Skip to content


The Amazing Kitten Race

Author Index - N-Z.
This is a forum for Willow and Tara Fan Fiction that is Complete. Please read the content advisories on individual stories, read at your own discretion. You CAN leave feedback!

The Amazing Kitten Race

Postby watty » Sun Feb 20, 2005 7:21 am

First and foremost, a big gigantic thanks to Debra for starting Survivor - Ash Island. Even if you are not a reality show fan, check it out because it's smashing. The W/T interaction in Chapter 2 is worth the entrance price (so to speak) already.

Second, thanks again to Debra for the inspiration for the Amazing Race fic, and her continuous encouragement of my writing, especially her advertisement for my other fic in all her threads.

Anyway, I think CBS loves us kittens because we now have not one, but two, reality crossovers. Yes, it's time for The Amazing Kitten Race.

Those of you not familiar with The Amazing Race (TAR), there's a bit on it in the update below. If you're still confused or want to add items to the glossary, just let me know.

For me, TAR isn't TAR without Miss Alli's recaps on televisionwithoutpity, even the racers themselves show up on TWoP forums. So the format of the episodes will take the form of recaps, ie a write-up of the episode from the viewpoint of the recapper (ie, me). It will be personal, snarky and I hope humorous. I'm not Miss Alli though so bear with me and tell me if it isn't working. I'll also include some behind the scenes footage and extras.

Updates will be slow at first cos I want to finish Common Areas, and I was in the middle of writing a new fic, which I'll probably now put aside. Plus this year I have a lot of business trips planned, like I just came home on Friday and I'm flying off again on Wednesday for 2 weeks.

I have an outline of the route, I don't think it's spoilery to say we're going West to East. I'm going to go to cities and countries that I've lived in or visited, and I'm fortunate in that I've had the opportunity to go to so many places. I have destinations in Europe, Africa and Asia lined up, and I'm thinking of going to Australia. If you are from, or familiar with, a country/city/town/village you really want included, particularly if you have ideas for a roadblock, detour or pitstop, please let me know (email or ezmail is fine).

So without further ado, let's get this show on the road.

[hr]


Title: The Amazing Kitten Race
Author: watson (hiddenwatson@yahoo.com)
Distribution: this is for Pens, if you want to archive it elsewhere, please let me know me first
Rating: Episodes are PG-13, Recaps and Behind-the-scenes are R or more
Disclaimer: BtVS characters, concepts and dialog belong to Mutant Enemy, Fox, The WB, UPN and others. The Amazing Race belongs to CBS, Amazing Race Productions Inc, Touchstone Television Productions Inc, Jerry Bruckheimer Productions and others.
Summary: The Amazing Race Crossover. It's a race around the world. Who will be Eliminated? Who will win $1 million?


INTRODUCTION

Theme

The Amazing Race consists of teams of 2 people who have an existing relationship with each other (parent/child, family members, friends, co-workers, married couples, dating/ex-dating etc) who search for clues that will lead them to destinations around the world.

Each leg of the race consists of finding the clues, traveling to the next clue by negotiating taxis, public transport or self-drive. There are also specific tasks that the team members must complete to proceed to the next destination.

At the end of each leg one team will be eliminated. There are exceptions when it is a non-elimination round, but the team that checks in last in a non-elim leg will be penalized.

The team that crosses the finish line first, after racing several tens of thousand miles and more than a dozen legs, receive a prize of US$1 million.

*****

Glossary & Rules
For more detailed glossary and other goodies, check out the TARspeak page.

TAR - stands for The Amazing Race, much easier to type than the whole string.

Detour - is a choice between 2 tasks that both team members have to perform together. There are pros and cons associated with each task and the teams have to decide which task to do. They may change their minds midway through a task but will need to start the other task from the beginning, and they will have lost the time they spent on the first task. There is usually one Detour per leg.

Roadblock - is a task that only one team member may perform. Teams have to decide who takes the task before the actual task begins, the other team member may encourage their team-mate, but may not participate in the task at all. There is usually one Roadblock per leg, and individual team members may not perform more than 6 Roadblocks during the race.

Fast Forward (FF) - when a team finds a fast forward, they may choose to take it and skip all remaining tasks in that leg. A team may only use a fast forward once during the race, and only one team may enjoy that FF, so if 2 teams both go for the FF at the same leg, only the first team to arrive will get the benefit. There are only a few FF in the race.

Yield - a team may be Yielded if another team in front of them decides to use it. Yields are placed at certain points along the route, a team can Yield another team by placing a photo of the Yielded team on a marked board, as well as their own photo, so the other team know who their tormemtors are. Yielded teams must cannot proceed with the race until a pre-determined amount of time, as indicated by turning over a small hourglass, has elapsed.

Route-markers - are red and yellow flags placed along the route so the racers know that they have found the correct destination. For example this is placed in front of a building that contains the clue.

Clues - are placed in TAR yellow envelopes in green clueboxes. One member of a team must read the clue out loud and in full within the vicinity of the cluebox before proceeding.

Bunching - an undesirable side-effect of racing, where teams in front have to wait for certain events, for example opening times of museums or flight departure times, and their lead is diminished, or totally eliminated, as other teams arrive.

Pitstop - at the end of each leg, teams are given a chance to rest, eat, sleep and mingle with the other racers. A Pitstop may be 12 or 36 hours. Racers also take the opportunity to plan their strategy for the next leg, purchase travel guides, or generally relax.

Non-elim - are legs in the race that have been pre-determined as non-elimination. This means the last team to check-in still remain in the race, however they have to turn in all their money and will not be given money at the start of the next leg.

Money - racers are not allowed to bring their own money or credit cards. At the beginning of each leg they are given a certain amount of cash, which they need to use for transport, food, guidebooks, entrance fees etc. Money not used up in one leg can be accumulated.

Tickets - teams use the cash they were given to pay for tickets and taxis. The only exception are plane tickets, which they buy using the production crew credit card. Teams must purchase coach class tickets, they cannot buy business or first class. However if the airline is willing to sell higher class tickets for coach prices, they are allowed. Both team members must travel on the same flight in the same class. Team members may only buy one set of ticket for each flight.

Sequesterville - where eliminated teams are imprisoned, erm given a free vacation in an exotic location but not allowed to interact with the outside world, until the end of the race when they are all flown to the finish line to greet the winners.

*****

The Racers

Joyce & Sheila - Working Moms
Joyce is the owner of an art gallery in Chicago, Illinois. she is divorced and has 2 teenaged daughters. She was a dancer when younger and lived in Italy for two years, studying History of Art.

Sheila is a child psychologist from Chicago, Illinois. She is married to Ira and they have one daughter. She is widely published and traveled and has a book entitled "My Daughter is Gay, Kinky and Has Run Off to Join a Witch Cult, But It's Not My Fault" that was on the New York Times Non-fiction Best Seller list for 37 weeks.

Joyce and Sheila's children go to the same high school, they entered the race at the urging of their daughters. They believe their combined travel and worldly experience will enable them to overcome their obvious disadvantage of not being the youngest or most physical team.

Lorne & Cordy - Actors
Lorne and Cordy are actors performing in the same stage show in Las Vegas, Nevada. They hope that their flamboyance and determination to succeed will enable them to do well in the race, which they entered to meet new people and travel to new places.

Lorne has been singer since very young, he was in his church choir and once considered auditioning for the Vienna's Boy's Choir. He got through to the Hollywood round of American Idol last season and has won various national karaoke singing competitions.

Cordy is an aspiring actress that has appeared in several daytime dramas and commercials. She is fiercely determined to become famous and to have more serious dramatic parts.

Snyder & Flutie - School Principals
Snyder and Flutie are principals of neighboring schools in Portland, Oregon. They both serve on the education board of their district and participate in many local charity and church events. They entered the race as an example to their students, that they can overcome any personal difficulties to reach a goal.

Snyder served in the Vietnam war, rising to the rank of Lieutenant in the Signals Corps of the US Army. He believes in a strong work ethic and obedience throughout a child's education. He has implemented numerous disciplinary measures at his school, which enjoys the lowest truancy rates in the state.

Flutie believes in allowing a child to self-educate, he is the principal of one of the first Montessori public schools in the district. In his spare time, Flutie runs a pig farm.

Xander & Anya - Married Store Owners
Xander and Anya are owners of several profitable retail stores in Oxnard, California. They are planning to have children, and wants to use the time on the race to consolidate their relationship.

Xander used to be a construction foreman, however an accident at work caused him to lose one eye. He is determined that his injury will not be a handicap in life and has won numerous carpentry and woodworking competitions around the country.

Anya worked as an accountant in a Big Four firm before she met Xander. She is the driving force behind their stores and has ambitions to expand their business to a national level.

April & Andrew - Dated Same Guy
April and Andrew are a dating couple from Dayton, Ohio and Cincinnati, Ohio respectively. They have dated for nearly 2 years, and have the distinction of both having been involved with the same person. Their motivation for entering the race is in dedication for their friend Warren who died of a drug overdose in prison.

April is a waitress studying to be a kindergarten teacher. She has 5 younger siblings, loves children and also works part-time as an entertainer at children's parties.

Andrew graduated with a Bachelor of Arts from UCLA with a specialization in Documentary Film-making. He is proud to share his Cincinnati heritage with such luminaries as Doris Day, Jerry Springer and Steven Spielberg.

Darla & Angel - Divorced Parents
Darla and Angel are divorced parents from Pittsburg, Pennsylvania and Philadelphia, Pennsylvania respectively. Although divorced, they share custody of their son Connor and still go on family vacations together. They consider themselves good friends rather than ex-lovers and entered the race for the sense of adventure they both share.

Darla is a personal shopper at a prominent department store. She is also an avid cook and often makes richly decorated cakes for parties and functions.

Angel is a partner at a law firm, after a short career in the police force. His serious appearance hides a relentless practical joker and he is a sought after motivational speaker on the self-help circuit.

Buffy & Riley - Olympians
Buffy and Riley are America's golden couple, having captured the nation's heart during the 2004 Olympics in Athens. They hope that their Olympic experience, and sense of competitiveness, will add another triumph in their list of successes.

Buffy, currently living in New York City, won a bronze medal in the individual uneven bars and was a member of the silver medal winning team in the team gymnastics event. She is training for the next Olympics in Beijing and hope to win more medals for herself and her country.

Riley, from Waterloo, Iowa, was a member of the world record breaking, gold medal, men's 4x100 medley swimming relay team, an even that had the whole country watching at the edge of their seats. The team members received a roaring reception upon their return to the US. He is going strong in his new career as a sports commentator.

Ben & Glory - Twins
Ben and Glory are fraternal twins from Baltimore, Maryland. They share an avid interest in mysteries, and are volunteers at the Edgar Allan Poe House and Museum, conducting weekend tours for visitors. Their wish for entering the race is to see the world, have fun and forge their separate identities.

Ben is a second year resident at the Johns Hopkins Hospital, returning to his home city after serving his internship in Washington DC. Apart from volunteering at the EA Poe House, he also coaches little league baseball in his spare time.

Glory is a secretary at the Maryland Transit Administration. She is married to Joel, a doctor, and has a young son. She was a cheerleader and voted most likely to have a large family at high school.

Rupert & Randy - Estranged Father & Son
Rupert and Randy haven't seen each other for more than 10 years, after Rupert moved to England. Recently upon the death of Randy's mother, father and son re-united and have tried to remain in touch. They entered the race to repair the tension in their relationship.

Rupert is a historian, currently based in New Haven, Connecticut where he teaches at Yale University. He loves research and reading, he has also directed several historical dramas in off-off-off-off Broadway productions.

Randy, who lives in New York City, has inherited his father's genes for the arts, he is a Professional Impersonator and is a frequent participant in conferences and functions, where he dresses up as celebrities. His speciality include Billy Idol and Sherlock Holmes.

Willow & Tara - More than Friends
Willow and Tara are from Oakland, California and Birmingham, Alabama respectively. They met when they worked on the same computer animation project last year. They are trying to decide if a relationship is worth pursuing given their geographical distance and uncertainty about whether their conservative families will accept them as a couple.

Willow was educated at MIT, where she received her Master of Science degree. She worked for several prominent dotcom companies in Silicon Valley before deciding to go freelance and work on projects she enjoy. She is also the writer of one of the most read blogs on the internet.

Tara started off as a staff writer at children's magazines before a chance encounter propelled her into the world of animation. She is currently working on several projects and aims to direct and produce her own animated short eventually.

Faith & Robin - Long-time Engaged
Faith and Robin is a mixed race couple from Boston, Massachusetts. They have been engaged for 3 years after meeting at a fancy dress party. Robin wants to settle down soon but Faith is still enjoying her status as an independent woman. Their motivation for entering the race is to see if their future is together.

Faith is an aerobics instructor and personal trainer. She trains hard everyday and has taken part in both the Boston and New York Marathons.

Robin is a manager at a fast food restaurant. He is also a fitness fanatic and has also taken part at the Boston Marathon.

