Original Story - Beautiful Dreamer

[beautifultrgdy]

Hey All!

My name is Jessica. I'm from Texas and I stumbled across this part of the Kittenboard when I was posting a story on Pens. I've been working on this story for years now... Although I haven't gotten very far, I've been working hard.

This story is very close to my heart and I want to know if it is good enough to keep going, or if I need to start over.



WARNINGS: Angst... Probably lots of it. But there will be happy and there will be love. I'm not sure how much details I will have in the lovin' only because I hope one day to publish this thing... And lots of lovin' might keep it from being published.



Here goes nothin... *big gulp*





Beautiful Dreamer

A Work In Progress



        “Annabel Elizabeth Stevens, get up this instant! You’ll be late for your appointment if you don’t,” an irritating voice floats into her dream, interrupting a slow dance with an unseen partner. Annabel groans and calls out, “I’m awake, Helen.” A woman in her mid-forties sticks her head in the door and tells her daughter, “The doctor called, and we’ve moved your appointment up half-an-hour.”



Annabel sits up and looks at her clock, growling. “Now, Annie. It’s not polite to growl,” the woman tells her. Biting her lower lip Annabel nods, “Y-yes, Helen. I’m s-sorry.” Helen rolls her eyes, “Please, Annie, don’t bite your lip. It’s not very becoming.” Quickly Annabel stops gnawing on her bottom lip and nods, “Of c-course, Helen. I’m s-sorry.” Helen nods curtly and disappears from the door.



Annabel sighs quietly and pushes back the covers of her red satin sheets, climbing out of the mahogany four-post bed. She walks sleepily to the bathroom and just as she is about to enter Helen’s voice calls out, “I though I had asked you to call me Mother, Annie.” Annabel whirls around, her blonde hair fanning out behind her as she stammers, “Y-yes, you d-did, Hel – Mother. I’m sorry.” Her bright, ice blue eyes open wide and innocently as she stares expectantly at her mother.



“You had better hurry Annie,” Helen says before walking away from the doorway. Sighing softly Annabel walks into the bathroom, shedding her nightclothes. Quickly removing the pale green, silky pajama bottoms and matching tank top she climbs under the fast running hot water. Groaning unhappily she stands firm, allowing the steamy water to rush over her thin, pale body.



The only time when she is really allowed to be alone with her thoughts, the warm water calming her, refreshing her, is in the shower. Asking herself tons of questions, “What is going to happen to me? Does anybody even care?” Before she can even attempt to answer them a loud rapping noise appears at the door and her mother’s voice yells out, “Annie! I said hurry.” She angrily reaches over and turns the water off saying, “I’ll be out in a second, Helen.” She hears a short sigh and then Helen saying harshly, “Please, call me mother, Annie.” Biting her lip she closes her eyes, “I’m sorry, mother.”



She can almost see Helen’s facial expression in the back of her mind; her nose wrinkling and a frown appearing on her face as she says, “Annie, don’t bite your lip.” Annabel rests her head against the glass door of the shower and sighs, “I’m s-s-sorry.” After a few seconds of silence she assumes that Helen has left the doorway and climbs out of the shower, wrapping herself in a hot pink towel. Staring at herself in the mirror she sighs, “I look like hell,” she says quietly to no one in particular.



She wrings her hair out before leaving the bathroom and walking to her closet. “What am I going to wear,” she asks herself out loud, flipping through the many clothes in her large closet. Finally she selects a white sundress and slips it on, enjoying the soft, silky feeling against her almost bare skin. She returns to the bathroom, twisting her hair into a stylish bun. She then applies basic make up before slipping on a pair of white flip-flops and heading out of her room. “I’m leaving, Mother,” she says softly before reaching out and turning the door knob.



“Annie, Jesse called and I told him that you would be meeting him and the others at Barnes and Nobles after your appointment,” Helen’s voice yells from the kitchen. “D-did you tell him that I had a d-doctor’s appointment,” Annabel nervously asks. “No, I didn’t Annie. I told him that you had to run a few errands for me. Good luck at the doctor’s,” Helen replies. Nodding Annabel frowns slightly, but she doesn’t leave. “What’s the matter Annabel,” Helen asks faintly concerned. “W-would you go with m-me to the doctor’s,” Annabel asks shyly looking up at her mother.



Helen frowns, “You know that I have things to do Annie.” Annabel nods, “Y-yes, I’m sorry. J-just forget I a-asked.” Rolling her eyes Helen says, “Stop stuttering Annabel. You were raised better than that. I don’t understand where it comes from.” Nodding Annabel says, “I’m s-sorry, Mother. It comes out m-more when I’m nervous.” Helen groans, “Or when you’re provoked, or shy, or upset and just don’t admit it. It happens frequently Annie.”



Sighing Annabel opens the door, “I’m go-going to b-be late.” She walks out without looking back and the door closes quietly behind her.



*********



        “Here’s your new meds, Annie,” a petite brunette nurse says handing Annabel a small bottle. Annabel smiles shyly, “Thank y-you Aunt Alice.” She takes the medicine from the woman and slowly climbs off the counter, wincing slightly. “I know you’re sore, Anna,” Alice says sympathetically.



Annabel winces as the name, but nods and tells her, “Yes.” Alice smiles, “Have a good two weeks, Annabel. See you around.” She walks out of the room casting one last sympathetic glance at the limping teenager. Annabel sighs and grabs her dress, sliding behind a gray, drab curtain and pulling off the green hospital gown she is wearing. “Annie,” a loud male voice calls out. “I’m changing Keith,” Annabel yells from behind the curtain.



“Oh, okay. I’ll wait for you in the lobby,” Keith says embarrassed. Annabel sticks her head out, looking at him and smiling, “Okay, doctor.” He turns red and leaves the room, shaking his head as he goes. Annabel giggles softly before pulling the silky garment over her head, sighing as the fabric shimmies over her skin. She groans, running a hand lightly over her sore hip and limping out of the small examination room. “Annie,” Keith says warmly, “How are you?” Annabel raises her eyebrow slightly and says, “Peachy, Uncle Keith, and you?” Keith sighs, “I’m sorry, Annie.



That was a pretty stupid question.” He pulls her into a hug and she contently rests her head on the shoulder of her uncle. “How’s your hip,” he quietly whispers. “Hurts l-like hell,” she replies. He nods and says, “I’ll give you one more pill and then you can leave.” She grins and pulls away from him, “Thanks, doctor.” He nods and disappears for a few minutes. “How you doin’ Annabel,” a voice calls out from the door of the lobby. She smiles and turns to the door saying, “Kevin. My favorite delivery boy!” He laughs, “Well, I hope I’m more than just your favorite delivery boy.”



She nods as she hugs the tall, handsome boy, saying, “You’re my favorite everything, cuz.” Keith returns with a glass of water, handing it to Annabel along with a small white pill. “Hey, son,” he says greeting Kevin. Kevin nods and watches as Annabel swallows the medicine. “Did Alice give you the shots,” Keith asks her. She slowly shakes her head, “No, Uncle.” He also hands her a small compartment saying, “I didn’t think so.” She frowns and takes it from him saying, “I’d better get going. H-Helen has me meeting the gang s-soon.” Kevin rolls his eyes, “How is the queen this morning, dollface?” Annabel groans, “As r-r-royal as ever, Kevin.” Keith clears his throat and Annabel blushes, ashamed. “That is my sister-in-law you are talking about,” Keith says quietly.



Annabel and Kevin nod wordlessly. Keith breaks into a grin saying, “But she is quite the pain, isn’t she.” Annabel and Kevin laugh, relieved. “She really is, Uncle Keith,” Annabel says smiling. Keith nods. “She’s nothing like Aunt Anna,” Kevin says quietly. Annabel frowns, turning her face away from her uncle and cousin. She sighs quietly, “I sh-should r-really go now.” Kevin reaches out, grabbing Annabel's arm. “Annie, you’ll get used to her. Eventually,” Keith tells her sweetly. “It’s b-been ten y-y-years, Keith,” Annabel says shortly. Kevin sighs, “Your stutter has gotten worse.” Annabel nods, “I know… I should r-r-r-really g-go n-now.”



Keith nods, “Annie, we’ll see you for dinner sometime this week, right?” Annabel smiles, “As always.” She hugs Kevin goodbye and waves at Keith saying, “Have a good day.” Kevin smiles, “See you later, cuz.” Keith waves, watching his niece walk out the door of the clinic.



*********



        Stepping out into the warm, morning July weather Annabel smoothes down her sundress, her long, honey blonde hair streaming in the warm breeze, and she slips on a pair of chic sunglasses. Whistling sharply and raising her hand high she expertly hails a cab. Three cabs screech to a halt and honk wildly for her attention. She climbs into the nearest one saying, “Barnes & Noble, 112th.”



The cabby grunts a response and slams back into rushing traffic, causing Annabel to grip the door tightly. “G-get me there in one piece, please,” she says timidly. The cabby looks up at her through the rear-view mirror and says, “Don’t worry, lady.” She sighs, but doesn’t take her hand from the door. After ten minutes of the horrible cab ride, they arrive at Barnes & Noble. “$15.95, lady,” the cabby says loudly.



She thrusts the money into his hand saying, “Keep the change.” She quickly climbs out of the cab and walks towards the doors of the bookstore. “About time you showed up,” a loud Brooklyn voice yells from down the sidewalk. Annabel turns, smiling at the voice of her best-friend. “I kn-know. Sorry,” she says apologetically. The gorgeous brunette smiles forgivingly and says, “Don’t worry about it, Annie. I still love you.” Annabel grins, “Whew. Thank goodness, Torii.” The two girls hug and Torii says, “I sent the others on to Karen’s, we’d better get a move on.” Annabel motions for a cab, but Torii stops her, “I’ve just spent the last forever inside, cooped up. Karen’s isn’t that far, do you think that we could maybe walk?” Slowly Annabel nods, “Yeah, I guess.” The two girls set off down the sidewalk, lost against the throng of people. “Where were you,” Torii yells to her. She shrugs, “Out and about, r-running errands for the queen.”



Torii rolls her eyes, “Does she know that you call her that?” Annabel shrugs, “I have no clue.” Torii grins, “All right.” They continue walking for a few minutes and then Annabel stops to take a rest, leaving Torii to walk on without knowing. She stops suddenly looking back and calling out, “Annie?” Annabel waves, “I’m here, Torii.” Torii walks back asking, “Why’d you stop?”



Annabel shrugs, “I got tired.” Torii frowns, but doesn’t ask questions. Annabel quickly begins walking again saying, “Sorry, Torii.” Torii shrugs, “No biggie. We’re almost there.” Annabel nods, “Okay.” They walk for a few more minutes before finally arriving at Karen’s Deli. “I told ‘em to save us a seat,” Torii tells her as they enter the classic deli restaurant. “Good,” Annabel tells her quietly. The wander to their usual spot and both girls sit down without saying a word.



“It’s about time you two showed up, I was getting tired of watching these two make out,” says a boy of about seventeen with rugged good looks and dark shaggy hair, gesturing to a leggy red-head practically on top of a blonde boy with enormous ears. Annabel rolls her eyes, “You kn-know you liked it.” Torii laughs, “Oh, you got dissed!” Jesse’s face freezes for a second before he grins, “You’re lucky that you’re my girlfriend and you can say things like that, Annie.” Annabel gnaws on her lower lip for a second before saying, “I’m not your girlfriend, Jesse.” He goes on like she never said anything, “What did you do this morning, Annie?”



Annabel shrugs, “Ran some errands for the queen.” They nod and the two kissing come up for air, “When did you get here,” asks the girl. Annabel grins and says, “Just a few s-seconds ago, Kelly.” Kelly smiles and scoots closer to Annabel pulling her into a hug, “I’ve missed you, blondie! Where have you been?” Annabel shrugs, “Europe.” Kelly laughs, “Only you could get away with jetting off to Europe for a month while school is still in session!”



Annabel smiles and Jesse says, “We are going to the movies Friday, Annie.” Her smile fades and she is about to argue but Jesse turns to Mike and says, “Have you seen the new posters from Spencer’s yet?” Annabel's mouth closes and she turns her attention back to Torii and Kelly. “Where did you go in Europe,” Torii asks her friend.



Annabel replies, “Florence.” Surprised Kelly says, “You were in Europe for a month and the only place you went was Florence?” Annabel nods, “I was vis-visiting f-family there.” Mike nods, “How is Uncle Tony?” Annabel laughs quietly, almost sadly and says, “He was great, but he asked about the little boy with huge ears that peed on his thousand dollar penny loafers, a lot.” Mike beams from ear to ear and says gamely, “At least I know how to make a lasting impression. What was it, twelve years ago when he came to visit you here?” Annabel frowns for a second before telling him, “Nearly eleven years. He came six years after my m-m-mother d-died. I was six years old when he came to visit me, on m-my b-b-birthday.”



Mike’s face fell as he realized how close Annabel's birthday was, “Annie, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.” Annabel shakes her head and starts to tell Mike that it is all right, but Jesse jumps in, “Mike, it’s no big deal. Annie’s come to terms with it.” Torii saw fit to change the subject, “So, you’ve come back just in time for exams, Annie.” Annabel rolls her eyes, “I know, just my l-l-luck, huh?” Kelly turns to her and says, “It’s been ages since we’ve all three spent the night together, Annie! When are we getting together again?”



Torii groans, “Four.” Confused Kelly looks at her and says, “Four?” Torii explains, “It’s been ages since the four of us spent the night together. You are forgetting Lucy.” Kelly groans, “Oh, why is she still hanging around?” Annabel frowns, “She’s Helen’s goddaughter.” Mike nods, “Oh, yeah. I keep forgetting.” Jesse grunts, “She’s not that bad.” Torii rolls her eyes, “Whatever kids. I’m getting a little tired and a lot bored.” She looks at Annabel, “Take me home?” Annabel nods and stands up to leave. “You haven’t eaten anything, Annie. Sit back down,” Jesse tells her.



Torii stands up and says, “We’ll get something to eat at my house, Jesse.” Jesse scoffs, “Sit back down.” Slowly, Annabel moves to sit back down in her seat and Kelly laughs, “You don’t own her, Jesse. She’s not even your girlfriend,” She stands up and moves to leave with the other girls. “I’ll call you later Mike,” she spits out at him. They leave the deli and hear Mike turn to Jesse and say, “Thanks man. It’ll take me days to get out of this one!”



*********



        “What’s the matter, Annie,” Torii asks concerned. Annabel's closed eyes flutter open as she presses a hand to her temple and looks at her friends. Kelly’s sympathetic look is too much for Annabel and she sighs, putting on a brave face and says, “It’s nothing, just a tiny headache. It’s almost gone already.” Inside, Annabel is groaning because she knows that this headache is much more than something tiny; the trip to the doctor’s always makes her very sick if she doesn’t sleep immediately afterwards.



The girls go on with their conversations with Annabel trying her hardest to add something as much as she can. Soon, her headache becomes too much for her and she tells the other girls that she has to go home, and they walk her to the lobby. She climbs into the cab waiting for her and tells the driver, “Lightwood, 169th and Park.” The cabby grunts and takes off, flying down the traffic jammed streets of New York City. Annabel's headache is nearly blinding by the time she arrives at the building where she lives. “Miss Stevens,” an old man at the door yells out, seeing the weakened girl stumble from the cab. He walks quickly over and helps her into the building, “What’s the matter, Miss Stevens?”



She groans lightly and says, “My head.” He nods, “Don’t worry, I’ll get you upstairs.” He leads her to the elevator, and slowly helps her lean against the wall. “Do you have the medicine,” he asks sweetly. She shakes her head, “No, Otis, it’s in the apartment.” He nods again, “Don’t worry Miss Stevens, we’re almost there.” She smiles through tears falling freely down her cheeks and says, “You’ve always taken good care of me, Otis.” He smiles, “You’ve always been my favorite tenant, Miss Stevens.” She sighs as the elevator bell dings and Otis leads her into the hallway, towards her apartment.



