Author: EndoraVolk
Feedback: If you will.
Spoilers: It talks about Willow's crush on Xander (which is what? first season), then it talks about Oz (second to fourth), and what happened in 'The Body (season five).
Setting: Sunnydale, although the first chapter happens elsewhere. Everyone is some years older and Xander and Anya are married.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Mutant Enemy, I'm just using them in a very blameless, un-guilty way except the secondary (Emily) or tertiary (Laura, Mr. Collins, random students) characters that I made up.
Notes: Hope you like it. Since there are no demons or vampires in the story (no Hellmouth, I guess), Tara and Willow didn't meet in that fourth season night. If anyone finds that this story is familiar to them, it's because I've also posted it in another forum.
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1. Psychology 101
Well, that was… interesting, she thought, slinging the brown leather bag on her shoulder and picking up the suitcase. At least she hadn’t thrown all her stuff out the window. No, she had taken her time. Willow pictured her, meticulously separating all her clothes, folding shirts on the bed and placing them in the suitcase. She also pictured her picking the framed photographs, the laptop, her books and her class notes, and stuffing them inside the leather bag. Lastly, she imagined her losing her patience and tearing at the yellow memories that were Willow’s post-it notes.
Whatever. Beyond imagination, what had happened was simple. Willow had entered the flat and there, was a blue suitcase and a brown bag. Her belongings, her life, just lying there. And Emily, standing at the other side of the barrier that the suitcase formed, her arms crossed and furious tears carving into her cheeks. Willow had raised her eyebrows, kicked the suitcase softly and opened her mouth to speak.
“Did you just stuff my laptop in there? It could… it could break!”
It had been such a dumb thing to say, now she realized it. It would’ve had been so much better to ask “what’s going on?”, or “are you alright?”. Even not saying a thing would’ve been better. But the laptop thing had just come blurting out, like a thought, and there was no way to erase it.
Emily shook her head unbelievingly and rubbed off some dry tears with the back of her hand.
“This is not happening” she sobbed “You haven’t just asked me about your laptop…”
Willow began pronouncing some words, but she figured she’d better not, just in case she managed to come up with something even worse. She kept standing there, while Emily looked away and smiled incredulously, shaking her head again and again.
“Aren’t you going to say something to try to solve this?” she asked defiantly, crossing her arms.
“Do you want to solve this?”
“The question is: do you?”
“No…” Willow sighed and pushed her red hair out of her face “The question is for you. You’re the one that’s packed all my stuff.”
“I’ve just done what you didn’t dare.”
The redhead rose her eyebrows to protest, but she didn’t. Again, she felt silent. Emily was right, again. What if she didn’t win her way back into her arms? She had always managed to be forgiven, what if this time she didn’t try? Emily would want her out of the flat at once, and out of her life. There was still time to make Emily forgive her, like the previous times, but what would be so terrible about grabbing the suitcase and leaving? Willow frowned. She wouldn’t miss a thing.
It was terrible, thinking about those things, because Emily was a person, but it was how Willow felt. Or rather, how she didn’t feel. She didn’t feel much towards the girl standing in front of her. She thought she did, a long time ago, but it was all routine now, and she felt increasing interest towards her work and less towards Emily. She hadn’t done this before because her parents already knew Emily, and her friends were used to the dark-haired, cheerful girl. Willow was too lazy to begin a serious relationship all over again, but now she was sure that she preferred it to this.
“This” wasn’t a relationship anymore, and so it had to be cut. Laziness? Yes, but someone had to do it, and, internally, she thanked Emily for taking the first step. It was her flat, after all. It was fair; after all, she would want to bring her babes here, and Willow still had a home.
“Okay…” she sighed, picking up the suitcase and the leather bag as tenderly as she could.
Emily threw her a dumfounded glare.
“You’re leaving?”
“That’s why suitcases are packed for, aren’t they? To take all your stuff someplace else? So I’m taking it.”
“You’re not going to…? You know, just like that?”
“This time I’m not pleading. You’re right, I’m a disaster, so I’m leaving your life, on to ruining someone else’s.”
“Willow” Emily said, gravely “You’re not a disaster, I wish it was that simple. You… ah, you don’t know who you are.”
“Oh!” Willow grinned “Welcome to Psychology 101. Alright, I confess I missed the psychoanalysis thing. You do it so well…”
“You know? Forget it, take your stuff and that’s it.”
The redhead shrugged and closed the door behind her. She absolutely hated it when Emily began her psychologist routine. At the beginning she had thought it cute. Three years before, when they had met, Emily had delivered a pick-up line that had to do with her Psychology studies. It had seemed amusing to be analyzed, but only at first. Willow couldn’t help wondering how many of her girlfriend’s essays she had been the central topic of.
Not girlfriend… Ex-girlfriend, she thought, resting her forehead on the elevator’s mirror. Now what?, Willow, think. Back home, but not her parents’. Real home: home, home. She stuffed her suitcase inside the car, rested the leather bag that contained her laptop carefully on the seat beside her, and she rode off.
She felt as if she was riding back, as if she was returning from some long journey. Somehow, she had always known that she would return to her hometown, as if Emily was just a chapter that broke the continuity of her life in Sunnydale.
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He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.
(Friedrich Nietzsche)
) but it got Willow back to Sunnydale where she belongs. Looking forward to what's next!
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. Love sam xx
this is a great story. it's bizarre to think of willow being with anyone else but i'm loving that it gives the girls a chance to meet and fall for each other without the "ooh am i gay?" thing being an issue.