Feedback is golden, thank you for reading!
Title: How I Met Your Mother*
Author: Ariel
Email:
blaziak@yahoo.com Feedback: All feedback welcomed, specific input appreciated, harsh on me via PM
Rating: PG-13 strong language, light W/T love
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, but I love to take them for a ride!
Summary: A/U before season 1, the summer after Willow's freshman year with a large dose of Queen Cordelia at her bitchy best and teen-aged angst, growing more serious.
Angst Rating: 6 out of 10 – no lives endangered but some real pain
Note: The scenes about Tara confiding in Willow took on a life of their own and didn’t fit any kind of standard format for the size of a post. So I did them in three posts over eight days and this is the last of the three – so I’ll get back to a less crazy posting schedule, say every 6 – 8 days. You guys have been GREAT with the feedback. I’m drawing on both personal experience and imagination to write about the abuse part, so your support has been deeply appreciated. 
So many of you reach out with love in a lot of ways – this is a great community! Thanks for what you do and say!
Thoughts are in italics*not related to the sit-com of the same name
Part 46: Magic Then Faith looked up, her mouth working and her eyes dilated with fear before she dropped her face onto Tara’s shoulder and clung to her, shuddering. Tara closed her eyes and held Faith even tighter, patting her back but knowing enough to stay silent.
A long moment passed. Then they moved apart and lurched to their feet. Faith stared down at the ground, “Tara. “
Tara touched her shoulder gently and Faith met her eyes, looking oddly vulnerable in the fading light. “Tara,” she said again.
But Tara shook her head slightly and Faith released a pent up breath. There was understanding between them and they walked back together in silence.
*************************************************
Mrs. Finch was waiting on the porch and thrust Faith’s apron and hairnet at her. “Faith, you’re late! You know how Mrs. Ellyson hates having to serve. Put these on and get going!”
Faith nodded wordlessly and threw her apron over her neck while Tara tied the back. Then the hairnet went on and Faith stood behind the serving table.
A moment later, Tara made a final attempt at a calming breath and began the long walk over to their table.
“Tara!” Bettina ran over and gave her a big hug, “I missed you!”
Tara smiled and returned the little girl’s hug then walked slowly over to their table.
Towanda stared at Tara’s face, “Who scratched you?”
Tara caught Veronica, looking anxiously up at her, and swallowed. “I m-must’ve f-fallen onto some thorn bushes.”
Willow stared at her, disbelief plain on her face, and Tara stepped back.
“W-willow, why don’t I s-sit with the twelves, since Carly and M-mary aren’t back.”
Willow met her eyes, the hurt plain on her face, and nodded.
Bettina picked up her plate, “I don’t care where you sit. I’m gonna sit right by you!” Then she followed Tara over to the other table and squished in happily by her side.
For their part, the twelves were already in the midst of several conversations. They greeted Tara, added suggestions for the long rides, and happily discussed softball and horses for the rest of dinner. Tara was relieved that she didn’t need to talk much and cuddled Bettina, grateful for the little girl’s comforting warmth.
After dinner the girls decided to join the games of catch and freeze tag while the twelves elected to sit on the dining hall porch to watch, some joining in when they thought that no one else was looking.
Tara was out on the porch sitting with Bettina by her side, when Willow walked over. “Tara, we need to talk.”
Tara swallowed, “W-what about?”
“You know.” She looked at Bettina, “Go play with the other kids, okay?”
Bettina thrust her lower lip out. “I don’t wanna!”
Tara looked between the two of them and managed a smile for the little girl. “W-we have camp business and that’s big girl stuff. I’ll come and l-look you when we’re done.”
Bettina thought it over, “okay!” She frowned for a minute then grinned and ran off to play freeze tag.
Willow sat nervously beside Tara and the few inches of air between their bodies felt icy and painful against her skin. “Are you mad at me, Tara?”
Tara turned, her eyes wide. “I’m not m-mad at you, W-willow!”
Willow looked down at the ground. “You yelled at me.”
Tara reached a shaking hand out to Willow and Willow clasped it eagerly in both of hers. “I’m sorry I y-yelled.”
Willow looked up at Tara and scooted closer till they were pressed side by side, warming each other again, then she saw Tara bend her neck and hide behind the shining curtain of her hair.
