Waiting for Dani - Complete 06/11/07

[Auriam]

i this update great !
i'm sorry i didn't post before but i want to write another thing than "it's great" !
It's funny cause i'm doing it now cause i'm afraid i will forget to post something !
I will more creative in the next one !
I'm sorry
But very good upadte indeed !

[JustSkipIt]

Thanks for your patience. It's been a very busy last week at work. I'm working on the next update and may have it as early as tonight or perhaps a few more days. Just depends on writing and time...

The Rose24 – Yes, bad things are coming and yes, I will make them ok. And yes, they’re teenagers so the hormones are quite active. (Plus which hot).

Thanks.

db – Thanks.

Morningstar – That’s a very good thought about Tara forbidding Dani. I would have to say that 1. Marks rights are inherent in the magic and it’s the same magic that gives Tara power over Dani so I think Tara could not actually do that. 2. It’s deeply, deeply, deeply ingrained in these people that marks rights are “ok” so much as Tara is actively trying to deter them, I don’t think she could actually bring herself to overtly forbid them. You know?

I hope that sufficiently answers your question. Thanks for asking.

Cynthia Taz – Don’t worry about lateness. It’s nice to keep getting replies when my next update is longer coming. Yes Dani can not leave Tara on her own. Can Tara give Dani free will? That’s a very good question.

It makes me worry that Dani and Tara's not lovers now... but hopfully in a good way?

Well, Dani is not currently with Tara. I don’t know how you might interpret that. I will say that I meant “then” more in a “after all that” than “compared to now” type way but I could see interpreting it either way. Not married, no.

I would think Dani's action was way beyond a marked servant would feel or act...

I think that’s a reasonable belief and I won’t disagree. I can see agreeing with Tara’s beliefs too.

Lol about new image of Tara.

Auriam – Don’t worry about not posting. I love feedback but I love that everyone reads and enjoys it regardless of feedback too. Thanks.

[sacinema]

You give us more details with every chapter. In the beginning your story just centered on the few people on the estate. With the girls getting older and having responsibilities also their surrondings increase. It seems like the children are mostly centered on the estate and they get to know the outside world when they get older and are adults. I love how you give us very slowly more insight of this society.

The second most prominent thing to me was the constant change between wonderful romantic moments between the girls and the empending doom. Tara’s jealousy – as she knows in the now – is the worst thing ever. I’m not a jealous person myself so I doubt I’m capable to understand jealousy. But to me it seems one of the things that will lead to the further events. Making Tara waiting for Dani. Sad.

It was more as if she were alluding to our relationship in my chambers -- relationship in which I was hardly her Lady and she hardly my servant.

One of the sentences that actually gave me some hope for them. Even if Dani is bound and can’t deny Tara anything, that’s not some relation you could fake.

she quickly discarded all protests as her hands would clutch at the back of my head or my shoulders and she would eventually cry out my name and quiver with pleasure.

Just the same. She must be a good actress to fake all this. But I truly understand that there is some time Tara will question all of Dani’s actions.

When Faith came to Tara for one moment I really feared Dani had spoken with her about everything going on between her and Tara and that Faith went to Tara to talk her out of it. To tell her that Dani only gives into Tara because she has to. I’m so glad I was wrong. But still there is this feeling of Faith knowing something. Sure she keeps it to herself, but I wonder what she is thinking. She wanted to talk, but seemed to not dare to. Not a good sign.

The leaving? I so don’t think this is a good decision. I wonder if this will lead to a great deal of angst. We will see. As always wonderfully written. Thank you. And I can’t wait to see what happens next – full of fear and hope.

Oh, and for the publication worthy? In my humble opinion this story is so worthy. I would have understand any decision for pulling the story of the Internet. All the more I’m thankful you didn’t. But who says you can’t go with the publishing afterwards? Sure the Kittenbord has a lot of members, but there are a lot more people who don’t even know the board exists who could be interested in this wonderful story. I hope I didn’t show any disrespect to the board with this comment. It wasn’t meant to be. Just another way to show my respect to your writing skills.

[JustSkipIt]

One reply and then my next update.

sacinema – Yes, there are more and more characters all the time. My need to chart out the names and nicknames and relationships increases and yet I confess, I haven’t done it. I still have to scroll through my file and remind myself how to spell this servant or that’s name. Arggghhh. Watty would have a spreadsheet on it no doubt. I think that you are right that they intentionally raised to be very Estate centered and then slowly become more associated with the rest of their world.

The second most prominent thing to me was the constant change between wonderful romantic moments between the girls and the empending doom.

Well put. It was a very conscious decision on my part. I think that the next update is a bit lighter on the impending doom. We’ll see what you think. And her jealousy is certainly not a good thing. Or not a good thing in her society although in ours, I think she would probably be about average in it.

One of the sentences that actually gave me some hope for them. Even if Dani is bound and can’t deny Tara anything, that’s not some relation you could fake.

I would agree. Now we’ll just see whether Tara and Dani do…

Just the same. She must be a good actress to fake all this. But I truly understand that there is some time Tara will question all of Dani’s actions.

We’ll see… and we’ll see to your thoughts about Faith.

I’m not sure that the leaving is or is not a good decision. I will say this: the remainder of this story takes place almost exclusively at Maclay East. I don’t know if that’s helpful but it will be the sight of most of the angst.

Re: publication worthy. I appreciate what you’re saying. My understanding is that generally publishers are not interested/willing to publish something which is already available and read for free (even if there is not that big an audience). Still, I love the feedback and enjoy publishing in this forum.

Thank you.

[center][/center]


Story Title – Waiting for Dani

Chapter – 11 – Anne, Faith, Delia, and Dawn’s Marks and the Celebration thereof

Author – JustSkipIt

Pairing – T/W

Feedback – Yes, please

Spoilers – None

Rating – R

Disclaimer – Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own Willow and Tara and the Buffyverse. I’m not saying this universe is totally original but I didn’t steal it from any author or creator that I know of. No copyright infringement is meant by this fic and I will not make any money from it.

Additional and permanent disclaimer – Yadda yadda. Yadda Yadda. Not comfortable. Power imbalance. Etc.

ETA Note - Grimmy pointed out that there was a Caleb in BtVS. I had no intention of using his name so I'm changing it to Jacob in this and future updates.

While my sisters’s marking ceremonies are less pivotal to my story, I remember them much better than my own. On the morning of the marking, Faith and Anne met the remainder of the family for breakfast in the great room. T’solde chose to remain on her Estate now that we had a sitting Lady on our own. The twins’s mood was quite excited although they seemed nervous about the ceremony itself. Tadre and I had met with them privately earlier in the week to describe the procedure and answer questions and concerns. Both had asked about the pain, the herbs, how long the procedure would take, and whether they would feel any difference. We had answered their questions as well as describing the possible sensation of missing something during the fortnight before their servants were bound. I had felt no such sensation but then my yearning for Dani was always intense and constant and this by no means had dissipated following my marking so maybe I just assumed it was the normal.

Breakfast was an enthusiastic and celebratory event. Faith and Donnie entertained us all by playing a game of catch with rolls, moving farther and farther down the hallway until we could see neither of them. On a usual day either myself or Melanie would have stopped them but this day we let it go and laughed along with the rest of the family. Not wanting to be undone, Anne jumped up and ran to the piano to accompany them with a quite ribald song about the considerable skills of various nobles. It wasn’t one that I had heard before although she had a special gift for these type of compositions and in deference to Father and Melanie’s presence, not to mention Tadre, I feel confident she skipped some of the particularly risqué lines. We all found her specific references humorous, in particular Dani, Delia, Dawn, and Delam.

Following breakfast T’dre, Anne, Faith, and I went to the creek for our ritual bathing and supplication. Both of my sisters were sufficiently devout and committed to the sanctity of the day and in fact, took longer in their solo devotion than I expected. T’dre and I made a joint offering that our artistry would be strong and pure. Then we four dressed and approached the tent, reaching it at exactly noon by the sundial near the tent.

Waiting for us was a much larger crowd than had been present for my marking ceremony. I smiled at my love who stood to the side with T’dre’s girl, L’lla. Near them stood Dawn, Delia, and Gael. Directly in front of the tent entrance were my father, Melanie, and Donnie. I joined the marked members of my family as Delia, Dawn, T’dre, and Gael went into the tent to wait for us. We all kissed and hugged my sisters before leading them into the tent. I handed T’dre a gold coin, then crossed to stand next to her as my father handed me the same. My family gave best wishes and departed and D’ni and L’lla entered. Once Gael had given my sisters the numbing salve and a draught each of the herb, he left. We let our servants know that should we need them we would call for them and D’ni and L’lla left. We had discussed having one of them stay in the tent but with T’dre and I; Faith and Anne; and Dawn and Delia in the tent, it was quite crowded.

The twins were quite sufficiently medicated to have little pain and T’dre and I hummed a spell as we worked. It was our first experience with a double-marking and I quite enjoyed the experience. In the past, we had always traded off working together but had never actually worked at the same time on different people. Interestingly, it seemed that our spells built on each other so that each was stronger than it would have been by itself. We traded off frequently so that each of us worked equally on each of my sisters and I enjoyed the partnership so that much that I found myself wishing Dani had this gift so that we could share our magic in this way. Of course, had she this gift, we would not have been able to train her so it was an idle wish. If you wonder of the comparable complexity and elaboration of our marks, I do not know how long my marks took to complete but Dani’s took over 3 and a half hours. We finished Anne and Faith’s marks in just under an hour and a half, checking carefully each other’s work and offering our supplication in prayer at the completion of the project once again.

We gave careful instructions to Dawn and Delia and released them to take the girls back to their rooms. Dani and Lalla followed them to ensure that they understood the instructions and could settle their charges comfortably. T’dre and I completed our documentation of the marks which she gave me as Lady of our estate and then she and I discussed our procedures for a few minutes before both retiring to our rooms for a rest following our powerful magic. I stopped to visit with Gael regarding his applications of further herbs for the girls and finding his answers acceptable, returned to my rooms to lie down. Once there I found myself buzzing too much from the powerful magic and excitement of my sisters’s double marking ceremony to sleep.

I had been in my rooms only a few minutes when Dani joined me, bringing with her a tray of fruit and some tea. She told me that she hadn’t expected me to be able to sleep and felt that I would appreciate a snack which I assured her I did. Quite predictably, when we had finished our snack, I convinced my girl that I could rest much more peacefully with her help and again quite predictably, we did very little resting. I did feel more relaxed though. I felt guilty for having to leave the bed to check on my sisters throughout the afternoon but they rested well and seemed in very little pain.

Dawn and Delia were doing fine jobs in caring for their future Mistresses and I praised both of them their efforts. The dinner table that night was somewhat quieter and calmer than we were used with four of our diners absent but my father, Melanie, and I assured ourselves and each other that the girls were in relative comfort.

In the morning we repeated the ritual from my marking with myself, T’dre, and Gael visiting my sisters first to inspect the marks and give them further herbs. T’dre and I offered a sincere prayer for the power and purity of the marks and evaluated the radiating magic for the five successful aspects. My father, Melanie, and Donnie joined us and my sisters’ marks were revealed to our great joy. Some ungenerous corner of my heart thinks that Anne was a little too joyful at seeing my father and I and even Melanie and Donnie (with their four marks each) bow down to them as the marks were revealed but I can forgive her a weakness of vanity as I do love her with all my heart. The formal addresses were multiplied for the double marking and our full titles took a while to exchange but very quickly we all hugged and kissed each other with joy and pride. From then on my sisters were quite busy with visits from Dawn, Delia, Dani, Delam, and every other member of the household. I had drawn for each of them an intricate drawing which showed their profiles but interlaced them in such a way that only by looking from one angle or another could the viewer clearly see one of them. I had commissioned Xander to make a fine frame for each piece and he refused payment, swearing that it could be his gift to them if I did not mind. In this, my girl’s friend continued to show his honor and generosity. Dani spent much of the day directing visits to their rooms to show the hierarchy of the nobility and servants of the house, a responsibility which I assume Delam must have performed for my marking and of which I was unaware until that day.

Again, in deference to the length of my tale, I will move more quickly. My sisters’ marks healed wonderfully and they were in their usual spirits over the fortnight. Faith and Dawn and Anne and Delia both embarked on journeys although Faith and Dawn looked more like they sought a big-game adventure and Delia and Anne looked as they would ride over the nearest rise and set up tents fit for a queen to drink tea with their pinkies raised for the next day. Their return was uneventful and all four bathed in the creek to purify themselves for the ceremony.

And of course the crowd for this double marking was even larger than the one before. Delia’s father attended although I had to wonder if he merely desired the rich meal and drink we gave him before his departure. I had found him, each time we met, thoroughly lower class and disagreeable and was happy to see him leave late that afternoon. Dawn I felt badly for. She had come to me earlier this week to ask if I would be willing to “give” her to Faith. Her request was an honor and I was sad to have to tell her that as a member of the Estate, I would not be eligible to do so, nor would Melanie. Even T’solde would not be able to do the honor. The dark-haired girl was quite composed and respectful in her acceptance of this answer but I could see how sad and a little scared she was to be entering the marking by herself. I had thought as she left the room how she rarely seemed her fourteen summers but that day she had seemed no older. The size of the group notwithstanding, all pledges and commitments were given smoothly and clearly. Dawn was proud and clearly devoted to Faith and Delia was, if anything, too proud to be devoted to Anne. A wonderful pair they made.

