baby. It was just a dream. Chestnut is fine. We rode this evening and took her sugar cubes.” She just shook her head at me and sat forward as if that would get us to the stable faster. Once there she jumped from the car before remembering her injury and hobbled to the stable as quickly as possible. She seemed genuinely surprised to find the beautiful animal safe and secure. She couldn’t stop crying as we stayed at the stable all night.



The nightmares have continued with images of Chestnut being dead and various monsters. We live in a world filled with monsters but she says this is worse than any of what we’ve seen here. The only time she feels better is when she’s at the stable. So it’s standard Scooby fare: research by day and horrors by night and here I am sleeping alone and hoping that we can find out why she’s having these dreams.

“She slept at the stable for close to two weeks,” Willow explained quietly as Tara handed back the journal.



“I-I-I…,” Tara tried to speak but couldn’t. She took a deep breath before gathering her wits. “There w-w-were other dreams?”



Willow still felt total shock over the disclosures of the past few hours. She didn’t initially process Tara’s question but asked her own: “how many dreams did you have Tara?” As the words were coming out of her mouth she realized that the blonde might think she was questioning her or suspecting her of something. She kneeled in front of the girl and took her hands in her own. Tara looked down at the small hands grasping hers lightly. The freckles made myriad patterns on the back of her hand. She concentrated her attention on the skin without answering. Willow allowed Tara plenty of time. She didn’t want to pressure the girl but she really wanted to know what was going on. “Sweetie… how many dreams did you have?”



The gentle tone of her voice encouraged Tara to share her experience. “H-h-hundreds,” she finally whispered.



“There are more drawings?” Willow guessed.



Repeating her previous answer Tara told her, “hundreds.” She took a deep breath before elaborating: “I don’t understand a lot of them. Some are t-terrible… really really terrible” Looking up she saw Willow’s warm and caring green eyes. “Some are wonderful,” she smiled and blushed.



The redhead in turn blushed as she thought of the content of the artwork she had already seen. She was confused but wanted to suggest her suspicions: “you had dreams of her life? Our life?” She amended her thoughts: “and she had dreams of yours?”



Tara waved her hand at Willow to let her know that she wanted to think about it for a few minutes. “Oh Goddess!” Tara suddenly shouted. “I thought they were j-just nightmares. Those were r-r-real? You lived that life with demons and m-m-monsters.” She leaned back and started brushing her hands over Willow as if checking her for internal injuries or damage that she hadn’t noticed until now. Again she asked, “w-were they real?”



Willow inhaled deeply as she thought of how to answer best. “Uh, well I haven’t seen all your drawings but uh probably most of them were real.” Tara felt simultaneous waves of fear and relief. Fear that the dreams were true, that Willow had lived through such terror and relief that she had made it through. She leaned forward and kissed the redhead desperately before grasping her in a tight hug.



For a few minutes Willow just enjoyed the close contact. After a few minutes she gasped out, “oxygen becoming an issue here baby.”



Tara quickly released her hold on the redhead but quickly kissed her again. “Th-th-the dreams are confusing b-b-but are you mad at me about the exhibit?”



Willow sat back cocking her eyebrow at the blonde in confusion. “What? Mad? No why would I be mad? Oh because there were pictures of me in it? I mean ok, surprise for me but the whole thing was a surprise and I don’t know why you didn’t tell me right off but I’m sure you had a good reason…” She trailed off at the end before answering succinctly, “no I’m not mad baby.”



Tara breathed out slowly in response to Willow’s answer. As she was starting to answer a wide yawn broke out across her face. Finishing she whispered, “good. I’m glad you’re n-not mad.”



The redhead smiled gently at Tara before leaning forward to press their lips together. At first the contact was gentle and soft but quickly it grew more passionately as both girls darted out their tongues at the same instant. Each giggled as their soft tongues clashed before they widened their mouths and locked them together. Willow welcomed Tara’s soft intrusion first before returning both tongues into the blonde’s mouth. Within minutes their breathing became labored. Finally Willow broke off the kiss as she asked, “we can talk about them more another time right?”



“Hundreds,” Tara told Willow somewhat cryptically.



It took the redhead a moment to realize that Tara was again referring to her artwork, saying that she would show her more another time. Rather than asking again about the art, she asked, “stay with me tonight?”



Tara looked lovingly at the redhead before looking at the floor. “I c-c-can’t. I mean I’m not r-r-r…” she stuttered.



