by guitar_girl » Sun Oct 23, 2011 9:24 pm
TITLE:: The Other Side
AUTHOR:: guitar_girl
RATING:: PG-13 for right now. It could most definitely work itself into NC-17 at some point down the line. I will give fair warning when/if this happens!
DISCLAIMER:: Willow, Tara and any other BtVS characters, and maybe some scattered dialog, belong to Mutant Enemy. I have added a few original characters from my head that are my own!
SUMMARY:: I am soooooo bad at summarizing! AU and set in the mountains! Willow is in an accident and falls into a coma. Tara, Willow's best friend since middle school, is the only one that she can communicate with. Can Willow's love for Tara bring her back or is she lost to the other side forever?
FEEDBACK:: Yes please! I want brutal honesty! The more feedback the better!
AUTHOR’S NOTE:: Hello Kittens! This is my very first fic, well EVER! I have never really wrote anything before besides essays. This story does have angst but rest assured that things will be very much okay! I would like to thank my beta ExtraFlamey! It means a lot that you are taking time to help me with my story!
Chapter 4
Tara sat unmoving, looking at the blank TV mounted on the wall. It was already on some home shopping network. Nothing says your loved one may die like an egg slicer, for $19.95 plus shipping and handling, I guess. She was staring right through the TV not even paying attention to the Billy Mayes replacement.
My mind was not on the egg slicer or the openness of the room or the creepy, too clean looking bathroom. It was on the fact that I could still live. I could come back to her and make this all better. Why was I here in this form if I wasn’t dead? I didn’t understand that part, but I guess it didn’t matter as long as I came back.
I walked over and sat down on the couch beside her. I just wanted to comfort her as well as being comforted myself as I didn’t know what was going to happen now. What happens if I die? Will I still be here or will I just disappear? I just wish I knew what to expect. The only thing that I was sure of was my love for her. I would fight to stay with her no matter what.
I reached out to touch her face. This was the moment of truth. If she responded like she did last time then I would know for sure that she could feel me here with her. If she did nothing then I would know that it was just a coincidence.
My transparent hand shook as I reached out slowly to stroke her cheek. My heart was pounding with an unadulterated need to touch her. My trembling, transparent fingers were so close to her slender cheek that I felt the warmth of her body warming my hand. I was so scared that it wouldn’t work and that she wouldn’t feel my hand caressing her cheek with all the love that I had flowing through me and into my fingertips. I had no choice but to try though.
I inhaled deeply as I braced myself for the touch. Just a few more millimeters and I would know for sure if she felt me here with her. My body was shaking all over and I felt like I had just got off of a rollercoaster as I closed the distance between my fingertips and her cheek. I felt my fingers slip though her cheek. It warmed my incorporeal body and lit a fire deep within my soul.It felt so good, but so completely unbearable at the same time and I wanted to cry as I sat there trying to stroke her cheek but not really being able to.
I was losing hope when she didn’t move as I maintained the attention on her cheek with my hand. I switched from stroking up her cheek with the back of my hand to just sitting there cupping her cheek in my non existent hand. In reality I was just sitting there with my hand hovering just on her skin while barley slipping through it, mingling our two life forces together. I had almost given up when I heard her sigh and reach up and slowly run her hand over the spot where my hand occupied.
I caught my breath and I almost screamed with unabashed joy when I realized that she could feel me, it was actually working. I had a renewed surge of optimism as I ran my hand through her beautiful, brown hair and back onto her cheek. Her hand returned to her lap as she just sighed and leaned into my touch. I kept it up as the warmth that flowed through my hand started to run up my arm. She was fueling my soul, and I could feel myself responding to the warmth that she was causing me, like an addict to their drug. Only I was addicted to her.
I almost jumped out of my translucent skin when I heard her speak. It broke me out of my stupor and made me realize where I was and what was happening. It almost made me sober up from the euphoric high I was getting from her warmth.
“I know I look stupid talking to myself in this waiting room but I don’t care. Willow, please be okay. I don’t know what I would do without you. We got into that stupid fight the last time we talked and if you leave me like that forever I am really going to be pissed at you. I don’t want those to be my last words to you. Please don’t let those be my last words to you when I have so much else to say. I know the nurse said that you were still alive but I can feel you here. I felt you in my car, and I feel you here beside me rubbing my cheek. You always know how to calm me down.” She paused a second to stop the tears from rolling down her face. I didn’t know what to do so I just sat and listened until she was done.
“How can I feel you here with me when you are supposed to be alive? Are you really here or am I already going crazy without you? Please, just don’t leave me." she seemed so broken, but then a fire lit up behind her eyes making them blaze. "I also want to know what the hell you were doing in the middle of the damn road. It was stupid and selfish." she had raised her voice into her stern mode, but she didn't speak above a whisper. Her arms were talking with her, flailing around trying to make every point just a little bit stronger. "Look what you have gotten yourself into. I leave you alone for twenty minutes and you go and get yourself killed. That is just like you to go and do something so stupid so that I wouldn’t be mad at you anymore. Well, damn you Willow, because it worked. You hear me Willow Rosenberg, it worked! So just come back to me so I can kick your ass for being so stupid." She deflated as she looked up towards the ceiling. "Please, please, come back to me.” her voice faded at the end of her plea as her head dropped downwards making her hair fall around her face like curtains hiding a tragic scene. She brought on hand up to cup her head as she rested upon it and I saw tears falling slowly from her face and soaking her already wet jeans some more.
I could feel myself crying, even though I knew it should be impossible. I wanted to tell her that everything would be alright even if I wouldn't. I wanted to let her know that I was here with her and that I would always be here with her, death couldn’t change that. I moved my hand from her cheek to her hand. Instead of hovering over it, like I was trying to do with her cheek, I let my hand disappear and meld into her hand. I saw another tear run down her cheek as she took her other hand and put it on top of our bonded hands as if she was trying to comfort me.
