by guitar_girl » Wed Nov 16, 2011 5:54 pm
TITLE:: The Other Side
AUTHOR:: guitar_girl
RATING:: PG-13 for right now. It could most definitely work itself into NC-17 at some point down the line. I will give fair warning when/if this happens!
DISCLAIMER:: Willow, Tara and any other BtVS characters, and maybe some scattered dialog, belong to Mutant Enemy. I have added a few original characters from my head that are my own!
SUMMARY:: I am soooooo bad at summarizing! AU and set in the mountains! Willow is in an accident and falls into a coma. Tara, Willow's best friend since middle school, is the only one that she can communicate with. Can Willow's love for Tara bring her back or is she lost to the other side forever?
FEEDBACK:: Yes please! I want brutal honesty! The more feedback the better!
AUTHOR’S NOTE:: Big thanks to my Beta ExtraFlamey for putting up with my sorry butt! Without him, I wouldn't have gotten this far! Thanks if you are reading this!!
Chapter 7
“Wow, when I woke up this morning, this is not where I expected to be tonight.” I said as we entered her house. It was her grandma’s old home before she passed away a few years earlier. She had really fixed it up and redone the whole thing and it looked nothing like the old house that I remembered when we were kids.
I followed her through the house and into her bedroom. Her bedroom had always been spectacular and beautiful. Her black walls were accented with fairy lights all around the room. There was a large black vase that held huge white feathers. In the center of the room was a four poster bed, covered with a soft, white, down comforter. There was a beautiful black table lamp that sat beside her bed and a few more small lights. There was an overhead light, but it was never turned on, leaving the room with a mysterious glow.
“Me either. Well I mean I didn’t think this is where you would be, especially not when I figured out that you were leaving.” Tara said, looking down at her feet.
“Tara, I can’t apologize enough for what I said at the airport. I was stupid.” I said as she looked into the thin air where I was supposed to be. Love makes you do the wacky and I was really wacky today!
“Willow, it's okay. Let’s just forget about it, please. Today has been a rough one.” she said, letting out a sigh at the end of the sentence and running a hand through her unkempt hair.
“No, it’s not okay. I was a real asshole; I know it and you know it too. You just don’t want to say anything because I am, well, in a coma, and all ghost like, but I still deserve it. I hurt you, Tara. I would do anything to take it back. I would do anything to make things the way that they were twenty-four hours ago. It is amazing how much things can change in just one day.” I said wishing that I could fix everything but knowing that it was impossible.
“Willow, I love you and I forgive you. I know you, and I know what you did was what you always do when you try to make people leave you alone. I was stupid for falling for it. I am the one who should apologize for even thinking for a minute that you could mean any of that. There is one thing that I have to ask you though. What feelings were you talking about? And what exactly happened between us at the hospital today?” she asked me point blank.
My stomach was doing back flips. What was I going to say to her? How were we going to talk about the kiss that almost happened? I was so sure that I was going to tell her at the hospital. Could I tell her now? What was stopping me this time? I didn’t want her to leave me; I was scared that she would run for the door when I told her what I felt for her. I couldn’t handle her not being in my life or afterlife. I had to push through it all and just tell her.
“First, Tara, you have nothing to apologize for. I was an extra big poop head because I knew that I had to hurt you so badly that you couldn’t see through what I was doing. My feelings for you are well…complicated.” I responded gathering the courage inside to tell her how I really felt because this could be my last chance. “There is more…but I’m not really sure how to say it.” I squeaked out as my courage faltered just a bit. I never thought that I, Willow Rosenberg, could be speechless.
“You know that I would never hurt you. You are my best friend, and I love you, but sometimes you can be a real idiot, Willow Rosenberg. You also know that you can tell me anything.” she said smiling in the direction that she thought that I was standing.
