The Rosenberg Institute

[TromDeGrey]

Holy crap, pips!



There's a wake up call - for me and Tara both!!

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. -Erma Bombeck

[sam darls]

Wow.. ..that was some dream. Love sam xx

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler (Evan Rachel Wood)

[onyxsundrops]

That was a very realistic and, might I add, nice dream. Thanks for the update.



Yvonne

[wimpy0729]

Oh yeah! I'm on the boat with everybody else! Holy crap! That was a nice, hot, wet dream!



And now, since she doesn't wake up at the same part, she realizes it takes Willow to complete it. Very cool!



Can't wait for more! Still loving it!



Wimpy

[DreamsToDream]

Uhhhhh....



That Was Quite The Dream She Had There Eh?

Please Tell Us More!

D2D





Dreams To Dream In The Dark Of The Night, When The World Goes Wrong, I Can Still Make It Right...- Dreams To Dream, Feivel Goes West

Poppycock!-Stewie Griffin

Edited by: DreamsToDream at: 6/20/04 6:12 pm

[LunaMuses]

hehe, now *that's* a dream! lol, I recently had a dream of Willow, and all she did was make me toast! Can we say letdown? :p hey, at least Tara's got it right.



*sizzle* who needs frying pans? that was hot enough!



thanks for the quick fix pips! ^^

"No, my friend. We are lunatics...psycho-ceramics, the cracked pots of mankind..."
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest

[Tempest Duer]

Oh boy... what a dream... making out with crossdressing Willow... how hot is that?

It's insulting to the whole gender[sic] of rap.



~Eminem

[JustSkipIt]

Hi pip,



I’ve been meaning to get some feedback going but have been way behind and couldn’t get there for days. But finally I am here. So let me say that the thing that strikes me first and that I’m very much enjoying is the way you write Tara’s responses. Particularly the way Willow makes her feel. While the impression of the grounds and building seems foreboding, nearly deserted, and foggy, the reader can virtually feel the warmth spreading through Tara as she observes Willow. And the reader is right there for Tara’s self-discovery.



I also like that the story is written from Tara’s pov, which is relatively unusual for this forum. As a writer I have to commend your ambition as I find writing first-person challenging. On the other hand, as it seems that Willow and Anne hold the secrets so writing from Tara’s pov keeps us from the secrets. Good choice.



I got that Anne=Buffy right off based on the name. Couldn’t be anything else. Tara’s dream was lovely and wonderful as is their connection and flirtation.



Now to my thought. When Tara said that her father met William in Boston, my first thought was that Willow is not so much a cross-dresser as a shapeshifter. Now yes, your story does not seem supernatural at this point: just historical. But on her first appearance she appeared a crone and then became young pixie-like Willow. Then we find out that she goes into town as a man. So I wonder if she is actually a man, woman, both, either, old, young…

Quote:

---

I’m neither a Miss or a Mrs. or a Ms. for the matter really – just call me Willow, everyone does – not that I’m implying that I’m known to the world

---

Hmmm, neither a Miss, Mrs. Or Ms.? Did they even have the title Ms. At that time?

Quote:

---

I had never felt before in the company of those my age welled up in me so

---

This strikes me as curious because of my suspicion that Willow is not in fact Tara’s age.

Quote:

---

I couldn’t place her expression but it seemed almost smug. It was if she knew a secret that I was not privy to.

---

I’m sure that Anne knows quite a few secrets that Tara doesn’t know.



This suspicion could be all my imagination but if not… Good premise and I’m very definitely enjoying the story either way.

Oppose the Federal Marriage Amendment

[pipsberg]

Hey kitties! As always, thanks so much for the great feedback. I really feel the love



effrena - I would definitely say that Tara enjoyed this dream more than she had in the past However, I think it's not as easy as simply enjoying it as it brings a lot of new feelings with it. Glad you liked Tara's dress!



BWR - more soon! Thanks for reading.



TromDeGrey - haha, glad you liked it. I was scared to take the rating further but I think it went ok. Now doing that in the actual story may prove harder...



sam - thanks!



Yvonne - I'm glad you think that it was realistic. Dreams can be difficult to put into words sometimes.



Wimpy - I'm happy to give the kitties hotness, and am so relieved that is came across that way. Stay tuned...



