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[Short Fic Part 3/3] Seizure Of Heart

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[Short Fic Part 3/3] Seizure Of Heart

Postby JujuDeRoussie » Fri Jun 08, 2007 3:14 pm

Hello, here is a little something I wrote.

Title: Seizure of Heart... but not truly sure.
Rating: PG
Summary: huh... good question... read and see?
Feedback: Yes please, I would like to get better so... :blush
Of course I don't own anything and all...

Note: This is the first fic I wrote and finished in english. It is not perfect I am sure. I hope it never looses its meaning though. Please let me know if what I said is not english but actually french translated. ^^







Things weren't supposed to happen like that. There were rules and logics and plans... Everybody needed to follow a plan!! But there nothing was planned. Nothing was logical. Everything seemed like chaos for me. I am always very organized. So I was very lost this time.


I was supposed to go there, do what had to be done, and go home, take a shower, have dinner at 6:30 pm as every night, and then watch a movie and go to bed. As always. I wasn't supposed to car about what would happen after I would have left. I never did. It was not a nice job, but it was still a job. Mine. Of course, usually people weren't in as bad condition as she was. Usually they were just pretentious people. It was easy with them. They were such sure of themselves... sure they were in power... so to show them they were wrong it was easy.


Here she wasn't. She was lost, broken by so much effort to see the end of all that crap. And I was there. The crap itself. Who would hit her at last. Who would make her plunge in the infinite abyss Life put under her feet. This time wasn't easy at all. This time it wasn't "just my job". It was dealing with those deep blue eyes. Dealing with me being able to look my face in a mirror every morning.


So I did what I thought was fair. I asked her to tell me her story. To tell me what she had done to try to get out of all of this. And then I made some calls. What would have taken only two or three hours took the whole afternoon and the beginning of the evening. I am a bit guilty now because I did enjoy having trouble with my calls. It had allowed me to stay there near this wonderful woman. But at the time I was feeling guilty because nothing was going well. You should have seen those soulful eyes... holding back tears of despair.


What could I do? I knew what the rules say, I knew how I was with the rules. But I have a heart. I have feeling. And I couldn't just do what I was paid for. It was way too unfair. All the things I could do weren't enough here. So I did something not allowed. I put myself in. I mean at a personal level. I gave her some money. All I could actually. Well not gave her. She will give it back to me. One day. I don't know how but I know I trust her. So I gave her enough money to pay her debts. But it wasn't enough to save neither her furniture nor her flat. So there she was, alone in the cold having loosing everything but without debts anymore. She could re build something. She just needed a little help.


Once again I did something not allowed. I invited her to stay in my house. I had a guest room. So I asked her to stay there until she had enough money to restart everything. It had taken me half an hour after everybody else had left to convince her. To not have anywhere to go and no money helped her to accept at least. But for two days she told me. I didn't care. She could stay as long as she wanted. She deserved to be helped through this.


When we got at my house that night, the silence was awkward. What could I say to her? And I am sure she was thinking the same thing. Fortunately, well kinda, a message on the answering machine was offering us a topic. It was my father. Calling me as my boss. I was fired because I got personally involved. You would think it would have given me some regrets. Not at all. I realized then how much I didn't like my job. Also, this poor woman, lost, was now guilty about me loosing my job. After some hours of dialogue we agreed to stop apologizing about each other situation and to look forward to find solution.


At last we went to bed, her in my guest room and I in my own room. But she was in my head the whole night.


The next morning, I found a note on the kitchen telling me she had to left to her first job of the day, and if I wanted we could meet at the end of her shift there for lunch. Despite of being jobless, I was all grinning the whole morning. Although I had to think about how things will get for me. When things aren't planned I tend to freak out.


Anyway, midday came and I was at the address she had written. It was a small "Breakfast and Lunch" restaurant. Well restaurant is maybe a big word. But the food was quite good. We had lunch and some conversation. It was less awkward than the precedent evening, but not as comfortable as it got the following days.


After this lunch she had to go to her second work, and explained to me she also had a third work. I was very disappointed to not being able to see her at night since she surely would come back home very late. But I understood all too well her need of money she was in before I have met her. Although she didn't need to work so much now. And I told her so. She seemed at first hurt, and then uncomfortable. But she told me she would think about stopping one of her job, knowing it was for her own health.


So the days came by that way without the first job for her, and with me looking for a new one, but not the same. The two days she was supposed to stay became weeks. For my own happiness, and I believe hers as well. During those weeks I learnt who she truly was and told her about me. She was amazing. She went through so much sadness and had to do so much things... She was truly incredible. I learnt that her third job was her favorite. One she truly wanted to do. Not only because she needed money. She was a chef in a little vegetarian restaurant. Well actually she was the chef's second. But she was the one doing the things people loved. The chef just chose the menu and showed up in front of the customer. Behind all of that she was giving instructions to the cooks, and
cooking herself.


After some weeks I found myself wanting to be more for her. But I was afraid of asking her out. I mean I was afraid she would say no of course, but also that she would say yes only because I had helped her so much. I didn't want her to think she had to and that it would be a way to pay me back. That would have been horrible.
But once again, after some long convincing speeches, she believed me and to my astonishment, said yes.


We knew each other for six months and were dating for three months when I decided to sell my house. I couldn't afford it anymore. Plus it needed some repairs I wouldn't afford either. We were such a young couple. But it was like we have already been for a lifetime. So I asked her to move in with me in a new house. A smaller one. One we would choose together. And she said once again yes.


I found a new job two months later. One I liked. Loved even.


I never thought I could find such happiness. But here I am. One of the both happiest women in the whole wide world. Two years now of this happiness. But things are scary. Things once again act out of the plan.


I am freaking out. It wasn't supposed to happen like that. It is a week early. They say it is not big, and that everything is fine. But it wasn't in my schedule. Not in my plan. I am not ready. I am with her. She is in pain. She isn't supposed to be in pain! In the movie they aren't in pain. They fake. Why things do not happen as planned?


Oh here she is. Awww she is beautiful. But the most beautiful in the room, it is Her. My wife. The mother of my daughter. Our daughter. I am mommy. I am a wife and a mother.


I am the happiest.


That is true happiness. Simple life. Simple things. Love, life.




