Things That Suck

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I hate hiding my sexuality from my grandmother. Granted I only talk to her every few weeks, and usually only about work and school, but even so I hate that I'm hiding. Though I'm still terrified, I am really ready to tell her I'm gay. The trouble is, I decided years ago (and everyone in my family I've talked to about it agrees) that coming out to her is something I need to do face to face. I haven't seen her in nearly 4 years, not since my high school graduation, and though I have the money (not necessarily to spare, but I do have it) I don't have the time to visit. If I make it a priority I'm sure I could find the time this year, but I want it to be *now*. It hit me today just how sick I am of being in the closet, and I want to be done. A part of me wants to fuck the in-person plan and just call her up, because honestly I wish I could do it today. I wish I could go to bed tonight with that weight lifted-- because honestly it has been weighing on me for years, since two and a half years ago when she asked if I was visiting a boyfriend and I told her know, without telling her that I was visiting a girlfriend. That was the first time it really felt like a lie, and that was the day it really started to eat away at a little corner of my soul. I don't want to feel like that any more. I don't want to hide, not from anyone and especially not from family. I even looked into flights for a 3-day-weekend (which would be completely ridiculous cause my grandmother lives on the other side of the country), but even taking one day off in the near future would be a nearly impossible to plan, considering I'm waiting for one job to end and starting two others. I want to be able to go *now*, and I just can't. So I'm stuck with continuing to live like this, or giving up my promise to myself that just this once I would do it right and come out in the way that was best for the person I was telling, rather than the way that was least terrifying for me. I don't like having to make this choice...

[BeMyDeputy]

I am a crier. Seriously. Like, I have walked into a room with a tv show or movie on, and within two minutes of me totally ignoring what's going on, the picture+music box began to play super sad "crap someone is going to die" music that brought tears to my eyes. For serious reals. Now, I think that particular example was technically while I wasn't on a good med combo, but still.

Now, what I think sucks isn't the fact that I'm a big crier. No, I come from a family of big criers, so to me this is normal.

What sucks is that when I get upset, I can hear it in my voice. And that makes me more upset. It's an evil positive feedback cycle that makes me cry faster.

How have I learned to handle this? When I get upset, I just stop talking. Mid-sentence. Mid-thought. Mid-crisis. I stop. I stop and I put the words together in my head and keep them there until I can say them out loud without my voice going all cry-inducing.

This is absolutely maddening for the person on the other end. Seriously, every relationship issue that has brought me to or near tears, I have done this. Ever. And my two major relationships: with introverts. Stoic, rarely-crying introverts. I mean, when this happens with my family, they see me crying, or about to cry, and then they cry, and there's hugging. Not to say my partners haven't hugged me or tried to console me when this happens, but when what I'm crying about is that I fucked up or that the other person is justifiably angry or something (not infrequent, since I'm very good at both sticking my foot in my mouth and at feeling guilty), the last thing he wants to do is be comforting. You know, due to that whole 'anger' bit.

I'm engaged now, so I don't exactly anticipate having to teach new girlfriends or boyfriends the skill of dealing with this.

It still sucks.

[Finey_McFine]

All was right in the world until last night. I dropped my laptop...upside down and on the tile floor. I smashed the screen and now it's not running properly. I wasn't too too worried, more pissed at myself than anything else, because it's backed up 2x. Once with Time Machine and once online with Carbonite. Well, of course nothing can go right. Come to find out that Time Machine was turned off (no idea why) and Carbonite hasn't backed properly in a couple months. FML.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

Our internet is a jerrrrrkkkkkkkk. Lately I'm lucky if I can go 5 minutes without it booting me off for at least a few seconds. Annoying!

[Adsum]

Being made to endure a two hour- death by PowerPoint “training session” at work, on top of my work day; and knowing more about much of the subject than those giving the presentation.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

10 page papers. Which is why I'm not working on mine.

[little.hesperides]

Realizing that you're clearly more into someone than they are into you. Dammit.