Adam & Oz - Roadies
Adam and Oz both work as professional road crews, touring with musicians and ensuring the production goes smoothly. They have worked with musicians such as Blink 182, The Dixie Chicks and Stevie Wonder. They like to consider themselves a 'cool' team, and their ability to remain cool under pressure will be an advantage during the tough race.

Adam is from Glen Falls, New York and attended Michigan State University on a football scholarship until he was forced to retire due to injury. He briefly switched interest to basketball before finding the music bug. He played in many college bands as a drummer, he still plays the drum but nowadays he is a rigger and engineer, good at combining seemingly unconnected machine parts into a workable model.

Oz hails from Roswell, New Mexico, home of aliens and UFOs. He has been writing music since he was a teenager, has been a guitar technician since high school and collects rare lyrics sheets. He once played a young Woody Allen in one of Woody's standup shows.

*****

Teaser for Episode 1

Shot of Phil Keogan shouting "GO!" and teams of contestants racing across a carpark to retrieve their backpacks.

Shot of teams huddled at computer terminals.

A blonde in her mid-twenties shouting at a brown-haired man with an eye-patch, "You have to decide which airline first, they're in different buildings!"

Shot of a middle-aged man trying to break open a crab claw, then throwing it violently against a nearby wall in frustration.

Shot of an athletic young man jumping from a boat, slipping and falling into the river.

*****

Inaugural Episode of The Amazing Kitten Race, coming soon to a computer near you ...

*****
Last edited by watty on Fri Apr 29, 2005 6:30 pm, edited 2 times in total.
User avatar
watty
14. Lesbo Street Cred
 
Posts: 2086
Topics: 1
Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2005 5:15 pm


Re: The Amazing Kitten Race

Postby the hero factor » Sun Feb 20, 2005 11:46 am

I admit, I don't watch TAR, but the premise sounds great, and I love the teams! It'll be neat seeing some the characters you've chosen (Lorne, Adam, Ben and Glory, Snyder, Flutie) that we don't usually see in uber fics.



And writing it in the style of a TWoP recap? That should be cool (me love TWoP). I may have to go check out some of the TAR recaps.



Can't wait for more.

the hero factor
 


Re: The Amazing Kitten Race

Postby xonethousandtears08x » Sun Feb 20, 2005 12:12 pm

Great beginning.



please feel free to continue..

xonethousandtears08x
 


Re: The Amazing Kitten Race

Postby tarawhipped » Sun Feb 20, 2005 1:20 pm

Watson! What a treat, though I too have never seen the show, you do a great job explaining the premise, and the teams you've chosen are fantastic! Snyder and Flutie, Cordy and Lorne, April and Andrew--oh the possibilities! Your brief descriptions have me anxious for this show to get on the road, and can I just add that Sheila's book title is absolutely brilliant.



Nice to see both you and Debra tackling this new crossover genre. My own irritation with reality shows has a lot to do with the people on them, but populated with the good folk from Sunnydale, well you can't go wrong.



:peace -Cam



What should I be but just what I am? - Edna St.Vincent Millay

tarawhipped
 


Re: The Amazing Kitten Race

Postby Disastered » Sun Feb 20, 2005 6:46 pm

I have just recently become an Amazing Race fan. In fact the only episode I've ever seen was the most recent season's finale, but it seemed really interesting so I'm planning on watching the next season.



I am so thrilled to see this as a buffyverse fic. I absolutely love the pairings. Especially the ones with the smaller characters like April and Andrew, and Shiela and Joyce. I can't wait for the actual race part to start.

Disastered
 


Re: The Amazing Kitten Race

Postby Artemis » Sun Feb 20, 2005 10:47 pm

Amazing! :) I admit I hadn't ever paid much attention to TAR myself, until a couple of weeks ago when I caught the end of it - as usual, waiting for Stargate to start - and saw the episode where the two sisters were stuck at that hay bale task for something like seven hours, one of those 'roadblock' thingies that one of them had to stand on the sidelines for while the other did it. That really moved beyond the usual 'reality TV' niche for me, I thought it was really powerful, and really touching.



So I'm happier than happy that you've started this Race :D I love the teams you've chosen - Snyder and Flutie :lmao , Snyder's going to kill Flutie and dump the body, isn't it? - and I'm really looking forward to seeing them all get put through their paces, and how they respond to it. Especially Willow and Tara - I like the situation you've chosen for them, where they're just at the beginning of a relationship, trying to decide if it's worth it in spite of all the obstacles in their way. I'm really looking forward to seeing them go through the Race and realise that they'd do anything for each other.



So... was that guy falling in the river Riley? :D



I'd love to host this on Through the Looking-glass ( alia.customer.netspace.net.au/glass.htm ), is that okay? :pray Definitely looking forward to episode one.

Chris Cook

Through the Looking-glass

A Willow and Tara for every world.

Artemis
 


Re: The Amazing Kitten Race

Postby hidden watson » Mon Feb 21, 2005 8:59 am

Chris,



Of course! I'll be honoured to have this story on Looking Glass, it's one of a dwindling group of fic sites that haven't been banned at work, so it's where I get my fix during working hours. Can I use just "watson" please, I couldn't get the login name when I first registered at ezboard, thanks mate.



Do you want txt, html or you can copy from the post itself?



cheers,

w.

------

quiet thoughts

hidden watson
 


Re: The Amazing Kitten Race

Postby JustSkipIt » Mon Feb 21, 2005 12:17 pm

Hi HW,



Yes, I've presumptively decided to shorten your name based solely on longitude and percieved familiarity.



:rofl I mean seriously. If that's possible--serious funniness I mean. I was laughing so lound that Rachel decided she wanted to hear it and I read it to her. My favorites: April and Andrew - dated same guy. Willow & Tara - More than Friends, and Flutie raising pigs! Hysterical and I can't wait to see where this goes (literally I guess).



Are you sure about the sequester? It's always been my assumption that on Survivor, only the Jury is sequestered (see Jenna M returning to be with her mother during All-Stars). Well done and good start!

"Most editors are failed writers--but so are most writers." - Thomas Stearns Eliot

"Censorship, like charity, should begin at home; but unlike charity, it should end there." - Chare Booth Luce

My latest story: Survivor - Ash Island

JustSkipIt
 


Re: The Amazing Kitten Race

Postby pookie ray » Mon Feb 21, 2005 1:47 pm

Yes!!!!! I love TAR, I've been a fan for a few years now and it's the most addicting show ever. It's the only tv show I know of that gets me to yell, curse and sob at the screen. Your choice of teams are hysterical and I can't wait to read the next update.

I won't always love what I'll never have - Jimmy Eat World

pookie ray
 


Re: The Amazing Kitten Race

Postby MissKittys Ball O Yarn » Tue Feb 22, 2005 10:51 am

Oh Watson! You've done it again. Stellar Idea. I love this! Too freakin' funny girl. The descriptions of each team was hilarious! My favorite had to be.....



Rupert and randy as estranged father and son.





:lol :lol :lol :cry :lol :lol :lol :cry :lol :cry :lol





keep the updates coming... But please don't forget about Common Areas....



edited to add... The part about Flutie running a Montessori school is right on the money. He has the perfect personality for it.



Oh and it's nice to see Portland's representing. I'd like to give a shout out to all my peeps in the Portland area! :p (sorry...I live a couple hours from portland and I guess I got a little carried away :p ) GO SNYDER and FLUTIE!!







xoxo

Emms

I can wax philisophically on a variety of different subjects...that doesn't,however, mean that I have anything constructive to add to the conversation.

--- Me

Edited by: MissKittys Ball O Yarn at: 3/8/05 2:14 pm
MissKittys Ball O Yarn
 


Re: The Amazing Kitten Race

Postby cygnet 6 » Tue Feb 22, 2005 12:47 pm

I love this! I’ve watched TAR since the beginning, and it is far and away my favorite reality TV show. Of course, I only watch TAR, Survivor, and occasionally The Apprentice, which are, not coincidentally, the shows that Miss Alli recaps on TWoP. In fact, the only reason I (sometimes) watch the Apprentice is so that I can fully appreciate Miss Alli’s recaps—especially the mocking of Donald Trump. So, great idea about writing this in the Miss Alli recap style.



Your descriptions of the teams are priceless. It looks like Willow and Tara are going to be the Kris-and-Jon-type long distance daters. I hope so. Kris and Jon were probably the nicest team ever on the show. I think that’s how Willow and Tara would be. At least, I don’t expect any bickering or blocking of doors or ranting about third world countries. Not from them anyway—I’m not so sure about Snyder.



I’m thinking either Joyce and Sheila or April and Andrew will be the first to be philiminated. Probably because I expect general ineptitude from Andrew/April and because “Mom” teams (and really girl-girl teams in general) usually don’t fare very well in TAR (Bowling Moms excepted, of course). But, who knows, it could be anyone. Except Willow and Tara, of course.





cygnet 6
 


Re: The Amazing Kitten Race

Postby Tempest Duer » Wed Feb 23, 2005 11:23 pm

I've never seen TAR, but this seems really, really cool. I can't wait for more.

I got bitten by a drunk lesbian! Does that mean I'll turn into one?



~my friend Mary

Tempest Duer
 


Re: The Amazing Kitten Race

Postby Lt Sticks » Thu Feb 24, 2005 7:08 am

*crying with laughter* never watched TAR but im sooo gonna keep myself posted on this, its hilarious!

I will Love You, Forever and a Day
If its only tears and pain, isnt it still worth the cost - Alison Krauss, That Kind of Love

JediBites.Com Forums

Lt Sticks
 


Replies and notes

Postby hidden watson » Thu Feb 24, 2005 8:38 am

Allow me to waffle on a little please, then Replies and Update.



Notes



I'm glad y'all liked the teams. When I was at the planning stage, I had in mind certain pairings. In fact, apart from W/T (which is a given), the first pairing that came to mind was Rupert & Randy. The canon couples were easy -- B/R, X/A, even Faith/Robin. The others came along after some playing around with small bits of paper. I know I want Angel, Cordelia and some characters that were a little bit older, and not always the main characters on the show.



Pairings that didn't make the final cut include:

  • Larry & Harmony - Never Dated


  • Gunn & Forrest - a co-worker team, but I think Adam & Oz have more potential


  • Maggie & Riley - Mother & Son (but I'd already used Riley with Buffy, so that's a no go)


  • Dawn & Hallie - Mentor & Mentee


  • Ethan, but I can't place him naturally with anyone other than Giles


The character bios in Introduction are in line with CBS, the bios of the racers are placed on the website a few weeks before the start of the season. The recapper will also offer opinions on the teams, which are based on the bios as well as impression from the episode.



I already have the sequence of which teams are eliminated, I decided by a process of picking out which teams I wanted in the top 6 and which in the bottom 6, then doing a random draw. I have to plan this in advance so I can concentrate on developing the teams that will stay in the race longer.



Like the beginning of each season of TAR, the first few episodes tend to be confusing, concentrating more on the actual race, ie going from one place to the next. Only after a few more episodes do the characters flesh out a little more. So, the first few episodes will be more narrative, focusing on what happened on the race. Hopefully it isn't too boring.



As far as the recap goes, there is a level of assumption that the reader is familiar with earlier seasons but it's not necessary, I definitely don't want to put anyone off. The style may not be to your liking either -- it may be too long-winded, too factual, too snarky, not funny enough, has too many in-jokes, even downright unreadable. If it isn't working for you please let me know.








Replies



the hero factor - thanks! See my earlier rambling about character choice. I must admit I had to be creative because it's 12 characters and I didn't want them all to be dating couples, it was fun coming up with a mix that isn't too repetitive. So, you're a twopper too , I'm always amazed at the quality of writing there, I'll try to emulate them, hope that I can be even 1% as funny as the recappers.



xonethousandtears08x - thanks, I will be continuing.



Cam! - see above re: casting the characters. Some of the sillines came naturally, like Flutie being a pig farmer , Randy being a Billy Idol impersonator

, Sheila's book title almost wrote itself, I can just see her after Gingerbread, convincing herself that none of the attempted burning took place and if it did, she had nothing to do with it.
Quote:
you can't go wrong
Oh the pressure!



Disastered - I hope you enjoy the next season of TAR, both in real life (TAR7 starts next week) and over here where we're running The Amazing Kitten Race.



Artemis - Chris, thanks for adding the fic to looking glass, the logo you made is brilliant. A side question, is the font the same one used for headings on Restoration? Just looks a bit similar, that's all.



Anyway, your introduction to TAR, with Lena & Kristie going through that heartbreaking Roadblock with the hay bales, they were real troupers. Re: W/T at the beginning of their relationship, there are many other established couples already (B/R, X/A, Darla/Angel) I wanted to put them in a situation where they can get closer and end the race totally committed. Alternatively, the race is notorious for exposing people's bad sides, there might be

losing her cool, or freaking out. But at the end, if you're able to support your mate even in those situations, relationships tend to become stronger. I will be biased, and write a lot more about Willow and Tara's relationship, afterall, this is the kittenboard

!