The End

Thanks for reading,

Julia
Last edited by JujuDeRoussie on Fri Jun 22, 2007 2:56 pm, edited 5 times in total.
Broken Dolls |The Stadium's Goddesses | Seeds Of Beauty

"Joie est mon caractère, C'est la faute à Voltaire; Misère est mon trousseau, C'est la faute à Rousseau." Gavroche. Victor Hugo, Les Misérables (chap. XV)
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Re: [Short Fic] No title for now

Postby Auriam » Fri Jun 08, 2007 3:15 pm

dibs
I LOVE IT !
And i don't write this cause your are my sis.
It's cute, original, sweet .....

I am freaking out. It wasn't supposed to happen like that. It is a week early. They say it is not big, and that everything is fine. But it wasn't in my schedule. Not in my plan. I am not ready. I am with her. She is in pain. She isn't supposed to be in pain! In the movie they aren't in pain. They fake. Why things do not happen as planned?

Make me laught

Oh here she is. Awww she is beautiful. But the most beautiful in the room, it is Her. My wife. The mother of my daughter. Our daughter. I am mommy. I am a wife and a mother.

Make me smile

That is true happiness. Simple life. Simple things. Love, life.

I love this sentence, i don't know why but i love it

I JUST LOVE IT ! ! !
Last edited by Auriam on Fri Jun 08, 2007 7:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: [Short Fic] No title for now

Postby littlewicca » Fri Jun 08, 2007 7:49 pm

GOD! :D it is great baby! I really liked it, you are the greatest ^^
:bounce

^^ your sister is right, i loved your writing, not because of who you are
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Re: [Short Fic] No title for now

Postby Halo » Sun Jun 10, 2007 10:49 am

Wow... that was beautiful!
Thank you so much, because this was one of the fics that makes me feels good and ridiculously happy the whole day after reading it! :tooth
Now I think I'm going to look for more of your stories...if you have some on the board :-D :-D :-D
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Je suis un peu surprise...Que le monde est beau..."

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Re: [Short Fic] No title for now

Postby littlewicca » Sun Jun 10, 2007 11:20 am

this is her first fic and is great ^^ :blush
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Re: [Short Fic] No title for now

Postby Halo » Sun Jun 10, 2007 11:40 am

I totally agree with that ^^
And I am definitively encouraging her in this way!
"Endors moi à Venise...Réveille moi à San Francisco
Je suis un peu surprise...Que le monde est beau..."

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Re: [Short Fic] No title for now

Postby Willowtree252 » Sun Jun 10, 2007 4:29 pm

:pinky oh Juju I am so very proud of you my dear friend. your story is one of hope and happyness. I want you to continue to write fic,s and we will love them when they get here this was so very good. now more please :party
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Re: [Short Fic] No title for now

Postby EmeraldArcher » Sun Jun 10, 2007 7:40 pm

JujuDeRoussie,

For a first 'anything' in English, I just have to say you did very well. Congrats! As for the story itself, it read very much like a 'reverie,' and it had a very familiar feeling, if that makes sense. It was intriguing, and well done. I hope you keep writing, and keep sharing with the board.

EA
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Re: [Short Fic] Seizure Of Heart

Postby JujuDeRoussie » Tue Jun 12, 2007 6:12 am

Hello everybody :)

I am glad to see this has been read and some oof you have let a feedback :)

So here are my replies to you, but please if you didn't let one already please feel free to do so ;-) lol


Here go the replies :)

Auriam:
Hey there :)
Thank you so much Sweetie. You know how much your opinion is important to me.
It's cute, original, sweet .....

Didn't you mean "You're" instead of "It's"? :-D

Glad the Willow-Freaks-Out part made me laugh... :-D ;-)

I like the last sentence too... Don't know why... Maybe because it is like in every shows we were used to watch while younger? I don't know how to say in english, but sort of a "morale"? Like "Do not search happiness in superficials things... money does not do everything..."? lol I can picture Charles Ingalls saying that to Marie and Laura!!

A last thing missy... 12:15 am and 4:50 am??? You're supposed to be asleep since 8:30 pm!!! Lol

Once again, thank you so much big sis'. Mi Aim Aou :)
Love ya very much... See ya later ;)


Littlewicca:
Hola Querida :)
I am so glad you loved it :)


not because of who you are
and
you are the greatest

Are you sure it has nothing to do with being your silly baby? ;-) lol

Thank you for your feedback.

Te doy muchos besos y abrazos :)

Halo:
Bonjour ^^

Thank you for your feedback, I am glad I made you feel good and "ridiculously" happy. :blush

I have more fics but none of them are finished so none of them are on the board. Plus mostly are in french so... I have to translate them.
Maybe somedau I'll finish another or all? Then I will post them here. But they aren't all in that style.

Thank you.

Dianneswillowtree:
Hey Bad Dia :)
Thank you. I am glad you are proud of me.

Always asking for more huh? I'll try ^^ ;-)
Thanks my friend.

EmeraldArcher:
Hello :)

Thank you, I have to admit I am always a bit nervous about my english. What I am affraid of is to put english and american words together sometimes. I am not sure it would be that bad but it still scares me a bit. Lol


As for the story itself, it read very much like a 'reverie,' and it had a very familiar feeling, if that makes sense

I undertsand.;. I mean it makes sens :)

I'll try to keep writing and then to share :)



Thank you once again everybody :)
Broken Dolls |The Stadium's Goddesses | Seeds Of Beauty

"Joie est mon caractère, C'est la faute à Voltaire; Misère est mon trousseau, C'est la faute à Rousseau." Gavroche. Victor Hugo, Les Misérables (chap. XV)
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Re: [Short Fic Part 1/3] Seizure Of Heart

Postby tazraven » Tue Jun 12, 2007 1:13 pm

That was really sweet, Julia. Good story, interesting intro. I really liked it :-D Congrats on your first fic.

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Re: [Short Fic Part 1/3] Seizure Of Heart

Postby MYTARA » Thu Jun 14, 2007 12:49 pm

Hello there JR I love your story and it is well done you should keep writing story's they are really good. I look forward to more. :pride
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Re: [Short Fic Part 1/3] Seizure Of Heart

Postby Dax » Fri Jun 15, 2007 12:30 pm

Well I said that I would read your story and I did.
And I was SOOOO right to do it!!! :party

This is a very good “first time all English story”, and more importantly it is a warm and wonderful story.
Not to mention very romantic – and as you know I love a good romance. :wtkiss

Keep up the good work and don’t let us wait to long for the next part – you hear? :kdevil

By the way, would “Seizures of Heart” by the title of this first part, or the overall title for the Trilogy?
:paranoid
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Re: [Short Fic Part 1/3] Seizure Of Heart

Postby JujuDeRoussie » Fri Jun 15, 2007 2:12 pm

Hello every body.