Realizing that the blonde was stuttering but that she wasn’t upset, Willow giggled. She lifted Tara’s chin as she explained, “not that baby. I just want to feel you in my arms all night.” She waited a second before continuing, “if not tonight some other night?”



Tara smiled as she heard the smaller girl’s loving words. “Tonight’s good Willow.”



“Really?”



“Really,” Tara confirmed and was reassured as Willow leaned forward wrapping her arms around her and kissed her on the forehead.

---

"It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or demons, heaven or hell." - The Buddha

Edited by: JustSkipIt at: 9/1/03 4:01 pm

[justin]

Yay, that was great.



It seems that there is a definite connection between the two Tara's, with them both dreaming of the others life.



Reading about Tara's dream about Chestnut was sad, but it made me think that in one reality there's a Chestnut with Tara and in the other there's a Tara without Chestnut. So if Willow does stay in Tara's reality then she needs to transfer Chestnut over from her reality.



I'm looking forward to seeing more of Tara's pictures.



It must have been hard for her though having all these dreams about monsters and not knowing where they came from.

I understand, you should be with the person you l-love


I am

[32flavors]

Debra, this is soooo gooood!!



In the last update you showed us those amazing pictures, let us see Tara show Willow her dreams and nightmares and all the powerful emotions in them. And now you give us the aftershocks, taking us inside each girl's head and heart to let us see how they were both affected by this - I'm guessing - a turning point in their relationship. I love how aware you make them, how while being still emerged in the effects of seing and showing the pictures they're at the same time so aware of each other, trying to figure out how the other one is doing, what may be going on inside her. To me it's simply breathtakingly beautiful and very, very moving. It's like I've said before, you bring us closer to them than ... well, anybody really. Thank you so much for this!!



Diana

[willow fan7]

Hi new here...great story...jaw dropping...fantastic...more???soon??? i'm going and

[LadyBrymstone]

Debra,



Wonderful chapter. The last chapter was so vivid with the description of Tara's artwork, and this new post felt just the same, even with just a short journal entry about the Chestnut nightmare.



I am so impressed with the way this story is weaving both Tara's lives. I can't wait to see how they intertwine further and how you will enable Willow to handle all these revelations (actually how both Willow and Tara will handle them).



Thanks for the update and I look forward to more!

~LadyB~

---

"I am just your ordinary...average, everyday, sane, psycho, super-Goddess." - Liz Phair, "Extraordinary"

[Puff]

I've really enjoyed catching up on this story. It is wonderful. The pictures are haunting really and Tara's accident with Chestnut is traggic, I can certainly inderstand her grief over that.



The end of the last update was great, I look forward to seeing if/what Tara dreams when she is wrapped up in Willow's arms for the night.

---

So, the day started and I knew my name and had my pants on. So far, so good. Yay.
Amber Benson

[darkmagicwillow]

I'm glad you like my feedback; I really wanted to demonstrate my appreciation of that last chapter, whose mute power reminds in a way of their meeting in Hush. As for the painting, I'll stick with my interpretation; even in magic, there are things beyond our comprehension, and well, I just like it better. (-;



In the current chapter, I like how Tara's deep fears and doubts roil below the surface of her seemingly calm exterior as she watches Willow react to the paintings, until she finally can't keep them completely confined within herself any longer as Willow asks her to take her home. Tara's shock at the revelation that her dreams were true dreams of another world was well portrayed and implies great difficulties with Willow resuming her former lifestyle in this universe or the other.



Hundreds? I guess that answers my question about how much of a life Tara's been able to lead on her own; it also implies that while the link was bidirectional, it was asymmetric, with this Tara receiving far more of the life of the Buffyverse Tara than the Buffyverse Tara, who only seemed to dream events of major impact like Chestnut's death, received of her life. It is tragic to be haunted to such a degree by dreams of something that she could never have ... except it turns out that perhaps she'll have what she's wished for after all as she takes the first steps toward that dream by staying the night with Willow, an experience that would have to be both disconcerting and reassuring after having awakened so many nights to find herself alone after having so vividly seen herself with Willow in her dreams.



p.s.: The email address I have for you isn't working; I have a small correction to the current part I'd like to email you.

--

"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

Edited by: darkmagicwillow at: 8/8/03 12:21 pm

[Insanity]

Hey Debra!



This story is getting better and better.



The parallels that open up in this part between the dreams and the real lives of our Taras are stunning. Tara2 realizing, that her nightmares where Willows life. I really hope, you'll show us more of Taras wonderful art.