The guy in the river? I'm not telling, mate . It'll be revealed in the ep.



Debra - shorten it, lenghten it, you've earned your right to do whatever you want to my pen name . Glad you liked the teams, I had fun putting them together.



About Sequesterville, I'm positive that racers are sequestered until the end of the race, cos they all have to be flown to the finish line to applaud the teams running in. Plus, it's been confirmed by the racers and on TARflies.com, which is one of the most comprehensive guides. It's in their faq:
Quote:
Most of the eliminated teams are brought to one centralized location (different for each season) for the remainder of the race. At this location, they are given a modest stipend and can relax until they are flown to the finish line at the end of the race.
Although they say "most" teams and not all teams. As to whether it happens on Survivor, I tried to look for something online, I'm not as successful though. The Jenna incident may have been a one-off? I can't say I'm entirely sure.



pookie ray -

Quote:
It's the only tv show I know of that gets me to yell, curse and sob at the screen.
Me too, me too. I know exactly what you mean.



Emms - thanks a million! Yeah, Rupert & Randy was the first team I came up with (after W/T of course), hope the rest of the race lives up to your high standards. I must confess, I randomly picked most of the home cities, I couldn't have everyone coming from Sunnydale, California. I tried to tie it as much to where the characters are known to come from -- eg Riley from Iowa; or the actor -- Faith from Boston stands out, and I was surprised to learn that David Boreanaz and Julie Benz are both from Pennsylvania, at least according to imdb . I've never been to Portland, but I'm glad there's local support. As for Common Areas, expect Part 16 next week.



cygnet 6 - oh! another TAR fan ! I've been a fan since TAR3, though I was lucky enough to watch a rerun of TAR1. Watched every single episode since then, yeah I'm sad. Kris & Jon are certainly one of my favorites, they are probably the team with the most positive attitudes. My other favorite teams are JVJ from TAR3, Kevin & Drew from TAR1 and [small voice]Colin & Christie from TAR5, because Colin was really a first rate racer.



Who wil be Philminated in the first leg? Wait and see. There are the obviously weaker teams, but then again luck has a bit part to play.



Tempest Duer - you're just in time. Update in a sec.



Lt Sticks - good crying, phew! And great timing, I thought I'd check one last time before posting, lo and behold! your feedback. Just in time.

------

quiet thoughts

hidden watson
 


The Amazing Kitten Race - Episode 1

Postby hidden watson » Thu Feb 24, 2005 8:46 am

Title: The Amazing Kitten Race

Author: watson (hiddenwatson@yahoo.com)

Distribution: this is for Pens, if you want to archive it elsewhere, please let me know me first

Rating: Episodes are PG-13, Recaps and Behind-the-scenes are R or more

Disclaimer: BtVS characters, concepts and dialog belong to Mutant Enemy, Fox, The WB, UPN and others. The Amazing Race belongs to CBS, Amazing Race Productions Inc, Touchstone Television Productions Inc, Jerry Bruckheimer Productions and others.

Summary: The Amazing Race Crossover. It's a race around the world. Who will be Eliminated? Who will win $1 million?





Episode 1 - People will start to think I have an unhealthy obsession with myself



Episode Recap



A long, swooping crane shot of ... a non-descript gray carpark building heralds the start of another exciting season of The Amazing Race. The camera beelines towards a non-non-descript Phil, who informs us that we're in the city of Stamford, Connecticut. Okay, if you say so, Phil, cos the gray and empty carpark is oh so obvious.



Phil tells us that Stamford is the safest city with population over 100,000, based on FBI figures. Well, my impression of Stamford so far has been an empty carpark and yummy Phil, so I'm all for the low crime figures. May be the citizens don't go out, hence no opportunity for crime. Not sure if the citizens (Stamfordites? Stamfordians?) will feel once we meet our teams. Heh.



This season there are 12 teams, made up of 2 people with an existing relationship (I can't help adding, for how long?) who will jostle, push and trip over each other around the world. The purpose? To look for clues that will being them to the next clue and eventually the prize of $1 million.



Aaaaand here they are, standing in a semi-circle around Phil in the aforementioned empty carpark.



Joyce & Sheila are a pair of perfectly coiffed Mom-like women, dressed it seems a little uncomfortably in sweats and sweatpants. I get the feeling they're more used to twin-sets and pearls, because the part of their attire that totally gave them away? Brand new New Balance sneakers that look like they came straight from the catalog. I was right, they are Moms, and their daughters all go to the same high school ($1 bet that it's a private school) and they are both active members of the PTA, and their dahling daughters encouraged them to go into the race. Yeah, so they can have some Mom-less time and invite all manner of friends for naked orgy parties, come on Moms, get smart. Joyce is the nicer spoken one, she owns an art gallery so is used to flowery language that don't say much. Sheila is a psychologist so she's even more well versed in words that don't say nothing. Check out their bio on the website, Sheila has a book entitled "My Daughter is Gay, Kinky and Has Run Off to Join a Witch Cult, But It's Not My Fault" that was on the NY Times best seller list for 37 weeks. With a title like that, I'd have thought it'll be on the list even longer. Snerk.



Lorne & Cordy are actors from Las Vegas. I have a confession to make, I thought this is an all female team until a little way into the episode when it hit me like a ton of rainbow bricks. Cos I thought Lorne is a sister, with his immaculate make-up (yes, makeup, really) and even more immaculate mannerisms. I should have remembered, he was on American Idol and did brilliantly until he tried to out-Barry Barry Manilow on a rendition of Mandy and got the boot from Simon and Paula. All in all they seem like a fun team that comes with sufficient self-deprecating humor to last through to the end.



Snyder & Flutie are school principals and their spin is how different they are. Snyder an army man and strict disciplinarian and Flutie the liberal. I think they're both kinda boring but Flutie redeems himself by doing a little jig during Phil's spiel. Plus the guy owns a pig farm! How pudgy. They say that dealing with the pressures of looking after hundreds of school children have prepared them for the race. Somebody puh-lease tell them that racing around the world and telling a bunch kids to shut up are different kettles of fish. Their age and general state of unfitness may prove to be their downfall.



Xander & Anya are pirates. Heh, sorry, can't help it. Xander has an eyepatch, due to an industrial accident from another eon. Now he and his wife own a franchise of photo development stores in California. Anya opines that she is the driving force of their relationship, and I believe her 200%. When she was waxing lyrical about how intense and competitive she is, Xander just grins and nods. I don't think it was an accident that he sat with his bad eye on her side either, sneaky sneaky Xander!



April & Andrew are a cute looking Young Dating Couple, she with shiny straight brown hair and he's got that blonde shaggy look going. They used to both date the same guy, though they didn't say whether it was at the same time. You never know, kids nowadays. Anyhow the shadow of that guy, who we learn is called Warren, obviously still looms high because he is all they talked about on their clip. I mean, I'm sad and all cos he died of an overdose, but this is a race with April & Andrew, not April, Andrew & Warren. I hope they get rid of the baggage, stat.



Darla & Angel are divorced parents. Haven't we had one of this already, in the form of Frank and Margarita? Darla and Angel combined don't have a fraction of Frank's snark factor, so I fear for their future straightaway. Angel is a lawyer and Darla bakes cakes. Yawn, I've run out of things to say about them already.



Buffy & Riley are billed as Olympians. Unless you've been hiding under a very large rock you will know that they are the biggest sports celebrity couple, like, ever. Bigger than Lleyton and Kim (who've broken up anyway, plus they're foreigners) or Anna and Enrique (he's not in sports so he doesn't qualify). Since the end of the Olympics, they've been a little low key, so they're probably missing the attention. That, or a combination of her endorsement deals and his new status as ESPN ambassador don't pay enough and they need the million bucks. Definitely the team most photogenic and knows exactly how to play the camera. I hate them already.



Ben & Glory are the first different gender twins we've had on TAR. They want to be different, in fact so desperate are they to forge their own identity that they ... appear on a TV program as a team of two, dressed in identical white outfits. Are their clothing interchangeable? Time will tell. Just so you viewers don't get confused, Ben is the one in white with shorter hair and Glory also in white but with longer hair. Oh, and they're different sex. Really? Really. Duh.



Rupert & Randy are father and son who haven't spoken to each other for ages. If I were Randy I wouldn't speak to Rupert either, unless to ask him what drugs he was hopped up on when he came up with 'Randy'. Rupes says that underneath the mild mannered history professor is an intense maniac waiting to come out. Okay, grand-dad, noted. Randy doesn't say much, he sucks his cheeks in a lot, may be he took the wrong turn from a Manhunt audition and wandered onto TAR instead.



Willow & Tara (not to be confused with Wil and Tara from TAR2) are the obligatory gay couple (Chip & Reichen or the Guidos anyone?) but the twist is that they're not Out and are trying to decide if they should date. A word of advice ladies, a nationally broadcast reality show may not be the best place to come out of the closet, especially if at the end you decide to go back inside. Willow's got this intense nerdy look commonly found in people with astronomically high IQs and Tara looks like she'd much rather stay home and cook for the kids. But I must say they are the Young Dating-ish Couple with the most chemistry in this race so I'll definitely keep a close eye on them.



Faith & Robin are another YDC, their story is that they're from opposite sides of the tracks. I don't get how opposite fitness instructor and fast food restaurant manager are, they're both extremely fit, as seen from their clip which showed them eating up some heavy looking gym equipment. He wants commitment, she doesn't. Uh-oh. Oh, and she's white, he's black, but nowadays how controversial is that? Nada, that's what.



Adam & Oz are roadies who list a slew of famous people they've worked with. Ignore who they've worked with, I simply can't get past how overwhelmingly Abbot & Costello this duo is. Adam is like, 9 feet tall and Oz is shorter than the shortest hobbit, I wonder how they work on stage. May be Adam lifts Oz up on his shoulders when the band needs to fix the lights, thereby making a huge saving on ladders, I dunno. Both seem to want to out-do the other in the stoic department and their interview was over very quickly. They have brawn to spare, the question is how much brain do they have?



~~~~~



Now we're back on Phil and he does the usual "Everybody ready? GO!!!" wave and lean and teams run across the carpark towards their backpacks. I'm bummed out cos he didn't do the eyebrow pop. Why are you torturing me, Phil? We're getting a lot of mileage out of the carpark, how much have they donated in sponsorship money again?



Riley and Robin are the first to reach their backpacks and clue. The sound of ripping envelopes echo around the carpark. Rip, rip, rip goes the paper. The clue tells them to find the restaurant that was converted from a bank, find their seat in the Board Room where their next clue will be. When I heard Board Room I had to pinch myself to remind me that I'm watching TAR, not The Apprentice and the Donald wasn't going to show up to fire anybody at the end. Stay out of our show, Donald!



The clue also comes with a small Stamford map, which the teams stare at with their best imitation of the evil eye in the hope it will tell them more. Doctor Ben notices that they're on Bell Street and behind them is Bank Street. May be the former bank is there? Everyone rushes off. Hmm, that's a good guess Ben, but it may still come back and bite you in the ass.



At the white bank-like building on Bank Street, we see that Doctor Ben's guess is indeed right. Sighs of relief all around, and the loudest? Ben's. I imagine those sighs could have been screams of pain as he's beaten to a pulp by the mob had his guess not have been right.



Everyone tries to trample over each other to reach the Board Room, which turns out to be a private dining room on an upper floor. Racers take a tiny placeholder with their names on it from around the table and run downstairs to get the clue from the bartender.



The clue tells them to head over to the world's largest trading floor, the size of 2 football fields, where millions of dollars are traded each day on stocks, bonds and foreign exchange. They have to find how the Dow Jones, Nikkei and FTSE opened and closed on the last trading day and write the correct numbers down on a settlement slip in exchange for the next clue. Again everyone does their impression of headless chickens, until the waitress tells them that they want the UBS building.



More running towards an impossibly large office building next to the I-95. That's interesting, usually at the beginning of the season the racers immediately head off for the airport and places afar. Nice to see them still on the ground, so to speak. Ben & Glory, Adam & Oz, Buffy & Riley and Faith & Robin arrive first and take the elevator to the aforementioned trading floor. It must be an off day for the million dollar deals cos the place is completely empty. Then again it's probably the weekend and the staff's been cleared out.



They head towards a section that's been cordoned off and start to work on the computers. If I were in charge of UBS I'd put a physical as well as technological firewall between those machines to make sure their trading systems don't get corrupted by clueless racers. I might even disinfect them and with more than just bleach.



The rest arrive soon after and we see them all huddled on their terminals like high school students trying to hack into their grades. April asks Andrew what's the Nikkei, only she pronounces it like 'Nikki' and he shrugs. Lorne & Cordy look completely baffled. Anya is waving her mouse round furiously. However it's Willow & Tara who finish first, and they bring their slip to a banker-looking person who hands them their next clue.



"Those computers have internet so it looks like most people looked there, but the terminals also have Reuters so I just looked it up there. Took less than 5 minutes," Willow interviews with a smug expression. Tara looks on in awe.



The clue tells them to pick up marked cars and drive themselves to JFK, where they are to fly to London Heathrow and then to drive to someplace called Norwich in East Anglia. Gotta love those cute English names. Again, a little map of England is provided, what's with the spoonfeeding? They have a choice of American, United and British Airways. The BA flight, with only 3 sets of seats, leaves first at 18.30, then the United flight, with another 3 sets of seats, half an hour later. The AA flight, for the remaining 6 teams, leaves almost 1 hour after the United flight and arrives 1 hour 15 minutes behind the BA flight. Before you say anything, I've done my math, I know it catches up 15 minutes.



WillTara gets in the first car and gleefully drives off. Little do they know about the amazing bunching game. I rub my hands even more gleefully.



Next to finish are the TallShort team of Adam & Oz, the fitness fanatics, father & son and the twins. Then everyone else who isn't DarlingAngel or the actors, who are still baffled. They all rush to their cars and zoom off.



In their car, Buffy is busy giving directions to her hunk, she says that she's a native New Yorker so she has local knowledge no other teams has. She forgets that R.Randy also live in this neck of the woods and are driving intently towards the airport. You should know your competition a little better, Buffster.



R.Randy, TallShort and the twins arrive at the airport and hop onto the shuttle. That's 3 teams, and only 2 BA tickets are left. Yay, I gloat. R.Randy and TallShort reach the BA counter first and get their tickets, the twins are dejected, and have to run to the other side of the terminal to the United desk. They're lucky BA and United share a terminal, cos JFK connections? Suck. R.Randy and TallShort join WillTara, who watch in dismay as their lead is stripped away.



Other teams are still in their cars, various intonations of "let's go" are flung liberally about. The Pirates, having parked their car, are having an argument in the shuttle, and boy Anya is one loud b*tch. Xander suggests going to the first stop on the shuttle, which happens to be Terminal 8, but the map says the earlier flights are at Terminal 7. Anya points out that little snippet of information but Xander doesn't seem to grasp that terminals at JFK are not connected. Did I mention JFK sucks? This frustrates Anya and she shouts at him, "You have to decide which airline first, they're in different buildings!"



Evidently they decide wrong cos next thing we see are the Pirates at the American desk. We cut to the United boarding gate, where we see the twins, WorkoutDuo and America's Golden Couple.



The others board the American flight. But wait! Where's DarlingAngel? We cut back to the computer room and we see them still trying to figure out how to use Internet Explorer. Get Firefox, babes! We pan out and see the empty trading floor. Uh-oh, they're falling behind, and the flight is leaving any minute. Hurry, hurry, hurry!



Somehow they manage to get the information and they run like bunnies towards their car. Darla, in a rare moment of recklessness, tells Angel that he's gotta step on it, break any rule, cos it's now or never. Angel has this skeptical look, he's probably calculating the odds of being caught, and how they might take away his license and he can't practice the law and the income that he stands to lose. He drives on grimly.



All's well, they get on the American flight. Those flights leave early evening, and the race started in the morning, I figure the teams started the computer challenge early afternoon. Even if DarlingAngel are incompetent, they would have had enough time to finish well in time to get to the airport. Gimme a break, Amazing Editors.



We follow the Amazing Yellow, Red and Blue Lines as they race each other from New York to London. I wish they'd put a little 'whoosh' sound effect, but all they have is canned hurry-up music. Bleh.