As we had done for their Mistresses, T’dre and I traded off frequently so that each of us had an equal opportunity to work on Delia and Dawn. With no herbs, their markings of course hurt them but they handled the hour and a half (14 anchors each) with dignity and my sisters did a fine job of comforting their servants. D’rek and D’le ferried the girls back to their rooms although in this case, I would have been able to magically take them back had we not had the available and qualified servants. The next day we witnessed their marks, praised them, and gave them abundant gifts. For Dawn, hunting supplies and a fine horse and saddle made up her majority while Delia received countless gowns and similar “indoor” items.

Throughout this period and right up until the celebration, Dani pursued dual tasks. With help from Melanie, Anne, and Faith as well as the servants thereof, we administered the celebratory preparations. With every free moment from that planning, we organized our upcoming move to Maclay East. Frequently we met with my father to ask questions and determine the best approach to this move. While Dani had seemed shocked at the idea initially, she had warmed to it quite thoroughly. I believe that she saw it as an opportunity to prove her skills even more forcefully than we had previously observed them. She agreed that it was an excellent opportunity for both of us and had shyly confessed to me in the privacy of our rooms that she would miss the social festivities no more than would I. She went so far as to whisper that she could think of no greater desire than my constant company and I allowed myself to hope...

At my father’s urging we carefully planned our expedition including the staff we would take with us. We offered all staff the opportunity to go with our group and then carefully decided whom should be deployed so. Dani and Delam spent hours and hours in consultation to determine the staff members that should best compliment our certain needs while leaving Maclay Main (as we had begun to call our Estate) in no worse shape. I had urged Dani that D’Shel was more than welcome, fearing my girl would be lonely so far from our family and not a little desiring her sauces for our own kitchen, but Dani admitted to feeling quite accustomed to the thought of so much independence. She was sleeping less and less these days and I found her speaking more and more excitedly about the adventure she craved.

I don’t remember who initially suggested the addition to our party but Faith and Dawn were scheduled to accompany us. It was unclear how long they would stay, perhaps a month or more, but their help would no doubt be invaluable. After consulting with Faith I had also commissioned Master Stefan for our project. He was, while quite skilled, somewhat extraneous at the Finn Estate and was considering joining military service but did not wish to be bound to the deployment whims of the administration. I, however, quite needed a game steward and his military fitness would come in helpful if we encountered any vagrancy or resistance along our way. His servant, Jacob, I did not rightly remember as making an impression at my celebration but Dani reported that he was loyal and strong even if his mental acuity lacked a certain… presence as she put it.

Finally, Xander had determined to accompany us. I do not know for sure whether he instigated the idea or whether Dani asked him but when they came to explain the reasoning behind his commitment, the rationale was quite strong. We were certain to need his carpentry skills and Stewart Giles confirmed that the village had only a semi-skilled man in the field. This move would, quite similar to Dani and myself, give the young man opportunity to excel on his own rather than in his father’s shadow. Included in the list of reasons he should come were that he could juggle and play a fiddle and just to tease him, I asked him to demonstrate but my mind was already favorably decided.

In spite of our excitement over our move, we had to focus on my sisters’s celebration. This time I shared duties with my father and Melanie to greet each visitor. Anne had done a serviceable job of assigning rooms, requiring only a few shuffles by myself or our father. She was helped by the fact that fewer nobles were attending: only 71 of the rooms would be full rather than the 103 at my celebration.

The Finn Estate was, of course, the first to arrive and with Faith and Anne sequestered, Riley seemed quite everywhere. He was perfectly respectable and noble but each interaction I had with him made me long my days at Maclay East – far from anyone approaching my station and suitors of any sort. Stefan joined myself and Dani in finalizing our plans for departure a week later.

My father and I presented Anne and Delia, Faith and Dawn much as my presentation had been completed but without a display of magic. Our receiving line of Father, D’rek, myself, D’ni, A’ne, D’lia, F’th, and D’wn was greeted first by T’solde and last by the servants of our own house. The food was exquisite, music perfectly paced, and order of dancing strictly observed.

I…

How do I say this?

I was not fair. I kept Dani more busy than she should have been, barely allowing her to take a bite of her dinner. I sent another servant with a plate to our rooms so that my girl would later have something to eat. I invented reason after reason to keep my girl from being in the room with Lord LeFleur, Lord Finn, and even Lord Martin. I need a wrap. She needed a wrap. Please check the deserts. Please check the weather. Please confirm the condition of the horses. Her return was slow enough that I felt she understood my intent and purposely dawdled. LeFleur and Finn both asked where she was when dancing with me under the pretext of admiring her beauty, intelligence, and skill but I suspected their motives and it turned my stomach. Finally they both chose other partners for the evening and I allowed Dani to stay in the room a bit longer to dance with the Masters Stefan and Donnie and a few other lower-ranked men.

And my machinations could hardly be criticized. My girl was radiant. Perhaps more radiant than at our celebration. She danced like musical perfection and her every move was fluidity in motion. Every time she passed me, I was compelled to reach out my hand and brush it against her hip or back and my heart speeded up with every touch. We left the ballroom after staying an appropriate amount of time and barely had the door shut before she was in my arms. She laughed at the enormous plate of food and we… I fed her many tasty morsels. D’shel’s famous sauces we put to particularly good use.

She slept deeply but I had more trouble falling into slumber. Something I could not identify tickled at the back of my mind but each time I thought I might ensnare the thought, it ran away again. I believe it was more morning than night when I finally dozed and in my dreams I held tighter and tighter to my love but when she turned to face me her countenance was reminiscent of the drawing I had made of my sisters: one face was happy and loving while the other was pained and crestfallen.

Our competitions turned out similarly over the day and a half. Faith and Stefan again took most riding and hunting championships and Dani triumphed in Chest, this time beating the oldest Master LeFleur, older than his sister by less than a Summer I guessed. Due to the drawing of the competition brackets, she defeated Lord LeFleur to reach the final game while Master LeFleur defeated yours truly quite handily to do the same.

That night I barely allowed Dani to get her breath so busy was I keeping her from the ballroom. I even sent her into town to pick up a completely unnecessary serving bowl allowing me a few hours free of my worries. When I feared that I could not keep her away from potential partners any longer again I feel ashamed to admit this … I … A large chocolate trifle somehow overturned on Lord LeFleur and Lord Finn strangely twisted his ankle while dancing. I was cruel and this does not show well on my hosting. I only wish this were the worst of my sins of that period.

The next morning she lay on my chest and placed kiss after kiss on my neck in a way that made me muddleheaded as she teased me for my propensity to send her on ridiculous errands. “You did not feel the serving dish was necessary?” I teased through my haze.

Dani giggled. “No more necessary than any other excuse for avoiding the Lords LeFleur and Finn.”

“What about Lord Martin?” Dani laughed again, quite more boisterously, and then whispered in my ear a few bits of information about my uncle which quite put my concerns for his interests at ease.

My next whisperings were no less risqué and the next hour or two passed quickly before we found we had to rise for the final day of the celebration.

At the villager celebration we introduced Xander and Stefan who got along famously in spite of the difference in their stations. I formally approached Mr. Builds regarding Xander’s disposition and the man was greatly supportive of his son’s chances. He did pull me aside to confess that he truly did not have the coin to spare his son a stake in the new village and seemed quite crestfallen to admit such. I assured him that we would see to it that Xander had the opportunities he deserved.

I was happy to see both of my sisters engaged so happily with their respective suitors. Riley was like a bull jealously staking his territory to let all others know that he would have Anne’s hand in marriage soon enough. Stefan’s approach was more relaxed and it seemed that he and Faith were quite a pair. My youngest sister told me in confidence that while they had not settled an engagement, he was determined that they not embarrass themselves with a premature arrival. Of course, in this she had quite more freedom than him for she could only profit by delivering a magic user within or without marriage while he would be quite ruined to do so outside of marriage. Donnie and Melissa were the most restrained young couple in our group and I could not tell that they felt great passion for each other although they seemed very companionable. My father and Melanie were pleased with all three matches and told me so. I noticed that they did not mention a match for me and felt even more pleased with that. Presumably they felt I should concentrate on Maclay East but I’ve wondered for many months just what they knew and just when they knew it regarding my relationship with Dani.

In all, the preparations for both the celebration and the move were complete. The guests left, excepting Stefan and Jacob, well impressed with the Maclay name and we took a few days to rest before beginning the next adventure of our young lives.

[tazraven]

Oh! Dibs!

*skips off to read the chapter*

Feedback: Ok, so I find myself... uncomfortable would be the right word, I guess. You keep making me go back and forth on the subject of Tara. Sometimes I think she sort of starts to grasp the inequalities of the relationship she shares with Dani. Of course, then the next chapter all my hopes for her understanding go away.

This chapter made me uneasy. I don't like what Tara is doing. I guess there could be a humerous way to view her actions, but to me it seems as if she's just, well... how can I put this delicately? She's being, well, selfish and a tad bitchy. That's the only way I can describe it.

I also find myself no longer wondering about a happy ending for Dani and Tara. In fact, I'm mostly just hoping that Tara wises up. It pains me to see how irresponsible and immature she's acting.

You really know how to totally change my views on a character with a single chapter. Amazing.

~Sara

[Willowtree252]

All I can say is Tara has become obsessive and over the edge to say I can,t look it an understatement because I know when it all come,s together you are going to blow my mind. Then there is a part of me that say,s wait if it were me would I want anyone to lay a hand on my girl. So going agianst everyone else I say I understand a bit of what she is feeling. Let me go further and say that everyone talk,s about how thay don,t like the marking,s and what thay hold the girl,s to but that is the sign of the time,s so what real choice do thay have a woman standing up to a way of life and saying hell no my girl is free and I want to be equal hell I want that in 2007! You already know I think you are brilliant Deb

[PancakesinBellies]

As always, this is a fantastic update, but I still can't say I feel comfortable with their relationship. I have that uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach because I know something is going to go wrong. It's like a train wreck-I want to look away but I'm left staring in horror as it goes over the cliff. But I trust you to know what you're doing. I know that the power imbalance is something that you personally struggled with, and I wanted to say that the way you've managed to portray it takes a lot of finesse: Tara knows *now* that she was wrong, and yet she still struggling to speak through her grief and explain why it felt right at the time. It's something that's difficult to articulate (even when it comes to feedback!) and so I must commend you for it. I hope RL slows down for you!

[JujuDeRoussie]

Hello !!!

Yaaay a new update

Oh my god!! Tara's obsessed!!! I feel bad for her... and I fear for Dani...
Now I have stopped to imagine what is coming... you toture us you know?

I was not fair

she knows it now, but when she did all those things to Dani, did she realise why she did that or it is an afterthought?

one face was happy and loving while the other was pained and crestfallen.

It hurts...

It was a good update as always, but I have a question: Do we have to see Tara's madness jealousie for long again?
kidding

Thank you

Julia

[dlline]

Again I say Deb, Deb, Deb…

This is some seriously twisted stuff here. I see glimmers of hope, I see fun stuff, and then I go outside to scratch my back on the tree because that damn itch has returned. So, I’ll break it down (mostly so I can digest it), and see what’s really going on. It's a little long, but I have a lot of concerns.

"She went so far as to whisper that she could think of no greater desire than my constant company and I allowed myself to hope..."
"Her return was slow enough that I felt she understood my intent and purposely dawdled."
"The next morning she lay on my chest and placed kiss after kiss on my neck in a way that made me muddleheaded as she teased me for my propensity to send her on ridiculous errands."

Ok… here I see Dani apparently fully cognizant of Tara’s affections, and seems to be returning them with something more than a servant’s wish to please her mistress. Again, you tease with the POV, so we can only see the two-dimensional picture, and we all know how deceptive that can be.

"His servant, Caleb, … was loyal and strong even if his mental acuity lacked a certain… presence as she put it."

What a great way for Dani to say he wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. I just liked this part. It was funny.

"I was not fair. I kept Dani more busy than she should have been..."
"I invented reason after reason to keep my girl from being in the room…"
"…but I suspected their motives and it turned my stomach."
"…I allowed Dani to stay in the room a bit longer…"
"That night I barely allowed Dani to get her breath so busy was I keeping her from the ballroom. … allowing me a few hours free of my worries."

Wow, Tara, control freak much? Ouch. Major ouch. The jealousy is almost overwhelming, and to quote tazraven’s earlier comment, kinda bitchy. The sense of foreboding I feel here is based on my own views on the destructiveness of jealousy, and Tara just doesn’t get that. Maybe she’s just “lacking a certain…presence.” But I don’t think that’s it. Or maybe it is. I just don’t freaking know! Ack!

"…her countenance was reminiscent of the drawing I had made of my sisters: one face was happy and loving while the other was pained and crestfallen.

Well, maybe she sees it, just doesn’t get it. Why would Dani be unhappy? She has everything she needs and Tara loves her. She definitely seems to have some sliver of an inkling that Dani has some kind of problem, but I’m not sure what that means.

… I’ve wondered for many months just what they knew and just when they knew it regarding my relationship with Dani.

At least Tara is developing an awareness that her actions with Dani are not safe under some metaphorical cloak of invisibility. But, there’s that nagging sense that Tara isn’t aware of a whole lot where Dani is concerned. Once again, I find myself wanting to smack her on the back of her lovely head. Hard.

Well, in conclusion, and at the risk of being rude, you’ve woven one really fucked-up basket here, Deb. I don’t think it will hold water, and I can’t imagine how it could possibly hold a happy ending. Well done.

Great update… can’t wait for more.

[Emms]

Excellent chapter, Debra.