They reach the door and Annabel fumbles for her key, “Miss Stevens, let me just ring the doorbell,” Otis tells her. She nods, agreeing that would be easiest. Helen comes to the door, frowning, “Annie? What are you doing ringing the doorbell?” Otis explains, “She is having a headache attack, Mrs. Stevens.” Helen looks distastefully at the old man and says, “Thank you, Mr. Otis. I’ll take her from here.” Annabel turns gratefully to the man and whispers, “Thank you.” He smiles, “Anytime, Miss Stevens.”



He turns and disappears in the elevator, casting one last glance over his shoulder for Annabel. Helen looks down at her and says, “Where is your medication?” Annabel groans, staggering towards her room, “M-my bathroom.” Helen walks into the bathroom and grabs four different pill bottles and comes over to the bed asking, “Which one?” Annabel looks at them and grabs one, “These.”



Helen pops the lid off and pours out three pills, handing then to Annabel. She pops them into her mouth and swallows them dry. “Do you need something else,” Helen asks her. Annabel sighs and whispers, “I h-h-have to take a sh-shot.” Helen’s eyes widen, “You want me to give it to you?”



Annabel's eyes open again as she sees the look of horror on Helen’s face and she says, “No. I can do it again in an hour, the pills should have worked by then.” Suddenly, she brings her hand to her mouth and she bolts out of bed and runs to the bathroom, barely making it before she vomits up the lunch she had eaten, along with the pills.



Helen sighs shortly, “Where do I have to stick you?” Annabel pulls her shirt up and runs her hand across her exposed belly saying, “Here.” Helen asks, “Where are the shots?” Annabel points to her purse, her hand shaking terribly. “Are you sure that you can’t do it,” Helen asks as she pulls the needle out. Annabel nods, “My hands are shaking too bad, and I can barely focus on anything.”



Helen nods, placing her hand on Annabel's stomach. She flinches as she sticks the teenager, and administers the medicine. “I’ll let you sleep awhile,” Helen tells Annabel, helping her to her bed. She nods and falls into the silky bed, wanting to fall asleep immediately.



**************



Jessica





edited to add novel's title in the thread title. well, in theory that is what I edited it for.

Edited by: beautifultrgdy  at: 10/2/04 4:03 pm

[justin]

This is an interesting start to the story.



I'm rather ambivilent about the step mother at the moment. At first I was like, bossy much? and building up a good head of But then she did seem to be taking good care of Annie at the end, especially giving her the shot even though she was obviously put off by the idea. So I guess I'll have to wait to see where you go with her before making any decisions.



So it seems that Annie has serious medical problems. I wonder why she doesn't tell her friends. Is she worried they'll think less of her, or maybe that they'll treat her differently, like an invalid. One question that comes to mind is whether her trip to Europe was connected to her illness.



Jessie thinks that Annies is his girlfriend, but it seems that she has other ideas. That could cause problems in future.



I have one suggestion. In a couple of places you have more than character talking in a paragraph, which causes some confusion and makes it harder to figure out who's talking. Like this



Helen pops the lid off and pours out three pills, handing then to Annabel. She pops them into her mouth and swallows them dry. “Do you need something else,” Helen asks her. Annabel sighs and whispers, “I h-h-have to take a sh-shot.” Helen’s eyes widen, “You want me to give it to you?"



This would be better if you split up more, like this



Helen pops the lid off and pours out three pills, handing then to Annabel. She pops them into her mouth and swallows them dry. “Do you need something else,” Helen asks her.



Annabel sighs and whispers, “I h-h-have to take a sh-shot.”



Helen’s eyes widen, “You want me to give it to you?"



Looking forward to more

A good story should provoke discussion, debate, argument...and the occasional bar fight. -JMS

[beautifultrgdy]

Thank you, Justin, for your advice. In the nest chapter I will be sure to split them up properly.



I love constructive critisism!

Jessica

Adia I'm empty since you left me...

[StrangeQuark]

You have the makings of a good story here. The characters have some interesting and dynamic interactions/relationships. Plot-wise, there’s a great many mysteries waiting to be pursued and solved.



Justin already covered the paragraph-per-action thingy…



Only two nitpicks…



As Justin pointed-out, your protagonist has serious problems (terrible in real life, but always a great thing in fiction!) You have the opportunity to ‘show’ us the extent of the dysfunction and the impact that it has on her life, but you’ve chosen instead to summarize much of it. This may be a missed opportunity here:



[--“The girls go on with their conversations with Annabel trying her hardest to add something as much as she can. Soon, her headache becomes too much for her and she tells the other girls that she has to go home, and they walk her to the lobby.”--]



This would be more dramatic if the girls had a dialogue going, and we get little glimpses of Annabel’s growing pain—and the dread of it-- in between lines from the others. To use summary like this is to rob your story of a chance to build tension and drama, as Annabel struggles to participate, becoming less and less able to do so due to her infirmity.—Just a thought.



Dialogue could use a little attention. Think of the words, read them aloud after you’ve written them. Read them in the voice of the speaker.



[--“Otis explains, “She is having a headache attack, Mrs. Stevens.”--]



Otis uses contractions in most of his speech, but he says “She is” in this line. Left me a little off-balance. Helen does the same thing a few times as well.



Remember—When you’re writing dialogue, you’re giving a –at least—a dramatization of speech. I’m also doubting that Otis would call Helen Mrs. Stevens before simply, Ma’am or something of the like. That’s just me, though.



I’m going to share my thought on dialogue in Patches’ machinations thread soon. It’s—so I’ve been told, at least—one of the few things that I do well, and I’ve been studying dialogue in particular at great length recently, so I’ll share my ideas with all of the kittens in ‘machinations.’



Non-nitpicks, just observations/questions…



Why the present tense? I’m just curious.



You give lots of description… That’s good. Sometimes you give it a little too directly-- for my liking, at least.



[--“Annabel sighs quietly and pushes back the covers of her red satin sheets, climbing out of the mahogany four-post bed.”—] Why am I hearing about this? I can picture it, but why do I need to know? It’s to demonstrate Annabel’s refuge, retreat, splendor? If so, try to incorporate the description into the narrative…



“Annabel releases a sigh, too quiet for Helen to hear, a whisper mingling with the swish of red satin sheets as she forces herself from the comfortable sanctuary of her sturdy four-post bed.”



Notice that in the above example, the description and narrative are one. There is an answer to ‘why’ we’re reading the details of the bed. This isn’t the best example, but I want you to get the gist of my point. I hope that helps.



So, what IS wrong with Annabel. Did her mother die of the same problem?



Troii is spunky. I like spunky. You’ve given her just enough characterization and description for us to understand who she is. Well done.



The scene in the deli is interesting too. I like the contrary element… You are/I’m not… at work, and also the way that you chose to hint at the conflict instead of engaging it right away. Good move.



Great start. Really. I can tell that this is close to your heart indeed. Keep that connection--and the energy that comes from it-- strong. It has already lent a lot of spirit to the story.



Keep going? Of course!



-SQ

[Patches]

Hey Jessica,



Well I'm definitely late to the party. Since Justin and SQ have generated such thoughtful feedback, I don't want to duplicate things here.



You have a gem of an idea happening with this story; it's dynamic and gets the reader's attention (commonly called, "The Hook.")



You have a great start with this work. Keep writing. The more you write, the more you learn. I don't know if writing ever gets easier, but I do know, over time, it's (somewhat) less painful (lol).



Look forward to reading more.



Cheers!!

Patches

Our wedding vows: Life Love Everlasting, Always Intertwining. - Sunday June 27, 2004 :)

[beautifultrgdy]

Afternoon all.



StrangeQuark Thank you for the input. I started this story two years ago and it has been at least six months since I edited the first chapter. I've been slaving away trying to edit/revise it. The present tense? I just feel more at home with it. More over, my story is about NOW, not then. I want my readers to know that.



Patches Thanks! I'm working heard on it.



This is the part of the post where I promise an update real soon. *crosses fingers*



Toodles

Jessica

Adia I'm empty since you left me...

[beautifultrgdy]

True to my word! Here's the update!



Title: Beautiful Dreamer

Chapter: 2/?

Warnings: Angst

Disclaimers: Any resemblence to real people is not intentional. This story is 100% my own. Characters, Building & School names. Some street names have been taken from the actual New York City, but mostly they are made up in my head.

Feedback: Yes, please. More constuctive critisism, PLEASE!



Chapter 2



The dryness of Annabel’s mouth does not go unnoticed by the blonde as she wakes to only a dull throbbing in her head. Groaning, she forces her eyes open to focus on the clock next to her bed.



Surprisingly it reads one hour later than when she came home, the headache unbearable. Using what little strength she has in her body she pulls herself out of the bed and makes her way into the larger area of the apartment.



She winces and shields her eyes as the bright lights from the hallway beam at her. She feels a small body rush past her and yell, “Morning Annie!”



She grumbles a greeting and continues her trek to the kitchen. She is still walking when she hears a familiar voice sing out, “My you’ve grown since I saw you last week, Hunter.” Annabel grins widely.



“D-daddy,” she breathes and rushes into the kitchen, forgetting how her body hurts and how sudden movements cause her head to swim. Luckily, her father is there to catch her as the dizzy takes over and nearly causes her to faint on the floor.



Luke Stevens helps his elder daughter sit down on the kitchen stool, worried. Once she has regained her composure, he smiles. “You’re awake, Annie, I thought you were going to sleep the whole day away,” the man tells her kindly.



“How long did I sleep?”



Luke looks at his watch, “You’ve been in that bed for over 24 hours now. How are you feeling?”



Annabel smiles softly, “I’ve been better, Daddy.” He nods and she asks, “W-w-when did you get home? I thought you weren’t s-supposed to be back for another week.”



He shrugs, “I missed my family.” He kisses her forehead softly, “Do you feel up to coming to the museum with us?”



Annabel frowns, unsure of what to think. Hunter bounces up and down, “Please feel good, Annie! You promised to come with us when Daddy came home.” Luke smiles and tousles the little boy’s hair.



Annabel smiles down at the excited five-year-old tugging at her pant’s leg. ‘How can you resist some one like that,’ she thinks to herself. Sighing softly she tells Hunter, “Of c-course I feel good enough, kid.” Turning to Luke, Annabel asks, “How much time do I have to get ready?”



Luke chuckles, “As much time as you need.” He nods at the woman standing near the sink and she places a plate in front of Annabel. “Eat something dear, you’ll need strength.”



Annabel makes a face but says, “Thanks Maria.” Her stomach protesting at just the smell of the meal.



The woman smiles and replies in her Spanish accent, “Welcome, Miss Stevens.” Luke frowns and shoots the woman a look. She nods, the smiles disappearing from her face, and walks out of the room.



“I swear, the whole country is being overrun by immigrants.” He shakes his head and turns to Hunter, “We’ll leave your sister to eat, son.” The boy grabs his dad’s hand and rushes out of the room.



Annabel stares down at her plate of bacon and eggs, picking at it with her fork ever so often. She puts a few bites of egg into her mouth, letting them slide down her throat. She whimpers as she feels her stomach tighten and threaten to rebel.



“You throw it away and I do not see you,” a voice says from behind her. Starting at the sudden noise Annabel turns around. Maria smiles, “You not feel good, not eat the breakfast.”



Annabel smiles gratefully, “Thanks, Maria.” She impulsively hugs the woman before dumping the plate into the sink. “You’re a life s-saver.” The woman smiles and sets to work, cleaning up the kitchen after the family. Annabel walks out of the kitchen only to return and whisper, “Has Helen left?”



Maria rolls her eyes, “Mrs. Stevens is gone way abefore you wake up, Miss Stevens.” Annabel smiles and leaves somewhat happy.



**********



“Hey, Annie! Do you see that one? I betcha… a million dollars you could paint it betters,” Hunter says as he excitedly holds his big sister’s hand and points up at Van Gogh’s ‘Starry Night.’



Luke grins and tells Hunter, “And where will you get that kind of money?” Hunter thinks for a minute, his little nose wrinkling in thought. Annabel looks at him, eager to hear what his imaginative mind can come up with.



His face lights up as an idea pops into his head. He turns to his father and says, “Daddy, can I borrow a million dollars so Annie will paint me that picture?” Luke’s laughter can be heard down the hallway of the Metropolitan Museum of Art.



“I’m going to the men’s room. Can you watch him for three minutes, Annabel?” Luke asks, already beginning to walk off.



The two continue looking at the painting. Hunter sighs a little boy sigh, “That sure would look good in my room.”



Annabel smiles, “I’ll paint it for you.”



Hunter pouts, “But I don’t have a million dollars.”



Giggling quietly Annabel swoops the little boy off of his feet and into her arms, “It doesn’t take a m-million dollars for me to paint you s-something, kid.” Hunter lets loose with a peal of little boy giggles as his sister swings him trough the air.



Without warning Luke returns and removes the boy from her arms and chastises him, “You know you aren’t supposed to play with your sister like that, Hunter. Your mother and I have told you a thousand times that she is sick.”



Tears form behind his eyes as he nods, sorry that he broke the rules. “Daddy,” Annabel says, placing her hand on Hunter’s shoulder, “I p-p-picked him up, it’s not his f-fault.”



Luke looks at Annabel, “Don’t make excuses for your brother, Annie. He is old enough to know how to behave.” Hunter nods, seriousness in his face. Luke looks at his watch, “I have to go by the office, we stayed here later than I expected we would. You two will have to come with me.”



Hunter makes a face and pouts, “ I don’t want to. The office is boring and we stay there all day.” Silently Annabel agrees with him.



She smiles and asks, “Why don’t you let us go to the park while you go to the office? Hunter will have more fun, and I will get some fresh air.”



Hunter excitedly jumps up and down saying over and over, “The park! The park! The park!” Luke sighs, trying to decide what the best course of action should be.



He look at his daughter, reads the pleading in her eyes and gives in, “Anything you want, Annie.”



Hunter squeals out in pleasure, “Yay!” Annabel cups her hand over his mouth, as the people in the museum turn to stare at them. She smiles apologetically at them and tells her father, “We’ll be all right.”



He hands them taxi fair and tells Annabel, “If you start feeling badly head home right then, understood?” Annabel nods and Luke turns to Hunter, “You take care of your sister, all right, son?” Hunter proudly nods, glad to be given such a good job.



Luke calls one last thing as his children are climbing into a cab, “Be home before dark.” Hunter nods emphatically out the window, “Yes, Daddy!”



**********



“Annie,” Hunter’s little voice yells from the swing where he is sitting. When she looks at him he asks, “How do you swing?”



Annabel grins and moves from her spot on a bench not too far from him to sit on the swing beside his. “I’ll show you.” She leans back and he copies her motions. Gently pushing off with her feet, Annabel starts swinging.



Hunter tries to do the same, but his feet can’t quite reach the ground. He grunts with effort and finally succeeds in using his body weight to get the swing going.



Annabel shows him how to use his legs to make him go higher and faster. “Annie, I can swing,” he screams, laughing excitedly. Annabel smiles right along with him. Soon, she is tired and moves from the swing back to her bench, where her sketchpad was left laying.



Picking it back up she turns to a new sheet, wanting to draw Hunter as he discovers how to swing. She folds herself into a lotus position on the seat and begins sketching her little brother. She is so lost in her drawing she doesn’t see him kick out too hard and fall backwards out of the swing.



His piercing cry snaps her out of her artist’s daze, though. She is on her feet and running to him before her brain has fully processed what is going on. “Hunter, are you okay,” she asks, frantic. She picks the boy up in her arms and takes him back to the park bench.



