FIC - Into the Woods

[Loco2]

sorry for tardy feedback, but it seemed that every single time i tried to read that update, i managed about a paragraph before getting interrupted



hah - earl, who woulda thought?



and anya's comments on product placement were hilarious, and i really don't see a problem with her way of making popcorn.....come on - we've all done it.



ooh, is there a hefty ol' stack of porn in that bag? i mean willow seemed quite interested in it....or is that just my gutter-mind coming up with a 'reasonable' explanation?



thanks for the update



steph

"I'm not gay - I'm just Trevor's bitch." - some drunken guy about his sexuality
"Oh, bugger off, you BROLLY!" - Anya to Giles on his use of the english language
"We'll all be a lot happier without the constant whining....Mom, Buffy, Tara, Waah" - DMW to Dawn

[blameburner]

Here we go... Chapter 1 of the mini-trilogy. Why a mini-trilogy, you ask? I have absolutely no idea. Cuz I'm a dork and I like to play with titles.



-BB



Title: Into the Woods - Part 12 (aka A New Hopey McHope Hope)

Author: blameburner

Feedback: Sure… Always a plus

Summary: While the men are away, the ladies will play. Anya, Buffy, Willow and Tara head into the woods for a little female bonding. Hijinks and wackiness are sure to follow.

Spoiler Warning: None - it's AU, I guess. It's set in the present - but no big bads, no S6 nastiness. Anya and Xander are together, Giles never left, Buffy never died, Dawn still exists, Spike helps out the Scoobies cuz he gets paid, and Willow and Tara never broke up since Willow was never addicted to magic. Pretty much think "Everyone's happy, together, and their usual amusing selves."

Disclaimer: Not my characters, but oh how I wish they were! Joss, blah blah, ME, blah blah. See end of this update for further disclaimer.

Rating: NC-17, just to be safe, cuz... well... if you read my other story, you know why.

Pairings: W/T… duh. Also B and A. But not B/A cuz, well, Buffy and Anya? That would just be scary - they'd kill each other!

Angst: Huh? What angst?





Part 12



"Yeah, just like that... no... right there... yeah... and then you... uh-huh... yes... and then..."



"S'mores!" Anya shouted proudly at the gooey mess of graham crackers, chocolate, and marshmallows in her hand.



Willow smiled at Anya. Sometimes the ex-demon's enthusiasm for the little things in life was really rather refreshing. And contagious.



"Now what?" Anya asked, her eyes wide in anticipation, ready to take more orders from Willow - at least in regard to making S'mores. Anya decided she would have to make it quite clear to Willow later that she wasn't about to let this whole giving orders thing become a habit. Tara might like it when Willow gets all large with the butch, but that doesn't work for me! she thought. Except when we're making S'mores.



"Now you eat it," Tara said simply.



Anya nodded and eyed her prey hungrily, rotating it in her hand to determine the best route of attack. Finally, she settled on the side where the melted marshmallow was oozing out the side of the sandwich. Her eyes narrowed and she sniffed once. Slowly she raised it to her lips. Her stretched her jaws open wide. Her teeth flashed in the moonlight.



Tara, Willow, and Buffy all sat riveted, watching Anya move in for the kill. Then suddenly, the entire S'more was gone. For a second, Buffy thought maybe some invisible demon had swooped in and stolen the gooey treat. Then she noticed Anya's cheeks.



"Mmmmm... s'gooood," Anya moaned happily, her words muffled by the S'more which was filling her mouth to capacity.



"Anya!" Willow laughed. "You're supposed to take a bite out of it, not shove it in your mouth all at once. You look like a chipmunk with his entire winter's supply of nuts stuffed in his mouth!"



Anya stopped chewing and looked at Willow like a child who'd just been shown all her Christmas presents and told she can't open them until July. Then the shopkeeper looked over Willow's shoulder and grinned smugly.



"Whas'rong wit shovin't in u'r mouff?" Tara's muffled voice called out from behind the redhead. Willow turned to find a mirror image of Anya's chipmunk cheeks.



"Tara!" Willow shouted even as she burst out laughing. The sight of her lover with an entire S'more in her mouth was just too much.



Tara winked at Anya, and then turned her most angelic expression back towards the redhead.



"You are a bad influence," Willow said, smiling. Tara nodded and munched happily.



"Don't we have more marshmallows?" Buffy whined.



"We had a whole ba-" Willow started to say, but stopped when she saw the now empty bag at the Slayer's feet. "Buffy? Where'd all the marshmallows go?"



Buffy looked down at the bag at her feet, and then looked sheepishly at her best friend. "Um... I, uh... ate them?"



Willow crossed her arms and gave her best "you're in so much trouble" glare.



"But... but... I was hungry! And... and... S'mores were taking too long! And... and... and... Slayer metabolism!" Buffy babbled defensively.



"Here. Have my Spam," Anya said, holding out the canned meat to the Slayer.



Willow and Tara looked at each other and giggled.



"Okay, that's just... ewww," Buffy said, her face contorting in disgust.



Anya shrugged and put the can back in her bag.



"Willow..." Tara said warningly.



"Oh, all right," Willow said in resignation, reaching into her backpack and pulling out a brand new bag of marshmallows. Buffy's eyes lit up as Willow handed her the bag. "We know how much of a sugar fiend you are."