Thanks for the some additional feedbacks, it is always good to know what people think. :)

Here goes my replies:

Tazraven:

Hey there :)

Thanks for your feed back and your congrats.
I am still nervous, even if they are just angst-free short story. I am not ready for the angst yet... Even though I would love it ^^

And thanks for your offer.

Talk to you someday.

MYTARA:

Hello :)

Thanks. I am glad you loved it. Here comes more. And since people seem to appreciate my work I will surely try to finish the other I have started and translate the one I have in french.
Hope you will like Tara's one.

Dax:
Hey there my favorite German ^^

Your feedback makes me smile. I am glad you think you were right to read it :-D


it is a warm and wonderful story.
Not to mention very romantic – and as you know I love a good romance.


Well I do love when fics are angsty and all... but sometimes just some romantism is good too. And for me easier to write ^^
Also, us Europeans do love good romance. Aren't we romantics? ;-)
The proof: the only sentence I know in German is the one meaning "I Love You"!!!

As for the title yes, it is for the trilogy. I didn't think about giving title to the parts :blush my bad. sorry ^^

Hey I think you will not see it tonight but I think it is not too much waiting.

Thanks for reading Dax.

Talk to you soon :)
Last edited by JujuDeRoussie on Fri Jun 15, 2007 2:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Broken Dolls |The Stadium's Goddesses | Seeds Of Beauty

"Joie est mon caractère, C'est la faute à Voltaire; Misère est mon trousseau, C'est la faute à Rousseau." Gavroche. Victor Hugo, Les Misérables (chap. XV)
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Re: [Short Fic Part 1/3] Seizure Of Heart

Postby JujuDeRoussie » Fri Jun 15, 2007 2:24 pm

Hey, here comes the second short fics.

It can be considered as a part. But I like to call them short fic because they are all independants from each other. You can read one and not the other and it will not mean less. Well I think anyway.

So here goes the second fic.

Title: Seizure of Heart...
Rating: PG
Summary: huh... Tara's part.
Feedback: Yes please, I would like to get better so... Bad or Good I don't care... just not disrespectful please?
Disclaimer: Of course I don't own anything and all...

Here we go.


Things were pretty bad. Life was hopeless. And sad. So much sad. I never knew what the next day would bring. I knew it couldn't get better though. I was in an abyss. Nothing could help me save a miracle. And honestly miracles happen only in stories. Never in reality. I even couldn't play at the national lottery. So I would surely not win! Although it would have helped me so much.


I had debts. Too many. But don't think I was always buying stuff I couldn't afford. Life brought things on my way. Or on my family's way. And I was the one who had to pay.


The first thing was my mother's cancer. My father couldn't afford everything. The insurance didn't cover everything either. So my father sold all he could. Things after things. He didn't want my brother to stop school. So he didn't ask him to take a job. But he did ask this to me. Even if my brother waste his luck to study. So I stopped just after graduation. I could have gone to some colleges. I had good SATs and several colleges had offered me a scholarship. But I had to work. I had to help my father. So I did. Not for him though. But for my mother. Unfortunately her stay at the hospital became longer and longer... and her last home. She died after two months of agony. She wanted to die anyway. She knew she wasn't going to heal and she could bear the thought of me wasting my potential to pay for her. I didn't care. I wanted her to heal. The doctors had let us believe she could heal even when she couldn't breath by herself.


It lasted 2 years.


But 5 years later I was still paying. My debts weren't only that. No. Thank to my father, I also had to pay for my brother's studies. He wasn't a good student so he lost his scholarship. He never tried to be a good student. And instead of asking him to pay for his own studies, my father told me (not question here, just imperative) to do so. And since he was my father I didn't dare to say no.


My brother stopped college after his second year. To marry a strange girl. And once again I had to pay for his own wedding. My father was still paying for my mother... it was what he said anyway. Later I learnt that he was playing poker. When people came and took our house.


Then I went in California. Far away from them. I was their living wallet or something like that. And I needed to go far away. God I was naïve. Not only I always had my debts. But they actually managed to make me their
guarantor for my brother. I don't know how. I don't know how a bank could accept without me signing any papers nor knowing how much I was paid. But they did give a home loan to my brother with me as a guarantor. And of course my brother didn't pay every month for his house.


Seeing my bank account being emptied every month to pay so many things, I asked about it at my local bank. They told me all the things I had to pay for. And how much. After I had asked some advices to my bank counselor and had done some stuff to not let my father and brother able to do so once again, I found a second job. And then a third. I would have found a fourth if it wasn't for the days lasting only 24 hours.


Anyway... All those job didn't help me... There was so much money... So many debts. I knew I couldn't plan anything for I wasn't sure where I would be the next day. Indeed, I was several months behind with the rent... But how could I pay it? I couldn't even afford three meals per day. Well I could but it was only because I worked the morning in a Breakfast and Lunch restaurant, and the night in a vegetarian restaurant. I could take what wasn't sold. What would have gone to the trash.


The first day of my life where I had managed to have a day off at the three jobs, my life changed.


This afternoon I heard a loud knock on my door. I went to open it and saw several men and a red haired woman. Beautiful woman but her face was so strict. There was no joy there. No humanity. Even her eyes were cold. When she spoke to me, her voice was like a robot's one. I kept nodding to what she said... "we're here because you didn't pay for... blah blah blah". Nothing I wasn't expecting.


I let them come in. It was kind of funny because there wasn't enough room for every one.


When she was in I saw her cold face falling though. What was she expecting? Wasn't she used to poor people trying to not drawl? Well now I know she wasn't. She was used to go see very rich people not paying their taxes for years... not here.


The next time she spoke to me, it was clear she wasn't proud of what she was doing. Her voice was so more human. And endearing. Sort of. Her eyes were full of pity. I hated them back at the time. I never liked pity in people's eyes. And that woman was full of pity it seemed. She asked my story, and then tried some calls to make things better. Was it only pity? No. I know it wasn't. She was admiring me. She told me later. But I saw pity and it hurt me.