D2D - thanks for the feedback. I plan on telling you much more.



Luna - Sizzling? That rocks! Thanks for your continued feedback.



Tempest Duer - Cross dressing Willow is so popular, how could I refuse you guys more?



JustSkipIt - Thanks for the lengthy and insightful feedback. It's much appreciated! I like your take on some of the items you quoted, but I think you might have read a lot more into them than I intended. Willow is definitely "special", but not necessarily in a supernatural or magical way. She does, however, have the ability to quickly endear herself to people. And while she doesn't use it often, she is able to contain her emotion and play a "role". We'll see more of this moving forward.



I wanted this to be a purely historical piece. I think in a futuristic story, or in our own timeframe, I would write one that was more fantastical. However, for my first time out I didn't want to bite off too much. There will definitely be twists and turns, but they won't be of a mystical variety. Tara's pov is actually very easy for me to write because I only have to describe one perspective and that allows me to be consistent and narrow. It just matches my writing style. If I ever introduce a narrator, I think it would be a lot harder for me to write. Even the dream is in Tara's pov which allows us to feel her reaction to it as she is having it.



Thanks again for your thorough ideas on my story. I hope you'll keep reading, even though there won't be any shape-shifting

-pipsberg



"We live our lives, do whatever we do, and then we sleep - it's as simple and ordinary as that."

Michael Cunningham, The Hours

[amazonaa]

that was great. wow. at a loss of words.





keep up the great work.







brittney

[pipsberg]

brittney
- thanks for the encouragement.Here's a short update.


• Title: The Rosenberg Institute
• Author: pipsberg
• Feedback: This is my first W/T story, so I would love your honest and constructive feedback. The more encouragement I get, the more I am bound to write!
• Distribution: Please ask me first.
• Spoilers: This story is completely AU and unless you consider the Civil War and events leading up to it to be “news”, you won’t find any spoilers. If I have ruined the history of the Civil War for you, I apologize deeply.
• Rating: At least R, possibly venturing into NC-17 territory. I will give ratings and notes for each part as needed.
• Pairing: W/T
• Summary: As events hurl the United States towards an imminent Civil War, young Tara Maclay accepts a position as a science assistant at a secret teaching institute.





The Rosenberg Institute, Part 6





Rating – PG


I woke suddenly, launching into a sitting position from where I had lain sprawled on top of the bedcovers.I was gasping in equal parts excitement and fear from the images in my dream.An insistent knocking on the door had woken me from my heady fantasy.

“Yes?” I called out in a weak voice.I pushed my hair back from my face as I stood up.My brow was covered in sweat and my hands were shaking.I tried to straighten my rumpled dress as I glanced at the time piece on the bedside table.It was past seven o’clock already.I had slept for hours.

“Tara?” Anne called to me through the door.I walked quickly to the door, and checking my appearance one last time, opened it to reveal Anne on the other side.

“Mrs. Rosenberg.I must confess that you caught me napping.I think the trip was more tiring than I expected.”I motioned for her to enter the room.Like royalty, she glided into the room and glanced around, ever watchful for imperfections.She then perched herself on the edge of a sitting chair I hadn’t even had time yet to notice.She looked at me expectantly where I still stood at the door, holding its knob.I closed the door and moved to sit in the window seat which was relatively close to the chair.

“Tara, dear, when the two of us are alone you may call me Anne.I actually much prefer it.”She smiled at me, and though it was friendly, it also seemed tight and guarded.

“Anne.”I nodded and smiled in return.

“Yes, well, your supper will be here shortly.I’m sorry to have woken you but I did want to speak in private briefly before you retired.”As she talked she stared intently at me, her gaze unwavering.She seemed to be made of steel; so strong and impenetrable.I only raised an eyebrow and waited for her to continue.I did not know what she wanted to speak about, and yet I was reluctant to hear what she had to say.

“It’s about Willow.”Immediately my dream rushed back to me in excruciating detail and I am sure a blush rose to my neck and cheeks.So fresh were the images in my mind, I practically shivered from them.Anne saw my discomfort, sighed lightly, and rose to walk to the window next to me.She perched besides me on the window seat, looking briefly out into the night.