"Yep, that's me," Buffy agreed as she slid two marshmallows on her stick and set them into the campfire.





The girls managed to demolish the second bag of marshmallows, an entire box of graham crackers, and a dozen chocolate bars. And the Skittles. And the cheese doodles. They were all stuffed.



"Oh. My. God," Willow moaned.



"Becky look at her butt," Buffy said automatically.



"Who's Becky?" Anya asked, quite confused. "Do I have something on my butt?!?" she asked in alarm.



Willow glared at Buffy, who had the decency to mouth "sorry," even though it was clear from the wicked gleam in her eyes that she didn't mean it.



"What's going on?" Tara asked, glancing back and forth between the Slayer and Willow.



"Nothing," Willow said quickly. Too quickly.



"Yeah, nothing," Buffy said innocently.



Anya shared a confused look with Tara, who shrugged and shook her head slightly. Both women noticed Willow was blushing slightly in the moonlight, which piqued their curiosity even more.



If Willow could have killed with a single look, Buffy would have been dead. Again.



"Well, you see-" Buffy started to explain.



"Buffy!" Willow practically growled.



Anya rubbed her hands together excitedly. "Ooo! Is this best friend secret time? Are we about to learn something very private and embarrassing about Willow?" she asked, looking at Buffy expectantly.



"Oh no, not just me! I wasn't the only one who did the dance!" Willow said defensively.



"There's a dance?" Tara asked her lover, completely amused.



All the color drained from Willow's face. "Um... uh..."



"Yes, there is definitely some danceage," Buffy said with a smirk. "Willow choreographed it."



"Please, Buffy," Willow begged her friend to stop explaining.



"Ahem," Tara cleared her throat and raised an eyebrow at Willow.



Willow gave Tara a pleading look, but Tara simply crossed her arms over her chest and waited. Willow sighed, her shoulders slumped in defeat.



"Fine," she grumbles as she stood up. "But Buffy has to do it, too."



"No way, Wil, this is soooooo all about you," Buffy said. Then Tara raised her eyebrow at the Slayer and tapped her fingers expectantly. Buffy knew she wasn't going to win against Tara's resolve face. "Fine," she echoed Willow's grumble and stood up.



"Ready?" Buffy asked Willow.



"Realize I'm going to kill you," Willow muttered.



"What are best friends for?" Buffy asked.



"Good question," Willow said under her breath. Both girls turned around so their backs were facing Tara and Anya. Then Willow counted off. "A one, and a two, and a..."



"Dum da da da dum dum," Willow sang the baseline, while both she and Buffy swung their hips back and forth. "Dum da da da dum dum..."



"I like big butts, and I cannot lie..." Buffy sang, jumping around to face their audience, breaking into the running man. "You other brothers can't deny..."



"That when a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist," Willow took the next part, spinning around while doing the cabbage patch, "and a round thing in your face you get..."



"Sprung!" both girls shouted while thrusting their hips forward forcefully, and then continued into the next verse, alternating lines back and forth between them.



Tara and Anya sat there staring, unable to believe their eyes as Willow and Buffy sang and danced "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-A-Lot.



By the end of the song, both Buffy and Willow were out of breath. They looked at Tara and Anya expectantly and apprehensively, who promptly burst out laughing.



"Oh, oh, oh!" was all Anya could say. "And the... with the... hahahahahahaha..."



"And singing!" Tara chimed in between giggles.



"Oh yes... you didn't tell us... there'd be singing!" Anya wheezed out. "Baaaaahahahaha!"



After another solid minute of laughing, both girls managed to contain their laughter.



"You know, I think your cabbage patch has improved, Willow," Buffy said soberly.



"Yes, and your running man is much, much better," Willow replied.



"Well, Giles and I have been working on it," Buffy said seriously.



Tara and Anya stopped laughing and stared wide-eyed at the two performers.



"Really? Me too!" Willow said. "That Giles... such a wonder of modern dancing."



"Yes, he's a regular Lord of the Dance," Buffy agreed.



Tara looked at Anya quizzically, unsure if Buffy and Willow were pulling their legs or not.



"And they talk about me taking them to scary visual places," Anya said, a chill going down her spine. "Giles. Dancing. On stage. Ugh."



Willow smirked at Buffy, who smirked back.



"Okay, I'm just going to ignore the whole Giles thing," Tara said, with Anya nodding her head in agreement. "But, well... so how did this little song and dance routine come about?"



"Slumber party," Willow and Buffy said in unison.



"But no one was ever supposed to know," Willow said pointedly while throwing a sneer at Buffy, who just rolled her eyes. "Secret, Buffy. Remember that word? Secret."



"Yeah, yeah," Buffy responded.



"Ooo, secret!" Anya said. "You mean like when me and Tar-"



Anya's blab-fest was cut short by Tara's hand clamping down over her mouth. Willow and Buffy both raised their eyebrows.



"No way," Tara said, shaking her head. "Don't even think about it."



"Turnabout's fair play, Tara," Buffy said wickedly, to which Anya nodded. The shopkeeper was only too willing to divulge some "secrets."



"No."



"But Tara..." Willow said.



"No."



"Awe, come on Tar-" Buffy started to say.



"No. No no no no no."