His tears are flowing out of his eyes, but he nods bravely. He holds up his elbow and whimpers, “It hurts.” Annabel’s face melts as she sees the poor boy’s scraped up elbow. She bends her head and kisses it gently before saying, “We’ll take you home and get you doctored up, o-okay?”



He pouts, “Do we hafta go home?” He wipes he tears from his eyes, “I doesn’t hurt anymore. I wanna stay.” Annabel shakes her head.



“It m-might get dirty if we stay, kid. I promise we’ll come back s-some day soon.” She kisses his forehead and starts to stand up.



“I couldn’t help but overhear,” a musical voice says suddenly. “I have Band-Aids with me if you would like one.” Annabel turns to her right to see a beautiful Hispanic girl smiling and offering a box of Band-Aids out to her.



Hunter’s eyes light up as he turns to look at his sister, waiting for her answer. Annabel nods gratefully and takes the box from the girl, “Thank you.”



The girl sits down next to her, “No problem, ‘always be prepared’ is my motto. Well, it may be the Boy Scouts of America’s motto or something, but it works for now.”



Annabel smiles at the humor and introduces herself, “I’m Annabel and this little cutie here is Hunter.”She places the Band-Aid on his arm and kisses it saying, ”You can go play for another thirty m-minutes, okay?”



He jumps down and asks, “Can I go to the sand box?” Annabel nods and off he runs.



“I’m Riley,” the girl says. For the first time Annabel is able to really look at her. She sees dark brown eyes, surrounded but barely dark skin. The girl’s long brown hair falls down her back in slight curls.



Annabel licks her lips, “Nice to m-m-meet you Riley.” She groans inwardly, ‘Stupid stutters!’ Riley just grins.



“Cute kid,” Riley says looking after Hunter.



Annabel smiles and says, “Thank you.” After a beat, “Do you always carry Band-Aids w-with you?” She looks to the Latina looking girl with expectant eyes.



Riley shrugs, “I guess you were just lucky today.”



Annabel nods, “Hunter would be so disappointed if w-we had to go home.”



Riley laughs, “I imagine.” She waits a minute before asking, “How old is Hunter?”



Annabel smiles, “He’s f-five.” Riley nods, trying to do the math in her head. She thinks, ‘Annabel can’t be more than 19. Yikes!’



Gulping, Riley tells Annabel, “He looks just like you.”



Annabel shakes her head, “No, he looks m-m-more like our step-Mother than anyone.” Those words process in Riley’s mind.



She lets out a sigh of relief and asks Annabel, “He’s your step-Brother?” Annabel shakes her head.



“He’s my half-brother. We share the s-s-same dad.” Riley laughs a little.



“I though he was your son.”



Annabel’s jaw drops open as shock goes through her. She is speechless for a spilt-second; then the laughter starts. Riley joins her in laughing and the two are rolling on the ground with it before the minute is up. After they have calmed down, Annabel sits there thinking, ‘Wow, she has a beautiful laugh.’



Riley sighs, tired from her laughing adventure. “That’s a lot of work,” she says to Annabel.



Annabel nods, “Sure is. My abs are s-s-sore.” Riley agrees with her, rolling her eyes.



“So, where d-do you go to school, Riley,” Annabel asks, trying to learn more about the girl who so easily captured her attention.



Riley makes a face, “St. Peter’s Academy for girls, after this term I’m a senior.”



Annabel’s face lights up. “That’s where I go. I’ll, um, also be a s-s-senior.”



Riley smiles, “Why haven’t I seen you around?”



Annabel shakes her head, “I don’t know.” She offers, “I’ve been in Europe for a month.”



Riley laughs, “That would explain it. So you’re one of those girls?” Her face losing some of it’s ease at that last question.



Annabel frowns, “What do you m-m-mean, ‘those girls?’ I’m not sure I underst-stand.”



Riley raises her hands saying, “Not trying to offend the pretty girl; I just wanted to know if you belonged to the elite ‘Socials’ at school?”



Annabel winces inwardly as she hears the term ‘socials’. She nods, “Sadly, yes. I’m a ‘social’ and all of my friends are too.” After a beat, “You think I’m pretty?”



Riley looks the blonde in the eye, “You are very pretty.” Annabel’s face heats up a little at Riley’s honesty. Just then Hunter comes running up and Riley asks him, “Isn’t your sister pretty?”



Hunter nods, “She’s the most beautifulest girl in the whole wide world.” He smiles, proud of his answer.



Riley nods, “That’s right.” She looks to see what Annabel's reaction is, hoping for a smile. She is not disappointed in getting what she wants. Annabel’s mouth curves into a small, shy smile.



Hunter hops up on the bench next to Riley and says, “Can I tell you a secret?”



Riley winks slyly, “Of course.”



Hunter leans over and whispers like all five-year-olds do, loud enough for the world to hear, “I’m going to marry her when I grow up.”



Riley nods sincerely and tells him, “What if some one else beats you to it?”



Hunter’s face grows serious as he thinks. “Well,” he says after a minute, “If they beat me, it wasn’t mean to be.” Both Riley and Annabel stare at the little boy, wondering how he got so smart. Annabel is the first to start laughing. She pulls Hunter into her lap and kisses his light brown hair.



Riley whispers, “Kids say the darndest things.”



Hunter crosses his arms in front of his chest and mumbles, “Stop laughing at me.”



Annabel sighs, “We’re not laughing at you buddy.” Annabel notices the sun disappearing behind the trees. She asks him, “Ready to g-go home?”



He shakes his head, “I don’t ever want to go home.”



Annabel looks at him, “Why not?”



He sighs, looking very sad, “Moma will yell at me for getting my clothes dirty.”



Annabel rolls her eyes, “I h-have a plan, okay? We’ll sneak in at h-home and r-run real fast to your r-room and change clothes before she notices.”



Hunter nods, “Okay.” He turns to Riley, “Wanna come?”



Annabel's eyes widen as she tells her little brother, “I’m sure Riley has other things to d-do than come back and play w-with us.” She looks at Riley, surprised to feel a slight tug in her heart that wants the Latina to say yes.



Riley shakes her head, “I can’t come today, Hunter, but I promise you this; I’ll come over soon, sound fair?”



Hunter nods, “Okay, but make it real soon; my sister is lonely.” Annabel blushes as she lifts the boy up and shakes her head in embarrassment.



Riley nods thinking, ‘I could certainly fix that.’



“Good-bye, Riley. I’ll l-l-look for you at s-school?” Annabel says, her voice stumbling over the words.



Riley smiles, teasing the blonde, “Sure you will, Social.”



Annabel frowns, “I will. M-maybe a-after my Calculus final w-we could get l-lunch?” Her voice taking on a hopeful tone.



Riley grins, “I’d like that Social.” She watches as Annabel carries her little brother to the street and hails a cab. “Note to self,” she says softly, “Always carry Band-Aids. You never know when they can lead you to love.”

Jessica

Adia I'm empty since you left me...

[Arron CFF]

This fic keeps getting more intresting I love Hunter he is a cutie pie. Annie's dad seems like a real schmuck, I can't wait for Annie's "friends" to see her talking to Riley that should be a fun read. Good job and I hope to read more soon

Arron

She walks in beauty, Like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies; And all that's best of dark and bright; Meet in her aspect, and her eyes. ~ by Byron ~

[StrangeQuark]

Great follow-up. Getting better all the time.



Random Thoughts:



I like Riley... an interesting and likeable character, to say the least. Why did we plunge into her thoughts so quickly? I mean, we just met her... Think about deferring the conveyance of her thoughts in the future. This was Annabel's POV scene, right from the swing set, and it stayed consistent up until Riley's sudden telepathy to the reader. Not that it's a horrible thing, or even unwelcome (I am interested in what she's thinking about our Annabel,) but there might be a better way to include it. Either give Riley the POV as Hunter and Annabel steal away toward their home (which you kind-of did already,) or maybe use gesture, dialogue, and facial movement to give us a clue rather than direct revelation through a POV shift. It's one of those things that REALLY p*sses-off editors, and for good reason-- Its distraction disrupts the story. I'm way too guilty of this myself, so please understand my sympathy to what you're trying to accomplish. I've tried to do the same thing, and there's no good way to make it work... When you think about it, Riley only shares a few direct thoughts with the readers anyway, so it is possible to boil it down to the point where she SHOWS all of them and TELLS none directly until she is given the POV in another scene.



Your dialogue is much, much better in this chapter. My hat's off to you for attempting something that even seasoned authors shy-away from-- Toddler-speak.

It's challenging to most, and here, you've really excelled. Hunter's lines are rendered very, very well. His words are all believable, appropriate for his age, and endearing without being mushy or caricatured. Bravo! Also, you've made Hunter a real character, another challenge to most including young children in their stories. Kudos to you!



Structure-wise, I think you've got a pretty good 'eye' for scene and conflict. Everything in both of these chapters does move forward with great ease. You've been very sly about introducing conflicts into the background as well-- immigrant-hating, stepmother-hating, misplaced anger, etc.-- giving us a richer look into Annabel, her world, and the characters that comprise it.



Tense:



Q: If my story is happening right now, then shouldn't I use the present tense?

A: That depends on your POV and the immediacy that you’re trying to convey.



There's a problem in prose called the ‘time/distance dilemma’ by some. The closer you bring the reader to your POV character, then the further into the past their actions and reactions will seem.

In a first person narrative, everything is being recounted, even in the present tense, and the reader will always 'feel' the implied past-tense of the telling’s very nature. In third-person narrative, the reader is witnessing events as they happen, regardless of tense. It's a weird thing, really, but true nonetheless. Third person makes the characters more distant from the reader, but the relative objectivity of the narration decreases the time between events and their revelation. When you choose the present tense with a third person narrative, events in the story can seem a little tentative, like the narrator isn't quite sure about the goings-on. It's purely psychological on the part of the reader, but still an important concept for all writers to understand. An example:



Present--

[-- Pendleton knows why she is here-- To spy on his family. His children enter the room, yipping and tumbling, still excited from their day at the Aquarium. He bites his bottom lip, glancing from the growing ruckus to the stoic detective. He asks, "Can I offer you a cup of coffee, Detective Choudary?"



She shakes her head . "No, Thank you." A faint grin comes to her mouth as she watches the rambunctious display on the living room floor.--]



Past--

[-- Pendleton knew why she was there-- To spy on his family. His children entered the room, yipping and tumbling, still excited from their day at the Aquarium. He bit his bottom lip, glancing from the growing ruckus to the stoic detective. He asked, "Can I offer you a cup of coffee, Detective Choudary?"



She shook her head . "No, Thank you." A faint grin came to her mouth as she watched the rambunctious display on the living room floor.--]





Notice that in the above example, the narrative seems much more factual and sure of itself in the past tense. All of the actions seem more immediate, since the past tense literally 'just happened.'



Not that I'm suggesting your choice is wrong... I just want you to be aware that tense and apparent immediacy can be contradictory. Past doesn’t necessarily connote more than a microsecond ago, which can be much more immediate than the present in the mind of the reader.



Writing is hard



Enough from me already, right? You did ask for constructive criticism



Great update, great story, great characters, and lots of interesting stuff on the way, I’m sure.



-SQ

Edited by: StrangeQuark at: 10/4/04 12:51 pm

[justin]

That was a great update



what I like about this story is the well rounded characters you've got. For instance there's Annabel's father. At first I was a bit put off by the way he was talking to Hunter, but then it occurred to me he was just worried about Annabel. Though his comment about the country being over run by immigrants suggests he isn't the most open minded of people.



Riley seems like an interesting character. It'll be interesting to see how the other "socials" react to her.



Looking forward to more

A good story should provoke discussion, debate, argument...and the occasional bar fight. -JMS

[little miss 666]

Alrighty, juuuusstt letting you know that you have successfully hooked me onto this story.



*claps* snaps for you dude, that aint easy to do in two chapters!



Riley's character has so much potential for this story! I can't wait to get into it!! YAY! hehehehe





- Bellie

[beautifultrgdy]

I'm sorry it is taking so long every one! My computer was eaten by a virus and I'm still rebuilding, you know?



I promise and update super soon. The next few days at the most. Thank you for being patient.

Jessica

Adia I'm empty since you left me...

[beautifultrgdy]

Good Morning Cats and Kittens! Here's that update I said would be coming!



        Twitching under the bright light of the sun that seems to find its way to her face even with the curtains drawn, Riley mumbles incoherently. Her face is a mix of pleasure and innocence as she sleeps through the morning. The covers that surround her are unnecessary, but comforting. Her long dark hair frames her angelic face as her eyes move to the beat of her dream.

       

Jarring the beautiful girl from her sleep is a matronly voice, “Riley Maria Teresa Fernandez, I want you out of that bed and into a shower in the next five minutes or so help the me, the Virgin won’t be able to save your tan behind!” The loud rapping on her door accents the harshness of the spoken words. Heaving a sigh, Riley swings her lightly browned legs out of her small bed and stands up, her feet meeting with rough carpet and mounds of clothing.



“I’m up,” she hollers, her voice thick with sleep and edging on hoarse. She makes her way to the bathroom off of the bedroom, walking blind. Acting on instinct she makes it through some sort of a morning ritual. When she abandons her room twenty minutes later fully dressed, the woman is standing there, hands on her hips.



“Màte,” the woman says with a hint of reproach present, “Girls like you cannot afford to be late on exam days. The scholarship will expire.” Her face softens and she adds, “Hurry on to school, dear. I know you’ll do fine.”



Riley smiles, “Thank you Tià, have a good day.” With a quick kiss on her Aunt’s cheek, Riley is grabbing her bag and out the door. It’s a twenty-minute walk to St. Peter’s, but she doesn’t mind. The exercise is good for the Latina. On days when the weather is not quite as hot, Riley will run the whole way to the school.



She arrives at the old brick building with barely a few minutes to spare. She hurries through the classic corridors and dashes madly up three flights of stairs and into her class just as the last bell sounds, announcing the beginning of the period.



“You will have exactly one hour and forty-four minutes to complete this exam,” the teacher says in her monotonous drawl, her eyes never lifting from the novel positioned in her hands. Riley helps herself to a copy of the exam, sitting down in the desk nearest to the door. “You may begin,” the teacher tells her students, “And buenas suerte.”



Riley grins, confidant in her capability to pass the Spanish exam. Having grown up among the Latin community her whole life, it would be quite the shame if the girl did not pass it with flying colours.



Not a full hour into the allotted interval, Riley is finished with her exam. Walking over to the teacher she whispers, “I hate to interrupt the book, Ms. Perez, but I’m finished.”



Ms. Perez looks up from her novel and takes Riley’s packet, “I hope it wasn’t too easy for you, senorita Fernandez.” Riley just grins and Ms. Perez sighs, “My class was never challenging for you, senorita. Why did you take it?”



Riley shrugs, “Can I head on down to the art room?” Her big brown eyes turning to pleading puppy dog ones.



Ms. Perez nods, “I don’t see the harm.” With that said, Riley is off, sweeping her things up as she leaves the room. Mutters of restless students behind her do not go unnoticed; she turns and offers the multitude of white students a wide smile saying, “Hasta!”



The death stares she receives are well worth it.



*************



        The only place in the big fancy school Riley seems comfortable at is the art room. No weird state-of-the-art equipment in there hindering the learning experience; just normal art supplies.



Each student has his or her own cubby and some of the older, better, art students have their own section of the floor. Riley’s chosen place of work is secluded from the others in a small alcove in the back of the room.



The kids at the school are not her type of people, and she is most definitely not theirs. Two years ago she came here hoping to lead a normal, better life than what she had before, but instead she just blended in with the background.



