New Fic - Neverland

[Mrs. Pineapple]

I'm thinking I must seem incredibly rude by now, but I can't help it... Update please! I don't think you've forgotten about this, really, but an update would be really great right now.

Oh, while I'm at it, I've forgotten to say this the last FB:

She just hadn't enjoyed Tara.

Willow frowned, not liking the thought but suspecting that it was true.

Somehow this line really got to me. I think it's because it tells me so much more about Willow. Part of her really doesn't want to be in love with Tara, but on the other hand, she clings to it more than to anything. The certainty of her love for the blonde. Which is why she immediately launches into a mental battle at the idea of not enjoying Tara's company.

And this too:

The sight of Willow, in pjs, snuggling her stuffed dog as she waited on a story from her turned her heart into a pile of love-struck goo.

This nearly made my own heart melt.
Really, really great stuff

In the mean time, I keep on praying

[vampyregurl73]

I'm relatively new to the board and multiple people have suggested this story to me, and to be honest I had kinda put it off knowing it was unfinished but my curiosity finally got the better of me so now after two days of reading I finally get the latest installment. I have to say I'm blown away. Not only has this been an ongoing story for years now but it is so well loved by all of the readers a group that I now fall into.

I love the obliviousness of Tara and Willow; that it's taken Buffy this long to catch on to her best friends being head over heels for each other and that Xander even let Buffy think horribly of him for years because of his promise to Willow and his efforts to protect her in spite of what his other best friend thinks.

Like everyone else I can't wait for the next chapter. Your funny, intelligent style makes for wonderful reading.

And from one Heather to another I love your choices of Heart, The Black Keys and even the guilty pleasure of "bringing sexy back'.

[EasierSaid]

Kittens So, since I last updated, my son has gotten teeth, learned how to walk and thank you sweet baby Jesus, learned how to sleep. Kind of. (It's a work in progress, but then, aren't we all.) Thank you, thank you, thank you for your continued patience!

WillowRTaraM1 Yay for giddy! And thanks re: the laughs. This was so much fun to write. I love goofy, flirty Willow and Tara. I think I've been waiting five years to write that scene!

Mrs. Pineapple They do tend to do that, don't they, the bad thoughts? But no bad thoughts here, only happy, stomach flipping omgomgomg thoughts. Buffy... I feel badly for her, she has a serious lack of information. Someone clue that girl in! Glad you approve of the increase in their physical relationship. Don't know the Norah Jones song but will definitely YouTube it once my son is up. No worries about the impatience, I feel the same way about fics I like. And thank you for being patient. Family life is indeed time consuming, but never fear, this story is always with me and I will do everything I can to finish. I'm so glad you feel the story is recognizable and that it resonates. That is incredibly satisfying to read. Thanks re: their quirks, too. I try to picture each character as they were on the show; I don't want them to be caricatures, you know? I'm so glad you like how I've written the characters, especially Xander. He gets the short stick in a lot of fics, so it's been fun to write him as the Xander I thought he could be, in the right situation. (S5 Xander, for the most part.) I'm glad you like the plot, because for so long it felt like there wasn't one! I didn't have one when I started writing, it just sort of... appeared like one of those spells in a witch movie, the words writing themselves on the page. Thanks re: the smut. It's hard to write, so I'm glad you enjoy. I like how you've imagined things going. I do that with incomplete fics I love. I hope you like where the story is going. And re: Willow not enjoying Tara - I think she's just so scared of making a mistake. She's lived a pretty structured life up till now, and the idea of letting go a little is very scary. And Willow in PJs with the doggy - who can resist. Thanks for the very kind feedback. Very much appreciated. Please enjoy the update.

Bellalocke Oh no, don't say the p-word! (Progress - let's just hope you didn't jinx anything. ) I'm glad you loved the update - yay! Willow comes out to her mom Saturday, and this next update starts with Friday morning. So, imminent coming-outage. Hope you enjoy the next bit, and where the story goes after that.

Zampsa1975 So glad you liked Tara's story. It was so ridiculous and fun to write. I snickered quite a bit imagining what she would say. Amen about continued mutual touching. (That sounded dirty.) Buffy... poor girl just needs the full scoop, then I think she'll be the Buffy we all know and love. How everything will unfold with Willow's mom, Tara, Buffy... have to wait and see, but I think it's safe to say that once everyone has the full information, their core selves will shine through. Enjoy the next part!

fhiwda Marvelous, why heaven's to Betsy I'm blushing. Thank you very much, so glad you loved, despite the total and complete lack of smoochies.

writerfreak Hehe, you probably couldn't have said 'that's what she said!' Thank you very, very much.

chickfactor Thank you!

irishgrl3 Hopeful for Buffy is good. Just have to remember that no one is telling her anything. She's totally bereft of reliable information. Poor dear. I'm so glad you liked those two parts - was so worried that they were 100% Wisconsin cheeseball. Thank you as well re: the story. Just tried to extrapolate what we saw on the show. And thanks re: the long updates. I am long-winded, and am grateful that that makes up for my extreme pokeyness. Enjoy the next part Anna - thanks again!

AmberGoddess Stamp of approval - yay! So glad you liked, and that you thought the story was hilarious. And 'that's what she said' - totally seems like something that Willow would say and then get completely bashful about. Had to include it. Hope you like the next part.

MagicPancakes Welcome back! Glad there were many updates waiting for you, and that you enjoyed them. And reread - wow! Thank you for the Snoopy dance - please enjoy the next update.

JustSkipIt All caught up? Probably, since I've been gone for just under forever and a day. (Seriously? Babies are a lot of work. But then, you knew that...) Good thoughts on That Damned Day in the Park (TM, Cam). I think it's totally safe to say that that day and the painting are related. More on that in future updates, for sure. Interstitial - completely. I'm really glad you liked the Buffy and Buffy/Dawn parts. I haven't written outside of Willow and Tara's relationships with people much, so I was nervous it would really fall flat, but am so glad it seemed to work. I love Buffy and Dawn's dynamic, so it was fun to have a chance to play with it a bit. Buffy does know... she just doesn't know much else. Poor, poor thing. Going to make all of her future interactions very treacherous indeed! Loved your thoughts on how the whole post-coming out, dating thing is going to happen. You're right, totally so many different ways it can go. Hopefully the way this story seems to want to go isn't too completely lame. Baby is doing great - see first note in replies - and thankfully he's such a ham that pictures are a breeze. Can you tell that I am one proud mom? Thanks so much Debra, as always!

Zooeys_Bridge Fireside chat definitely emboldened! And very funny with the quoteathon. You picked a lot of ones that I liked as well. I love Buffy and Dawn together, so it was a total pleasure to take a crack at writing their relationship. I'm so glad you liked it. I'm glad you liked Willow asking Tara to tell her the story. They're definitely opening up! So glad you like the last update; hopefully you'll like the next, as Buffy clues in and more. Thanks again!

Owl Ooo the Romans - I love the Romans. What with the aquaducts and Pax Romana and all. Sorry about the monkey claw though, that's never fun. I'm so glad you liked the last update; it felt good to be silly and flirty after that big, emotional fireside chat. Thank you re: the moments you liked, and no worries on the slackertude. And hehe about saying 'that's what she said' before Willow got the chance. I'm glad someone else thought that besides Willow and me. Thanks so much - I hope you enjoy the next update.

I_love_Danish Well hopefully there's a *little* fun in the foreplay or else I'm meeeean! And yes, they're way, way, way too polite, but bless their hearts just the same. As much as I'd love for grabbing to happen, the story just doesn't want to go that way. Honestly, if I tried to write it before it's time it would stick out like a sore thumb. So, I'm just going to let this bad boy unfurl and hope that one day, someday, they do indeed kiss. Hope you like the next part and thanks as always!

WillowRulez Isn't it weird what you miss when you're homesick? I'm glad you liked Buffy's line about the fog. I miss SF fog all the time. Bizarre. I agree that Tara needed a shot in the arm, and thank goodness Buffy provided it. Thanks so much re: grown-up Dawn. I like Dawn, and thought by S7 we were seeing the kind of person she could become with a little loving attention. It means a lot that you think this version works. Buffy is indeed perceptive about Tara loving Willow... just not about much else, though poor dear, she's working with bad intel. Hopefully that'll clear up soon, for her sake and the ones around her. Please enjoy the next bit!