[BeMyDeputy]

Tried to go see a movie, but the projector had broken. Even though it was the first showing (11:50 am), and there were another four or five scheduled, that meant no movie today, because the theater is lame and only offers lower priced tickets for showings before noon. Like, the 2:00 showings are $12/person, just like the Friday evening showings. We would have gone to see Avengers instead, but I didn't want to deal with the crowd from opening weekend and the inevitable children and teenagers.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

The smelliness of one of my roommate's cats. I had to take a shower tonight because I had spent 5 minutes petting him, and 3 times of washing my hands was not enough to get the smell away. It's not even that strong on him, but it lingers like crazy and it sucks to smell stinky cat on yourself.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

My iron is still too low to donate blood :( It was too low last Sunday, so I started taking vitamins that are high in iron, eating more spinach and beans and pasta and bread than usual, increasing my vitamin C intake to increase my iron absorption, and it was the exact same today. Not even one point higher, despite all of that. Grrrrr! Why does everything high in iron have to be dead animal?! That's the best way to get your iron up, but I've been vegetarian for 7 years and as much as I want to donate I don't want it badly enough to eat meat. Why can't I save a life without having to take one?

[CrazyTaraWitch]

The UK's border agency website. Friday one or two pages were down, Saturday and Sunday have the pages, and today every damn page I've tried won't work. How am I supposed to plan my life if I can't figure out the fracking immigration rules?!??

[Candleshoe]

The UK's border agency website. Friday one or two pages were down, Saturday and Sunday have the pages, and today every damn page I've tried won't work. How am I supposed to plan my life if I can't figure out the fracking immigration rules?!??

Having been through this a few years ago and come out the other end with a civil partner who is right next to me rather than on the other side of the world, I feel your pain. I hope it gets sorted soon.

People at work are annoying me - two in particular. They are both in their late 50's and acting like spoilt 9 year olds.

[little.hesperides]

Waking up and not being able to move your neck without sharp pain. This is going to be a very long day.

[ashcrash71590]

When you have this blah feeling that you just can't shake off and you don't know what to do about it.

[T.G.I.F.]

Well, there is one thing that doesn't suck anymore...

my vacuum cleaner :(

[BeMyDeputy]

When you have this blah feeling that you just can't shake off and you don't know what to do about it.

That's easy to fix. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

[Rachel]

So I can't really be mad about this but it really really sucks. I spent money on plane tickets to go see my girl. Since then, she has started a new job that she really can't take time off of and now, I'm going to be sitting alone at her house for 6 of the 8 days I'll be there. She has really fucked up hours and has to catch a bus like an hour before she has to be to work. I hate it and I'm really pissed about it but it's not like I can tell her to quit her job. ugh.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I have just discovered that my girl and I have very very different standards of accomodation. I guess I should have expected it; her family seems to have money, and she plans to be a doctor, and even though she's never had a paying job she assumes that in a year or two she'll have the money for a trip to Africa. I just assumed that she was picturing all the adventures we plan the same way I was: just us and the wilderness most of the time. I was a little surprised when she wanted to do a guided trip at Mt. Kilimanjaro, but the more I thought about it the more sensible it seemed to not just go ourselves--in fact it may not even be allowed. However when I suggested camping for a night or two before, while we get over jet lag, she countered with a hotel and said it "meets her standards." It looks way nicer than 99% of the places I've stayed, and she said the price "isn't bad" when it's about twice what I normally pay for hotels. She also mentioned guided hikes we could do through the hotel. This is just... not how I picture trips at all, plus the huge expense... She's never lived independently, probably never had a tight budget, so maybe she just doesn't get it, but I can't realistically meet those "standards." And now I'm worried that she'll hate where I live if/when she comes to visit; it's not bad but it's... definitely not nice. It's what I can afford on $9/hour while supporting myself through school. This is the life I can afford. And now I'm scared it won't be good enough for her. And it sucks. I know it won't change how she feels about me, but it might change how she feels about spending time in my world, and it makes me worry we may not be as compatible as I thought. I want our lives to fit together. I think about us sharing a cheap flat when we move to the UK in a few years, cause we'll both be students and I want to live as cheaply as possible, but now I'm worried that she'll want to live in a nice place that'll double my expenses and... God it just sucks. I'm okay with not having nice things, that's what I'm used to. I like to travel, but I know how to do it pretty cheaply, and my day-to-day life is very cheap, and now I learn that the woman I love has "standards" and... it just sucks. And she'll probably think it sucks when she realizes my life doesn't meet those standards. And I don't want to disappoint her, but I also can't change my life or the way I live just so it can be good enough in her eyes.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I know it's dumb, but I can't help worrying a little that my girlfriend doesn't much like a Doctor Who character that I identify with very strongly. I basically see myself as a female version of him, and the fact she's not a fan makes me wonder how much she'll like me in the long run...