"I've got an idea," Willow whispered to Buffy in the face of the stone wall Tara had thrown up at their inquiries.



Buffy watched Willow with interest as the redhead walked over to her bookbag and carried back to her seat in front of the fire. Tara and Anya watched with interest to, even as Tara's hand was still covering Anya's mouth.



"Watch'ya got there, Wil?" Buffy asked, trying to peer into the bag.



"I think a little game is in order," Willow said, an evil grin plastered on her face.



"Uh-oh," Tara muttered, finally removing her hand.



"What. What?" Anya asked excitedly.



Willow reached into her bag and whipped out a tall bottle. Anya read the label and cheered. Tara covered her eyes and shook her head.



"Schnapps?" Buffy laughed. "What kind of game do you have in mind, my innocent friend?"



"How 'bout a little drinking game?" Willow asked.



"Yay! My first drinking game!" Anya enthused. "I've never played a drinking game before! Well, except that time Xander and I-"



Tara's hand once again clamped over Anya's mouth. "I've had enough scary visuals for one night, thank you," Tara said sweetly.



"Is that what you bought at Earl's today?" Buffy asked. "The 'nothing' you were hiding in the bag?"



"Yep," Willow said. "See, me and Tara were gonna sneak off tonight an-"



Willow suddenly found Tara's other hand clamped across her mouth.



"I see," Buffy said with a smirk. "So you two thought you'd head off and get drunk, is that it? Get drunk without your two best friends?"



Willow nodded silently as Tara removed both her hands and blushed.



"No fair!" Anya cried. "You cannot deny me my first drinking game! This is a girl bonding weekend and I demand equal bonding!"



"Here, here," Buffy agreed. "Nope, we're all sharing that bottle. Alright, Wil. Your bottle, so name the game," Buffy said.



"Okay," Willow said. "How about a little Truth or Dare?"



*************************



TBC with Part 13 (the second chapter of the mini-trilogy, aka The Schnapps Strikes Back)



Special Disclaimer: The lyrics in the above update are not mine - they belong to Sir Mix-A-Lot from the song "Baby Got Back."

"And remember... if you hurt her I will beat you to death with a shovel. A vague disclaimer's nobody's friend. Have fun!"

[lustandrhymeremover]

ROFL! With the dancing! And Giles! And the singing! LOL!



You know, I've found it's actually quite hard to fit a whole smore in your mouth, too. Go Anya - I salute an ever-expansive jaw.



Bad Willow and Tara. Hoarding schnapps like that... But drinking games! What fun! Loving every moment of this story. So just be sure to be quick with the next part

A thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters would eventually come up with a season better than 6

[kathy94]

LMAO



Great update!! Willow and Buffy dancing and singing!!! That was too funny!!!



Can't wait for truth or dare

"I want my room to be Willow-friendly" Tara-New Moon Rising

"She's my everything"
Willow-Tough Love

[Kieli]

ROTFLMFAOH! I don't think I've smirked and laughed so hard through a fic in my life! I could just hear the Sir Mix-a-Lot song running through my head. Oh my freaking g-d! It was just too much....I admit it, I snorted my Vanilla Coke!

BB, you are DA BOMB!



Toni

Love is tricky. It is never mundane or daily. You can never get used to it. You have to walk with it, then let it walk with you. You can never balk. It moves you like the tide. It takes you out to sea then lays you on the beach again. Today's struggling pain is the foundation for a certain stride through the heavens. You can run from it but you can never say no. It includes everyone."--Amy Tan "The Hundred Secret Senses"

[dekalog]

How can you say no angst?



You leave it there? But, But, but you can't - it's not fair.



Especially since I'm a sad. sad, sad individual who has never actually eaten smores.



really like it so far though

[OhGroovetasticOne]

BB,

I love this story. Just thought I’d make that clear. This whole thing is so funny and my curiosity is definitely peaked about the secret. I guess I’ll join Toni and admit I snorted my Dr. Pepper. Damn that burns, but it was worth it. Thanks for a great read. Oh I almost forgot the best part, no angst!



-KT

so come on and test me, go on and try it, because I know that I fit perfectly inside you, and to deny this love would be to deny your heart, and you’re going be the one who breaks it, baby, if you choose to walk


you, the stranger who took a chance, held me at a distance so I could see myself, so thank you for everything you gave without knowing, and thank you for letting me fall in love without withholding




-Melissa Ferrick - The Stranger

[frau rosenclay]

I loved this new part. I was blushing in embarrasment for Willow when she had to do that dance. Always getting under my skin, this writing style you exhibit.



So, drinking fun is coming up, this should be exciting. I look forward to your next update. !!!!!!!

[SlayerTazz]

ROTFLMAO - that was just TOOOOO funny Well all except that scary visual of Giles and the dancing. I may have nightmares about that one. Is it wrong that I can so picture Buffy and Willow doing that dance?



I can't wait for the next update!!

A dream is a wish the heart makes.

Willow: "You had two eggs, sunny-side-up. I remember because they were wiggling at me like little boobs."

Tara: "Sassy Eggs."

[umadamber]

I just wanted to say that that part mad me laugh so hard and it can only get better with the drinking.

Willow: Oh, um. Various sounds of hesitation.
Tara: She was just a friend.
Willow: Friends are nice.