DaddyCatALSO Glad you're glad that Buffy is back. Hopefully her suspicions will be made more clear in this next update. I think you're right that they're going to complicate her talk with Willow. She is working with really crappy information, so her thoughts are close... but not quite spot on. Totally sucks for her. Agree that Shelia is going to be a beast to tackle. Coming out is hard, and it will probably be hard to write that scene in a way that isn't overly maudlin or trite. Though, I am looking forward to it, believe it or not. Tara, her deadline and Willow's coming out are definitely nearing a collision. Not sure if it's good or bad for her yet... time will tell. Love your thought on how Willow will come clean with Tara... keep reading to find out if that's the way it goes. "...once the more angsty chapters are done"? Oh man, don't jinx, don't jinx! And so wild about the casting. Too funny. Thanks so much! (And re: Through the Looking Glass, I don't think Chris is updating anymore...? Maybe... that's what I thought. Such a shame; I love Chris, he did so much to promote this little tale through his site, and his feedback always put the biggest smile on my face. So thought-provoking and fun. His presence is missed.)

shiraz So happy to see you back! I hope you enjoyed the updates and thanks for the family well wishes. It has been a blessed year, that's for sure. And hey! I beat your feedback! I kid, I kid. Please enjoy the next update and thanks again!

TinyWillow Perfect? Aw, shucks. /Kicks rocks, looks bashful. And five-year-old twins! Good lord, I bow before you, that's hard work! If it helps, the suspense is killing me and I know what's going to happen. Thank you though for your kind words, truly. I'm glad you're enjoying; please enjoy the next bit, even if it is a wee bit tardy.

inspiron Thank you very much. Buffy does indeed know, and you'll see more in the next update what she thinks is going on. I'm glad you think each chapter is getting more intimate; it feels that way when I'm writing it too. Your timeline is right on - great memory! Very optimistic about Willow being Tara's gallery party date. Michelle would be thrilled. Thanks again - please enjoy the next update.

taysla Thanks to much! And sorry to disappear - child rearing is time consuming. Who knew?! And a dream you say... Hmm... Hope you enjoy the next update, even if it isn't exactly what you had in mind.

TinyAnt Thanks for the permission to take time between updates - the little one is definitely a handful! I know what you mean about things feeling more urgent now that we're getting closer to the end. You're very right that there is probably a lot more ahead - I mean, it seems to be the only way I can write, you know, but away from the middle is a good mental image. Haha Neverland!Buffy - that's very funny. I like Neverland!Buffy. I think she'd be totally kick ass if people would just confide in her. She's a good person, and a good friend. Right on about Buffy - I think feeling left out is going to be a way bigger problem for her than the fact that Willow is gay. Thank you re: the music; it's such a surprise how that's worked out. Hopefully you will continue to like its presence as the story moves forward. And dreamy sigh, I love me some Elbow. Congrats on the sax playing! That's cool. You probably felt like how I felt when I was able to write again - totally, totally happy. Please enjoy the next update, which was written with the baby's permission.

Renatecs An angst sucker! Not many people clamoring for the angst, you're a brave soul. The coming out is imminent, though can't say in how many updates. This story just has a mind of its own. Please enjoy the next update and thanks so much.

chance I definitely think you should post incoherent noises - that would be awesome. And I'm jamacain you crazy? So sorry, mon! (Accent as bad as Kendra's.) I'm so glad you thought the story was "them" - it seemed "them" when I was writing it, which was every so fun. Buffy totally knows what's up. Kind of. In her own, 'I don't have all the information' way. Her thoughts on Willow... check out this update for more. Sorry for the delay, but hopefully you'll like where it goes next.

ophelia11 Absolutely no worries about missing, just so glad you're here now. Thank you re: part 52. I'm glad you like the idea of Tara maybe initiating. I think you're right that as she's accepted her feelings, her confidence has grown. It's like she's allowing the person she knows she is on the inside out a little. I'm really glad you like the story and their attempt to grow their friendship. That's what I like most about this story, that they're friends before the smoochies. That was one of the things I liked about them on the show, how I imagine their relationship having developed. It seems important to have that here, as well. Glad you liked Buffy and Dawn too - I love them together and it was a blast to try my hand at writing a scene with them. Buffy... lord help her, she knows, but what to do with that burgeoning information. And a-to-the-men about helping sometimes not working out like you intend. This is especially true when you don't have all the facts. So glad you're enjoying. Hope you like the next part.

LittleBit Thanks, and sorry for disappearing. Hope you like the next update, and hopefully I'll be able to update a little more frequently moving forward! (Though, no promises!)

wimpy0729 Wimpy! I'm so glad you loved. Relaxed and flirty, that's definitely how things are shaping up between them. Tara, she's going to have an interesting time, as you'll see in this next update. And kissing freckled neck you say? That does sound divine, I'll pass a note to Tara and let her know you think she should get to it. Buffy is definitely figuring things out... at least where Tara's concerned. Her talk with Willow is scheduled to be Sunday, and this next update starts Friday morning. So, that's coming up soonish. (Be aware that "soonish" in Neverland may mean update 105 and be posted sometime in 2016. Gah.) Thanks so much for the kind thoughts, right back atcha.

SylverMaki Thanks so much! I'm so glad you think the recent updates have been awesome. They are definitely getting closer, and speed bumps you say? Better put on your seat belt, just in case. Hope you enjoy this next bit and reread?! Holy cow, so flattered. Thanks!

nimloth Thanks so much, and no worries about not leaving regular feedback. Just so great to read that you've been reading and enjoying. Well put about the disentangling of their webs of fear - spot on. I hope you enjoy where things are going, and thanks so much for reading!

SickSadGirl No worries! Just glad you're here now. So glad you liked how things ended with Morgan. My goal with all the characters in this story is to approach them with the idea that they're all good people just trying to get through life the best they can with the information they have. Once Morgan found out that Tara liked Willow it didn't make sense to keep pursuing her. You're right, it wouldn't have been realistic. I'm glad you thought it was spot on. "Strong to keep trying, even though they are so afraid" - so totally true! It would be easy to back off, to hide, but they're both forging ahead which I hope is true to the characters on the show. I'm glad you liked Buffy in the last update. I like Buffy, I hope that shows. She does try her best and as you'll see in the next update she really does just want the best for her friends. Buffy and Dawn, what can I say, I love them, so that was a blast to write. The day in the park... more on that as the story progresses. Suffice to say, a good day for the girls. Thanks so much and wow, go back when there isn't an update? So flattered. Thank you!

sadie GAH!! indeed! I'm glad you're enjoying, despite the ever present GAHness of it all. More on Buffy's feelings in this next update - hope you enjoy.

synthwrr Thanks so much, feels great to be writing, even if I'm nervous about how things are going. And big blush for the writing compliment. I'm glad it is resonating. Please enjoy the next update.

wayland Welcome! So glad you plucked up the courage - the board is awesome and you definitely don't have to feel intimidated here. People are very nice. I know what you mean about being frustrated reading an unfinished fic once you've read completed works; it's jarring to get to where the story pauses. Been there, many times! But thank you for going back and for the wonderful compliments. I'm so glad you like the pacing. And thanks re: the scenes you highlighed - all favorites of mine. I loved writing them, so, so glad you enjoyed reading them! Thanks re: adding the music, art and their respective jobs. It seemed important for them to show who they are independent of their romantic aspirations, and work seemed to fill that void. Thanks Clare, I hope you enjoy where the story goes. And to your p.s. Xander does deserve to get in on the love, once the love is out and being shared!

Codyteddyh Thank you, very much. Please enjoy the next update!

IamLoui Thank you for the million congrats about the baby - he is awesome times a million, that's for sure. I'm glad you enjoyed the updates, please enjoy the next one!

Sanpfa Thank you so, so much. Flattered you love it.

PalomaMartinBR Welcome, newbie! Aw, don't be shy, we're all friends here. (Kittens are nice, they don't bite... unless you ask them too.) I am indeed still writing this fic, if only at a glacial pace. I'm glad that fact brought out the dancing pink elephant! Re: the translation, look for a PM from me shortly. Thanks so much Paloma, so incredibly flattered, truly honored you like the story so much. Please enjoy the next part.

ssc1980 So jealous you went to The Fillmore! I love and miss that place, you have no idea. I'm so flattered you thought of this little tale when you were there. Who'd you see? Did you get a poster? Eat an apple? Again, jealous. Thanks so much! (And baby is energizer bunny of busy. Little scamp.)

dragonfly Hi Clau! The baby is well, thanks. No worries re: lack of feedback. Honestly, I take so long between updates, so no apologies necessary. I'm so glad you liked the fireside chat. Their relationship is indeed growing closer; it will be fun for them to revisit once everything is out in the open! Buffy is indeed getting closer - more on that in the next update. I'm glad you like this version, hope that continues. I'm glad you liked their silly story time, and a kiss would have been hard to avoid if they had hugged! The day in the park... more in future updates. (Sorry, don't mean to be evil or a tease, just... better to read it than try and explain in feedback, you know?) Big days for Willow indeed. Hopefully you'll like how it all shakes out. Thanks as always!

