can i just write this down here

[Willow Rocks]

ok i think i may be gay well at least bi c recently i've been having these feelings i guess that why i started posting here (well except for the brillance that is Amber and Alyson) but i still have feelings about boys being 16 i know my hormones are everywhere so i'm not going to say anything but i had to write this down, sorry mods.

Does anyone have any advice on how to get through this?

[AutumnT]

You may want to check out this thread for some assistance. It has links to some resources you may find helpful.

------------------
Autumn

I have the sudden urge to dedicate my productive cooperation.

[willow's girl]

I hear you sweetie. Let me tell you I am going through the same thing. I've been more and more attracted to girls, but everytime I decide I must actually be gay, I find myself also being attracted to some guy. I've settled with calling myself bi-sexual, or better yet just saying that I'm drawn to the person, not their gender. It's rough though, but I'm hoping it'll get easier. Good luck to you, and if you ever need someone to talk to, please e-mail me.
eltonsgod@aol.com

[The Next Tara Maclay]

I wish I can help,But I'm not in your situaton..

[tarasfan]

I know what you mean, WR. It's tough, I'm 17 and know that I'm definately more attracted to women although I have a really great boyfriend. It's all a bit crazy, but I've stopped trying to give all of this a name now and just accept it for what it is and keep it up as long as I'm having fun
Feel free to e-mail me, I'd like to help if I can.

flis_p@hotmail.com

xoxo

------------------
Amber – It’s the end of the cheese man

[The Partyman]

Do what feels right, and don't let anybody tell you that there's anything wrong with that.

[La]

I agree wholeheartedly with Partyman. You really have to listen to your heart. Do what you want to do, not what you think others want you to do. And know that there are many other girls/women out there who are going through, or have gone through the same thing you are. Everything works out in the end (yeah, cheesy, I know. But true, I think).

~La

[Caity]

Yeah sweetie- listen to what tarasfan and the partyman have said - you are who you are. It might take a bit for you to simply, well, come to terms with who you are, but when you do, you'll feel so good about it. You'll be like, Yes. This is right. I'll join in and say email me if you want to talk - I know what you are going through. caitaway@yahoo.com

Caity

[BBOvenGuy]

Okay, joining in here on the "You are who you are" bandwagon. Through your entire life, you're going to face questions about who you are in one way or another. Heck, I'm 37 and just went through a big question about what I wanted to do with my life professionally.

Whatever questioning you're doing, you need to listen to yourself first. Deep down, there's probably some part of you that already knows the answer. You just need to give that answer a chance to rise to the surface.

------------------
Remember the Kitten Board Mantra: "Joss is nuts about Tara, Willow/Tara and Amber!"
(...and Marti's rather fond of them, too...)

[aladdin]

My advice for you, Willow Rocks:
a) take yourself seriously. Only you know how serious your feelings are, so don't try to see them as a phase but accept them as something that might define yourself in large dimensions. Which leads to

b) Take your time to get adjusted to this huge change. I think that this Board might provide great help for you, because it shows you how to get comfortable with the situation and how wonderful a same sex relationship can be. With "take your time", I also mean that you shouldn't rush relationships if you're not ready for them. I can just speak for myself: I'm asking myself for years if I might be gay (and I'm about your age) and I still haven't found the answer. But everything became easier when I started to collect information and stopped to put pressure on myself. It's totally OK to have feelings for boys, and it is totally OK to have them for girls as well. You'll find out what or who you want when you fall in love with a person. Not a male or a female, just a person. You'll love her or him for his or her character, not gender. So, not much can really happen, just slow down and see where things are heading. You'll be happy, I promise!

c) There was a c). What was it? Oh yeah: family and friends. I don't know your network, so I can just say that you might want to explore your friends' attitude about homosexuality. I had some pretty heated discussions with some friends (without bringing my personal doubts about myself up) and it was good to see, that there are many who really don't have a problem with it and who would support me. Sad though was seeing my best friend and another good friend failing this "test" and telling me, how perverted gay people are. I don't think our friendship will prevail.
The people who love you will be there for you..and those who are not, don't matter. Your lovelife isn't someone else's business so you don't have to be ashamed for anything you do and it's your responsibility.

Well, so: wait. Get accustomed. And before you do anything, develop your own view on this situation..grow comfortable with it. I think that being able to fall in love with people without having their genders as a barrier, is a gift. Confusing though. But still a gift.

e-mail is in my profile.All the best to you!

------------------
Dawn way, it is: "I take bowl condition nuclear projection."
(Dawns "I'll take a drumstick."-line in babelfish japanese.)