[mollyig]

It seems there's a lot of secrets to be divulged. Methinks the schnapps will help!



Great fun. Thanks.

Adding up the total of a love that's true, multiply life by the power of two
Indigo Girls

[the vamp nurd]

X a million.

The vamp nurd from the floor.

[tiredsoul]

Hysterical.



The dance was great. Tara cracked me up the most. The hand clamping and resolve face, along with the chipmunk look, were great. I can only imagine what Anya was gonna blurt out.



So that's what was in the bag? And a game of Truth or Dare involving liquor. Hmm, that got me into a lot of trouble a few times too many.



--celia

---------------------------------

"That was just rude. Now I forget what I was saying."

[singgirl]

OMG!! the dancing...oh man.. I really love this fic, I just laugh my ass off every time I read it!!

[Thanatopsis]

OMG, that was hilarious. And then the added part about Giles just about killed me. Curious about the next part and the secrets.

-------
"Yeah, 'tis the season. Whatever that means." Amends
Insist upon yourself and never imitate. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

[MadeinNZ]

Giles - Lord of the Dance!! But not the scary one eh? Can't wait for truth or dare.

------------------------------


Buffy: I'd like to find Willow and Xander
Joyce: Will you be slaying?
Buffy: Only if they give me lip

[spazz07]

LOL, just too god damn funny BB, i was crying, but only cause my ribs hurt from laughing so much. Willow and Buffy's dance was just so hilarious and I totally love your Anya. Tara's about to learn what comes around goes around and that secrets are not better left unsaid



Cheers

Nath

Isn't it funny how you feel your most tired five minutes before you have to get up.

[Puff]

Giles must be the scary lord of the dance that Tara was talking about in OMWF Ok that update was damn funny I giggled all the way through it. S'mores sound great and I have to try them. I'm looking forward to the divulging of secrets with a little help from the alcohol

-----------------------
You know, it's a real deal relationship and that's why people can relate to it
Amber Benson

[Tulipp]

Hilarious, blameburner! You know, as wacky as it seems, I really can picture Willow and Buffy doing that dance. And now I'm thinking of the end of Shrek, too. Who'd have thought.



But it's so much fun to read these interactions, to see them all just having a good time. Love it! And I can't wait to see the truth or dare game played.

Edited by: Tulipp at: 9/10/02 8:57:22 am

[Grimaldi]

that was too funny with Willow and Buffy doing the dance and singing Baby Got Back. Giles teaching them the dances was funny too and a little disturbing. can't wait for the Truth or Dare game.

Dude, we're surrounded by perverts!

Fucking Windows 98, get Bill Gates in here!

2nd place??? That's just a fancy term for loser!

[saule77]

I LOVE Truth or Dare games!!! Can't wait for the update!

I know I haven't given any feedback on your fic yet (I'm a lurker more than a poster, really) but I absolutely love it, it's hilarious. Love your Anya, BTW.

It's one of those you go back to when you've had a long day or just when you need some good old-fashioned fun!



Thanks

*********************************

You can tell it's not gonna have a happy ending when the main guy's all bumpy (Tara in "Crush")

[blameburner]

Howdy all! Well, the Truth or Dare update is taking me a little while, so it might be a few more days before Part 13 is up. Then there's just two more chapters after that! Goodness gracious. You know, this fic was supposed to only be like 4 or 5 parts. But it was so much fun to write, and y'al seem to be getting a kick out of it, so...



Anyway, on to the replies!



***lustandrhymeremover - " Go Anya - I salute an ever-expansive jaw." LMAO! Too funny.



***kathy94 - Glad you liked it. *G*



***MissQuirky - Secrets, secrets... yes, secrets shall be revealed. Hehehe.



***Kieli - You snorted your Vanilla Coke? Really??? I'll definitely take that as a compliment. *G*



***dekalog - Awe come on! That's not angst! Trust me, I've written angst, and that ain't even close!



***OhGroovetasticOne - Oh Dear Lord, more soda snorting! I think I'd best add a "no drinking beverages while reading updates" disclaimer, lest I get sued! Hehe.



***frau rosenclay - Yeah, I was a bit embarrassed for Willow, too. But I think we've all got scary song and dance skeletons in our closets. *G*



***SlayerTazz - No, it's not wrong at all that you can picture them doing that dance. As for the nightmares... yep, I'm right there with ya.



***umadamber - Everything gets better with drinking! Hehehe.



***mollyig - Methinks that youthinks right.



***the vamp nurd - Wow, that much laughing must hurt. *G*



***tiredsoul - Well, as understanding and patient as Tara is, sometimes even she has to revert to five year-old behavior (the hand clamping) in order to deal with the likes of Anya. And Willow. Hehe.



***singgirl - I'm glad you're enjoying it. But it's almost over!



***Thanatopsis - The Giles bit was a total late addition - so I suppose the real question is, were Willow and Buffy just pulling Tara and Anya's legs? Or were they serious? Hmmmm......



***MadeinNZ - I dunno, I'd argue that Giles would be the scary Lord of the Dance!



***spazz07 - I'm sorry I made you cry! Even if it was from laughing. *G*



***Puff - You must you must you must! S'mores are an absolute must! Especially sticking them in your mouth all at once. Though I wouldn't know anything about that, no matter what you might have heard.