“I know! This is just hard, it lays a lot out on the line for me and I stand a chance of losing you forever and I really can’t take that chance. I need you Tara. I couldn’t lose you. It is just there are things that I want to say but every time I try I end up choking on my own words, my mouth goes dry, and my palms get all sweaty and gross. I want to tell you more than anything, but I want to keep it from you more than anything also. It’s just not a good situation for me at all. It’s just…complicated.” I let out in a huff. I was babbling and I tried my hardest to tell her, to scream I love you as loud as I could, but I just couldn’t get the words out.
“Willow, you will never lose me. There is absolutely nothing you could say that would make me leave you. You hear me, nothing.” She had a firm tone in her voice and a resolute look in her eyes.
“Well it has everything to do with what happened at the hospital this evening, Tara.” My heart was racing, hopefully she would pick it up and I wouldn’t have to go into details on how I felt about her. With any luck she wouldn’t hate me.
“What do you think happened tonight?” Tara asked as the firmness in her voice faded and her resolute eyes went soft as she looked away from the sound of my voice. Her hair drew around her face protecting her from the world and my eyes. I knew that look well. She was insecure and afraid of what I was going to say.
An ember of hope, that had almost been extinguished not even twenty four hours ago, ignited every inch of me, feeling even the smallest crevice. I entertained the thought that maybe; just maybe she felt the same as I did. Maybe she wanted to kiss me just as much as I wanted to kiss her. I took in a deep breath of determination.
“I almost got my wish.” I tried to keep my voice even and strong as I continued. “I almost got the one thing that I have wanted since the first moment I saw you sitting there at that black table in Mr. Tate’s class, with your blonde hair hiding the most gorgeous blue eyes I have ever seen before. I loved your lovable stutter when I said ‘hi.’” I felt happy tears start to form in my eyes and my voice began to quiver at the memory of the first time I had meet her. I had to continue though, to let her know how I felt. “Your adorable sweat shirt that hid you and your beautiful body, I knew right then what I wanted even if it scared me more than anything else had ever scared me in my life. Not because I had feelings for a girl, but because I knew this girl, you, took something that I could never get back. You took the other half of my soul, my heart. I knew that no matter what I wouldn’t want it back and even if I did I couldn’t get it. You have it Tara, and from that moment you had a power over me that no one else has or ever will have.” My voice was wavering and meek sounding, but it also had a strength that I had never possessed before. The look in Tara’s eyes became yielding and soft as she sat down on her bed. I didn’t know what to think so I closed my eyes and made myself continue. “You have the power to break my heart into so many pieces that it can never be put back together again and hurt me like no one else in this world can, or you have the power to mend me, make me whole, and love me like I can never be loved by anyone else. I wanted you that moment and every moment since.” My voice had gained more strength by the end and I decided to open up my eyes and say the last part. I had to finish what I had started. I looked into those eyes that had held me prisoner for years and saw tears, so with an unyielding voice I continued. “So what happened tonight almost fulfilled my wish. We almost kissed, Tara.”
We just sat there in silence for a moment. I was looking at her and she was looking in the spot where she thought that I should be. Mostly staring at the wall behind me, but every once and a while it seemed as if she could see straight into my eyes and my soul , leaving me feeling naked and bashful.
She had tears streaming down her face and I just wanted to reach over and although I knew I couldn’t really touch her, I wanted to at least try and comfort her with my energy. She hadn’t said anything though so I figured I should keep my distance until she figured out what she wanted. I decided to break our unbearable silence.
“I didn’t plan on telling you like this. I wanted it to be perfect and, you know, I had a plan. I had a lot of plans actually. You know, different ways to tell you I love you. They were all romantic and cute and some involved picnics, others involved wine and candles. I had all kinds of notes written in different colored pens and everything.” I looked down at the bed that I was standing beside of remembering the different plans I had and how I always found a reason not to do them. Sorrow filled me as I realized any plan was better than this one. “I had all kinds of plans. In every single one of them you could actually see me, I really didn’t think this far ahead.” I sat there waiting for an answer, for anything really.