But there is one thing I don' t understand totally.



When the timelines where apart, how come they are in synch now? Is this timeline moving faster?

Oh and... Helens apology. I think Tara has some explainings to do.



So..108? Huh.... Here it is about 103. It hasn't been this hot in 20 years... I would like to write some more, but I really can not concentrate....

But really great work.



Insanity



(edited to correct some stupid errors...)

"Nobody messes with my girl!"Tara, Bargaining

Edited by: Insanity  at: 8/8/03 4:30 pm

[littlecrazy80]

This story gets better and better.

It´s really interesting how you built this bond between the 2 Taras.



*lil´c*

Let´s get happy and let´s be gay. germany´s grand prix song



Check this out

[TemperedCynic]

So, the Tara's were sharing memories of their lives via dreams/nightmares. I'm looking forward to where you take this, Debra. So many possibilities.



The journal entry explains why Willow collapsed before Chestnut's painting at the gallery. You expressed Tara's regret, fear and misery from the gallery to Willow's apartment so well. The "hundreds" of memories shared between the Tara's could prove very interesting when these two admit their feelings and come together.



And poor Helen! She must think that she just witnessed Willow break up with a distraught Tara in her gallery! Well, good news for her, I'm sure!

---

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. Woody Allen (1935 - )

[shuyaku]

Debra,



Another amazing update. And I should just not be surprised that you always surprise me. I wasn't expecting the dream link to be bi-directional. As DMW mentioned, it does seem weighted to T2's side.



I found Tara's worry endearing - she is most concerned that Willow is mad at her for the revealing images. Which of course is the furthest from the redhead's mind.



I really can't wait to see where to take this.



I'm going on vacation for the next 10 days, so I'll probably be in major withdrawal when I get back. And in major need of surprising Paths updates



-shuyaku

[Rage More]

great update, i'm glad we have an clear explination of how tara knew of everything that she'd drawn. it was soo sad to hear that willow's other tara dreamt of cheasnuts death, she must have been so scared. once again well done, more please?



sionan

"Rage More" Paulie- Lost and Delirious

[russ]

Sorry to hear y'all are sweltering there; we're having a much cooler, damper than normal summer. Maybe we could work out a trade agreement. My tomatoes need some heat!



This chapter beautifully continues the previous one, with the needed explanations and developing understanding. Neither of them realized how connected the two Taras were until this point. Willow's showing T1’s drawing particularly brought home how they were sharing their lives without knowing it.



Tara's misunderstanding of Willow's reaction to the drawings is natural; she didn't know Willow would ever be in her world or her life, so intended to reveal herself rather than Willow through her art. Now she fears that Willow will feel exploited by the "muse" drawings.



Meanwhile Willow is in a state of emotional shock and confusion. You describe so well her confused state, with the distorted time sense she experiences. Once she becomes aware of her surroundings again, she quickly acts to soothe Tara's fears.



You've dropped a little "time bomb" with the December/April date discrepancy. I don't know if you're going to go anywhere with it, but there are implications here that could be significant.



This is the chapter where Tara gains understanding of what has been "haunting" her life. What she thought were dreams haunted and also inspired her, as well as spoiling her social life. After all, who could compete with the woman of her dreams, when that woman was her true soulmate?



Now Tara experiences the shock of realizing that the dreams, and the drawings which sprang from them, were real. "Really really terrible" or "wonderful", but all true.



With these revelations, the two have moved closer together; trusting in the other's love, understanding the other's life. The decision to spend the night together, without pressure to go farther or faster than is comfortable for both, illustrates this. As Diana says, it's a turning point in their relationship.



Justin suggested that they should transfer Chestnut to this world; I have a few problems with the idea. One is the obvious, that Tara is unable to ride, and so having Chestnut there would be very difficult for them both. Another is that you suggested near the beginning that Dawn has become fond of the horse. It's hard enough that she's lost Tara & now Willow; must she lose her four-legged friend also?



Then there are my on-going worries over what is happening in Willow's original world without her there. Suffice to say that they might be ill-advised to try opening a gate to that world.



Thank you for the gift of this chapter; it's much appreciated at the end of a difficult week. Rachel is right to point out that you (and all the Pens writers) do this for free; so each new update is a gift to the readers. Fortunate we, generous you!



Russ

[The Rose24]

Geez. What can I say? This story is truly a masterpiece.