Even in the art room where she knew she was queen, Riley was still invisible. She could look around at the faces of the other so called ‘art-students’ and wonder how they even passed this class. Art was supposed to be something of beauty that required creativity and yes, even talent. As far as Riley could tell, these kids did not have talent.



The students at St. Peter’s all have rich and famous lives. Each and every one of them was born with a silver spoon attached to their ass, and it drives Riley crazy. There were approximately five scholarship students throughout the academy, and Riley was one of them.



The other four or so spend their days clinging to each other like their world would fall apart if they were alone. Sadly, this makes them an easy target for the snobs and the Socials to pick at. Riley knew it was better to be a loner than to be put forward for torture by associating herself with her fellow poor kids.



It didn’t help that most of the scholarship kids were white either. The minority population of St. Peter’s was also sorely lacking. There might be three or four Hispanics in the system and those were rough and rowdy boys who thought they belonged to a gang. The ‘rich boy talk a lot of trash’ kind of gang. The African-Americans that attend St. Peter’s are what Riley calls Oreo’s; black on the outside, but white on the inside. Their fathers became Stock-Market millionaire’s or the government gave them a break and viola – instant snobs.



There is a fairly high number of Asian students but they like to keep to themselves; outsiders of the culture are rarely allowed in. Not that Riley had ever tried to infiltrate any of the groups at school. She has all she needs to lead a productive life; in her eyes at least.



So, during school, Riley was pretty much a loner. She ate by herself at lunch and when she wasn’t in class, she was in the art room hidden away in her little corner.



********

       

        Riley looks over at the clock and begins packing up her art supplies. She feels the pang of sadness wash over her as she realizes that another school year is gone and that she wouldn’t have any place to paint over the summer.



“Oh, Ry,” a sing-song voice calls out to her from across the room.



Riley’s face lights up as she recognizes the voice of her one friend at school, Miss India Deganassi, art teacher. She turns expectantly and the teacher does not disappoint her. “I have the greatest news for you, Riley,” India tells her.



Riley smiles and asks, “Yeah? Shoot it to me, India.”



India is nearly jumping for joy when she announces, “I got you enrolled in an art program over the summer”



Riley slowly nods, “Okay, what does this mean? More importantly, how much does it cost?”



India shakes her head, “That’s just it! I got a letter from the university a few weeks ago and it told me to select four of my best students and submit them for review. Two of them were picked; you and another girl, it’s totally free.” India holds out a packet of information and Riley unbelievingly takes it.



“You’re serious?” Riley’s cynical attitude shining through. She raises her eyebrows and India nods. “Gracias,” Riley announces as she hugs her teacher, grateful beyond belief. “I was just thinking about how sad my summer was going to be when I couldn’t paint.”



India grins, “Now you don’t have to worry about it, Honey. Just show that director at NYU what you can do.”



Riley nods, “I’ll do the best I can, India.” She returns to packing up her stuff, and India helps her. After a minute Riley asks, “Who was the other one?”



“Who?” India is distractedly packing brushes in their respective cases.



“You said two of us were picked from St. Peter’s. Who else?” Riley gently reminds the absentminded woman.



India nods, “Ah, I remember. Annie Stevens is the other student.”



Riley shrugs thinking, ‘sounds familiar.’



India continues, “You wouldn’t know her, really. She’s quiet and hardly ever says a word to anyone in my class. She’s never in school and she takes all AP classes when she does show up. She’s the queen of those snotty rich kids.”



Riley’s eyebrows shoot up, “She sounds… interesting.” India snorts and Riley asks, “If you don’t like her why did you submit her?”



India shrugs, “It’s not that I don’t like her, I just don’t like everything she stands for. And I submitted her because she is one of the most talented students I have ever seen in my life.” Riley opens her mouth to ask another question but India answers her before it is out, “Yes, Riley, she’s as good as you.”



Riley blushes, embarrassed. She hurriedly finishes packing up all of her stuff. India announces, “I have some final projects to grade. Yours being top on the list, can you see yourself out, Riley?”



Riley smiles, “Sure thing India. I’ll see you around?” India nods and disappears to her office. Once Riley is finished packing up her corner, she stands back and stares at the bare wall and cubby thinking, ‘How depressing. It looks so lonely.’ Fortunately, the bell rings and her alone time with the depressing wall is ended.



Before she leaves the room, however, she wanders into the office to say one last thing to India. “Hey,” she calls out softly, not wanting to startle the teacher, “Can I know what you think of my project?”



India looks up and smiles, “Yeah, I guess I can let you know early.” India stands up and meets Riley at her large abstract painting. “I gave you a 98 for an overall average, Riley.”



Riley is stunned, “A 98? I mean, you never give out anything higher than a ninety India.”



India smiles, “I had two extraordinary students that caused me to break my rules this year.”



Riley grins widely, ”Did you really think it was that good?”



India nods, “On yeah, babe. It moved me and you know I don’t even like abstract art.” Riley beams with self-satisfaction and happiness and India offers, “I’m proud to have you as a student Riley.”



Just then, a knock sounds at the office door and India calls out, “It’s open.” The door slowly opens and Annabel walks in as quiet as she can.



“I’m s-sorry to bother you Miss Deganassi,” Annabel begins. She sees Riley standing there and her face breaks into a smile as she says shyly, “Hello…”



‘Whoa,’ Riley thinks, ‘I didn’t expect the Social to actually show up here at school. Much less in my art room.’ She finds herself returning the smile and feeling a small tug at her heart as she says, “Social!”



Annabel blushes slightly at the nickname but continues smiling. India raises her eyebrows, “Yes, Miss Stevens? I believe you wanted something.”



Annabel nods and tells her, “I j-just w-wanted permission to g-gather my things.”



India waves her hand, “Of course, Annie. You don’t have to ask.”



Annabel blushes again and mumbles, “S-sorry.”



Riley grins at her and asks, “Want some help, Social?”



Annabel bites her lower lip for a second before saying, “I would like that.”



Riley grins, “I can be an excellent helper.”



She turns to leave but India calls her back, “Oh, Annie, wait.” Annabel turns around and India says, “Want to know your final grade?” Annabel nods, her nervousness showing. India waves her over near Riley’s painting and pulls a canvas out from behind another. Riley’s eyes widen as she stares at the picture, the swirls and splotches telling a story.



“Damn,” Riley breathes, “That’s yours Social?”



India answers for Annabel, “Yes, this is hers. One of the best paintings I have ever seen by a student, Annie. I had to give you a 98; I wanted to give you a perfect score, but it might not seem fair to the other students.”



Riley turns to look at Annabel, her eyes roaming thoughtfully. ‘Hmm, maybe the Social has some depth to her after all. She certainly doesn’t lack in beauty, but now it seems she has talent, too. Damn, I’m in trouble.’ She smiles as she notices the blonde meet her eyes.



Annabel blushes deeply when she becomes aware of Riley staring at her, “I should g-g-get m-my things.” India waves her hand in dismissal.



Riley gently loops her arm in Annabel's and says, “Come on, Social, let’s get your stuff.” Annabel opens her mouth to protest but Riley cuts her off saying, “It will go twice as fast with twice as many people.”



In no time at all of Annabel's brushes, pieces of art, and junk in placed in a tote bag and ready to go. Annabel quietly thanks Riley for her help, unsure of where to go next. Riley nods slowly, “Well, I guess I’ll see you around, Social. We’re both taking those classes at NYU, right?”



Annabel's face breaks out of its shy spell and she excitedly asks, “You? Really?”



Riley nods, “The one and only.”



Annabel squeals happily for a second and bursts out, “Yes!” Her arms move seemingly involuntarily into an impromptu, somewhat spastic dance.



Riley cannot help herself, she laughs happily at Annabel's random display of emotion. “Excited much?”



Annabel blushes deeply and mumbles quietly, “S-s-sorry.” She picks up her medium sized duffel bag and before she can embarrass herself further tries to leave the room.



Riley catches her arm and says, “Hey, I thought it was cute.” She offers the blonde a small smile.



Annabel blushes a little, but doesn’t rush off. “Are you h-hungry,” she asks Riley softly.



Riley grins and rubs her stomach saying, “I’m starved.”



Annabel holds her hand out, surprising Riley, and asks, “Would you l-like to go to l-lunch with m-me?”



Riley’s heart beats a little faster as a familiar flutter worms its way across her insides. She takes the hand with a huge smile saying, “I’d completely love that.” She pauses before adding, “That is, if you can be seen with me, Social.”



She begins walking, letting go of Riley’s hand to loop her arm with the other girl’s. Riley feels somewhat saddened at this loss of closeness. Annabel frowns, “Why wouldn’t I be seen with you?”



Riley raises her eyebrows, “I’m a scholarship kid here at St. Peter’s. You treat us like we’re lepers. Fat, smelly lepers.”



Annabel slowly shakes her head, “I don’t. I s-see nothing wrong with getting a scholarship here – if anything, it proves that you deserve it m-more. Half the kids who go here were only admitted because of their m-money.” Annabel sighs, “I hate the politics of our s-society.” Riley smirks causing Annabel to ask, “What?”



Riley responds, “All this from the Queen Bee?” Annabel shoots her a questioning glance as they continue down the abandoned hallway in search of the front door. Riley explains, “Everyone says that you rule them. Annie Stevens, feared sovereign of the Socials.”



Annabel quietly laughs, and Riley can detect a hint of sadness. “Is that what they s-s-say? I’m the queen?” She shakes her head and whispers, “Woe is me, how the mighty have fallen.”



Riley starts to question her, but the blonde grabs her hand tightly and rushes off into the nearest open door; which so happens to be a very, very small closet. Slamming the Latina against the wall, Annabel pushes her body as close to Riley’s as possible in order for the door behind her to shut. Riley can feel her pulse quicken and her head swim as she breathes in the smell of Annabel. “Mmm,” she whispers out only to find her mouth met with Annabel's hand.



“Shh,” Annabel tells her sternly, “The p-p-point of hiding is to n-n-not be found.” Riley wordlessly nods as she positions her body to allow Annabel more room, consequently pulling Annabel even closer to her.



Riley smiles as Annabel takes her hand away from her mouth and is overjoyed when the blonde returns it. Their faces are merely inches apart and Riley is allowed to study Annabel in earnest; she notices Annabel has a small freckle under her right eyebrow just above the eyelid. Riley subconsciously reaches up to touch it, causing Annabel to draw back. “Sorry,” Riley whispers as she puts her hand back down.



Annabel gnaws on her lower lip, her head cocked in thought.



‘I’d give anything to know what she is thinking,’ Riley thinks as her heart flutters. Riley groans mentally, ‘Here I go, falling for the Social. What is wrong with me? She’s straight, I’m sure of it. This is only leading me… Damn it.” Annabel has let her head rest on Riley's shoulder and Riley stops her train of thought for a split second. Only for that splitsecond though. Soon thoughts and visions of taking Annabel's head in her hands and bringing those rose tinted lips to her own glossy ones danced in her mind.



‘Okay, this is it. No more of this!’ Riley tells herself quickly, ‘This is absurd. No falling for the straight girl.



She takes a deep breath to settle herself and thinks, ‘Damn. Why does she have to smell so good?’ Once again her thoughts are taken over by the kissing monster. ‘Stop that right this instant Riley Maria Teresa Fernandez! No falling for this girl.’



Annabel raises her head and Riley notices for the first time the tears in her eyes. “I’m s-sorry,” Annabel whispers out, “Y-you must think I’m the w-weirdest girl.”



Riley's heart melts as she thinks, ‘Yep, just fell for the girl.’ She clears her throat and asks, “Why are you crying Social? You’re not weird to me.”



Annabel shakes her head in disbelief, “I sh-shoved you into a janitor’s broom closet, Riley. How is that n-not weird?”



Riley tries to come up with an answer but falls short. Instead she says, “Did you have a reason?” When Annabel opens her mouth to explain Riley tells her, “How about you divulge this great piece of information over that lunch we’ve been talking about. My treat since you started crying.”



Annabel begins to protest but Riley places a finger over her lips, “Don’t argue with a Latina, Social. You will never win.” Annabel smiles in surrender and whispers, “The coast is c-clear by now. We c-can go.”



Riley reaches behind Annabel and opens the door saying, “Lead the way, Blondie.”



**********





Adios!

[StrangeQuark]

I like Riley in this—not so much as a person (at this point,) but as a solid character-- with lots of room for growth, development, and conflict. She’s very angry and put-upon on the inside, yet she’s very peachy on the outside… An interesting mix. Perhaps Annabel will lead Riley toward better self-realization. That would be a touching development.



The social strata—



You’re doing a good thing in this-- You’re using relative statements and comparison in order to define Riley’s social status. We learn of her place in her own ‘voice’ and we get to see a cross-section of the school in the telling. One suggestion: Try to keep the comparison ordered and structured. Something like:



[--“And where did she belong? Not with the other four so-and-sos. She had nothing in common with them other than her heritage. Not with the such-and-suchs. Their clique was too exclusive, existing far outside common society already. Nor with the what’s-their-names. Those snobs would never suffer the indignity of her company, which she did not want anyway. She had no stories of Winter break in Aspen or Summer in the Hamptons to flash-around the way they always seemed to...”--]



Notice that there’s a rhythm to this—Why not A? Because A won’t work. Why not B? Here’s why B won’t work. Why not C? C is right-out… etc.



That form can be used to express all the same things, just with a very orderly, near-poetic rhythm that will enhance story-flow and idea-penetration. Again, just a thought.



Plot—



I like the way that you’ve formally introduced us to Riley. We follow her through her day, and get a lot of opportunities to see what makes her ‘tick.’ The ‘other girl’ that India spoke of… I saw it coming, but it was welcome, and the interaction between Annabel and Riley was interesting—especially with the undercurrent of hostility toward Annabel by both Riley and India. Not that they hate her, but they do seem to share resentment for the student stratum into which she was born. Outside, their words are playful, teasing, but as we saw earlier, inside, there’s a bit of solidity to the disdain that they’re mock-teasing her with. That’s a powerful, interesting balance in-play. I like.



So much stuff going on beneath the surfaces of the characters here… Well done!



-SQ

[ken doll]

Hey Mami! I'm glad this is what you decided to use. T-rex would be proud to read it, girl. I know she's smiling from heaven at you. Do her proud, write the truth.



the ken doll loves you

ken doll

[Kieli]

I have to say, I regret not finding this earlier because it's a gem. It's rare to see gay latina characters in any fic nowadays and you've given us a very layered, intelligent woman. Aside from some grammatical things you might want to take care of, it's excellent. Looking forward to more.



Cheers!

Toni

Time flies by when the Devil drives.
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

[beautifultrgdy]

An Update is cominh rather soon guys. I've turned this into my NaNoWriMo project, so expect crap and be surprised if it's not.



Thanks Ken for sweet words, I didn't know you were reading. I'm glad you are though.



Kieli, thanks for the words, too. The gay latina has always been an interest of mine, since I love them so much. I hope get the point across all right. Take care.



SQ, as always your input means the world to me. I will always keep it in mind and when I go to edit and make it all better come December I'll make the changes you suggested. You are a great great person for helping me as much as you do. God Bless:

Jessica

Adia I'm empty since you left me...

[beautifultrgdy]

Well, NanOWriMo... That's all I have to say... Can't ait for November to be over...





Here it goes



******



Annabel lightly picks up her fork, bringing the bite of salad to her mouth. Riley watches as Annabel carefully chews and swallows her food, showing off her impeccable table manners. She catches the brunette looking at her and blushes, “Th-thank you for l-lunch,” Annabel whispers shyly.



Riley smiles winningly and tells her, “It’s my pleasure, Social.” She winks playfully as she adds, “I’m just lucky a beautiful girl you said yes to someone like me.”