But I was also proud. Because they all knew then that I wasn't only being capricious. I was a real worker. I was full of honor. And I was grateful too. Because she was truly trying to help me. I saw her coworkers glancing at her like she was doing something wrong. Prohibited. Respect for this woman was entering my heart.


After two hours of calling banks and all, she told her coworkers to go get some coffee or something and that she would call them when the situation would be sealed. When her coworkers were gone, she did something I was way of expecting. Indeed, she told me she could give me her savings and then I would have more time to pay back. I couldn't accept such an offer!! It was pity. And even if it wasn't. How could I accept an offer like that from someone I didn't know? We had a sort of argument then. Her arguing I should accept and me arguing I could not accept. Though in the end she had an argument I couldn't ignore. That with all the debts I would loose my flat, my furniture but also maybe go in jail. Way too much money. And I didn't want to go in jail. I was already in a sort of jail thank to my father and brother, I would not go in jail because of them too!! So I said yes. Her smile was beautiful. She was definitely human now. Not someone working. She was a human helping another human. And it seemed to warm her heart up. Mine was warmed up too.


After many other calls I had half of my debts paid and a quarter paid with my furniture. Although it broke my heart, and still breaks it, because most of my furniture were from my grandmother. Anyway, I could not help it. I also lost my flat. Once again I wasn't expecting what she offered me. She asked me to come in her house, told me she had a guest room and since she helped to put me in the street she could offer me her guest room. I was shocked. Not only this woman was paying half of my debts (well I would give her money back but in so much time...), but she was giving me a place to live! There was something not right.


Life taught me to be careful with people. We have nothing freely. I was afraid of what this woman could ask from me or what she would do with me. Once again we argued about why I should go in her house and why not. Then she said something with her heart. I remember perfectly what she said, she said : "Please I could not stand you being in the street by my fault. It is selfish I think, it is to help me being able to sleep at night and then look at myself in a mirror, but please say yes". I said yes, but only for 2 days.


When everything was over and we got her home, there was a message on her answering machine. She was fired. Because of me. I felt very guilty and sorry. She wasn't. She told me she didn't want that kind of job anymore. It made me smile.


The next days became weeks. My three jobs became two. We got to know each other, and I started to fall for this woman. She was funny, smart, sexy... she had a job she didn't like but lost it. For me. Well for her too.


Anyway. One day she asked me out, and was already arguing I didn't have to say yes if I didn't want to. I had the choice, if I said yes it had to be because I wanted to go out with her, not because I thought I owed her that. She was so damn cute when babbling. It was like she thought and prepared her little speech. Of course I said yes.
Then it was heaven. Weeks became months.


She wanted to sell her house and buy a smaller one, to save money but also to restart her life I think. She asked me to choose one with her and to move in officially with her. I said yes.


We find a little house perfect. Well not too little. There were two bedrooms, an office, a laundry room and a big living room/dinner room. There also were a kitchen, a bathroom and a little restroom, a basement and a fantastic attic. A little backyards and a little front yards. It was heaven too. Our little nest.


Then I asked her to marry me. And to have a child with me. She said yes. So after searching a bit we found the perfect donor and spent the little we had saving to get pregnant. The donor was her cousin, he looks very much like her. So for me it was perfect. Even a Martian would have been perfect for me. Everything if it was with her.


We had luck enough to get pregnant after having tried only once. But her new job paid good enough to not worry about that. She wasn't paid as much as in her first job, but she was well paid and liked it. As for me I was very grateful for the help the vegetarian restaurant gave me. I was their favorite chef I think. I learnt everything with them. And when I said I would go to have a child, they told me I could come back after I would still have my job. And actually they did. Although I am not their chef's second now. I am the chef. But I still spend more time in the kitchen than showing myself to the customer. Except when my family is there.


Anyway, go back to my pregnancy and our child. I discovered during this pregnancy that my Willow was very anxious. Being a parent seemed to be a big fear. Pretty as big as her frog fear. We had some classes though, and it helped her a lot. She went to a therapist too. To calm her anxiousness and understand her fears.


Although during my labor she freaked out. Our daughter was a week earlier. But everything went fine. Of course I was a bit in pain, so she freaked out even more. But when our daughter was born, she was one of the happiest women in the room. I was one too. I had the most beautiful wife in the world, had a beautiful daughter even if at the birth it is not when we look our best. I had a family. A miracle happened to me. I was drawling and my wife saved me. Saved us.


And here I am today, dropping our daughter for the first time in kindergarten. So proud.


This is what I always dreamt about. I am the richest person in the world now.


The End.
Hope you liked it :blush
Last edited by JujuDeRoussie on Mon Jun 18, 2007 6:41 am, edited 2 times in total.
Broken Dolls |The Stadium's Goddesses | Seeds Of Beauty

"Joie est mon caractère, C'est la faute à Voltaire; Misère est mon trousseau, C'est la faute à Rousseau." Gavroche. Victor Hugo, Les Misérables (chap. XV)
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Re: [Short Fic Part 1/3] Seizure Of Heart

Postby Auriam » Fri Jun 15, 2007 2:24 pm

DIBS again :blush

And again it's wow
I LOVE it it's really really well write ! I can't find the word it's great!

i can't wait to read the last part !

I even couldn't play to the national lottery. So I would surely not win!


hihihihi

It lasted 2 years.


Oh my. When i read this sentence i just want cry.

Then I asked her to marry me. And to have a child with me.


Ah ah it's Tara who asks :peace

Being a parent seemed to be a big fear. Pretty as big as her frog fear. We had some classes though, and it helped her a lot.


How Willowly is that ?!? lol
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Re: [Short Fic Part 2/3] Seizure Of Heart

Postby Willowtree252 » Fri Jun 15, 2007 3:11 pm

:pinky Juju you are the sweetest!


Although during my labor she freaked out. Our daughter was a week earlier. But everything went fine. Of course I was a bit in pain, so she freaked out even more. But when our daughter was born, she was one of the happiest women in the room. I was one too. I had the most beautiful wife in the world, had a beautiful daughter even if at the birth it is not when we look our best. I had a family. A miracle happened to me. I was drawling and my wife saved me. saved us.



This is about RL and a real family




And here I am today, dropping our daughter for the first time in kindergarten. So proud.



I love when Willow and Tara have children it make,s there love come alive.