~~~~~



It's early in the morning in London, England as the BA flight arrives. TallShort emerge first, they get the first 'Currently in First Place' tag this season as they reach their marked car. Adam tries gallantly to squeeze his gigantic frame inside a tiny space between the steering wheel and the seat. I'm fearing a pattern here. Rupert drives this leg for his team, hey! it's not fair to have someone who lived in England for 10 years driving, um, in England, he isn't freaked out by traffic coming at him from the wrong side. He's understandably confident of where he's going, "We're driving from Heathrow to Norwich, let's hope we don't run into traffic on the M25, otherwise it's a nightmare. It'll take more than 3 hours," he lectures.



WillTara have decided to follow him. "Rupert lived in England, so we figured out he knows the way. We worked out the route on the map anyway, though it's a bit daunting, we've never driven outside the US," says Tara, blushing a little when she says 'we', ahhhh let's hear it for the lovebirds.



Back at the airport, the Moms have trouble figuring out how to work the clutch. "I haven't driven stick since I was 17," Sheila laughs. I reserve the right to interpret this an a double entendre. Others with auto trouble include the actors and, guess who, DarlingAngel. They're not having the best of luck this leg are they.



We see the frontrunners arriving at Norwich, presumably 3 hours have passed. Randy runs into the first pub they see and asks for the Mustard Shop, where their next clue is hidden. Turns out they can't drive through so they abandon their car at a pedestrian zone and run. They reach the clue first.



The Lovebirds have lost R.Randy on the way and are trying to negotiate a difficult looking one way system. Luck is with them when they stumble across a tourist information center and get instructions. They too get the clue.



In short succession, WorkoutDuo, TallShort and America's Golden Couple get the clue from the Mustard Shop. Then comes the twins, Pirates, AAbot and the Principals. They retrieve the clue and scupper off. What seems like a while later the Actors, DarlingAngel and the Moms show up in slow succession.



Now is time for the Detour. We break momentarily from craziness as Phil explains a Detour is a choice between 2 tasks, each with its pros and cons. In this Detour, teams have to choose between Crab Fest and Turkey Breast. In Crab Fest, teams drive 23 miles to Cromer, find a famous crab supplier and work together to remove the flesh from enough cooked crabs to fill 2 empty crab shells, in a process known as dressing a crab. In Turkey Breast, teams drive 11 miles to a famous local turkey factory and help the workers remove 30 turkey breasts from carcasses before turning them into funny-shaped children's food.



R.Randy and the Lovebirds go for the turkey, as do WorkoutDuo and TallShort. America's Golden Couple decide to go for the crab, as Buffy explains, "We didn't want to handle raw food, it's gross." The second group succumb to peer pressure and all go for the crab. DarlingAngel too. But the Actors and the Moms go for the turkey. I have these little slips of paper with the teams to help me remember where they are and it turns out to be a 50:50 split. Karma, I tell ya.



We cut between teams tearing out raw turkey meat and other teams tearing out crab meat. This is a crap challenge, if you ask me (*groan*). There's no skill involved, and the teams get the stuff all over the floor, the table and themselves. To paraphrase Buffy, it's gross.



Turkey seems to be quicker and most teams make short work of their task, even though I can't say that for the state of the room they're in. Ever tried ripping the breast meat that's still attached to the breast bone? It's not that hard, but there's a lot of slimy entrails and skin parts and bone, yeah it's pretty disgusting, now I understand why butcher's have sawdust on their floors.



Getting the crabmeat out appears to be much harder, cos the teams have to use delicate looking metal implements. Most of them keep losing the meat and the shells fill up very slowly. Anya whines about how fruitless the task is, "My fingers stink of fish, people will start to think I have an unhealthy obsession with myself, no amount of soap is gonna get the smell out now." I'm surprised CBS let that comment through, may be they're too dumb to get the hidden meaning, I dunno.



Despite the whining, Team Pirates are doing well, as are AAbot and America's Golden Couple. The principals, on the other hand, can't seem to get to grips with the task, they can't figure out how to use the pick and the nutcracker properly. I guess dressing crabs isn't on the school curriculum, huh. Snyder is getting impatient, as they watch other teams fill up their first crab. "Come on, come on, you're not doing this right," he kept muttering to Flutie. Flutie tries to bite his tongue but he really is making a meal of this, he's not getting any meat out. When he tries breaking a claw with the nutcracker, it slips and he just can't get it working. He looks like he's on the verge of tears. Snyder isn't helping, all he's doing is impatiently pushing his team-mate with snide muttered remarks. Shut up Snyder. Finally he snaps and Flutie looks on in shock as Snyder grabs a claw and flings it against the wall, "This is stupid!" he yells.



Most of the turkey teams get their next clue, as well as the early crab crew. It tells them to get into their cars again, drive to the Norfolk Broads and look for a boatyard where they will get their next clue.



~~~~~



It's a Roadblock. This is unusual cos the first leg often doesn't have Roadblocks, they spend so much time introducing the teams they run out of airtime. But hey, I'm not complaining.



In this Roadblock racers have to choose a marked motorboat and navigate it through the Broads, which turn out to be the name for a series of rivers, all they have is a hand drawn map that looks suspiciously simple to me. When they reach the "X" as marked on the map, they will receive their next clue.



Randy, Willow, April and Ben take the Roadblock for their team, they're neck and neck. Meanwhile, some of the crew from the crab farm have arrived, Riley and Xander run and grab their respective boats. Xander, in particular, look every inch a pirate in his boat. He gloats. But not for long, it's not as easy to navigate cos the map isn't as clear, there's much scratching of heads.



Meanwhile Robin, Joyce and Oz hurry to their boats. They leave. It's a big mess, everyone's bunched up and the blurriness clouds my vision. No particular team has definite advantage, it's like recapping a race run by a flock of goats. They don't talk a lot either. Where's the bickering? The tantrums? The ridiculous hats?



I'm on the point of not caring, last to arrive are the actors, principals and DarlingAngel. Just get on with it.



Chug chug chug, down the rivers the merry boats go. I seriously think about washing my hair, emptying the litterbox, balancing my checkbook. Anything. Please.



Meanwhile on the river, aggressive Riley passes Willow, April and Ben. He has Randy in his sight as they approach the routemarker at the bank of the river. Its obviousness belied by the other team members standing around waiting and screaming and generally making a nuisance of themselves.



Randy docks his boat. Riley, attempting to bypass the quay altogether and to gain on Randy, steers his boat towards the riverbank. We cut to a shot of Buffy looking incredulous as she shouts, "Riley, be careful!" He ignores her and even before the boat stops, takes a big jump. May be he's used to launching himself from the starting block of the pool, but he badly misjudges the distance. He barely reaches solid ground and before our very eyes, does a credible impersonation of a belly flop and wild grab as he slips on the wet grass and ends up in the river.



Buffy looks on in shock and runs off to help him. Luckily he's water resistant and manages to scramble back onshore. That was a very smart move (not!), so worthy of a gold medal winner. Guess what? He loses even second place.



Randy is first to get the clue, which tells them to drive towards Sandringham Castle, find the Old Father Time Statue which is the Pitstop for the first leg. The last team to arrive will be eliminated. I wonder how the cars got from where they parked to get on the boat to here, someone on the forum suggests the other team member drove them there, which sounds sort of right.



R.Randy zooms off, hotly pursued by the twins, the pirates, a wet Riley & Buffy, the lovebirds and AAbot.



~~~~~



Phil strolls along neatly trimmed paths in the most magnificent park I've ever seen. He tells us we're in Sandringham, built in 1870 by the Prince and Princess of Wales, later to become King Edward VII and Queen Alexandra. The estate is now the country retreat of Her Majesty the Queen. Wow, if this is just the teeensy vacation home, imagine what their other homes are like.



Rupert and his son are sailing through this leg and they arrive first, take one look at the large map at the Visitor's Center and are off. Welcome to Sandringham, Rupert & Randy, you're the first team to arrive. They have the advantage of knowing the country, let's see how they do when the race leaves England.



The Pirate and his Wench arrive. You're team number two, Anya looks annoyed but Xander has a goofy grin that instantly endears him to my little heart.



Meanwhile the principals and the Moms dock their boats and head towards their cars.



The twins check-in as team number three, they hug and congratulate each other on a race well run. "We're going places!" enthuses Ben.



Faith, Robin, Willow, Tara, Buffy and Riley arrive together. High fives and group hugs all around. They interview that they are the young, strong teams and they're gonna try to pool resources and try to stick together. Let's hear it for the fledgling YDC alliance.



Adam & Oz and Lorne & Cordy are teams number seven and eight respectively.



Elsewhere, April & Andrew, who got off the boat in the first group, have taken a wrong turn and find themselves in the middle of nowhere. "Should we ask someone?" asks April. I don't think I'm being mean when I say Andrew's answer is so typical of a guy's. "It's okay, I'll find it." Why, why, why? What's so bad about asking someone, especially if that someone is a local and knows the area better than you?



DarlingAngel docks their boat. They're very behind, what happened on the river?



Snyder & Flutie are team number nine. They collapse on the beautiful manicured grass belonging to HM the Queen, looking like they're going to die of exhaustion. Come on principals, you can't have your kids seeing you like this.



Joyce & Sheila are team number ten. "We have to do better, the other teams are young, aggressive and strong. We have to find our inner Amazons, otherwise we'll get creamed," Joyce interviews, sounding more like encouragement for herself. Doesn't Sheila have a book for motivating yourself during a relentless race around the world?



AAbot are still driving around, finally April has her way and they stop at a gas station for directions. They have difficulty with the accents but get their information through the universal language of pointing and drawing on paper. "I couldn't understand them, were they speaking English? They sound foreign," she asks when they get back into the car. April, oh April, you're in England, I'd wager the locals were wondering if you are the foreigner, which you are.