Annabel blushes even deeper but without missing a beat says, “I can’t think of someone I’d r-rather be eating with.” Off of Riley’s amused look Annabel feels the need to explain herself further by telling the Latina, “I th-think you are a genuinely i-interesting person, R-riley. I’m l-looking forward to kn-knowing you better.”



Riley decides to continue teasing the blonde, “What, and risk losing your elevated status as Empress Annie?”



Annabel's face darkens, as she says quickly, “Don’t call m-me that. I mean, don’t c-call m-m-me Annie.”



Riley raises her hands in a show of helplessness, “Backing away slowly, hands in the air. I, um, I didn’t realize that calling you by your name would upset you as much as it apparently did, Social.” She crooks one eyebrow in thought, ‘This girl is a lot more complicated than I thought.’



Annabel's face softens as she explains, “My name is Annabel. E-everyone calls me Annie; at least, the people who don’t know me call me by th-that nickname. I’m n-not the person they s-see me as. I n-never have been; they j-just see what they want to see in me. ‘Annie’ is who I am to them, not who I am in r–r-reality. Please don’t see me like they do, Riley. I desperately need s-s-someone to see me as I am.”



Riley’s heart pounds in her chest and she can hear her blood rushing in her ears as her train of thought wrecks against a mountain emotions. Without thinking she reaches over and takes Annabel's hand in hers and gives it a little squeeze as she whispers, “I see you how you truly are…” She takes a deep breath debating whether or not to continue. She feels encouraged off of Annabel's now grateful look and adds softly, “And what I see is beautiful.”



Annabel looks into Riley’s eyes, seeing honesty shining through those honey, caramel orbs and lowers her gaze; the contact proves too powerful for the severely shy blonde. Riley does not remove her hold, but rubs her thumb across the back of Annabel's hand. “Th-thank you,” Annabel whispers as she blushes, her face threatening to turn a ghastly shade of tomato red.



The Latina finally removes her hand from Annabel's thinking, ‘This girl must think I’m loco the way I keep coming on to her.’



Annabel's lower lip juts out as Riley’s hand leaves hers but she pulls it back in quickly. She offers Riley a small smile, hoping for one in return. She is not disappointed and her small smile grows, “I, um, y-you have a beautiful s-smile,” she whispers shyly.



Riley raises her eyebrows slightly, ‘Huh, who would have thought it.’ She looks down at her empty plate and the over to Annabel's half-empty but untouched plate and asks, ”Ready to get out of here, Social?”



Annabel slowly nods, “Yeah.” Riley jumps up and offers her arm to Annabel, leading the blonde out of the restaurant.



*********



        “Annabel?” Riley calls softly, detecting the astonishment flashing across Annabel's face. The blonde’s eyes widen in wonder and a genuine smile spreads across her face bringing out dimples long hidden from view in her snowy cheeks. Riley’s raises her eyebrow and asks, “What?” Annabel blushes as they continue walking down the crowded street, arms linked. She shakes her head in refusal to answer but Riley prods her, “Why did you look so surprised, Social?”



Annabel finds her voice and replies shyly, “You said my n-n-name.”



Riley’s grin widens as she exclaims playfully, “That’s the reason your face lit up?” Off of Annabel's nod Riley tells her, “Well, I shall have to do that again and again if it makes you smile like that.” Annabel blushes again, turning her face downward so that Riley cannot see the deepened red colour sparking her cheeks.



However, her ploy is unwarranted because Riley has noticed the blush and made a mental note of how cute Annabel is when she blushes. Instead of calling her on it, however, Riley asks, “Where to now Madam? Am I taking you home?” She tightens her hold, ever-so-gently, on Annabel's arm, pulling Annabel's small body up against her own as a huge man waddles past, nearly bowling the tiny girl over.



When Annabel recovers from her near death experience, she does not remove herself from the closeness of Riley, instead she pushes herself a little closer. Riley does not mind, she is glad for the comfort and the physical warmth of the bond. In answer to Riley’s question Annabel shrugs, “I’m u-up for whatever y-you’re up f-for, Riley.” Her smile is small, yet honest.



Riley glances at her watch and sighs. ‘Three hours of hanging out with the Social. Who would have guessed either of us would last this long?’ After another few moments, “Would you like to come with me on some errands I need to run,” Riley asks Annabel casually, expecting the blonde to be ready to her any second now.



Annabel's face lights up at the invitation, “You mean y-you aren’t d-dying to g-get rid of m-me yet?” When Riley shakes her head Annabel smiles yet again, her dimples flashing their sincerity at Riley as loud as trumpets to the Queen.



‘She looks genuinely happy to be spending time with me,’ Riley thinks as she watches the reaction of Annabel's face. Without thinking, she hails a cab saying, “I’ve got the perfect place to show you, Social.”



**************



        “D-do you kn-now where we are,” Annabel asks nervously as the taxi turns down yet another seedy street. Her green eyes look wildly around, taking in sights obviously never seen before.



Riley grins, “Yeah, I know where we are, Social. I’m not going to rob you or get you shot; you’re in good hands when you’re with me. Just trust me, all right?” She looks over at Annabel expectantly.



Annabel bites her lower lip for a second before saying shyly, “I d-do.”



Riley asks in return, “You do what?”



“Trust you,” Annabel replies, her pink blush starting to creep up again. She is surprised when she feels Riley’s hand brush against the cotton of her very short school skirt. She jerks her head up to look at Riley, but the brunette is looking out the window, deep in thought. ‘Did she mean to do that,’ Annabel asks herself quietly.



She shakes the thought from her head and begins considering Riley's outfit. “Why is your skirt so long,” Annabel asks suddenly jarring Riley from her thoughts.



Riley looks at Annabel is surprise, “Um, I bought it this length?”



Annabel frowns, “S-sorry. It’s j-just that, we all b-bought our sk-skirts in the s-sixth grade, and they have g-gotten shorter. I j-just wondered why y-yours w-were so long.” She thinks as she is speaking, ‘Stupid! Stupid! Way to go Annabel! Why are you such an idiot?!’



Riley grins, “Well, I’m glad that you all decided not to waste that billions of dollars you guys have on new skirts. It certainly makes for great eye candy.” Annabel's face heats up as she sees Riley’s eyes trail down her legs appreciatively.



‘Why is this so… Nice?’ Annabel sighs as she continues thinking, ‘I’ve had guys check me out before, why is this so different? Why do I like it so much more?’ Annabel shakes her head, ‘No ma’am. This stops right now.’



Riley grins as the cab pulls to a halt, “We’re here Social, don’t be scared.” As she turns to help Annabel out of the taxi, she sees the blonde quickly pay the driver. “I could have paid the fare, Social.”



Annabel shrugs, “It’s n-not a b-big d-deal, Riley. You bought lunch, I paid f-f-for the adventure. F-fair is fair.” She bites her lower lip waiting for a response.



Riley melts and nods saying, “All right, you’ve won this battle Social.” She gestures to a sign saying, ‘Pegasus,’ and asks, “What do you think?”



Feeling playful Annabel asks, “You aren’t going to d-d-drug me and I’ll wake up in a b-bathtub with no kidneys are y-you?” She grins widely to show that she is just teasing and Riley laughs.



“No, it’s a used record store, Social. Everyone has to like music, even a Queen Socialite like you.” She grabs Annabel's hand and leads her into the store.



The tinkling of the bell is the first thing to hit her as she walks through the door. The next thing is the comforting scent. “Mmm,” Annabel murmurs, “Sage and honey.” She already feels at home in thins strange and unusual place. The posters on the wall look to be ancient. Way older than she could imagine rock posters to be.



“Hey Rambo,” a grating voice calls, belonging to one of the most disturbing girls Annabel has ever seen. She lets her mouth drop open a little and she shrinks back as this girl walks up to them. The three rings in her lip are intimidating; as are the two in her nose and all six on her eyebrows. The all over tattoos do not help make her any less scary. “Hey crew,” the girl yells loudly, “Riley’s here!”



A boy with half of his head shaved in a white button up shirt comes our from behind a stack of old records. As he walks closer Annabel can see that he is not nearly as done up the girl, but still frightening. From behind the counter a girl with spiked-up green hair saunters over, bringing with her a twin that has pink hair instead of green.



“Hey guys,” Riley says in greeting, “I was looking-.”



The green-haired girl cuts her off, “Who’s your… friend, Rambo?”



Annabel's eyes widen as she realizes that she is about to brought into this world that she is not sure she wants to be a part of. She feels Riley squeeze her hand softly before dropping it to say, “Guys this is Social.” Riley turns to Annabel and gestures to the pair and says, “That guy right here is Malachi and the girl with red hair is Kaymen, the pink hair is Juliana and the green hair is Katharine. Mally, Kaye, Jules and Katie for short.”



Annabel remembers her manners even in the face of evil, “It’s a p-p-pleasure to meet you all.” She holds her hand out to be shaken and smiles widely.



No one reacts well to this at all. “Riight,” Kaye says, dragging out the vowel sound. She rolls her eyes and turns to Riley, “Where’d you pick this chick up at?”



Riley scoffs loudly, “Shut your mouth, puta, she’s a sight better than you ever thought you were.”



Katie jumps in saying, “What? Now we’re whores? That fancy school has messed with your head, Rambo.” Jules nods her agreement.



Annabel lowers her hand, feeling foolish for offering it. She prays that no one will notice just how bad she is shaking.



Malachi does, however, notice the shakes. He is overcome with a wave of sympathy and holds his hand out speaking gently, “Hey, it’s nice to meet you, Social.” Annabel gladly takes his offered hand, some of her nervousness floating away. He nudges Kaye, “Isn’t it?”



Kaye shakes her head, refusing to cave to the will of the majority, “Whatever.” She looks at Riley, “I can’t believe you, Rambo!” Her eyes narrow angrily at the Latina and she runs a hand through her pixie cut, dark red, nearly black hair. “I mean, what the hell!?”



Malachi grabs Annabel's elbow, “Come with me, dear. I’ll show you some of the best stuff we have here at Pegasus.”



Riley opens her mouth to protest but Annabel smiles gratefully, “That s-s-sounds good.” She bites her lip and quietly tells Riley, “C-come get m-me when you’re ready to g-go?” When she sees Riley’s short, aggravated nod Annabel leaves the doorway with Malachi.



Malachi smiles warmly, “So, Social, do you have a real name?”



Annabel nods shyly and tells him, “Annabel.”



He grins, “Pretty name, dear.” He pauses before saying, “You’ve caused a lot of drama by coming here with Riley.”



Annabel frowns, “I, um, I d-don’t see h-how, Malachi.”



He laughs, “I guess you wouldn’t. Besides, call me Mally, everyone does.” He takes Annabel on a small tour of the store saying, “This is the ten cent tour, for an extra five cents I can show you the spot that the cool kids like to stick their boogers.”



Annabel laughs, glad to have made a friend in this hostile environment. “And for another ten c-cents I can put m-my own booger there?”



Mally laughs with her, “I guess, just don’t let the girls see you, they’d tear you to pieces Annabel.” He points to he left, “The newer stuff goes over here, like CD’s and stuff. The older stuff, like 45’s and your standard LP’s go on this side of the store,” the second part he motions to his right.



Annabel smiles and Mally tells her, “How about I help you find something while the girls up there have their little hissing contest.”



Annabel nods, “I w-would be g-grateful.”



Malachi says warmly, “You are a very nice girl, Annabel. I’m glad Riley brought you, even if the others aren’t.”



Annabel thanks him quietly before asking, “Why is it s-s-such a b-big deal?”



Malachi cocks his eyebrow, “Honey, you don’t know?” When Annabel shakes her head he says, “Oh, well, I’ll tell you while we look for that CD of yours.”



*************

Jessica

Adia I'm empty since you left me...

[Kieli]

Ugh I've decided that the really good writers do such small updates to kill me. Cuz now I have a TON of questions that need answering (wow! Puta?? That was harsh I see a fight coming on b/c that there is a fightin' word if I ever saw one) So PLEASE don't leave us hangin', mija. You've got me hooked.

Time flies by when the Devil drives.
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

[beautifultrgdy]

Kieli - any questions you have feel free to write me and ask. I'm so glad you're liking and very glad you caught my spanish. I might be a gringa, but if you hang out with teh Latina population long enough, you pick up their slang.



Here's that update - don't hate it!



“Just where do you get off Riley,” Kaye asks angrily. Riley turns to her friends for support. Katie crosses her arms in front of her chest and Jules nods half-heartedly. “That girl hates us. She’s everything we fight against and you bring her here to our place?” Kaye takes a deep breath before starting off again, “I mean, damn girl. I knew you had more sense than that. Now, what is she doing here?”



Riley rolls her eyes, “What are you even talking about, Kaye?” She stares defiantly at the leader of the girls. “I didn’t bring Annabel here to piss you off, even though it did and I don’t know why. She’s cool and I wanted to show her the store, get off me.”



Kaye shakes her head and angrily tells Riley, “She’s not of our world, Rambo! She’s one of THEM. Remember that, Rambo? She’s one of them, those that hurt us. Those that shove us down and rule over us heavy-handed. That girl doesn’t see kids like us when she opens her eyes! Can’t you see that? Or are you too blind by that pretty face and those defined curves?”



Riley cannot believe her ears, “How dare you pull that bullshit on me, Kaye! Do you even hear yourself?” Katie jumps in, “I ask you the same question, Rambo! How long have you known this Social and you’ve already decided to defend her.”



Riley freezes for a second thinking, ‘She’s right… sort of. I just met this girl…’ Her thoughts are interrupted by the sound of Annabel's laugh. A sound that causes her cheeks to blush and her stomach to grow fuzzy feelings. She snaps back to reality saying, “Who died and made it ‘attack Riley day’?”



Kaye quickly tells her, “No one’s attacking you; we’re just concerned that our friend is being a dick and is trying to get herself in trouble.”



Riley is thrown for a loop, ‘I just wanted to buy a damn CD!’ She shakes her head, ‘Man, these guys are acting like idiots. Katie, Kaye… Maybe even Jules.’ She looks to Jules for help, her last resort before she bails on her friends, “Jules, c’mon, babe. You know these guys are freakin’ out over nothing; give the Social a shot, she’s got more going on than you think.”



Jules clears her throat, ”Emily is supposed to stop by, you shouldn’t be here when she does. Take the girl with you.”



Riley reacts like she’s been slapped in the face, “Jules? Is that how it is now? I can’t believe this.” She shakes her head sadly, “Man, you guys talk about them judging us, but have you looked in the mirror lately?”



She moves to walk past the small wall of girls but Kaye stops her, “Why did you come here, Rambo?”



Riley sighs in exasperation, “I just came for a damn CD; that’s all, Kaye. Mally has it on hold for me and I’ll grab it and go.”



Riley brushes past the girls and heads toward the sound of Mally’s voice accompanied by Annabel's less familiar one. “Mal, I’ve been kicked out, could you be a good queer bear and ring up my CD for me?” She smiles thinly at Annabel and tells her loud enough for her friends at the front to hear, “I’m so sorry for this, Social.”



Annabel nods, her eyes wide and innocent, “I’m s-s-sorry to cause trouble.”



Riley shakes her head and grabs Annabel's hand as they walk to the counter, “You aren’t any trouble at all, Beautiful.” Annabel blushes and Riley squeezes her hand before dropping it.



“Why do you c-c-call me that,” Annabel quietly asks as they wait for Malachi to scan the CD.



Riley winks at her, “Because you are.” She hands Malachi a twenty and tells him, “I owe you the change anyway, Mally. Maybe you’ll come by some day?” She grabs her bag from him.



“You girls be careful now,” Mally replies, “I’ll surely come over if you bring this sweet blonde, Rambo. She’s a keeper, no matter what Kaye says.”