[Xanadu]

Hey Willow Rocks,
I am going through the same kind of thing. I think a lot of the times that I am gay, but then I'll find myself attracted to a guy. The only thing I know for sure is that I'm not straight. So right now, if I must label myself, which I avoid doing since I'm so unsure, I think of myself as bisexual, though I do lean towards women. I don't really have too much advice to you, other than not to pressure yourself too much. You should be who you are, but it's okay if you're not sure who that is yet. I'm almost 20 and I haven't figured it out! I think it happens differently for everyone. I've been going to a Lesbian/Bisexual Questioning support group and it's been really helpful, maybe something like that would help you too. If you ever need to talk, my e-mail's Ames24601@aol.com and I have AIM under the same name.

Amy

[Willow Rocks]

Thanks, all of you do not know how much you have helped already by just saying do what feels right.

willow's girlat the moment i'm just going to follow your example and say i'm attracted to the person not the gender.

aladdin i have found myself doing your part c for a while now and although all my friends say if one of us turned out to be gay, they'd be alright about it, it still does not give me near to enough confidence to even bring it up.

tarasfan,The Partyman,La,Caity,BBOvenGuy,
Xanadu what all of you have said makes perfect sense, listening to my heart/myself sounds really easy until i try to, then all these other voices keep interupting, so i guess my next step is to ignore the voices and listen to me and to stop pressuring myself to find out the answer right now.

And to everyone who offered me to e-mail them, i will take u up on the offers sometime in the near future.

[This message has been edited by Willow Rocks (edited February 17, 2002).]

[wiltar]

And once again I realise why being part of this kitten-family makes me so damn happy!

There's no need to pretend anything, or to be ashamed of. And there are always some great kittens to offer advice!

I myself know for sure that I'm a lesbian, so I can't really give you a lot of advice WR... I'm just gonna go with the 'listen to your heart'... and know that, no matter 'how' you are, us kittens will always be here for you This is us. It doesn't all have to be good and fine. This is the board where you don't have to be brave.

Patricia

------------------
"What are they looking at?"
"The hotness of you, doofus!"

[terrapin]

Wow. I've been going through a similar situation WR. I'm 18 and I still can't really label myself now. I've only had relationships with guys. However, ever since I was young, I knew in some sorta way that I was attracted to girls too. These feelings were brought out gradually. At first, in the beggining of high school, I tried to supress my feelings and just ignore them. But then I started to accept them through the years. Especially after discovering Willow and Tara!!! I know that I am attracted to girls now. It's just who I am. I still haven't come out to anybody. Although, I know that my friends would be supportive. But right now I'm still working through my feelings.

[aladdin]

Willowrocks..I wouldn't bring it up until you are really sure of it..and maybe even proud. I think it really is a self-confidence thing and yes, I think it's altogether the the hardest step! You wouldn't believe how much the thought terrifies me and my Mom even said one day, that she wouldn't mind my brother bringing a guy home one day, or me a girl if it makes us happy. And at the same time I know that she still has prejudices.

Maybe I'm wrong, but take care of yourself first and figure out your true feelings and then worry about the rest. I wish I could help you more and I think you are really brave, that's great!

------------------
Dawn way, it is: "I take bowl condition nuclear projection."
(Dawns "I'll take a drumstick."-line in babelfish japanese.)

[BBOvenGuy]

quote:

---

Originally posted by Willow Rocks:
listening to my heart/myself sounds really easy until i try to, then all these other voices keep interupting, so i guess my next step is to ignore the voices and listen to me and to stop pressuring myself to find out the answer right now.

---

Yeah, it's a lot harder than it sounds, isn't it?

Be patient. Give yourself time and keep practicing at it. You'll get there.

------------------
Remember the Kitten Board Mantra: "Joss is nuts about Tara, Willow/Tara and Amber!"
(...and Marti's rather fond of them, too...)quote:

[Wolfie]

Everybody's said all the things already, and very eloquently, so I'll just add this - keep coming to this board. It'll help. The effect it's had on me has been really quite profound (that's British reserve-speak for earth shatteringly amazing, by the way).

I am a thirty-year-old bloke, who has been with the same woman for 13 years. And very happy, too - not looking for anything more, etc - definite love going on here. But, coming onto this board, and reading all these posts and such, and just looking at myself from time to time has made me finally look at the fact that I might actually be bisexual. And (if I am - still need more thinks on this) I realise that I am totally comfortable with this. And it's all down to this board. If you had asked me a year ago what my sexuality was, I would have said straight - I wear the ring, so, therefore I must be. But there you go. I think what I'm trying to say, is the board is so positive, it gives you a safe space to just sit and think, without any pressure. Take your time. You have your whole life in front of you. And enjoy that little moment of clarity when it comes.

L

------------------
I am the sunlight on the sides of houses.

[WillowOnly]

Since I'm not gay, I can't really tell you much, but the one piece of advice I would like to offer is just do whatever comes naturally to you. Someone will always accept you, and you know everyone here is your friend. Hope that helps.