“Tara, you’re crying.”
“You’re h-holding my hand.”
Willow let go instantly.
“No,” Tara whispered, “H-happy tears. I l-like it when you hold me.”
Willow felt her throat constrict. “So Jesse and Xander were talking about how to get your arm around a girl.”
“H-how?”
“First you pretend you’re tired and go all yawn-y and stretch your arms up.”
Tara still hid, but Willow could hear a smile in her voice, “Then what?”
“I’ll just uh kind of be demonstration-gal. Then you bring them back down and one kind of slips around the girl’s waist.” She slid an arm around Tara, “Like this.”
Tara’s head lifted, “oh?”
“And you pull her close,” Willow’s voice was a warm whisper, “Because you like her.”
Tara snuggled closer, “And if she l-likes you, too, then m-maybe she puts her head on your sh-shoulder.”
Suddenly Willow’s arms went around Tara and she held her tightly. “I thought I’d lost you back there, that you hated me.”
Tara buried her face in Willow’s shoulder, her voice muffled by tears. “I could n-never hate you, Willow. I l-love you. I pushed you away because I thought you h-had to hate me when you saw my evil s-side come out.
“You’re not evil!” Then Willow’s voice softened and she began to run her fingers through Tara’s hair. “Tell me what happened back there.”
“Please, not r-right now. Let me be h-here where it’s w-warm and nice.” She met Willow’s eyes, “Please?” she whispered.
Willow swallowed and held her close. “I’ll hold you right here, baby. I’ll hold you for as long as you want.”
Tara snuggled in, crying silently with relief at being in Willow’s arms again.
*************************************************
Towanda glanced over and tapped Lisa on the shoulder, “Look. Tara is still crying. We better do it tonight.”
Lisa nodded.
Towanda called for attention, “Okay, let’s all go to the bathroom.”
Mouse looked surprised, “But I don’t have to go potty.”
Devola slunk over and took elaborate care to scan the area for enemy spies before saying, “Yes you do. Sssssh! Top secret magic mission, come on!”
Mouse’s eyes widened and she followed the other curious girls to the spot behind the bathroom.
Towanda spoke first, “A while back Tara was in trouble, under a spell or something.”
The girls nodded.
“Well, it came back.”
They nodded agreement.
“Lisa figured out how to break the spell. Go ahead.”
Lisa walked over and stood next to Towanda. She beckoned them in and they crammed into a tight circle, tense and excited. Lisa leaned in, “Tonight,” she said solemnly, “We have to sneak out and ride Midnight at midnight.”
Connie looked nervous, “Um, why do we have to do that?”
There was no doubting Lisa’s confidence, “Because midnight is right between day and night which is magic. And riding Midnight at midnight is kind of double magic. Besides, the moon is almost full and that’s magic, too.”
Devola was grinning with excitement. “Wow! Maybe we’ll see some werewolves and vampires!”
Mouse’s eyes looked big enough to fall out of her head and she huddled next to Veronica.
Veronica looked down at her little friend and slid an arm across her shoulders. “Does Mouse have to go?”
Lisa thought it over, “It’s better if we all do it, but she can stay behind I guess. She’s little so maybe she doesn’t have as much magic.”
“I do, too!” Mouse stamped her foot, “And I’m not staying all by myself!”
Towanda took charge. “Okay, then we all go. So how do we sneak out?”
Mouse smiled, “Go on tippy-tippy toes?”
Towanda shook her head, “No, we can’t all walk through their room without them noticing.”
Devola jumped in, “Slash open the screens!”
Connie shot her a look, “Just take ‘em off. I saw Mr. Macready do it with a screw driver.” She looked around, “Anybody got one?”
Towanda grinned, “Right inside my girl scout pocket knife!” She beckoned them even closer. “Veronica, set your watch for about 20 minutes ahead of midnight. Everybody, lay out your clothes and hide ‘em under your bed, put socks in your shoes so you don’t have to open your dresser.
Devola’s eyes were snapping with excitement. “This is a deadly top secret mission and if the Finch-Monster catches us,” she drew a finger across her throat, “we’re done for.” She looked hard at each girl, “So do it right!”
Towanda rolled her eyes. “Just don’t scream when someone wakes you up tonight, okay?”
Devola nodded. “Right. Now everyone act casual when we go back so they don’t suspect anything.”
“What’s that?” Mouse asked.
Devola resented the loss of the mood. “Just act normal!”
Connie looked right back at her, “Ha! Never happen with you, Devola!”
Devola stepped closer until she was almost touching foreheads with Connie and made her voice low and creepy. “I’ll see you at midnight, Connie.” Then she slunk off once again, happily imagining that she melted silently into the darkness just like Indigo Kane, Secret Agent while Connie shrugged, rolled her eyes, and grinned in spite of herself.
*************************************************
Cabin time was a mixture of odd hilarity and a strange sense of tension. Tara sat surrounded by campers while Willow began reading one of Tara’s favorite books,
The Changeling by Zilpha Keatley Snyder. After the first chapter, talk turned to the upcoming softball game.
“Okay!” Devola jumped to her feet, “I’ve been working on a bunch of cheers that you guys gave me, so listen okay?” She walked into the middle of the room, took a deep breath and chanted, “Devastate and dominate, we’ll blow you away! The Reds team is #1 and we are here to stay!” She grinned as Tara and Willow applauded. “Okay, then this, “Here we come again. The Reds are moving in. 1 – 2 – 3 begin, time for us to win!” She acknowledged the applause and said, “This one is the one we use when we march in under the banner. So, look, I say the first line, then you all say it after me, okay?”
The girls nodded and Devola led off confidently and marched in place.
“We are the Reds.”
“We are the Reds.”
“The mighty, mighty Reds.”
“The mighty, mighty Reds.”
“Everywhere we go.”
“Everywhere we go.”
“People want to know.”
“People want to know.”
“Who we are.”
“Who we are.”
“So we tell them.”
“So we tell them.”
Devola grinned, “Then it goes back to ‘We are the Reds’ again. What do you think?” The girls were bouncing in their chairs, excited by the rhythm and power of the chant.
Towanda nodded. “Yeah, lots of teams know that one but it still sounds good. We can definitely march in with it.”
Willow checked her watch. “Okay, last bathroom trip and bed time. Come on.” They marched out together, whisper-singing their latest cheer and getting themselves ready for the adventure ahead.
*************************************************
Willow turned to turned to Tara and attempted an amorous leer and a bad French accent, “Alone at last, my dah-ling. Come weeth me to the Cas-bah!”
Tara giggled softly, “You s-sound like Pepe LePew that French skunk in the old Warner Brothers cartoons.
Willow threw her hands up in the air, “’French skunk’? So much for my attempt at suave-ness!” Then she sat on their bed and patted a place beside her and waited until Tara sat. Then she met Tara’s eyes, all traces of humor gone from her face.
“Tara, what happened?”
“What do you m-mean?”
“What do you mean, ‘what do you mean’? You yelled at me, told me you were evil and I saw the blood on your face from that scratch. Something happened. What was it?”
Tara’s mouth opened. Then Willow took her hand as she struggled for words. “Tara, it’s ok. Take a breath. So tell me who scratched you.”
“I f-fell and—“
Willow’s was hurt, “Tara, don’t lie to me.”
“L-like I said, I—“
“I can’t drive a car. I’m not the program leader, but I’m not stupid, Tara! I’ve been all with the candor. I’ve told you everything about myself and then I have to sit here listening to you lie to me.” Willow swallowed then looked up. “We won’t have anything if you won’t trust me.”
“Cordelia.” Tara stared, horrified as Willow’s face flushed then went white with anger. “It w-was an accident. She didn’t m-mean to scratch me!”
Willow’s voice was flat, “What did she mean, then?”
“Sh-she just meant to slap me, that’s all, but her nail caught on my cheek by accident.”
Willow struggled to control her voice, “Why did she slap you?”
“Well, we uh disagreed.”
Willow stood up. “I’m talking to Mrs. Finch, she’s getting fired tonight!” Willow walked towards the door but Tara stood in front of her.
“No! It’s h-her w-word against mine and no one w-would believe me. Th-then she’ll really go after me.”
“Tara, please! Just stand up for yourself! Don’t just lay down like a doormat and let her walk all over you!”
Tara flushed, “I’m n-not a doormat! But I’m the one who got h-hit and it’s my choice.”
“She broke the law,” Willow said stubbornly. “It was assault and battery and it says right in that stupid camp manual that it’s a firing offense.” She kicked furiously at the leg of their bed and succeeded in stubbing her toe and hopping up and down in pain for a few moments. “This is all my fault! I should have reported her that day she pushed me and threatened Carly – we had a cabin full of witnesses then!”
Tara stood and her eyes were steely blue. “I’m s-serious, Willow. I don’t w-want you r-reporting her. It’s only going to come back on me or on the kids if you do.”
Willow stared into her eyes. “I told you, this is evil. Doing nothing, looking the other way. How can you do this?”
Tara looked sadly back at her lover, “I’m evil, W-willow. I already told you that.” Then without another word she climbed into the spare cot by herself, leaving their bed for Willow.
Willow jerked her clothing off and jammed it into her drawers without any attempt to fold or organize it. She climbed into bed, feeling as if she was sleeping on an iceberg without Tara’s warm softness to press against her. She swallowed, feeling her throat burn with unshed tears, but was determined not to give in and subject herself to any more lies or disrespect. The whole interlude had the quality of a nightmare.
*************************************************
Veronica’s watch alarm began beeping and she shut if off at once. She stole out of bed and climbed the ladder to Mouse’s bunk and woke the little girl gently while other girls were quietly putting on their clothes.
There were a few whispers, a gasp when Bettina stepped on Debbie’s foot and Towanda had trouble pulling out the screwdriver blade of her knife without being able to see; but finally it was out and glinting faintly silver in the scrap of moonlight peeping in under the curtain.
Towanda fumbled at the screen then felt Connie’s breath against her shoulder. “Here, give me that thing,” she hissed and took the screwdriver from Towanda’s hand. Then she popped the screen off and the girls began climbing out through the window. Towanda and Connie plopped awkwardly onto the ground until Devola lugged a chair by the window to make the climb easier. Getting Mouse out was a two girl operation with Bettina lifting the little girl over the sill and Towanda and Lisa easing her down.
Suddenly they were all outside. They looked around. Everything was different. Shadows twisted and seemed to flow along the ground in search of prey. The walked very close together, frequently stumbling into each other, but no one suggested moving apart except Devola who loved dashing ahead and peering around buildings and giving an ‘all clear’ sign for them to follow.
*************************************************
Willow and Tara both jerked upright in their respective beds. “Tara? Did you hear something?”
“I w-was going to ask you the same question.”
Without another word the two girls slipped into the girls’ room only to see the moonlight shining on a chair seat and the wind blowing the curtains.
They stared at each other, united in absolute terror that their kids were in trouble. They raced back, threw on clothes in under a minute, grabbed a flashlight and headed outside to search the grounds.
*************************************************
“There! He’s saddled.” Lisa wiped the sweat from her brow. “I’ll lead him out.” She looked at her cabin mates, almost all in various states of paralyzed fear and tried to grin, “All we have to do is walk him once around the corral for each person. He’s a good horse. It’ll be okay.”
Towanda nodded, “I’ll go first.”
Lisa led Midnight to the mounting block and Towanda climbed up. Her breath caught, somehow the dark ground seemed a lot farther away than it did in daylight. She clenched her jaw and swung up on Midnight and caught the reins in her hands. She clucked to Midnight and the big gelding moved under her, the moonlight shining on the glossy black hide like the shadows racing along the ground after them. Towanda caught her breath again, relieved that the ride was over and decided she had better stay on the mounting block to help the others.
Bettina was nervous and almost fell over the other side, but Towanda caught her arm. Her breathing was ragged, but she tightened her legs around Midnight.
I love Tara and Tara needs me. I love Tara and Tara needs me. She made it around the corral, pleased that it wasn’t as scary as she thought it would be.
Veronica mounted smoothly, completely masking her fear as she rode around the corral. “Nothing to it,” she whispered to Connie, who was next.
Connie nodded. Then she mounted, picked up the reins, and simply froze until Lisa noticed and led Midnight around for her.
Debbie requested the same service and gave high pitched little gasps for her entire journey. She had trouble getting her legs over the horse and needed help from both Towanda and Veronica to make it off the horse.
Kate swallowed. She was shaking. Then she felt Midnight move under her and heard the familiar sound of his breath and the creak of the saddle. She decided that everything was okay and that someone had just shut off the light and that it would come on any minute.
Devola hopped in, full of exhilaration. She was intoxicated by the dew intensified scents of the trees and grass. The quality of sound at night was different, everything was different. The ride was over all too quickly and she wanted to take a night ride, but knew no one else did.
Lisa rode easily. She felt the magic. It was there; their courage and love would be rewarded. It was right and Tara would be saved.
Mouse climbed awkwardly up to the mounting block. Midnight wasn’t a horse. He was too big to be a horse. He was a shadow mountain, he was darkness and sliding moonlight, something huge yet unstable. She froze until she felt Veronica’s arms around her. “You can do it, Mouse. I’ll help you, okay?” Veronica climbed up and she and Towanda lifted Mouse onto the horse. Mouse turned to Veronica, eyes huge in the moonlight. “I’m scared.”
“I’ll go with you, Mouse. Just stay still while I slide up from the back.”
Mouse’s feet dangled well above the stirrups, so Veronica swung up and shared the saddle, holding Mouse tight. “It’s okay, it’s just a riding lesson, right? See, just around the circle and there we are.” She squeezed Mouse tight. “You were great! So brave!”
Suddenly a flashlight beam seemed to sever the night and stop their ability to breathe.
The beam moved around the corral, finally climbing up the mounting block to Mouse who was still astride Midnight.
“Mouse?” It was Willow’s voice and everyone breathed a sigh of relief.
Then Willow and Tara walked into the corral together.
“W-what are y-you doing outside?”
Bettina hugged Tara around the waist. “Saving you,” she said seriously.
Devola bounced up and down. “Magic,” was all she said.
Lisa explained. “We know something is wrong with Tara and with you two so we rode Midnight at midnight, all of us, to make you better.”
“W-we need to get Mouse down.”
Mouse turned her head and held out her arms, “Willow?”
Willow hurried over, climbed up on the mounting block, and lifted Mouse down and into her arms. Then she jumped and reached back to lift Mouse down.
Lisa looked at Willow, “Aren’t you going to ride?”
Willow’s eyes went wide and silvery in the moonlight. “Me? Ride Gargantua? That’s like mega with the crazy, here!”
Bettina looked reproachfully at her. “But it’s for Tara, it’s to make her feel better.”
Willow looked around, even Mouse pulled away a little as if disappointed.
Willow swallowed and found her body doing something entirely unnatural and wrong; it approached a horse of its own volition. Towanda and Veronica helped her up and handed her the reins and Tara led Midnight around with Lisa instructing her that a full sacred circle had to be made.
Then a bigger light came on and they were blinded by it’s beam in their faces as they heard Mrs. Finch’s astonished voice. “What in heaven’s name are you doing here?”
Tara hurried over and helped Willow dismount. “L-lisa, can you take off his saddle and get Towanda to help you groom him?” They nodded, glad to escape and turned on the stable light.
Mrs. Finch had finally caught her breath, “What are you thinking? This isn’t the time for horseback riding! This is terrible judgment, Tara! You should know better!”
Devola leaped in, “It wasn’t a riding lesson!” She looked wildly around as if searching for a sign to instruct her, “We were uh looking for prune juice.”
“In the stable?”
“Uh, we hoped that walking and riding would kinda you know fix it.” She blinked helplessly at Mrs. Finch. “Could we please have some prune juice?”
Mrs. Finch looked around, “So, you’ve all been suffering? You poor dears, come with me to the dining hall.” She led them in, poured them each a glass of prune juice as well as one for herself and led a toast to good health. The girls stared dubiously at their glasses, thought about how much trouble they could all be in, and drained every drop. Tara reached over to wipe Mouse’s mouth then turned back to find that Willow had given her empty glass to Tara and was now drinking Tara’s full glass.
*************************************************
They led their kids for another bathroom stop then back to their cabin, tucking each one in with extra hugs to help calm them down after their adventure.
Willow shoved the chair under the doorknob and without a word, walked over and lit their candle.
Tara looked at the candlelight, a golden caress against her lover’s face, and felt herself smiling. “Y-you rode for me.”
Willow lifted her head, grinning shyly.
“And you drank prune juice for me.”
“Greater love hath no woman.”
Tara smiled back then paused, “Our kids. Th-they did that for us.” She swallowed and saw Willow do the same as Willow reached out to hold her hand, rubbing the back with her thumb.
“I guess they thought that we belong together.”
They stared at each other.
Willow forced a smile, “So you don’t cheat, steal, act mean to people or torture small animals?”
A reluctant grin flashed across Tara’s face before she shook her head.
“And THAT’s your big secret?”
Tara nodded cautiously, then flinched at Willow’s sudden burst of laughter. “So you’re Dark Tara, evil Goddess of Doom who has basically never done anything wrong?”
“It’s not like that!”
“Then what is it like, Tara, because I really want to know why you’re all suffer-y when you haven’t done anything wrong!” She paused, seeing Tara’s face hidden behind her hair, and her voice softened. “Tara, you and I have lived together almost every minute of every day for over two weeks. Hey, remember me?” she reached out and gently pushed a bit of Tara’s hair aside, “The science gal? And I
am becoming an expert on all things Taranian.”
Tara looked up finally and met her eyes, “But y-you don’t know everything, Willow.”
Willow nodded. “That’s true, but I know what I see.” She scooted forward and brushed the hair from Tara’s face then cupped Tara’s face in her hands, “And I see someone patient, who held Veronica during a mega freak out. Someone who helps people, who loves kids,” her breath hitched and her voice softened, “who loves me and makes me feel beautiful.”
Tara duplicated Willow’s gesture, cupping her lover’s face in her hands. “You are,” she said simply.
Willow’s eyes filled with tears and she snuffled then gave an embarrassed laugh. “Now look, I’m weeping Willow and you got me all sniffle-y.”
Tara searched her pockets and offered Willow a napkin from the dining hall.
Willow blew her nose then looked seriously at Tara. “Was this really your big secret; that you feel evil inside?”
Tara nodded, “The secret that h-hurts me the most.”
“There has to be more to it.” She looked at Tara’s face and sighed, “And you’re not going to tell me, are you?”
Tara nodded cautiously. “I can’t. I r-really can’t.”
“But this was the biggest secret? You kept your promise?”
Tara nodded again, her face guarded.
Willow felt torn by the desire to press the issue and her belief that Tara’s secret could not be forced, even by logical debate. Finally her runny nose won out and she blushed, “I need more tissues. But Tara, you’ve told me your secret and I love you even more. So that’s it.”
She held out her arms, somehow looking very young and vulnerable, and Tara let herself be enveloped by Willow’s embrace.
You don’t understand about the darkness in me, Willow, but how can you? You’re full of light. Then her arms tightened around Willow and she pulled her closer,
No, I have to be honest, have to tell you the truth. She pulled back and felt Willow’s arms release her.
“Do y-you remember that time when you h-had to hide under our bed and Mrs. Finch was in h-here talking to me?”
Willow nodded, “Unforgettably bad experiences are easy to remember. Traditionally.”
“W-well she explained it. That I’m not good enough for you, that I’m b-being selfish, th-that I don’t belong in y-your future, th-that someday you’ll hate me for making you l-love me and—“
Willow finally managed to find her voice, “And you listened to Mrs. Finch, that prune-juice swilling lunatic? You let her judge you? Listened to HER talk about OUR relationship and say that YOU weren’t good enough? Tara, you ARE crazy because that is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard!” She held Tara close for a moment then went on, “Baby, it kills me to think that you have carried that hurt around for even one second, let alone days!” She grabbed Tara’s upper arms and stared into her face. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me in my whole life! I love you!”
Tara saw Willow’s throat working, more words of love and reassurance struggling to be freed, then she leaned forward to offer a questioning kiss on Willow’s lips and sat back, waiting.
Then Willow’s arms were around her, the sweet press of her breasts soft against her own while Willow’s kisses were warm and urgent against her lips.
for being a sweetie.
..... 
You were the 500th (non-me) post on this story!!! 
, and I think it's totally cool when they were learning the cheers (I know some of them myself). Also, one of my favorite books is The Changeling and I can totally picture Tara liking it!! 
(secret) 