This is what I always dreamt about. I am the richest person in the world now.


This is not just about the story but about you this is really how you think my friend keep writing and don't let anyone stop you.
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Re: [Short Fic Part 2/3] Seizure Of Heart

Postby littlewicca » Fri Jun 15, 2007 7:21 pm

sniff!! I wanted to cry at the end, this was so sweet, sad at first and at the end so cool, i love it honey! really

Please write more ^^ I will love to read more, of this.
I cant find the words, because, it was realy awesome and there is not another word, really awesome.

I loved all! :bigkiss
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Re: [Short Fic Part 2/3] Seizure Of Heart

Postby Dax » Sun Jun 17, 2007 12:37 pm

Julia! :pride

Another great part or short fiction. :party

It’s a great stand alone story, but at the same time, this story and the first one, fit beautifully together to form the greater story. :wtkiss

I’m like totally anxious to read the third and finale part of it. :pray
And to learn who’s going to have the “point of view” of this one. :stink

Keep up the good work and don’t let us hanging out here to long. :pinky

Dax.
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Re: [Short Fic Part 2/3] Seizure Of Heart

Postby JujuDeRoussie » Tue Jun 19, 2007 6:01 am

Hey guys :)

Well all your messages warm my heart...

I wish there would have been more feedback, from people I don't know and all... and more about cristicism so I could get better.

By the way thank you Dax for what you sen dme... I didn't change everything but I edited for some bad faults ;-)

I will post the third and last short fic on friday night I think. It is done but I will not post it to early... Who knows? Maybe there are people who wants to feedback more about the others short fics :blush ^Lol

Anyway, I wanted just to say thank you for all of you :) To know that y'all are enjoying my attemps at writing in english gives me the strength to post more.

So Friday night, the third and last part of Seizure of Heart will be available for who wants to read it ^^

Thanks again,

Julia
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"Joie est mon caractère, C'est la faute à Voltaire; Misère est mon trousseau, C'est la faute à Rousseau." Gavroche. Victor Hugo, Les Misérables (chap. XV)
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Re: [Short Fic Part 2/3] Seizure Of Heart

Postby willowbaby05 » Tue Jun 19, 2007 6:17 am

:wave. Okay I'm hooked.:eatme This story is beyond great. Not to mention so romantic :aww. I almost cried. This story is AWESOME. I cant wait till Friday!!!! :D Update!! Yea!!!
:flower Akyire
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Re: [Short Fic Part 2/3] Seizure Of Heart

Postby littlewicca » Tue Jun 19, 2007 7:20 pm

ok now i have another reason to wait for friday´s night!!

:D:D :bigkiss
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Re: [Short Fic Part 2/3] Seizure Of Heart

Postby Halo » Wed Jun 20, 2007 11:50 am

Hi!
Well... that's so sweet!! :love :love :love You kept the atmosphere of the first bit and I really like it!!
I'm also glad that we get to see what Tara had to go through before... There was so much mystery in the first part, I had many questions. And you answered! Thanks! ;-)
And Friday, I'll be with the others, waiting for the last update!
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Re: [Short Fic Part 2/3] Seizure Of Heart

Postby Dax » Thu Jun 21, 2007 9:32 am

We Have to wait for the third part until Friday? :sigh

To long!
That’s much to long! :sob

Oh you are so cruel. :kdevil
Maybe I’m exaggerating a little (very much). :blush

But at least I know that it will be worth the wait.
:party
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Re: [Short Fic Part 2/3] Seizure Of Heart

Postby JujuDeRoussie » Fri Jun 22, 2007 2:34 pm

some replies to the last feedbacks and then the update :)

willowbaby05:
Hello Akyire :)
Thanks so much for your feedback! Hope you're still hooked, until tonight at least ^^
Thanks for reading and letin a feedback :)
I hope you'll like the last part. :)

Aggie Querida:
lol. I hope so. ;-)
Talk to you tonight cariño :wtkiss

Halo:
Hey :)
Hope you'll like also the third part :)
Thanks so much for feedbacking :)

Dax:
Awww!! Look at this crying little Dax ^^ One week is too long huh?
Too bad I didn't break my planning. Sometimes I am so much like Willow you know...Don't like to do things out of the plan. But sometimes (often even) I throw the plan by the window. Not this time though... sory. Lol
Hey is that the person who sent to me a pic to Amber at his sides who tells me I am cruel? :smash :kdevil
But at least I know that it will be worth the wait.

Sweet talker... lol
Talk to you soon :)


Thanks all for the feedbacks and for reading. :blush :)

I hope you'll like the third part.

friendly,

Julia
Broken Dolls |The Stadium's Goddesses | Seeds Of Beauty

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Re: [Short Fic Part 2/3] Seizure Of Heart

Postby JujuDeRoussie » Fri Jun 22, 2007 2:53 pm

Here goes the third and last short fic of The Seizure of Heart

Title: Seizure of Heart...
Rating: PG
Summary: This is a school girl essay :)
Feedback: Yes please, I would like to get better so... Bad or Good I don't care... just not disrespectful please?
Disclaimer: Of course I don't own anything and all... save the three rats, they're mine! ;-)

Note: I would like to thank tazraven for her help, but also my very dear friends for their kind words which made me want to continu. :) And to my sister who made me discover this board :)




[hr]A Week With The Maclay-Rosenberg Family.
by Hope Maclay-Rosenberg.


Subject: Introduce your family and explain the schedule of a normal week.

My family: In my family, there are the three of us. Mama, Mommy and I.
Mama's name is Tara Maclay-Rosenberg. She is 32 years old. She will be 33 years old in two months. She is Chef in a vegetarian restaurant. When she started there she was only a cook, then the chef's second, and now the chef. The restaurant was a little one. Now it is a bigger one.
Mommy's name is Willow Maclay-Rosenberg. She is 33 years old, and works in an enterprise but I can't explain what she does. It is strange. But she loves it.
And then there is me. Hope Maclay-Rosenberg. An 8 years old school girl in third grade. I skipped a class last year.
Oh, and there are also my rats. Sneezy, Dopey and Scooby.



Monday:
Every Monday, we all wake up at 6:45am. Mommy goes to the bathroom first, and Mama goes in the kitchen to make breakfast. I go help Mama. Then I am second in the bathroom. When I am finished I go back to the kitchen, and generally everything is ready waiting for me to be eaten. We eat together.