We cut from AAbot to DarlingAngel, with Angel driving grimly. When does he not drive grimly? Who will get to Phil first? Who, who, who?



We get the tension inducing first person shot of someone running towards Phil. And it's April & Andrew, you're team number eleven. They share a pat and a little peck. I'm not getting any romantic vibes off these two, they seem more like siblings than dating, their body language around each other is just not as fluid as the other YDCs. A bit robotic, if you ask me.



Darla & Angel park their car and steps up to the mat. They're the last team to arrive and are Philminated.



"We got behind in the first challenges and couldn't seem to catch up. It's kind of frustrating because we know we could have gone much further if we were able to gain some ground. It's not to be," he says.



"We're still good friends. Our lives aren't completely together anymore, like it used to be when we were married, but I wouldn't have wanted to experience this with anyone else," she adds.



Oh how I miss you Darla, and you Angel. What's your name again?





*****





Teaser for Episode 2



The older folks enjoy an exhibit of pictures.



Shot of Adam picking fruit off a tree, Oz grinning in the background as he jumps and tries unsuccessfully to grab an overhanging branch.



Shot of Willow and Tara licking cherry juice off each other's fingers.



The principals have car trouble, steam can be seen from under the hood and behind Snyder's head. Uh-oh.



Meanwhile in the supermarket, it's trolley jam!





*****





Useful Links



Stamford:

Bank Street Brewing Company

UBS trading floor



Norwich:

how to dress a crab

Norfolk Broads

Sandringham



*****





Episode 1 Extra coming right up.





------

quiet thoughts

hidden watson
 


The Amazing Kitten Race - Episode 1 Extra

Postby hidden watson » Thu Feb 24, 2005 8:48 am

Willow's Journal



The only electronic equipment we're allowed are radios and digital watches, small stuff like that, which means I have to leave my Powerbook at home, in other circumstances this could have been a big reason for not taking part, but the first leg's been so hectic I haven't had time to miss it.



We are allowed to keep a journal, so I'm going to revert to 20th Century method of pen and notebook and type this up when I get home. I can't publish it in any shape or form until the series airs anyway, they made us sign all these legal papers which boils down to say nothing unless and until told by CBS, otherwise we get sued for $10 million.



Perhaps I should start at the beginning. I saw the casting call for the race and knew I wanted to enter. Not only that, I knew who I wanted to go with. It then took me every trick I had in my book to persuade Tara, I can't remember how much I spent on phone calls and flowers; I begged, I cajoled, I sulked. Finally it took a surprise appearance at her doorstep and some serious mooching. She probably said yes to placate me, though I think she's come round since then and is as excited as me.



I'll be honest, the prize money is secondary. My personal first prize is Tara. All I want is to spend time with her, to have her no more than a few feet away from me for a whole month. One whole month! I want to get to know her so bad, sometimes I wish we can move a little faster in our relationship. It's like relationship, what relationship? Even in the beginning when we were working together, deadlines were so tight and the producers pushed so hard we didn't get time to pee, let alone sneak kisses. Sure, that long weekend in LA after the wrap party was just heavenly, but all we did was talk the night away, held hands in the restaurant and snuggle up at night.



I want more, and I'm beginning to sense it in her, but we're too scared to talk about it. I don't know why. I guess it's difficult with us living in different cities, every visit we spend the first few hours catching up, the next day relaxing around each other and when we finally feel comfortable or things heat up it's time to say goodbye again. It's frustrating.



Hopefully the race is the catalyst that brings us closer. I really hope so.



They flew us to New York the day before the race, we had a long briefing session, met Phil and Mr Bruckheimer and the other producers. We were told that there'd be no communication with friends and family until the race finishes and they reminded us of our pledge of silence. We can't tell anyone who won and where we placed until that episode has aired.



The teams were introduced over a buffet dinner. It was kinda tense at first, everyone was trying to feel out the other teams, what makes them tick, what may be their weakness.



There are a few couples our age, an older couple who has a son, 2 Moms, a pair of twins and like 3 all-guy teams of differing ages. Oh, and probably the most famous couple in the US after J Lo & Marc or Jessica & Nick: Buffy and Riley. Seeing them in person is totally different from seeing them on TV. Buffy seems really nice and friendly, at least to me, we had a good chat, she seems to be someone I would have liked to be friends with if we met in high school. Except she's a famous athlete and from a different universe, so it's wishful thinking on my part.



Tara talked a lot with this girl Anya, who is married and is co-owner of 5 shops. She seems tough, I didn't feel comfortable with her, but Tara did. She told me later that she was too shy to speak to some of the other contestants, cos it was tricky trying to tell friend from foe, but Anya was really direct and she had no trouble reading her.



They put us up in a very nice hotel overnight. It was the first night Tara and I spent together since she said yes to the race. I briefly thought of jumping her but the night before the start of the race wasn't very appropriate, in any case she held me all night and it was the best feeling on earth.



The next morning we boarded limos that brought us to Connecticut and the race started at Stamford. We aced the first task, it was computer related, I was really pumped up. The next stop was England, it was when we got on the flight that it finally hit us, that we were on a race around the world.



I slept very little on the plane, we tried strategizing a little but mostly we basked in being together. I held her hand almost all the way through and she leaned on my shoulders as she tried to sleep. I spent a lot of time fantasizing about how it could feel, being together all the time. I should focus on the race, but I can't help thinking about her all the time.



We were on the same flight as Rupert, his son Randy, Adam who is this very tall guy and his team-mate Oz, who is one of the shortest guy I've met. Rupert is the oldest and he cpmes across as competitive yet gentlemanly, though I think he doesn't know what to make of Tara and me. Adam and Oz together mustered about 20 words, they're a physically strong team and we'll have to watch them.



We did okay on the Detour, Roadblock and other tasks. I took the Roadblock and lost some time, eventually we finished as team number five. I was kinda beating myself up on the boat challenge, but she was so incredibly supportive.



The Pitstop is Sandringham Castle, where the Queen of England stays on her vacation. Tara and I walked around the grounds and a part of the house and it was simply breathtaking, the wealth, the antiquity, the culture. I'm going to add England to the places we have to come back to visit.



In this Pitstop we get to stay at a cute B&B, they tell us the building is 300 years old, that's so awesome. The rooms are tiny but at least we have an ensuite shower. Initially the hotel gave us a twin room, and I was this close to losing my temper. Tara went to the crew and got us a double, I hope this isn't going to be a pattern, we have enough on our plates for the race to have the additional stress.



I feel drained, running the race is physically demanding and this is only the first leg. I just had my shower and I needed that hot water to take away the stiffness in my shoulders. It's her turn now and I can't wait for her to come to bed with me, if I count the overnight flight to London, this makes 3 nights together and it's a new milestone for us.



We have a very early start tomorrow, we need as much rest as we can get. So it's Willow the Racer signing off on Leg #1.



*****



------

quiet thoughts

hidden watson
 


Teehee

Postby Missocki » Thu Feb 24, 2005 10:23 am

Wow! This story is great. :clap I've never watched TAR and now you make me want to!

Quote:Anya whines about how fruitless the task is, "My fingers stink of fish, people will start to think I have an unhealthy obsession with myself, no amount of soap is gonna get the smell out now."

:lmao I laughed so hard I snorted :whistle I can't wait for the second ep!





"I think when I cease to go to the bathroom, then I can call myself famous." -Amber Benson

"Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly." -Rose Franken

Missocki
 


Re: The Amazing Kitten Race - Episode 1 Extra

Postby Artemis » Thu Feb 24, 2005 10:26 am

Yup, got my first lesson in the Race bringing out the worst tonight, with the very not-amazing Jonathan making his partner carry both backpacks and then shouting at her for it. Grrr... :fit2 Well, at least we can be reasonably certain that neither Willow nor Tara will plumb those depths of assholishness. It will be interesting to see how they cope, or not, when the pressure is really on - Willow does have a tendency to stress out, and Tara's not exactly the kind of person who'd shrug off the fish-out-of-waterness of gallivanting around the world at high speed. Still, nothing strengthens a relationship like seeing each other, metaphorical warts and all, and still loving each other :heart



Willow's journal was really sweet, being cuddled by Tara being the 'best feeling on earth', awwww :luv2 After a brief moment of disorientation when the main race wasn't 98% about Willow and Tara :D , I realised that made it seem a lot more real, as that's how a real episode is. And having the 'extra' gives us the lovely W/T sweetness anyway, so best of both worlds.



Bye bye Angel and Darla. Stymied by the river - well, vampires and running water, there you go :wink Naturally Willow and Tara went for the turkey task, rather than the crab one, Willow's a breast gal after all... I got a giggle out of the pair of them on their flight to England, as right before reading I'd been finishing up next Monday's chapter of Smut Bunnies, with Agents Shy Bunny and Adorabunny making the same trip only in the other direction, Heathrow to JFK. With all these Willows and Taras around, it's a wonder they're not continually bumping into their duplicates :D



Yes, the font is Dodger, which was/is used on Restoration. I'm still playing with that title though, having now seen the real TAR title on the episode I watched tonight I'm going to try to get a closer match.

Chris Cook

Through the Looking-glass

A Willow and Tara for every world.

Smut Bunnies!: Saving the world, sexily!

Artemis
 


Re: The Amazing Kitten Race - Episode 1 Extra

Postby Irene73 » Thu Feb 24, 2005 12:56 pm

BRAVO Sir or madame Watson:laugh



I am a huuuuuuuuuuuuuge fan of TAR and may I say you have done an amazing job!!!!!!!:bow



When describing Randy...and I Quote:

"He sucks his cheeks in" OMG I could not stop laughing...I always thought that whenever I would watch an episode. I mean it wasn't as if he was come supermodel...he was supposed to be the "big bad":rofl



Then there was this quote:

"My finger stinks like fish, people will start to think I have an unhealthly obsession with myself" OMG, OMG, that was hilarious, kudos.:lol :rofl :lmao



AND YES LET'S HEAR IT FOR THE LOVE BIRDS :laugh :applause :luv :bigkiss :pride :clap :wtkiss



Will Tara also have journel entries? Or is that exclusively for Willow...and are all updates of the race be recapped versions or will there be dialouge between team members, and the cast?



Again...great job...loving the fic!

UPDATEY GOODNESS SOON?



Saluting you while holding up a can of A&W rootbear,

Irene:pride

Edited by: Irene73 at: 2/24/05 12:10 pm
Irene73
 


Re: The Amazing Kitten Race - Episode 1 Extra

Postby Disastered » Thu Feb 24, 2005 5:14 pm

I like how you're doing it a la Television Without Pity(at least it seems like that). We get a more interesting view of the show that way. Plus I adore Twop. I was really getting into it. I picked second favorite teams (cause Willow and Tara are first of course) and everything. I don't mind at all that "DarlingAngel" were last. I never liked Darla or Angel much.



I'm also really glad you did Willow's journal so we get a look at how they are doing with the race. Are you going to do Tara journal entries too?



Can't wait to see some er finger licking, and Snyder blowing a gasket.

Disastered
 


Re: The Amazing Kitten Race - Episode 1 Extra

Postby the hero factor » Thu Feb 24, 2005 6:33 pm

Okay watson, seriously, that? Was AWESOME! I loved it! You don't have to worry about being funny or not. It was hilarious. Very much like an actual TWoP recap. Complete with snarkiness and cute little nicknames for the racers.



April and Andrew being called AAbot, and "a bit robotic." That was great.



Xander and Anya. "The Pirate and his Wench." Ha!



Quote:
"I haven't driven stick since I was 17," Sheila laughs. I reserve the right to interpret this an a double entendre.




Hee!



And I love that we'll be getting extras and stuff. Willow's journal entry was great. I liked all the stuff about her and Tara and where they are in their relationship. Filling in some blanks and whatnot.



In case it's not clear, I'm really excited about this fic.













the hero factor
 


Re: The Amazing Kitten Race - Episode 1

Postby JustSkipIt » Fri Feb 25, 2005 6:34 am

Wow and wow. Well, I can honestly say that your post is so amazingly funny that: #1 I was laughing out loud while at my volunteering gig and ended up explaining the whole concept to the site administrator who will probably be reading the story now #2 think I convinced my partner to read this and #3 went over to TWOP to read the writeup for Survivor! How completely hysterical. Anyway, I love the little in-jokes and the little lines: "unhealthy obsession with myself" indeed! Willow's journal is even more riotous with her lovestruck - just wants to snuggle self. LOL!



I must say that a little part of me is so jealous because I insipired you but think you are doing such a much better job. I have to attempt to console myself that it's not about a competition. Wait a minute: I'm writing a Survivor fic and it's not about competition??? What was I saying? Oh, jealous... great job... well done... very very funny.