Finally, Tara’s mouth started to move but no sound was escaping her lips. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and dripping off her chin to soak into the puffy, white comforter beneath her. She looked down to where her tears were falling and took a deep shaky breath.
“Willow, do you really feel that way?” she asked softly with precariousness in her voice.
“Tara, I feel that way and so much more than I will ever be able to actually explain. The one thing that has amazed me throughout the years is my feelings have never faded. They have only gotten stronger…no matter how hard I tried not to love you, I couldn’t stop. So yes that is how I really feel. I love you.”
“How come you never told me before?” I could see the wheels turning in her head.
“I didn’t want to lose you. I was afraid if you knew how I felt about me you would hate me.” I said softly, barely above a whisper and lowered my head to stare at the white carpet that was suddenly very interesting.
“Well you know what, Willow, you're right. I kind of hate you right now.” My heart broke for a second before I realized the tone in her voice wasn’t filled with revulsion or disgust, but with a loving, playful tone.
Could this really be happening? Were my ears playing tricks on me? I was afraid to look at her just in case my ears were deceiving me. I had to look at her though to hear what she had to say, so I lifted my head to look at her as she began talking to me again.
“I hate you because I really want to kiss you right now, but I can’t.” Her cute half smile was gracing her lips.
“Really!?” I questioned too shocked to really say anything else. “Cause you were all with the crying and the tears a few minutes ago and well, I thought…”
“Willow Rosenberg, I love you. I always have.” she said as her face lit up with a glow that made me shiver.
“Great, now I hate me too. This isn’t a joke is it, or a dream, or even heaven?” I said still not quite believing the words coming out of her mouth.
She loved me too. She said that she had always loved me, why hadn’t I told her earlier? If I had none of this would be happening and we would be happy together right now. I really did hate myself for not telling her sooner.
“Willow, this is real. I love you with all my heart. I always have, since that first time you came up to me in Mr. Tate’s class with your quirky outfit on, that fluffy, pink shirt with flowers all over it, and your over-active Willow babble. You saw me sitting there alone and came to save me."
“I will always save you.” I whispered as I walked forward toward her bed reaching out with my transparent hand to caress her cheek. She leaned into the touch and placed her hand over the place I was touching, fusing our hands together.
“I know.” Tara said simply as she closed her eyes.
“I want just to wrap you in my arms right now. I always wanted to kiss the spot right on the back of neck that gets so sensitive when I play with it.” I said trailing my hand from her cheek back around to her neck and tried to play with the hairs there where I use to give her cold chills.
“Willow” she breathed out my name so soft I almost didn’t hear her.
“Goddess, Tara, I would do anything to be able to kiss you right now.” I said leaning down next her and planting my lips on her cheek trying my hardest to make contact. The contact made my head swim with glee and caused my ghostly body to tingle all over.
“It won’t be long. We just have to be patient.” Tara whispered thickly as she turned her head toward the kiss. Her usually temperate blue eyes were wild and smoldering. I felt my stomach doing a happy dance because I was doing this to her - and I couldn’t even describe what she was doing to me. I had waited ten years for this moment and I couldn’t even celebrate by kissing her properly. Our lips were only a centimeter apart but it might as well have been miles because the distance between us couldn’t be closed until sunset tomorrow.
“You should really get some rest, Tara; it’s been a long, long day.” I said breaking away from the astonishingly anguished position that we were holding.
“Yeah…I guess I should.” she responded slowly. “Just make yourself comfortable on the bed and I will go and get ready.” She went into the bathroom leaving me alone.
“Yeah, okay, how in the hell do I get on this damn bed?” I said to myself looking at the bed like it was my sworn enemy. I guess I'll just have to try it. I walked over to it and sat down on the side without my incorporeal ass falling through it. “Okay, so now I just need to fall back.”