“About Willow?” I questioned quietly.Internally, I was tying to control my visceral response from speaking of her so soon after the things I had dreamed her doing to me.

“She’s an extraordinary individual Tara, and though I may seem harsh or unyielding towards her, it is done with total devotion and love.”Looking at her hands, folded neatly in her lap, she continued “We are each others’ only family now Tara.I protect her with every action, or lack of action, that I take.I hope that you will endeavor to do the same.”
She looked up at me then, took one of my hands and squeezed it lightly.I said nothing, as I don’t think a response was expected of me.Her hope of me was clearly an order, not a request.She stood then, smiling cheerily at clearly finishing business she had not looked forward to.

“That will be your dinner then Tara.”I had hear nothing, and was about to say as much, when three short knocks sounded on the door.Anne opened the door and showed in a servant with a tray, which she set on the table near the sitting chair.The servant left as quietly as she had come in, never glancing at me.Anne turned to leave.

“Good evening Tara.Please meet Willow and I in the first floor drawing room by eight o’clock.We will be taking breakfast there.”

“I will Anne, good evening.”As she was walking out of the room, Willow appeared in the hall, just barely visible through the door.I remained on the window seat, wanting to greet her, but feeling obliged to remain immobile.

As Anne closed the door behind her, I heard part of Willow’s inquiry to her.She was asking what Anne had been speaking to me about.I heard only some muffled exchanges after that, then loud footsteps and a door slamming next to my room.I assumed it to be Willow’s.I laughed lightly to myself, resting my head in my hands.I marveled at what an odd situation I had found myself in.

I then ate my dinner quickly, leaving the tray outside my door.Though I had napped, I was still exhausted.I changed into my night clothes, and went to turn off the lanterns, so ingeniously designed by Willow.As I climbed into the large bed, I thought of her comment about them being bouncy, and tested it lightly with some chagrin.She seemed to be all around me.I then fell into a restless sleep, images of her both tantalizing and tormenting me into the wee hours of the morning.







-pipsberg



"We live our lives, do whatever we do, and then we sleep - it's as simple and ordinary as that."

Michael Cunningham, The Hours

[wimpy0729]

Hey Pips!



So Anne's just being protective. That's cool, but Willow is an adult, although still quite a character. I have a feeling Anne will have her hands full if she tries to restrain her too much, as I don't see her as being too restrainable. I think she just needs to let her be totally unrestrained, cause then some really good stuff would ensue. Perhaps of the naughty, dream-associated variety?



Now she's gone and pissed her off and Tara's in the middle. This just keeps getting better and better.



Can't wait for more!



Wimpy

[LunaMuses]

hey, so this means the dream was from her nap?



all right, the night's still young!



all sizzlin' aside though :p I'm glad Tara got to hear from Anne herself that she has Willow's best interests at mind, even if she does come off uptight or whatnot.



Anyhoo, I'll go curl up in a corner and wait for your return to get my fixes and go a-pillagin! ;) arr

"No, my friend. We are lunatics...psycho-ceramics, the cracked pots of mankind..."
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest

[sam darls]

Aww bless Anne. Great update . Love sam xx

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler (Evan Rachel Wood)

[DreamsToDream]

That Lovely Dream Came From Only A Nap? Then There Are Gonna Be More Dreams Right? And Dreams Can Come True!! Hmm... I Sure Hope There Will Be Ahh Over Protective Anne Hahahah. Great Update!!!!

D2D





Dreams To Dream In The Dark Of The Night, When The World Goes Wrong, I Can Still Make It Right...- Dreams To Dream, Feivel Goes West



Poppycock!-Stewie Griffin

[mollyig]

Anne's conversation with Tara leads me to believe that while she may believe she has Willow's best interests at heart, she is really just manipulative and controlling. I'm sure Tara's interest in Willow, and indeed Willow's irresistible charm, will do a lot to encourage the well mannered Southern woman to ignore her hosts suggestion!



Thanks for the update.

---

Sheacht mh'anam déag do bhéal, do mhalaí's do ghrua

[sharleen711]

i just discivered your fic and i love it already.

It's fabulous

I'm so to read the next part that i think i'm gonna . I know, i have no patience..

So please go on, continue because it's really great!