[Kessari]

I know it's ridiculous to be upset about this, but politics in football are seriously starting to piss me off...
Seriously, the German national team consits of pretty much one team. And that's Bavaria Munich. Just because they have the money to buy all the good players from other teams and have them sitting on the bench, so they can't play for someone else. And now?!
The players from my favourite team almost never make the national team, but as soon as they transfer to Munich, they do? What the hell?!

[Nue]

Not being strong enough to be there to those who really need me, not being supportive enough :(

[T.G.I.F.]

My best friend and I have this agreement that we will always be honest with each other, and never hold things back.

The last few weeks she is dating someone and she is totally neglecting me. We saw each other almost everyday, and I am wel aware of the fact that things change if one gets in a relationship or something. But I have to contact her EVERYTIME about setting a date for coffee or dinner once a week, she doesn't contact me about it herself. Only when she needs a sitter for her dog, and it's convenient because I am already there. We don't really communicate anymore, and when we do it just ends up in misunderstandings about things or we quarrel.

So I told her a couple of times that it bothers me, that that we live alongside each other more in stead of sharing things that happen in our lifes, you know. But all she says is that I should be glad she is making time to meet me at all, because she is so busy and she wants to see her to-be-girlfriend a lot, and she doesn't want to have this discussion anymore.

So tell me what's the value in this? By being honest and not hold things behind that bother me? She genuinely doesn't seem to care. And it sucks, I thought our friendship was worth more than that. Or am I really unreasonable?

[Kessari]

The UEFA Euro 2012 is seriously starting to upset me. Yesterdays game (Greece vs. Czech Republic) made me angry like no other football game ever before. Fans booing the whole damn game long, malicious fouls (by both teams) and just general disrespect. Seriously?! What's the point in playing at all, if it turns out like this? Makes me want to scream or throw stuff at the tv.

Been looking forward to the Euro since the World Cup two years ago, but never thought it would turn out to be like this....

[T.G.I.F.]

Not to mention the riots between the Polish and Russian supporters yesterday? Like, what was that all about? Grow up!

[Finey_McFine]

We had a horrible storm blow through on Tuesday afternoon. It was nasty...70 mph wind gusts, sideways rain and hail. The power was out for over 7 hours and it looked almost as bad as it did after Hurricane Ike. A lot of trees, especially pines, died as a result of last years drought and and a ton of those trees came down yesterday...across roads, on power lines and on houses. I drove through a neighborhood today and literally about every third house had a 70' pine laying on top of it.

We got lucky with the trees, but a power surge crispy fried my server and I spent the entire day either crawling on the floor tangled in cords or driving all over town trying to get it fixed. Ugh...2012 so far...sux.

[Finey_McFine]

When long term couples break up...especially gay couples. About 12 years ago, my wife and I got involved in a Gay and Lesbian Parents group here in Houston. We became close friends with about eight other couples with kids our daughter's age. Every single couple had been together 4 to 15 years. We went to and hosted parties, did activities together and even vacationed with several couples. Of the nine (including us), only three are still together (including us) and one of those broke up for awhile and then got back together. When they started breaking up, sleeping around and doing other dumb ass things, we separated ourselves from everyone. Which by the way, I think is the main reason we've managed to stay together as long as we have.

It's just sad and today I found out that some friends of ours that were together 10 years (and 2 kids) split, plus my sister and her husband of 15 yrs (also with 2 kids) are on the outs as well. *sighs*

[T.G.I.F.]

I am still waiting for my 'The Breakfast Club' and 'Labyrinth' DVD's that were send like Wednesday. AND I STILL DON'T HAVE THEM! It's getting really annoying. Oh, and my webcam broke...

[Kessari]

Today started so good and now I'm sitting here, listening to damn Coldplay's "Fix You" on repeat with tears in my eyes...

[CrazyTaraWitch]

Having a close friend, who is like a little sister, not contact you the one week she's in town, or even bother to respond when you ask if she's home :( Honestly, we've been friends for well over a decade; if she had other things she wanted to do, couldn't she have just told me? A month ago she randomly texted me one night saying she missed me and felt guilty cause she was watching Gilmore Girls without me, so I put on the same episode she was watching and we watched together, while texting, for hours. We always have fun together, and before she moved away for school she promised that every time she came home to visit we would hang out and watch Gilmore Girls. Now, she came home and didn't even tell me, and I honestly don't know why. I don't know why she wouldn't at least acknowledge that she was in town but couldn't hang out. It hurts.

[sweet satin lover]

I can't find that dress I have been searching hi and low for. :(