EmsInNz Wow, thank you for the huge compliment. Blushing big time over here! Hope you enjoy the next part, and thanks for the very kind words.

WrongObsession Most distracting story ever? Yay! But sleep is important, as I've found out with a baby who won't, so sleep! The story will still be here! Enjoy the next update and thanks very much.

angieb86 Wow, doesn't 2005 seem like forever ago? So much in my life has changed since then, yet here I am, still plugging away on Neverland! Sigh. Thanks for the very kind words - I'm so glad it hasn't gotten old! Please enjoy the next part!

The Best Name On The Site Would it be cheesy to say awesome name? Because seriously, I laughed. Great name. Welcome to the board! I'm so glad you joined, that's so great. Mandatory education is evil, yet oh so necessary. Very funny about Peter Pan; I think a lot of people thought that early on. That or that it might involve Michael Jackson. Nope, just a big French farce of angst and gay love. Thank you so much for the very huge compliment on the writing. I am blushing profusely. I'm glad you feel like the characters are believable. I love stories that are layered, and I wanted to try and make the characters as rich as possible, even if that meant a million updates. I'm greedy, you know? I'm writing this as much for me, to find out what happens as everyone else, so it's been a joy to hear that the characters are resonating. Thank you re: the smut. I'm not a PWP girl, I mean, I enjoy reading it from time to time but I don't think I could ever write it. I love the revelations that come from the physical expression, even if they're strictly dreamland based. Thanks re: Tara's painting and Willow's work. It's fun to describe things that I can't do but wish I could. And yay about expanding iTunes - I love music and it's always great to hear that people are giving the tunes I love a chance. Placebo are awesome, and I promise the give the second song a listen once my son wakes up. Thanks so much, truly honored that you left feedback. Thanks.

vampyrgurl73 As I'm sure many people have already said, welcome to the board! Hope you enjoy your time here - there are so many great stories and nice people. Thanks to the multiple people who recommended the story! And thanks to you for tackling it despite it's incomplete status. Thanks very much for the very kind words - I'm so glad you liked. And years, I know, crazy, huh? I'm so glad you liked Buffy cluing in and all the murky relationships that have come from some simple omissions and misunderstandings. I blush at your compliments, and yay for the music. Aren't they all great, even the guilty pleasures? Thanks so much Heather, please enjoy the next bit.

[EasierSaid]

Title: Neverland
Author: EasierSaid
Feedback: Yes, please.
Spoilers: None.
Setting: AU. There is no Hellmouth, there is no slayer and no magic of the wicca variety. Just our girls and the rest of the Buffy characters living and loving in that great city by the bay, San Francisco.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Please don't sue me Mutant Enemy.
Notes: Nervous.


Thoughts in italics

PART 54

Buffy sighed as the dusky glow of predawn started to infiltrate the gaps in the shades to her left. She slightly squirmed, Dawn's heavy form pressed against her as they shared the younger girl's bed, the petite blonde trying to get more comfortable as she lay wide awake on her back.

It was the bane of her existence, this inability to sleep more than six or seven hours a night. She was both a night owl and early bird, and while it usually meant she was the most productive person around, it also meant many hours spent alone waiting for the world to wake up. She sighed again, thinking about her trip. She had two more days, then back to work, back to her fledgling romance with Jim and life as a big sister from afar. She smiled softly. She had had fun the night before; quiz night with Dawn's friends turned out to be more entertaining than she had expected and she smiled as she remembered how her help had been invaluable at least two or three times. It made her happy, to know that Dawn had such a strong support network. The petite blonde had worried about the younger girl when Willow had decided to move west, worried that her sister would feel lonely without someone from home. However, after meeting Dawn's friends, Buffy had no worries other than wondering if this close knit bunch would manage to entice the younger girl to live on the east coast after graduation. Selfishly she hoped not.

Buffy closed her eyes and tried to drift back to sleep. After several moments with no luck, she opened her eyes again and let her mind wander to thoughts of her best friends. The petite blonde's brow furrowed and her stomach clenched. Tara. She knew the blonde well enough to know that "crush" was probably too mild a word for what the artist almost certainly felt for Willow. But love? Could Tara be in love with the redhead? The very straight, in-love-with-Xander redhead? Buffy's heart sank. She felt awful for the blonde. How did the petite blonde not see this happening? And how long had it been going on? The last week, for sure. Maybe a month? Buffy shifted slightly.

She had suspected something was going on with the blonde shortly after the night in the kitten club, but she had brushed it off, explained it away. Tara with a crush on Willow? It seemed ridiculous. Tara didn't have crushes, and her best friend crushing on her other best friend just seemed so far-fetched. But now as Buffy lay in bed in Boston, nothing but the early morning sound of Dawn's deep, even breathing to distract her, she couldn't believe she hadn't see it more clearly earlier.

For weeks now it seemed that Willow had been an integral part of her and Tara's conversations. It wasn't unusual, per se, but now looking back, the context should have given the blonde's growing feelings away. When they had lunch after the night in the club, Tara had worried that Willow had thought she had been hitting on her. Buffy had asked point blank if she had and the blonde said no. Had she lied? The thought unnerved Buffy. She had known the blonde for six years, had seen the artist in the only relationship she had ever had, seen the blonde turn down and avoid numerous chances at dates, relationships and now, now she was, what? Buffy asked herself. In love with Willow? And lying about it, to me?

She should have said something when Willow had bought the bracelet for Tara. She could see how much the blonde loved it when they went for drinks after her gallery show; Willow was even the first thing the blonde had asked after when she had shown up. And then there was the phone call when Tara worried about what Willow thought of her relationship with Jill, her inexperience. Taking Willow to Morgan's party... Buffy sighed and scrunched up her eyes. She had thanked Tara for taking Willow to the party, and for leaving when the redhead wanted to leave. She had thanked the blonde for watching out for the redhead and now it seemed that all those thanks were unnecessary. Tara had even corrected her at the time, said she didn't need thanks, that she was looking out for Willow because they were friends and Buffy had had an inkling then... but she had kept quiet. Kept the growing thought that something was changing to herself. Tara didn't want to talk about Willow visiting Good Vibrations, said it didn't feel right. Buffy had almost mentioned something then, but abandoned the thought. Almost. Always almost.

The whole situation made Buffy's heart ache. Tara was like a sister, the girl her rock when her mom died, when she lost custody of Dawn, when she had foolishly had had whatever that was with Spike. When the petite blonde had suggested Willow move in three months prior she in no way thought this could happen. Tara just didn't have crushes. She was never smitten, was never even remotely interested in anyone. And a crush on Willow? The hermit girl who loved a man who didn't love her back? Buffy frowned. It was one thing for Tara to fall in love, but with a straight girl? It went against everything the blonde had espoused for years, which made the situation even more tragic. The petite blonde blushed. She felt embarrassed for the blonde, humiliated on her behalf. What she must be going through. How she must be feeling.

That Tara was probably on the verge of saying something about her feelings was now obvious. Last night the artist had paused, a hitch in her breath before she asked about Dawn. And last week, when the artist had called it seemed like there was something she had wanted to talk about, some heaviness that was weighing her down that was more than just not having enough paintings for the L.A. show. Had she wanted to talk about Willow? Had she wanted to share the pain she surely felt over her unrequited feelings? Is that why she had called and talked to Dawn a few days ago? Is that why it felt like there was another conversation going on every time they talked?

Buffy frowned. When Tara had said they had gone to a concert she said 'we.' Not 'I went to a concert with Willow,' but 'we went to a concert.' Like it was obvious who she would be going with. Like she was half of a couple. Buffy had known, Willow had texted her that they were going, but to hear Tara say it... it sounded so, domestic. It sounded like something they weren't, couldn't be, and it made the petite blonde uncomfortable.

That discomfort had manifested in their conversation. She had snarked at Tara because she felt left out. Willow was ignoring her, Tara was spending all of her time with Willow because she was apparently in love with the girl, yet couldn't talk about it... Buffy felt like she was on the outside looking in. Why didn't anyone want to include her?

Buffy sighed as her mind turned to the object of Tara's affection. Willow. The petite blonde frowned. The redhead and Tara were spending a lot of time together, just when things seemed to be fracturing in her own friendship with her high school friend. It felt like there was something wrong, like there was a crack in their relationship but she didn't know what it was. A divide that needed conquering. Willow seemed annoyed with her. Avoidy. Twice the redhead had blown her off when they had plans to get together in the last month, and it seemed like every time she called, Willow had better things to do than to talk to her. They hadn't spoken since the previous Friday. When was the last time they'd gone that long without speaking?