By 7:40 am, Mommy and I go to school and then Mommy to her work. We walk everyday, except when it is raining, because it is better for our health and for the Earth. I saw it on the Discovery Channel.

From 7:55 am to 3:00 pm, I am at school. Mama is at home resting and doing her chores then goes to the restaurant to check everything is fine and the products are good for her cooking. Mommy is at her work until 4:30 pm.

At 3:00 pm, Mama comes at school and walks me back. Usually we go by the park and I play a bit. Or we just sit under a tree and eat some fruits and cookies. I tell Mama my day, and she tells me stories from her work. Or things about history or art. Mama loves history and art. When she cooks, Mommy says Mama does art. Indeed, Mama is a chef in a restaurant. She is the best ever. Mommy agrees with me. I never understood what Mommy's work was. So I can't explain. But she loves it. Mama says it is what is important.

When we got home, it is usually 5:00pm. Mommy is already there or will be very soon. Mama goes take a little nap until 6 o'clock. then a shower, and by 6:20 pm she is gone to her work but not without many kisses with Mommy and some "be careful" or "I may come home a bit late"... Every time it is like they're going to not see each other for days. Mama works until 2:00 am usually. They have customers until 12:30 and sometimes 1:00 am and then have to clean the restaurant and the kitchen. Oh and Mama gives her list of things she need for Wednesday's menu.

Here, at home, when Mama is gone, Mommy starts the dinner and I start my homework. She is not bad either in cooking. Not as good as Mama but not bad. She says she learnt with the best. I hear them sometimes talking about Mama giving a lesson to Mommy or punish her to have been bad. Therefore, I am not surprised to know Mama taught Mommy how to cook.

After dinner, I finish my homework, and Mommy does her chores. After I have finished and Mommy has explained to me what I needed her to, we watch a movie or a show. At the same time I play with my rats.

At 8:45 pm, I am in bed and Mommy tells a story for me. I am a bit too old for that but she likes bedtime and we enjoy ourselves so I still have my bedtime's story.

Then Mommy goes downstairs to wait for Mama to come back home. She never goes to bed alone.
She prefers to fall asleep on the couch.

When Mama comes home they go to bed, have their bedtime stories, also I believe it is action stories because they make some noises.

Then it is Tuesday.


Tuesday:
Like on Mondays, we wake up at 6:45 am. And like every day, Mommy goes first in the bathroom, I go help Mama to make breakfast, I go to the shower, we eat breakfast.

Then things change a bit. Tuesday is Mama's first day off the week. The restaurant is closed. Therefore, she walks me to school with Mommy. Then she walks Mommy to her job, and then goes back home and rests.

At 3:00 pm, Mama comes to pick me up at school in car. We go to the grocery store and do most of the errands of the week. Then we go back home where Mommy is already there.

Tuesday is my favorite day. Because the evening is spent together. The three of us. I do my homework with Mommy's help while Mama makes a wonderful dinner. When it is ready, I usually have finished my homework and cleaned my rats' cage and play a bit with them.

We enjoy Mama's dinner and then I do the dishes to give my mothers some alone time. I know they have smoochies while I am in the kitchen. But they think I don't know that they kiss.

After the dishes are over, I come to the living room soundly to announce my arrival. Usually they are all red. Then we play a board game or watch a movie.

At 8:30 pm, I go to bed, and they both come to tell me a story.

Around 9 o'clock, they go to bed and have their own bedtime.

And Wednesday comes.


Wednesday:
Wednesday come by like Monday. But instead of Mama picking me up at school, it is Mommy who goes out early on Wednesday. We come home right away to see a bit Mama and then go to the swimming pool. When I was a little kid I had backaches... The doctor said I needed to do some exercises and that to swim was good. So since then, once a week Mommy and I go to swim. Even if my back is good now. Mommy says it is good for stamina and stamina is very useful.

After the swimming pool, Mommy and I are used to go to Mama's vegetarian restaurant. Everybody knows me there. They're all very nice with me, and I even have the right to go kiss Mama in the kitchen. No other costumer is allowed to do so. Even Mommy. Once Mama let me prepare Mommy's plate. It was a day when there were very few costumers. I remember we did a heart shaped with her veggies, and to be able to kiss her Mama had brought it herself to Mommy. Usually Mama tries to find some minutes to come to say hi to Mommy.

After we have dinner, we come home, and I get ready to bed. However, even if I usually don't have homework on Wednesdays night, I at least read my lessons instead of having a bedtime story. When I do have homework, I still find sometimes to do them... We come home earlier.

And like on Mondays night, Mommy sleeps on the couch to wait for Mama and go to bed with her.

Then we're already Thursday!


Thursday:
This day goes usually like usual Mondays.

However, at dinner we are not only Mommy and I, but there is also Mommy's cousin, his wife and their son.

And here comes Friday.


Friday:
Fridays start usually as the other days.

It is after school that things change a bit. Because on Friday night it is the weekend. This means sleep over at a friend's or at my house with friends. Not always but usually. So I come back home directly, and clean up my rats' cage. They are funny when I clean their cage. It is as if they survey every one of my moves to be sure I do it correctly.

Tonight though there is no sleepover. Well not with my friends anyway. Uncle Xander and Auntie Anya are in town to see us. And my cousins Dawn and Faith. So they stay at home. Uncle Xander is Mommy's heart brother. They've known each other since kindergarten. But after High School they had lost contacts and it had to wait until Mommy stops her first job for them to reconnect. Now they don't want to lose each other again so they come home once per month or so, and we go at their place when we all can. But with Mama's job it is difficult.

Anyway, tonight they are here. My cousins are nice but dawn is always winning and Faith tends to break my toys.

When they are at home, we have dinner and then watch movies. Mamma works. Well the grown ups, not us. We can watch the first but then have to head back in my bedroom and sleep. Of course we talk more than we sleep.

When they are tired, Uncle Xander and Auntie Anya go to bed. They sleep on the couch in the office.

Mommy stays on the couch to wait for Mama... As every nights of work. And when she gets home, as always they go to bed.

The night lets room to a new day called Saturday.


Saturday:
Saturdays can go in two different ways usually. Depends on Mama. If it is a day off or not. She has two Saturdays off per month. This week is one of them. It is one of the reasons why Uncle Xander came this weekend instead of next week.