You answered a few of my questions, but you are deliberately putting off the good stuff, aren't you? . It is really going to be interesting to see how Tara2's knowledge of this Willow will affect them whenever they start a serious relationship. I can't even really imagine how Tara2 will react when she finally gets to experience firsthand how it will be to finally make love to Willow. Tara2 will be able to create her own memories instead of living vicariously through her dreams. Am I getting too far ahead of myself here?



I completely understand why Tara2 is worried Willow is upset about the art. I certainly would be freaked if someone I barely knew drew real pictures of me in a series of "excited" states. It almost seems like an invasion of privacy because these "times" are supposed to only be for my partner and myself. I can imagine the drawings are like therapy for Tara2. A way of "purging" or "cleansing" her soul. These pictures and the night of holding are certainly going to be turning points in Tara2 and Willow's relationship.



It makes me wonder if the universe is fixing things for ? Maybe the universe knew Tara would die and is pulling Willow and Tara2 together? Tara2 can finally find some rest and happiness and Willow can pull out of her depression and do the same. Does that make sense?



Wow. I got kind of long-winded there, but it is a lot to think about. I will be waiting impatiently for the next update.

Tara: My heart doesn't stutter.


Tara: Willow, I got so lost.

Willow: I found you. I will always find you.

Edited by: The Rose24  at: 8/8/03 8:30 pm

[Grimlock72]

Seems the two Tara's dreamt about the highly emotional charged moments in their lifes. Hardly surprising Tara2 had more dreams that way, Tara1 had Willow (happy moments) and lots of demons and monsters to fight (not so happy)...



Tara2 must have had horrible nights for YEARS. So much for Tara2 being happy in her own world, even if without her Willow .



I was a bit surprised Willow didn't pick up on why Tara would be scared of her reaction. Tara thought Willow would think she was crazy based on some of those Demon paintings? Well got that fixed since she knows those things did happen, not so sure how much of a comfort that is to Tara though.



What was Helen trying to do anyway ?? What's up with that energy Willow felt which didn't come from Tara (thank goodness for that btw... don't like influencing people like that).



I have no idea where you're going with the Dec/April difference so I'll cheerfully ignore it for now .



Tara1 going to sleep near chestnut's stable after dreaming he died was sweet. Must have been very strange for her to dream stuff like that. Tara2 probably got used to having such strange dreams/nightmares. At least I hope she did, to some extend.



Hopefully this Tara didn't have too many nightmares/paintings about Glory. surely she could skip SOME misery in the other Tara's life ? Just dream about the NICE parts, much better .



Why did Willow make coffee anyway ? This wasn't a LONG night, it was tiresome sure... but nowhere near LONG. Seems like they're doing the realisation-talk in small parts, lets them sink in and such. (if that makes sense, it sounds awfully dutch-english :-)



Hmm... what OTHER monsters did Tara1 dream about and hence did Tara2 experience ? Tara1 described the monsters as worse than those in their (Willow/Tara1) world... so what were those and where did they go ??



Grimmy

--
"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

Edited by: Grimlock72 at: 8/9/03 4:27 am

[bluewillowwitch]

Debra,

I loved that update! It was very emotional. It is so cool that both the s saw each others lives in their dreams. When brought out that picture and the that journal I was in mild shock. It was very cool. I how it ended too with them going to cuddle after the seriousness of that talk. I can't wait to more! Update soon, please?





Grace

-------------------------------------

"Fate keeps on happening."--Anita Loos

[JustSkipIt]

Comments, replies, and the such:…



Justin – Yes, definitely a connection between them. I’m not sure that I could see any reason for bringing Chestnut here. I feel like it would just remind Tara constantly of what she had lost. Although in that theory, what is Willow doing here with this Tara? That’s an interesting parrallel. But… you can assume that if I haven’t mentioned Tara riding yet, she probably doesn’t. We will see more about her art work in future updates…still some surprises to come. And yes, it was pretty horrifying for her to see all those nightmares and not know the source.



Diana – Yes, I’d say a turning point for them. An opening up of Tara to Willow to allow her to see her demons and her obsession and one for Willow to accept them so easily and be fascinated with this woman. I think that Willow handles the day wonderfully in spite of her shock. I’m glad that you liked the contrast and interplay of the external and internal dialog; I figured there should be a lot of both. Thanks for your praise.



willow fan7 – Welcome. Thanks for commenting and liking so much. Update in a few days.