She suspected it had something to do with Xander. Had he called Willow and told her that she had called him asking after the bracelet? Was the redhead still mad about the set up with Kevin, as once again Buffy disregarded her feelings for the carpenter, and the imaginary relationship that Buffy was sure Willow thought was still possible? And what was with the text message telling her Xander's job news? Why did it seem like the two of them had a secret she wasn't a part of? A bond that she didn't understand? She understood, Buffy internally grumbled. She just didn't approve.

Her mind once again wandered to the bracelet. Why *had* Willow bought the bracelet for Tara? She was generous, but usually with close friends. Were her two best friends closer than she thought? No, each had mentioned the distance between them, just a few weeks ago they were practical strangers. Tara politely telling her that Willow kept to herself, Willow politely explaining that she didn't want to be in the way. What changed? How did they go from awkward roommates to hanging out all-the-time? Buffy thought about calling Xander and asking about the bracelet again, but frowned when remembering how evasive he had been last time. She had wanted to talk to Willow about it, but when the redhead blew her off twice, once for an impromptu trip to Sunnydale, the second time a work trip to Portland, she had decided to let it go. Buffy's brow furrowed. Why was Willow ignoring her? They had briefly IM'd on Monday and it had been such a short exchange the petite blonde had almost called immediately after and asked if everything was alright. What was going on?

The petite blonde's mind spun. Maybe she could talk to Willow today. Get a sense for what was going on with the redhead. Maybe she could even let Willow know, gently, that she might be leading Tara on. And Tara. Buffy shifted uncomfortably. Should she call Tara? Ask her about her feelings for the redhead? Or maybe she should ask her out to lunch next week, see if face-to-face the blonde would open up. Buffy exhaled, her stomach clenching. There was no good option. "Not good," she whispered to herself. "Not good at all..."

"Stop. Talking." Came the sleepy, annoyed voice next to her. The petite blonde sighed and rolled her eyes. "Stop. Sighing. Just, stop breathing," Dawn slurred, her body never moving from where it was splayed across the bed.

Buffy leaned over and pinched her sleepy sister's nose closed. Dawn snorted and sloughed the petite blonde's arm off of her; with a rustle of the sheets she turned and propped herself up, looking crossly at the petite blonde. "What are you doing?"

"Isn't that how you stop people from snoring?" Buffy said sweetly.

"I wasn't–" The younger girl stopped herself and her eyes narrowed. "I miss sleeping alone," she grumbled, before rolling over and settling back to sleep, her arm draped over her eyes to block out the glow of early morning.

Buffy smiled and then turned back on her back, her face scrunching up again as she thought of her best friends, each in love with someone who couldn't love them back. Not good at all...

*************************************

Tara coasted into consciousness like a duck landing on a glassy lake, gentle ripples moving outward as her senses slowly woke and evaluated the new day. Her ears taking in the soft tap of rain against the window, her eyes noting the muted morning light beyond her closed eyelids. She sighed and stretched, her toes slipping across cool sheets, her hands running over her flannel covered thighs. She brought her hands up over her hips, settling to a stop on her lower belly, her fingers resting against her cotton sleep shirt and a small patch of exposed skin. She shifted her head slightly, the rustle of the pillow below her messy hair gentle and cozy, and with a couple of quick blinks, she opened her eyes to the day.

The sky was gray beyond her bedroom windows, and her eyes immediately shifted to take in the fairy lights strung across the top her bedroom walls. They were turned off, and Tara let her eyes follow the shadows cast by the loosely draped cords. She took a deep breath, inhaling slowly, then exhaling equally slowly, and her mind slowly started to spin.

Last night she had fallen asleep before she could properly process the day, and now, as she gradually woke, the reality of what she had done, what she had heard, what she had shared with the girl she loved started to sink in. In the shadows thrown by a gently roaring fire she had allowed herself to be completely vulnerable in front of Willow. Despite her fears, despite her misgivings and the little voices in her head that screamed warnings about embarrassment and shame, she told the girl she loved with all her heart about the time when that heart had been broken. She did it with trepidation and trust, concern and care, and was rewarded with kindness, Willow confiding in her in a way she never dreamed possible. She had bared her soul, and the redhead responded in kind. It was unbelievable and real.

Tara took a deep breath and shifted her gaze to the ceiling, her thumbs softly rubbing back and forth across her belly, and a soft smile began to form on her lips as she remembered their evening storytelling session. An image of Willow's smile flashed in her mind, the redhead's thin lips curled up deliciously. The feel of the redhead's thin hand on her own, tracing the lines on her palm, gently pointing out specks of color on her skin. A glimmer in the green eyes like a sparkler on the Fourth of July as she joked and laughed. The blonde's stomach fluttered, and an older memory floated forward in her mind. A finger tracing letters on her back. A light swat on her knee that turned into a soft caress. The sound of Willow's giggle, her bouncing shoulder rubbing against her own as they lay side by side on her bed.

We were flirting last night.

Tara's smile faded and she exhaled slowly, the reality of her thought settling into her mind as the beating of her heart picked up in pace. Flirting. Not teasing, not bantering, but flirting. Like three years before, staying up late into the night after their day in the park, Tara knew without a doubt that last night Willow was flirting with her. She could explain it away as something different, try and rationalize to protect her tender heart but the reality of the situation screamed at her to admit what was painfully obvious. She had seen Willow jokingly spar with Buffy, seen them trade one-liners and wisecracks, but what she and the redhead had shared last night was so much more intimate than that. The way Willow looked at her when she spoke, a sparkle in her eye that told the blonde she was hanging on every word she said. The way the redhead reached out to comfort her by squeezing her knee, self-consciously removing her hand after the touch began to skirt the limits of what was simply platonic. The way Willow had held her hand, long after she needed to, and how the girl had taken pride in making the blonde laugh.

Willow, was flirting with her.

Tara took a deep breath. It was dangerous territory she was stepping into with this admission. Like walking through a field of land mines, it was an assumption that if proved wrong could shred her tender heart in the most vicious way possible. The safe thing to do would be to deny, to misdirect, to explain away and argue against. But yesterday wasn't safe. Sharing her past with Willow, hearing Willow describe her own pain, sitting on the redhead's bed late into the night telling a teasing tale about something silly and sweet... It was risky and urgent and beyond what could be described away as entirely innocent. It was bliss.

Her mind weakly tried to backpedal. But in her heart, it seemed plain as day, and that truth drowned out her mental remonstrations. The thing that felt right, the thing that felt like it fit was that she and Willow were growing closer than mere friendship would allow. The thought, feeling, suspicion, whatever, had been growing inside her for a while. That Willow liked her, in a more-than-friends way. That Willow was looking at her as something other than just Buffy's friend, other than just her roommate. And now... Straight Willow was flirting with her. Straight Willow was making excuses for them to spend time together. Straight Willow was– Tara scrunched her face up. Straight.

The word stopped her cold, her thumbs stilling against her stomach and she let her senses extend as a chill ran over her skin. The rain still tapping against the glass. The sky still gray beyond her bedroom window. Tara closed her eyes and then opened them again, her mind swirling at her other reality. She was in love with a woman who identified as straight. Who, for all indications and predilections, was straight. Willow had only dated men, never mentioned any curiosity about dating, or voiced any attraction to, women. She was the exact person who, despite the blonde's soul-crushing unrequited love, Tara had sworn she would never involve herself with. Never again, not after Jill, would she be with someone who couldn't say to the world how she felt. But Straight Willow was flirting with her, and Tara was flirting back, and the blonde knew that if things kept going the way they seemed to be going...

Did Willow even know? Did she know she was flirting? Was she aware of the effect she had on the blonde, aware of the way she lit up when Tara flirted back? All those times this past week when she wondered about the smile on Willow's face, the blush in the redhead's cheek... Tara shook her head. It was because of me. Her heart quickened and a blush stole across her body. She lights up... for me. The blonde took a deep breath, her skin flush.

Willow knew.

She wondered if Willow knew how strongly she felt, if the redhead could tell it was more than just flirtation for the blonde. Should she do more to make it absolutely clear? Maybe she could do something to show how much she liked her, like a gesture. She could give her something, something important, like a painting? Tara thought ruefully as she remembered her gift from two nights ago. Then her mind wandered to the coffee she made Willow, all the meals over the months. The little square of canvas she painted the same shade as Willow's gorgeous green eyes. The blonde's cheeks burned scarlet. In hindsight her affection was obvious.

Is that why Willow was interested? Because she was flattered, curious? Tara knew that wasn't the case. There had been a lot of women who had flirted with the redhead recently and she had only responded to the blonde. You've called her adorable, which she definitely noticed, a cute girl at the Fillmore... She knows... and she's responding.