I fell back on to the bed and brought my legs up. Success! It wasn’t like I was actually laying on the bed but more like hovering over it. I made no indention or really anything. I was floating just above the bed. I guess it was the same way with the floor. I must just hover, like a helicopter. This was way too creepy to think about.
“Are you in bed?” Tara asked as she came out of the bathroom. My imaginary heart started to hammer in my chest. She was wearing a dark blue cami without a bra and some intolerably short shorts. If I wasn’t already a spirit then I would have gone into cardiac arrest on the spot.
“Yes!” I yelped as my voice cracked. Apparently even a ghost can get turned on.
“Are you okay? What’s wrong?” She flipped the light switch off but I could still see her in the dark. She rushed over to the bed and was looking at it worriedly like I had broken a leg or something and she was trying to find it.
“NOTHING!” I said as my voice went high pitched again. “I mean nothing. I just had some trouble getting into this damn bed.” I said, fixing my voice and lying to her again. She then pulled down the covers and got into bed with me.
My body was on fire. I could feel her warmth next to me and I wanted to just jump inside of her body to see if I could soak her in. This was going to be an interesting night. I was never going to be able to sleep even if I was capable of it.
“Oh hahaha. I bet that would have been entertaining to watch.” she said, giggling.
“Yea, make fun of the ghost. I see how it is. Just because you can’t see us doesn’t mean we don’t have emotions.” I said, feigning being hurt by her words. She chuckled a little before responding.
“Willow, I really don’t like thinking of you as a ghost. It makes it seem like you are really gone. I would rather think of you as an angel.”
“I already told you. I am your guardian angel.” I told her seriously.
“Well don’t call yourself a ghost anymore. You are my angel, you hear me Willow?” she said, responding equally as serious as I was.
“Yes ma'am!” I answered trying to ease the tension. “You need to get some sleep now, Ms. Maclay. It's been a long day.”
“I don’t want to go to sleep.” she told me as she tried to suppress a yawn.
“Why not? I think your body is trying to tell you otherwise.” I said giggling.
“I am afraid when I wake up in the morning that you won’t be here.” she said turning the conversation serious again.
“I’m not going anywhere. I will be right here when you wake up.” I said reaching out my hand and running it over her arm. Even though I couldn’t physically touch her she could feel my presence and I could feel her warmth.
“Promise?” she asked looking down at her arm.
“I promise I am not going anywhere. I will be here when you wake up in the morning, okay?” I stopped the motions on her arm and my hand hovered over her cheek waiting for an answer.
“Okay, but you'd better be.” she said leaning into my absent touch.
“Now it is time for you to rest. It has been a long day for everyone.” I said again as I watched her crawl more under the covers and wishing I could pull them tighter around her.
I settled for the closest that I could get to a protective kiss on her forehead. I knew that my lips wouldn’t connect with her head but I could tell when I was there. I just kissed the spot right above her nose and leaned back over to my side. I saw her face and I knew that my efforts weren’t in vain.
“You kissed me again. My head feels so light. Does it feel different for you?” she asked closing her eyes and laying her head on the pillow. Her smile could light up the entire room.
“It feels different for me too. The warmth that I feel when I touch you is intensified and my lips have a weird tingling sensation that kind of hums.” I said honestly. I didn’t know how else to answer.
“It is a really weird feeling. Good weird. I’ve never been kissed by an angel before.” she giggled. I lost my speech momentarily and I was trying to think of a cute comeback. Before I had a chance to respond she throttled my reply. “Goodnight, Willow.”
“Goodnight, Tara. I will see you in the morning.” I said, satisfied with my response and then I turned towards her and watched her fall into a deep sleep.
********************************************************
Turns out I can’t sleep. An hour later and I still felt my body humming with energy. I spent my whole life wishing that I didn’t have to go to sleep and now I had my wish. The only downfall was that I couldn’t do any of the things that I wanted to do when I was sleeping. The only thing I could do now was watch Tara sleep; which, now that I think about it, is much better than any of the other stuff that I had originally wanted to do in a world with no sleep anyway.