LadyB – I’m glad this post worked and made you think of the prior one. I had serious reservations about this posting given the emotional power of the last. But it seems that everyone thought that it worked. Yes it is complicated the way that both Taras lives intertwine and make even more complex the concept that Tara is Tara but she’s not the same Tara. But we now know that she is even more connected than we thought… Very complicated.



Puff - So new to the story? I’m thinking that you posted a while ago but then not for a while so I’m glad to have you back. You are right that the pictures are haunting whether they are the wonderful ones of Willow, a woman Tara believed she could never have, or the demons she believed she imagined. Wouldn’t you feel safer in Willow’s arms…



DMW - Wow and also wow. Reminded you of Hush: that’s high praise. You are welcome to that interpretation and certainly I love it when something can be interpreted two different ways. Yours is way more intelligent sounding then mine.



I’m also so pleased that Tara’s turmoil communicates. I think that she is a person who sometimes has trouble expressing herself verbally (re: Hush, New Moon Rising) but look at how busy her mind is and how she can communicate through her art. You make a good point about Willow’s former lifestyle. I definitely think that this Tara is not going to warm to that idea. Now that she has Willow (we hope) will she be likely to be willing to risk her life? And for that matter, don’t we hope that Willow has learned her lesson? I mean it’s not like there’s an endless supply of Taras to replace one with. Ok, there is an endless supply but that doesn’t mean that she has access to them. So she better be careful with the one she has now.

Quote:

---

Hundreds? I guess that answers my question about how much of a life Tara's been able to lead on her own; it also implies that while the link was bidirectional, it was asymmetric, with this Tara receiving far more of the life of the Buffyverse Tara than the Buffyverse Tara, who only seemed to dream events of major impact like Chestnut's death, received of her life.

---

You are exactly right about that! Tara1 received really only a few communications from this Tara while Tara2 had pretty much constant interaction with Tara1 & Willow’s life. Of course she didn’t know that it was real. She believed all along that there was something wrong with her. Since I made it up my reasoning is that: the link was established through the wish which merged the realities at that time (or separated them depending on your interpretation). The link was strengthened when the two Taras met and it was stronger on Tara2’s end because of the presence of Willow in the other reality. Like with being Tara’s amplifier, Willow is the amplifier for sending communications from Tara1 to Tara2. Ok, that probably makes no sense but…



Yes, completely tragic and I love the way you say that now she has the chance to wake up with Willow for real after all the nights of waking up alone. Thanks for the correction. Theoretically either e-mail should be working now.



Insanity - Yes we will definitely see more of her art. In fact we’ll see the best and the worst a few parts from now. No, really I’m teasing but that’s the name of that post.

Quote:

---

When the timelines where apart, how come they are in synch now? Is this timeline moving faster?

---

You and a few other people asked about it. The timelines are different because the spell with Anya is intended to bring forth the object from the time and place from which it was lost. The pendant was “lost” during “The Wish.” That is how they were able to bring forth VW just before she is staked on the show. In the case of this fiction, it means that they bring Tara2 through on that day of the wish which you will remember is the day after they first make love. Also you may remember that Tara2 and Michelle broke up when Michelle got home from Christmas vacation so that was a hint that the timelines were off. But then they send her back to her own time and these times arrive at here&now as they should. I hope that makes sense. If not, maybe DMW can help me out with explaining the parallel universes?



Helen is…well how do I put this… do you remember Elizabeth? She’s another version. If I were Tara, I’d just let Helen think whatever she wants (more on that in the next update).



Yep, 108 here on Thursday and only 105 yesterday. Felt positively refreshing. Thursday was the first day of the summer that felt just oppressive. Enjoy the heat…



Romy - Thanks for your comments and everything. Glad you’re liking.



TemperedCynic - Yes to the sharing and glad you’re enjoying and looking forward to it. I’m not sure that the journal entry is necessary to explain the collapsing; I believed it a product of the cumulative shock and the emotional power of the work. But I’m glad that you see that connection too… And yes… the worry that Tara feels is overwhelming for her.

Quote:

---

The "hundreds" of memories shared between the Tara's could prove very interesting when these two admit their feelings and come together.

---

Yes, a little more on that now but it will be strange when it finally happens since Tara has been dreaming it so explicitly for years.