Tara sighed. Three days ago Anya had challenged her to kiss the redhead. To kiss her and see what happened and Tara had said no. She couldn't, she wouldn't kiss Willow because the redhead wasn't gay. She had said she needed to hear Willow say the words, needed to hear them spoken out loud before she could put her heart on her sleeve and open herself to the redhead fully. Didn't she? Could she really pursue a relationship with someone who wasn't willing to claim that desire in public? Could she be with Willow if she thought there was a chance that she was just a momentary diversion before the redhead returned to Boystown?

Tara's brow furrowed. For three years she had loved Straight Willow. Bemoaned the redhead's love for Xander, fantasized about being with Willow, loving her, sharing a life with her. Yet she never, not once, imagined the girl coming out to her. Never dreamt of Willow catching up to her in the rain like in a movie, saying the words she desperately, desperately wanted to hear. It was terrifying, because next to Willow declaring her love, it was what she wanted most in the world. But to dream it. To fantasize about it. It was too hopeful for her yearning heart. So she dreamt about Willow already out. Fantasized about them already together. This, this confusion about not knowing where Willow stood scared her. Because she knew what she wanted, and what she needed. But could Willow give that to her?

Could she be with Willow if the current version of Willow was how Willow would be?

Tara closed her eyes and thought. Was there any evidence that the redhead wasn't straight? Other than the way her freckled fingers felt when they touched her, a gentle, teasing caress that seemed to promise so much more. The twinkle in her green eyes when the blonde make her laugh that hinted at words not spoken. Emotions not expressed. Was that why Willow was so curious about her relationship with Jill? The blonde opened her eyes with a start. Why Willow was so interested in Morgan? Because she– The blonde swallowed hard and she closed her eyes before opening them again. Because she was jealous? A shudder ran through the blonde, settling between her legs. She liked the thought of Willow being jealous. Possessive. The way Willow had looked at her after she told her about Jill; it had been safe and kind. And when she told her she was no longer interested in dating Morgan, the look in the redhead's eyes had shown relief... and longing. She hadn't recognized it then, but looking back now... Tara shook her head. She was wishful thinking. Wasn't she wishful thinking?

The blonde quirked her brow. She has a playlist named 'Tara'. Her heart skipped a beat. After she drew in the laundromat window she wanted you to call her adorable; she practically asked you to. Maybe she wouldn't always be 'Straight Willow.' Willow was nervous about talking to her mom. To Buffy. She wanted Xander to come up for "moral support" this weekend. Maybe– Tara again stopped herself. Maybe she's going to tell them that she and Xander are together, her mother disappointed that she's with a mere carpenter, Buffy disappointed because of their history. She clenched her jaw. The explanation felt wrong. But the other explanation...

Anya's voice rang through her mind. She could just kiss Willow and see what would happen. Tara took a deep breath. The number of times she had wanted to kiss the redhead, lean forward and capture her lips, feel the girl's thin body mold against hers... But if she was wrong. If she was wrong.

The blonde sighed. Xander. For years, Willow had been desperately in love with him. Until the night of the concert, when the blonde had an epiphany based on the flimsiest of evidence and suddenly the redhead wasn't. Wasn't in love with Xander, who was instantly and unceremoniously demoted from love-of-Willow's-life to merely co-best friend. The new assumption made Tara nervous. It was the thinnest of ice she skated on, a hedged bet against history and precedence, and she worried that she had so easily accepted this new development because she selfishly wanted it to be true. Because she didn't want Willow to love Xander. She didn't want Willow to be straight. But it fit. The way the redhead talked about him... there was love, and affection, but what Buffy thought it was? What she, the blonde, had thought it was for all these years? The blonde's thumbs started to gently move back and forth across her belly again.

They're friends. Just friends. It fit... except for one, small detail. Last Friday, on the sidewalk outside Morgan's home, Tara had heard more than she admitted as Willow fought with the dark haired man over the phone. It had been raw, the pain palpable and the blonde still ached with unshed tears when she thought about the slicing hurt in the redhead's voice. The one-sided conversation was burned into her memory. 'This isn't some high school crush Xander... This is, love, real, true love and and I can't just pretend that I don't feel it.' Willow's body posture after she had hung up on the man; she had wrapped her arms around herself, turned inward and then sobbed bitterly when she got home. Was that the end of whatever romantic relationship they had had? Tara's heart started to beat fast again. That, or Willow hadn't been talking about Xander at all. But if not Xander... Tara's heart fluttered and her hands started to tremble.

Was she talking about me? The blonde took a deep breath. It was one thing to think Willow was flirting with her, another to think the girl liked her, maybe wanted to see where things went. But the emotion behind the words Willow said that night, the naked desire, the pain, the absolute ardor. It was love, in its purest, soul-exposing form. She quickly abandoned the line of thought before it could take form, her mind unwilling to give the suspicion structure. She couldn't think it. She wouldn't think it. She couldn't do that to herself. She couldn't endure the heartache that would follow if she went down that road, imagined that scenario and was wrong.

Tara's heart slowed and her brow knit, her fingers flexing slightly as the tremble receded. It was getting harder not to react physically to the girl. She wanted to brush hair away from her face, rub small circles on her back, play with her fingers as they chatted about nothing at all. The concert had been heaven because in the dark, loud din there was an excuse to touch. Could she be bold without the shadow of darkness? Would Willow like it?

The blonde felt a shiver run through her. Wanting Willow was a constant. But wanting Willow while thinking that the redhead wanted her too? That was new. New, and insanely arousing. About fifty different fantasies assaulted her all at once. Sliding her wet palms over the girl's small breasts as they showered together. Twining her fingers in that silky red hair as she pulled the girl close for a kiss. Pushing her thigh up and hearing Willow moan. Tara blushed and her fingers again flexed involuntarily against her stomach.

Whoa there, tiger, the blonde thought as she scrunched up her eyes and balled her fingers into fists. They were friends, for now, so a modicum of control was needed. Allowing herself to fantasize about being with Willow, though insanely pleasurable, would drive her mad, and while touching herself might relieve some of the tension building in her body, it might make acting normal around Willow later nearly impossible. She shifted her hips slightly and whimpered.

After a long moment spent clearing her mind, Tara took a steadying breath and then propped herself onto her elbows, finally troubling herself to the clock. Willow would be up soon. A slight smile tugged at the blonde's lips despite the confusion in her heart. She had to rein these feelings in. She couldn't function as roomie if she couldn't hide, at least a little bit, how lovestruck she was. She sighed and sat up, her exposed skin raising in goosebumps as she was more fully exposed to the cool morning air and she tucked her morning thoughts away. She would be friends with Willow. Would be there for the girl if she needed her this weekend and beyond. If the redhead flirted with her, she would flirt back. And if the girl leaned close, impossibly close, or took her in a gentle embrace, she would let the other girl lead. She knew what she wanted from Willow. And if it took time for Willow to figure out what she wanted from her, then I'll give her all the time in the world.


*************************************

Willow was almost uncomfortably warm, her back to the fire, the flames throwing shadows around the barely lit room. The shadows danced along the walls, the floor, arhythmic and entrancing. The shadows couldn't distract her, however, no matter how alluring their movements were. Tara lay on the couch, and the redhead couldn't pull her eyes away from the beautiful girl if she wanted to. They stared at each other, neither saying a word, the only sounds in the faintly lit room the rain against the window and the fire's near silent whoosh. After a long moment, Tara stood and quietly walked to stand in front of Willow, never breaking eye contact. Willow arched her neck and felt no pain.

The blonde stopped a few feet in front of the redhead. Slowly, and matter-of-factly, Tara began to undress. Her t-shirt over her head. Her fingers working the button through the hole on her pants. They never broke eye contact, green eyes boring into blue. Unclasping her bra. Stepping out of her panties. In the end, the blonde stood in front of Willow completely bare, her clothes small random piles on the floor around her. A muffled beep settled around them.

"You're not going to wake up?" Tara asked softly, the sound of her near whisper big in the silence. Willow shook her head. "Why not?"

"Because you're here," the redhead replied simply, never pulling her gaze from the artist's face.

A lopsided grin appeared on the blonde's lips. "But I'm out there, too."

"Not like here," Willow replied with a slight shake of her head.

"Naked?" Tara said with mirth.

"Not naked," Willow smiled bashfully. "Mine."

"No?" The blonde asked, and the tone made Willow uncertain. The beep buzzed again and Tara sighed. "Willow, you have to get up, that's the fourth buzz." The redhead frowned and dropped her gaze before absently picking at the hearthstone. "You have work to do, and, I thought you liked spending time with me."