I find it so interesting the way that you're able to situate subtle character points from Cannon into this story... there's been so many instances of it throughout this tale, (and If I had time or a better memory I would list them all ) but the most recent is how Tara is willing to go to the extreme to keep people away from Dani--even going so far as to "twist" someone's ankle in order to incapacitate them. Cannon had Tara putting a spell on people, (and ultimately getting them hurt), and sabotaging other spells in order to keep people from finding out about what she perceived her true identity to be. And it is Tara's willingness to go to extremes that's a major part of Tara's ultimate character (IMO)

What has me worried the most about this Tara is that she seems to be completely obsessed with Dani-- I mean, I know she's been obsessed all along, but ever since they got their Marks things seem to be getting worse... Tara is just so possessive, and even though Dani seems to understand and appreciate Tara's efforts, I can't help but feel like Tara is headed toward a downward spiral.

In some ways I feel like Tara has yet to grow up and that she's been too coddled, getting everything handed to her (even Dani) and I worry that when she finally wakes up and realizes that it's a dream world she's been living in and that Dani exists outside of her wants and needs that she's either going to have to grow up really fast or like I said... head into that downward spiral...either way I think the time for her to come to her senses is nearing at a blinding pace.

In other ways though, I think Tara is so poised, and to the outside world she seems to be in complete control.

I can't wait to see how this goes for them--Tara and Dani-- and I can't wait to see how/if you rectify the power imbalance between them... because if there's ever going to be assurance in Tara's mind of Dani's true feelings for her, then she's going to have to know that it comes from Dani and not from the bonds of their Markings.

Cant wait for the next chapter, Debra. Love this fic.

xoxo
Emms

[Tujeky]

Just caught up with this fic, but I am so thrilled to be along for the ride!

What struck me from the beginning about this story is how totally in the dark we are about Dani's thoughts/feelings/self. Usually, Willow always makes herself known with her babbling, etc. but not here.
And not knowing heightens all the unease I feel about their relationship, because every time she does or says something, I'm not sure what the motivations are behind it, or how she feels about the situation.
For example, we have an idea of when Dani first learns of her role of servitude (through Tara's POV, which makes it even more mysterious) and that she accepts it. But does she accept it begrudgingly as her lot in life? Does she have similar feelings to Tara, that it will forever bring the two of them together? Is she happy? angry? sad?
I'm deliciously frustrated with not knowing!

This most recent update holds more of the same for me. It is clear that Dani is aware of Tara's motives for sending her on pointless errands, and even ribs Tara a little for it. What is unclear is what she thinks about it in terms of their relationship...or "situation" may be a better word for it.

If servants are not expected to give an opinion - or even have one - do they still? When the societal structure dictates and limits your life into a box, how much else can exist?

I'm ripping my hair out with every update hoping to find some resolution, even as I hope that you prolong this torture just a little bit longer.

In a nutshell, this is fantastic. More.

[db]

Crap in a handbasket.

I wrote feedback yesterday but it got all eaten by the monster in the computer I am borrowing. Please forgive all my quote-y-ness, I am having a difficult time reconstructing my original feedback.

So. Yeah. Feedback.

My main point was that, this chapter seemed like a setback for Tara in terms of her insight and treatment of Dani... Even though Tara has come to realize that she isn't being "fair", or that she is "behaving poorly", she has failed to change her behavior, and, in fact has escalated it. She is isolating, and manipulating Dani so that she can have her for herself -- which is, in my opinion, an extension of this sense of ownership that Tara has yet to let go of.

Tara speaks of not being fair, barely "allowing" Dani to eat, "allowing" Dani to dance with people of Tara's chosing. She even admits to shame at her behavior (but I suspect it is more of a cultural sort of shame than a personal relationship shame at this point):

When I feared that I could not keep her away from potential partners any longer again I feel ashamed to admit this … I … A large chocolate trifle somehow overturned on Lord LeFleur and Lord Finn strangely twisted his ankle while dancing. I was cruel and this does not show well on my hosting. I only wish this were the worst of my sins of that period

I find it interesting, and telling, that Tara notes Dani's shock at the idea of moving away, and acknowledges her bad behavior in regard to controlling Dani, but brushes it off. She is in denial -- she knows how intelligent Dani is, and how poorly she is behaving. For someone so used to giving Dani credit for her tremendous intelligence, she is failing to acknowledge that Dani really sees what she is doing.

The next morning she lay on my chest and placed kiss after kiss on my neck in a way that made me muddleheaded as she teased me for my propensity to send her on ridiculous errands.

.

Still, despite the "one step forward, two steps back" nature of this update in terms of Tara's behavior, I *do* continue to see it as furthering this "beginning of the beginning" concept I spoke of last time. In fact, in it's own subtle way, I see it as being Tara's biggest step yet. This is why:

. I held tighter and tighter to my love but when she turned to face me her countenance was reminiscent of the drawing I had made of my sisters: one face was happy and loving while the other was pained and crestfallen.

Yes. This is it!

At least subconciously, Tara is beginning to suspect that Dani is in emotional pain; even, perhaps, that she is the cause. This is huge. Until now it has all been rose petals and bunny fur in Tara's eyes. So, even though I suspect that Tara is not ready to admit that she has contributed to the pain, I think that this concept of Dani being unhappy has entered her brain and is going to stick and niggle at her.

Don't get me wrong. Tara has a looooong way to go. She hasn't even admitted that there is a problem with the societal structure. She is to enmeshed with it, she can't see how she is perpetuating something that is hurting the woman she loves.

I think that there is a certain amount of upper-class shelteredness and maybe some naivete or immaturity involved... but ultimately I think that it is inexperience. Being a part of this social structure has never hurt Tara, so she finds it difficult to imagine that it is painful for anyone else... this is not an excuse, just an observaiton of where I think she is at.

Things I loved about this update:

I loved the descriptions -- the subtle introspections that are leading Tara (albeit slowly) to the important realizations she needs to come to. I loved the hint about shared magic, and the subtle tweak to herself re: wishing she could share the marks making with Dani and acknowleging that Dani could never get trained (yay for subtle tugging at heart strings!) I also loved the hint at the fact that her family has an idea about her relationship with Dani (yay)!

As always, *great* thought provoking update, Debra!

db

[spells42]

Debra
I've been remiss in my lack of feedback for this fic - I always find time to read it tho'.

As ever you continue with the rich descriptions of life and culture in this world, and the complex thoughts, emotions and motivations in Tara's memory of her life. One (of the many) things I like about this story is the ever present knowledge that this is a memory, and the present reality is Tara, sitting in the dark, waiting... waiting for Dani. This knowledge sits at the back of my mind, like the ghost at the feast, influencing the brilliant (as in, like a jewel) scene playing out before me with a vein of foreboding.

I don't think I can stand it any more... what the h*** happened?!!!


Anne

[JustSkipIt]

Sara – Dibs for you again. Tee hee. I totally get uncomfortable as your reaction. It’s a pretty valid one I think.

Sometimes I think she sort of starts to grasp the inequalities of the relationship she shares with Dani. Of course, then the next chapter all my hopes for her understanding go away.

Good point. Of course, I think it’s important to note that she’s telling the story from her now and inserting some bits of understanding from now into the then. So maybe she didn’t understand it then but maybe now she does. You know?

I’m interested that everyone dislikes Tara’s actions so much in this chapter. I can see that because she’s acting outside the social constraints of her world but on the other hand, she’s kind of “saving” Dani from her own fate. I don’t know …

I also find myself no longer wondering about a happy ending for Dani and Tara. In fact, I'm mostly just hoping that Tara wises up. It pains me to see how irresponsible and immature she's acting.

We’ll see how that may change or not in the next few chapters.

Thanks.

Dianneswillowtree – I don’t disagree that Tara is obsessive.

Then there is a part of me that say,s wait if it were me would I want anyone to lay a hand on my girl. So going agianst everyone else I say I understand a bit of what she is feeling.

I’m glad to hear that because even if what she’s doing is wrong and she’s going about it in the wrong way, she does intend to keep Dani from something that she doesn’t believe Dani wants either. So I don’t think she’s that different from what any of us would want for our lover. And you are right that it’s the social custom but that doesn’t make it right.

Thanks.

PancakesinBellies – Hello and thank you. I wouldn’t really expect you to feel comfortable with the relationship.

I have that uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach because I know something is going to go wrong. It's like a train wreck-I want to look away but I'm left staring in horror as it goes over the cliff.

That’s a pretty good description. I hope that when “it” happens everyone is sufficiently satisfied but we’ll see.

Thanks for your kind words regarding the power imbalance. You are right that it’s a real challenge to portray it in a way that makes it clear that it truly is the central conflict here rather than something, I don’t know… fun, to play with.

Tara knows *now* that she was wrong, and yet she still struggling to speak through her grief and explain why it felt right at the time.

Thanks for that observation. It’s a delicate balance to realize that it’s only now that Tara realizes that what she did was inherently wrong but that at the time she was acting as a completely love-struck woman and she really had no idea that she was violating the woman she loved.

Thanks for your wonderful comments. RL is going very well: just busy but I’m writing pretty steadily. Thanks.

Julia – I’m not trying to torture you at all. It’s just the pacing and telling of the story I guess. Yes, Tara is a bit on the obsessed side. Consciously I think that she’s just trying to save both herself and Dani something that (she believes) Dani doesn’t want. But within that social custom, she is definitely violating the custom.

I was not fair

she knows it now, but when she did all those things to Dani, did she realise why she did that or it is an afterthought?

I’m actually really fascinated that it seems that everyone read this line to indicate that she was not fair to Dani. I have to admit that I meant it more that she was not fair to the Lords (again thinking of the rules of her world) rather than that she was not fair to Dani. But I guess it could be that.

[quote Do we have to see Tara's madness jealousie for long again? [/quote]We’ll see (that’s always my answer).

Thanks.

Diane –

Again I say Deb, Deb, Deb…

And sound a little like my mother…

This is some seriously twisted stuff here. I see glimmers of hope, I see fun stuff, and then I go outside to scratch my back on the tree because that damn itch has returned.

Yes to that.

a little long, but I have a lot of concerns.

Yay for long…

Quote:
"She went so far as to whisper that she could think of no greater desire than my constant company and I allowed myself to hope..."
"Her return was slow enough that I felt she understood my intent and purposely dawdled."
"The next morning she lay on my chest and placed kiss after kiss on my neck in a way that made me muddleheaded as she teased me for my propensity to send her on ridiculous errands."

Ok… here I see Dani apparently fully cognizant of Tara’s affections, and seems to be returning them with something more than a servant’s wish to please her mistress. Again, you tease with the POV, so we can only see the two-dimensional picture, and we all know how deceptive that can be.

I think that your interpretation of Dani’s actions/words is quite accurate but as you point out, it’s not really an assessment of Dani’s words and actions-rather an assessment of Tara’s telling of Dani’s words and actions. So by the time you get through this very flawed narrator, it’s very hard to tell just what all this means.

Quote:
"His servant, Caleb, … was loyal and strong even if his mental acuity lacked a certain… presence as she put it."

What a great way for Dani to say he wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. I just liked this part. It was funny.

I really racked my brain to come up with someone from cannon who I could use as Stefan’s servant who could be kind of strong and dumb. Everyone I could think of (Billy, Parker, that woosy Emily Dickenson fan from “Never Kill a Boy on a First Date”…) totally would have irritated me so I just made one up.


Quote:
"I was not fair. I kept Dani more busy than she should have been..."
"I invented reason after reason to keep my girl from being in the room…"
"…but I suspected their motives and it turned my stomach."
"…I allowed Dani to stay in the room a bit longer…"
"That night I barely allowed Dani to get her breath so busy was I keeping her from the ballroom. … allowing me a few hours free of my worries."

\Wow, Tara, control freak much? Ouch. Major ouch. The jealousy is almost overwhelming, and to quote tazraven’s earlier comment, kinda bitchy. The sense of foreboding I feel here is based on my own views on the destructiveness of jealousy, and Tara just doesn’t get that. Maybe she’s just “lacking a certain…presence.” But I don’t think that’s it. Or maybe it is. I just don’t freaking know! Ack!

I’m quoting your entire response here. On one hand I agree with you that Tara is totally out of control and way over the edge in her actions. On the other, I think there’s a way to look at it that would be a lot more generous toward her. Let’s put her motivations aside for a moment. Can we agree that for a Lord to take marks-rights with Dani (or any servant) generally subverts that servant’s free will? If so, then Tara’s actions to deter the Lords serve to allow Dani to avoid having her free will subverted. Of course, I think that the issue with this is that it all depends on Tara’s motivation. Is Tara’s motivation that she wants Dani’s free will to remain intact as a human being or is it that she doesn’t want to share her possession? Very honestly, I believe that Tara can not realize the more noble of the two motivations because to do so would force her to examine her own use of Dani. I’ve probably just given too much of my own reasoning here but I’m interested to see what you think of it.

Well, maybe she sees it, just doesn’t get it. Why would Dani be unhappy? She has everything she needs and Tara loves her. She definitely seems to have some sliver of an inkling that Dani has some kind of problem, but I’m not sure what that means.

I think that’s a pretty accurate summation of Tara’s current level of understanding. Something in her subconscious wants her to know that something is wrong with this “picture” but she’s not ready to understand it just yet.

Re: cloak of invisibility. I agree that Tara’s gaining an awareness that others might be noticing something strange about her relationship with Dani. My question is this? What will that mean? She isn’t going to lose her status as Lady right? And will anyone else actually question her actions? I’m not saying that they will but I’m not saying that they won’t either. After all: Dani is actually her possession right?

Once again, I find myself wanting to smack her on the back of her lovely head. Hard.

Seems a common instinct these days.

Well, in conclusion, and at the risk of being rude, you’ve woven one really fucked-up basket here, Deb. I don’t think it will hold water, and I can’t imagine how it could possibly hold a happy ending. Well done.

