S
P
O
I
L
E
R
S
The Trouble with Buffy:
Previously...scenes from the last scene of The Gift with Buffy and Dawn on the tower and, of course, the gravestone.
Tara is walking through the woods near the University campus reading a book of spells, muttering about how the stuff in this book is so advanced and she'll never be able to catch up with Willow. She is so engrossed that she doesn't notice the corpse laying on the ground in front of her. She trips over it and says "Oh, excuse me, I didn't see you down there, Buffy." She starts walking and reading again, pauses a second, whips her head around and says "Buffy!?" Her facial expression of surprise is accentuated by her heaving chest. This is worth mentioning because, amazingly, the camera angle is able to appear average to the passing viewer but, to the discerning eye, it emphasizes the sensuous aspect of her emotion-filled torso. [Upon careful inspection with my professional grade VCR, I was able to catch a reflection of the camera operator in Amber’s eyes. He was rapt with attention at her performance and had a curly lock of auburn hair hanging down in his face]
CREDITS
Quick shot of Tara running frantically through the parking lot to her dormitory where, we assume, Willow is. As she runs, she stops a couple of cars. She is jiggling. A lot.
Back to the woods. Xander, who’s construction company is building something on campus, is backing through the trees with surveying equipment, calling out to someone far away. "Hey! How far back do I need to go? Guys?! Can you hear me? Little lost, here! Don’t know where I’m going. Give my love to my demon." He backs up over Buffy and falls down, face to face with her. He makes a strange choking noise and scurries backwards. He is able to do this with great skill due to his perfectly toned upper-body muscles which are easily spotted within the shadows of his skin tight t-shirt. [I have several vid caps available of this scene for anyone who’s interested]
Xander: Shpadoinkle!
Buffy:...
Xander: What the...how the...but, but, we BURIED you! I was there, I saw you in the casket. Oh, this is no good. I mean, it’s good to see you again. You look nice for a rotting corpse. Ack, Xan, get a hold of yourself.
Buffy:...
Xander: OK, I gotta go get someone, go tell someone; someone important, who has corpse handling knowledge. And, preferably, a shovel. I’ll be back. (runs just off camera)
Buffy:...
Xander: (quickly back) all right, just thought of something. I cant let you stay here exposed with the creatures of the forest. No offence, but some critters might think of you as being appetizing.
Buffy:....
Xander drags her toward a ditch-like area, covers her with leaves and rocks and hurries away. From the other direction, Tara and Willow come running, just missing Xander.
Willow: where? Is this the place?
Tara: yes, I know it was here, because I paused against that oak tree when I was disgusted by the description of the Snot-spouting hex, then I continued this way and found...well, kind of tripped, you know, over her.
Willow: OK, so let’s just look around. She can’t have gone far. Though if she got this far, I mean, that’s pretty impressive, being as we’re miles away from the grave. I mean, Tara, what do you think it means? Did someone put her out here, or do you think it could be, possibly, well, that she’s...
Tara: (puts her hands on Willow’s shoulders) I know, sweetie, I want it to be true. But you know better than I do that there’s no good way it could be true. Not in a way that it would really be her.
Willow: yeah, I know.
Tara: It doesn’t make sense, though, this is where she was and now she’s gone.
Willow: well, Buffy being anywhere other than Sunnydale cemetery is, you know, pretty much not making the big sense in itself.
Tara: good point.
Willow: Oh God!
Tara: what?
Willow: you don’t think she’s become...
Tara: she would have exploded in the sunlight, I know, I already considered that and...let’s just not consider that anymore. You don’t think I’m crazy, do you? I know I saw her.
QUICK EDIT TO THE MAGIC SHOP, close up on Giles.
Giles: well, if you say you did, I have no reason to doubt you, other than the fact that she’s been buried for weeks and the idea that she would be anything other than buried is highly, highly...
Anya: doubtful?
Giles: well...
Xander: look, I know it sounds crazy. The craziness and pure insanity of the situation is not lost on me.
They banter back and forth for a minute before the door to the magic shop opens and in comes...
Dawn: hey guys, what’s up?
Xander and Giles share uncomfortable looks. Giles says that they were just arguing over the price of something Xander wanted to buy. Dawn suspiciously asks about Xander suddenly gaining an interest in magic. Xander says something enormously witty. [It really was funny. Sorry I don’t remember it] Giles suggests that Dawn help out unpacking a shipment of something or another while slyly telling Xander and Anya to go and look into the situation.
[At this point Spike came on screen and I got terribly bored. I went into the kitchen and grabbed a jar of smoked salmon spread out of the fridge and scooped some out with a couple of whole wheat crackers. I thought about getting some beer and then remembered I was trying to lose weight. But I really wanted some beer. Oh, what the hell.]
A member of Xander’s construction crew finds the body and goes to alert the authorities. The rest of the ep was marred by the presence of a doofus local sheriff who investigated the corpse-theft by questioning the scoobies. The only notable aspect was Willow’s hair style, which was very fetching. It’s dyed jet black for this ep and has one of those funky butterfly berets in it, though, honestly, I thought those pretty much went out of style with Weezer. And speaking of unearthed corpses, have you heard that MTV is going to broadcast a reunion performance of Weezer? Talk about dredging the bottom of the barrel. And nobody even asks whatever happened to Erasure. Now that was some music.
Oh, yeah, the spoilers...well, at the end it seems Buffy is alive again though I didn’t really pay attention because I was reading the quite wordy label on my beer bottle. Microbrews, you know. The resurrection had something to do with the Powers that Be, I think, giving her back to the world. Now talk about some bad fashion sense - that PTB gang, I tell ya...
---------------------------------
I hope no one considers this bit of humor to be too out-of-bounds. Just having fun. And, as a last excuse, Xita said I could!
[This message has been edited by darvangi (edited May 27, 2001).]
.