"I do," the redhead said somewhat defensively as she looked back up. "Hello? Snoozing like crazy here."

"I meant, me," the girl said gently.

"I do," the redhead said again, this time small. "It's just, different."

"It doesn't have to be," Tara said softly and Willow looked up, her freckled brow crinkled. "You could have both." The redhead shrugged, unsure of herself. "You sure it's not because I'm naked?" The blonde teased.

"Shush," Willow said, reaching out and tenderly encircling the blonde's right calf with her hand. With soft, deliberate movements her fingers rubbed the smooth skin.

"Willow..." Tara said softly. The redhead looked up and they made eye contact. "Wake up."

The redhead's eyes fluttered open, and she was instantly awake. She sighed, her brow knitting as the remnants of her dream echoed in her ears. She arched her neck and took in the time, puffing air out as she caught a glimpse of the gray day outside. She reached a reluctant arm out from under the warm blanket and turned off her alarm, somewhat grateful that she wouldn't be hearing the beep again. She cleared her throat and propped herself up on her elbows, her head cocking to the side slightly as she heard movement in the hall.

Tara.

A huge grin emerged on the redhead's face. Tara was busying herself getting ready for the day. The thought made Willow happy, and she shimmied slightly in place. They had been flirting last night. The redhead sighed happily. Teasing... but more than just teasing. Flirting, kind of more. Tara. Flirting with her. Straight, her, who loved the blonde more than was probably humanly possible. It was almost too good to be true, yet there it was.

Willow slowly sat up, testing her still slightly sore neck. All of her hard work over the last two weeks or so had paid off. Tara was noticing her in a more-than-friends way, she was sure of it. It was new and exciting, and she wondered if Tara could tell the redhead's interest was more than just like. That it was love. When she came out to the blonde, asked her out, as she now inevitably would do, she would have to try hard not to freak her out with the intensity of her feelings. At that moment a memory flashed through the redhead's mind, of Tara staring at her as she stood before the fire drying her pants the previous afternoon. The artist's blue eyes were dark, heavy-lidded. Willow shivered. Maybe the blonde wouldn't be freaked out at all...

Willow cleared her throat, remembering she had to get up. She threw back the covers and stood, stretching tall once her feet were firmly planted on the floor. Yesterday had been amazing. What they had shared when the power was out, what they had shared as they joked and laughed through a silly story later that night. The redhead shook her head, looking to her bed. To where Tara had sat. Where the blonde had rubbed her neck. Where she had almost leaned forward and kissed her roommate, plans be damned.

The redhead's smile slightly faded and she remembered what today was. Her last full day as a 'straight' woman, the last full day before she once and for all came out to her mom, set the stage for coming out to Buffy, and eventually the world. Yesterday had been the first time Tara had talked about coming out to her dad. The story had scared Willow, being so close to her own coming out. What would she do if her mom or dad reacted that way? If they told her it wasn't their business, if they ignored such a huge part of who she was? Would it be any worse or better than what she feared? What she expected from her mom?

Willow shook her head to rid herself of the anxious, dour thoughts, and her smile returned full force as she heard Tara moving about their shared bathroom. The redhead looked to her computer and then her bedroom door. She should start work. It was late, she had slept in longer than she had meant to. But what were obligations when a beautiful girl was mere feet away, practically begging for her to come say hi. The smile on the redhead's face grew, and after quickly checking her reflection in the mirror, she opened her door and went to greet the girl she loved.

[Zampsa1975]

Yay for excellent update-y goodness... I hope Willow & Tara keep up their new touch-y feel-y relationship... I hope Willow's actions once and for all convince Tara that Willow is not-so-straight anymore... I hope that Sheila is atleast somewhat supportive when she finds out that Willow has left Boystown permanently for Girlstown.... I also hope that Buffy doesn't freak out too much when Willow tells her that it is Tara who she loves and not Xander. I truly hope that Buffy doesn't unvittingly sabotage Willow's and Tara's relationship by telling Tara that she can't love Willow...

[The Best Name On The Site]

After 53 chapters, they've finally realized the other has the potential to like and have a crush on the other. The worst part is that the entire story only covers what, a month? There's so much time invested and does-she, she-doesn't there, that it feels like years and I'm dancing that in another two or three chapters we get: ! And that's all we've ever really wanted.

On a side note that's probably going to morph into some despicable creature: Cheers on having a sleeping child.

I'm watching my seven-year-old nephew and five-year-old niece and I wish they would just ponder the idea that the bed and bath aren't evil monsters hell-bent on eating children and thwarting Captain TV and Candy Boy. Which is actual an anime about the day to day lives of fraternal twin girls in love. It's better than it sounds. And I would have so beat Zampsa if I hadn't been in the car with the lets-talk-and-argue-for-three-hours siblings. I'm the official referee and mediator for all fifteen and unders; I could talk that kid of yours into dream-land if you want.

Anyway, thanks for updating. Happiness has been achieved for the week.

[FIRESIGN]

So glad you've updated!!! Can't wait to see how this all turns out - nicely done! Keep up the great work - and please update again soon!

FIRESIGN
aka
Cin

[Sanpfa]

So..you've totally made my day by updating And you should know that lately it's been hard for anything other than the beautiful wonderful girl I've met to make my day!

This chapter is amazing as usual. I've been yelling at Tara for chapters about how obviously in love with her Willow is So happy she finally sees it too!

As always, I want more Hope all is well with you..

[taranwillow4ever]

I love how you are able to characterize all of their thought patterns.
Sleep & Children are a wonderful thing.But enjoy this time. You will blink and your baby will be starting 3rd grade.

[Codyteddyh]

I'm so happy you updated. It's only a matter of time before the girls kiss and tell each other their feelings I can't wait.

Thanks again for the update.


Sincerely Cody

[SylverMaki]

Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllll!!!!!!! Yay for updatey goodness. So I'm going to stop saying I love you but I super adore you for updating again. I'm so excited only one more day of straight Willow.....I keep getting scared when I see them analyze because I feel like one of them will say something to prolong their get together which of course is inevitable. But after countless chapters I don't think we should have to wait anymore. I hope it all goes smoothly. I hope Willow comes out to her mom and her mom is like whatever. I hope she comes out to Buffy and Buffy is like great because she knows that they will be happy. I hope she comes out to Tara and confesses her love and adoration and explains everything and I hope we get to hear about the entire day in the park because I really want to know everything that happened. We need a good full park day flashback so I can see when they fell in love and then lived miserably without each other for three years.

Then of course I want the smoochey greatness that will then ensue and I know I'll laugh and cry about how sweet it is because you are an awesome writer, if all written stories were this good I wouldn't watch tv i'd just read read read all the time and see characters just in my minds eye.

Please update soon, please please please . I'd do anything for an update, really.

Thanks again!

[Krokador]

Seriously! I suddenly get a weird, random urge to watch Buffy, so I indulge. Then I remember "Hey, wonder what all those fanfics I used to read are looking like now" and I check on this one, which was my favorite and which I love to bits (despite the, erm, intense dislike of the waiting period between updates, which has me so puzzled as to where I left off I'm rereading from the beginning now. But hey, not a bad thing at all ;P) and lookey there's an update that's very very recent. As in, earlier today.

This must be faith. There's a hidden meaning to this hidden somewhere, and I'll find it. But in the mean time: You have an amazing story and awesome, deep, heartfelt characters. Such a way of writing them down. I was stumped as to what kind of touch was missing for my original novel, and I have a strong feeling the inspiration I was lacking I can find here.

Thank you. For all the hard work you've put into this. For the entertainment you provide. For this jewel of fan literature.

Edit: Few days later and I basically devoured the story all ober again. You manage to keep me immersed like no other story ever has. I'd like to say that you're a horrible, horrible person for teasing us so, because lord knows i've been rooting for them to kiss already since, well, the beginning! But somehow it's all the torturous angst and thinking and waiting and anticipating that seem to make the dynamics of this work. And at this point anyone should be seriously worked up and not wanting to let go because, well, don't wanna miss the good parts!

I don't remember if I ever did give thorough feedback or any feedback at all, so well, here goes nothing just in case

You have wonderfully portrayed Willow and Tara. They progress, change, adapt like real people to a point that, and I'm not kidding, I dreamt I was actually at an art show with them and meeting them and asking them how long they'd been a couple because they were just so. damn. cute. Erm, yea, reading this is all I've been doing besides eating and working

The other characters are also awesome. They're true to themselves, yet still reflect the differences of the world they live in. Awesome work there.