I opened my mouth to tell her that everything was going to be okay no matter what happened when a nurse entered the room with an older doctor. He was ruggedly handsome and had a wisdom that shone in his gray eyes through his glasses. He was tall, though not a giant, and looked in pretty good shape for his age. He had a kind smile that automatically made you feel like family when he looked at you.
“Ms. Maclay? Tara Maclay?” The doctor asked, in a British accent, as he walked in.
“Yes, that's me. Is the surgery over already? Is she okay?” Tara questioned him frantically.
“Ms. Maclay, I am Dr. Giles, it is a pleasure to meet you, though I just wish it were under different circumstances.” He paused to take off his glasses and wipe them. It looked like a nervous habit that he had developed over the years. “You are Ms. Rosenberg’s emergency contact. Does she have any other family that we need to contact?” he asked, putting his glasses back on and avoiding Tara’s question for a moment.
“I am all the family she had. I mean she has more friends, but no family. Is she okay, doctor?” Tara asked again, her knees wobbling and getting ready to buckle beneath her. I stood up and tried to place a steadying hand at the small of her back but it just hovered there useless. I knew it wasn’t completely useless when I heard her intake a quick breath.
“Tara, Willow sustained quite a few injuries in the accident. She has a broken arm and both of her legs are broken from where the car hit her. She has major cuts and bruises everywhere. We were able to repair the internal bleeding that she sustained; unfortunately, there was also some head trauma. I am afraid that Ms. Rosenberg is in a coma, and as is the case with all comas, the longer that she takes to wake up the less likely she is to wake up at all. I’m sorry; I know how hard this must be. She has the best care and she is as comfortable as we can make her. I’m afraid the rest is just a waiting game.”
“Thank you for everything that you have done. I know it would mean a lot to Willow. It means a lot to me.” She said as she stood up shaking his hand as if they had just played a game of basketball and she had lost. There was silent tears running down her face now, and I wanted to wipe them away for her. “Can I see her?” she asked pleading with the doctor.
“Yes, I think that'll be all right. I will take you down there.” He moved to the door, paused for Tara to follow him and strode off down the corridor.
I walked behind them wondering what I would look like when I saw myself. I wonder if I could just hop back into my body. What would happen if I could hop back into my body? Would I remain in a coma, only trapped in my mind, or would I wake up? It was scary to think about but I had to try something.
I stood just outside the doorway that Tara and Giles had just gone through. I didn’t know how prepared I was to see my body laying there without me in it. I know I saw it at the sight of the accident but I was in shock and now the reality of it all was hitting me all at once.
I heard Dr. Giles speak after a few moments of silence in the room, my room, room 315. “Tara, I am going to give you some time alone. If you need anything please feel free to have someone page me. I will answer any questions you might have.”
“Thank you, Dr. Giles. You are a very kind man.” she said, acknowledging Dr. Giles as he left the room giving her a very concerned look.
The doctor came out of the room, passing right through my invisible body. It was nothing like the touches with Tara. It was cold and unfamiliar but it didn’t hurt at all. Dr. Giles stopped instantly turning around and giving the spot where I was standing a very curious look. He quickly brushed off the encounter and moved steadily down the hallway.
I stood there for just a second and decided that I might as well face myself sometime. I walked slowly into the room where I saw Tara standing at the foot of my bed staring at my broken body with a deep sadness darkening her beautiful blue eyes.
I looked so small. I know I am a small girl but I always thought of myself as strong and unbreakable. I was always tough as nails growing up. I was the girl that would laugh when everyone else was crying. I could always pick myself up, brush myself off, and go on stronger than before but I didn't know if I could pick myself up this time, from this fall. I was really broken.
Both my legs were in casts and my left arm was also in a cast where it had broken my fall on the pavement. My face was bruised all over and I could see black and blue peeking out from all around my gown. I guess the FBI wouldn’t want this anymore. All I saw when I looked at myself was broken goods and broken dreams. It was worth it though. I had almost caught her.
Technically, I had caught her, but this wasn’t exactly what I would call a win for the team. I was dying and she was devastated, but at least she was here with me. I didn’t even deserve that. I deserved to be alone in this room and her to be happy somewhere else.
I wish that she hadn’t seen me get hit by that car. She could be somewhere getting over our friendship, instead of being trapped in this hell with me. I wished I could take her pain away but I was the one causing it. It’s always the same old song and dance.
“Willow? Can you hear me? Please wake up, Willow. Please wake up. I need you. Who am I gonna fight with? Who am I going to watch Bones with? Who is gonna scare the living shit outta every boy that comes within ten feet of me? Who is going to drive me absolutely insane? Who is going to drag me out of the house when I want to hole up in my room? Who is going to call me beautiful and make me feel special no matter how I feel? I need you, Willow. I don’t know if I can handle not getting one of your random goofy drawing text messages to make my day better. Please, please come back to me. I love you.” Tara was sobbing at the foot of my bed. Her hand was hovering over my legs. I could tell that she wanted to reach out and grab me and hold on for dear life but she was afraid that she would hurt me.
“Oh God, Tara, I love you more than you will ever know! I will never leave you. I promise I will never leave you.” I said it out loud, my voice cracking, tears running down my face. I just wanted to hold her in my arms and kiss away her pain.
“Willow? Oh my god, Willow, was that you? Please don’t let me be imagining this.” She had instantly whirled around to where she thought my voice was coming from.
“You can hear me?” I said with obvious shock in my voice.
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, not touched.
But are felt in the heart.
Helen Keller