Ha ha. I’m loving such a mixed message here. A totally “fucked-up” basket and well done. To tell the honest truth, I’m not 100% sure that all readers will be satisfied with the conclusion to this story as far as holding a happy-ending. I will say that it will of course fulfill the KB FAQs; whether you judge it to be enough will be up to you.

Thanks.

Emms – Thank you. I’m so excited about your comparison between this update and cannon Tara’s actions. You’re absolutely spot-on that both Tara’s are willing to go to extreme, even dangerous extent to keep someone from her Willow or to keep her Willow for herself. That’s an excellent point and I would say that both of them see the motivation (that they love Willow so much) to be the same.

I agree that Tara is obsessed and that it’s growing more. I will say though that I think her obsession is growing in lockstep with two factors: their sexual relationship and the threat she perceives of another taking marks-rights with Dani. Before their marks, both women were safe from threat of sexual contact but now Dani is “out there” for the taking. And that scares the living **** out of Tara. She’s willing to go to great lengths to avoid that happening.

You are right that in many ways Tara is still a child. She knows how to lead and rule but how to have a loving relationship? That’s a totally different horse. She thinks that as long as she loves Dani passionately and Dani loves her (as she believes), everything is ok. But you are right that something is coming.

In other ways though, I think Tara is so poised, and to the outside world she seems to be in complete control.

Absolutely.

I can't wait to see how this goes for them--Tara and Dani-- and I can't wait to see how/if you rectify the power imbalance between them... because if there's ever going to be assurance in Tara's mind of Dani's true feelings for her, then she's going to have to know that it comes from Dani and not from the bonds of their Markings.

Very well put.

Thanks.

Tujeky – Welcome! I’m quite happy to see you and hope you continue to enjoy the fic.

What struck me from the beginning about this story is how totally in the dark we are about Dani's thoughts/feelings/self. Usually, Willow always makes herself known with her babbling, etc. but not here.

Excellent observation. I’m intentionally using Tara as a flawed and unreliable narrator.

Your questions regarding Dani’s acceptance of her role and her motivation for that acceptance are very good ones. In my planning, there is a definite reason for all of Dani’s actions/non-actions but I’m not ready to share those motivations with either Tara or the reader yet.

I'm deliciously frustrated with not knowing!

Excellent!

It is clear that Dani is aware of Tara's motives for sending her on pointless errands, and even ribs Tara a little for it. What is unclear is what she thinks about it in terms of their relationship...or "situation" may be a better word for it.

Agreed. Dani is absolutely in the know about everything that Tara is doing and what she thinks about it? Do you think that she has the freedom to truly have an opinion? Or do you think that she’s not even capable of separating her wishes and wants from her Mistress’s?

Thanks for your great comments. More to come.

db – Man, I so totally get it about the monster eating the feedback. I used to write a lot of fb within the EZBoard but I kept losing it so now I do it in a word processor (yes, MS Word) and then cut and paste it. It means that I can’t see those amusing little icons but it’s better for not losing my comments all the time.

I wouldn’t disagree that Tara has regressed somewhat here. I think that in a way she thinks there are just a few more days or a week until she can let go and loosen up. She just wants to make it through that time period with her… well her hold on Dani intact. If we were feeling tremendously generous, I think we could say that she wants to protect Dani’s “virtue” but I don’t see that view as being greatly justified at this point.

She is isolating, and manipulating Dani so that she can have her for herself -- which is, in my opinion, an extension of this sense of ownership that Tara has yet to let go of.

Hmmm. It’s quite interesting that you put it that way. Please keep in mind that it’s not that Tara has a “sense of ownership” of Dani. It’s actual ownership. Dani is, for lack of a more respectful way of putting it, Tara’s possession. I’m not saying that it’s a good system but Tara’s wish to own and possess Dani is, in fact, granted.

I’m not sure that Tara’s comment that she wasn’t fair is directly entirely at Dani. I actually believe that it’s more in relation to her respect for the Lords and marks-rights. Whether she was fair to Dani, I believe, is less important to her at this point. You make the comment that is seems more a cultural shame than a personal one and I think that observation is spot-on. She I ashamed in terms of her support of the caste system that she benefits so greatly from rather than feeling that she has wronged Dani.

I again like the idea of the beginning of the beginning. You are very correct that this is the beginning of the beginning. The next update will be all about the journey to their new home and how that setting will begin to affect their relationship. And Tara’s subconscious is starting to tell her that something is wrong.

At least subconciously, Tara is beginning to suspect that Dani is in emotional pain; even, perhaps, that she is the cause. This is huge. Until now it has all been rose petals and bunny fur in Tara's eyes. So, even though I suspect that Tara is not ready to admit that she has contributed to the pain, I think that this concept of Dani being unhappy has entered her brain and is going to stick and niggle at her.

Sounds like a good idea…

You are right that Tara is miles from questioning the social structure. I think it’s notable that although Tara was so opposed to Dani being in pain for her marking that she went around tradition/rule to slip her drugs (even against Dani’s wishes) but you may note that she made no comments of empathy regarding how Dawn or Delia took the pain nor the other servants she marked. She is perfectly happy to be part of the system that creates master/servant or mistress/servant pairs but she doesn’t like the idea of Dani being hurt.

Thanks for the notes on what you loved. I’m thrilled with your comments and feedback.

Deb

Anne – Don’t worry about the feedback. You know I love it but I’m happy to have you read too.

One (of the many) things I like about this story is the ever present knowledge that this is a memory, and the present reality is Tara, sitting in the dark, waiting... waiting for Dani. This knowledge sits at the back of my mind, like the ghost at the feast, influencing the brilliant (as in, like a jewel) scene playing out before me with a vein of foreboding.

Very beautifully put. And yes, that’s quite important.

I don't think I can stand it any more... what the h*** happened?!!!

Not that much longer…

Thanks.

[morningstar]

i love how your feedback just makes all of us (well at least me) have a billion more questiones to ask!

which just goes to show how much we love the story. but i find myself missing Willow's point of view (and i wish it were in there but it is YOUR story so i am not trying to critizise or anything) and just her genrealy being the Willow that is all babbely but diffrent life which makes her diffrent.

well cant wait for the next update! (much better than the book i have to read for lit...)

[dlline]

Deb, I’ll try not to sound like your mother again.

Wow, feedback for the feedback. Complicate things, much? But you did ask me some questions and I have spent some time pondering these along with the meaning of life. I can finally answer your questions, but that other thing still eludes me. There's lots of quotes, so hang in with me, ok?
First, I said:

Ok… here I see Dani apparently fully cognizant of Tara’s affections, and seems to be returning them with something more than a servant’s wish to please her mistress. Again, you tease with the POV, so we can only see the two-dimensional picture, and we all know how deceptive that can be.

To which you said:

I think that your interpretation of Dani’s actions/words is quite accurate but as you point out, it’s not really an assessment of Dani’s words and actions-rather an assessment of Tara’s telling of Dani’s words and actions. So by the time you get through this very flawed narrator, it’s very hard to tell just what all this means.

Okay, so my basic confusion is at least justifiable. That makes me feel better. There’s a lot at work here, and we’re getting a very focused peek into it (like trying take in the details of an entire room by looking through the keyhole). We just don’t know what Dani is thinking, but what Tara thinks Dani is thinking. There are, in fact, two sides to every story, and we’re just getting one, along with a stilted interpretation of the other. Cool.

Second, I said

Wow, Tara, control freak much?…
…Maybe she’s just “lacking a certain…presence.” But I don’t think that’s it. Or maybe it is. I just don’t freaking know! Ack!

Sorry, I got a little frustrated. My degree is in music history. Give me a pencil and some staff paper, and I can deconstruct anything that has bar lines and a key signature. Give me totally flawed human beings, and things get a little muddy (just ask my American lit professor what I had to say about Faulkner…it wasn’t pretty). And Lady Tara is most certainly flawed.

Then you said:

I think there’s a way to look at it that would be a lot more generous toward her. Let’s put her motivations aside for a moment. Can we agree that for a Lord to take marks-rights with Dani (or any servant) generally subverts that servant’s free will? If so, then Tara’s actions to deter the Lords serve to allow Dani to avoid having her free will subverted. Of course, I think that the issue with this is that it all depends on Tara’s motivation. Is Tara’s motivation that she wants Dani’s free will to remain intact as a human being or is it that she doesn’t want to share her possession? Very honestly, I believe that Tara can not realize the more noble of the two motivations because to do so would force her to examine her own use of Dani. I’ve probably just given too much of my own reasoning here but I’m interested to see what you think of it.

Well, that clears my muddy reasoning a lot. I honestly didn’t look at it that way, just because I hadn’t considered that angle. I think what you’re saying is that Tara is trying to protect Dani, pure and simple. She doesn’t want Dani put in an uncomfortable situation, and regardless of her (Tara’s) motivation, she really wants Dani to feel happy and safe. So the real issue here becomes what Tara’s true motivation is, and I’m pretty sure I agree that Tara “cannot realize the more noble of the two motivations.” I think your reasoning makes a lot of sense. Thanks for the alternate approach.

Re: cloak of invisibility. I agree that Tara’s gaining an awareness that others might be noticing something strange about her relationship with Dani. My question is this? What will that mean? She isn’t going to lose her status as Lady right? And will anyone else actually question her actions? I’m not saying that they will but I’m not saying that they won’t either. After all: Dani is actually her possession right?

I guess I just wasn’t terribly concerned with what would happen to Tara if everyone found out that she was boinking the help. She really doesn’t have much to lose, and I assume that she has marks-rights as well, so she’s totally within bounds of proper behavior. I guess the thing that concerns me is the fact, given the questions you’ve raised, why she is concerned at all. If she’s not being inappropriate, why is she worried? Dani is hers and she has the marks to prove it.

Ha ha. I’m loving such a mixed message here. A totally “fucked-up” basket and well done. To tell the honest truth, I’m not 100% sure that all readers will be satisfied with the conclusion to this story as far as holding a happy-ending. I will say that it will of course fulfill the KB FAQs; whether you judge it to be enough will be up to you.

Well, Deb, I fully intended to send you a mixed message. This story is incredibly well done, and by that I mean that you’ve created a world with more questions than answers. I have to assume that that was your intention, so again I say Well Done. But it is kinda fucked-up. I know you will fulfill the FAQs… that part doesn’t concern me. What does, however, concern me is that I don’t have a freaking clue how this ride is going to end. Congratulations, you’ve completely thrown predictability out the proverbial window. Regardless of what I do in my story, you ultimately know that Tara will prevail, and that Willow will not wind up dead. That is a given. Whether I judge your ending “to be enough” is not a real concern, because I’m so baffled as to what it might be, that I’m hanging on the edge with my bitten-down fingernails. Well Done.

Thanks.

You’re welcome. And thank you.

Diane

[JustSkipIt]

Morningstar –

i love how your feedback just makes all of us (well at least me) have a billion more questiones to ask!

Well, I’d much rather hear that than that my responses are stupid and just piss people off or something. I totally agree that Willow’s pov would be incredibly enlightening here. It’s very interesting to me how much as I write Tara’s pov, I’m thinking through Willow’s. In fact, I believe that the sequel will be narrated by Willow and I keep laughing as I think of differences in Tara’s and Willow’s perception of various events.

Thanks so much. Good luck for the book for lit. What is it?

Diane

Deb, I’ll try not to sound like your mother again.

My mother said some strange things but I don’t think I ever heard her mention strap-on blow jobs so you should be fine there.

Ok, ready for lots of quotes (and if you want to pass on the meaning of life, I’m sure we’re all ears).

To which you said:
Quote:
I think that your interpretation of Dani’s actions/words is quite accurate but as you point out, it’s not really an assessment of Dani’s words and actions-rather an assessment of Tara’s telling of Dani’s words and actions. So by the time you get through this very flawed narrator, it’s very hard to tell just what all this means.

Okay, so my basic confusion is at least justifiable. That makes me feel better. There’s a lot at work here, and we’re getting a very focused peek into it (like trying take in the details of an entire room by looking through the keyhole). We just don’t know what Dani is thinking, but what Tara thinks Dani is thinking. There are, in fact, two sides to every story, and we’re just getting one, along with a stilted interpretation of the other. Cool.

I really like your keyhole analogy. You are very right of the problems with the narrator and her interpretation. She is most likely (at least at this point in the story) to see everything as Dani is so incredibly happy and loves me so much, la, la, la. And she considers asking Dani but she doesn’t really trust what Dani will tell her (with very good reason I would say) and even if she did ask Dani, I’m not sure that we should trust Tara’s interpretation of Dani’s answer. Which I guess is a way of saying, yep or maybe tee hee.

Re: Tara’s motivations for deterring the Lords’s intentions.

Well, that clears my muddy reasoning a lot. I honestly didn’t look at it that way, just because I hadn’t considered that angle. I think what you’re saying is that Tara is trying to protect Dani, pure and simple. She doesn’t want Dani put in an uncomfortable situation, and regardless of her (Tara’s) motivation, she really wants Dani to feel happy and safe.

Hmmm. I’m not sure I’m saying that. I’m staying that it would be possible to interpret it that way. But whether that is true, I don’t think we have any evidence. From what Tara has said directly, we only know that she doesn’t want to share Dani. While when delaying her marks she was very specific that she didn’t want Dani to 1. have pain and 2. share marks with adult men, in this she has really only mentioned herself. She has never said, “I’m sure that Dani doesn’t want to share marks-rights with… so I protected her from it…” All she has said is that she’s jealous and stops Dani from it. It is possible/likely that Tara does think that she is doing what Dani would want? Of course. If she didn’t think that Dani wanted protected from marks-rights she would probably start to wonder about that, wouldn’t she (let’s hope)? But I think that in a way even if Tara does think that Dani doesn’t want the marks-rights, she is failing to acknowledge just how deeply trained Dani is. She doesn’t realize how thoroughly being a servant and a mark-bound servant permeates Dani’s body and soul. I think that if someone was to say to Dani “do you want to share mark-rights with Lord XYZ?” She would be completely befuddled by the question. Like “well, if he wants to share them with me then I do…” Like she wouldn’t even be able to reject the idea. You know? So Tara has taken it upon herself to reject the option on Dani’s behalf without ever really thinking about what that rite may mean to Dani. Shit, I bet that makes everything even less clear doesn’t it?