I love the way you make everything fall in place so... beautifully. However, I have to say, and especially towards the beginning, it felt like there was a little too much details. I kinda don't need to know how to makle a cup of coffee, y'know? Where in some occasion the "slow pace" was necessary to insert some long internal rambling and thinking, I could probably point a few places where it wasn't necessary. It doesn't disrupt the flow in any way, but a bit of ironing out on that wouldn't hurt either 'Sides that, noticed a few typos and weird spelling here and there, but it's so unfrequent that really, it's no big deal (we all make mistakes, don't we?)

As a final thought: If you made this into a book I think I would find a way
to buy it

Looking forward to the next update! And here's hoping you don't end up doing what Leafsdude predicted the other day and go all the way to 100 chapters. That would be a LITTLE too much to wait for before the happy ending xD

And once again, thank you for sharing this part of you with us. I've been radiating and feeling so awesome ever since I started reading it again. It's pretty amazing

[vampyregurl73]

Awesome! *continues to do happy dance* I'm so glad you've posted a new update, and the end of "straight" Willow is nigh! Of course for those of us who went though coming out our own experience color what we see a possible responses from her mom and Buffy but I am looking forward to seeing what you decide to make of the situations.

Here's to the sweetness of watching your child grow! Take lots of pictures, trust me next week he'll be wanting to drive, lol.... and that's really not funny because mine now does. That just seems so wrong somehow.

Putting the "next update" good juju out there and wait for the next steps that bring the girls closer to being happy.

[Mrs. Pineapple]

Woohoo!!! You updated

A lot of thinking going on in this chapter. I loved that we got to see a glimpse of Buffy's mind too. It explained some things really, for example why she keeps holding on to the idea of Willow in love with Xander. It's amazing how people can fit the truth into their own explanation, and believe it at that... I just hope she won't ruin all the positive thoughts built in this chapter. I know we'll get some angst before the end, I just hope it won't kill me before you get to finish it

It seems Tara is finally getting it... woohoo for Tara! I'm curious what will happen during Willow's last 'straight day'... Maybe Willow will get to see the painting! That would be good.

Emotions and thoughts... never a good combination, especially when it comes to love. You wonderfully summarised this:

Her mind weakly tried to backpedal. But in her heart, it seemed plain as day, and that truth drowned out her mental remonstrations.

For some reason, this line got stuck in my head:

A glimmer in the green eyes like a sparkler on the Fourth of July as she joked and laughed.

Nice

This, this confusion about not knowing where Willow stood scared her.

Strange, isn't it? Sometimes, the things we want most, are the things that scare us the most when they seem to come true. At least, that's my experience with fantasies and far away dreams.

They were friends, for now,

A new and hopeful thought. Go Tara!

As always, this fic has caught my heart. Keep going! (on a more regular basis, if that's at all possible?)

[fhiwda]

My dear....This story just keeps getting better! The suspense is building and I cannot wait to see what Willow's last day as a "straight" brings.

[inspiron]

Oh you’re such a tease. I was so wanting to read their “morning after” conversation to see how they reacted around each other following their closeness the night before….but alas, we’ll have to wait for the next chapter. I’m a sucker for how you write speech and general conversation (it’s so fluid), so I missed that in this chapter.

But, this chapter was definitely necessary and a huge step in the right direction. Finally, it’s starting to make sense for Tara and she’s piecing together all those little clues and subtle hints. Her mindset is changing! I love how you wrote her thoughts on potential “dream-willow” to realistic “not-so-straight willow.” I’m with Anya – Just kiss her! I know that won’t happen, but it’s great Tara’s now reflecting on her time with Willow from a different perspective.

I also love how you wrote Buffy’s thoughts. She’s definitely got Tara’s measure but still has a bit further to go with Willow. The next conversation between them is going to be VERY interesting!

Kudos for all the mentions of past moments – the kitten club, the day in the park, good vibrations, etc. I love that you keep bringing these up – it really helps us as readers, to be reminded of those rare moments and it is starting to bring the story back full circle.

It’s Friday today….so tomorrow’s the big day!! I won’t hold my breath because I know we’ll be in for another 10 chapters between now and then, but I feel the culmination of 4 years of reading is getting closer…. I’m excited!! I thought Willow was meeting up with her mum and Buffy at the same time and coming out to both at once, but from the way you worded it, she’s only coming out to her mum tomorrow and “setting the stage” for coming out to Buffy (another day??). I really hope Xander turns up to add a bit more drama to the mix. This story is such a treat and I savor every chapter you write…

[Agilulfa]

So, I have finally decided that it is time for my first post!
I just came back from a short vacation trip and I found an update to this wonderful story and that, I can assure you, made me really really happy!!!! This is surely one of my my favorite fanfictions since its beginning, marvellously written, with an agonizingly slow but at the same time enthralling and never boring progression :-) Sorry for never replying before, to this and to all the other great stories on the site, I should have, and this fiction definitely deserves it. Can't wait for more!!

[shiraz]

Yaaaay!!! So awesome And yes, you did beat my feedback So embarrassing and life is so nuts right now that I've read it and loved it and will update this post with more indepth FB later on tonight. I love how all the pieces are falling into place and the deliciously slow exquisite pace continues! I'm so glad you're not rushing the story. Tara's sleepy morning thoughts and her hopefilled thoughts were great! Willow's dream...like I said, I like the way you write and pace the story

I hope another update is on the way. I do promise feedback.

Hope you're having a fun summer with your wee fella!

Shiraz

[mstrykl]

PLEASE DON'T MAKE US WAIT FOR THE REST OF THIS STORY, I've been reading it since you first started writing it and have become increasingly impatient waiting for this WONDERFULLY GREAT story to be completed.... PLEASE, PLEASE MAKE IT SOONER THAN LATER..... LOVE THIS STORY....

mstrykl

[SickSadGirl]

It's my birthday and I'll read if I want to, read if I want to, read if I want to! Haha sorry, I haven't had much computer access lately and since it is my birthday, I thought I'd give myself a treat and read some quality fics. Of course, I just happened to notice that you posted an update! Woo! Thank you soooo much! This day is off to a great start

So...wow. Buffy is definitely having brain waves and is finally understanding some things. Unfortunately, it's not enough. She's completely missing the Willow side of things. And, in trying to do some good for the people she cares about, she just might hurt them more. Poor Buffy. She tries so, so hard. I hope the girls see that. And I hope that when she talks to Willow, she begins to see the affection isn't one-sided.

Yay for them seeing the flirting for what it really is--FINALLY!! I just hope their good, flirty moods continue and they can comfortably get through Willow's last (full) day of a false life! We'll see how they do, I guess. I can't wait to see how you take them through this (surely) long weekend.

Thanks again!! I hope you and your family are well.

[WillowRulez]

The last week, for sure. Maybe a month? Buffy shifted slightly.

Buffy is so frustrating, argh! Well, she is kind of spot-on, from her and Tara's perspective, both think Willow is straight. At least Tara is starting to wonder about that.

But if she was wrong. If she was wrong.

She should just do it! The worst thing that could happen would be loosing a roomie and maybe getting over a crush... but yeah, I wouldnt risk it either.

Her last full day as a 'straight' woman, the last full day before she once and for all came out to her mom, set the stage for coming out to Buffy, and eventually the world.

FINALLY! Please dont make us wait too long for the coming out, or I will burst! I hope that it will go well. I have the inkling, after reading this update, that Buffy wont understand it at all and will insist that Willow is straight.
So stop teasing us and update this amazing story! And finally let us know what really happened that day in the park!
Still totally in love with this story.

[wayland]

Hi Easiersaid,

Thank you for the update and for your thoughtful responses to the feedback. I do like the feedback. Joining in makes me feel like a (novice) member of the waiting for Neverland club.

Lovely update. The interior monologues provide so much of the drama behind the characters’ interactions. I don’t know how screenwriters manage it, as they can’t show their characters’ thoughts. Guess they have to have really good actors.

Poor Buffy. When she realises that her three closest friends have been lying to her - and for so long - it’s going to hurt.

Reading Tara’s growing realisation was kind of bittersweet. It seems to signal the impending conclusion of the story. On the other hand, your notes suggest we can expect a few more bumps along the way. I hope so. It’s not that I’m addicted to misery, but in Neverland all the angst is character driven. No deus ex machina interruptions or malevolent interventions. Both women are so scared of rejection, they waver at times, but ultimately they keep striving to overcome their fears. To me, that’s the dynamic of the story and its fascination.

Thank you again, and I look forward to the next update. In the meantime I’ll be busy imagining different endings to your story, which is a pleasure.