Annabel blushes and tells him, “It was n-n-nice to m-meet you.” He grins back at her and Riley softly guides her out of the store.



“We’d better disappear before the claws come back out, Social.” Riley moves to open the door for Annabel, never seeing the semi-Social walking in.



Annabel accidentally bumps her and says, “I’m s-s-s-sorry, excuse m-me.”



The girl scoffs and rolls her eyes, moving swiftly into the store. She stops dead in her tracks when she sees Riley. After a second of staring opened mouthed, “Hey.”



Riley nods, “Hey. I was just leaving, Emily.” She places her hand on the small of Annabel's back and gently pushes the blonde once again out the door. Riley casts one last look over her shoulder before the door swings shut.



**********



        “Who the hell was that,” Emily asks Jules who is walking up to her. She shakes her head, “Riley really hanging out with that kind of girl?”



Jules rolls her eyes, “You know it doesn’t matter Emily.” She shakes her head, trying to figure out whose side she is on.



Emily turns to Kaye and asks, “Who was she?”



Kaye replies, “Some Social Riley picked up at school and decided to take on a field trip. No one worth mentioning again.”



Emily laughs bitterly, “I was there, Kaye. I saw how she touched that social, how she looked at her. Don’t play games with me.”



Jules interjects, “As far as we know, there isn’t anything between them.” She pauses before adding, “And my gay-dar didn’t go off.”



Mally laughs loudly from further back, “Honey, then it is very much broken. Annabel is almost as gay as I am!”



Emily raises her eyebrows, “Annabel? The Social has a name?”



Kaye holds her hands up, “Not to my knowledge.”



Emily nods, “Keep it that way.”



All bow down to the queen.



**********





        ‘What was that all about,’ Annabel thinks to herself as she allows Riley to lead down the street, walking past loads of strange people. Riley angrily brushes past the people around her. Annabel bites her lip, afraid to ask Riley what has got her so upset.



Suddenly Riley turns to face Annabel, “I’m so sorry for that. I didn’t know they would act like that.”



Annabel shakes her head, “D-don’t be s-sorry. I w-wish I didn’t cause trouble.” She lowers her head, embarrassed.



Riley reaches out and caresses Annabel's cheek, “No, Beautiful. No trouble at all.” She takes her hand back and tells Annabel, “Those girls were just being putas, is all.”



Annabel frowns, “I um, I’m not f-familiar w-with S-spanish.” She laughs at Riley’s shocked face.



“What? Did you take something else for your foreign language?” Riley is truly interested.



Annabel nods, “French. It’s h-hard with m-my stutters though.”



Riley speaks before thinking, “Your stutters make you extremely hot.” As soon as the words are out of her mouth Riley’s heart flutters wildly. ‘Did I just say that,’ she thinks.



Annabel's mouth opens slightly as she thinks, ‘Did she just say that?’



For the first time Riley blushes and Annabel is quick to notice it. ‘I want to spend more time with her,’ Annabel thinks unexpectedly. “C-could you t-teach me Spanish?”



Riley looks away from the window and smiles, “I could teach you a lot of things.”



Annabel, feeling brave whispers, “I’d l-love to learn.” For once, she doesn’t immediately hide her face from the Latina, she keeps her gaze true and unwavering.



Riley raises her eyebrows, thinking, ‘Is she hitting on me?’ After a second, ‘God I hope so!’



Annabel looks down at her designer watch and sighs, “I should g-g-get back to my apartment.”



Riley nods, “Of course, Social. I’ll see you around?”



Annabel bites her lip, “How a-about tomorrow? C-c-could I see you tomorrow?”



Riley smiles, “Anything your heart desires.”



Annabel takes a pen from her bag and writes down her cell phone number on Riley's hand saying, “Call me if you w-w-want.”



Riley sees Annabel to her cab, “Oh, I’ll be calling you.” She winks as she closes the door thinking, ‘Holy Potatoes, YES! I so just got her number, I am the smoothest.’



Without reguard for those around her, she does her happy dance.



*******

Jessica

Adia I'm empty since you left me...

[StrangeQuark]

The updates are great! I, like all readers, like conflict. You've put plenty in here. Your first update -- starts with a salad -- KILLED me with adverbs (Kieli id killed by short updates-- for me, it's adverbs-- We're strange Kittens, huh?), but it was a fun and rewarding read overall. In the second update, the prose was much leaner and more focused. The tension between Riley and her friends is great. Putting Annabel at the center of that conflict is a natural and powerful character-test. Well done.



I like the undercurrents of this romantic tale... Class envy, bigotry, language barriers, economic differences, cultural clashes. You're trying and succeeding to say a lot in this, and for that, I applaud you.



The inner thoughts of the characters--



You're probably doing the right thing in this. Your POV has shifted to third-person omni, allowing us equal and impartial access to everyone's thoughts. This is a good narrative tactic, and you really found your omni-voice by the end of the first update. Maybe it was the multi-character scene that forced you to back out of the main character's heads a little and hover around them instead. Whatever the reason, it seems to be a style that suits this story much better than the third-person limited which you started-off with.



Great updates. Great story. Deep story. Looking forward to more!



-SQ

[DarkChild]

I love this. It's simply wonderful. I love the interaction between Riley and Annabel.



Update soon and often.

---

"Death cannot stop true love. It can only delay it." The Princess Bride



*****



BeastBoy: She thinks I'm funny.



Raven:Statistically, I suppose, somebody has to.

[justin]

This is a great story



When Annabel started seeing Riley I had assumed that it would be Riley who experienced prejudice from Annabel's friends yet the opposite has happened and it's Annabel who's having to face the prejudice.



I wonder how Riley's friends know that Annabel hates them when they don't even know her.



Though we've yet to see how the other socials will react when they meet Riley. This has all the makings of a Romeo and Juliet style story, though hopefully with a happier ending.



Looking forward to more

--

Homer Simpson: When will people learn, democracy just doesn't work.

[beautifultrgdy]

Justin - thank you for reading. My idea is to have conflict on both sides of the spectrum, but it was more at home to write Riley's friends not liking Annabel because I have been there. Sadly, I'm the Social whose girlfriend's friends did not like her. It is very much Romeo and Juliet. I even plan to use some shakespeare quotes.



I would just like to add a note to everyone who offered me constructive critisims. YOu guys are the best! I am grateful to each and everyone on you and would love some more if you have it. I'm trying to edit and still keep writing, so it is kind of hard, but working out all right. Not too much stress right now.





Update!!!











Once alone, Annabel thinks about her conversation with Malachi.



‘Those girls are just jealous that Riley has a new girl,’ Mally had said to her.



Annabel had raised her eyebrows in response and asked, ‘Me?’ After Mally had nodded Annabel asked, ‘Like a g-g-girlfriend, g-girl? Because I’m n-n-n-not.’ Her face blushed a deep deep red.



Mally laughed, ‘I don’t suppose titles are all that important, but I see the way she looks at you. Hell, if I had the mind of the boy I am, I’d be all over you like white on rice. But I’m about as gay they get, honey. We have to stick together you know?’



Annabel had blushed even further and she started to protest what Malachi was suggesting about her and Riley but he stopped her, ‘Let’s talk about music…’



Annabel smiles at the memory. Malachi had told her all of Riley’s favorite artists and she found out that the two actually had a lot in common. She lets her thoughts wander around Riley, the beautiful tint of her skin. Riley’s dark hair and soft lips… ‘Wait, how do I know her lips are soft,’ Annabel asks herself during the mini-day dream.



Annabel snaps back to reality as her cell phone rings. “Hello,” She says, answering it quickly.



“Where are you, babe,” Torii’s voice comes across the line, “We’ve been looking everywhere for you.”



Annabel sighs, “I’m in a c-c-cab g-going home.”



Torii relays the message top the others apparently with her and tells Annie, “Change course and meet us for coffee and dinner.”



Annabel commands the cab driver to take her to a new address and she is on her way to meet her friends. Once at the small coffee shop she steadies herself for a long night. She walks into the shop, her mask falling back into place.



“H-hey,” she calls out, greeting her friends cheerfully.



“It’s about time, Annie,” Kelly tells her playfully, “I looked for you after Calculus, but you had disappeared.”



Annabel shrugs, “I, um, h-had to g-get my art s-stuff,” she gestures to her duffel and offers them an innocent smile.



Torii rolls her eyes, “Yeah, and that took you four hours?”



Annabel shook her head, “I decided t-t-to go look for s-some music afterwards. N-needed some t-time to myself.” She sits down with her two best friends, hoping they decide to leave it alone.



“Oh. My. God,” Kelly breathes as she eyes a tall boy with blonde curly hair walking by.



Torii elbows her, “He’s mine, Kel. You have Mikey-boy.” Annabel watches her friend with an amused look on her face. Torii moves from the table and toward the boy. As she follows him Annabel notices him walking toward a girl with a smile on her face.



She whips out her phone and quickly text messages Torii saying, ‘Abort! GF at 2:00!’ Torii reads it and frowns, walking coolly past the couple and toward the bathrooms. When she is out of sight, Kelly giggles happily.



Annabel joins her and when Torii walks out of the bathroom they both point at her. “Brick,” Kelly hollers out for the whole place to hear and Torii walks up to her with a fake smile on her face.



Kelly sighs and takes Torii’s cup, “I’ll get you some more coffee if you wipe that look off your face.” Torii’s face turns instantly natural.



She blows a kiss at Kelly’s retreating form and calls out, “Thanks Doll!” Torii turns to Annabel, “thanks for saving me.”



Annabel shrugs, “Well, you h-hate making a fool of y-yourself.” She picks up Kelly’s drink and takes a small sip, grimacing as she does. “Why do you two drink this stuff?”



Torii laughs quietly, “I know you hate it, Annie.” When she sees Kelly walking back she grins, “I’ll go and get you some water.”



Annabel protests, “I can get it myself, Tor. I’m not helpless, you know?”



Torii waves her down, “I know you aren’t helpless, Annie… but I also know to figure out where you’ve been and who you’ve been with, I need to butter you up some!” She winks and saunters off to the counter. Annabel shakes her head at Torii’s honesty.



Kelly passes Torii and asks, “Where to?” Torii smiles but doesn’t answer, so Kelly must ask Annabel when she sits back down. “And she went where?”



Annabel shrugs, “To get me some water. A-apparently, she w-w-wants to know where I’ve been.” Annabel looks down at her fingernails, picking at the cuticle. “We need to get manicures,” she whispers to Kelly, a tid bit distracted.



Kelly nods in agreement. “What about tomorrow? Finals are done with and we have complete freedom. Your art classes don’t start for another week, Annie.” She offers her blonde friend a big smile, “Unless you have plans with some mysterious boy that you blew us off for after Calculus today.”



Annabel blushes, but laughs loudly, her whole face lighting up. “No, Kel. No boys that I am d-d-ditching you for.”



“Are you sure? I haven’t seen you this smiley in a while.” Kelly nudges Annabel with her foot.



Annabel shakes her head, “N-no guy, I swear it.”



Kelly rolls her eyes, “C’mon. Best friends forever, Annie! Who’s the dish?” Annabel doesn’t respond. “Who were you with,” kelly asks, prodding.



Annabel narrows her eyes, “No guy!” Kelly starts to add something but Annabel tells her, “No more questions. Drop it Kelly.” Kelly wordlessly nods.



Torii shows up right behind Annabel and asks, “We hungry, ladies?” Kelly smiles gratefully.



Annabel nods, “We certainly are.”





***********





“Dammit,” Riley says as she chunks her bag down on the ground. She rips the note off of the door and thrusts it open. “Tia,” she yells out. Her aunt appears in the hallway. “Did Kaye come inside when she stopped by?”



The woman shakes her head, “I didn’t even know she was here, Mate.” Riley nods and crumples the note, grabbing her bag from the doorway and jerking it in. “What is the matter?”



Riley shrugs and mutters, “Nothing Rosa.” She lets her bag fall to the floor as she stalks off to her bedroom.



“Now, don’t you walk away from me like that,” Rosa yells after her. Riley stops in her tracks and waits for Rosa to say something. “What did Kaye say in her note?”



Riley rolls her eyes, “Nothing much. She’s just being cranky at me is all.”



Rosa walks towards Riley offering a compassionate smile, “That still doesn’t answer my question.”



Riley uncrumples the note and tells Rosa, “She wrote: When you decide to come back to our world, give me a call. Until then, have fun playing make-believe.” Riley makes a face and flings the piece of paper across the room angrily.



Rosa’s eyes grow wide, “Playing make-believe? You want to tell me what that means, chica?” She gestures to the couch and Riley sits down.



“It’s absolutely ridiculous is what it is, Tia!” She begins talking with her hands, her emotions animating her. “I just made a new friend from school, and I had brought her to the music store. She was with me and Mally had the CD that I wanted on hold for me and…” Her voice trails off and she looks sheepishly at her aunt. “It might have been a bad idea to bring the Social there but I thinks she’s different from the others.”



Rosa nods, trying to comprehend. “A Social? You tried to bring one of them into our world?”



Riley groans, “Just because she has money doesn’t make her a bad person, Tia! So what if she probably has a thousand Jimmy Choos that cost more than our apartment! So what if she spends her weekends going to benefits that we could never think about going to because the tables cost a thousand dollars! You always told me to not judge a book by it’s cover and while Annabel might look like a Social on the outside she’s not like the others on the inside.”



Rosa frowns as she looks down at her niece. “How is she like?”



Riley smiles, “She’s amazing! She has the cutest little nose and stunning white blonde hair. She is shy and quiet and she paints just as well as I do. We had lunch together after finals today and it was very comfortable.”



Rosa laughs at Riley’s enthusiasm. “Calm down, dear! I’m sure this girl is all that and more, but you really must stop bouncing.” She reaches over and points at Riley’s hand. “She gave you her number?”



Riley beams proudly, “Yes ma’am! We’re going out again tomorrow.”



Rosa nods, “I get to meet her?” When Riley rolls her eyes Rosa continues, “She might not be the type of girl I want you hanging around with Riley. She might be a bad influence if she’s the Social you make her out to be.”



Riley sighs softly, “You’ll love her, Tia.”



**********



It was well after midnight before Annabel got home from dinner with Torii and Kelly. She is just climbing into bed when she feels her phone buzz slightly. She looked down at it wondering who could be sending her a text message so late at night.



‘Call me when you wake up in the morning. Riley.’



Annabel grins as she pushes send twice, her instinct is to call Riley now. When a surprised Latina answers the phone Annabel tells her, “Guess who.”



“Social,” Riley says, a smile evident in her voice. “I didn’t think you would be up.”



Annabel chuckles softly, “I j-just got in from dinner with K-kelly.” She can not help but be glad to talk to Riley.



Riley teases her, “Kelly, huh? She someone.. close to you?”



Annabel doesn’t take the bait and informs Riley, “Kelly has been my best friend since first grade! Torii was there, too, and I’ve been friends with her since we were three.”



Riley thinks for a second and asks, “Torii van Masters and Kelly Worthinghouse?”



Annabel nods, even though Riley can’t see her, then she rolls her eyes and replies, “The very same. Why? Do you know them?” After a beat when Riley hasn’t answered, Annabel tells her, “It’s all right. There is n-n-nothing I haven’t heard about us.”



Riley sighs, “I’ve heard of them, you know? Annie Stevens, Torii van Masters, and Kelly Worthinghouse. You guys are legendary and pretty much loved and hated by the same people.”



Annabel laughs, “I know, right? I’m s-s-sure that I’m e-evil or s-something. I guess that’s why I have s-so many friends.”



Riley quickly tells her, “You have me, don’t you?”