So the real issue here becomes what Tara’s true motivation is, and I’m pretty sure I agree that Tara “cannot realize the more noble of the two motivations.”

Right. Because to do so would so clearly call her own actions into question that she has to be completely closed to it.

Re: cloak of invisibility. I agree that Tara’s gaining an awareness that others might be noticing something strange about her relationship with Dani. My question is this? What will that mean? She isn’t going to lose her status as Lady right? And will anyone else actually question her actions? I’m not saying that they will but I’m not saying that they won’t either. After all: Dani is actually her possession right?

I’m laughing and smiling a little at your questions. The fact is that Tara doesn’t know what might happen. She doesn’t even know if the way she is “carrying on” with Dani is S.O.P. for Mistresses. She has never made any attempt to determine if her actions are completely socially acceptable and encouraged. She fears being found out but I don’t think she has specific fears about it. The fact is that short of a violent overthrow of her Estate, she can not lose her title and short of one of their deaths, she can’t lose Dani. She can lose status if it turns out that this is not something is acceptable but that’s really about all. But honestly, I think that bottom line is that she doesn’t even know that. She wants to keep it a secret but to what end? Does she think that her family would react badly? That may be but it may be not also. (crap that grammar in that sentence, eh?). The fact is that there are many nobles who treat their servants in various bad and abusive ways. The Maclays don’t generally associate with them if they can help it but it happens and they don’t lose the servants. They just lose social status. Will she be less marriable? Maybe but maybe not.

I guess I just wasn’t terribly concerned with what would happen to Tara if everyone found out that she was boinking the help. She really doesn’t have much to lose, and I assume that she has marks-rights as well, so she’s totally within bounds of proper behavior.

Lol: boinking the help. She has very little to lose. Re: marks-rights… I haven’t actually said that have I? I’ll let it stand at this point. In a way, Tara has better than marks-rights. She has total control over her servant, marks-rights or not.

I guess the thing that concerns me is the fact, given the questions you’ve raised, why she is concerned at all. If she’s not being inappropriate, why is she worried? Dani is hers and she has the marks to prove it.

Good questions.

This story is incredibly well done, and by that I mean that you’ve created a world with more questions than answers. I have to assume that that was your intention, so again I say Well Done.

Thanks. I like the thought of a world with more questions than answers. Doesn’t the real world kind of operate like that? I mean we try to simplify it but if you’re open, it has more questions than answers always.

What does, however, concern me is that I don’t have a freaking clue how this ride is going to end. Congratulations, you’ve completely thrown predictability out the proverbial window.

I like that. Thanks. I’m glad you’re baffled partially because of the fear I expressed in our PM that everything is very “yeah, what else?” at this point.

Thanks for the great thoughts.

Deb

[FineyMcFine]

Well well well, Debra, after coming back from my wee little kittenboard vacation I got to have the distinct pleasure of catching up on Waiting for Dani and it did not disappoint. Quite the opposite, in fact - I was rapt, and every chapter I finished reading over these last several days left me wanting more. There's so much to say, so in random order I'm going to just jot down my impressions, thoughts, and wonderings.

So what's become clear is that Tara is infatuated with Dani, and loves her, or at least thinks that she loves her. I'm sure she probably does love her, but the basic nature of their relationship, Dani being Tara's possession and not a free person in her own right, in my mind prohibits them from having a truly equal love.

Something that struck me was that there was a passage about how Tara told Dani she loved her, and Dani never said it back, but Tara extrapolated from Dani's actions and reactions that she did love her. Fair enough. But the other thing was, Tara seemed much more concerned with the possibility of other nobles taking marks-rights with Dani than she did about hearing or not hearing Dani tell her she loved her. I know that jealousy is a powerful emotion and I don't doubt that if I were in the same position I would be equally concerned with the same thing. But the fact that Tara doesn't linger on, obsess over, or freak out about Dani not actually saying the words, well, I guess there could be two reasons. One, maybe it doesn't keep her up at night as such, since all the other signs are there. Or two, maybe she secretly knows somewhere deep down that there's something preventing Dani from saying it, so she chooses subconsciously to focus on other things that she has more control over.

I'm very intrigued by the building suspense for why Tara is so upset and alone and bereft and waiting for Dani. You have done an excellent job building that suspense with the periodic present-day comments from the narrator. I have been speculating about the possibilities for why she's alone. That's one of my favorite things to do with your stories, to speculate about things. So here are my thoughts for why Dani is gone.

- she went and got married to Xander (not likely)

- Tara finally clued in that they couldn't have a real relationship while they were so unequal and freed Dani from her mark-binding and Dani left after that happened

- Maclay East was a bit of a backwater and the people were provincial and they disapproved of Tara and Dani's relationship, so somehow Dani fled and they were separated

- Dani's parentage came to light and it was revealed she was Lord LeFleur's child and had magic so she was elevated to be Tara's equal and Tara's now waiting to see if Dani will have a relationship with her if she's not being forced to by magic

So many possibilities and except for the Xander one I could see you going in any of those directions or a totally different direction that I haven't thought of. It's wild!

Also, Faith seems like she's not quite as wedded to this whole mark hierarchy as Tara is. That whole exchange where Faith said she was asking Dani to help her with letters, the pitying looks she directed toward Tara, they made me think that. Also, I'm suspicious that maybe Dani wasn't really helping Faith with love letters - it might have been for something else. We've already seen that she can resist the compulsions of mark-binding, after all.

I can't wait to see what comes next! Wonderful, awesome job.

[Thianne]

I know, i know....i'm not leaving feedback. i'm sorry. i wish i could, but i just don't feel like writing. still, wanted to let you know that i'm still reading, and that i still think this fic is awesome *hug*

[JustSkipIt]

Sally – Welcome back. I don’t know if this combined with your recent update mean that you’re back for good, but I’ll take what I can get. I hope things go well for you.

Random is a perfectly fine order. I’ll try to respond in less random order so that you know what comment I’m addressing…

So what's become clear is that Tara is infatuated with Dani, and loves her, or at least thinks that she loves her. I'm sure she probably does love her, but the basic nature of their relationship, Dani being Tara's possession and not a free person in her own right, in my mind prohibits them from having a truly equal love.

I’d say that Tara loves Dani but you’re right that whether that is possible or not is a good question. And certainly they can’t have an equal love in this situation.
[qutoe] But the other thing was, Tara seemed much more concerned with the possibility of other nobles taking marks-rights with Dani than she did about hearing or not hearing Dani tell her she loved her. I know that jealousy is a powerful emotion and I don't doubt that if I were in the same position I would be equally concerned with the same thing. But the fact that Tara doesn't linger on, obsess over, or freak out about Dani not actually saying the words, well, I guess there could be two reasons. One, maybe it doesn't keep her up at night as such, since all the other signs are there. Or two, maybe she secretly knows somewhere deep down that there's something preventing Dani from saying it, so she chooses subconsciously to focus on other things that she has more control over. [/quote]I think that your first reason is a pretty good one. Tara truly does believe that Dani loves her and she hasn’t really put the energy into figuring out why Dani won’t say it (again, lending credence to the theory that Tara is a bit thick). So if we assume that Tara believes that Dani loves her, then she doesn’t need to worry about that. She’s only really worried that the men will take advantage of Dani (and I’ve mentioned before my unease at the fact that she really only mentions her own feelings about this rather than Dani’s).

I'm very intrigued by the building suspense for why Tara is so upset and alone and bereft and waiting for Dani. You have done an excellent job building that suspense with the periodic present-day comments from the narrator.

Thanks. As I’ve said, I was worried at times that it was too much but I do want it to be ever-present that this is the frame for the story: Tara bereft and alone.

I love your speculations. I will say this. One is them is not possible. One is possible but not true. One is fun but also not true. I’m not saying that any of them are true but certainly this could be like those questions on the analytical part of the GRE: Seven people go to a meeting. Joe always sits to the right of the person with the chocolate donut. Janie is on a diet and only drinks water. The person eating sprinkled donuts never sits near the person who gets three cups of coffee….

I’m glad that you don’t know where this is going but also glad that you’re speculating. Re: Faith and her idea of the hierarchy. I don’t think it’s that she’s not “as wedded” to it as Tara. She’s definitely a party of the societal structure. At the same time, she’s kind of like that society’s version of our Faith. Our Faith kind of picked and chose which rules and customs she wanted to observe and which to discard. This Faith is a bit more flexible than Tara or Dani. Also, keep in mind that Faith is much lower in status than Tara so she can be more flexible about everything. She’s basically low enough rank that no one is going to get too upset about anything she may do whereas Tara has some major expectations to deal with.

Also, I'm suspicious that maybe Dani wasn't really helping Faith with love letters - it might have been for something else. We've already seen that she can resist the compulsions of mark-binding, after all.

Nice speculation but not so much true. Yes, Dani was helping Faith with the letters and although she was able to resist the herbs that first night, it was a major struggle and very painful for her. The longer her binding goes on the harder it would be to resist…

Thanks so much and welcome back .

Vale - Hey there. Thanks for posting.

[grimlock72]

Pfew... in time to have to feedback only one part, good Been out of the country, in some weird town without internet.. very odd .

I thought up an excuse for Tara's jealousy; maybe the marking/binding thing not only influences the servant but also the mistress? I'll repeat that I continue to think that Tara was/is very badly prepared for anything else but running the estate. She can run an estate but not her own life.

Clearly Dani realises what Tara is doing sending her away from the party and pretty much all 5-mark people. Tara knows Dani knows, yet she seems entirely unconcerned what Dani might think of her. Dani didn't exactly say 'thank you', which would have been easy, so what DID she think about it?

Oh yeah, you wrote somewhere in your feedback " totally would have irritated me so I just made one up" in reference to a character named 'Caleb', apparently you didn't model him on the S7 villain ? (spooky preacher guy, didn't like women much)

Heh, the feedback is half the fun of such thought-provoking stories; "Is Tara's motivation that she wants Dani's free will to remain intact as a human being?" -- answer: I sincerely doubt Tara is thinking that deeply or noble about it. It's more the 8-year old style 'she is mine and no-one else can have her', I simply don't get the impression she's primarily protecting Dani, it is a nice side-effect though.

Delia was, if anything, too proud to be devoted to Anne. A wonderful pair they made.

Cute description, if that pair follows canon, the servant will end up wiser than the mistress

It's something new to read about Dani dancing very well, or maybe that is just Tara being a not entirely impartial observer. Overall I get the impression that Dani rather likes social interaction, a lot more than your 'average Willow' so to speak. It's also why I don't put much trust in her statement to Tara that she will be happy to be away from MaClay Main. It is of course what Tara wants to hear .

Tara is not at her most likable at the moment. To some extend that is caused by her society, but not all. I guess power does corrupt somewhat. Given the increasingly obsessiveness moving to MaClay East doesn't come a moment to soon for Tara, jealousy and magic don't go together well Tara isn't that much adult really, somebody forgot to prepare her for her own life. That is something Dani can't do for her. Though I do get the impression Dani is either better informed about life in general.

I try to avoid backtracking from the situation as described in chapter 1. It's a bit like building a tunnel from two ends, it becomes more obvious over time . Even without the entire flashback setup it is clear that the current situation is deteriorating. I can think of reasons why Dani would be unhappy in her sitatution but don't remember reading about those in this chapter? Certainly never had the idea Tara saw it that way, she is still on cloud9 adoring and loving Dani

About the line-up of family and servants on such big parties, do you draw those on sketchpads? Can't imagine doing that just from memory, horrible complicated stuff. No doubt they several masters of protocol at the MaClay estate. Lots of parties are held there btw. Must be nice to be a farmer in the MaClay estate .

Come to think of it, Tara is in a bad position in this story; we know something will go wrong between them. Given the marking and story-telling we can be pretty sure Tara triggers it. As a bonus we only hear the suspect's Point of View Heck, entire sections of this story could be very broad interpretations from Tara, not grounded in much reality at all

If Tara's family already knew something with regard to them not suggesting possibly match-up's for Tara herself.. well, if they knew THAT they could as well have prepared her more for the problems that will no doubt come soonish. Throwing kids in a swimming-pool expecting them to swim is a BAD way to learn them how swim

The feeling of impending doom is definitly present, but I can't pinpoint exactly what in the story as told, it's based on. Well done

[watty]

I read this update in Chicago and started writing feedback, then decided I wanted to get home and read it again. Argh, I forgot about jetlag and how going straight back to work does wonders to my thinking ability [not!]. My conclusion, upon first reading, that this was a telling update isn't wrong though. There's a richness to the celebrations at the Maclay Estate of Anne's and Faith's marking that again brings home how much of that warm, family closeness will be missed at Maclay East. Tara doesn't realize it, because she's all.about.Dani and nothing else, and it seems Dani too:

She agreed that it was an excellent opportunity for both of us and had shyly confessed to me in the privacy of our rooms that she would miss the social festivities no more than would I. She went so far as to whisper that she could think of no greater desire than my constant company and I allowed myself to hope...