"Most editors are failed writers--but so are most writers." - Thomas Stearns Eliot

"Censorship, like charity, should begin at home; but unlike charity, it should end there." - Chare Booth Luce

My latest story: Survivor - Ash Island

JustSkipIt
 


Re: The Amazing Kitten Race - Episode 1

Postby justin » Sat Feb 26, 2005 7:07 am

That was too funny :rofl



seriously, I think I ruptured something.



I've never seen TAR but it's easy enough to follow what's going on. I love the nicknames you've given the various teams. The lovebirds definitely sums up :wtkiss



looking forward to :read more

--

Homer Simpson: When will people learn, democracy just doesn't work.

justin
 


Re: The Amazing Kitten Race - Episode 1

Postby Tempest Duer » Sun Feb 27, 2005 12:32 am

This is so cool! I love Willow's journal.

I got bitten by a drunk lesbian! Does that mean I'll turn into one?



~my friend Mary

Tempest Duer
 


Re: The Amazing Kitten Race - Episode 1 Extra

Postby tarawhipped » Sun Feb 27, 2005 5:06 pm

Watson, I just love the humor and bitchiness of the commentary, and you write the action so well I felt like I was really WATCHING it all. If some of the teams are already starting to bicker, I can't wait to see them at each others' throats over the course of the race.



The addition of Willow's journal is a nice touch, not only to keep the focus on the girls, but also to flesh out the characters more than is possible when you're juggling so many of them (and I'm very impressed with how well you're handling such a large cast). I also loved this little insight into Willow's motive:
Quote:
I'll be honest, the prize money is secondary. My personal first prize is Tara.
And THAT is why they should win! :luv2



:peace -Cam



What should I be but just what I am? - Edna St.Vincent Millay

tarawhipped
 


Re: The Amazing Kitten Race - Episode 1 Extra

Postby WillowRTaraM1 » Mon Feb 28, 2005 12:35 pm

When I saw your name on the update thread I was like :sheep and I rushed to the Common Areas thread!! I was slightly dissapointed and a little confused but once I actually read this new fic I must say I was not so dissapointed. This is very amusing and very well done and I love the concept since I am a huge fan of TAR! Keep it up, Jackie





P.S- :pray :pray some begging added for Common Areas update :pray :pray

---

It's astonishing how much energy some people waste worrying that someone else might be enjoying life in ways that they dont approve of- Kevin Michael Vail

WillowRTaraM1
 


Re: The Amazing Kitten Race - Episode 1 Extra

Postby cygnet 6 » Fri Mar 04, 2005 3:41 pm

You’ve done an excellent job of recapping the race in the Miss Alli style. The only thing that might possibly have been missing was a reference to some appalling piece of clothing worn by Phil. (The wardrobe folks at TAR have put him in some seriously ugly sweaters, although I think they usually wait a few episodes before putting him in something truly hideous.)



I liked the links to the places described in the recap. I think I remember you saying that you were including places you have been. Did all the places the racers visit really exist? Even the turkey factory? (I’m guessing “no” on that one.) By the way, “crab fest or turkey breast” sounded an awful lot like a clue they might have used on the race—very realistic touch.



I also liked Willow’s journal—it complemented the recap nicely and allowed us to see inside Willow and Tara’s relationship. Is Tara also keeping a journal?



And, by the way, Colin and Christie? Yikes, I can’t say that I liked them, but they did produce some seriously good t.v. moments (Colin nearly getting thrown in jail, Christie telling the cabdriver to run over pedestrians, Colin (intensely) trying to gag down the ostrich omelet, and, of course, Colin vs. the Ox).

cygnet 6
 


Replies

Postby hidden watson » Tue Mar 08, 2005 7:14 am

I'm relieved Episode 1 was received well, I was afraid it was too long and too laborious to read. Thank you to each and every one of you who stopped by, hope you enjoyed the romp. Additional thanks to those who left feedback, it sure is appreciated.



We're around 12 hours away from Episode 2 of RL TAR (assuming it starts at the normal time of 9pm EST, for those of us outside the US, it's a longer wait, sigh, for those who don't get TAR, oh no! you have my sympathies), so I thought I'd get our race in first :) .



Replies first. And an aside, let me know which are your fancied team(s), apart from W/T of course. Who do you think will win? Who do you think will suffer an early elimination? It'll be fun to read your speculation.



~~~~~



Missocki - oooh, with the snorting :lmao . Anya's line just came to me, I didn't plan it, like most notable things in life. As soon as I had it written I just knew I had the episode title.



Chris - oh, you just got the Jonathan asshat episode. That guy's positively nasty, he really needs a :punish from someone, though from a strict casting point of view, he and his wife made fantastic TV. Even after the show he kept trying to convince anyone willing to listen that he's not an asshole. Yeah right, dude.



Hope the rest of our race (the non W/T) parts are not as hard to trawl through, I do realize there's a hell of a lot of "and they went from place A to place B, then they got on a train/bus/car and went to place C". At the beginning of the race, trying to juggle 24 people, it can get a bit tedious. Hope it gets more interesting for you, the Episode Extras will focus almost exclusively on W/T, be it journal entries, thoughts, conversations, etc, so perhaps I tempt you back with those?



Irene - *looks down* hmmm, female parts, I think, but usually well hidden :D . Randy sucking his cheeks in, well that's a common complaint on TWoP about JM, back in BtVS days, I merely transplanted the comments. As for Anya's line, I'm glad it's well received, I actually quite proud of myself for coming up with it, if I may be so bold. :glasses Will Tara also have a journal? Hmmmm, not telling yet. But like I said to Chris, the Episode Extras will be where we get our W/T :wtkiss fixes in this fic, so we may yet get a chance to delve into Tara's mind.



Disastered - doing it TWoP style was harder than I thought, I'm simply not snarky enough, but I'm trying! :P But if I did it straight narrative style, it'll be even more boring than War and Peace. Btw, what's your fancied team?



the hero factor - why thank you! The nicknames kinda came naturally, in any case I'm very big on giving people nicknames so it's been fun. Glad you picked up on Sheila's quote, can you imagine if she and Ira, well, you know, don't "see" each other much and Sheila's a closet :pride ?



Debra - :bigwave no, we're not competing. I can't get your Survivor 3rd date kiss in the car out of my mind though, seriously, all I can think is, sensuous. Did you really get your site admin and partner to read? What do they think of it? Like the British would say, I'm chuffed.



justin - *watson rushes to justin's side with a band-aid* to administer first aid to the ruptured ... rupture. Thank you! Yeah, nicknames were easy to come up with, we're so familiar with the characters and their personality/backstory it becomes very easy.



Tempest Duer - thank you! Happy that Willow's journal went down well.



Cam - phew! It's difficult to write how 24 people basically move from one place to the next without a) losing someone, b) getting confused at where they are relative to another team and c) the reader getting confused. I have small bits of paper with team names and I literally move them across my desk to keep track of where they are. Plus lots of charts and tables for planning, it's a big exercise, writing this fic :) . Willow's first prize is always, always, always Tara :wtkiss , the money is a good bonus, so they have a good start in life together, but I honestly think it doesn't matter 100% to them whether they win. There's also rumors that the second and third placed teams also get a cash prize, though CBS never confirmed that.



WillowRTaraM1 - hi Jackie :bigwave , I think the kittens are split, some have watched TAR and some haven't. I'm enjoying working on this, so thanks for dropping by, even if it was by accident :P .



cygnet 6 - Phil's appaling attire :lmao ? Yep, there'll be some description of that at some point, I must say I share Miss Alli's crush on Phil, even though he's like, the wrong 50% of the population. As for the places, up to this point, all the places they have visited do exist. I used to work in Stamford, the Bank Bar was there, though I understand it's now being converted to a tapas bar. UBS trading floor, yep, been there, seen how big it is. Cromer crabs, Norfolk Broads, Sandringham House are all tourist attractions in that part of England, not sure if we have any East Anglian Kittens here. As for the turkey factory, a famous turkey producing company called Bernard Matthews have its headquarters near Norwich, they package turkeys and make processed turkey foods, so though I don't know for sure, it's pretty conceivable that they'd have a factory in that area.

------

quiet thoughts

hidden watson
 


Re: The Amazing Kitten Race - Episode 2 Extra

Postby Artemis » Tue Mar 08, 2005 7:17 am

First things first, in regards to your reply to my feedback earlier, I in no way meant to imply, infer on indicate (that would've sounded better if the word was 'inply') that the main race parts weren't interesting. It's just a little unusual for Willow and Tara to be 'just another couple' from the point of view of the narrating voice, at least initially when they and everyone else had only just been introduced (I notice watson-the-recapper is taking something of a liking to the Lovebirds and their lovebirdy activities this episode :wink ). But I loved reading the first episode's recap, and this one too. I'm a big TWoP fan - in fact, lately I've been reading the Enterprise recaps instead of watching the show itself - and you've got the snide-but-funny recapper style down perfectly.



Those recaps are deceptively simple-looking, but the more I read from all the TWoP recappers the more I realise how much comedic talent is involved in turning one of them out. This episode had exactly that, lines everywhere that were laugh-out-loud funny, in addition to the funny stuff that was going on in the actual episode. (On first reading, when it said Tara had 'that sensible vibe', I did accidentally read it as 'that sensual vibe', appropriate as it turns out :blush )



And then the extra, oh that was so gorgeous. Poor girls though, each nervous for their own reasons, Willow going into mild panic-mode about being inconsiderate - which in itself is kind of sweet, the way she's so resolved to do everything right with Tara. And Tara evaluating how she reacted, thinking about the reason she's in the Race to begin with - interesting that she does have a strong motive for doing the Race, even though it took so much coaxing from Willow to get her to agree - I wonder how much Willow realises about what Tara's hoping to achieve? I guess they'll learn more about each other as the Race goes on.



And if they're happy for the world to see, I'm overjoyed to be watching :D So, are we to understand that the camera did catch that lovely moment? I wonder if they'll gather enough footage for a special 'Lovebirds' half-hour feature or something :)



Thanks for the updates, they were wonderful :bow



(And you're using the avatar, I'm flattered like crazy! :blush )



Edited to add: yes, Jonathan is The Amazing Jerk. In last week's episode, I was kind of hoping some sort of bizarre accident would happen with the trebuchet ('catapult', *snort*), and he'd be launched into the next village.



And also, thanks for the 'extra info' links, they're great - yet more 'this-is-real' feelings, yay! :)

Chris Cook

Through the Looking-glass

A Willow and Tara for every world.

Smut Bunnies!: Saving the world, sexily!

Edited by: Artemis at: 3/8/05 6:22 am
Artemis
 


The Amazing Kitten Race - Episode 2

Postby hidden watson » Tue Mar 08, 2005 7:18 am

Title: The Amazing Kitten Race

Author: watson (hiddenwatson@yahoo.com)

Distribution: this is for Pens, if you want to archive it elsewhere, please let me know me first

Rating: Episodes are PG-13, Recaps and Extras are R or more

Disclaimer: BtVS characters, concepts and dialog belong to Mutant Enemy, Fox, The WB, UPN and others. The Amazing Race belongs to CBS, Amazing Race Productions Inc, Touchstone Television Productions Inc, Jerry Bruckheimer Productions and others.

Summary: The Amazing Race Crossover. It's a race around the world. Who will be Eliminated? Who will win $1 million?





Episode 2 - How many hens did the cock have in his governance to give him pride and all pleasance?



Episode Recap



Before the start, they flash one of those public warnings that some or part of the program may be disturbing to some viewers and viewer discretion is advised. I wonder if we will see Xander's eyepatch fall out to reveal wires and electronic parts, or if Snyder is going to murder Flutie or vice versa. Hmmm.



Episode Two opens with Phil doing his walking, talking and looking yummy at the same time gig, surrounded by neatly trimmed trees, carefully co-ordinated flower beds and grass that's impossibly green. Phil is in a light blue flower-patterned cotton shirt and dark blue pants. Not many men can look this sharp in a shirt like this, but Phil's not 'many' men. I'm in a good mood already.



Phil tells us we are at Sandringham House, where the British Royal Family spend their Christmases every year. I wonder if they go boating on the Norfolk Broads like our racers last episode, or if they partake in the locally produced turkey or crab. This imposing house, which has been a royal residence since the 1860s, was the first Pitstop of our race around the world.



At this first Pitstop, Phil tells us, teams eat, sleep and mingle with the other racers. We see them at a long wooden table and bench, stuffing their faces with beef and Yorkshire pudding or shepherd's pie or bubble and squeak or any of the huge assortment of funny sounding English food available here. The younger couples seem to sit together, while the older racers have another huddle. All hail the dawning of alliances.



We see them in a little pub-like place and there's dancing, games and general socializing. Lorne is there without make-up, looking quite handsome and happily dancing with his team-mate. Randy and Robin are playing darts, Randy's platinum blonde hair and pale skin a sharp contrast with Robin's dark good looks. Phil wonders if Snyder's disciplinarian attitude will be a hindrance, and if April & Andrew can get themselves out of last place. Let's hope they navigate better this leg.



Which starts at 5.18am for Rupert & Randy. They rip the clue envelope and discover they are to drive 155 miles to Canterbury, Kent and find the Canterbury Tales Exhibition. Inside the exhibition they have to find answers to 5 questions they are given on a piece of card.



"We ran a good first leg, partly because my father knows his way around. I think we've put our differences behind us and are working well together," says Randy. His cheekbones almost puncturing a hole on my screen. I want to like this team, right now I can manage 50%, I like Rupert, I think he's shown his determination to not let his age hamper him. Randy is a bit of a poser, he hasn't proved himself to be of any use yet, apart from chewing up the scenery.



Next to leave are Xander & Anya. She looks pretty with her hair tied up, I almost forget her whining from the last leg. She reads out one of the pop quiz questions, "How many husbands did the Wife of Bath have?" Gosh, how many did she need?



The twins are dressed in different outfits today, phew, I thought I was gonna have another hard time telling them apart (not). "We have a good feeling about this leg, we're in third place and we can definitely move up, I can just feel it," Glory says. I feel a cold shiver crawl its way up my spine, sounds too much like famous last words to me.



The YDC alliance leave together. It's still dark but we could see Robin's toothy grin and Buffy's blonde highlights. Not to mention the Lovebird's matching psychedelic outfits. "Right now we've formed a sort of alliance with Buffy & Riley and Willow & Tara. The athletes are physically strong, probably on par with us. The girls are not so, but Willow's really smart and she's gonna be useful in solving puzzles," Faith explained.



Adam & Oz gets the clue and drive off, they say nothing. Lorne & Cordy, on the other hand, have a little group hug action before the start, Lorne has make-up on again and an extremely ridiculous floppy orange sunhat, even though the sun's still asleep. I can't decide if this team is over the top or just idiosyncratic. They've been clueless at the computer challenge, but have stayed out of trouble later on.



Snyder & Flutie's turn. They rip the clue envelope violently and we hear another pop quiz question, "How many hens did the cock have in his governance to give him pride and all pleasance?" Okay I have to laugh at this. All the teams presumably have to read the questions out loud, but the Amazing Editors choose to let us hear it from this pair. How hilarious to hear Snyder utter "cock" with a distasteful sneer. I have to rewind and listen again, I can't stop sniggering.



Joyce & Sheila, looking like thinner versions of the Bowling Moms, set off. April & Andrew last, she's wearing an impossibly small pink T-shirt, I can't get over how thin she is.



"If we don't get our acts together we're going to get totally whipped," he says. He has this whiny nasal voice that kinda grates after a while. Keep your mouth shut Andrew. Or I'll be the one to whip you and it will be in a kinky way.



Cars blipvert to teams arriving at Canterbury, Kent. Quaint little houses, a pedestrianized central zone, a big cathedral. Hmmm, if I don't know better I may think we're still in Norwich. Are all medium-sized English towns like this?



Turns out this Canterbury Tales Exhibition is in a converted church and tells Chaucer's Pilgrim Tales using animation, sounds and even smell. It's apparently very popular with schools, teachers take the kids who are studying the book. Wow, I read one of those Tales online, and it's a challenge to trawl through 600 lines of verse. I don't envy those students, no siree.



Oooops, it's a mini-bunching. Opening time is 10am. R.Randy is disappointed and Randy does a little dance of frustration. Come on guys, it's only a wait of an hour or so, we've had bunching way longer than this. Just you wait, I say in my best Eliza Doolittle voice.



All the teams except the Moms and AAbot arrive before opening time. Some of them may have driven a wee bit faster than the speed limit, but we don't see that. In fact, the Moms arrive just as the doors to the Exhibition open and they, too, jostle to buy the entrance tickets. Okay, now I'm fearing for AAbot again, have they been attacked by the GetLostinForeignParts monster again?



The sight of 10 teams trying to cram into the tiny space in front of the exhibits reminds me of horses jostling for position at the beginning of a race. There's pushing and more pushing. Not surprisingly it's Adam with the advantage cos he can see above the rest.



In order to answer the questions, the teams have to watch the animation, usually all the way through. Or look carefully at pictures. I think the questions are pretty amusing, makes me think the Amazing Producers have a warped sense of humor:

  1. Who were the 4 gods involved in the final battle between Arcite and Palamon?
  2. What natural disaster did the student tell the carpenter will befall them next Monday?
  3. How many husbands did the Wife of Bath have?
  4. How many hens did the cock have in his governance to give him pride and all pleasance?
  5. The 3 drunkards found 8 bushels of what?


Some teams seem to enjoy the exhibition more than the others, there's a shot of Rupert, Joyce, Sheila and Flutie around some pictures and they look like they're appraising some work of art, not in a race. Which should be their focus. Come on old folks, quit dawdling!



The younger teams think differently, and impatiently sit through the sequence. Did I mention the space available is small? It makes it even more difficult to hide the answers from other teams, so the YDC alliance don't even try and start checking with each other.



It works out for them, the YDC alliance give their answers to a guy in medieval costume, presumably one of the pilgrims, who checks their answers and give them their clue. TallShort, with their height advantage (both Adam looking over the heads of other people and Oz crawling underneath) finish next. The older teams — R.Randy, the Principals and the Moms have also latched onto the concept of working together and they get the clue. The rest finish as well, even AAbot who arrived late, it's only a matter of making the rounds on the exhibition and writing the answer, even a 10 year old can do it.