Usually, my cousins and I wake up first. We go in the kitchen, take a box of cereals, then sit in front of the cartoons, and eat directly in the box of cereals. Mama and Mommy don't like that.

When everyone is up and has eaten Mama's wonderful funny shaped pancakes, and when we all managed to have a shower, it is usually already time to have lunch. Auntie Anya is the one cooking this weekend. It changes every time. Once it was Faith, Dawn and I who prepared the lunch. We were proud of our plate of candies. However, not our parents who after have laughed told us to put a jacket on and that we were all going to eat out.

After lunch, if Mama had worked she would have been gone to the restaurant to prepare everything. Saturdays are always busier than the other days of the week.

But since she doesn't work, today we went to the social center. Mama gives there some lesson cooking on her Saturdays off. And Mommy gives advices to family having debts or needing advices with law every Saturdays. Mama is always so proud of Mommy about that. Every Saturdays she can't help but kisses mommy when she is finished. And always she repeats "You're the greatest, I love you". I don't understand what is so fantastic in what Mommy does. I know she helps people and all, but isn't that normal to help people? I know the center loves my mothers. Who doesn't?

Anyway, after Mama's class and Mommy's visits with families, we meet Xander, Anya, Faith and Dawn. Today we go to a show with horses "dancing". Mommy was afraid of horses before but Mama has guaranteed her once safety and pleasure. Or something like that. Since Mommy can come with us to see shows with horses.

After the show we come back home. We usually play a board game. Usually Monopoly. Auntie Anya and Dawn love it. Auntie Anya wins almost every times, and Dawn has tendencies to steal some of our money or even some cards!! You have to be careful with her.

After the board game, we go to bed. Not the grown ups though. And even when they go to bed, there are very many noises coming from the office and my mothers' bedroom. I am not so sure any of them is asleep for some hours after going to bed. It is not that I am spying on them. Just sometimes the noises are so loud... and my cousins and I are always talking almost the all night so we know everything of what happen in my house. Faith once said they were having origami. Or orgazem? I don't know how to write it. And I don't know what it means. I hope it is not dangerous. I know my mothers told me to never come in there bedroom without their permissions. So if it is dangerous I will not be able to help them.

Anyway, after some times the house is always back quiet.

And without notice, Sunday takes over Saturday.


Sunday:
Sunday morning Uncle Xander, Auntie Anya, Faith, and Dawn go back to their home. They could go later but are very busy. It lets me the time to do my homework and to be with Mama and Mommy.

Mama doesn't work on Sundays. The restaurant was open on Sundays before, but they decided to close it and just enjoy some times of rest. Mama says it is because the restaurant is good and that people love it enough, so it doesn't do lose money to close it on Sundays.

We usually stay at home or go to the park. But we don't spend more money. The week is already expensive. Especially when Uncle Xander and Auntie Anya are there with the girls. It is not that we don't have enough money, but Mama is always a bit worried about having financial trouble. I don't understand why she is so afraid. Mommy says it is because Mama had a very bad life before and is scared to lose everything. It doesn't bother me to stay at home and not go to the movie or something. We already have enough time out.

When I am done with my homework and one of them explained to me what I didn't understand, we do activities all together. Sometimes it is cooking, sometimes it is paint... but Mommy isn’t good at paint. Oh sometimes Mommy explain to me how work computers. I love when she explains to me all those things. It is so interesting!

We play also with my rats and try to teach them things animals do in circus. However, the only thing we succeed to teach them is to not do potty or pee outside of their cage. I know my mothers regret often to not have a cat instead. But I am allergic. And they prefer me to a kitty.

Therefore, the Sunday is spent in family, just the three of us. Having a good time. And I think I have the two best mothers. Or at least I hope all the children have parents as fabulous as mine.

At 20:45 pm, it is time for me to go to bed. And the week is already over. Another one will start tomorrow.

The End.[hr]



Hope was looking with bright expecting green eyes at her mothers who had just read her homework. She had done it all by herself, without even showing one of her mothers the draft. She had typed it and printed it. Without any help. So here she was, wearing a proud smile also hopeful, and expecting her mothers to say what they thought of it.

Tara was the first to speak.

"You did this all by yourself? I am so proud Sweetie." Tara smiled proudly as her 7 years-old daughter was nodding proudly.

"Yes it is good Baby girl. There are one or two things you should delete or change, but it is good,» said a smiling Willow. Then she exchanged a look with Tara, both thinking about what should really be deleted and so not read by Hope's teacher. The small voice of their daughter made them stop looking at each other. The knowing look become a wanting one.

"I can't change anything. I already give it to my teacher" Said shyly the little blonde girl, almost ashamed to not have told her mothers earlier.

"What?!!" Exclaimed Willow a bit too forcefully. Seeing her daughter afraid to have made her Mommy mad, Willow softened her tone.

"Why didn't you show it to us earlier? Before you give it to you teacher as you do usually?"

"I wanted to see how was valued my work. I mean without you telling me what was wrong. I am glad you help me, but I wanted to see what the teacher would say." replied a blushing Hope.

"Awww! Come here Sweetie. We are not mad at you... Just very surprised. And there are something we think could not be there, but it is okay. Don't worry" Said Tara.

The little girl sat on the couch between her Mama and her Mommy, enjoying the closeness and being relieved that her mothers weren't mad at her. Although she wondered what her Mama didn't want to be on her work. But something else went back on her mind.

"Oh you said you had a surprise for me?"

Eyes bright and curious, smile from ear to ear, the blonde girl looked back and forth between Willow and Tara waiting for her surprise.

The two women exchanged another knowing look. But Willow's one was a bit nervous. Tara reached for her wife's hand on the couch's back, and squeezed it gently and reassuringly. She was the one speaking first.

"Yes Honey. We have something very important to tell you and we think you will really like it."

"Are we going to have a dog? It is a dog isn't it?" Interrupted a girl looking very like her Mommy in her expression.

"No Baby Girl... What we have to tell you is way better than a dog" answered this time Willow, quite amused by her daughter's reaction.

Still looking with expecting eyes, the girl kept watching back and forth between her mothers, now very quiet.

Another moment of silence passed before Tara spoke once again.

"I know you were young, but do you remember when you were 5 and I was pregnant?"

"Yes! You had to stay two weeks at the hospital because the baby hurt you!" Said a sad and angry child.