I'm beginning to think that Dani is either as infatuated with Tara as Tara is with her; or has brainwashed herself into feeling that she has to be consumed with Tara because of the extent of Tara's feelings for her. No surprise that Dani is the one making the adjustment / compromise -- such is the imbalance in this relationship all along. She's even indulging Tara (though she doesn't have much of a choice, really) when Tara sends her on all sorts of errands to be away from the potential grabby paws of the other lords. Either way, the end result is Tara's ego is so bolstered and no one is pointing out she's entirely too obsessive for her own good.

LeFleur and Finn both asked where she was when dancing with me under the pretext of admiring her beauty, intelligence, and skill but I suspected their motives and it turned my stomach.

Sigh. It is possible for a lord to comment on how well a servant turned out without the innuendos that Tara has conveniently planted in their intentions.

Logically speaking, there's nothing wrong with moving to a faraway stretch of the estate to bring it up to standard to the estate proper, but when it's for all the wrong reasons...sigh. I am glad they are taking a team of good staff with them, can't wait to read about Xander and Stewart Giles. I'm thinking they, as well as Stefan, will be key in the near future. Will one of them become the voice of reason? Or will they, like most people before them, place Tara on her usual lofty pedestal and allow her to do as she pleases?

Something I could not identify tickled at the back of my mind but each time I thought I might ensnare the thought, it ran away again.

Interesting. Premonition? Guilt? Part of her finally grasping that Dani is in an impossible situation? Loving the impossible, and yet having to continue with the façade of a subservient party.

I want to speculate, and think about what happens to make Dani not be Tara's servant. And what happens to bring us to chapter 1. But I'll be good, I'll wait for you to tell us in your perfect, Elvis-y way. Thanks again for this story, and thanks for deciding to keep this on this forum.
[br]

[tarawhipped]

I'm not even gonna try to add to all the speculation anymore, or at least, not right now. Though amidst all the comments about whether or not Tara can know Dani's real feelings for her, or if it's just projection based on the bond, I had a slap-myself-upside-the-head moment. Since we have no way of really knowing what's going on inside Dani's head, it's entirely possible that Dani is in the same boat. For all she knows, Tara's feelings for her are the result of the bond, and not "genuine" love. Dani might think Tara would feel the same way with any servant...though we know from Tara's comments about "the new girl" that this isn't true. Add in that Dani is probably expecting Tara to get married at some point, and it's no wonder that Dani would be a little pleased to be trekking off to Maclay East for some alone time. Anyhoo...I said I wouldn't speculate, and I just did. Damn.

I've had Camper Van Beethoven's "Where the Hell is Bill?" going through my head since yesterday, and thought I'd adapt it here:

"Where, where the Hell is Will? [repeat x4]
Well, maybe she went to get a sideways haircut
Maybe she went to get a striped shirt
Maybe she went to get some plastic shoes
Maybe she went to get some funny sunglasses

Where, where the Hell is Will? [repeat x4]
Well, maybe she went to get an Air Force parka
Maybe she went to get a Vespa scooter
Maybe she went to get a British flag
Maybe she went to go Mod Ska dancing

Where, where the Hell is Will? [repeat x4]
Well, maybe she went to get a mohawk
And maybe she went to get some gnarly thrash boots
Maybe she went to go ride her skateboard
Maybe she went to see the Circle Jerks

Where, where the Hell is Will?"[repeat ad infinitum]

-Cam

[JustSkipIt]

Wow, I went out of town for the weekend and came back to three long feedback (feedbacks. Do you think it’s feedback or feedbacks?). Cool

grimmy – Yes. You’re in time. I can’t say that my writing of the next part is going that quickly. For one, I’m incredibly busy at work where I do most of my writing and I was sick for a few weeks (better now) and for another, it’s kind of sloggy right now. There’s little dialog and little action so the writing is slow for me. I’m optimistic to get an update posted very near the beginning of April. Either way, you’ve got time to spare.

Sorry to hear that your trip out of country involved no internet. How very strange that must have been.

I thought up an excuse for Tara's jealousy; maybe the marking/binding thing not only influences the servant but also the mistress?

That’s quite brilliant and I wish I had really thought of that and exploited it. I guess I’ll say that it agrees somewhat with my concept in that the bound noble’s emotions and connection to his/her servant is stronger than to other people but it shouldn’t be making Tara as kind of crazy (for lack of a better word) as she seems to be acting. But yes, the binding does extend the level of emotion between the bound pair, whether servant/master or bound couples. I actually think that the intensity of emotion is one reason for the marks-rights: it would be hard with the level of emotion for the husband not to eventually want his wife’s servant. Kind of twisted but logical too.

I'll repeat that I continue to think that Tara was/is very badly prepared for anything else but running the estate. She can run an estate but not her own life.

I’m not disagreeing with that statement. And I actually think that with the exception of her kind of going around the bend about Dani, she’s doing a passable job of running the estate. She has handled her education properly and taken on artistry despite not needing to do so, hosted two mark celebrations, and proposed a direction for her next project. And she’s 17 years old. So she’s not a total screw-up or anything. She’s just not in the least prepared for her love for Dani or the social implications of same.

Your questions regarding Dani’s thoughts about Tara’s actions (re: keeping away from the 5-mark nobles) are very astute. I would probably drive myself crazy wondering why my girlfriend didn’t say thank you unless she actually wanted to be with them so I think that’s a good line of thought.

Oh yeah, you wrote somewhere in your feedback " totally would have irritated me so I just made one up" in reference to a character named 'Caleb', apparently you didn't model him on the S7 villain ? (spooky preacher guy, didn't like women much)

Oh yeah. I totally forgot that his name was Caleb. Maybe I’ll go back and change it. I really just wanted a sort of strong and loyal, even if not too bright, servant for Stefan. To me Caleb says strong but maybe dumb as opposed to evil and misogynistic.

I don’t think that Tara’s primary motivation is protecting Dani but I do think it’s on her list. I just think that she’s so incredibly overwhelmed with her own jealousy that it’s hard for her to articulate it.

It's something new to read about Dani dancing very well, or maybe that is just Tara being a not entirely impartial observer. Overall I get the impression that Dani rather likes social interaction, a lot more than your 'average Willow' so to speak. It's also why I don't put much trust in her statement to Tara that she will be happy to be away from MaClay Main. It is of course what Tara wants to hear derr.

Interesting observation. I actually think that again Willow’s dancing and all her social interaction are based on the training and brainwashing she has received. Part of the job of a 5-mark servant is social mastery so she’s good in social situations. I don’t know that it means that she enjoys it (or doesn’t enjoy it) and it’s entirely possible that if you asked her if she enjoyed it she would be literally unable to even figure out the answer. She is so completely absorbed into her role that I’m not sure she has the capacity to figure out where her personality preferences would lie free from that role. At the same time, I believe that she feels compelled to support Tara’s decisions for them regardless of her personal preferences regarding such decisions. She is trained to attempt to stop Tara from doing that which is foolish or dangerous but not necessarily to stop a move like this so she says she wants it too.

I think you make a good point about Tara being better off at Maclay East and the danger she could pose given her magics. And yes, I think that Dani is much better informed about most things. I also like your tunnel analogy. And yes, this chapter is pretty light on the “oh god! What did I do?” I can promise that you won’t run short on angst. How is that? But yes, at that point, Tara is madly in love, believes Dani is too and if she can just get clear of other suitors…

Re: planning and hierarchy. I’d be a much better author if I did. I mostly type lists at the beginning and ends of my writing and refer to those. Honestly, I’ve made some errors that I had to go back and change or that no one has noticed yet with those things.

Come to think of it, Tara is in a bad position in this story; we know something will go wrong between them. Given the marking and story-telling we can be pretty sure Tara triggers it. As a bonus we only hear the suspect's Point of View Heck, entire sections of this story could be very broad interpretations from Tara, not grounded in much reality at all

Well said. Tara’s a very unreliable narrator. She’s either too easy on herself or much too hard and we’re never sure which it is. The fact that Dani is gone means that something truly terrible has happened so that’s not going to improve Tara’s reliability.

Re: Tara’s family. I can’t say what they know or what they think of it. I will say that Tara’s father has made various strongly worded vows of wanting his children to be happy as he was with their mother (which I think would be hard to hear if you are Melanie…). Whether that means that he knows that she’s “boinking the help” and someone else very eloquently put it I think is another matter.

The feeling of impending doom is definitly present, but I can't pinpoint exactly what in the story as told, it's based on.

Good. As I’ve commented to others, I only hope that when the doom actually impends, everyone isn’t like, “that’s it? I’ve had worse angst about running out of milk…”

Thanks always.

watty – First off, I haven’t had time to write it yet but let me summarize my Lamplight fb: the latest update is absolutely brilliant! Love it, love it, love it.

Ok. Enough of that…

Sorry for the jetlag but it sounds like Chicago was truly great. You make a good point that Tara and Dani will miss the pageantry and family when they are at Maclay East but as you also point out, Tara isn’t concerned with that. She’s ready to sit at home every night playing cribbage or two-handed bridge if it means that she had Dani to herself. (Ok, they don’t necessarily have cribbage or bridge although maybe they do.)

I'm beginning to think that Dani is either as infatuated with Tara as Tara is with her; or has brainwashed herself into feeling that she has to be consumed with Tara because of the extent of Tara's feelings for her.

I won’t disagree with either of those theories. I will say that Dani’s level of brainwashing is really beyond what I can describe. Not only has she been raised every day of her life with the intention of serving Tara, she is magically bound to it. Assuming that she has any free will, that is really a miracle of her strength of mind and soul and of Tara’s love and kindness for her. And I know, you’re going kindness? Yes, kindness. She has good intentions toward her lover and believe me that there are people in this universe who do not have such good intentions toward their servants.

Either way, the end result is Tara's ego is so bolstered and no one is pointing out she's entirely too obsessive for her own good.

Well, I think we’re certainly trying to tell her that but it doesn’t seem to be working very well at this point.

Sigh. It is possible for a lord to comment on how well a servant turned out without the innuendos that Tara has conveniently planted in their intentions.

Excellent question. I think given the value that this society places on showing off their servants, Tara’s servant’s absence is quite strange even if these men don’t have any other motives. At the same time, I don’t think that Tara’s assumption that they are interested in Dani is unreasonable. I would imagine that for men like these—men for whom no servant is unattainable—it is probably a notch on their belt or a feather in their caps or whatever to be the first (they assume) to get to “avail” themselves of a servant and particularly a 5-mark servant. I would, in fact, assume that it is probably quite unusual for the Lord of Dani’s Estate to not avail himself of her meaning that for the visiting Lords this may be a quite unusual chance at that feather.

I'm thinking they, as well as Stefan, will be key in the near future. Will one of them become the voice of reason? Or will they, like most people before them, place Tara on her usual lofty pedestal and allow her to do as she pleases?

A good question and one I don’t intend to answer right now. Let me say this though: you may note that you have just listed people who don’t come any where near Tara in station: two free men (basically respectable but without station) and a two-mark noble with few prospects beyond his excellent aim, riding, and promise of siring a magic user.

Quote:
Something I could not identify tickled at the back of my mind but each time I thought I might ensnare the thought, it ran away again.

Interesting. Premonition? Guilt? Part of her finally grasping that Dani is in an impossible situation? Loving the impossible, and yet having to continue with the façade of a subservient party.

I won’t disagree with the last.

Thanks so much for your great comments.

Cam – You’re head-slapping is fantastic (although a bit violent…). It’s completely reasonable to believe that Dani doesn’t know if Tara truly loves her of if she’s either in love with her only because of the bond or only because she’s available. For all Dani knows, Tara basically needs a focus until she gets married. Even if Dani believes that Tara loves her and truly loves her, she is an incredibly smart girl and she knows how society works. She knows that Tara really needs to get married (or at least produce a magic user) so she’s not exactly thinking that they will have a happily ever after. It’s not like Dani can sit around putting ticket stubs in her scrapbook and drawing hearts with arrows that say “D… + TM = 4evah!” or anything like that. She’d be kind of deluded to do that.

I don’t know that song (now Mary will probably be all upset with me…) but I love the adaptation! Thanks.

[JustSkipIt]

[center][/center]


Story Title – Waiting for Dani

Chapter – 12 – Our First Great Adventure Begins

Author – JustSkipIt

Pairing – T/W

Feedback – Yes, please

Spoilers – None

Rating – R

Disclaimer – Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own Willow and Tara and the Buffyverse. I’m not saying this universe is totally original but I didn’t steal it from any author or creator that I know of. No copyright infringement is meant by this fic and I will not make any money from it.

Additional and permanent disclaimer – Yadda yadda. Yadda Yadda. Not comfortable. Power imbalance. Etc.

Note - Grimmy pointed out that there was a Caleb in BtVS. I had no intention of using his name so I'm changing it to Jacob in this and future updates.

After our guests departed, we allowed everyone a few days to simply recover from the latest gathering. Xander’s crew came to disassemble the stables, taking the considerable lumber with them for reuse and he spent few nights at the castle to assist in our planning. Having never ventured farther from his home than our Estate, he was quite excited about the journey and seemed to be constantly asking questions of Dani, Faith, and Stefan. Dani and he had been fast friends for so long that anyone could see their affection and I believe that Faith, Stefan, and I were growing to love his sense of wonder and adventure. He seemed quite open to any suggestion made him.

The day before our departure was quite filled with our packing everything that could be packed in advance. Faith and I had significantly pared down our wardrobes and books to save the transportation and still it seemed we had more trunks than we could have imagined. We could hardly have had more supplies to move an army over the land.

I woke the day of our departure alone and saw that Dani was seated at the table looking out our window. It appeared that she had just finished writing a letter and was affixing my seal, having not her own. She stuck the edge of the letter under the corner of the lamp and continued looking out the window. I quietly rose from the bed and padded across the floor so that I was standing at her side. My girl of course, realized that I was awake and turned her head to look at me and I saw that she was crying. I took her hands in my own and dropped to my knees in front of her, kissing each of her fingers. “What is wrong, my love?”