~ Sharleen ~

[Sheba]

OOh I'm lovin' it! This is such a great fic! I'm a sucker for first time meetings, especially AU ones that don't get to the whole love scene between the two too soon...and trust me woman, ures is right UP there in my regard! I log onto Pens hoping to see an update from u, and my only complaint is that even the longest ones always seem to end too fast for me! Still, no rush girl...take all the time u need...I'll be right here, waiting to lap up the next update! Kudo's to u! Cheers!

[BurningWhiteRose]

I like the relationship between Willow and Anne. Anne is the overprotective sister and Willow's the one who just wants to be left alone.



Alone with Tara of course, making her dream come true.



Keep up the great work!!



Sincerely,

BWR

[onyxsundrops]

Wonderful update. I sympathize with Buffy (no rotten fruit, please), I mean, in addition to her love and devotion, there might be a little jealousy in there some place as well. Having lost her partner, a Rosenberg nonetheless, she probably feels that she will never love again. Assuming that the majority of men in that town and close by are not looking for anything other than a trophy wife let alone a woman that teaches, likes to learn, etc. She sees the attraction between W/T and probably thinks that some day, Willow will be leaving her. Granted, her behavoir toward the redhead isn't helping, but she's just trying to hold onto the only thing she has left. Okay, I'll stop now. Thanks.



Yvonne

Edited by: onyxsundrops at: 6/22/04 7:59 am

[Artemis]

Very interesting, and most enjoyable of course Now the question on my mind is, what exactly was Anne saying there? On the one hand, of course she was explaining her protectiveness, and it's not difficult to imagine how wandering around dressed as a man - as far afield from home as another city, no less - could get Willow into trouble in 1860. And it'd be natural to hope that Tara might not encourage Willow's daring behaviour too much... however, "action, or lack of action" caught my eye, and I wonder if Anne's more perceptive than maybe I'd given her credit for - is she hinting that Tara should steer clear of getting involved with Willow? Obviously it's no surprise to Anne that Willow's a tomboy, but does she know her romantic preferences? If so, does she disapprove, or is she merely being cautious, possibly just being a little over-protective?



And you know, I can't shake the feeling that there's more on Anne's mind than a wayward sister-in-law wandering around in trousers... we all know the events looming on the horizon, I wonder if there's some greater cause to Anne's less-than-rosy outlook on things?



All questions that, I suppose, will be answered in time. I'm not impatient, just intrigued Great work, a very entertaining and engrossing story. I look forward to more.

[pipsberg]

Kitties, as always, thanks for your continued support. I log on to read the feedback and it makes me feel motivated and happy to write more updates. I am working on another part now and will do my best to post it before I leave town this weekend.



Wimpy - Anne is definitely being protect. However, I think she also has a grasp on the bigger picture of the life they live and the work they do. In contrast, Willow is somewhat impulsive; living in the moment. This doesn't make her less "adult", it just makes her the Willow we all know and love. I think you are right about restraining Willow too much though... she just might have to rebel a little, huh?



Luna - Yup, all that from a little nap. I don't know if there will be more dreams, but I plan on extending the chemistry. I'm glad you liked the mini update.



sam - Bless Anne indeed. I love that people identify with her.



D2D - Thanks!! Maybe I can work more dreams in there somehow, but I don't think it will be Tara's...



mollyig - I think that it is unlikely that Tara will ignore Anne's suggestion completely. She's definitely a proper lady to the extent that she believes what she's doing to be right. So look for a little angst here and there. Don't worry, I'll get them together. The road there is half the fun...



Sharleen Your post cracked me up with the little dancing elephant. Please don't throw your computer. Be good to it and love it. It brings forth the fan fiction! Thanks for joining in on the feedback.



Sheba - I'm so happy that you're enjoying it. There is no better compliment than knowing you are rabidly awaiting another part.



BWR - You've got it just right. Thanks for the note!



Yvonne - I agree with your take on Anne's protectiveness. I didn't write it to be jealous, but by default it kind of is. I love that you are sympathetic toward Anne - it means you are really reading her the way I see her.