"Honey, that is not exactly what happened. But yes. I had to have surgery and stayed two weeks far away from my two girls."

"And then you said you couldn't have a baby anymore and asked me to forgive you for not being able to make me a sister or a brother. But I wasn't mad at you Mama!"

This made smile Tara. A sad smile at first but then happier. Willow kissed her wife's hand in an attempt of showing her love. The memory of this painful event still living in her head.

"Anyway Sweetie" started again Tara. " I can't carry a child anymore, but still have one. And your Mommy still can carry one."

"I heard you said once to Mommy that her frame was too small and that it was dangerous. So Mommy can't carry a child either!" Hope was more and more agitated, not understanding where her Mama was going, and why they were talking about such things.

"Baby I can carry a child. Yes, I have a smaller frame than Mama's, but it is not as dangerous as Mama says. By the way since when do you listen through doors?" Ask a smirking Willow, hoping her little girl would be reassured.

"I wasn't listening! I wanted some water that's all". Pouted Hope, not liking being busted at listening through doors.

Still smiling, Tara went on.

"Mommy and I went to a doctor six months ago to ask if Mommy could carry a baby safely. And the answer was yes."

"So we tried and I am pregnant of Mama's child." Grinning Willow.

Hope's eyes were full of joy. She had wanted a baby sister or a baby brother so much, but then thought
Her mother will not give her one. She knew they could have adopted but was afraid of her reaction. However, here they were. The three of us, her two mothers waiting a baby.

"And that is not all" continued Tara.

"What?" asked Hope.

"Well I am pregnant of three months. We wanted to be sure that everything was fine to tell you. And guess what?" said Willow.

"Everything is right?" said innocently and a bit worriedly Hope.

"Yes Baby Girl, everything is perfect even."

"Well not perfect I am still not totally reassured with that" interrupted Tara.

This was not lost on the girl. She looked between her mother, back and forth, and in a small voice asked "What is it?"

"They are twins."





The End

Thanks all for reading, hope you have liked it. :)
Julia
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"Joie est mon caractère, C'est la faute à Voltaire; Misère est mon trousseau, C'est la faute à Rousseau." Gavroche. Victor Hugo, Les Misérables (chap. XV)
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Re: [Short Fic Part 2/3] Seizure Of Heart

Postby Willowtree252 » Fri Jun 22, 2007 2:54 pm

:pinky Dibs Juju this is a very wonderful story and I love it. There is lot's of funny , sad , happy , loving, joy, pain mixed all up it this. you have shown how much love there is between them all and I love the rat's. I am so very, very, proud of you sweetie ;-)
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Re: [Short Fic Part 3/3] Seizure Of Heart

Postby littlewicca » Fri Jun 22, 2007 6:56 pm

Oh baby I love it!!!

You are so great, as dia said, this story has all!! I wanted to laugh, to cry.
This story has a lot of meanings, I hope people will read it, and that this story got to their hearts as it got to me.

Im proud, keep the writting ok?
:bigkiss
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Re: [Short Fic Part 3/3] Seizure Of Heart

Postby myfamiliar2824 » Fri Jun 22, 2007 9:14 pm

AAWWWW That was very cute. I love reading stories with happy endings. I hope that you write another one soon. :peace
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Re: [Short Fic Part 3/3] Seizure Of Heart

Postby JustSkipIt » Sat Jun 23, 2007 12:36 pm

Julia,
What a wonderful two updates. The second gave us insight into Tara's side of Willow's story and was quite touching. But my favorite so far is Hope's essay. I'm lol that she turned it in already. How embarrassing for W/T (and X/A). I loved the part that Dawn is whiny and Faith breaks Hope's toys. Figures! I'm really impressed with this. I particularly like the way the final line ties into the next update.

Well done.
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Re: [Short Fic Part 3/3] Seizure Of Heart

Postby Dax » Sun Jun 24, 2007 11:26 am

I knew this part would be as fantastic – sweet, romantic and generally as great as the two previous other once!!! :pinky
Julia you’re truly great. :party

Loved the idea of Hope writing an essay on the life of the Maclay-Rosenberg family. :kgeek

And then there is me. Hope Maclay-Rosenberg. An 8 years old school girl in third grade. I skipped a class last year.
Oh, and there are also my rats. Sneezy, Dopey and Scooby.

Well Hope certainly very much comes after her Mommy – she’s certainly a very bright girl. But she also has something in common with her “Honorary Auntie Julia”.

Mommy's name is Willow Maclay-Rosenberg. She is 33 years old, and works in an Enterprise but I can't explain what she does. It is strange. But she loves it.

Very much loved that one, among others of course. Like:

When she cooks, Mommy says Mama does art. Indeed, Mama is a chef in a restaurant. She is the best ever. Mommy agrees with me. I never understood what Mommy's work was. So I can't explain. But she loves it. Mama says it is what is important.


Then Mommy goes downstairs to wait for Mama to come back home. She never goes to bed alone.
She prefers to fall asleep on the couch.

When Mama comes home they go to bed, have their bedtime stories, also I believe it is action stories because they make some noises.


What can I say – just the sweetest and innocent thing one could think of.

Uncle Xander and Auntie Anya are in town to see us. And my cousins Dawn and Faith. […]

Anyway, tonight they are here. My cousins are nice but Dawn is always winning and Faith tends to break my toys.


Ha, Ha, ha! :laugh
They look somewhat familiar to two other girls of that name we all know.
But..
No auntie Buffy? :eyebrow

But maybe one or both of the twins will be a girl and thus carry this proud name?

Good to see though – in the sense of story telling – that even though things for the Maclay-Rosenberg family are mostly bright and happy, there have been dark times too. And that the love between Willow, Tara and their daughter Hope is strong enough to help them through that doubtless difficult time.

"They are twins!"
:-D

You do know that this sounds to me?
That’s right: Sequel!!! :pride

Anyway.
This was a really wonderful story and I hope you will go on writing stories like this. Or translating the French story you once mentioned.

You truly have some talent here. So don’t keep us working to long.

Dax

Ps: I think we both can agree on charring the name Hope – wouldn’t you agree?
Today my friend, your diary entry will read: Took a […] hostage and got shoot by three armed bastards.”
Gene Hunt – Ashes to Ashes
“A Love Beyond the Stars”
“What Dreams may Come”
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