It Gets Better Project

[BeMyDeputy]

If you track the news at all, you've probably heard about Billy Lucas. He was a 15 year old in Indiana that hanged himself, and the current understanding as to why is that he was harassed at school because his classmates assumed he was gay. (Fuckers)

Anyway, Dan Savage has started up a project to tell queer kids that it gets better. It's cleverly named the "It Gets Better Project." People are recording their stories, what they did with themselves after high school, how much better their lives are now, and how families that aren't understanding at first can become incredibly supportive and loving.

We have a wide range of ages around, and I think that people might benefit from either giving or getting this message.

You can find the project here: http://www.youtube.com/itgetsbetterproject

[JustSkipIt]

What a wonderful project.

Peace.

[xita]

I read a story today, about a young man who committed suicide after having his roommate show a live broadcast of him engaging in sex with another man in his bedroom. It made me terribly sad and I thought of this great project you posted about.

I also thought it would be nice to post our stories here, where a young struggling person might bump into them.

I remember struggling as a teen, convinced my parents would kick me out and throw me on the streets. Coming from a latino, immigrant, religious background, I could not imagine my parents accepting this. I struggled thinking I would never be happy and find a lover and even then my family would hate me.

I only stopped feeling the fear when I could financially support myself. Even then, I would not come out to my parents. Everyone around me knew, but not my parents. I tried to speak to my mother, and she would say, some things are better left unsaid. She refused to listen to me. Even though, by this point, I knew they knew. My brother had told them. But they still would not talk to me.

I had to be a grown woman in thirties, finally involved with a woman that I was proud and sure of. I shouted the truth to them. And they said, well we know and we love you. I told them, you never said. You never said anything. My mother expressed that yes, she had not wanted to hear it. It took a long time, but she's made peace with it. It was so liberating.

My parents ended up moving in with me and my wife. My dad died shortly after that and my mother is stayed living with us now. My parents loved my wife like a daughter. She even called them mama and papa. My mother can even take a joke about getting a lesbian lover in her old age. It does get better, a lot better.

I believe it gets better when you find the courage to come out, to be an example to people who know you. When you trust that people love you enough to get over it. Remember, people's first reaction is not always the lasting reaction. Think of how long it takes some of us to accept the truth in ourselves. Our loved ones sometimes need the same time. Don't make it worse, give them time and space.

It really does get better.

[JustSkipIt]

Xita - Great idea about posting our own stories here. I'll try to do mine here and hope it's helpful.

I was pretty clueless as a teenager. Honestly, it didn't really occur to me that I might be gay; I just knew that I didn't really like boys or think about my wedding or anything. I wrote it all off to not fitting in at high school. I do remember one time I was meeting with my calculus teacher after school and she was wearing a skirt with slit up the side and I could see her leg. She saw me looking and closed up the skirt but I felt really weird about it and it always stuck in my head. Interestingly, she was a relatively out lesbian in a long-term relationship (plus a spectacular teacher) and I always wonder if we fast-forwarded 20 years would she be like the Gay/Straight Student Alliance sponsor or something?

Anyway, I went to college and couldn't leave my home fast enough. Once there, it sort of hit me like a ton of bricks. I liked girls. I liked one girl - my roommate specifically. But it was 1985. There was no internet. There was no Ellen. There was no... nothing. I heard there was a gay bar and I took my fake id and went out there but it was just smoky and a bunch of folks playing pool and ignoring me. The best thing was that my friends were all so supportive. They were all "Debra, we love you. We don't care who you love and if we meet someone for you, we'll introduce you!"

My next year of college I met my first girlfriend and we met some friends and my friends were still all supportive. One by one I came out to my family members. My mother was upset for about a week (literally), then she welcomed me and my gf with very open arms and she actually came out of the closet about 6 years later.

Fast-forward 25 years: I'm out to absolutely everyone in my life - family and extended family, work, friends, neighbors. I have a wonderful partner who I'd marry in a moment were it legal and 2 children together.

It was hard being young, feeling alone, feeling lonely. But I believe the world is better for young gay and lesbian people now. And my life is wondrous and miraculous and amazing.

It gets better. I promise.

[bytrsuite]

President Obama made a video.

My most favorite radio personality, Stephanie Miller, made one, too.