Clare

[JustSkipIt]

Heather – Wow. I totally missed that you had updated. I kept seeing the thread bumped but it wasn’t until someone made some quotes and I realized I had never seen those lines that I went back to look for a missed update. I quite enjoyed this update and not only because it gives me hope that you’re “back” again. But yes, babies are so fun and so time consuming but more importantly – so fun! It sounds like your little guy is doing great.

As I read the Buffy section, I was really struck at the way the “Willow is in love with Xander” belief structure is absolutely the lynchpin for both Tara and Buffy. It’s very much the brick on which all the mistaken beliefs and misunderstandings and anger and pain are built. Buffy is looking straight at this thing and she can’t see it because all she can see is the lie out front. She wants to talk to Tara and warn her, dissuade her, comfort her because there’s a lie standing between her and everything she doesn’t know. Imagine if Buffy said to herself “what if that wasn’t true?” OT - This woman, Byron Katie’s, entire Work is predicated on four questions and the first is “is this true?” The second is: “Can I absolutely know this is true?” A three minute encounter with those questions would absolutely rock Buffy and Tara’s worlds.

it also meant many hours spent alone waiting for the world to wake up.

How funny that Buffy feels like that. I’m a very early bird as is my son and I adore the quiet of the world when everyone is asleep. I love the quiet of the house, the streets, everything.

"Stop. Talking." Came the sleepy, annoyed voice next to her. The petite blonde sighed and rolled her eyes. "Stop. Sighing. Just, stop breathing," Dawn slurred, her body never moving from where it was splayed across the bed.

That’s pretty cute actually.

I was thrilled with Tara’s section simply because she started to question that assumption. You know, the Willow loves Xander assumption. She’s finally starting to question it. To ask what if she’s not straight? What if she doesn’t love Xander? What if she’s flirting? And if she doesn’t love Xander, who was she talking about at the party and what if it’s me? Fucking brilliant, Tara!

… and an older memory floated forward in her mind. A finger tracing letters on her back. A light swat on her knee that turned into a soft caress. The sound of Willow's giggle, her bouncing shoulder rubbing against her own as they lay side by side on her bed…. Like three years before, staying up late into the night after their day in the park,

Oh, that day three years ago…

Why Willow was so interested in Morgan? Because she– The blonde swallowed hard and she closed her eyes before opening them again. Because she was jealous?

Yes, Tara. Keep following this train of thought! You know, I have always assumed that as I read this story and you wrote it for years, things would go how Willow had planned them. She would come out to Sheila, Buffy, and Tara in that order. This is literally this first time it’s ever occurred to me that perhaps Tara will alter that chain of events. It’s quite exciting.

If the redhead flirted with her, she would flirt back. And if the girl leaned close, impossibly close, or took her in a gentle embrace, she would let the other girl lead. She knew what she wanted from Willow. And if it took time for Willow to figure out what she wanted from her, then I'll give her all the time in the world.

Not a bad conclusion for Tara.

And then Willow’s part. Of course, she’s the one who has the answers. Yes, she doesn’t know Tara is in love with her or not completely but she’s got a good inkling that Tara’s not uninterested.

Teasing... but more than just teasing. Flirting, kind of more. Tara. Flirting with her. Straight, her, who loved the blonde more than was probably humanly possible. It was almost too good to be true, yet there it was.

This is lovely and adorable and at the same time a little frustrating. I wonder if Willow ever thinks about her actions and wonders if she’s causing Tara pain. It’s that asking questions thing. Does Tara care for me? Love me? Does she think I’m straight? Is this flirtation hurting her?

The smile on the redhead's face grew, and after quickly checking her reflection in the mirror, she opened her door and went to greet the girl she loved.

Very cute and something tells me we’re in for a few updates of the two of them making coffee and toasting bagels and asking if Tara’s going to paint in time for her show and all that.

And it will all be adorable I bet.

[dtburanek]

Okay I was so focused on writing my long lost fics that I just now noticed this was being updated. So now I have to go back and read it all. Because it is awesome that you are back. Welcome back

-Delayne (wiccanbotanist)

[marlaman22]

esto pinta increible!! this is incredible, willow and tara are reading the right signs and I think this relationship is tacit and in a tacit way they are going to say and show their emotions, with touches, litlle kisses, maybe kisses near lips from willow to tara so that is willow that maybe is who has to show more her feelings because willow is the hetero here hehe!!! well at leasst that is what tara think or thought!! but those little steps that willow is going to do is going to make tara realize that willow feels something for her and something real and not just is a product of her imagination or desire and maybe is someone else apears to make willow take those steps quiker but of course Tara will be waiting for her willow sure of her feelings.

[BuffyFan4ever]

Please continue. I love stories where it takes them forever become a couple and this is one of my favorites.

I'm rereading it now and last night I finished with Chapter 48 (At the Filmore). When Willow commented that all the alcohol in her drink was at the top like an oil slick, and Tara replies "Ginny oil slick." My first thought was "If all oil slicks were ginny, the people in the gulf would be much happier." I blame my weird thoughts on the fact that it was 3AM.

Just thought I'd share and keep up the great work.

[DaddyCatALSO]

Buffy's carrying the ball here; will she keep quiet, "Warn" Tara about what she thinks Willow is doing, or try to rein in Willow with a "I don't want my one best friend hurting my other best friend" alert? I'm guessing #2 since that will cause the most problems for all concerned *grin.

[LonelyTara]

Okay...I just found this fic today and I'm nowhere near through it (only on pg. 38) but I have to say...I'm really in pain here. My 14-year anniversary is coming up with my partner, the woman I love, have loved, more than anything for such a long time, but things have been strained. Sorry if that's TMI for this forum, sorry to throw my drama out there, but this story is moving me so much that I literally started crying here. The way Willow and Tara dance around each other, the missed glances, the misinterpreted touches, the lost opportunities for tenderness and love...I'm living that right now, and it really hurts. This is a beautiful piece, and as much as I want to rail and holler and beg you to get these girls together and stop their hurt, I won't, because the dance is such a beautiful thing. Even while my heart is breaking, the dance is such a beautiful thing.

My hats off to you, really and truly. You're breaking my broken heart, and I am going to just keep coming back for more. Thank you for writing, please don't quit.


7/31 Edit--I just read through to the latest post, and I am overjoyed that Willow will be coming out, that they both have an inkling that the girl of their dreams might like them, might love them. It's a beautiful thing. It's like I've been watching the most beautiful, romantic, polished and brilliant television show ever, spent years of my life waiting for these two people to realize they are loved, to be loved, outside of their dreams. I think too many people really go through life that way, that's why there's so much sadness in the world. But sometimes, life brings the dancers together, and everything is the way it should be. My wife and I are, I think, I hope and pray, falling back into step. I feel like this beautiful moment you've written for them has been a good luck charm for me. Thanks

[PalomaMartinBR]

Woo and Hoo!!! You updated!!And on my brother's b-day!Good for him (got all those gifts) and good for me (yay for the update!) Happy me !!! See the avatar?This is happy me, reading your fic at 02:43 in the morning. XD When I saw you had updated i was all and then I went on sugar mode, ''I gotta read, gotta read, ''

I trully enjoyed this one, FINALLY Buffy kinda understands some things, and so does Tara (again with the kinda). But they're going on the right way of understanding hahaha love is the way (Xena much?)

It's winter for me, a really cold winter, and all I wanted is ,but I have to play my acoustic guitar a little (not now), or my teacher is going to kill me XD

About the translating, thank you, I'm just going to do it for myself...on my head...or using the microssoft office word, okay? Well, at least now you can tell your son when he's older something like: ''Oh, did you know your mommy here wrote a fic that was so awesome that a girl named Paloma offered to translate it to portuguese? Oh yeah, your mom was famous on the Kitteen Board... Good 'n Old times...'' (or still good times if you keep writting ^^)

I was always lurking around here, then I finally gathered some courage (the cowardly dog ) and introduced myself hehe thank you for the kind words....No bites...yet muahahahah

Now I'm thinking seriously on writting my own fic, you inspired me!

Keep going with the good job, I wanna see the 'day-after-talk' and Willow's L.D.A.A.S.W. (Last day as a straight woman)

Kisses, Paloma

[ssc1980]

So jealous you went to The Fillmore! I love and miss that place, you have no idea. I'm so flattered you thought of this little tale when you were there. Who'd you see? Did you get a poster? Eat an apple? Again, jealous

I saw Owl City. As my friend says, you need a shot of insulin after listening to his music, but I love it. I did get a poster, but no apple.

Anyway, so glad you posted an update! I am part way through my third read-through of this story (so far), and it's just as engrossing. I've said it before, but your writing style and the dialogue is so natural, I feel like I'm just sitting in the room with them. I look forward to every one of your updates, but it also makes me a little sad because that means we're one chapter closer to the end!