***Tulipp - Shrek! I love that movie!!! And it doesn't seem wacky at all that you can picture it... I mean, they are best friends, right? And I always figured they must have had slumber parties... and what else do you do at slumber parties but make an ass out of yourself? Though, I wouldn't know anything about that, either. BTW, since I haven't mentioned it in a while (I've been really bad about replying in people's threads lately), I love love love Terra Firma. You write brilliantly! Your prose style is absolutely unbelievable. If anyone hasn't read Tulipp's Terra Firma, go read it. Right now. Run, don't walk.



***Grimaldi - The Giles thing was disturbing, wasn't it. Yikes!



***saule77 - Well thanks, I'm glad to have you along. This story was totally a break for me... I had this whole long, epic story planned, but by the time I finished writing The Guardian, I just couldn't handle writing any more angst! It's all about the fun, baby!



-BB

[areslei]

OMG. Buffy. Willow. Baby Got Back. AH HA HA! great update. I'm anxiously awaiting the truth or dare bit....even a little giddy about it. And schnapps is always fun. Now smores, cheese doodles, marshmallows, and spam....THAT is the breakfast of champions!

you two are the two who are the two...
Baby, I said it's all in our hands, got to learn to respect what we don't understand...'Fugitive' Indigo Girls

[the vamp nurd]

yup it hurts but it's good........... .

[nika]

That was so funny! I'm jealous at how well you do humor.

You capture them all perfectly. Lord of the dance, Giles? Baby got back? Ha-ha-ha-hee-hee-hee...too much!

[fairydust]

OMG!!!!! LOL....That was so funny. My best friend and I made up our own dance to that song..... .....We have to remember to never do it at a church retreat again.....aparently its not a good song to play at a religous event



Glad we finally found out what's in the bag, I cant wait for the truth or dare game Now, that is fun to play while drunk lol...Well, not so much fun when your friends ask you super duper embarassing questions that you cant help but answer cuz you tend to say and do anything while youre drunk and then when you sober up you remember that they made you tell secrets that were supposed to remain ya know...secrets And that they also made you dance around the block naked while they video taped the whole thing Even the enounter with the hottie girl who was new in town, just walking down the street to go visit her grand parents!!! Okay, Im done with my little rant. *mutters...damn friends* No more secrets for me!LOL



Sorry....lol....anyway, cant wait for the next part. I love this story

*****Faye*****I LOVE YOU JENNA
Shameless self promotion....visit my website, dont have too much on there, but I think It's worth a look
http://www.geocities.com/photofairy2004/index.html

Edited by: fairydust  at: 9/11/02 11:10:33 am

[TromDeGrey]

Oh oh oh oh oh oh!!!!! I am in agony!!! That was SO freakin hilarious!!!!!

"Live or die, but don't poison everything..." -Anne Sexton

[shootingstar]

I can't believe I missed two updates! But it was so worth it!



You used the Big Butt song!!!!!!!! it's suhch a great song, lol! It always makes me laugh but having Buffy and Willow dancing to it and singing it had me in complete hysterics! As soon as I read the 'oh.my.god. Beccy look at her butt' I knew what was coming and I was already laughing my ass off. You kick ass! That made my entire week!



Luv Star x

***
No it was the frogs! Take them! They stole the pie...
-Sleeping Willow in Loco2's >insert imaginative title here<

[mocha fiend 22]

lmao... oh that was so funny and i can't wait for truth or dare this is going to get funnier and funnier

The word "gulp" comes to mind.

[blameburner]

Bet you thought I forgot about this story, huh? I admit, I've been a bit distracted by Truth of Deception. Ahwell, what are ya gonna do when the creative juices are flowing.



Here's Chapter 2 of the mini-trilogy. After this, there is the conclusion of the mini-trilogy with Part 14, and then a brief epilogue. I can't believe it's nearly over!



This part is quite long - I went a bit crazy. And there's more singing. Scary. Enjoy!



-BB



Title: Into the Woods - Part 13 (aka The Schnapps Strikes Back)

Author: blameburner

Feedback: Sure… Always a plus

Summary: While the men are away, the ladies will play. Anya, Buffy, Willow and Tara head into the woods for a little female bonding. Hijinks and wackiness are sure to follow.

Spoiler Warning: None - it's AU, I guess. It's set in the present - but no big bads, no S6 nastiness. Anya and Xander are together, Giles never left, Buffy never died, Dawn still exists, Spike helps out the Scoobies cuz he gets paid, and Willow and Tara never broke up since Willow was never addicted to magic. Pretty much think "Everyone's happy, together, and their usual amusing selves."

Disclaimer: Not my characters, but oh how I wish they were! Joss, blah blah, ME, blah blah. See below for Special Disclaimer.

Rating: NC-17, just to be safe, cuz... well... if you read my other story, you know why.

Pairings: W/T… duh. Also B and A. But not B/A cuz, well, Buffy and Anya? That would just be scary - they'd kill each other!

Angst: Huh? What angst?





Part 13



"Truth or Dare?" Tara asked with a squeak.



"What's the matter, Tara?" Buffy asked smugly. "Got something to hide?"



"What? Who, me? Uh... no?" Tara said uncertainly. She looked over at Willow pleadingly.



"Oh, no. You made me dance," Willow said happily. "Like Buffy said, turnabout's fair play."