~~~~~



Next comes the Detour, Phil tells us the choice is between Fruit Farm and Fruit Machine. In Fruit Farm, teams go to a PYO farm and harvest either apples, cherries or gooseberries, the amount depends on the fruit they choose. In Fruit Machine, teams go to the seaside, play on specially designated slot machines, the task is complete when they strike 3 cherries.



Going to the farm is safe, but filling the containers may take a while. Playing the slot machines is potentially quick, but it depends on luck. Phil's wise words.



The YDC alliance splits, America's Golden Couple and Lovebirds go for the Farm, the Marathoners go for the gambling. I've decided to change Faith & Robin's nick, they run marathons, so they become the Marathoners, okay? Not too confusing? Anyway TallShort, the Principals and R.Randy go for the Farm.



The Moms waste time debating where to go, Sheila wants to go for the slot machines while Joyce wants to play safe and go for the Farm, they can't decide. "Most of the physical teams went for the fruit picking, I just don't think we can be that quick, why not take a chance?" Sheila voice-overs. She gets her way at the end, will the decision come back to bite them in the butt?



They are joined by the Pirates, AAbot, the Actors and the Twins. All figure that the uncertainty of the task is worth the risk if they want to jump ahead. "I'm good with buttons and joysticks," adds Andrew. Please tell me there's no sexual subtext in that statement.



Meanwhile at the Farm, teams take their pick of fruits. America's Golden Couple opt for apples and the Lovebirds for the cherries. Is there a hidden meaning there? For some reason imagining the Lovebirds in the middle of a cherry orchard is just too suggestive for me, I know, I know, it's my mind in the gutter. TallShort, not surprisingly, go for the apples to take advantage of Adam's height. R.Randy and the Principals head for the gooseberry bush.



As expected, Adam makes short work [*groan*] of shaking the apples from the trees, while Oz diligently pick them up from the ground. That is, when he's not in the background grinning like an idiot, jumping up and down trying to reach a branch. What are you doing Oz-man? If I get a dollar for every time that Oz tries to be funny, I'm afraid I'll have to declare bankruptcy.



America's Golden Couple tries the same trick (shake and gather, not do an impression of an Ewok on crack), but they're simply not as ruthlessly efficient. Or they haven't had their morning snort yet.



I see the Principals and R.Randy at the gooseberries and I start singing "here we go round the gooseberry bush." I am in a weird mood today. At least I'm not singing "I'm too sexy for my fruit." Snerk.



At the unknown seaside town, the gamblers get started. They get a bucket of tokens and set to work on some old looking machines. No fancy sound effects, no special blinking lights, I think these machines date back to when Elvis was in diapers. Vegas we are not in. There's no skill involved. Insert a token, press a button, get excited for a microsecond, then start again. Inserting tokens and pressing a button at a peep show gets a higher excitement quotient.



The only one who looks remotely into the task is Andrew. He explains that he's the world's biggest geek and lives, breaths and dreams electronic games. He's like a little kid, I just want to ruffle his hair, except I'm not sure if I'll get bitten by lice or whatnot.



We go back to the Farm, and what perfect timing (I know, it's editing, don't spoil my fun!), it's like we're sneaking up to a rare private moment not often afforded to the racers. The viewing of said private moment makes me feel like a voyeur yet I can't tear my eyes away and it makes me warm all over. Who would've thought a measly few minutes of airtime can have so much ahhhhh factor?



The camera sneaks up on Willow & Tara who, remember, are the only team picking cherries. Now I never realized cherry trees are this high, despite a childhood brainwashed by George Washington stories. Anyway the trees are tall enough to hide our Lovebirds from view, and presumably the Amazing Cameraman too. Looks like they're nearly finished with their task and they have purple juice all over them.



Willow asks Tara how long she thinks they've been doing this and Tara says may be 20 minutes, but they're nearly finished. They look at their booty and say at the same time, "Wonder how they taste?"



They break out into giggles, Willow suggests they try just one but Tara reminds her of the task and they shouldn't be wasting their efforts. That girl's been a little mousey so far, but she's got that sensible vibe about her. Willow does an amazingly cute impression of batting her eyelids and quicker than you can say "hot girl action" they're feeding each other and licking juice off each other's fingers. I hold my breath.



And we fade to commercials.



I've never been so mad at a commercial break before cos I'm willing to bet my usual $1 (plus every other dollar I have in my under-bed piggy bank) that they smooch. Guess it goes beyond PG-13, hee. Or CBS is waiting for an appropriate moment to air the Lovebirds' first kiss, after a copious amount of hype and advertising. If that's the case my hatred for CBS goes up another notch.



~~~~~



Reluctantly we go back to the seaside and the Marathoners do the impossible and get their 3 cherries. A gush of tokens spit out from the bowels of the ancient slot machine, they woo-hoo and bring their winnings to exchange for a clue.



They are now the 'Currently in First Place' team. The clue tells them to drive to Ashford and catch the Eurostar train to Calais, France. Once they reach Calais they are to find the Auchen hypermarket where they will find their next clue.



Adam & Oz haul their, um, haul of apples to be weighed and get their clue. R.Randy and America's Golden Couple too. I'm tired of typing 'America's Golden Couple', my fingers itch and it's not nanowrimo, so henceforth they're known as the Goldies, okay?



We cut to the Moms, who strike it rich. I'm just relieved for Sheila, for escaping the Wrath of Joyce. While they're collecting their tokens, April squeal a scream of victory as AAbot get their 3 cherries.



The Marathoners arrive at Ashford, and it's ridiculously easy to find the train station. Yay for clearly marked British road signs! They jump out of their car to get the tickets.



Elsewhere at the farm, the Lovebirds emerge from their cherry orchard. My mind is firmly stuck in the gutter (or clouds?), cos they seem to be a little behind. What happened after the mutual fingerlicking yummy goodness that we got so rudely cut off from? They must have lost a good, what 15 minutes? Enough for ... something.



Rapido editing between the Principals and the Pirates as they achieve the impossible, finish a task simultaneously while in different places. Yeah, I'm such a sad fuck, I make my own fun, shoot me.



I checked on mapquest, it's only a 14 mile drive from Canterbury to Ashford, there shouldn't be any problems, no? Ah. Famous last words. The Principals go the wrong way on a roundabout and get truly clobbered by other cars. There's a whole lot of beeping of car horns and cover-up for swearing, the Amazing Editors give up and put a musical segment in instead, but I can read the 'fucks' coming out of Snyder's lips as he tries to reverse the car a) without getting hit by other cars and b) before the police arrives. He revs the car so much I'm almost afraid he'll blow it up.



The Marathoners buy tickets. There's a train leaving for Calais at 12.59, they made it with minutes to spare. Now, will the other teams arrive in time? They grab their tickets and sprint to the train.



At the seaside, Lorne is beginning to lose his cool, droplets of make-up melt from his face, his sunhat having long disappeared. Ben kicks the slot machine in frustration. Tokens continue to be fed but results are not forthcoming. Things look grim.



TallShort get into the Ashford carpark and jog towards the ticket office. Are they in time? Are they too late? Will they show enough emotion to help me out in my recap? Turns out they make it, and the murderous look on the Marathoners as they board the train is worth its weight in gold.



R.Randy and the Goldies arrive, and find out they missed the train. The ticket clerk patiently explains the next train is at 17.59. My jaw drops to the floor and break into 18 different pieces when I realize that's the Marathoners and TallShort have a 5 hour headstart. That's a hell of a big lead.



Other teams trickle in to be told the news. At least they're all going to be bunched together, and unless something completely disastrous happens, one of the teams not currently on a train will face elimination.



Remember the Principals? And remember what I said about blowing up their car? Famous last words indeed. May be I should have chosen that as the episode title. The sorry hunk of metal is parked on the curb of the Roundabout of Doom, steam wafting out from the hood, at least they have enough sense to just open it a little to let the steam out. Flutie is trying to flag down passing motorist while Snyder is screaming, kicking the tires, in general acting the complete prat. I swear there's more steam coming out from his ears than the hood. A passing motorist stops and they get the engine cooled down and water added.



Lorne, Cordy, Ben and Glory, still back at the slot machines, don't realize they have a good few hours to complete their task. Their frustration levels are sky high. "It's a challenge that puts you completely in the hands of fate, I guess luck wasn't with us. I was this close to giving up," Cordy interviews.



Finally the gods of fruitless gambling take pity on the pairs and give them their 3 cherries. They scurry to their cars and head for Ashford. "We're dead," laments Ben.



At the Grand Central of Hopeless Despair they are ecstatic, to the point of euphoria, when they find 7 other teams camped out in the waiting room. Stupid bunching.



"Right now we're at Ashford station, waiting for a train to France. Faith, Robin, Adam and Oz took an earlier train and they're 5 hours ahead of everyone else, the mood here is killing me. I wish I were on that other train," Anya complains. Yeah, you and 17 other people, lady.