I laid there for a couple more hours just watching her sleep. She was absolutely breathtaking and if I had needed to breathe anymore then I would have definitely have passed out already from the lack of oxygen. She looked like a totally different Tara than the one who had been at the hospital all day. She looked peaceful now, instead of looking like she could crumple at any moment. Her hair that had been previously matted to her face was now flowing freely around it and covered one of her mesmerizing eyes as she lay there. Her breathing caused her chest to rise and fall continuously in a steady rhythm that in my human life would have put me to sleep instantly had I just laid there and listened to it.
If I had been alive then I would have reached out and pulled her body close to mine while we slept. I had always been a cuddler, and especially with Tara. In high school we always ended up intertwined when we slept. Our breathing would sync and we were like one person, rising and falling together like night and day, always in synchronicity but completely two distinct entities. I wanted to pull her to me and bury my face in those soft locks, but I couldn’t. So I just laid there and watched her. It was going to be sunrise soon and I couldn’t help but wonder if she had to work today.
Even though I wanted to spend more time with her she couldn’t just drop her life and stay with me forever. I could practice my overall ghostliness while she was working. There were a lot of other things that I needed to figure out for myself. Besides, if I really wanted to I could go with her to work, but that may be a little weird. She couldn’t talk to me at work or her students would think she was crazy.
She was an art teacher at our old high school. It had been her dream every since I met her to become a teacher, and I believe she was born to do it. She was always teaching something; even in high school she basically taught our art class. She never looked happier than when she was showing someone how to do something and they got it. She loved her job and was living her dream and I was so happy for her even if I could never live my dream.
I was lost in thought about what I was going to do the next day when I felt a weird sensation. I had felt it earlier at the hospital but then I didn’t know what it was. Now I knew what was coming and I had to stop myself from letting out a giddy scream.
I felt the sun's first rays hit the bed where I lay with Tara, and I began to feel myself take form. My legs felt the soft support of the bed underneath them and it ran up my entire being. I slowly felt the bed shaping around my body and I reached out my hand to touch Tara. As I was reaching out I almost fainted from what I saw.
I felt the sensation running through my arm and I almost didn’t believe what I was seeing. The miraculous glow of the sun touched my elbow and it instantly went from being translucent to opaque right in from of my eyes. I watched in amazement until my whole body was bathed in the sun that poured in though the window. My whole body had an orange-red glow from the sun’s colors.
This time when I reached out to Tara I didn’t stop myself, and I held my breath until my fingers slid lightly across her cheek. I just wanted her to wake up and see the miracle that was unfolding in front of us. Her eyes fluttered as I began to move her hair out of her face. When she looked up and saw me laying there beside her, her whole demeanor changed in a flash.
The look of sleepiness was gone replaced with pure excitement. I sat there with a huge smile on my face. I felt my tongue starting to try and poke through my teeth. I must have looked goofy just laying there smiling the brightest smile I could, waiting on her to break the silence and say something. As usual though I broke first into a full on babble.
“Tara look, I’m me again! Well, I actually don’t think I am me, me, because I am still at the hospital. I am real though! I can touch things and touch you! Oh gah, not in a dirty way! I’m sorry I am a gutter head, please ignore me!” I heard a giggle from her and I couldn’t help but keep talking at speeds that would intimidate most anybody. “Anyway, I was just laying here and wham! I felt this weird sensation start over me like it had in the hospital, but I hadn’t really paid that much attention at the hospital because how was I suppose to know what in the hell it was, but when I felt it this time I just kind of knew, ya know? Well it…” I stopped my thoughts abruptly when I felt a body slam against mine and pin me to the bed.
“Willow, I love you but shut up. Could you just be kissing me now?” she said in a playful tone as she scooted on top of me and I wrapped my arms around her.
“Yes, Ma’am!” I said as I shut words off completely.