Artemis - You are wonderful to have caught "action, or lack of action". I debated highlighting or bolding that, but I thought it was too obvious. I hate being obvious. I'll leave you guessing on whether Anne just knows too much, disapproves, or both. More to come on that. There is definitely a lot on Anne's mind, and she is responsible for a great deal as well. I am so happy you are intrigued. I hope to keep it that way

-pipsberg



"We live our lives, do whatever we do, and then we sleep - it's as simple and ordinary as that."

Michael Cunningham, The Hours

[amazonaa]

sorry late once again with the feedback.



i still love the story and cant wait for more.





keep up the good work







brittney

[CEsgirl13]

awesome update. this is really cool!

~Jamie

When you choose to hold the rose you are also agreeing to bleed.

[photographer02]

You know what, I just love this story!! Please do continue as SOON AS POSSIBLE!!



Once again, love it!



photographer02

[thebardgirl]

more! more please...please?





Question: exactly, what do i have to do to get you to update? Chocolate? Whiskey? A whiskey bottle made out of chocolate? WHAT?! let me know....then i shall find it on ebay, and send it right away...post haste...



-elizabeth

[JustSkipIt]

Pipsberg,

I am so loving this story (even without the supernatural...). It is wonderful and I love that it's from Tara's pov. It's amazingly sensual throughout.



This struck me:

Quote:

---

I protect her with every action, or lack of action, that I take.

---

I'm not sure what Buffy, sorry Anne, is saying here. Is she warning Tara that she will do (or not do) strange things in relation to Willow? Or is she giving Tara permission to have a relationship with Willow? Or something else? Anne is so mysterious.



I feel somewhat confused about Tara's sexuality and her self-acceptance of it (or lack thereof). In the first 4? parts, Tara certainly seems accepting and inviting of Willow's very sensual attention - the knuckle kissing and entwining their fingers at the light. Then in the dream, the first half certainly seems that Tara has had that dream many times, always with the southern gentleman. But by the time it morphs into Willow she calls her her "northern mystery" and ... well the rest is obvious. If this dream was her first real indication, I would expect her to wake disoriented and disturbed rather than just interrupted. And when she returns to sleep after Anne's visit, she gives in and invites her fantasies. So my point being: are we reading a story from an 18? year-old self-accepting lesbian in 1860? Strikes me as somewhat unusual.



Also, the brief glimpse of Willow is absolutely genius writing. We, the reader along with Tara, see a glimpse of her, hear whispers and then the door slams. And the picture of Willow being a petulant child is complete. She is all but absent in the update, yet we can almost feel her through the bedroom wall.



In case you hadn't noticed, I love your writing and can't wait for more. Debra

Oppose the Federal Marriage Amendment

[Irishgrl3]

The era you've chosen to write about is original and how the characters have interacted thus far is wonderful. Can't wait for an update

[pipsberg]

Here comes another part. I'll be away for a little while so don't expect an update next week. Thanks again for all the great feedback!



brittney, Jamie & photographer02 - thanks!!



elizabeth - How about a back rub? I don't care for chocolate. Or, you can have an update for free!



Debra - Thanks for your insight to the story. Because Buffy is being protective, you can assume her statement to Tara was more of a suggestion to not act, rather than to act. However, you can interpret it any way you want seeing as it's from Tara's pov. That's one thing I like about writing from one pov, the interpretation is not spelled out. I also like to think of Tara as enjoying the attention and affection from Willow, having some understanding of what it is, but not necessarily knowing whether and how to act on it. I like hearing your take on it. Thanks for reading and I am so glad you are enjoying it.



Irishgrl3 - I'm glad that you like the originality. Thanks for reading and commenting!

-pipsberg



"We live our lives, do whatever we do, and then we sleep - it's as simple and ordinary as that."

Michael Cunningham, The Hours

Edited by: pipsberg at: 6/24/04 3:18 pm

[pipsberg]

• Title: The Rosenberg Institute
• Author: pipsberg
• Feedback: This is my first W/T story, so I would love your honest and constructive feedback. The more encouragement I get, the more I am bound to write!
• Distribution: Please ask me first.
• Spoilers: This story is completely AU and unless you consider the Civil War and events leading up to it to be “news”, you won’t find any spoilers. If I have ruined the history of the Civil War for you, I apologize deeply.
• Rating: At least R, possibly venturing into NC-17 territory. I will give ratings and notes for each part as needed.
• Pairing: W/T
• Summary: As events hurl the United States towards an imminent Civil War, young Tara Maclay accepts a position as a science assistant at a secret teaching institute.