She smiled a little forlornly and kissed my fingers in turn. “I feel a sense of sadness at leaving our home, Tara.”

“Would you rather not leave, my girl? I never want to make you sad.” I brushed a long strand of hair behind her ear.

She pulled on my arms so that they wrapped around her waist and she could wrap hers around my shoulders. “This is to be our first great adventure.” She smiled at me then and I could see the joy in her eyes just before she leaned down to kiss me. And her kiss was more passionate than I expected. I still felt a little dazed from the kiss as she leaned back and pulled me into her lap.

I pulled my knees up so that they were tucked under my chin and I was leaning on my girl’s chest as I wrapped my arms around her neck. “I wonder if you can know how much I love you,” I murmured into her soft skin and she giggled and moaned in a way that made me want to forget about all that needed to be done before we left the Estate.

She hugged me tightly and then I felt her shifting beneath me. “Please sit, My Lady.”

I skewed up an eyebrow at her as she slid from beneath me to kneel at my feet on the floor. It was a joke between us by now and one in which I was as likely as she, perhaps more so, to take that position and I laughed as I lifted her chin with my fingertip. I grinned cheekily and batted my eyelashes. "I'm not sure we have that much time before we leave, my love."

Dani smiled at my joke and bowed her head again. "I have a request, My Lady."

She was serious although I couldn't imagine what she would need to request so. I would surely grant her anything she desired and always had. "Yes, D'ni." I felt a little silly accepting a formal request from my girl dressed in nothing but the sheerest of tops and, well, nothing else.

“Lady Maclay.” So it was to be a very formal request. “Xander is very exuberant and proud.” I nodded but did not interrupt her. “But he has not been gifted as we have.” Again I nodded. “He has only an eating knife and doesn’t know that anyone would travel with more. I fear he will be embarrassed when he realizes we each have a camp kit and he does not.” This was certainly true. “I bought him a used camp kit on my last trip to the village but I don’t think he will take it from me.”

“You would like me to give it to him and tell him that it is my responsibility to provide for all the members of the group or that I found it in the kitchen?”

“Please, My Lady.”

I bent down to reach my lover’s soft lips and kissed her gently. “You are so generous, my girl. “ Later today I would drop a few coins into my girl’s purse to pay for the kit.

She leaned up and kissed me in such a way that I no longer thought about her generosity nor the coins and then bounced up onto her toes to twirl away from me. She began to sing as she straightened our bed and pulled our last bag from the closet to finalize our packing. I stood and passed near her on the way to bathe, teasing that with my head under water I would be saved from her voice and she swatted me with a pillow for the insult.

By the time I emerged from our necessary room, my girl had laid out my traveling clothes and packed everything else, save my toiletries. She left a space in the bag so that it was obvious where I should place the brush when I was finished with it and a blue leather tie was on top of my shirt so that I could tie back my hair as I always did when riding.

I quickly dressed and stowed the last of my belongings in the bag, bringing it with me to the dining room. The remainder of the expedition was at the table enjoying a very early breakfast although other members of the family were not present yet. I sat and Dani passed me my breakfast plate. We ate in relative quiet and I think that the others felt nervous over the journey. When we were done eating, I asked the others to pray with me and we all joined hands to ask The Creator to bless our journey with speed, safety, and success. Father and Melanie waited until our prayer was complete before coming in to add their blessings to my own.

We made our way out to the courtyard and I noticed that my father had a small traveling token for each member of our expedition which he managed to give to them personally and individually. His diplomacy was something I could only wish to equal someday.

Those of us who had eaten breakfast together were joined by the three house servants who would be traveling with us as well as Xander who had slept in the room off the stable by his own choosing. Traveling with us would be three young house servants: Briena, Lory, and Merie. Briena was quite the cook in spite of her youth and Lory and Merie had many applicable skills in the house and gardens.

Also traveling with us would be one of the stable boys: William who had earned the unfortunate nickname William the Bloody for his tendency to fall down or walk into things and hurt himself when he was younger. William was, I believe, actually older than my siblings and I while seeming ageless but was feeble of mind. His grandmother had brought him to the Estate when he was still young saying that he couldn’t master any true skills so she could not apprentice him out but that he very much loved animals and was there anything he could do on our Estate. This was around the time that we had gotten Hope and Dream and he was hopelessly devoted to both of them as well as to Dani. The rest of us had no idea that he thought to be included in our expedition until two days prior when he had met Dani in the yard with a small bag, packed with his meager belongings, and a dazed and expectant look on his thin face.

A few hours discussion with Father, Dani, Stefan, and myself had determined that the young man was welcome to go with us. He was actually a useful addition to the stables as he followed instructions very well. Years earlier, someone in the stables had been quite frustrated by William’s forgetfulness and Dani had come to me with the idea of drawing a series of pictures to remind the boy of all his tasks and the order in which they should be done. It had hung on the wall by his cot ever since and he followed it quite committedly. My only concern about his undertaking the journey was that his grandmother was now quite elderly and her health was failing. I feared that she would pass while we were gone and he would miss her but she had spent the last week at the estate and felt that her passing would be handled ok by him. He was, it’s important to note, not a bound servant of the house but a paid stable hand. Nonetheless, we felt protective of him as we did the bound servants on our Estate and would take care of him on and beyond our journey.

Shortly we had amassed in the courtyard for your journey. We had two wagons which carried supplies as well as those members of our expedition who did not ride (the house servants, William, and Xander). The remainder of our party rode or led our eleven fine horses. As we were beginning to get into procession for our departure, Donnie, Dale, and Anne rode up on their own mounts announcing that they would ride with us until late afternoon before turning back for home. It was obvious that they had planned this grand gesture for some time but it was a surprise to me and I felt quite touched.

Finally, and not without more than a few tears from the entire assemblage, we set off in formal processional: myself, Dani, Donnie, Dale, Anne, Faith, Dawn, Stefan, Jonah, and the wagons. I admit myself somewhat naïve enough that Dawn’s enthusiastic and passionate departure from D’rek caught me by surprise. Everyone else, Faith included, were nonchalant regarding the display so it was apparently no secret on the Estate.

No one was quite so overjoyed at the presence of our unexpected companions as William. He has long harbored a public and obviously doomed admiration for Anne, following her and her horses around when she was younger. When she was very young, she had been quite embarrassed by his attentions as he would weave daisies into her horse’s bridle or even attempt to write her poems expressing his love. By the time her studies formally began, however, she had matured enough to show compassion for the poor creature and she was friendly with him without encouraging his affections.

I would have been just as pleased to see one of my siblings or Stefan leading the procession but as Lady Maclay it was my responsibility and honor to do so. And I’ll freely admit that while I held little pride in my position, being mine solely by the order and condition of my birth, I quite reveled in my girl’s place a half-horse length behind me. A smile played on my features which none but perhaps she could see at the thought of her superiority.

After perhaps an hour, I tired of my position and began to slow my horse to pull even with Dani. I slowed even further and she and I pulled even with Donnie, signaling to the rest of the group that they could relax the riding order. Donnie accepted the silent offer to lead for sometime and he and Dale pulled in front of us. For the remainder of the morning I moved freely throughout our column, visiting with each member of our group including the two wagon drivers. These men would ride with us to the new Estate, assist us in unloading and then return on one of the wagons, leaving the other with us. Dani, of course, did much the same riding next to the nobility as well as our servants and behind the wagons to visit with those within much of the time. Of course, we spent a sizable portion of the morning riding side by side.

I was as transfixed by my girl as I had been on that journey so many years ago. Her hair seemed to glow in the sunlight. It was tied back with a piece of dyed-green leather I had given her when I realized how the color set off her eyes so I could see the pulse beat in her neck. My fantasies threatened to take my attention from the ride as I savored the thought of how she would wiggle, then moan, then scream as I kissed or sucked that point—her specific response frequently dependent on my other actions.

I halted the group shortly after noon by the position of the sun and we had a small meal of bread, cheese, and sweets from the kitchens. After lunch, I would send Faith and Dawn or perhaps Dani to hunt and we could eat fresh meat for our dinner. Our progress was slowed by the wagons and I wanted to get a good distance behind us before we made camp so a quick lunch was my preference. Accordingly, those of us riding were astride our mounts and the passengers were in their places within a half an hour of stopping. Xander and Stefan had sat close together throughout most of the meal and when we started again, I saw that Jonah had saddled Stefan’s second horse and was helping the young carpenter into the saddle.

Xander was, simply put, a marvelous young man and I could see why Dani held such affection for him. His situation was quite a bit more challenged than any of ours but he had a thirst for learning and his humor made him eminently likable. As the girls had unpacked our luncheon, I was able to give him the camp kit with the indication that it was my responsibility to provide such for everyone on the journey. He was grateful and I could not detect any suspicion in his manner.

I took the lead position again for our setting out and this time kept it for fifteen minutes or so before drifting backwards. Donnie and Anne had previously led the procession and now gave Faith the opportunity to do so with Dawn her half-length behind. I moved throughout the group checking in with everyone, visiting, and generally enjoying the bright sun which cut through the crisp cold of Winter. When I moved around to the rear of the wagons, I could see that the Briena and Lory were sleeping while William, in the other wagon was happy to see me. He nodded his head in a reasonable bow and then began saying “Anne coming. Anne coming to our new home.” His excitement was very clear and I attempted to explain that she was only with us for the day before Dani arrived. She quickly moved from her horse to sit next to William on the wagon and tied on so that she could remount. I gave her a quick nod to let her know that I appreciated her efforts and moved forward through the line once again.

Our progress was very good throughout the afternoon. Shortly after Donnie, Dale, and Anne turned back toward the Estate, I asked Faith if she would like to hunt. I could have taken the holiday but I wanted her to realize how highly I counted her skill. She was quite gracious and took Dani with her, leaving Dawn with me. I allowed Stefan to lead the procession for a bit and he seemed quite honored. The Finns were so enamored with procession and appearance that I imagine he rarely had such a showing and I was glad to provide it.

The sun was lowering in the West when Dani returned to report that she and Faith had brought down a small wild boar. They were quite excited as it was not a meat that we enjoyed frequently and although we did not need such a supply of meat, I could keep it cold enough with my magic to eat it the next day. Faith was slaughtering the meat and wondering if she should meet us at our evening’s stop. I conferred with Stefan for a few minutes to determine where to stop and then sent he and Jonah ahead to meet up with Faith, help her finish the task, and have the three of them advance to our resting position. With our slower movement, we would not arrive for perhaps an hour to an hour and a half after their arrival and they should have the fire started and meat cooking by that time.

By the time we saw the smoke in the distance, the riders were tiring. Xander had returned to his position in the wagon after an hour or so of riding which Stefan, Dani, and I had all complimented as a reasonable amount of time his first attempt. Dani and Dawn looked eager and I gave them leave to sprint ahead to meet up with the others at the camp site. I rode with the wagons and other horses until we reached the destination. Once we reached the camp site, everyone leapt into action. Lory and Merie began to lay out the tents and other materials while Briena took over the cooking duties. Without my direct orders, everyone found something useful to do. Xander began to build the tents in spite of never having seen tents of this type before and I was again grateful for his help. William led the horses a few at a time over to a field where they could graze. Others built or fetched water or brought wood for the fires. I made sure to pay my compliments to Faith on her successful hunt and generally helped wherever my assistance was needed. Having a powerful magic user is useful in many ways and I lofted tent timbers, stoked the fires, even calmed the horses. I placed a wide warning perimeter too warn us of intruders and keep us from having to post a sentry overnight. While our area was generally quite peaceful, one couldn’t be too careful and four-legged predators were always a concern.

It was full-dark by the time our meal was ready and everyone ate quite voraciously. Xander had to have been glad of his plate and spoon as Briena had boiled some roots for a stew in addition to the roasted meat. We all complimented Faith and Dani on the hunt and Briena on her culinary skills. I could tell she was not used to such direct praise from one of my status as she blushed and looked at the ground and mumbled something to the effect that she was no comparison to D’Shel. Later I saw Dani visiting with her so I am sure my girl passed on our sincere compliments on the meal.

After dinner, our party had a few hours to pass the time. In groups of two or three, people went to the stream to bathe. I entertained a few wishful fantasies regarding the type of bathing I would like to do with Dani but it was not to be as Lory and Merie went with us. It seemed that they were not as comfortable in the wild as were we and they feared getting lost or being ravaged by tigers on the way to or from the stream. Once we had returned everyone was quite comfortable and the air had a sense of a casual party atmosphere. Dani pulled her traveling Chest game from her packs and soundly routed Faith, Stefan, and myself in that order. Dawn, I saw reading to Xander, William, and the girls and later I noticed her attempting to point out various letters to the young carpenter. So it turned out that my speculation that he could only make numbers for the calculations required by his skill but not actually read were correct. If Dawn or Dani wished to teach him more, I would let them know I approved for it could benefit him in our new home.

A few at a time, everyone turned in commenting that tomorrow would be a long traveling day. We had three tents and protocol would normally have had myself, Faith, Dawn, and Dani in ours with the girls in the other but they were scared of various sounds of the wild so Faith and Dawn slept in the other tent while Dani and I shared ours with Briena. The men shared the third tent and I’m sure were quite comfortable. I had laid a two or three inch layer of air under each tent so that the sleeping rolls were softened considerably over sleeping on bare ground. When I finished the spell, Faith had teased me that magic users were “soft” if we couldn’t even camp properly but when I offered to take the air from her tent, she conceded that she would test the luxury just for the sake of comparison. Of course the presence of the cook kept my girl and I from engaging in any of the activities I had found myself daydreaming of during the ride.