"So you don't know what she's trying to hide, either?" Buffy asked, leaning over to whisper in Willow's ear.



"Nuh-uh," Willow said, smiling. "But I can't wait to find out."



"I am unfamiliar with the rules of Truth or Dare. Please explain," Anya said.



"Well, basically someone starts by asking someone else whether they want to answer a question - Truth - or take a Dare," Willow explained.



"So you have to decide before you hear the question?" Anya asked. Willow nodded. "Ooo, this has disaster written all over it!"



Willow grinned. So did Buffy. Tara, however, just covered her eyes and shook her head.



"Please, continue with your fine explanation," Anya said.



"So you say 'Truth' or you say 'Dare,' and then the first person either asks you a question or gives you a dare to perform," Willow said. "Then, after you've answered the question or done the Dare, you get to ask someone else 'Truth or Dare?'"



"Ooooo!" Anya squealed in delight. "I like this game. There is great potential for embarrassment and humiliation! I should suggest this to Halfreck as a form of Vengeance."



"Uh, Wil?" Buffy asked, raising her hand slightly. "How is this a drinking game?"



"Uh... well..." Willow paused. She hadn't really thought about that part. "Oh, I've got it!" she said suddenly. "When it's your turn to ask, you have to take a drink. When you take a Truth, you drink one as well. When you take a Dare, you have to drink twice."



"Wow," Buffy said. "So why would anyone take a Dare if they have to drink twice?"



"I guess that just depends on how badly you want to avoid a question," Willow said, looking directly at Tara. Tara grimaced.



"Okay!" Buffy said, rubbing her hands together. "So who's the first victim? Er, I mean, who's gonna ask the first question?"



"I will, I will!" Anya shouted, snatching the bottle out of Willow's hand.



"Hey!" Willow cried indignantly.



"I'm a Truth or Dare virgin. It's time to break my cherry," Anya said.



Willow, Tara, and Buffy all just groaned.



"And yet again with the scary visual place," Buffy muttered.



"Okay, who shall I wreak vengeance upon?" Anya said wickedly, eyeing Willow, Tara, and Buffy in turn.



"Um, is it just me, or is that evil look in her eyes just a bit too familiar?" Buffy whispered to Willow. Of course, this inadvertently caught Anya's attention, too.



"Buffy!" Anya said. "I choose you!"



"Lucky me," Buffy muttered.



"Truth or Dare?"



"Uh... Truth?" Buffy croaked.



"Have you ever seen Xander's penis?" Anya asked.



"No! Dear Lord, no! Absolutely, positively, one hundred percent no to that question!" Buffy shouted. "And might I add, eww?"



"Oh, no," Anya said, shaking her head. "Xander's penis is not eww-worthy at all. Actually, it's-"



"For the love of God, Jesus, Zeus, Hestia, and George Washington, I beg you not to finish that sentence," Willow said between gritted teeth.



"Fine, fine. It's time to drink, anyway," Anya said, taking a good swig from the bottle. Then she handed it to Buffy.



"Jesus?" she asked Willow before taking a swig.



"George Washington?" Tara asked bemusedly.



"I was trying to be thorough!" Willow said huffily. Tara laughed.



"Hey!" Willow squealed as Tara kept laughing. "You try having Xander-penis-flashbacks in your head, and then have Anya start describing it!"



All eyes turned to Willow.



"You, you, you've seen it?" Buffy sputtered.



"Well, uh..." Willow croaked. "Yeah?"



Tara crossed her arms over her chest. "When?"



"Tara, no, it's not what you're think-"



"When?" Tara demanded again.



"We were kids! Xander and Jesse wanted to play 'Doctor,' which I thought would be really fun since I had a whole toy medical kit at home, and so I ran home to get it, and then I raided my parents linen closet cuz I needed more gauze and Band-Aids and stuff cuz, you know, toy medical kits don't really have real gauze or Band-Aids, and I wanted to be thorough, so I ran back and I guess Jesse had convinced Xander that playing 'Doctor' meant having that exam where you drop your pants and cough?... I think he'd seen it on tv... So, so, so when I got back Xander was standing there and his shorts were around his ankles! I screamed and covered my eyes and turned around and ran home!"



Willow finally stopped her babble and took a deep breath, waiting. Then Buffy and Tara burst out laughing, making Willow laugh too. Anya, however, was not laughing.



"You've seen Xander's penis," she said calmly. Too calmly.



"Well, Yeah, sorta, but-"



"You've seen Xander's penis!" Anya huffed.



"Anya, we were five!" Willow said defensively.



"Anya, calm down. Here, have another drink," Buffy suggested, holding the bottle out to the shopkeeper.



Anya waved it off and stood up, then marched over to stand in front of Tara. She crossed her arms and tapped her foot.



"Well?" Anya said, waiting.



"Um, well what?" Tara asked, confused.



"Willow saw my boyfriend's penis. Turnabout is fair play, or so you all keep saying," Anya said. This brought Willow to her feet. Tara, however, held her hand up to her girlfriend, keeping Willow at bay.



"Anya, I don't have a penis," Tara said simply.



"Well, duh!" Anya said, rolling her eyes. "But you have a-"



"Don't you dare finish that sentence," Willow growled, taking a step closer.



"Wil," Tara warned, "I've got it." Tara turned her attention back to Anya. "Anya, listen to me. Willow saw Xander's penis. When they were five. For about two seconds. It's not even the same penis anymore, I'm sure it's much, uh... bigger."



Anya nodded enthusiastically, pleased with her boyfriend's physical development.



"So, does it really matter? Xander didn't really show it to Willow - she just saw it. Anya, Xander only wants to show his penis to you. He loves you, and you and he and his penis have a wonderful future together. So is something that happened so long ago really important? Is it worth getting Willow and I upset?" Tara finished.



"Well..." Anya thought for a moment. "No, I don't want to upset you. Though getting Willow upset is highly entertaining."



"Hey!" Willow yelled.



"So we're in agreement, then, that no, um - turnabout - is required?" Tara asked.



"Yeah, okay," Anya answered. She went and sat back down.



"Good. Now have another drink," Tara suggested. Anya did have another drink. Willow just stood there, dumbfounded.



"Wil, honey? Sit down," Tara said gently.



"Huh? Oh, right," Willow said, sitting down.



"Okay, now who's turn is it?" Tara asked.



"That'd be me, I guess," Buffy said, taking another drink since it was her turn to ask. "Let's see... Tara. Truth or Dare?"



"Dare," Tara answered without hesitation. Buffy handed her the bottle, and Tara took two swigs.



"Okee-dokee then. Uh..." Buffy thought for a bit. "Tara, I dare you to... uh... hell, I don't know!"



"Well, she could tie a cherry stem with her tongue," Willow suggested.



"Willow!" Tara admonished. "No help from the peanut gallery."



"Really? You can do that?" Buffy asked, impressed.



"Uh, yeah?" Tara said, blushing heavily.



"Oh, yeah," Willow practically moaned.



"Well, seeing as how we don't have any cherry stems," Buffy said, "how 'bout you sing?"



Tara blew a sigh of relief. Singing was one thing she could do, without embarrassment. She stood up.



"What do you want me to sing?" Tara asked.



"Row, Row, Row Your Boat!" Anya shouted.



"YMCA!" Buffy yelled.



"You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'" Willow said quietly.



Tara turned to face her love. Then she grinned.



"Okay, what's going on?" Anya asked. "Something's definitely going on."



"Definitely," Buffy agreed.



Willow blushed.



"Does this have anything to do with Top Gun?" Buffy asked.



Willow's blush deepened. She looked up into Tara's gaze, which had turned heated. Smoldering, really.



"Guns? Guns on top of what?" Anya asked.



"It's a movie, Anya," Buffy said. "Are you telling me you've never seen Top Gun? Oh, you'd like it. Tom Cruise. Val Kilmer. Shirtless. Very hot."



"So, Willow wants naked Tom Cruise?" Anya asked, turning to Willow. "What kind of lesbian are you?"



Willow sputtered.



"No, Anya. She wants me to sing to her," Tara said huskily. Willow gulped.



"I don't get it," Anya said.



"There's a scene in the movie Willow totally goes gaga over, where a bunch of sailors serenade this woman in a bar," Buffy whispered.



"Oh, I get it," Anya said uncertainly. She really didn't get it at all.



"You never close your eyes, anymore, when I kiss your lips," Tara began to sing, slowly approaching her lover. Anya scrambled over to sit next to Buffy to get a better view. Willow gulped again.



"And there's no tenderness, like before, in your fingertips," Tara continued singing.



"Da-dum, da-dum, da-dum," Buffy started swaying and singing the background baseline. Anya shrugged and joined in. Tara looked back and smirked, and then shifted her gaze back to Willow, who's mouth was hanging open.



"You're trying hard not to show it," she sang.



"Baby!" Buffy and Anya filled in.



"But baby, baby I know it." Tara dropped to her knees in front of Willow. "You've lost that lovin' feelin', whoa that lovin' feelin', you've lost that lovin' feelin' now it's gone, gone, gone, whoa."



Willow's mouth had gone dry. Buffy and Anya were standing now, choreographing their backup singer routine as they went. Tara stood and continued to serenade her lover.



Finally she finished the song, and Buffy and Anya clapped and cheered. Tara blushed lightly and dipped her head. Then she felt strong yet soft fingers underneath her chin, tipping her head back up. She looked into her lover's eyes. Willow kissed her softly and whispered, "I love you."



"Me too, darling," Tara whispered back, dropping another kiss on Willow's lips. The two women sat back down, next to each other.



"That was a very good Dare, Buffy," Anya said.



"Buffy?" Tara asked with a smirk. "I don't think that was Buffy singing."



"No, but she came up with the Dare, so she gets the credit. Good job," she said to the Slayer. "Oh, job well done to you, too, Tara."



"Gee, thanks, Anya," Tara said sarcastically.



"You're welcome," Anya responded.



"Okay, baby. Your turn," Willow said, handing Tara the bottle. She took a drink, then handed it back to Willow.



"Truth or Dare, sweetie?" she asked.



"Oh, uh... truth?" Willow said uncertainly, and then drank.



"What do you like most about each person here?" Tara asked.



Buffy and Anya both "oooo'd" and "ahhhh'd."



"Wow, tough question," Willow muttered.



"Hey!" both Buffy and Anya shouted indignantly.



"No, no, I mean... there's just so many things, uh, it's hard... you know, to, uh, pick just, uh, one?" Willow backpedaled.



"Good cover, Wil," Buffy said, rolling her eyes.



"Actually... it's true. Okay, Buffy... What I like most about you is... your loyalty. To your friends and family. It's not always easy, and you might feel like giving up, but you never quit. You just keep fighting, not because you're supposed to, but because we," Willow waved her hand, indicating herself, Tara, and Anya, "could be hurt or killed or something worse if you didn't."



"Something worse? Worse than getting killed?" Buffy said.



"Oh, sure! There are many things worth than getting killed!" Anya said brightly. "There's having every single bone in your body broken, starting with the fingers... there's having hot oil poured on your-"



"Okay! Moving right along!" Willow said loudly. "Anya..."



"What? What'd I do?" Anya said defensively.



"Anya, what I like best about you is... uh..." Willow paused uncertainly. Then it came to her. "I like how little you know."



"Willow!" Tara admonished. Anya hung her head, crestfallen.



"No! No, that's not what I mean." Willow tried again. "What I mean, Anya, is that you're still really young, you know? You don't understand a lot of what's going on, but you're always willing to try and learn - learn about the things you don't understand. I can respect that."



Anya blinked. Then blinked again. "You mean... you like me?"



Willow nodded. "God help me, but yeah. Sometimes."



"You like me!" Anya squealed. "You really like me!" She ran over and engulfed Willow in a bear hug.



"Okay," Willow gasped. "Oxygen. Becoming. Issue."



Anya squealed once more and then sat back down next to Buffy.



"As for you," Willow said, turning her attention to her love. "I don't even know where to start."



Tara dipped her head slightly. "That's okay, Willow. You don't have-"



"But I want to," Willow said, dipping her head down to catch Tara's eyes. "You deserve to know. You deserve to hear how wonderful you are. How special. How amazing."



"How loved?" Tara said quietly.



Willow smiled. "Yes, especially that. How loved. So I have to modify the question, slightly. What I love most about you," Willow underlined, "is your heart. How much courage it has. How strong it is. How gentle. How compassionate."



Tara gazed back into Willow's eyes, unblinking.



"But what I love most of all," Willow said, her voice dropping a notch, "is how your heart holds mine safe. I love how you love me."



Willow kissed her then, slowly, gently. She stroked Tara's cheek and poured her heart and soul into the kiss. It took both of their breathe away.



"Ahem," Buffy cleared her throat. Willow and Tara broke the kiss slowly, their eyes lingering for a moment before turning their attention back to Buffy and Anya.



"Sorry," Buffy mumbled, apologizing for her interruption.



"S'ok," Willow replied.



"Okay, Wil. It's your turn," Buffy said.



"Anya, Truth or Dare?" Willow asked.



"Ooo, she picked me! Willow picked me!" Anya said gleefully, nudging Buffy with her elbow.



"Yes, I see that," Buffy said, rubbing her ribs. "Ouchie," she muttered.



"Let's see... do I want to answer a potentially embarrassing question about intimate details of my life? Or do I want to put my underwear on my head and dance like a chicken?" Anya wondered aloud.



"Please pick chicken, please pick chicken," Tara mumbled under her breath.



"Um... ooo... tough decision... I'll pick... Truth!" Anya said, finally.



Buffy got a wicked gleam in her eye. Tara groaned.



"Now we're getting somewhere!" Willow said excitedly. She took a drink, then handed Anya the bottle. "Okay, so tell us Anya... what secret were you going to tell us before, the one about when you and Tara...?" she trailed off, hoping Anya would fill in the gaps.



"Oh! Right! Yes, secrets!" Anya said excitedly, a broad grin covering her face. Then she looked over at Tara, who was peering at her between the fingers covering her eyes. She tilted her head slightly, looking at Tara intently. Then she sighed. "The big secret was that one night while watching movies, Tara and I ate a whole bag of double-stuff Oreos. And a large pizza."



Tara pulled her hand away from her face and cocked her head. Did Anya just...?



"That's it? That was the big secret?!?" Willow asked incredulously. Anya nodded.



"Well that just sucks!" Buffy criticized. "Here I was expecting law breaking or crowds of onlookers or... or... nudity!"



"Nudity? Nudity! What do you mean, nudity? There will be no thinking of nudity and my girlfriend at the same time! At least, no thinking of such things by you!" Willow yelled.



"Willow! I..." Buffy said defensively.



While Willow and Buffy continued their argument over Tara's nudity, or lack thereof, Tara looked over at Anya. The shopkeeper just shrugged slightly, and then she winked. Tara couldn't believe it. Anya had covered for her. She smiled the biggest smile she ever had, to which Anya responded in kind.



"Okay, excuse me!" Tara interrupted the still ongoing argument over Tara's lack of nekkidness. If they only knew, Tara thought gratefully. The last thing I wanted to have to explain to Willow was streaking through the quad last spring because Anya bet me I wouldn't!



Buffy and Willow stopped arguing and the four women returned to the game. After nearly another half-an-hour, the bottle was finally empty.



"Sssoooo, nowwww wfhatt?" Anya slurred. She was totally bombed.



"Wwhoooo needs anofer dwink? I knoooww Idooo," