Fanfic - How I Met Your Mother (UPDATED: May 26, 2012)

[AstronSoul]

DIBS!

~grins big~ RECLAIMED TITLE!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA


Anyway...

Great Update, cute, adorable and very Willowy with the wordiness!

Always love seeing both of them embarrassed and just enjoying each other.

The intimacy of these two in the story is great, exploring and just discovering is always of the good!

Hope there is another update soon!!! Great Work!!

~AS~

[Azirahael]

and boom!
just like that, new delivery.

filled chock full of Willowy goodness and Tara Smoochies

I go read now



Az

[Babbles4Twillow]

Yays for updates!!!!!

I really loved this part:

“’Cunnilingus’?” Willow repeated incredulously. She frowned, “THAT sounds like some kind of pasta! Like you walk into an Italian restaurant and say, ‘I’d like a plate of cunnilingus, please’!”

I never thought of it that way, and now that you've pointed it out...ordering pasta will never be the same.

Their love-making was beautiful. Thank you.

I think Tara telling her about her secret will break Willow's heart, but it needs to be out there and I'm glad its going to happen soon.

and BTW, you're not the only one who remembers Devo

Thank you so much for this story! Update soon, k?

Allie

[Azirahael]

Phew! Thank the Goddess for the secret coming out!

I get how hard it is for someone as gentle and shy for Tara to share something so dark with willow.
And i get that she doesn't want to "Stain" Willow with that darkness.
But secrets are toxic to a relationship, especially big ones like this.

I am all with the gladness that she's respecting Willow's strength and love enough to share her burden.
I just worry about what Willow will do when she finds out.
I don't doubt that she'll be supportive and loving gal.
But, hidden under the cuteness and babble is a soul of fire.

If someone i loved told me of abuse they had suffered, in the way we think Tara has suffered,
there would be no saving the bad guys, they would have to take refuge in hell to escape what i would do to them.

Huh, guess i have my own "Overprotective Willow" mode too.
and a little darkness.

Where's Anyanka when you need her?

I wish i lived in a world where such things are unthinkable.



Thankyou for being a sweetie
and giving us a nice bit of happiness before the badness

Az

[wimpy0729]

Oh, now that was just lovely. Willow wanting to know all the different words for oral sex cracked me up, and was just so her. It shows how naive she is, but also how curious she is and wanting to gain knowledge, and how she isn't afraid to talk about these things with Tara, and also how eager she is to do them. Just spot on. I love the way these girls research.

The lovemaking was sweet and hot and very realistic, like when the bra hook is bent, but Tara really wanted it to be romantic. Ah, so sweet. And Willow doing all that rubbing on...things...was just delicious. Don't see that very often on here, so YAY and big thanks for that!

Okay, so they need to have the big talk, so I'm curious how that will go and what Willow's reaction will be. Maybe she can just whisk Tara back to her home with her and they'll live happily ever after?? Or something like that, but I trust you.
Can't wait to see what's next.

Wimpy

[zampsa19752001]

Yay for excellent update-y goodness... I really loved their first Cunning Linguist training lesson... I'm really glad that Tara has made the decision to tell Willow about her "family". I hope Willow doesn't react to Tara's story too badly...

PS: I happens to be a guy. You are not the first to make the mistake, and I think not the last either...

[leonhart17]

Aww, that's a good line to steal! And I laughed at 'it sounds like pasta' because it totally does! Love it! They're so sweet and I'm glad Tara's finally going to talk! Can't wait!

And for me writing - I've pretty much had my brain eaten by a few other things, but I've got more than a few W/T things started so I'll take another look through my files and see if I can't get one finished up for you!

[Grimm]

Pasta passion ......That damn Willow! How did you manage to make this update funny, sweet, angsty (at the end) and very, very sexxxxy? You, my friend, have a very wonderful way with words.

Thank you for another Cordy-free update! I hope Willow does'nt go all super spazmatic when Tara tells her secret.

[faolan228]

I am ridiculously proud of myself for finally catching up with this one. Like, ridiculously.

W/T are downright sweet, the kids are adorable, and their friends and great. Cordelia's the bitch we love to hate, and the Finch-meister definitely needs a good whack upside the head, too.

I was a camp counselor at Leoni Meadows this past summer, for their Indian Camp, which totally felt like Spetsnaz training. Teaching 8-12 year olds how to walk through the forest undetected, shoot bows and arrows, and throw tomahawks? Shenanigans abound. Number one camp rule? Never underestimate the runts, for they are vengeful and spiteful and look out for their own, and you've covered that nicely here.

I love the references to Buffy canon while still remaining in it's own little world.

[Mgraham93]

“’Cunnilingus’?” Willow repeated incredulously. She frowned, “THAT sounds like some kind of pasta! Like you walk into an Italian restaurant and say, ‘I’d like a plate of cunnilingus, please’!”

Ha completely true.

It's funny the amount of things that have been spilled at camp- beans, cake, milk and now saddle soap.

Willow smirked, “You look like a goldfish.” She waggled her eyebrows, “A very sexy goldfish.”

possible crack-fic there. Goldfish Willow and Tara.

O.S., pasta passion, down-y goodness

I knew Willow would have some inventive name for it.

Then Willow looked up. There were Tara’s eyes, ‘blue flame’ clear back to her soul. They shone with desire and more than that, with full acceptance, true respect and a deep love. Willow felt herself expanding, almost bursting with an extravagant new growth, like tropical flowers springing to life in moments. Tara had drunk from her very essence, accepted the depths of her and every part of her body was humming with satisfaction.

Such a sweet little passage it shows how much they've grown thanks to camp and being together.

“I’ll tell you the secret th-that hurts me the most. I promise.”

Willow nodded, her face alight with compassion and her voice gentle. “Tara, not trying to be all pry-girl with the hurt or anything but I really think that you’ll be happier and we’ll be happier if we can get this out.”

Tara nodded in return. “I know we h-have to talk, b-build trust.” She looked helplessly into Willow’s eyes, “But can you just be kissing me now?”

I'm glad Tara's ready to tell Willow the secret. The entropy quote was perfectly used there.

[wayland]

Hi Ariel,

I like the way you’re building up the dramatic tension regarding Tara’s secret. I loved this line in Chapter 41,

She slid a cautious hand up to her face to feel for injuries and tentatively caressed her own hopeful smile,

Its simple language made it all the more moving.

The oral sex conversation was very funny, but also quite touching and beautifully in character. I liked the way you juxtaposed their growing trust and intimacy with Tara’s inner turmoil.

I know a lot of people loved the Cleaning Olympics, but for me, switching focus back to the children (and then Mrs Finch), in the next update, meant a loss of momentum in the Willow/Tara storyline.

So I was glad that Part 43 was devoted entirely to their developing relationship. You write Willow so well. She is naïve but you don’t patronise her. She’s very endearing in her openness and quest for knowledge. Again, it’s an excellent contrast with Tara’s struggle to discuss her fears. The more Willow trusts her, the worse Tara feels about her silence, but conversely, it makes it even harder for her to confide.

[Finey_McFine]

Julie,

Wow...that was really beautiful.

Totally agreeing with Sonya here...

funny, sweet, angsty (at the end) and very, very sexxxxy? You, my friend, have a very wonderful way with words.

Really, really great stuff!!

“’Cunnilingus’?” Willow repeated incredulously. She frowned, “THAT sounds like some kind of pasta! Like you walk into an Italian restaurant and say, ‘I’d like a plate of cunnilingus, please’!”

AGREE!

Innocent and naive Willow = adorableness to the 1000th degree! That conversation was priceless.

Their lovemaking was perfect and really captured the awe and innocence of young love, again...very well done!

I'm worried about "the talk" and I hope that Tara is able to explain things properly to Willow. My biggest worry is that Willow will a) not get it fully or b) worry herself to death. Either way...not good. I'm just hoping that things go well. I just keep thinking, 3 more yrs of hs...yuck! And with Cordelia, no less!

Anyway, I'm on the edge for Tara! Hurry up and update!!

[willowtaralover]

Hi Ariel Sorry I’m a bit late with the feedback but there’s two chapters worth here, hopefully there’ll be enough.

41

Incredible opening paragraph there, showing Tara’s fear appearing in her dreams yet she appears to feel the actual physicality of it. It was definitely pretty scary for me too.

I like that Willow can automatically tell that something is wrong with her girl and holds her closer.

“Well, remember you being my Tare-bear?” Willow felt Tara’s nod against her neck, “Well, that means that I’m your Willow-bear with all of the same cuddle rights included.”
AWWWW

“Hey!” Willow shifted in bed, then pulled Tara in close again, “What’s with this happiness end-y stuff? I mean we’re young, it’s all just beginning.”

I love Willow’s positive attitude and beliefs and how they’re being played against Tara’s fears and (minor) negative feelings.

Willow swallowed again, “I’m scared that you’ll think I’m some kind of nympho-perve-monster.”

“I w-won’t. I promise.”

“Okay, I’ll tell you, but you have to look away.”

“W-willow, we’re in the dark.”

“I don’t care,” Willow insisted, “You have to look away and shut your eyes, too. Because it always feels like you can see me, no matter what. So if your eyes are closed AND you’re looking away AND we’re in the dark, then maybe I can tell you.”

Willow’s sexual innocence is so sweet here, and when she talks about kissing Tara on her thigh’s wanting to do that again and Tara’s assurances that she wanted to kiss Willow down there too is …I think romantic and loving in it’s own way. And the reaction she gives when she realises how wrong she has been about what oral sex is just makes her even more endearing. And even though Xander and Jesse laughed at her lack of knowledge she has now probably got in more practical experience than either of those two.

Willow’s dream babble is brilliantly funny, something I’ve not yet achieved in my own writing so you’ve given me a bar to aim for.


Tara sighed, feeling her nipples harden against Willow’s stroking palm, as Willow continued her musings, “Her boobs are interesting—“

“Interesting!” Tara pulled Willow’s hands away and tugged her tank top back down.

“Taaaara! I just meant from a scientific point of view!”

Tara’s jaw dropped, “’Research, hands on research’?”

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, incredibly funny.
I can’t believe that Willow almost blows it all by going on about another girls boobs

It’s about time that Tara realised how much she loved and was loved by Willow and it’s a step in the right direction for her to decide to tell her lover about her home life. Now stop pontificating about it and get on with it.

42

Brilliant opening piece with much physical comedy, Jenilee’s breasts getting soaked must have caused a few raised eyebrows in the cafeteria though.

And I’m guessing that a push-up bra is what Tara is planning to borrow off Jenilee then Willow can do some more research on Tara’s breasts. Hmmm Tara’s breasts.

“It’s true!” Mouse stamped her foot, “I try and try and try to play good and you try to make us lose! That’s not fair! You stop it, Veronica! You stop it right now!”

Wow, go mouse. She’s definitely not a shrinking violet anymore.

“That’s cheating, Veronica, and it’s bad to cheat! My mommy doesn’t let me play with bad girls!”
“But you’re my best friend,” Veronica’s voice was pleading.

I love the turnabout here, at one time it would have been Mouse doing the pleading but now it’s the girl who at first didn’t like her doing it instead. Though there’s more to this than meets the eye, (Cordelia perchance). I also like how Veronica genuinely wants Mouse on her side but isa too afraid to let her know the facts in case the smaller girl get's hurt.

Tara came so close to telling Willow about her life there if it hadn’t been for the kids. Still there was so much sombreness and such an upsetting moment for Tara that I felt her hurt too.

Why does Tara hate herself so much? My guess is her father has programmed her that way by being abusive towards her. It’s something that I understand only too well because I’ve been to that dark place myself with people telling me that I was useless, a waste of time and a failure. I may be a lot better nowadays but I still bear the mental scars. It’s one of the most insidious things a human can do to another. Make them feel unworthy, I’m just glad that Tara has Willow there to love her and make her feel important. I just wish I’d had a Willow of my own when I was that age.

I don't mean to be as bit of a downer there but just to note that this type of bullying does occur and not just to girls.

The Housework Olympics that the girls set up seems a lot of fun and they let little Mouse win something too. It’s nice to note that in their cabin the girls all look out for one another.

It’s sad about Veronica and how she’s too scared to say why she’s playing to lose. It’s also good that Willow and Tara have noticed that the other girls are shunning Veronica and plan to find out what’s going on. Maybe she’ll reveal Cordelia’s plan to the others and they’ll help her.

“Allow me to demonstrate. Cordelia, please trade seats with Jennilee so she can sit next to me. Now, Jennilee place your hand on my knee. Good! Now I react decisively by picking your hand up by the wrist, with an appropriate expression of horror and then I say, ‘Whose hand is this?’ and place it firmly back on your own knee.” Mrs. Finch demonstrated the movement and continued triumphantly, “Even the most desperate knee-grabber will be shamed into submission and forced to behave decently.”

And is this supposed to really work cos it sounds pretty dumb to me?

Cordelia and Harmony, meanwhile, smiled at each other; they had their own plans brewing.

Now this sounds nasty, I’m guessing they have some plan up their sleeves to try and reveal Willow and Tara as being lovers which could get them expelled from the camp meaning Dogdelia’s team win the softball game by default.

I’m worried now for Willow and Tara, are they going to be forced to go to the dance and if so will they be the belles of the ball or will they be humiliated????? Only time will tell.

[BlondCavalier]

Hi Ariel,

WOW, this chapter was HOT, HOT, HOT!!!! (REDHOTCHLIPEPPEREMOTICON) I loved when the girls said they would never think about barns the same way, because neither will I! You have such a talent at writing love scenes.

And not only the actual sex part (which of course you do well too), but I love scenes like this as well:

"Then Willow looked up.There were Tara's eyes, 'blue flame', clear back to her soul. They shone with desire and more than that, with full acceptance, true respect and a deep love. Willow felt herself expanding, almost bursting, with an extravagant new growth, like tropical flowers springing to life in moments. Tara had drunk from her very essence, accepted the depths of herand every part of her body was humming with satisfaction." This is beautiful!

I also liked the line :

Tara wiggled and Willow raised her hand a bit anxiously, "Is that 'good' wiggly or 'bad' wiggly?"
"It's 'keep going' wiggly," Tara said between gasps. Oh, the comedy of first love!

This chapter was not only sexy but tender - I am getting the feeling that Tara is getting ever closer to trusting Willow and telling her her dark secret.

Finally, I am delighted that neither of the girls were bothered by the nosy, buttinsky, ample-bosomed Mrs. Finch ( ) in this chapter and she was finally put out to pasture for a while!

Yay for Willow and Tara and the blossoming of first love. They finally went all the way!!!!



BC

[Ariel]

AstronSoul:

DIBS!

~grins big~ RECLAIMED TITLE!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA

Hail Dibs-Mistress of the Universe! Your throne awaits . . .

Great Update, cute, adorable and very Willowy with the wordiness! Always love seeing both of them embarrassed and just enjoying each other.

Glad you liked their intimacy and I obey your command to post soon! :fear In fact I CHALLENGE you to keep up with 3 posts in 8 days – As always, thanks for reading & writing!


Azirahael:

I get how hard it is for someone as gentle and shy for Tara to share something so dark with willow. And i get that she doesn't want to "Stain" Willow with that darkness. But secrets are toxic to a relationship, especially big ones like this.

You’re right, 12 step programs say, “You are only as sick as your secrets.” Sadly, though it is a long journey to the light . . .

Touched by your comments about how you would protect Tara and how Willow is “a soul of fire” if her girl is in danger. See thanks on top!

If someone i loved told me of abuse they had suffered, in the way we think Tara has suffered, there would be no saving the bad guys, they would have to take refuge in hell to escape what i would do to them. . . . Where's Anyanka when you need her? I wish i lived in a world where such things are unthinkable.

Me, too.


Allie AKA Babbles4Twillow:
On cunnilingus and pasta passion, you said:

I never thought of it that way, and now that you've pointed it out...ordering pasta will never be the same.

Thank you for W/T kisses and flowers in response to their love scene. Very touched!

I think Tara telling her about her secret will break Willow's heart, but it needs to be out there and I'm glad its going to happen soon.

You are right on all accounts; it won’t be easy, but it’s right. As to your request for an update soon – right back at you! Check notes, I mean it! 3 in 8 days!


Wimpy:
Wimpy said that it was “lovely.” - *happy sigh*

The lovemaking was sweet and hot and very realistic, like when the bra hook is bent, but Tara really wanted it to be romantic. Ah, so sweet. And Willow doing all that rubbing on...things...was just delicious. Don't see that very often on here, so YAY and big thanks for that!

And let me say, you’re welcome!

Maybe she can just whisk Tara back to her home with her and they'll live happily ever after?? Or something like that, but I trust you.

Potential *YOINK*-ability! Glad you trust me . . . hang in there! See thanks at the top of the page!


Zampsa19752001:

I really loved their first Cunning Linguist training lesson.

As did they, as did they – yummy love!

I'm really glad that Tara has made the decision to tell Willow about her "family". I hope Willow doesn't react to Tara's story too badly.

I’m channelling Bette Davis’ line in All About Eve, “Fasten your seatbelts it’s going to be a bumpy night!” Thanks for being so cool about my calling you ‘girlfriend’ by mistake and double thanks for that amazing pix gallery – wow!


Maggie AKA leonhart17:

Aww, that's a good line to steal! And I laughed at 'it sounds like pasta' because it totally does! Love it! They're so sweet and I'm glad Tara's finally going to talk! Can't wait!

Thanks! It’s coming, but remember, “It’s darkest just before the dawn.”

And for me writing - I've pretty much had my brain eaten by a few other things, but I've got more than a few W/T things started so I'll take another look through my files and see if I can't get one finished up for you!

Muah ha ha ha ! You fell into my trap! You even put it in writing AND there are witnesses now! And we fans will never let you escape!


SMGOVAN – The Enforcer:

Pasta passion......That damn Willow! How did you manage to make this update funny, sweet, angsty (at the end) and very, very sexxxxy? You, my friend, have a very wonderful way with words.

Thank you very, very much. Your support and friendship is a gift to me.

Thank you for another Cordy-free update! I hope Willow does'nt go all super spazmatic when Tara tells her secret.

There is no Cordaciousness in this post but there is some in the next – not sure where Willow will end up on the Spaz-o-meter, but it’s not looking good . . .


faolan228:

I am ridiculously proud of myself for finally catching up with this one. Like, ridiculously.

And I’m ridiculously grateful!

I was a camp counselor at Leoni Meadows this past summer, for their Indian Camp, which totally felt like Spetsnaz training. Teaching 8-12 year olds how to walk through the forest undetected, shoot bows and arrows, and throw tomahawks? Shenanigans abound. Number one camp rule? Never underestimate the runts, for they are vengeful and spiteful and look out for their own, and you've covered that nicely here.

Yes, small children can be deeply terrifying and acknowledgement from a pro is sincerely appreciated. Your sense of humor in “Sentinels” cracks me up!

Glad you liked the campers and their friends. As to Cordelia being a bitch you love to hate – well, duh! And yes, your suggestion to whack Mrs. Finch upside the head is excellent and will be passed on to SMGOVAN, THE ENFORCER who takes free-lance work in other fics when not occupied with her Finey_McFine Fan Club duties.

Thanks for reading so much so fast AND for the feedback!


Matty AKA Mgraham93:
Glad you approve of “Pasta Passion”!

It's funny the amount of things that have been spilled at camp- beans, cake, milk and now saddle soap.

I can only

O.S., pasta passion, down-y goodness
I knew Willow would have some inventive name for it.

Thanks to YOU and your *YOINK*-able idea for Willow to come up with more names!!! See thanks up top!

Then Willow looked up. There were Tara’s eyes, ‘blue flame’ clear back to her soul. They shone with desire and more than that, with full acceptance, true respect and a deep love. Willow felt herself expanding, almost bursting with an extravagant new growth, like tropical flowers springing to life in moments. Tara had drunk from her very essence, accepted the depths of her and every part of her body was humming with satisfaction.
Such a sweet little passage it shows how much they've grown thanks to camp and being together.

Thank you – I love their love.

I’ll tell you the secret th-that hurts me the most. I promise.”

Willow nodded, her face alight with compassion and her voice gentle. “Tara, not trying to be all pry-girl with the hurt or anything but I really think that you’ll be happier and we’ll be happier if we can get this out.”

Tara nodded in return. “I know we h-have to talk, b-build trust.” She looked helplessly into Willow’s eyes, “But can you just be kissing me now?”
I'm glad Tara's ready to tell Willow the secret. The entropy quote was perfectly used there.

Like I told you and Richard, rough scene coming. Hang in, friend – as always, thanks for the help!


Clare AKA wayland:

She slid a cautious hand up to her face to feel for injuries and tentatively caressed her own hopeful smile. like the way you’re building up the dramatic tension regarding Tara’s secret. I loved this line in Chapter 41, Its simple language made it all the more moving.

Heartfelt thanks, it means a great deal.

The oral sex conversation was very funny, but also quite touching and beautifully in character. I liked the way you juxtaposed their growing trust and intimacy with Tara’s inner turmoil.

Thank you, it is their strength together that forces Tara to reveal herself.

Thanks for your honesty in telling me that you felt that the cleaning Olympics and Mrs. Finch slowed down the momentum of their storyline; I think you’re right – I struggle to find the right balance. First, I am truly grateful for your honesty and second, that you speak your truth constructively and with kindness. Thank-you!

You write Willow so well. She is naïve but you don’t patronise her. She’s very endearing in her openness and quest for knowledge. Again, it’s an excellent contrast with Tara’s struggle to discuss her fears. The more Willow trusts her, the worse Tara feels about her silence, but conversely, it makes it even harder for her to confide.

Absolutely, got it in one! That’s exactly what I’ve tried to write! Thanks for this f/b AND the scene you helped with is coming up next post!


Shelby AKA Finey_McFine:
Glad you agreed with Sonya – it’s dangerous to offend SMGOVAN, THE ENFORCER! Seriously, kind words appreciated!

Innocent and naive Willow = adorableness to the 1000th degree! That conversation was priceless.

Their lovemaking was perfect and really captured the awe and innocence of young love, again...very well done!

Have to throw that love thing right back at you, adore the W/T love in RtR; so funny and playful and warm and . . . *cold shower time!*

I'm worried about "the talk" and I hope that Tara is able to explain things properly to Willow. My biggest worry is that Willow will a) not get it fully or b) worry herself to death. Either way...not good. I'm just hoping that things go well. I just keep thinking, 3 more yrs of hs...yuck! And with Cordelia, no less!

Truly not a pretty picture, but Richard and Matty and I are working on some ideas . . .

Thanks for being all suspense-o-gal for Tara AND for your support of this story – update is now with 3 in 8 days total! Then back to sanity!


Rick AKA willowtaralover:
Glad Tara’s nightmare scene moved you. Yes, Willow felt her trembling; we all know that Willow’s love and comfort are amazing things!

I love Willow’s positive attitude and beliefs and how they’re being played against Tara’s fears and (minor) negative feelings.

Thanks for noting that contrast, actually trying for that effect!

“I don’t care,” Willow insisted, “You have to look away and shut your eyes, too. Because it always feels like you can see me, no matter what. So if your eyes are closed AND you’re looking away AND we’re in the dark, then maybe I can tell you.”
Willow’s sexual innocence is so sweet here, and when she talks about kissing Tara on her thigh’s wanting to do that again and Tara’s assurances that she wanted to kiss Willow down there too is …I think romantic and loving in it’s own way. And the reaction she gives when she realises how wrong she has been about what oral sex is just makes her even more endearing. And even though Xander and Jesse laughed at her lack of knowledge she has now probably got in more practical experience than either of those two.

You and Matty both thought of Jesse’s and Xander’s relative experience – great minds think alike, eh?

Why does Tara hate herself so much? My guess is her father has programmed her that way by being abusive towards her. It’s something that I understand only too well because I’ve been to that dark place myself with people telling me that I was useless, a waste of time and a failure. I may be a lot better nowadays but I still bear the mental scars. It’s one of the most insidious things a human can do to another. Make them feel unworthy, I’m just glad that Tara has Willow there to love her and make her feel important. I just wish I’d had a Willow of my own when I was that age. It’s about time that Tara realised how much she loved and was loved by Willow and it’s a step in the right direction for her to decide to tell her lover about her home life. Now stop pontificating about it and get on with it.

Watch out, AstronSoul isn’t gonna like you stealing her whip! You’re right, but get your own story up on the boards, too, willya? Along the line of Tara realizing Willow’s love, your previous idea is being used – hope you catch it! Last and most important, Thank you for your courage in sharing that insight from your own story, very moving and very true.

Quick notes:
The “Whose hand is this?” ploy was shared by a friend, something nuns taught her in Catholic School – hey, maybe it works on nuns! Harmony’s and Dogdelia’s <=(love that!) Plans in that phrase refer to their own personal plans. Uh, on the party, can there be a little of both? Stay tuned! Thanks for your incredible support, too!


BlondCavalier:
First, thanks for bouncy kisses – the best kind!

As for hotness, hey all you have to do is read stories on the KB to start nailing that one! Believe me, this is the land of sweet heat!

Tara wiggled and Willow raised her head a bit anxiously, "Is that 'good' wiggly or 'bad' wiggly?"

"It's 'keep going' wiggly," Tara said between gasps. Oh, the comedy of first love!

Thank you – so incredibly true, especially on the ‘keep going’ part!

Finally, I am delighted that neither of the girls were bothered by the nosy, buttinsky, ample-bosomed Mrs. Finch in this chapter and she was finally put out to pasture for a while!

Ouch! Hey, give ample-bosomed women a break! Jennilee Cooper is great and totally on the girls’ team – stay tuned on the AB front!

Yay for Willow and Tara and the blossoming of first love. They finally went all the way!!!

Thanks for reading – your post gave me another

STORY WILL FOLLOW (ALMOST) IMMEDIATELY!

[Ariel]

Feedback is golden, thank you for reading!

Title: How I Met Your Mother*
Author: Ariel
Email: blaziak@yahoo.com
Feedback: All feedback welcomed, specific input appreciated, harsh on me via PM
Rating: PG-13 language, discussion of the Shoah (Holocaust) child abuse, light W/T love
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, but I love to take them for a ride!
Summary: A/U before season 1, the summer after Willow's freshman year with a large dose of Queen Cordelia at her bitchy best and teen-aged angst, these three parts growing more serious.
Angst Rating: 7 out of 10 – no lives endangered but some real pain
Special Thanks: Mgraham93 for his idea for Willow to find alternate names for O.S.
Special Thanks: To Wimpy for sharing softball rituals from her team
Special Thanks: Azirahael, his phrase “soul of fire” and comments about Willow’s protectiveness added a far greater intensity to the first secret scene
Note: The scenes about Tara confiding in Willow took on a life of their own and didn’t fit any kind of standard format for the size of a post. So I’ll do them in three posts all posted within a week so I’ll post today, Thursday, and Monday. It’s hard for me to write this, feedback is always appreciated but especially now – thanks!

Thoughts are in italics

*not related to the sit-com of the same name



Part 44: To Tell the Truth


Willow climbed down the ladder and smiled, “My legs are all with the love-wobbly.” Then she sighed happily and leaned against the ladder for a moment before looking up to catch the sweet sway of Tara’s breasts as she climbed down. An instant later they stepped into each other’s arms until they parted with a sigh and the softest of kisses. Then they held hands and headed for the softball field.

*************************************************

The girls gathered around and Mouse pointed to Tara’s neck. “Did you get an owie?”


Willow and Tara’s eyes met and they seemed to be conducting a blushing contest that was ending in a dead heat. Amazingly it was Devola who rescued them, “Looks like a spider bite. I got one once and they’re lots bigger than a mosquito bite.”


Faith smirked, “Yeah. LOTS bigger.” She leaned in to whisper, “Hey, T. Sure you didn’t run into a vampire or something? Those neck-biters’ll kill you.”


Tara froze and suddenly a red-faced Willow was clapping her hands for attention, “O-kay, let’s stay off the neck stuff and get on with the field stuff!” She shot Faith a look, “Coach-y goodness. Needed. Now-ish.”


Faith smirked again, but took the hint and the kids enjoyed a base running drill, a “call your balls” contest and finished with batting practice.


Faith gave the kids time to cheer then let them run on ahead, Veronica trailing behind the others, while she dropped back to confer with Tara and Willow.


Willow looked eagerly at Faith, “So how do they look?”


Faith nodded. “A little better. Betts is still shutting her eyes. She ripped one out of 10, but we’re running out of time. Mouse and Veronica are still guaranteed strike outs and Debbie is trying but she still kinda sucks. Hey, T, don’t give me the look. I like the kids, but hey, we’re all alone and it is what it is. Three pretty much guaranteed strike-outs makes it tough to win.” She smiled, “but I still have a few tricks up my sleeve. Hey, anybody got a picture of Queen C?”


Willow laughed, “Yeah, but it’s on my dartboard at home!”


Faith laughed and slugged Willow’s shoulder, “Yo, Red! Finally growin’ a pair!”


“A pair of what?” Willow asked grumpily, looking at Faith and wondering if her breasts were being insulted. She looked at Tara but Tara was too busy blushing and staring at the tops of her shoes to explain.


“Nothing, Red,” Faith said quickly, “nice shot, that’s all.” Then she grinned, threw an arm around each of her friends’ shoulders and they walked in together for dinner.

*************************************************

“Okay, listen!” Devola waved to get everyone’s attention.


Connie grimaced, “Don’t talk with your mouth full! It’s gross!”


Devola, of course, faced Connie and opened her mouth wide before swallowing and continuing. “So we need lots of things to win. First, we need cheers. Any of you guys know any?”


Lisa, Towanda, and Kate volunteered to share and Devola moved on. “Good! We’ll get ‘em learned. Then we need to strike terror into their hearts. We have our blood red uniform numbers, but we need to march in like a grim army of death.”


Lisa looked confused, “An army? I’ve never heard of an army playing softball before.”


Devola sighed. “Psych ‘em out, Lisa! Get ‘em scared from the beginning. We’ll have a sign or a banner or something with a big huge scary picture on it!”


Mouse bounced up and down. “I wanna draw it! I wanna draw it! Please, please can I?”


Devola was firm. “No. It’s got to be done right.”


Towanda jumped in, “Let Mouse do it. Take a vote.” The vote was overwhelmingly in Mouse’s favor and the little girl beamed with excitement.


Devola sighed and let it go. “Okay, then magic. Remember how they were winning and their uniforms were lots dirtier than ours?”


The girls nodded, unsure of where Devola was heading.


“Well that’s the proof. Whoever has the dirtiest uniforms wins!”


Connie shoved Devola in the shoulder, “Oh no you don’t! I’m not gonna roll around in garbage or dirt or something and that’s it!”


Devola was stunned that Connie took her strategy so lightly. “But it’s true, the dirtier the uniform the more you win.”


The other girls thought it over, remembering how dirty the Queens’ uniforms got as the game progressed and nodded agreement.


Lisa spoke, “We could roll down that hill with the grass and get grass stained. Would that work?”


Devola thought seriously, then her smile lit up her face! “Yeah! That’ll work.” She thought, “Okay, cheers, army with banner, and our dirty winning secret – we’re gonna do it!” There were grins around the table while the pizza and salad were happily devoured.

*************************************************

It was bed time and Mouse began climbing up to her bunk while Veronica watched anxiously. “Mouse, aren’t you going to sleep by me?”


Mouse shook her head.


“But what if you have nightmares?”


Mouse was firm. “I won’t.”


Veronica climbed silently under the covers and hugged her pillow close.

*************************************************

Willow and Tara lit their candle and they undressed slowly, letting candlelight and shadow glide and dance together on their skin. For a moment they were naked, figures of gold and crimson, moonlight flesh and enchanting darkness. Their kisses were slow, deep and they paused to breathe as if they were returning from a richer atmosphere and had to accustom their lungs to thinner air. Legs slid between legs, arms clasped, hands caressed and lips found new places to kiss. Their voices were murmurs, odd endearments and shared jokes; a lover’s language they were forming together. There was a sense of crossing uncharted territory, of another journey beginning and they were both exhilarated and little frightened; but there was deep comfort in each other and they took it easily. Finally they grew tired, voices stilled into sighs and into sleep but even then they were still together.

*************************************************

Tara awoke in the darkness, still breathing harshly after escaping another nightmare. Today. I promised to tell her today. She swallowed, knowing that there was no turning back, and struggled to find the words.


Hours later they both awoke at the same time, blinking at each other like young owls and smiling at each other’s sleep tousled hair when they heard a soft knock on the door. Tara slept against the wall, so Willow hopped out of bed, moved the chair, and opened the door.


Veronica stepped inside and closed the door, avoiding their eyes. “I just want to – go to the bathroom, that’s all.”


Willow and Tara exchanged looks and Willow put a hand on Veronica’s shoulder. “Great, I’ll go with. Call of nature. And being all together-y is the way of the girls, right?”


Veronica smiled weakly, but accepted Willow’s company while Tara stepped into the girls’ room to find everyone awake.


“L-look, I want you to be nice to Veronica. She’s feeling bad enough already w-without h-her friends turning on her.”


“’Friends’?” Towanda was incredulous. “Tell her not to be a cheater and to quit letting our team down!”


The other girls nodded and clustered eagerly around Tara to list their grievances.


“L-look, I don’t care about that right now. I’m telling you to be nice to her.”


There was another storm of protests while Towanda thought it over and finally said, “If being nice means I won’t hit her or call her Moronica then okay, but you can’t make me talk to her or play with her!”


In that instant Veronica walked back into the room and everyone fell silent. Her face was set, hazel eyes burning, and it was obvious that she had heard every word. “I – I need to go to the bathroom.”


“You just came from the bathroom.” Devola was honestly curious. “Are you sick or something?”


Veronica looked down at the floor. “Just gotta finish in the bathroom.”


She hurried out of the room and Kate’s quiet voice was heard clearly in the silence, “She’s going to go behind the bathroom and cry.” She blushed, meeting everyone’s curious stares, “That’s where you go if you want to cry. There are a couple of benches there.” She looked down, clearly embarrassed, and Lisa slid an arm across her shoulders.


Tara spoke again, “Why do you think she’s going off to cry?”


Kate’s voice was shaking, “Because she feels bad, because she’s all alone.” She looked up and met Tara’s eyes, “I’ll be her friend again.”


Lisa smiled and gave her best friend a squeeze, “We’ll BOTH be her friends again.”


“Well I won’t!” Towanda said loudly, “She’s a cheater and I don’t play with cheaters!” She was clearly uncomfortable, but felt that she was in the right and had a duty as team captain. “If Veronica wants to play fair then she can be my friend. That’s it. But I won’t hit her or say mean stuff.” Towanda looked around at her followers to assure their support, “None of us will be mean. Can we go to breakfast now?”


While the girls dressed, Tara talked it over Willow and they agreed that she’d round up Veronica while Willow took the others to the dining hall.

*************************************************

Veronica sat hunched on the bench behind the showers and didn’t move when Tara sat by her and slid an arm around her. “Tell me, what’s wrong.”


“They all hate me. Mouse hates me, too, and she’s my best friend. Was my best friend.”


Tara bent to look into Veronica’s eyes, but Veronica looked away. “W-What is it?”


Veronica’s voice was a whisper, “Mouse wants me to play my very best.”


“And you’re w-worried about that?”


Veronica nodded, “Because I’m not supposed to play my best.” Then hid her face against Tara’s shoulder. “I don’t know what to do.”


Tara nodded and swallowed. “That’s h-hard. It’s hard to go up against your family and it’s hard to go against your friends and team-mates, too.”


Veronica released a shaking breath and nodded, burrowing in as Tara slid both arms around her and pulled her in close. “Veronica, have you ever seen sunflowers?”


Veronica pulled back, her eyes surprised, “Yeah, I’ve seen sunflowers. They give sunflower seeds.”


Tara smiled. “They sure do. Why are they called ‘sunflowers’?”


Veronica thought for a while, “uh, because they’re round like a sun?”


Tara grinned and gave her a quick squeeze. “That must be the number one reason, but there’s another reason that they’re called sunflowers.”


Veronica nestled in, resting her cheek on Tara’s breast and sighing as Tara’s arms slid back around her and rocked her. “What’s the other reason?”


Tara smiled, “It’s the amazing thing that they do. They turn their faces to the sun all day long. They know the sun nourishes them and they follow its warmth and goodness.”


There was a long, contented silence.


Tara’s voice was low. “So that’s what I want you to do, follow the sun.” She gave Veronica another squeeze then pulled back and looked deeply into the little girl’s eyes, “Go with what makes you happy.”


Then Tara stood, and Veronica walked with her to breakfast.

*************************************************

Breakfast went well and, miraculously, the counselor’s meeting was entirely without drama, trauma or terror of any kind. Mrs. Finch announced that the elementary school bus would be by and most of the campers would be required to spend half a day clearing trails and cleaning up camp-sites at a nearby State Park along with Boy Scout and Girl Scout troops of various ages. The first half of the day’s camp activities were suspended and she asked for volunteers since space on the buses were limited. Several counselors volunteered.


“Willow, Tara I’m afraid you missed your chance. But please make yourself useful here in any way you see fit. Oh, Willow,” she handed Willow what looked like a book wrapped in brown paper. “This came for you in today’s mail.”


Willow accepted the package eagerly and ripped it open at once. It was a worn copy of Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl then she paused as she read the accompanying note.


Tara reached out to take her hand and squeezed it. “Y-you can read this if you w-want. W-we can talk later.”


Willow shook her head and mouthed the word ‘secret’ and Tara’s heart sank.


Then they heard yells outside and Tara felt a jolt of fear when she recognized Bettina’s and Veronica’s voices. She jumped up and ran from the circle of chairs with Willow a few steps behind her.


Bettina and Veronica circled each other. Then Veronica ran back into the dining hall and Bettina rushed into Tara’s arms for a hug only moments before they had to get ready for the bus ride.


Several minutes later they checked that the girls’ teeth were brushed, sunscreen applied, and water bottles filled. Then they waved good-bye to their girls.


Tara noticed Willow staring down at the book in her hands. “Who sent it?”


Willow looked up. “My parents. My Great-grandmother died and she left me this book, The Diary of Anne Frank.”


“I’m sorry.”


Willow took her hand, speaking calmly. “No, it’s okay. She was really old and her mind had started to go when I was around three. I really don’t remember much about her except that she always thought I was her little sister, Adele.”


Willow answered Tara’s next question before Tara spoke. “Adele died in Bergen-Belsen, the same concentration camp where Anne Frank and her sister Margot died. My great-grandmother survived.” Willow’s voice caught, “This book was always special to my great-grandma.”


Wordlessly Tara gathered Willow into her arms and held her, stroking her hair and letting Willow recover her composure. Finally Willow stepped back and smiled, “Love you.”


“Love you, too. W-willow, I don’t h-have to tell you today. Y-you’re upset and—“


“No.” Willow took her hand and met her eyes, “I want to do this. It feels right.” She sighed, “And we need to get to the bottom of the whole thing with Veronica, too, so fill me in on your talk.” She swallowed, “Give me a minute to look up some stuff about Anne Frank on the net. Then I’ll work on prep for my computer lab tonight. Hey, have your shower-y goodness and meet me there. It’s quiet and we can talk, plus people won’t be as likely to find us and be all interrupt-y like they would if we were in our cabin.”


Tara gulped and nodded. She showered as slowly as she could but before she knew it she had dressed and was walking stiffly into the computer room, determined to lead up to it slowly but get it over with.


“W-willow. What do you know,” Tara gulped and twisted her fingers in her lap, “About kids getting h-hit by their Dads?”


Willow’s face lit up with sudden understanding, “Tara, that’s it! That explains everything about Veronica’s behavior!” She leaned forward and gave Tara a quick peck on the cheek.


“It d-does?”


“Oh yeah. She acts out violently with both kids and adults, doesn’t trust adults and is alienated from the other kids. This totally fits one of the profiles of an abused child.”


“H-how do you know?”


“Remember? My mom is a psychologist. See, when I was in the fifth grade this girl, Wendy, showed up at school and she had stripes on her legs. She said that she was bad and her mom had hit her with a hose. I asked my Mom if I would ever get punished that way and she explained about child abuse. Then she reported it to the county. She’s a mandated reporter and—“


“What’s that?”


“People who have to legally report real or suspected cases of child abuse. Mrs. Finch is one, too.”


“M-Mrs. Finch?” Tara swallowed and felt dizzy for an instant. Her stomach clenched and she felt the panicked muscles of her throat working and swallowed again. She looked up finally to see Willow obviously waiting for her to speak and was grateful that she could recall where the conversation had paused, “So your mother r-reported Wendy’s mom?”


“Uh huh.”


Tara’s mouth went dry and she whispered, “W-what h-happened then?”


Willow shrugged. “I don’t know, they moved.”


Tara struggled visibly, “But what h-happened to W-wendy? Did her mom h-hurt her for telling? Did she h-have a place to live? S-somebody to take care of her?”


“Well, that wasn’t really the point.”


Suddenly Tara was on her feet. “’Wasn’t the point’! A home! Somebody that l-loves you! Th-that’s all the point there is!”


Willow looked at her in amazement. Tara’s hands were shaking and a hectic flush burned in her cheeks.


“Tara. Baby, what’s wrong?”


Tara made a visible effort to breathe more slowly. “You sh-should’ve thought, that’s all. N-not just jumped in l-like—“


Now it was Willow’s turn to flush. “Like what? Like nothing, that’s what you mean, isn’t it? You would’ve just left it and done nothing.”


Tara gave a short, jerky nod then shrank back as she looked at the rage growing on her lover’s face. “Tara! How can you even think that! You love Veronica and you love kids, how can you say that I shouldn’t have done something? What if YOU were her? What if you were being beaten and terrified like that?”


Tara flinched and her body slammed against the back of her chair. She felt a roiling in her stomach. “Sometimes, you sh-should just l-leave it alone. Th-think a l-little and—“


“That’s right. Do nothing. Look away. Be nice.” Then Willow stood slowly and her voice stilled, a flat calm in the center of a storm. “That’s what evil is, Tara. It’s not super-villain-y comic book stuff. Mostly it’s just people, nice people, who look the other way.”


Tara stared, Willow’s face had gone white and her green eyes blazed with intensity while tears fell unheeded. “Like letting a little kid get beaten up and doing nothing. Like seeing whole families shipped off to concentration camps and doing nothing. Willow choked, her face shiny with tears, “THAT’S evil, Tara and anyone who does that is evil, too!”


Tara sat staring at her hands, watching them curl and uncurl. She had a sudden picture of their orange cat, kneading his paws and choked back a burst of laughter. Then she felt a gathering of ice in her gut, a freezing death of hope. I’m a coward. Evil, like Willow said. My brother got the buckle end of dad’s belt, too, but I never stuck up for him and I never really stuck up for me, either. Mom helped, but she never stopped it. If I had tried harder, been a better kid, made him proud of me instead of ashamed of me . . . but I couldn’t stop being shy and stuttering and failing. Tara drew a sharp breath, then a steady breath. Fold it up and put away, save it for another—Willow, I tried! I tried, but all l I could do was learn not to cry. I’m not good enough . . . I’ll never be good enough. And I can’t let you take my family away. Then with a terrible effort, Tara straightened and arranged her body into a semblance of normalcy.


A moment passed and Willow reached out a shaky hand to squeeze Tara’s hand. “I’m sorry that I went all emotion-gal on you. I know you didn’t mean it like that.” Willow smiled at her, “You’re one of the bravest people I know.”


Tara winced. The bright admiration in Willow’s eyes seemed to burn against her skin. No. Willow. Please. You don’t know.


Willow continued proudly, “Like the way you stuck up for me our first day when Cordy teased me about breaking her ankle. You saw the hurt in my face,” Willow gave a shaky grin, “Then you were all up in her face.”


Tara’s mouth moved, but she couldn’t make the words come.


“Tara! What’s wrong? Is this about your secret?”


Tara nodded, still not trusting her voice, and suddenly Willow’s arms were around her, holding her tightly.


“Tara, I’m so sorry! You came in here stressed, trying to work up the nerve to talk and I went all rant-y outrage on you.” She turned and slid an arm tenderly around Tara’s waist and guided her back to her chair. “Sit.” She pulled her own chair closer so that they sat knee to knee, then she clasped Tara’s cold fingers to warm them between her hands. Her voice was soft, “So tell me.”

[Babbles4Twillow]

DIBS! (on behalf of the current Dibs Mistress)

Okay, 3 in one week?! Woo and Hoo!!

this part made me feel bad because, well, its children, and the words, mind--> gutter

and our dirty winning secret – we’re gonna do it!”

Am I a bad person? LOL

The whole conversation with Willow made my gut churn. The whole evil business and Tara's reaction to it. Willow is right, people who look the other way are not of the good. Yet Tara has a small point too. Sometimes it can only make it worse. There are right ways to go about it, though, you should never just let it be. Puts me in the mind of Concrete angel by Martina McBride, and that song Alyssa Lies, I cant remember who sings that one.

I kinda want to 1. Smack Willow upside the head and tell her to pay attention to what her love is trying to say. In her own way, Tara has already told her, Willow just wasn't reading between the lines.
2. Wrap Tara up in my arms and protect her.

Really looking forward to what happens next!
oh, and btw, I will update soon...cant just leave you hanging like that.
KITTEN LOVE!

[Grimm]

Yeah, that hurt. I can't be mad at Willow for being Willow. She has such a big heart and did not intend to be offensive. But, Tara and her family are victims. You don't blame the victim. Willow kind of stepped in it with her little rant.

My two daughters were adopted out of foster care. They are child abuse survivors. You totally nailed Tara's reaction. This is the only home she knows and the only family she has. Some of these poor kids feel totally guilty for breaking up their family. So, from her perspective, its totally understandable that she would be very reluctant to confide in Willow.

Tara blaiming herself and thinking she's not good enough was very hard to read. It made me want to smack Willow in the back of the head for getting up on her soapbox, without all the facts. But, this is not Willow's fault. All the blame should go to the person committing these unspeakable acts. He's the real coward.

Great job, as always, my friend. We all know that you can write humor and smut like nobodys business. But, you really touched my heart by writing about such an important and dramatic subject and doing it with honesty and with class.

Ps. Devola is insane. If you decide to continue the story, she would be a kick ass slayer-in-training!

[Azirahael]

AAARRGGHH!

This episode makes me feel so... something!
Confused probably.

So: Explainly-ness:

“My legs are all with the love-wobbly.” was awesome! i would have fallen out of my chair laughing, but it's a recliner, so i just fell backwards.

I like that we are making progress towards puzzling Veronica out. I am guessing that Cordelia (Boo-Hiss-Napalm) threatened her with ostracism and general Cordelia (Boo-Hiss-Carpet Bomb) nastiness if she didn't stuff up the team.
I also think that the abuse Willow talks about later is probably Cordelia's (Boo-Hiss-Nuke) doing. I'm really starting to dislike that girl. Although it is possible both she AND Veronica were both abused by a third party, which might prompt some forgiveness/understanding.

Cordelia's (Boo-Hiss-Nuclear Carpet Bomb) insecurities are showing, if she really felt that the Reds were as hopeless as she keeps saying, she wouldn't need to bother with the crazy "We gotta win" stuff. you only do spies, ringers, secret coaches if you think the emeny has a chance. Every time she pulls one of these dumb stunts she just validates her enemies (Ha! spelled it right this time!). About right for a teenager really, so: Well done!

on to the Argh! :
Willow was completely and totally right. Allowing Evil to go unchallenged, is to aid that evil.

“That’s right. Do nothing. Look away. Be nice.” Then Willow stood slowly and her voice stilled, a flat calm in the center of a storm. “That's what evil is, Tara. It's not super-villain-y comic book stuff. Mostly it's just people, nice people, who look the other way.”

this is perfect.

Now, we must all fear evil men. But there is another kind of evil which we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men. - Boondock Saints


And as much as i love Willow for being deep and philosophical and RIGHT, her timing sucks!

Though, now the subject has been brought up and Willow being all clever an' stuff, even if Tara backs out of the big reveal, Willow will (hee!) probably puzzle it out. the whole abuse angle is present in her mind now. Now that she's spotted Veronica, she might start to spot signs elsewhere... like Tara.

[Socialworker rant]
Most times, reporting abuse properly does good, the problem gets fixed one way or another and the bad guys don't often get away with it. The key word here is "Properly". The issue comes when it's based on hearsay, the reporter backs down or the kids say "Um... I lied" or something, usually as a result of intimidation or just fear of being alone. Abuse sucks on toast, but it's what you know and understand, unlike the scarey unknown. It's not un-common for kids uplifted from abusive families into nice caring foster homes, to run away from those homes, back to the abusive homes they were picked up from.
[/Socialworker rant]

I would imagine Tara is worried about what would happen to her and Donnie, after Dad finds out about the reporting, but before the authorities arrive to deal with him. also fear of the unknown, 'cos i can't imagine her life has filled her with confidence and a "Can do!" attitude. Also if her father male gene-donor (He don't deserve the title) is a big deal preacher type in a relatively small community (the kind of community that often lacks social services) and buddy-buddy with the local sheriff, then the usual rules may not apply.

Man, i want Mr Maclay fed to rats. Big Fucking rats. With Rabies.

One day, some time in the future, i'm hoping you'll let us see justice come to clan Maclay, possibly in the form of an EPIC beat-down courtesy of a couple of slayers. Faith is not one to be restrained where her emotions are concerned, and she has some experience of her own. Can you imagine what she would do to Tara's abuser?
Sometimes vengeance is righteous.

Anyhoo, great chapter, looking forward to the next part. I loved it.

so: rose for you
and a party pack of hugs (I sent you extra, so you can share them with friends)
[Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug][Hug]

P.S: hopefully Willow can explain that the rules are different when you are the abused, rather than a simple witness.

P.P.S: Look! i can float a rose now, Yay me!

[zampsa19752001]

Yay for excellent update-y goodness.... I'm really glad that Willow & Tara are trying to find out why Veronica is aiding Bitch C & her lap mutt and helping her to find happiness and move out of Bitch C's shadow... I can't really blame Willow being Willow but she really needs to start listen to her girlfriend before rushing to a wrong conclusion and hurting Tara... I really really hope that Tara finds the courage to correct Willow's mistake so Willow can truly start to heal Tara's mental wounds...

[leonhart17]

Aww, poor Tara... that sucks! Hopefully she'll still open up to Willow, though!

[Mgraham93]

Wow this was a real emotional roller coaster

The opening was great especially Faith

“Hey, T. Sure you didn’t run into a vampire or something? Those neck-biters’ll kill you.”

and Willow still being niave was funny. Though I could see the We hate Cordelia club having a dart board.

The kids plan more humor

Again I liked the parralel between W/T and Veronica and mouse it worked really well.

I'm glad they were able to get the kids to say they'd be friends again, though it seems there's more trouble to come

Tara's conversation with Veronica sounded like some of her conversations with Dawn in the show it was really nice

“It’s the amazing thing that they do. They turn their faces to the sun all day long. They know the sun nourishes them and they follow its warmth and goodness.”

There was a long, contented silence.

Tara’s voice was low. “So that’s what I want you to do, follow the sun.” She gave Veronica another squeeze then pulled back and looked deeply into the little girl’s eyes, “Go with what makes you happy.”

The Anne Frank Diary was an interesting touch, given the circumstances it made Willow's reaction even more logical although I would have thought her parents might have waited till she got back from camp to tell her, then again this is the infamous Sheila Rosenberg we're talking about, so you never know. I do wonder how things would have gone if the book hadn't come when it did.

The snippet of Tara's thoughts was very good- shows that she still loves her family and the mention of her mother not stopping the abuse and blames herself ouch

I'm glad it ended with Willow realising that Tara was trying to tell her the secret

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing. " - Edmund Burke

[beautiful_love]

So sorry for the late feedback. But a great update. And three in a week. Gosh you're ambitious. Can you throw some of that my way?

Poor girls and all their misunderstandings. My heart went out to both of them. But you wrote the scene so well. It had a very touching quality to it. I'm sure when you write the next part it will be amazing as well.

I also liked Tara's talk with Veronica. She really is between a rock and a hard place.

Looking for ward to more!

[Finey_McFine]

Hey Julie!

I wanted to make sure I snuck in here before you updated again because I'm oh so punctual with feedback...not! lol

So, the big reveal for our sweet Tara and it doesn't go as planned. What you've given us is a real sense of the emotional immaturity that teenagers experience and you nailed it. Here they are...in love for the first time, having sex, presumably in a relationship and doing all these big "grown things." Then there's all these heavy duty issues and they are beyond the scope of their emotional maturity and when I say they...I mean Willow. Having never been through it, Willow has no concept and I don't fault her one bit. I do fault her for not being quiet and just listening, but then again...she's young, opinionated and babbly. I think when Tara finally gets it all out and Willow let's it sink in...she'll be singing a much different tune...especially since it involves someone she truly loves. She'll realize where the blame should go and hopefully not drive Tara deeper into herself. I love Willow, as you know, but sometimes I just really want to slap a piece of tape over her mouth, lol.

Great job!! Can't wait until Thursday!!

[faolan228]

Well, first off, where do I sign up for the McFine fanclub, and is SMGOVAN looking for a junior enforcer? lol

Anywho, loved the suspenseful build-up, letting us think that this was the chapter that Tara makes her big reveal, only for it to be..not. I can kinda relate. As a kid, for the longest time I'd seize and flinch when a friend lifted a hand too quickly or too close to my head, made for a lot of awkward high-fives.

The inter-relationships between the kids and how they treat each other is realistic, their black and white views of what's good and bad, and their growing understanding of the place in between. It's kinda refreshing, as most writers write 7-8 year olds as if they were like, 4. So props to you for that.

I also have the sneaking suspicion that if they were to ever meet, my Artie and your Devola would end up getting into all sorts of mad-cap adventures.

[AstronSoul]

Hey Girl,

Loved the update, tho no reveal yet ~pouts~ I know Tara will do it, hopefully in the next chapter Willow listens and doesn't jump to conclusions. Though Willow's babble about those who watch abuse happen and so on has me a lil worried.

Great job and looking for more soon!

~AS~

[wayland]

This is excellent, Ariel. As Shel commented, you've really captured Willow's emotional immaturity. I remember seeing the world in black and white when I was that age, and not having the experience to know that I didn't know. Willow is used to being smart, and while she has an enquiring mind, she also has a teenager's self-obsession. So, once she had the 'right' answer to the problem of Wendy, she thought no more about her.

Tara's reaction is very well written. In a few lines you show she is a mass of conflicting emotions and give a snapshot of her history, the coping mechanisms she used, and the unacknowledged resentments she carries.

[True_Love]

Ariel,
Just wanted to get my two cents in before your update tomorrow. Great job. You are dealing with some really powerful emotions on a sensitive subject and nailing it. In my field I have worked with a lot of kids like this and there definately is some misunderstandings about what is right for a child and a family. Often times there really is no easy answer. In my experience people of all ages make statements like Willow did to Tara. It generally comes from ignorance of the complexities of the cycle of abuse and the trauma it creates in the family dynamic. Hopefully, when Tara finally reveals her secret to Willow it will open her eyes to all the grey between the black and white.

Anyway, great work. Let's make a deal. You keep writing and I'll keep reading.

[Ariel]

Allie AKA Babbles4Twillow:

DIBS! (on behalf of the current Dibs Mistress)

No, no! I consulted the Dibsters Society by-laws and you, yes you! Are now the Dibs Mistress!!! So enjoy this heady triumph!

this part made me feel bad because, well, its children, and the words, mind--> gutter
and our dirty winning secret – we’re gonna do it!”
Am I a bad person? LOL

Absolutely! Sinner! Beast of Beezelbub, Devil’s daughter! You will burn in hellfire and shriek for eternity in the agony of the damned! Oops! Channeling Finch-Bitch, here. Let me just get on the phone and call an exorcist real quick! Brb . . . . . back now!

The whole evil business and Tara's reaction to it. Willow is right, people who look the other way are not of the good. Yet Tara has a small point too. Sometimes it can only make it worse. There are right ways to go about it, though, you should never just let it be. Puts me in the mind of Concrete angel by Martina McBride, and that song Alyssa Lies, I cant remember who sings that one.

Thanks for putting me on to those songs. Don’t listen to Alyssa Lies, though, unless you’re prepared to cry – they’re both on YouTube. Thanks for reading and yes, you are on my write or else list with Jessica and Maggie. More please?


SMGOVAN:
First, read down to faolan228’s post – Enforcer in Training!

Yeah, that hurt. I can't be mad at Willow for being Willow. She has such a big heart and did not intend to be offensive.

It’s true. She thought Tara was talking about not helping one of their kids and Willow does have a big heart. You’re right to put the real blame where it belongs, an adult who abuses his authority and his children.

My two daughters were adopted out of foster care. They are child abuse survivors. You totally nailed Tara's reaction. This is the only home she knows and the only family she has. Some of these poor kids feel totally guilty for breaking up their family. So, from her perspective, its totally understandable that she would be very reluctant to confide in Willow.

Thank you. That meant more than I can say, that you have shared such a touching part of your life. Lots of us want to make a difference in the world and you sure have! Bless your loving heart!

Ps. Devola is insane. If you decide to continue the story, she would be a kick ass slayer-in-training!

Yeah, faolan228’s Artie is very inspiring! See her post below and thanks for reading and feedbacking!


Azirahael:
First, I am still frisking for joy after all those hugs – wahoo!

“My legs are all with the love-wobbly.” was awesome! i would have fallen out of my chair laughing, but it's a recliner, so i just fell backwards.

Yay!!!

Glad you’re sussing little Veronica out. For what it’s worth, Cordelia has not threatened her cousin with physical violence. You’re right about the insane levels Cordelia is going to to win a softball game. The thing is, Tara and Willow are turning her entire world view upside down. Cordelia is threatened that her shallow and comfortable world is being defeated by nerds and losers who are turning her, Cordelia, into a loser at camp. To Cordelia, if she doesn’t ‘beat’ Willow now, then her whole highschool career may be destroyed. Crazy, but it’s there inside her.

on to the Argh! :
Willow was completely and totally right. Allowing Evil to go unchallenged, is to aid that evil.
“That’s right. Do nothing. Look away. Be nice.” Then Willow stood slowly and her voice stilled, a flat calm in the center of a storm. “That's what evil is, Tara. It's not super-villain-y comic book stuff. Mostly it's just people, nice people, who look the other way.”
this is perfect.

“Now, we must all fear evil men. But there is another kind of evil which we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men”. - Boondock Saints

Great quote and Willow IS right – thanks!

[Socialworker rant]
Most times, reporting abuse properly does good, the problem gets fixed one way or another and the bad guys don't often get away with it. The key word here is "Properly". The issue comes when it's based on hearsay, the reporter backs down or the kids say "Um... I lied" or something, usually as a result of intimidation or just fear of being alone. Abuse sucks on toast, but it's what you know and understand, unlike the scarey unknown. It's not un-common for kids uplifted from abusive families into nice caring foster homes, to run away from those homes, back to the abusive homes they were picked up from.
[/Socialworker rant]

You nailed it and you’re right, Tara doesn’t have a ton of confidence and a “Can do” attitude. She is scared to death of breaking up her family and having reprisal rain down on her.

One day, some time in the future, i'm hoping you'll let us see justice come to clan Maclay, possibly in the form of an EPIC beat-down courtesy of a couple of slayers. Faith is not one to be restrained where her emotions are concerned, and she has some experience of her own. Can you imagine what she would do to Tara's abuser?
Sometimes vengeance is righteous.

Definitely under consideration . . . thanks for all the insight and the warmth!


Zampsa19752001:

I'm really glad that Willow & Tara are trying to find out why Veronica is aiding Bitch C & her lap mutt and helping her to find happiness and move out of Bitch C's shadow.

You nailed it! Veronica MUST climb out of the C-darkness to have any shot at happiness! Bravo

I really really hope that Tara finds the courage to correct Willow's mistake so Willow can truly start to heal Tara's mental wounds...

Tara takes a big step, a little more like a stumble, but she is telling her truth. Stay tuned . . . Thanks for reading!


Maggie AKA leonhart17:

Aww, poor Tara... that sucks! Hopefully she'll still open up to Willow, though!

She will, promise! But it isn’t easy . . . Thanks for the feedback! Remember, you’re on the list . . .


Matty AKA Mgraham93:
Glad you liked Willow’s “grow a pair” naivite and the “neck-biters’ll kill you" line. Yeah, things are definitely heating up in about every way that there is EXCEPT yummy sex (damn!) at least for now.

Again I liked the parallel between W/T and Veronica and mouse it worked really well.

Thanks again, I’m using it more consciously – grateful for the help!

The Anne Frank Diary was an interesting touch, given the circumstances it made Willow's reaction even more logical although I would have thought her parents might have waited till she got back from camp to tell her, then again this is the infamous Sheila Rosenberg we're talking about, so you never know. I do wonder how things would have gone if the book hadn't come when it did.

I never can get anything past you – you see all my strategies! AND you’re totally right, if she hadn’t gotten the book, I think the scene would have gone very differently.

The snippet of Tara's thoughts was very good- shows that she still loves her family and the mention of her mother not stopping the abuse and blames herself ouch

Victim mindset, truly tragic.

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing. " - Edmund Burke

Very true, Willow has a point!
As always, thanks for your insight and support!


Jessica AKA beautiful_love:

So sorry for the late feedback. But a great update. And three in a week. Gosh you're ambitious. Can you throw some of that my way?

Nope! You’ll just have to settle for being incredibly witty and a GREAT writer! But you’d better start writing or else! You, Maggie and Allie are all on the ‘write or else’ list!

I also liked Tara's talk with Veronica. She really is between a rock and a hard place.

Glad you were touched by Tara and Veronica’s talk, it IS a tough place for a little girl to be in – thank you so much!


Shelby AKA Finey_McFine:

What you've given us is a real sense of the emotional immaturity that teenagers experience and you nailed it. Here they are...in love for the first time, having sex, presumably in a relationship and doing all these big "grown things." Then there's all these heavy duty issues and they are beyond the scope of their emotional maturity and when I say they...I mean Willow. Having never been through it, Willow has no concept and I don't fault her one bit.

Thank you for saying that because the last thing Willow told Tara was to fill her in on Tara’s talk with Veronica. To Willow it sounds like Veronica is being abused and Tara doesn’t want to do anything about it. THEN Willow has been contemplating Anne Frank’s story and her great-grandmother’s story and the monstrous horror of Hitler’s genocide. Guess what? She gets to be emotional about it. Yeah, maybe she should have seen more, but she had a LOT to deal with herself. We wish she’d handled it differently, but glad you see how really young she is and how much she loves Tara. After all, W + T = immutable law of the universe!

She'll realize where the blame should go and hopefully not drive Tara deeper into herself.

Tara’s biggest secret is revealed in this post – promise! Thanks for reading and f/b-ing especially knowing how crazy busy you are!


faolan228:

Well, first off, where do I sign up for the McFine fanclub, and is SMGOVAN looking for a junior enforcer? lol

No worries, friend! AstronSoul is the President of the Finey_McFine fanclub and I will notify SMGOVAN of your interest. She’s always looking for junior partners to join her in murder, mayhem and *coughs, clears her throat* DAISY chain making, knitting, fluffy bunny petting and other wholesome pursuits. *whew – breathes sigh of relief* ( still in bag!)

As a kid, for the longest time I'd seize and flinch when a friend lifted a hand too quickly or too close to my head, made for a lot of awkward high-fives.

Sister, you are not alone . . promise.

Thanks for the props on writing the kids AND you are dead right about Artie and Devola together – wow, let the insanity begin! (Glad I wrote Devola before Artie or everyone would swear I was ripping off Artie’s character – great job on creating her!) Thanks for reading & feedback!


AstronSoul:
Okay, this two fic business of yours is crazed, so I hope you have a Proposal Plan to keep them both updated or there will be no Second Chance! Also, please initiate faolan228 (see post above) into the Finey_McFine fan club – I believe she gets a decoder ring and a beanie or is it a coffee mug and a mouse pad?

Loved the update, tho no reveal yet ~pouts~

The awesome power of a Dibs-Mistress’ pout! Reveal soon, promise!

Though Willow's babble about those who watch abuse happen and so on has me a lil worried.

She had just remembered her Great Aunt being haunted by her little sister’s death and the unbelievably brutality of “The Final Solution.” I see her moving towards the light. If only she can bring Tara with her. Between dibs-ing and writing you’re pretty busy, so thanks for the read & feedback!


Clare AKA wayland:

Willow is used to being smart, and while she has an enquiring mind, she also has a teenager's self-obsession. So, once she had the 'right' answer to the problem of Wendy, she thought no more about her.

And that little story is my own, down to a class-mate getting hit with a hose and me reporting it and then doing nothing else. The only change is that I was in the 7th grade and 13 years old. I still feel badly over that. Your insight about my/Willow’s immaturity helps.

Tara's reaction is very well written. In a few lines you show she is a mass of conflicting emotions and give a snapshot of her history, the coping mechanisms she used, and the unacknowledged resentments she carries.

Thank you so much. I put a LOT of thought and work and did some personal role-play to try to find this scene. I am so glad it worked . . . wanted to do the situation justice.

As always, thanks for your help and support!


Lexi AKA True_Love:

In my field I have worked with a lot of kids like this and there definately is some misunderstandings about what is right for a child and a family. Often times there really is no easy answer. In my experience people of all ages make statements like Willow did to Tara. It generally comes from ignorance of the complexities of the cycle of abuse and the trauma it creates in the family dynamic. Hopefully, when Tara finally reveals her secret to Willow it will open her eyes to all the grey between the black and white.

I quoted the whole thing because of the insight shared – thank you. Not surprised that you have experience, it shows in Tara’s situation in Remodeling.

Anyway, great work. Let's make a deal. You keep writing and I'll keep reading.

If it goes MY WAY, TOO, then you’ve got a deal, sister! Thanks for taking the time to feedback – I gotta get this out and I’m writing it right now, Thursday at 12:08 a.m.!

STORY WILL FOLLOW (ALMOST) IMMEDIATELY!

[Ariel]

Feedback is golden, thank you for reading!

Title: How I Met Your Mother*
Author: Ariel
Email: blaziak@yahoo.com
Feedback: All feedback welcomed, specific input appreciated, harsh on me via PM
Rating: NC-17 strong language discussion of and brief example of child abuse as well as some violence, light W/T love
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, but I love to take them for a ride!
Summary: A/U before season 1, the summer after Willow's freshman year with a large dose of Queen Cordelia at her bitchy best and teen-aged angst, growing more serious.
Angst Rating: 8 out of 10 – no lives endangered but some real pain
Special Thanks: To Clare/Wayland for her review and advice on the W/T and T/F scenes near the woods. So much better with your help!
Note: The scenes about Tara confiding in Willow took on a life of their own and didn’t fit any kind of standard format for the size of a post. So I’ll do them in three posts all posted within a week. I already posted Monday so I’ll post today, Thursday, and again on Monday. It’s hard for me to write this, feedback is always appreciated but especially now – thanks! Blown away by so much insight and experience in this community, lots of people reaching out with love and making a difference!

Thoughts are in italics

*not related to the sit-com of the same name

“Tara, I’m so sorry! You came in here stressed, trying to work up the nerve to talk and I went all rant-y outrage on you.” She turned and slid an arm tenderly around Tara’s waist and guided her back to her chair. “Sit.” She pulled her own chair closer so that they sat knee to knee, then she clasped Tara’s cold fingers to warm them between her hands. Her voice was soft, “So tell me.”

Chapter 45: Truth or Consequences


Tara felt as if she were pushing each syllable through a pane of glass; there was a shattering inside her. “I-I’m evil Willow, not good like you. You shouldn’t l-love me.” She ducked her head, “I’m not w-worth it.”


Then she waited, her breath burning in her throat, for Willow’s response.


Willow’s face reflected both Tara’s pain and her own confusion. “Tara, what do you mean? Did you do something terrible?”


“I’m t-terrible inside.”


“Did you cheat on a test or steal something or hurt somebody?”


Tara shook her head.


“Then what did you do?”


“It’s not w-what I did. It’s who I am inside.”


“Who are you?”


Tara stared down at her hands as if fascinated by her fingers twisting in her lap. “Please don’t m-make me tell,” Tara swallowed and Willow could hear the tears in her voice.


“Tara, you have to get this out.” Then she fell back on the logic of the very young, “You promised.”


“I - promised.” Tara looked up, her lips were white and she was shaking. “W-Willow, I think I’m g-going to be sick.”


But instead of moving away, as Tara expected, Willow stood and waited for a moment then gathered her close. Tara’s head was against the softness of Willow’s breast and she could hear Willow’s heart beating. Then Willow’s fingers moved in her hair, infinitely tender, and Tara felt a kiss on the top of her head.


Then a familiar voice cut in, “Hel-lo, looks like it’s L-word time in Loser Land.” Cordelia’s usual smirk greeted them as they broke apart and turned to face her. “Don’t worry about me wanting to share about your little activities.” She smoothed her hair from her face, “As if! I have way better things to do.” She raked them up and down with her sharp brown eyes, her lip curling in disgust, “At least this way you can’t breed and make more little nerdling freaks!” She turned to go, then turned back. “Reminder, we have the field after you so don’t even think about taking a second of extra time and, oh yes, Carly was looking for you two. She’s outside the dining hall.” Cordelia shot them a sharp glance, but spoke quietly “You really ought to be more careful, you know; anyone could have walked by and seen you through the window. Lucky the computer lab is out of the way and,” she stared straight into their eyes, “lucky it was me.” Then she turned sharply and walked out of the room.

*************************************************

Willow wanted to stay and finish talking, but Tara pulled herself up and walked out to the dining hall. Willow felt that she had no choice, and followed.


Carly smiled, “Hey, you guys. Can I get a favor?”


Willow managed a smile back, grateful for everything Carly had done for them. “Hey, we’re mega on the favors – just ask.”


Carly looked embarrassed, then laughed. “Mary got invited to the Baptist barbeque by the boy of her dreams, Josh Dibley, so she came up to me and asked me to go with her for moral support.”


Willow nodded, “That sounds fun,” she said cautiously.


Carly rolled her eyes, “Not exactly, but Mary is a sweetie and she’s so excited. This is her first date and she’s just about going crazy.” She shook her head, amused, then got back to business. “So the bus gets back after lunch and you’d be in charge until about an hour after dinner and we’d be back between 7:00 and 8:00 tonight.”


Willow looked at Tara, who nodded slightly then she turned back to Carly. “Sure, we’ll drag them into another softball practice and some of them can go with me to my computer lab tonight.”


Carly smiled, then hesitated. “Tara? Are you okay? You look a little tired or something.”


Tara lifted her head and stretched her lips into a smile. “I’m f-fine, Carly, glad to h-help out.”


Carly stepped forward and gave Tara a quick hug. “Great! We’re gonna take off now. Thanks a million. Mary is the best and she deserves some fun.” She laughed, “And here’s the unbelievable part: we asked permission and Mrs. Finch ok’d it so no problems there.” She waved, then turned and called a final ‘thanks’ over her shoulder before jogging off towards their cabin.


Willow caught Tara’s hand. “Come on, baby. Let’s finish this.”


Tara shook her head. “N-no.” She swallowed, “I don’t f-feel like it.”


“Tara, you’re never going to feel like it, but it’s bad to go all avoid-y girl about this.”


Tara refused to look at her, “Y-you won’t understand!”


“No I won’t, because you won’t give me the chance to understand!”


Tara turned away, her voice barely audible, “I’m g-going to finish oiling the tack and putting it back together.”


Willow stepped forward quickly and caught Tara’s wrist, “Tara, please—“


Tara jerked her hand free, eyes wide and staring, “Don’t touch me!” Then she ran for the stables.

*************************************************

The kids piled off the bus, dirty and tired but glad to be back.


Devola shook her head, “Those were the worst sandwiches ever, DIS-GUST-INNNNNNG! ‘Egg salad’ what a lie! It’s like egg barf or if an egg had dia—“


Connie clapped a dirty hand over Devola’s mouth and they struggled on the bottom step of the bus. “Don’t you say it, Devola! I mean it!” Then Connie’s eyes went wide with horror as she jerked her hand away, “She LICKED me! She licked my hand! Oh no, I’m gonna die of Devola spit! Help! Murder!” Connie raced to the bathroom to sterilize her hand while Devola grinned in triumph, her bad mood forgotten.


Willow sighed but managed to wave and greet the returnees until Bettina stomped down the steps and asked, “Where’s Tara?”


“Cleaning tack in the stables, she’s probably done by now.”


Bettina straightened eagerly, “I’ll go help!” The other girls wanted to help, too, and Willow sent them off while she waited for the 12 year olds who were the last to get off. They also insisted on helping clean tack and hoped to get information about the upcoming long rides from Tara. The older girls accepted Carly’s and Mary’s absence easily and were fine with helping the little kids practice softball.

*************************************************

The dinner bell rang and Willow looked at her watch, “But it’s not even dinner time!”


Dee Hoffryn explained, “They serve a snack after trail day, ‘cause they know the lunches are pretty crappy. Usually a piece of bread and butter and some fruit salad or a yoghurt cup.


Fortunately the tack was done so everyone filed in together.


Towanda, however, hung back and made a point of grabbing Lisa’s and Devola’s arm. “What’s wrong with Tara?”


Lisa was worried, “I don’t know. It must be a really strong spell. She didn’t even smile.”


“She did, too!”


“I meant a real smile.”


Towanda nodded, “So have you found the magic to break the spell?”


“Yes, it’s scary and it has to happen when the moon is full or close to it, so that’s tonight or tomorrow night.”


“Wow!” Devola’s eyes widened with excitement. “What do we have to do?”


Lisa looked around, then pulled them closer and whispered her solution then raised her head, “So tonight, all of us have to do it.”


Her friends gasped and Lisa nodded solemnly. “It’s the only way.”

*************************************************

Faith grinned at the extra large crowd for practice. “Assistant Coaches, great!” She divvied them up into smaller groups using the better players who were patient to work one on one.


Batting was the first priority, then they ended by sharpening their fielding skills against the bigger girls and Veronica ran up from her position in left field to catch a fly ball and throw it home. “Nice shot, V. – way it burn it in!” Veronica smiled, then hesitated and ran over to Faith. “What’s up, squirt? You’re slowing us down.”


Veronica kicked back at the ground with her heel. “I wanna play good, just for practice, play my best position.” She looked up to meet Faith’s eyes, “Can I? Please.”


Faith looked down. “Best position? And that would be – shortstop!”


Veronica’s jaw dropped, “How did you know?”


“Easy. You’re playing outfield but you’re standing on the balls of your feet like an infielder. Then you’re moving whenever a play goes to shortstop. You jerk your hands, move your shoulders. I can see you making the play in your head, besides that’s not a fielder’s glove.” She raised her voice, “Kate, take third. Devola, take left field!”


Devola grinned and shouted, “Good! I hate it when a ball gets hit to me!”


Faith grinned, “So do I, kid, so do I,” but she was careful to talk softly and nobody heard.


Practice was nearly done when Dee Hoffryn stepped up to bat with only one out and the bases loaded. She took the first pitch and ripped a line drive straight to Veronica who caught the ball, staggered back two steps, and managed to toss it to Kate before the third base runner could tag up.


Faith yelled, “Double play, third out and THAT’S THE BALLGAME!” Everyone ran in and Veronica was smiling, face flushed with happiness as she was patted, punched affectionately and praised by her team-mates.


Tara smiled. She felt herself thawing a bit, glad that Veronica was happy, and walked over to share a hug with her. Then she looked up, seeing the pine branches with sunlight shining on their needles and savored the beauty around her. She offered a tentative smile to Willow who returned it eagerly and walked over, “H-hey, take the girls and grab the bases and I’ll carry the equipment bag so Faith can run back for dinner prep.”


“Hey, I’m all with the help-y.”


Tara’s voice was gentle, “I just w-want to think a little, okay?”


Willow did her best to hide her disappointment and gathered the gear with the girls accompanying her. Tara took a last look and retrieved Mouse’s glove from right field then walked back to shoulder the bag.


She paused, hearing voices, and looked up to see Veronica at the edge of the woods, her high frightened voice carrying, even though Tara couldn’t make out her words. Then Cordelia grabbed the little girl’s shoulders and shook her, shook her hard and Tara saw Veronica stiffen in fear.


Tara charged across the field, propelled by a fury she didn’t know that she was capable of, “Let go of her!”


“Get lost, Tara! She’s my family and I can do what I want with her!”


“NO YOU CAN’T!”


Tara’s skin suddenly felt fevered and too tight as if a monster was inside her, bursting through her flesh to grab Cordelia and rip her apart. Her fingers curved into the shape of claws and she tore Cordelia’s hands off Veronica’s shoulders.


She saw Cordelia shrink back.


Then Veronica broke and ran, but not before Tara saw her small terrified face lifted up to her own. Oh, no. Oh no! Tara stared at her forearms, knotted with tension and her hands, newly curled into fists. Her eyes widened in horror at the fury surging inside her, racing through her body like a fast acting poison. She looked up just in time to see Cordelia step forward and give her a ringing slap across her face.


Her cheek burned and her head snapped back, but she took the blow and knew that she deserved it; she had lost control. She had let the evil out.


Cordelia’s eyes widened for the barest instant, then she walked away, but Tara didn’t register the fact. She touched her cheek, caught a drop of blood on her finger and clenched her fist around it. I am turning into a monster, turning into my Dad. Then she bent over, raised her fists and smashed them down against her thighs. I’ll beat it down, beat down the hate, beat—


“Tara!” Willow caught one wrist and Tara stared at her; she had not even known that Willow had run back.


“Tara, what are you doing?”


Tara looked into Willow’s frightened green eyes; such innocence and love was painful to her now and she shook off Willow’s hand.


“Tara, what’s wrong with you?”


“What’s ‘wrong’ with me?” Tara stared desperately into Willow’s eyes, “Have you ever wanted to kill someone? Pictured them dead and been happy about it?” Willow shook her head slowly, “But that’s me, W-willow. That’s my secret, the secret you w-wanted to hear; that I’m evil and full of hate. I’m not like y-you and I can never be like you. I h-hate my father, I hate my mother,” her voice broke, “And I hate myself!”


Willow stood as still as an ice-bound branch, her face white. There was a shocked silence.


Willow is scared of me. Her eyes. Oh, oh please don’t let her cry over me!


Then Willow found her voice, “No, Tara! I love you.” She stepped closer, reaching out with shaking fingers to clasp her lover’s hand.


Tara stepped back, “No! You l-love the illusion of Tara, the n-nice person y-you think I am, who I pretend to be,” her voice broke, “Who I w-wish I was.”


“I know who you are, Tara”


Tara raised her shaking hands and suddenly she was screaming, “This is who I am, yelling and hitting and hurting and hating! THIS IS WHO I AM!”


“Tara!”


“GO!”


“Tara listen—“


“Just go!”


Their eyes locked, an agony between them.


Tara swallowed. “Please go,” she said softly.


It was the softness of Tara’s voice that did it. Willow bowed her head, turned and walked away.

*************************************************

Tara heard Willow’s quiet footsteps leaving and forced herself to turn her back on the love she no longer deserved. Moments passed while she tried to control her ragged breathing then a rough hand grabbed her shoulder and spun her around. She stared into Faith’s angry eyes.


“What the fuck did you do to Red? She looks like someone ripped her goddam heart out!”


“I told her who I am,” Tara replied tonelessly.


“I got no time for this bullshit!”


Tara’s face twisted, “She doesn’t understand, she can’t understand what it’s like for people like us.”


“’People like us’?” Faith’s voice was scornful.


“P-people who h-have a h-hard time at h-home and—“


“So what’s your deal, T? Your dad beats the crap out of you once in a while? Big fucking deal! What if you don’t know your dad? What if Mommy’s boyfriends try to fuck you, wanna rape your sorry ass? Is your Dad a drunk? Is he using? Does he have a job?”


Tara looked down and Faith forced her head back up, “God damn it, don’t look away from me! You eat dinner, T? How about breakfast and lunch? You have a house to live in? Oh, your dad has a job, a J-O-B fucking job! Well isn’t that nice! How about your Mom? She hug you? Pat your head and tell you she loves you and all that fucking bullshit that I don’t have a clue about? You know why I play watchdog for you and Red?” Faith looked away and spat the words out, “Because it’s as close as I’ll ever get to having what you have!” Then she met Tara’s eyes, her face rigid but her eyes glittering like a terrified animal’s as she whispered “Because if someone loved me like that, I wouldn’t know what to do, how to let them . . .” Her voice hardened, “I have hook-ups, you make love. What the fuck, it’s easier that way!”


She pushed past Tara and suddenly Tara knew that she had to stop her, that Faith needed saving as surely as if she were drowning in the lake. Without a word, she threw her arms around Faith and hung on. Faith jerked back, twisted to the side and they both crashed to the ground.


Hold her, hold her, hold her! Tara locked her legs behind Faith’s knees, tightened her grip around Faith’s body and hung on as Faith thrashed, rolled, squirmed and fought to free herself. Finally they both paused, panting with exertion until Faith glared straight into Tara’s eyes and resumed her struggle. Hold her, hold her, hold her. For the first time Tara used all the strength of her young body not to flee, not to endure, but to fight for someone she loved.


Then Faith looked up, her mouth working and her eyes dilated with fear before she dropped her face onto Tara’s shoulder and clung to her, shuddering. Tara closed her eyes and held Faith even tighter, patting her back but knowing enough to stay silent.

*************************************************

Looking back, years later, Tara didn’t see how she could have behaved any differently; even if she had known about the watcher in the woods.