The Rosenberg Institute, Part 7





Rating – PG

I stood hesitantly on the lower part of the stairs leading to the first floor of the Institute.Having procrastinated as long as possible in my room, I had tidied my appearance before heading downstairs to meet Willow and Anne for breakfast.I was tired and surely looked the part.My sleep had been uneasy; ghosts from my previous dream dancing hedonistically in my sleep.

I wore a simple gingham dress in light blue today, a darker blue sash about my waist complimenting the blue one tied around my neck from which a small ivory oval hung.I’d taken pains to arrange my hair in a loose French twist low on my neck.Normally not one for the fancies of cosmetics, I had nonetheless spent some time pinching my cheeks to give them a rosy hue.Unconvincingly, I had told myself that the attention to detail was for my first official day on the job.

In one hand I clutched the telegram that Anne had delivered to me yesterday.In the other I cradled a small leather bound notebook with a miniature pen attached.I used it for all things of interest: writing, drawing and journaling.With one last sigh, I descended the remaining steps of the stairwell and proceeded towards the drawing room for breakfast.

I entered the drawing room on the far side of the dining area.I had quite a distance for which I could observe the seated figures as I approached.Willow and Anne sat next to a large end table, placed adjacent to a fireplace, which now held medium sized flames.They were speaking to each other in low tones, and though Willow had not observed me enter as yet, Anne’s eyes immediately flickered to me before returning to the book she held in front of her.Willow was gesturing towards the book, making odd figures over it as if to tell a story with her fingers alone.From all appearances, it seemed she was describing the way in which someone would walk a dog.

Willow’s appearance, though no less startling than yesterday, was certainly not as scandalous.She wore a man’s shirt again, though pin striped in blue this time.She now had on a dress of sorts, which fell to just the tops of the small black leather boots on her feet.The tan dress had no pleats and seemed to have no petticoats underneath it.The fabric flowed straight down in one line, framing her thighs and knees were the fabric hung as she sat.It was an odd look to be sure, but as the pants had been, very flattering.

As I drew near, Willow looked up and our eyes connected.The fingers of her hand continued their pantomiming in the air though her voice trailed off in mid-sentence.Her gaze on me felt as warm as the fire that I approached.My eyes skittered away from hers, falling on Anne who was now looking up at me.I motioned to an open seat across from the duo.

“May I?”Willow nodded quickly and I sat down, adjusting my dress and looking anywhere but directly at her.Try at I might, I couldn’t deny passing her a brief smile and then wishing a good morning to them both.

“Good morning Tara,” Willow smiled at me.“Anne and I were just discussing a fascinating new book about dog training.Well actually, I was discussing it and Anne was just placating me.She doesn’t really like dogs you see.I suppose she’s more of a cat person.But, I was imagining that you could apply similar training techniques to cats and perhaps we could teach Isabelle, that’s Anne’s cat, to stop walking through her study with muddy paws.I really think it could work but Anne thinks cats are far too stubborn to be trained.”

As Willow drew a breath before launching into another sentence, I glanced at Anne.She was gazing into the fireplace, one hand propped under her chin, trying to hide a huge smile with her fingers.I was happy to see that not even Anne was immune to the charm of Willow’s babble.I turned back to Willow, smiling and laughing lightly.

Willow stopped mid-breath and simply regarded me.I felt her eyes run over me.It seemed as if she was tracing me to memory; taking me into her catalog, as I am sure she did with everything she observed.I fidgeted with my notebook then, placing it on the table nearby.I then smoothed the telegram I held in my other hand and placed it on top of the notebook.

“Did you sleep well Tara?”Willow inquired.

“New beds are always difficult Willow, but I made due.Thank you for asking.”I couldn’t help but remember bouncing lightly on the bed before retiring.Though my reaction to Willow had so far been rather extreme, I couldn’t deny the levity and joy that she allowed me to feel.Lost in my thoughts, I hadn’t noticed the servant approach with our breakfast.However, Anne had.She was already standing to help arrange the plates on the table.

As she busied herself with this task, she spoke to me.“Tara, I noticed you had your telegram with you.Will you want to respond this morning?”