Annabel blushes as she feels a small warmth come across her stomach. “I certainly do.” She tries to hide the yawn coming from her mouth, but is unsuccessful. Her head is starting to hurt her and she realizes that she hasn’t taken her medicine for the night. “It’s past my bedtime, Riley,” she whispers softly, not really wanting to go.



Riley lets out a quiet, mimicking yawn. “Mine, too, Social. Call me when you get up and going. We’ll make some kind of plans, okay?”



Annabel sighs happily, “Sho’ ‘nuff!”



Riley raises her eyebrows, “When did you learn to speak ebonics?”



Annabel teases her, “There are many things you don’t know about me Miss Fernandez.”



“Goodnight, bonita,” Riley tells her. “I look forward to figuring out all your secrets.”



Annabel blushes. She whispers almost inaudible, “Goodnight.” When she has disconnected her vocal cords work again and she continues, “And I look forward to telling you.”





*************

[Kieli]

I swear you people are killing me with all of these short updates I'm a novel kinda gal! You have me chomping at the bit for their first date so dang it all get crackin'! LOL



It's a nice segue but I see fireworks in the offing. Have I told you how West Side Story-ish this piece is?

We kissed for hours, wrapped around each other in the dirt, immersed in the heady, religious world of deep sex.
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

[beautifultrgdy]

I'm sorry for the short updates, but my life allows me to write in spurts. I hope that a super quick second update will make up for it? Doubtful, but I'm trying to please you, Kieli.







updateness!



********



        Annabel rolls over, her arms raising high over her head as she stretches. Unconsciously, she smiles as her thoughts drift toward what might happen today. She casts a glance at the clock before deciding that a shower is definitely on the list of upcoming activities. She lets out a small groan as she stops stretching and swings her legs out of the warm bed.



After she is through showering and pulling her clothes on, a knock sounds at the door. “Come in,” she calls out, her top more than half way buttoned.



“You look nice today,” Helen’s voice comments from behind Annabel. The woman walks up and helps Annabel fasten her necklace asking, “Do you have plans with someone?”



Annabel shrugs slightly, “Not really, Helen.” She offers the woman a shy smile and tells her, “Thank you.”



Helen nods, “I was just asking because your blouse and skirt are very dressy. I thought maybe Jesse was taking you out for lunch?” The woman tugs at Annabel's green and blue spastic striped, silk, button up shirt that goes well with the ruffled black skirt that comes down about three inches above her knees.



Annabel shakes her head, “No ma’am. I m-might meet my friends and g-go shopping later?” She eyes the woman curiously. “Why?”



Helen shrugs, “No reason.” She turns to leave but pauses at the doorway. “Since you don’t have plans, could you take Hunter with you when you leave? Torii and Kelly just adore him, and won’t mind if he tags along.”



Annabel frowns, “Of course I can t-t-take him. Are you going s-somewhere?” Just then Hunter rushes by the door his toy airplane in his hand. The noise he is making could be described as an engine noise, but it is more loud and annoying than anything else.



“He’s full of energy today, and I just can’t take it anymore,” Helen tells her honestly.



“We’re is D-dad,” Annabel asks her, becoming annoyed once again with her stepmother.



“He flew out this morning for some business in LA.”



Annabel nods, “I’ll take the munchkin, Helen.” She shakes her head and mumbles, “He could have at least told me he was leaving so soon.”



Helen sighs, “He promised to make it up to you, although I don’t know why. You are very ungrateful for everything he does for you.”



Annabel looks at Helen, “I’m n-n-not in the m-mood for this, Helen. We can f-fight some other time.” She brushes past the woman and calls out down the hall, “Hey MONSTER! We’re leaving!”



Hunter comes running up behind her, “Where are we going Annie?” He latches onto her side for a second before breaking off. “I love you.”



Annabel smiles, “I love you, too, kiddo.” She sees that Hunter is wearing a sweater and slacks. She leads him back to his room. “Lets get you into some play clothes, okay?”



Hunter’s blue eyes widen. “Are we going to the park?” When Annabel nods he hugs her again. “Really?” Annabel smiles at him and pulls out an old shirt and jeans.



“Get dressed before I change my mind,” Annabel teases him. While Hunter is changing clothes she calls Riley. “Good Morning,” she says, smiling into her phone.



Riley has been waiting for this call for what seems like an eternity. “Hey, Social! You just now waking up?”



Annabel laughs as she looks at Hunter’s clock. “I wish I could sleep until eleven. I’ve been up for a while, but I called when I was r-r-ready to leave my place.” She pauses before saying, “My plans have changed slightly, though.”



Riley tries to keep the disappointment out of her voice when she replies, “Oh, that’s cool, Social.”



Annabel can still hear the disappointment and it makes her feel weird, but in a good way. “W-would you m-mind if my little brother hung o-out with us today?”



Riley's jaw drops a little, “You mean, you still want to do something?”



Annabel laughs, “Of course! My stepmom just wants a break from Hunter. I thought we could hang out at the park for a while and then, maybe go shopping?”



Riley grins, “Whatever your heart desires, Social. You want to meet at the park, or me to come by and pick you up?”



Annabel sees that Hunter is almost dressed and tells Riley, “We’ll meet you there, okay? Same p-p-place we were l-last time.” She helps Hunter up off the floor and leads him out of the apartment.



Riley grabs her jacket, “I’m already there.” She disconnects and bounces excitedly out of the door calling a hasty goodbye to her aunt. “Be back soon!”



*************



        “I can’t meet you at B-Bergdorf’s,” Annabel says into her phone as she watches Hunter go running straight for the slide. “Why,” she repeats. “Because I’m at the part with Hunter.” She shakes her head, “No, I’m not being p-punished. I promised him we’d go. It’s fine, really. We’ll g-go shopping some other time, I promise.” She feels a pair of hand squeeze her side and she jumps, letting out a small squeal. “Eeeh!” She whirls around to see Riley with a very amused look on her face. “No, I’m fine Tor. Just saw a b-b-bug. Yeah, we’ll make plans for tomorrow. Toodles.”



Riley smiles and places a quick kiss on Annabel's cheek, “Hola, Princess.” She doesn’t hear Annabel's blushing response because Hunter runs up and nearly tackles her at the knees.



“You actually came?” He is excited and begins pulling her off to the swings. “Annie gets tired ‘cause she’s sickly, but I bet you can swing with me!”



Annabel smiles as she watches Riley being pulled helplessly. She follows behind them and sighs as Riley sits down in the swing next to Hunter and pushes off. “Remember what I taught you,” Annabel calls out to him and her smile grows as Hunter gets moving all on his own.



“I’m doing it,” he squeals, looking over at Riley. “See? Annie showed me the last time we were here.”



Riley nods, “You’re doing great, little guy.” She flashes a smile at Annabel and mouths, ‘He’s a cutie!’ Annabel grins at her new friend and finds herself sitting in the swing next to Riley. When she doesn’t start swinging, Riley asks, “What’s the matter, Social? Afraid that your skirt will fly up and show off your frilly panties?”



Annabel teases her, “You look at my panties often?”



Riley blushes deeply and stammers, “Um, no. I haven’t been – wait. You were teasing me.”



Annabel nods and tells Riley, “I’m just comfortable sitting here.”



Riley considers that the truth and continues swinging, going higher and higher with each thrust. Hunter slows down and tells the girls, “I’m gonna go play on the jungle gym.”



Annabel calls after him, “Be careful!”



Riley smiles as she watches Annabel sitting next to her. After a minute she asks the blonde, “When you were little did you come to the park a lot?” When Annabel nods Riley continues, “Did you swing?”



Annabel shrugs, “Every little kid swings, right?”



Riley grins, “Something like that.” She pushes extra hard and flies that much higher. “Well, did you ever jump out when you reached the top?”



Annabel shakes her head, “Never. I was too scared.” After a beat, “What about you?”



Riley laughs, “I was scared of nothing when I was younger. I knew that no matter what came along, I could face it and beat it.”



Annabel grins, “I wish I could have been more like that.” She keeps her eyes on Riley, watching the beautiful girl float back and forth in front of her. “Are you still as f-fearless?”



Riley blushes a little and quietly tells Annabel, “No.”



Annabel debates whether or not to push the issue, and her curiosity wins. “What are you scared of?”



Riley shakes looks back at Annabel their eyes meeting briefly. “You.” Annabel's eyes widen as she stares at the girl swinging in front of her.



She whispers too low for Riley to hear, “You scare me, too.”



Riley calls out, “Should I jump?” Without waiting for a response Riley lets go of the swing with her hands and sores into the sky. Annabel jumps up, frightened that Riley will hurt herself. “Be careful,” she yells, too late to stop Riley.



Riley lands on her feet, a little out of breath. She smiles as she turns back to face Annabel. “Swinging is kind of like life, Princess. Sometimes you just have to jump, even if you’re scared. Because, you know that if you stay in that swing for another second you’ll be stuck there… and who wants to be stuck in a swing that isn’t going anywhere?” Riley sighs, mad at her philosophical side for coming out.



Annabel bites her lower lip before whispering, “Can you teach me?” Riley cocks her head at Annabel, unsure of what to say. Annabel continues, “I don’t want to be stuck, Riley. Teach me to jump?”



Riley offers Annabel a winning smile, “I’ll teach you anything you want to learn.”



**********



        “Where to now, kid?” Riley reaches over and messes with Hunter’s hair. She smiles at Annabel sitting on Hunter’s other side on the bench before returning her attention to the boy.



He smiles, “I’m not going home?” Riley looks to Annabel who shakes her head and she does the same. “We can do what I want?”



Annabel gives Hunter a small kiss on the top of his head, “We sure can, Hunter.” She looks at Riley and mouths, ‘Thank you.’



Riley shrugs, “I like they guy, what can I say?”



Hunter blushes and asks Riley, “You like me?”



Riley tells him, “I most certainly do.”



The little boy beams and tugs at Annabel's sleeve, “She likes me!”



Annabel laughs at his enthusiasm. “Where are we going?” She looks at her cell phone and announces, “It is nearly 2 o’clock.”



Hunter frowns, “What can we do?” He looks at Riley, “What do you wanna do?”



Riley shrugs, “Whatever you want to do, Bud.” She smiles as the child wrinkles his forehead in thought. “Don’t hurt yourself tryin’ to think,” she tells him, playfully.



He looks up at Annabel and asks, “Is that why your head hurts so much, Annie? ‘Cause you’re thinking too hard?”



Annabel shakes her head, “No, Hunter. I don’t think that’s it.”



He nods, “Okay. Maybe we should ask Uncle Keith about it?”



Annabel smiles, “Next time I go, I’ll be sure to ask him for you.” Riley is lost and casts a questioning glance at Annabel who ignores it. “How about a movie,” the blonde suggests to move the conversation along.



Hunter smiles, “My pick?”



Annabel looks at Riley who nods and tells him, “Go for it, Hunter. I’ll watch whatever you want to watch.” Annabel stands up, tugging Hunter along with her. Riley moves to take the boy’s other hand and tells the two, “I’ll get us a cab.”



“Picture of the happy family,” a Brooklyn voice calls out as they begin departing. Riley turns around and sees a man with a camera pointed their way.



“No thank y--.” Riley starts to protest, but Annabel stopped her.



“We’d love one!” She scooped Hunter up in her arms and moved closer to Riley.



“This guy is just ripping us off,” Riley mutters to Annabel who ignores her.



“Say cheese on three. One. Two. Three.”



A chorus of “Cheese” erupts from Annabel and Hunter.” Riley reluctantly adds, “Cheese.”



The man snaps the picture and within seconds the picture floats out of the camera. Annabel smiles and steps up to him, setting Hunter down. “That’ll be 5 bucks, lady.”



Annabel smiles kindly and hands the man a twenty. “Keep the change, all right?” She takes the photo from him and places a kind hand on his arm. “And thanks.”



“Man,” Riley comments when Annabel returns to her and Hunter. “Why’d you give him a twenty? It’s not even a good picture.”



Annabel shrugs, “He’s just trying to make a living so he can eat, Riley.” She looks down at the picture which has finally developed. “And I think it’s a very good picture.”



Hunter tugs at her arm, “I wanna see!” Annabel hands him the picture and he smiles. “Can I keep it?” Annabel nods and they begin walking to the sidewalk.



Riley is still worried about how naive Annabel seems. “Sometimes you are just too nice, Social. One of these days you’re going to be nice to the wrong person and they’ll take advantage of you.”



Annabel is feeling feisty and asks Riley, “What if I want to be taken advantage of?” Riley raises her eyebrows and is about to respond when Hunter chimes in.



“What does ‘taken advantage of mean’?”



Annabel frowns and tries to explain to him. “Well, it can mean a lot of things, but m-m-mostly it means that when you are nice to s-someone they make you be nice to them and they are mean to you.”



Hunter frowns, “Why would you want someone to be mean to you?”



Annabel sighs, “I didn’t mean it like that, Hunter.”



Riley touches her elbow softly, “How did you mean it?” Annabel shakes her head and tries to send to Riley, ‘Not now!’ Unfortunately her telepathic powers are nonexistent so she settles for hailing them a cab.



************

[Kieli]

I didn't mean to upset you, BT. I'm just jonesing for decent writing...it's so hard to find these days. You might want to go back and reread some of this...just a few spelling errors here and there.



I love the way we get to see more interaction between Riley and Annabel. I thought it was pretty funny that the photographer assumed that Hunter, Riley and Annabel were a "family". It's an interesting touch. Helen is getting on my nerves in the WORST way....but stepparents tend to do that sometime.



Don't mind me, write at your own pace, dear. I love what you're doing and am eager to keep reading.



Cheers!

T.

We kissed for hours, wrapped around each other in the dirt, immersed in the heady, religious world of deep sex.
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

[StrangeQuark]

I like this. The characters have great and distinct personalities. Their voices are becoming clearer and more familiar too. The story is a great romance, chocked-full of the right elements. Your delivery could use a little polish (couldn't all of ours, really?) but it's getting less-and-less in the way of the story as your writing progresses.



-----Specific nitpicks:



[-- She might not be the type of girl I want you hanging around with Riley. She might be a bad influence if she’s the Social you make her out to be. --]



I'd like to know what Tia ^really^ meant by this. Socials are all into club-drugs and debauchery? They worship houseplants? Riley probably knows why, but I as the reader couldn't help but wonder what would make a Social a worse influence than anyone else...

Maybe Riley could counter with something like: "She's not like the rest. She doesn't even know how to worship a houseplant for Pete's sake." ...Then, the reader would be clearer as to the motive behind the conflict. Just a thought.



[-- It was well after midnight before Annabel got home from dinner with Torii and Kelly. She is just climbing into bed when she feels her phone buzz slightly. She looked down at it wondering who could be sending her a text message so late at night. --]



Watch out for tense-shift. WAS and IS and then LOOKED in the same paragraph.



[-- The woman tugs at Annabel's green and blue spastic striped, silk, button up shirt that goes well with the ruffled black skirt that comes down about three inches above her knees. --]



That's a very strange action/description sentence-thingey. Try to avoid those. If your character is performing an action, they're doing it for a reason-- in this case to be playful, make contact. The action is obliterated by the other 80% of the sentence... plus, I think it may be a split infinitive. Try to keep the action and description both smooth and balanced. This is much easier to do with a well-defined point of view-- either omni or limited.



Omni--



Helen nods. “I was just asking because your blouse and skirt are very dressy. I thought maybe Jesse was taking you out for lunch?” she asks, concluding her question with a playful tug at the hem of Annabel's shirt. It is green and blue spastic striped, silk, button up shirt. It goes well with the ruffled black skirt that comes down about three inches above Annabel's knees.



Limited--



Helen nods and asks, “I was just asking because your blouse and skirt are very dressy. I thought maybe Jesse was taking you out for lunch?” She gives Annabel's shirt a playful tug, punctuating the end of her question.