Ha ha about Helen. You hit her nail on her head (probably the best thing to do).



shuyaku - Ok, you said you’d put intelligent comments over here since you couldn’t come up with any in Please. You and DMW are completely right that the link is bi-drectional and weighted heavily to T2’s side. I kind of give my theory on it in her reply (or is that my reply to her reply?) Enjoy your vacation. I hope you get along ok with your dad’s gf. I met mine when I was 7 and really hated her but now she’s a really wonderful woman. I hope you react better than I did. Good luck.



sionan I’m glad the explanation seemed clear. Yeah it was a pretty dramatic dream for Tara1. Thanks for your comments. More to come in a few days (and a lighter and more fun update).



russ - We’ve actually had a much cooler than usual summer. So far I think we’ve only had four days over 100. I think last year probably 40 or so. In June and July we got some rain too but that’s a thing of the past now. We just dream of rain and turn on the sprinklers in the middle of the night. I’ll see what I can do about sending some heat to your tomatoes though.



You are right about the continuation. I considered posting it as one part but I really wanted the shock and power of Exhibit - to stand on its own. Also I wanted to end with the words the end but certainly these go together. You put it beautifully that Tara’s exhibit was about exposing herself, not Willow. But then Willow arrives and now she worries that she exposed Willow and that Willow will be angry about it.



I’d say that Willow being in shock is an understatement. She can’t even understand why Helen is talking to her.

Quote:

---

You've dropped a little "time bomb" with the December/April date discrepancy. I don't know if you're going to go anywhere with it, but there are implications here that could be significant.

---

See my response to Insanity about it. But I was not trying to hang any guns over any fireplaces. It’s not significant, just the way that it is.



You are completely right. That’s why she hasn’t had another relationship. Not only did she have the memory of Willow, combined with nightmares and terror of her accident and the demons, but she dreams of Willow constantly. No one could ever compete with that. And yes a definite turning point with the spending the night.



I agree with you about Chestnut. I wouldn’t want to remind Tara of what she has lost but also I haven’t mentioned Tara2 riding in this story. It will come up but it’s safe to say that if she hasn’t done it yet, she probably doesn’t do it ever.

Quote:

---

Then there are my on-going worries over what is happening in Willow's original world without her there. Suffice to say that they might be ill-advised to try opening a gate to that world.

---

Without violating Kitten s7 policy: suffice it to say you are dead on there. Not a great time over in Willow’s world right now.



You are so welcome for your wonderful praise and thanks.



The Rose24 - Masterpiece awww shucks. Thanks.



I’m putting off the good stuff? Huh? Ok, I know what you mean but we are getting there but slowly. Believe me when I say this monster of a story is growing out of control. When I started it I was expecting another 22 parter like Turned. Now I’ve written 24 parts (posted 15) and haven’t even disclosed every surprise let alone gotten to the end. And you are entirely right that actually making love to Willow rather than dreaming about it will be a new experience for her.



You are completely right and I considered having Willow be upset about the drawings but I figured that the overwhelming reaction would be one of shock. And once that shock is explained and the link disclosed, that becomes the important thing, not the invasion. And yes, the artwork is definitely a purging for Tara.



Yes what you say makes perfect sense. That if the universe/spirt/God/Goddess has foresight of everything that will happen and destiny it would know that Willow will need Tara2 to be waiting for her so it set it up like that… Kind of mind-boggling.



Grimmy - You hit the nail on the head about the dreams being big things although this Tara also dreamt of Willow in more mundane times. And no she wasn’t particularly happy in her own world without Willow. She’s been haunted by Willow and by her demons.



I think that Willow didn’t pick up on Tara’s trepidation and horror because she was so busy being shocked herself. The energy? Not like a mystical thing, just Helen’s intrusion on her shock. Just her reaction to that, nothing strange. I hope that makes sense.

Quote:

---

I have no idea where you're going with the Dec/April difference so I'll cheerfully ignore it for now .

---

Explained in comment to Insanity and not going anywhere on it.

Quote:

---

Tara1 going to sleep near chestnut's stable after dreaming he died was sweet. Must have been very strange for her to dream stuff like that.

---

I’ve had dreams like that myself. It’s nearly impossible to ensure that it was just a dream. Sometimes you have to make sure that the person or whatever is ok. I’m not sure it is possible to get used to something like that horror but she did deal with it for years. You might remember that I reference Michelle being used to it too.

Quote:

---

Hmm... what OTHER monsters did Tara1 dream about and hence did Tara2 experience ? Tara1 described the monsters as worse than those in their (Willow/Tara1) world... so what were those and where did they go ??