~~~~~



The two teams in front emerge from Calais station, have no trouble getting a taxi and arrive at the hypermarket. It's like Costco, only you don't need to buy in bulk. And, duh, signs are in French.



It's a Roadblock. This time Faith takes it and groans as she discovers the task is to run through the store to "buy" a list of common French grocery products. The twist is they are given 35 Euros and have to purchase all the items within budget.



Faith grabs one of those supersized carts and charges off, followed by Oz, who looks like he's about to be consumed by these giant carts. I think their choice of who takes the Roadblock is smart, they may need Robin or Adam later on for more strength or height related tasks.



Faith finishes first, pays the cashier and gets the next clue which instructs them to find Gilbert's Tomb within the Catacombs of Paris. She and Robin run to get a taxi, and express their excitement about going to Paris.



Oz is having trouble with his last items, he has to go almost all the way back to the entrance, which costs him precious minutes.



The Marathoners buy tickets for the 16.32 Paris train, they note that the trip is just over 2 hours. "I saw Oz running all the way back to the other side, I think he forgot something," Faith reported to her partner. He tries to hide a smirk, but doesn't do very well.



Oz completes the task and he and Adam throw themselves into a taxi. Was that emotion I see?



The first train for Paris leaves Calais with Faith & Robin onboard.



Oz and Adam reaches the station, they miss the train. The next one will be an hour later, but arrives only 19 minutes after the one the Marathoners are on. "We're still a long time ahead of the rest of the field, so we're confident," says Adam.



The second train for Paris leaves Calais, carrying Adam & Oz.



Back at the Grand Central of Hopeless Despair, aka Ashford, teams board the second train to Calais. Triple speed fast forwarding and next thing, teams emerge from Calais station and pile into taxis. The French taxi drivers look on in barely concealed amusement. I expected taxi trouble, but all the drivers seem to know where Auchan supermarket is, may be that's the only attraction in the whole of Calais?



Mad scramble to get the clue and then a cart. Even though the store is enormous, the sight of 9 carts hurtling down the aisles is one to see, especially when they weave around like they have no idea where they're heading. The only one hanging back is Willow, scribbling furiously on her list with a tiny pencil, seems like she's plotting something.



Elsewhere in BumperCartLand a fight has broken out over obstruction and right of way. Woo-hoo! Cart-rage, the newest form of road-rage to hit France! Don't miss the action, the screaming, the sheer idiocy. Glory is engaged in a bitch-slapping contest with April and Lorne, whom she claimed worked together to block her. She doesn't seem to grasp that all's fair in love, war and supermarket scavenger hunts. Shut up, Glory.



You can tell who's used to this mayhem, as Sheila and Anya zip through the task with the ruthless efficiency of someone who does this every Saturday morning. Willow, having obviously planned the route through the store, is also doing well, and able to stay away from the hordes.



Buffy and Rupert, on the other hand, have the demeanor of fish completely out of water, wandering back and forth between sections, wasting energy and time. Golden Girl obviously doesn't do the grocery shopping in Goldenville; and Grandpa Rupert probably lives off cup noodles he buys at 7-11.



In no time at all (actually a fraction of a second due to editing), we see Anya, Sheila and Willow having their wares rung up. They're off to get the Paris train. Lorne finishes for his team, as does April. Flutie finishes also.



Pirates, Moms and Lovebirds arrive at Calais to find ... the ticket office closed. We zoom in on a clock that says 21.04. They try to find an official, anyone, who will sell them tickets. Joyce and Tara look at the timetable.



"When we got to Calais station, the ticket office was closed. Anya and Xander started looking for officials to explain the situation, complain, I don't know what. It's obvious the place was empty. Tara and I located a timetable posted at the side and it turned out that there weren't any more trains to Paris tonight, the earliest was at 5 o'clock next morning," Joyce interviews.



"It was the second time that day we were stuck at a train station, it was very frustrating," Sheila adds.



After securing their bags, the Lovebirds decide to go for a walk and we see them walking into the night, arms linked. Part of my mind is imagining that they've gone off to continue what they were doing at the cherry orchard earlier on in the day. Ahhhhh.



We've almost forgotten about Faith, Robin, Adam and Oz. Bad us! Slap on the wrist! The Marathoners jump off their train at Gare du Nord and into a taxi, heading for the Catacombs. The taxi driver gives them a distasteful look and mutter something in French, I'm only able to catch one word, 'mort' which means death. Looks like the guy doesn't want to drive to a place where presumably there's lots of dead bodies. I don't blame him.



The entrance of the Catacombs turns out to be a non-descript black iron door almost hidden amongst some vines in a dark, creepy street. May be it's my overworked imagination. Opening times, 9-11am and 2-4pm. That's it. May be the corpses need their rest, I dunno. The Marathoners are rightfully disappointed, their lead is all but gone.



TallShort arrive and greet the Marathoners, already cocooned in their sleeping bags and mini-tent. They do mental calculations and, yeah, bunching sucks. They bunk down for the night.



Back at Calais, the situation is no different. We see teams in their sleeping bags all lined up inside Calais station.



~~~~~



Before Sunrise. Calais. A group of extremely bleary-eyed individuals get their tickets and board the 05.03 train.



Sunrise. Paris. The Marathoners and TallShort snore away while dead bodies below them stir.



Après Sunrise. The peloton arrives at the gate to the Catacombs, to the slight surprise of the frontrunners, who say they think the others may have arrived in the middle of the night.



It's time. The black doors of the Catacombs squeak open and the teams enter into the Twilight Zone. A long, dark, narrow, wet tunnel brings them underground into an entrance chamber which leads to a dark opening. Over the entrance of the opening is a sign that says Arrête! C'est ici l'empire de la mort. In English, Stop! This is the empire of death.



What lies behind the opening is creepiest place I've ever seen, and I have been there myself. The Catacombs came to being in the late 18th century, when Paris was expanding like mad. They began to run out of space so the government decided to uproot the bones in the large cemeteries and placing the bones in underground quarries, thus freeing up the land. The skeletons were solemnly moved, stacked them up in neat walls of bones and skulls inside the caves. It's estimated that the remains of 5 to 6 million had been painstakingly removed and re-housed.



Only a small part is open to the public, and it's enough. Seeing all those bones and skulls is a humbling experience and brings home how fragile the human body is, how small we are in the great scheme of the universe, and brings home the reality of our own mortality. It's also very very scary.



Most of our racers are freaked, it's rare for me to be this sympathetic, but I feel for them. Tired, stressed-out and tense, the last thing they want is to be searching for a tomb in such a claustrophobically macabre location.



"I've visited the New Orleans Cemetery, it was a weird experience and I was a little scared. Going through the Catacombs was a thousand times worse, there were bones everywhere, skulls laughing at us, you could even touch them, I've never seen anything like it," says Lorne.



"I don't want to see anything like it, ever again," his partner adds.



Teams move through the chambers like the Grim Reaper is waiting for them around the next corner, sticking together for comfort. They find Gilbert's Tomb and the clue which tells them to take the Métro to La Défense and find La Grande Arche. This is the Pitstop for this leg of the race and the last team to arrive will be eliminated.



I'm rudely thrown back to reality. So it's another footrace then, seeing the teams are all bunched up. Oh great.



They fall over each other in their haste to get out of there and off they go to find the nearest Métro station, which the Editors tell us is Denfert Rochereau. The destination is La Défense, which even I know is on the far left of the map.



We go from bad to worse, AAbot, the Goldies and R.Randy left their backpacks at the entrance and are shocked to find that the exit a few streets away from the entrance. Shit! The guard at the entrance gives them directions and they run back.



Double shit! The Twins get into a taxi. What are they doing? The clue says take the Métro, there's nothing subway-like about a taxi. It's Heave all over again, don't they ever learn? Get out! Get out! Get out!



It's not as easy to find the station, the teams get split up in the narrow streets of Paris. We see the Pirates, TallShort and the Principals getting into one train. Then the Actors, Lovebirds, Moms and Marathoners into a second.



The Goldies, R.Randy and AAbot retrieve their backpacks and run to find the station.



Teams need to make a connection at an intermediary stop. Don't know if any of you have ever had to interchange at the Paris Métro, some of those connections make you walk a whole fucking mile, once you get underground it's a veritable maze of cigarette stalls, murals and buskers. But it's the endless walking that gets you in the end.



No surprise that Snyder is shouting at Flutie again. They're at an intersection and can't remember which line to take. Snyder's yelling, "I don't know if it's line A or line 1, they both say the same destination! Didn't you look at the map?" Flutie looks blank. They take line 1.



The Actors and Lovebirds have the sense to find a map and plan their route. Willow correctly deduces they need line A, which is the express. That girl is smart.



Meanwhile in the Taxi-that-is-not-the-Métro, the Twins realize their mistake. "Shit," Ben beeps. I can't hear him of course, but I can read lips. "The clue says take the Métro," he states the obvious. "We have to get out."



They get out of their taxi and tries to find a Métro station. Now, getting into a taxi against instructions is dumb. But getting out in the middle of nowhere? The dumbness of which I have no words for. Why didn't they take the taxi back to the Catacombs and start again? Dumb, dumb, dumb.



~~~~~



La Grande Arche at La Défense is a characterless white square with a hole in the middle, so uncharacteristically fugly, considering how much flair we expect from the French. Now, if we transplant this building to Germany, it'll be a post-modernist wonder. [sincere apologies to the Germans, I love you guys, really.] But the French? Disappointed now.



Thank god for Phil, the best looking person or object in the whole area. He waits patiently for the teams to arrive.



It's Pirate & Wench. Wow, second place last leg, first this leg. Welcome, you're team number one and you win a vacation in Mexico.



TallShort arrive next, some of their time advantage helping. They're team number two.



The Actors and Lovebirds are teams number three and four respectively.



R.Randy and AAbot change trains. The Goldies wander around the Métro system looking clueless, a far cry from the limos they normally travel in.



Back at the Amazing Bathmat, amazingly it's the Principals who get in next, they're team number five.



The Moms are team number six, the Marathoners check-in as team number seven.



R.Randy arrive finally, they're team number eight. AAbot are team number nine.



We've lost the Twins. There's no suspense as the Goldies come up to Phil, he does his stern, pitying look and tell them .. they're team number ten.



The Twins are here, they look dejected. Phil tells them that the bad news first, they took the taxi, against the rules of the clue, and will receive a time penalty. Then he really sticks it in and tells them the even worse news, they're the last team to arrive anyway, so even without the time penalty, they're out. That is one of the most humiliating Philminations I've ever seen.



"We started the leg well, we were in third place. Then everyone had train trouble and we thought we were in a decent position. Never expect our race to end like this, never, never," Glory says in shock. Well my pretty, it's ended.



Today's lesson? Read. the. clue. They didn't, so Goodbye Twins.





*****



Teaser for Episode 3



Shot of a French shopkeeper yelling and gesticulating wildly as teams going through mountains of postcards spread out all over the floor.



"I think we atom bombed his shop," says Andrew.



Shot of a pile-up of bodies at what looks like an obstacle course in the trees.



Anya arguing with Xander, "I'm not going to the casino, why do you want to go gambling again? You're getting as stupid as your father, Xander. And I'm still not sharing the prize with him."



"You leave my old man out of this," Xander retorts.





*****



Useful links & information



Canterbury Tales Exhibition



Answers to the Canterbury Tales questions: 1. Saturn, Venus, Mars, Diana | 2. flood | 3. five | 4. seven | 5. gold



Map of the Catacombs

Pictures of the Catacombs — warning! don't click if you get freaked easily

Searchable Métro map





*****



------

quiet thoughts

hidden watson
 

Next

Return to Board index

Return to Willow/Tara Finished Fics Archive (Authors N-Z)

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


Powered by phpBB The phpBB Group © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007
Style based on a Cosa Nostra Design