Though she seemed nonchalant, her tone was curious, as was the open expectation on Willow’s face.Because Anne was standing, and more likely because I wanted an excuse to speak to her, I addressed Willow.

“Yes, that would be ideal.The telegram was from my brother, Donald.There is a political meeting here in Chicago this May that he has been asked to attend.I’d like to see him when he is here, of course.He’ll be staying in the city.”

“He’s coming for the Republican convention?He’s not a Democrat?”I glanced at Willow, surprised by her comment.Then, chastising myself, I realized that in this room sat possibly the most educated women this side of the world.It would follow that they were active in the study of politics as well.At this point, Anne handed me a cup of coffee, which I took gratefully, and sat back down in her chair.She leaned forward expectantly for my response.

“No Willow, he’s no Democrat.My father was a Republican.It wasn’t a natural fit, but ever since the Southern blotters began endorsing a separate union in the 1850’s, he became a staunch Republican.He was always at odds with the party, even before switching affiliation.”I sipped my coffee and watched them silently.It no longer pained me to speak of my father, though he had only died four months prior.

“Is that why you left the South?Willow told me you are originally from Charleston.”Anne too sipped her coffee.Willow only stared at me, waiting to hear more of my tale.

“That was part of the reason.My mother was ailing at the time.We came to Chicago to see a new doctor in 1852.It wasn’t long after that she passed.My father didn’t want to return to the South because of the growing political divide, so he finished raising and educating my brother and I here in Chicago.”I paused before continuing.

“My brother is lawyer now.He’s been in Virginia for many months helping with the defense of John Brown.My father died fighting with him at Harper’s Ferry.”

“Oh my god!”Willow shouted standing up partially, then sitting back down and glancing back and forth between Anne and I.“You’re father is a hero Tara!”

“I’m glad you think so Willow.”I smiled wanly.“It seemed rather foolhardy to me at the time.And look at poor John Brown; strung up just last December.”

Willow’s look turned grim as she continued to address me.Anne said nothing, but looked increasingly perturbed by the direction of the conversation.

“I’m sorry Tara, I know this must be difficult to talk about, but your father didn’t die in vane.That rebellion has forced the Southern and Northern politicians to realize that it isn’t only slaves that are revolting.Educated, wealthy men are revolting as well.This isn’t an uprising of the poor or the mistreated Tara, this is an uprising of all of America’s humanity.And mark my words; this nation won’t stand divided much longer.War is inevitable.The Republicans will nominate an Abolitionist and the Democrats will nominate pro-Slavery.Either way, there will be war.”

Willow was winded by the time she finished her impassioned speech.I noticed that tears were threatening to spring forth from her eyes and I fought the matching moisture in my own.All she had said was true and on an intellectual level, I realized this.It didn’t make the loss of my father and the turmoil my brother and I had experienced any easier.

Anne, who still had not spoken since I revealed the reason for my father’s death, stood and walked closer to the fire, wrapping her arms around herself as if she had suddenly become chilled.She cleared her throat, lightly shaking her head as she spoke.

“This is hard for all of us.Willow and I know how you feel Tara.All of us in this room are orphans.While your father died trying to free slaves, my husband, father and father-in-law were all slaughtered by the same slaves we wish to see set free.There is no comfort in dying a hero.All of our lives crumbled with one bloody incident.It’s hard to feel anything but sorrow and anger.”

The room was silent as Anne stared into the fire, I stared at my hands, and Willow stared at me.We seemed so bound by our experience, yet each with a different perspective learned from it.Anne was clearly hardened and depressed by hers.I was most definitely angry and bitter from mine.Willow, it seemed, was impassioned and motivated by hers.

I envied her, to see through eyes that clear and unbiased.I envied and admired her.I looked up at her then, the energy flowing off her in waves, her fist clenching and unclenching with repressed energy.And then she smiled at me.It was a comforting, simple smile, not happy or jovial.And yet, just that small smile lightened my heart.It was just a small moment in my day, in my life.It was just a small moment that needled its way into my heart and stung me there.And at that small moment, I knew I could not live without Willow’s smile.







-pipsberg



"We live our lives, do whatever we do, and then we sleep - it's as simple and ordinary as that."

Michael Cunningham, The Hours