---

I’m not sure I’m understanding your question but Tara2’s dreams aren’t Tara1’s dreams: they are Tara1’s life. Anyway, thanks for your comments.



Grace – I’m glad the emotion of the udpate worked. I didn’t think it was near the last update but everyone liked it so I’m reasured. Thanks. I’ll update in a few days.

---

"It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or demons, heaven or hell." - The Buddha

[good2cats]

Hi Debra,
The update was incredible and evocative as ever.You are turning me into a teary eyed sentimental sap,hard to do with a tough butch type like myself.
I really liked it when Tara's initial trepidation about an overnight stay vanished when she realized the invitation was more innocent than carnal.Not that there is anything wrong with hot sex-please write some soon if appropriate ,but holding and offering comfort to a loved one has much to commend it.
I scan the horizon for your next update
Be well,Karen

[Grimlock72]

Debra,



That question was indeed a bit mess (two Tara's will do that to you ). Let me quote from the last update:

Quote:

---

The nightmares have continued with images of Chestnut being dead and various monsters. We live in a world filled with monsters but she says this is worse than any of what we’ve seen here. The only time she feels better is when she’s at the stable. So it’s standard Scooby fare: research by day and horrors by night and here I am sleeping alone and hoping that we can find out why she’s having these dreams.

---

Now that is Willow describing Tara1's dreams/nightmares. So.... we can assume those images of Chestnut being dead and various monsters come from Tara2's life/experience. Which leads to the question; what monsters did Tara2 see ??



Bit sad that Willow had to sleep all alone for two weeks by the way. Come to think of it, why didn't she sleep at the stable as well ? She's no longer afraid of horsies, right ??



Grimmy

--
"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

[Grimaldi]

great update



pretty interesting that both Tara's had the same dreams/nightmares.

I'm not stealing, I'm just taking things without paying for them. In what twisted dictionary is that stealing?
Oh, relax, Casper, I'm not here to interrupt your blissing. Too much makes you go blind, though, you know

[sacinema]

Hi,

in the beginning I felt a little uncomfortable with the idea of this story: replacing your love with nearly the same person - weird. But absolutly Willow-like. But the longer it lasts, the better I get along with the story. Wow, you have great writing skills and a good feeling for bringing up the plot and story surprises. How did it call Hitch? Suspense. Your story definetly has suspense. I'm really longing for the next part. Loved also the prequel. Pretty interesting AU to normal season 3.

Thank you for such good reading stuff.

sacinema

[the vamp nurd]

OK, that must a really weird trip, where does one stop and one start...



but



To you Justskipit.

Sorry I missed church, I was busy becoming a lesbian and worshiping Satan



Bardlet no #27

[JustSkipIt]

More responses:



Karen – Ok, so now you are a teary-eyed sentimental butch. That can work… Yeah, Tara is very trepidatious at the thought of spending the night with Willow. But comforted at the thought of sleeping together. Hmmm, write some steamy sex? For the time being it’s over in Please which I know you’re reading (although not quite your cup of tea). But eventually we’ll get it here. Thanks.



Grimmy – Ahhh, I see now. Boy was that unclearly written (by me, not you). I meant that Tara1’s nightmares are filled with images of Chestnut’s death (real in Tara2’s world) and monsters (real in Tara1’s world). But I’ll give myself a few demerits for bad writing there.



Willow is sleeping alone because:

Quote:

---

June 25, 2000,



I’m lying in bed trying to sleep but I can’t. How can I sleep alone? And I can’t sleep at the stable. I just can’t. The sound of the horses and the itch of the hay all drive me crazy. So it’s the third day that I’ve lain here waiting to be tired enough to sleep.

---

So she just can’t fall asleep at the stable. But no, not afraid of horses and really has grown to love them.



Grimaldi – Thanks. Actually they had dreams of each other’s lives.



sacinema - I’m glad you’re getting into it. I had worries about it too along the lines of: what is too soon? What is long enough? How long would it take? How desperate? Etc. But as I write it I warm to it more and more. I’m glad that it’s starting to feel ok to you too. I’m glad you liked Y’all. You’re welcome.



the vamp nurd – I guess a weird trip is about right. Can be strange. Thanks.

---

"It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or demons, heaven or hell." - The Buddha

[2DIAMONDS]

Great update and a very intense and emotional opening scene...I just think that Willow was at a total loss for words and needed to collect her composure. What she needed was to be alone with Tara. That's just classic Willow and Tara relationship, on the show and in fan fics. Willow had a lot going on inside her, and she needed to feel the warmth and safety that Tara provides...that they provide each other.