We sat there for a moment just drinking each other in completely. I wanted to memorize this moment, every detail. Everything I see and everything I felt. She was the most gorgeous thing that I had ever seen in my life. Her long loose tendrils of brown hair fell loose around us both creating a drape hiding us from the world. She had her heart melting, half smile that always turned me into a puddle, plastered across her face. Her sapphire eyes were ablaze with a passion that I had seen only the night before.
Her navy cami was disheveled and pulled across her full breasts, leaving little to my imagination. Her shorts were pushed up just a little bit more up her legs, from where she crawled on top of me, making them look like white fleece underwear instead.
One of her hands was placed right in the middle of my chest just above my breasts. The other was on the bed beside my shoulder, supporting some of her weight. Her long smooth legs had intertwined with mine and she hooked her right foot around my left ankle.
She felt amazing pressed against me. I held her against me as tight as I could afraid to let go, afraid that she would drift away forever if I did. The palm of my right hand found the silkiness of her shoulder blade, while my left hand found the nape of her neck.
Her left foot was dragging slowly up and down my leg, sending cold chills all over my body and making me bite back a moan. One of her smooth legs found a purchase between mine and I had to resist the urge to push up against in to relieve some of the tension that was building inside me.
Her hand that was resting on my sternum began to rub small circles on my chest. It was making my heart pound faster and harder than the rapid beat of a conga drum. As a result my breath was beginning to labor just a bit as excitement built up inside of me.
I felt her breathing beginning to mirror mine. Her breath was hot against my lips, making me lick them in anticipation of what was to come. Just another inch and I could take refuge in the sweet haven that was her lips. I saw her close her eyes in anticipation of what was about to happen. I shut my eyes as well and began to feel everything else with a hyper sensitivity.
The feel of her foot seeking out and finding the skin of my leg underneath my clothes, my heartbeat threatening to break through my chest, and labored breathing sizzling against my lips which were now just a fraction closer to hers, all these feelings were raging through me, as I pulled her in closer with my hand. We were so close to bridging the gap between us that had existed for so long and unite as I always knew that we were meant to do.
Finally, I felt the suppleness of her full lips faintly brush against my own. It gave me the same relief as a cool breeze on a hot summer day. It was soft, exploratory, and filled with love and enslaved passion. It was just barely a brush, but it was the most remarkable sensation that I had ever experienced in my life. The next brush of our lips was just a bit firmer, a somewhat more sure, but still caging our passion that we held deep within.
It was an incredible torment. I just wanted to break loose and kiss her with unadulterated fervor, but we both needed soft and slow first. I moved my hand from the nape of her neck to cup her cheek as I pulled her down just a bit harder against me.
This time instead of just brushing our lips I sucked her divine bottom lip between my lips and sucked just a little. I heard a moan of approval and I let go to start the delicious dance all over again.
Pleasure was coursing through my body and made my skin tingle from head to toe. I almost didn’t feel the light begin to leave my skin. I wanted to scream and cry and throw a temper tantrum, but none of it would do me any good. Instead, I tried to drink as much of Tara’s warmth up as I could before I disappeared back into the cold.
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, not touched.
But are felt in the heart.
Helen Keller
I liked their conversation, but Tara still isn't getting it; the true meaning of Willow saying that see loves her. Me thinks that Willow needs to say that she's in love with her for it to sink in. Why does Willow think that Tara doesn't share those feelings as well? 
? But, I would want their first time together to actually be while they are both in corporeal form...can't wait for more...
hehehe
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Well, that was bitter sweet. You can just feel the love our girls have for each other. This story is very sweet. But, to tease us with the almost kiss?.... 
your a mean one misses grinch!
Boy did these two waste a lot of time wondering, lol. At least now they know and can move forward as soon as Willow wakes the F up! So happy that they can be together at least twice a day now...even if it's only for a few minutes:) 
!! What a beautiful first 