Annabel reconsiders her clothing-- A green and blue spastic striped, silk, button up shirt. It goes well with her favorite ruffled black skirt, the that comes down about three inches above her knees. She shakes her head and says, "No ma’am. I m-might meet my friends and g-go shopping later?”





See the difference? I hope so. It's important.



Overall, you're making the right choices, showing what we need to see, and omitting that which we don't-- The hallmark of good storytelling.



Plot questions:



What happened to Annabel's headaches? Maybe there's a dark-haired, soft-lipped cure? Or has the cause for them been removed and we haven't been told yet... Interesting possibilities.



Riley seems to be protective of Annabel. Nothing wrong with that at all, but could you be setting us up for a situation where the reverse will be necessary? Again, and interesting possibility.



Obviously, the girls get along handsomely. The parents and friends are going to be the source of all covert and overt conflict, sparing the possibility of a little tiff here or there. How are they going to react once Riley and Annabel's situation is more readily apparent? I can't wait to find out.



Great story. Keep it up!

[beautifultrgdy]

Well, thanks for all of the lovely input guys. In fact I've tried that wacky past tense thing, let me know how it works out.



Yet Another Installment:



        Riley woke to the sound of footsteps in the hallway and a loud banging on the door. “Turn that thing OFF, Mate!” She opened her eyes and saw her cousin Martin standing in the doorway, anger flashing in his eyes.



“What?” Riley asked, her mouth thick with sleep. He pointed over her and then she heard the alarm clock. Her muscled arm reached out and slapped the clock. “Thanks,” she murmured. Martin angrily slammed her door and she shook her head. “Grumpy bastard.” She made her way over to her shower and climbed in, the warm water waking her more than any cup of coffee would.



As she was making the decision on what to wear, her cell phone started ringing. She thought it was one of her friends and answered the phone, “Make it quick, I’m cold and naked.” A blush crawled onto her dark skin as she heard a familiar voice.



“S-s-sorry. I j-just wanted… never mind.” Annabel was nervous enough as it is calling the girl without that news startling her. She moved to hang up, but Riley’s voice stopped her.



“Social? Wait! I was just kidding.” Riley laughed in embarrassment. “What’s shakin’?”



Annabel laughed with her. “Nothing. D-did you want to meet for breakfast?” When Riley didn’t say anything right away, Annabel began explaining herself. “I mean, c-class isn’t until n-nine and it’s j-just eight now.”



Riley stopped the words coming form Annabel's mouth with, “I’d love to, Social! Where? I like Plabonos down 126th.”



Annabel frowned. “O-okay…”



Riley laughed, “I swing by and get you, then we’ll decided where to eat breakfast. Sound fair?”



Annabel's apprehension vanished and she told her new friend, “Sounds fair.”



Riley ended the call and made a quick scan of her closet. She pulled out a pair of clothes that she used for painting and sprinted downstairs to get a cab.

**********



        “So, you’ve never had a Spanish breakfast before?” Riley teased Annabel as they sat down outside with their coffee and donuts.



Annabel shook her head. “N-never.” She smiled, happy to be spending time with Riley again. She hadn’t seen her for a couple of days. Not since the day with Hunter, but they had talked nearly every night for a week on the phone.



“You’ll have to eat at my place one day then. I make a great Spanish omelet.” Riley leaned forward and took a drink of her coffee through the straw. She was flirting strongly with Annabel, and knew it.



Annabel giggled a little. “You’d make one f-for me?” She crossed her legs under the table and her toes grazed Riley’s leg.



Riley shrugged. “I’d do anything for a beautiful girl.” Her lazy grin was calculated to make it seem like she was relaxed and at ease talking with Annabel, when in reality, she was walking on a bed of coals.



“A b-beautiful girl, or me?” Annabel teased, drinking from her coffee.



Riley’s eyebrows rose and she replied, “Aren’t they one and the same?” She was surprised that Annabel had given her such a good response. She had the Social pegged as ‘no questions asked s-t-r-a-i-g-h-t.’



Annabel laughed. “Oo, smooth talker. That honey mouth of yours is going to g-get you into trouble one of these d-days.”



Feeling bold and encouraged by Annabel's playfulness, Riley told her, “I’d do anything to get into trouble with you.”



Annabel opened her mouth to respond, fiery the only word to describe her personality, but her phone began beeping loudly. “Class.” Riley nodded and stood up, holding her arm out to Annabel. Annabel took the offer and together they walked to the street and hailed a cab.



************



        “This is not your Art History course. There are no quizzes on the works of Monet or da Vinci. I won’t ask you to know the time periods of said artists or ask you to write a report on modern abstract art. I just want you to paint. You will learn impressionistic traits, abstract traits. We will do landscaping, portraits, and abstract. Your life will not be changed by this course, but hopefully your art will.” Riley tried to make eye contact with Annabel, but the blonde was busy setting up her work station.



She took this time to scan the room. The professor looked to be about forty, with a balding head and a beer gut. He wore faded tennis shoes with his patched suit. The other students were typical. There were men, boys, women and girls of all ages. Some short, others tall. Riley listened to the professor drone on.



“You are all talented artists, or you wouldn’t be taking this class. Some of you are more talented than others. All that I ask is that we not be critical of some other work. I will be grading each finished project based on your own capabilities. For instance,” he looks down at a clipboard in his hand. “I would not give… Amy Masser a lower grade than… Annabel Stevens just because Amy’s painting is mediocre while Annabel's is spectacular.”



Annabel's face turned a deep tomato red. She busied herself setting up her colours. Riley felt proud for her, knowing that Annabel would never allow herself something like pride. Riley was so caught up staring at Annabel that when the professor dismissed the students to leave and think of an impressionistic idea to start working on, she didn’t hear him. It was only after Annabel made eye contact with her that she snapped out of her trance. “Huh?”



Annabel laughed. “You’re such a s-space cadet!” She tugged on Riley’s faded T-shirt with paint strokes haphazardly on it and said. “Entertain me a while. Let’s go shopping!”



Riley couldn’t do anything but nod her head. It was then she realized if Annabel commanded it, she would give her the world.



**********





        “Jesus,” Annabel murmured as she walked to the front door. “Don’t decent people sleep in on Saturdays?” She directed her question to her father who was standing in the kitchen looking after her with a grin.



“You know Helen – always something to raise money on.” He shook his head in mock-sadness. The Saturday morning brunches were something of a legend in the Steven’s household. Enough so that Annabel knew to be up and dressed by nine thirty every Saturday.



She was smiling at her father as she answered the door and didn’t notice her friends were the ones interrupting Saturday morning peace. “Annie! You are so kidnapped,” Kelly announced as she threw her arms around Annabel. Annabel opened her mouth to protest, but a pair of strong hands grabbed her waist and heaved her onto their shoulders. Kelly waved at Luke and shut the door after them.



“Guys, put me down,” Annabel told them sternly, a smile playing out across her face. Mike laughed as he bounced her along the hallway. “C’mon. Y-you h-have to!” When she was still on his shoulders in the lobby, Annabel stopped struggling. Her body became limp and she let her dead weight hold Mike down.



“So, how psyched are you?” Kelly grinned as she pinched Annabel's arm playfully. “I mean, we finally got tickets!”



Annabel looked at Kelly, her face upside down because of Mike and asked, “Tickets?” Off of Kelly’s look she realized that she should know what they were talking about, but didn’t. “Kelly, please don’t be m-m-mad at me.”



The girl sighed. “Annie, if you would be around more, you would know!”



Annabel gave a smile apologetic smile as she was bounced around. “Kel. I’ve b-b-been taking classes for the last week or so. Can you really blame me?” What she didn’t voice is that her classes only lasted two hours, and that for the rest of the time she was spending time with Riley. She didn’t tell her friends that she had been shopping with a scholarship kid. She didn’t tell Kelly that she had been to see two movies with Riley. She didn’t tell Mike that she had been to the park with Riley and fed the ducks with her. She knew she should say something, but couldn’t. And that made her ashamed of herself.



Annabel’s body was grateful when Mike finally set her down and Kelly hugged her.



“I guess I can forgive you. It’s not like you were really blowing us off.” She smiled and kept on walking. “Torii is meeting us at Grand Central Station in half. We’re gonna get Luce and meet her there.”



Annabel frowned but didn’t comment on that. Instead she asked, “What are the tickets for?”



Mike bumped into her and laughed, “Hailstone. You know, the band you’ve been dying to see for a year now.” He grinned over at her as she looked at him gaping. “I know the question. How did we get tickets?” He put his arm around her and said, “It pays to know people… or in our case to know people who know people.”



Kelly gave his sentence meaning. “Lucy’s mom got us the tickets. Which is why we are on our way to pick up Lucy.”



Annabel understood at once, “Oh. Her mom w-works for Arista,” the world made sense again. Lucy’s Mother, Mrs. Handsercamp, worked as an agent for Arista Records. There was no other explanation for Lucy coming along on the group’s outings. Lucy was an annoying brat and no one could really stand her for more than a few hours. No one except Jesse.



“Is J-Jesse going?” Annabel looked up at the apartment complex that Lucy lived in, hoping that Mike would say yes.



“Sure. He’s with Torii.” Mike grinned at her. “Why? You miss him?”



Annabel laughed, a real joyful laugh. “No, I just wanted someone to save me from Lucy.” Mike looked puzzled but thought it better not to say anything.



“Annie! Kelly!” The grating voice was already too much to handle. Annabel thought she was going to give up on the concert and go back home, but one look from Mike and she knew that wasn’t an option.



“Lucy, darling. I’m so glad to see you,” Kelly said through gritted teeth. She embraced the girl and they exchanged cheek kisses. Then it was Annabel's turn.



“It has been s-so long,” Annabel murmured into Lucy’s dull brown hair.



“Oh my god, yeah! Where have you been? I’ve like, called you twice this week, but your phone was ‘unavailable’. That only happens when you’re like, far away.” Lucy bounced as she hugged Annabel, making her a little seasick.



Annabel gave a shrug, “I don’t know what to tell you. Except I’m psyched about this concert.”



Lucy nodded. “Totally. Mom was like, ‘You better love me for this it took me an arm and a leg to get it.’ And I just told her that she shouldn’t have done it, but I’ll take them since she did.”



Annabel could already feel her brain turning to mush. She tried to busy herself with getting them a cab to Grand Central Station, but it seemed an easy task. Two cabs stopped when she held her delicate hand in the air and stood purposefully.



“Oh my god. I just can’t wait. Hailstone! I mean, finally. It’s been ages since a good band played upstate, right guys?” Lucy turned to Kelly and Mike for approval.



Mike grunted as he pushed his friends into the cab. “Yep, let’s get there, though.”



***********



        Annabel led the way as she walked up to the ticket booth. Lucy’s voice came calling out over her, “It’s under my Mom’s name, Annie!” She rolled her eyes and spoke the name into the booth. Six tickets came out of the slot. She passed them out to her friends and they made their way into the crowded arena. They let Kelly and Torii get in front with Annabel right behind them and with those three leading them, they wormed their way right to the front.



“I can’t believe we’re so close,” Kelly screamed over the roar of the crowd.



Annabel nodded at her, “It’s great!” She started moving to the music that was playing over the speakers. The opening band wasn’t that bad. She was dancing with her friends when she caught a glimpse of a familiar person.



She didn’t think twice about it after that band was gone and Hailstone announced it was next. The scream of the crowd was deafening. Annabel was really getting into it, as were her friends. She began jumping when the first fast song started, the whole crowd jumping with her. She screamed until her voice cracked and Kelly laughed at her.



Jesse produced a coke bottle, and it started making the rounds between them. Annabel took a gulp, and it burned her throat the whole way down. She began coughing. “God! What is that,” she yelled in his ear. From his grin she figured it was booze, and made a mental note not to drink anymore.



Kelly, Torii and Lucy drank enough to turn into stumbling idiots by the time the fourth song was playing. Annabel found that it was no longer fun to dance with people who can’t tell the difference between your foot and the ground. She began making her way away from them, and she was standing with a new group of people, dancing and laughing when someone bumped into her, knocking her to the ground.



“Oops!” Small hands helped her up and she was face to face with Riley. “Social,” Riley yelled surprised.



Annabel’s whole face lit up, “Hey! What are you doing here?” Riley pointed to her ears and shook her head. Annabel tried again, louder, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?”



Riley nodded and pointed to the band. Annabel blushed and thought, ‘Duh! She’s here for the band.’ Riley’s shoulder was jerked back and Annabel saw a face she had never seen before. The girl was pretty, in the punk rock kind of way. She had on way too much make-up and her hair was chunked with rainbow colours. Riley shrugged her hand off and said, “Give me a minute.”



The new girl crossed her eyes at Annabel and gave Riley a kiss on the cheek. Annabel's heart caught in her throat as she watched that girl take a step back. Riley grinned at her and leaned forward to yell in her ear, “I’ll see you around?” Annabel nodded, confusion clouding her mind. Riley’s lips barely grazed her ear as the Latina pulled away, and Annabel shuddered involuntarily.



Riley shoved her way through the crowd to get back to her friends, but the weird girl was still standing there. She walked right up to Annabel, got in her face and told her, “Stop slummin’ Social. It’s pathetic the way Riley plays you. Girl’s got you wrapped, and I do mean wrapped. It’s sad. Give up the ghetto and go back to your friends, Social.”



Annabel had no idea where this was coming from. “Wh-wh-wh-what?” Tears started to form behind her eyes.



The girl laughed. “Y-y-y-yeah.” She felt a great pleasure at mocking Annabel. “You’re nothing but a toy to Rambo. She doesn’t LIKE you… you’re just fun to play with. Hell, I’d want to play with a little thing like you.” Her look got serious, “Go home.”



Annabel watched her walk away, the full effect of what just happened not hitting her yet. Only when she is elbowed by someone standing next to her does she come back to reality. The tears start flowing freely as she angrily makes her way back to her friends. “I WANT TO GO HOME,” she yells in Jesse’s ear. He pushes her off so she goes to the next person, thank goodness it was Torii.



Torii saw Annabel's tear stained face and dusty clothes and grabbed Kelly. Kelly kicked Mike in the back of the leg and he turned around. His face changed from blissful, drunken happiness to worry. He nodded and the four made their way out of the crowd. They had to pass right in front of Riley and her friends to get out of the place and Annabel hated the thought of Riley seeing her cry.



Riley caught a glimpse of Annabel through her friends. It looked like she was crying. All of her instinct screamed for her to go to her, but her friends would never let her live it down. They had already given her an ultimatum. ‘Go to the concert, forget about the Social for one night, or be prepared to lose some friends.’ She couldn’t run to her… but why? Were her friends so important? What had they done for her?



But what had Annabel done for her? “AAHH!” She screamed out loud, her frustration mounting. She gave in and lurched forward to fight her way to Annabel, but someone caught her arm.



“Rambo? What are you doing?” Kaye screamed in her ear.



Riley gestured toward Annabel and Kaye’s eyes widened. “No!” Jules saw what was going on and joined Kaye in the negative column.



Riley watched helplessly as Annabel fought her way to the exit. “Annabel,” she called out, a fleeting hope that the blonde would hear her. She felt like crying herself as she Annabel disappeared into the sea of people.



“Are you happy now,” she snapped at Kaye, who just stood there, a wolf-grin plastered on her face. “Bitch,” Riley said to her, looking her deep in the eye.



************

Jessica

Adia I'm empty since you left me...

[DarkChild]

yay! Finally an update! Happiness.

"Death cannot stop true love. It can only delay it." The Princess Bride



*****



BeastBoy: She thinks I'm funny.



Raven:Statistically, I suppose, somebody has to.