Tara mistook her quietness for anger or perhaps resentment, but when Willow shared the first Tara's drawing...It seemed as though everything started to make sense for both of them. I don't believe it doesn't make one Tara any more the like the other...but definitely not any more different either. This is without a doubt the biggest step of their relationship so far. I can't wait for more.



Helen

xoxo

[numbered words]

I just caught up on the last few installments of the story and



I've been in Seattle at my grandmother's for two weeks and haven't had access to a computer. Well..that's not entirely true. I had access to a computer, but it was an evil computer. Evil I tell you. I could hardly even get the thing to sign on, much less to get it to a decent webpage. Stupid friggin evil piece of crap.



But now I'm back..so YAAAAAAAY!



Okay, I must agree that I am totally against Willow bringing Tara back to her world. Hasn't Tara (Tara andTara2) sacrificed enough for Willow? It's time for Willow to give. And besides. She's worked hard enough to "exist" in Tara's world. Why not stay existing there?



I loved the art gallery and the detailing in which the artwork was shown. Not only was Willow shocked, but I know that I was, too. I expected that Tara would have been able to see Willow in her dreams and be able to somewhat capture her in her artwork, but I wasn't expecting that she would be able to do it with such detail. Also considering that she's never REALLY seen her naked or anything. And I mean...the first piece of artwork?!?! Wowness. Then the artwork of Adam and the other demons was insane. And it was all so beautifully crafted that it led you to so many different possiblities for explanations as to why she knew all of this. And the paintings of her mother and of Chestnut WERE heartbreaking. So much pain.



And then, yay for Willow not being mad and for Tara staying the night. And the mega smoochies throughout the last few parts. It fulfilled my W/T withdrawal throughout the past 2 weeks. More smoochies! More smoochies!

[Karmah]

I just finished reading Ya'll and the chapters you have of this one and Wow. Fist off Loved that she went to UT and not a&m. Tara is to smart to be an aggie lol. And all the southern cracks had me laughing. Willow talking about chicken fried steak LMAO. You do a Brilliant job writing this emotionally tramatic fic. The pain and angush is heart renching, but balanced with bits of humor.

I hope that Willow stays in this Tara's relm I belive it would be better for them both and ok I think Tara has givin up enough.

I can honestly say I am anixously awaiting the next update.

Great Job

Karm

[AntigoneUnbound]

Hey Debra~~ Finally got enough time on a computer to do my work and offer some feedback. Sorry for the delay!



In Part 14, you offer us another great insight into Willow's mind. In particular, you "get" that curious (if ultimately incomplete) gratification of writing a letter to someone in order to feel close to them, even if you suspect they'll never read it, for one reason or another. It's also a sobering image of the "uber-question" I imagine is at play here: How far do we go, in an act of desperation, when we aren't sure that things can work out in the end? What do we do in those moments when all that matters is grasping that one chance to have what (whom) we want? It brings to mind the idea of deals made w/ the devil, and price tags that are larger than they might first appear. I know that you're not working w/ the idea of demonic transactions here, but that same sort of desperation is at play, at least as I read it.



In Part 15, I thought you used a powerful device to convey the parallel worlds w/ considerable emotional vividness. I mean, what could be more vivid than paintings, unless it's Jodie Foster running her fingers through her hair? OK, sorry--I'm back now. Anyway, the art gallery was a unique and useful means of showing us how intense the emotions and the parallels were. My only hesitation was the fact that all of the paintings were sold--seemed a little too good to be true, esp. in this time of economic down-turn. Related to that, I suppose, is the fact that it was hard to imagine actually hanging Adam's depiction in my living room. I dunno...It's a small point, whereas the main point is that you convey a very intense emotional journey in a really interesting way.



Part 16, I thought, gave us some much-needed exposition and background. Really, the parallel paths are amazing, and it's just incredibly gratifying to see our girls connecting all of those dots, large and small, that have marked the course of their life/lives together. And of course, ending it w/ the two of them about to fall into bed...very enjoyable.



So--it was a treat to read all of this and get caught up on such an inspired and creative work. Hope all's well down in D-town, and that the heat wave has abated somewhat. Here in PA, everyone has moss growing in our lungs b/c it's so damn rainy.



Take care, and thanks again for giving us such a great story, Debra!



Mary