I felt sure that Dani would wake long before Briena and I lay on the ground with my arm around my love. We whispered our impressions of the group and the journey so far interspersed with long kisses and tight hugs. Before long I was whispering to my girl - describing our currently denied pleasure and promising that pleasure for the day of our arrival. Her breath seemed labored with my increasing story and she finally rolled over me to kiss me deeply and begin her own story telling. It was the first time we had spoken to each other such and I blushed even as my heart beat in my chest with excitement for the words she said and the look on her face during my descriptions. She smiled as I likened her movements to those of the Willow trees, again found in the nearby stream--the way the branches seemed still and then suddenly whipped around so uncontrollably I compared to her movement just before and during her most beautiful movements. She teased me back that I wished her my Willow tree for the way the branches made me think of her tongue moving quickly and fluidly over and over my most sensitive skin and I added that as long as she hissed her pleasure, shuddering under my mouth or hand, she could be tree, cat, or woman. Finally we hugged each other tightly as we attempted to calm down from our excitement before falling asleep. That night I slumbered in a frustrated state as I had not since the night of our celebration.

As expected, Dani was the first member of our party awake. When I emerged from the tent she was warming her hands by the fresh fire and I smiled at her as I felt the unmistakable signature of her magics. Next to her on a rock were five fish and I wondered how early she had risen given that the sun was just coloring the horizon. “Good morning, D’ni.”

“Good morning, My Lady. Did you sleep well?” She spoke with an amused look on her face as if remembering a happy thought or a funny joke.

I teased her in return wishing to see the pink color return to her pale cheeks. “Not as deeply as some nights but well, thank you.”

She smiled knowingly. “I’m sorry you didn’t sleep as well as you would like. Perhaps when we are at our new home… in your new bed.”

Her retort was almost too cheeky and she looked away at the last moment but I had the blush I had wished for. Of course it wasn’t my girl but I sporting pink cheeks when Dawn pushed aside the flap of her tent and came out stretching and yawning. “Good morning, Lady Tara.” She bowed. “D’ni, do you have any kaffee made?” She held out Faith’s cup and I thought to myself that I would have to tease my sister for needing the drink before she could even come from her tent.

Within minutes the group had emerged from the various tents and greeted each other formally or less formally as station required. I wondered, not for the first time, who had schooled Xander on our customs and structure. He seemed to follow the position that when in doubt, use more rather than less respect and I found that quite appealing. William had taken his fish sandwich and fruit and wandered silently over to the horses where he circulated passing each of them another handful of grass or patting their noses or flanks. We ate quickly and struck camp before resuming our procession, myself in the lead once again.

In all, our morning ritual had taken less than an hour from the time I emerged from my tent. Dani told me that she had risen perhaps thirty minutes before me to start the fire and catch and clean the fish. I, of course, praised her highly for her consideration in rising so early to begin the day for the rest of the group and waggled my eyebrows at her flirtatiously as I commented that I would have to find some way to repay her for her efficiency. Finally I had my blush as well as a teasing response that she had no idea what I meant. Our smaller group had less need for our formal riding order than the day before and I faded back after about ten minutes to allow Faith the lead. She, following my example, faded back even more quickly to allow Master Stefan his share. Our process was quick this morning, even with Xander again riding. He was learning quickly but seemed tender and we all urged him to retake his position on the wagon after an hour of riding. When he did retake his place, he climbed onto the seat and rode with the driver for quite some time.

As the day before we stopped only briefly for lunch, planning a larger meal when we halted for the day. We all noted the changing vegetation as we moved farther from our home and kept our eyes peeled for signs of predators or other wildlife. At one point, I thought I saw a tiger but it kept eluding my vision. Stefan, Jonah, and Dawn took the hunt this day although we still had the meat from yesterday’s large kill. I asked them to only hunt for fowl and then agreed without question. For quite some time I rode by Faith and it was quite enjoyable as we were able to catch up on a great many personal issues that we didn’t usually have time to share. Her feelings for Stefan were quite sincere and she felt that his were as well. I had to believe the same or he would have been a great fool (which he was not) to agree to an appointment with the Lady of her Estate. I would not have been someone whose wrath he wished to raise. In fact, his service of Maclay East has been exemplary and I have enjoyed growing to know him throughout our Summers here.

This night’s halting was a mirror of the night before with the addition of the quail to our feast. Briena was already quite exalted in our group for her cooking skill and we sang a song to the hunters and then to her for her preparations. Before long we had designed a song for every member of our party no matter his skill or contribution to the project. The group drifted into small groups to visit, read, or whittle and Dani and I met with Faith and Stefan to confer on our position. We were on schedule for arrival at Maclay East late the following morning, only a few hours slower than we had intended in our planning. I believe that we had not quite estimated the extra time required by the wagons and all agreed that a journey without wagons would cut six or seven hours from the trip. Our sleeping arrangements matched those of the night before and I teased Faith into admitting that the cushion of air was a pleasant luxury.

I committed to myself that I would wake before my girl the next morning to give me a chance to watch her sleeping and then start the fire early. I did wake before her and had a moment to watch her but she woke as soon as I lifted my arm from around her waist, becoming instantly awake and whispering her greeting. I glanced over to see that Briena was asleep and kissed my lover quickly. “Today we reach our new home,” I elated. Dani kissed me back and hugged me seeming intensely happy that we would be one step closer on our adventure and in finding a place of our own.

It almost seemed a shame that our journey would conclude today. Our departure was nearing the status of a slick wheel—everyone working quickly to break camp. All members, from William and Xander to myself had saved our finest traveling clothes for today to make the best impression at our destination. I took the lead, passing it quickly to Faith but retook it upon nearing the Estate. As we rode, we were very conscious of the terrain and condition of this land. We three nobles and our servants took notes on the conditions and agreed that this wild land seemed promising.

It was perhaps 10:30 as we neared the path to the Estate. I had expected to be greeted by my ailing great cousin, all appropriate members of his household, and Steward Giles. We rode in a dignified and formal manner up to the gate bearing the Maclay name and crest, to find Steward Giles, three other men, and two women—none of them noble. Nonetheless, I extended my hand and the six members of Maclay East bowed three seconds to me before turning their devotion to Faith and Stefan. Giles was the very picture of formal greeting and made a very positive impression. As soon as I gave him leave to speak, he apologized for the meager greeting and explained that my grand-cousin had, in fact, passed early the day before. He had sent a messenger to our Estate with some hope that we would encounter him on his ride but not knowing our intended path, had little chance of the same. He explained that the Estate had not many members and that the three remaining servants and four working free men were tending to duties or sitting with the body. Our group was formally introduced to each of the contingent who had greeted us and I expressed my condolence at their loss.

Leading our horses, we now neared the threshold to our new home. Steward Giles stood his back to the Estate and front to me just under the gateway, showing that he knew the terminology we had for the Estate. “Lady Tara Maclay, may I, Steward Rupert Giles, in absence a ranking owner of this Land, welcome you to Maclay Estate East.”

[tazraven]

Oooh, Dibs! Reading now...

Ok then. Great chapter, and it gave me a bit more insight.

“I feel a sense of sadness at leaving our home, Tara.”

This line just really hit me for some reason. I guess because it was never Dani's choice to leave. So to have her say this, even with Tara's proceeding offer to stay, just made me sad. Because even though Tara offered, I can't imagine her ever actually staying or Dani ever expressing her want to stay there.

“You would like me to give it to him and tell him that it is my responsibility to provide for all the members of the group or that I found it in the kitchen?”

“Please, My Lady.”

I'm not really sure why I'm quoting this. I guess I just found it interesting the fluidity of Tara's title. One minute it's "Tara", the next it's "My Lady" or "Lady Tara." I know I've said it before, but it really does show the ambiguity of their relationship.

Later today I would drop a few coins into my girl’s purse to pay for the kit.

Another one of those I'm not exactly sure why I'm quoting. This one stood out to me for some reason. Maybe because Dani bought it with her own money, and I feel like that was her choice. She made the formal request for Tara to give Xander the kit, but she could have just as easily made the request for Tara to have a kit bought and given to him. I guess it's just another one of those times where Dani's choice is taken away without a thought.

William who had earned the unfortunate nickname William the Bloody for his tendency to fall down or walk into things and hurt himself when he was younger.

Just made me laugh out loud. Heheh, William the Bloody. Hehehe.

Dani kissed me back and hugged me seeming intensely happy that we would be one step closer on our adventure and in finding a place of our own.

Last one, I promise. It's the word "seemingly" that got me in this sentence. It could be perfectly innocent, or it could mean that Dani does not want to be there. Once again, your writing lends the ambiguity to the story that permeates the entire thing. Once again, great chapter and great story. I look forward to the next update

~Sara

[db]

*squeal*

a Waiting for Dani update!!!

*runs off to read*

I am, again, marveling at the sense of formality and ritual that accompanies so much of this story. There is so much ritual involved from who leads to who sleeps where and why. It seems like even a simple hand shake must convey a sense of 'pecking order'.

I feel like this formality is integral to this story (I mean, you could've said 'and they rode for two nights and two days and on the third day they arrived'), but instead the story takes us to a new place where heirarchy is revisited, aliances and friends are established and the relationship between Tara and Dani takes on yet another facet...

Tara offers to stay for Dani.

That's pretty huge. I guess I don't imagine that Tara considered the true possibility that Dani would say 'yes'... but if she had... if Dani really was too sad to leave, I think Tara would have tried to stop the wheels from moving, even if they were already in motion.

The sweet flirtation between the girls also seemed to take on a new level of, I dunno what, but Dani seems to be initiating physicality much more than she was before.

I love the characterization of Dani and Xander here... and William that Bloody. Frickin' brilliant!!!

I can't wait to learn more about Stewart Giles (and how *perfect* is it that the two people on the show who were such rules followers should be the ones to establish the new 'rules' of maclay east.

Yay!

I love this story!!!

db

Edited: Spellcheck!? pffft!

[dlline]

So many things have already been mentioned, but this one slapped me in the face:

She stuck the edge of the letter under the corner of the lamp and continued looking out the window.

Ok, Deb, what’s in the letter? Hmmm? This seems cagy to me, and now I’m curious.

I know that Tara asked Dani if she’d rather not leave, but I think Tara knew the answer all along, so I don’t sense any great sweeping gesture of awareness here. And of course, Dani gave her the answer that Tara needed to hear, as usual.

She smiled at me then and I could see the joy in her eyes just before she leaned down to kiss me. And her kiss was more passionate than I expected.
“I wonder if you can know how much I love you,” I murmured into her soft skin and she giggled and moaned …

Well, Tara, that’s all fine and dandy, but she still didn’t answer you, did she? Dani did a masterful job of backhanding the question away with her tongue, but she didn’t answer.

She leaned up and kissed me in such a way that I no longer thought about her generosity nor the coins and then bounced up onto her toes to twirl away from me. She began to sing…

Maybe I’m not getting something here. Dani was sad. Dani got the ok to give Xander his camp kit, and now Dani is bouncing around the room. This could be a couple of things, but I think it’s most likely me thinking too hard.

”William was…feeble of mind.”

This is too effing funny. I really kind of detest Spike and I love it when he becomes nothing but the punchline of a joke. Does William the stable guy walk around with his cheeks sucked in all the time? Just wondering. Plus, he’s still jonesin’ for Buffy. I love it.

I quite reveled in my girl’s place a half-horse length behind me. A smile played on my features which none but perhaps she could see at the thought of her superiority.

Who’s superiority? Dani’s? It’s fascinating to me that Tara seems to be objectifying Dani here, but reading it as if Dani is proud of her position, rather than Tara being proud of her servant. Again, I’m not sure. A little help perhaps.

I was as transfixed by my girl as I had been on that journey so many years ago. Her hair seemed to glow in the sunlight.

For some reason that I can’t explain, I just got an image…. Tara sees Dani in the sunlight (scene continues in slow-motion… cue wind machine). Dani removes leather tie and tosses her hair about seductively. Steamy glances ensue. Sorry…just wanted to share. I have no idea where that came from. Wait…. maybe it came from here:

I entertained a few wishful fantasies regarding the type of bathing I would like to do with Dani but it was not to be…
Of course the presence of the cook kept my girl and I from engaging in any of the activities I had found myself daydreaming of during the ride.

Or maybe it was the Medieval phone sex in the tent. Speaking of that part, there were an awful lot of Willow references. I sense something, but I’m playing that one close to the vest for now. I’ll just wait to see if I was right. This also reminds me of the cheeky teasing part. I sense small bits of Dani’s interest in the relationship as being something that she considers herself to be equally vested in, but there’s that freaking POV again.

Dani kissed me back and hugged me seeming intensely happy that we would be one step closer on our adventure and in finding a place of our own.

Seeming. Huge word here, I think. Hmmm…

Ok, to sum up, the girls are somewhere new, with new people. Dani seems to think it’s the start of something new, but we’re uncertain because of the POV. Tara seems to have relaxed a little from her battle with the green-eyed monster that was making her act frankly a little stupid. So, tra-la-la, everyone is happy, Amen.

Not that I really believe that, but hey, I’ll go there for now.

Great story, Deb. Keep it up.

Diane

[Emms]

*Double squeal!*

I read this this morning and it's wonderful!! I'll be back later (tomorrow morning probably) for a more detailed feedback as I have to leave for work in 10 minutes and I don't think I can say everything I want to in that time frame.

Love it tho'....

xoxo
Emms

[JujuDeRoussie]

Hello !!

Yay an update

It's great...I'm curious to see how things will be in this new home...
It's was a nice journey
I'm keeping reading

Thank you

Julia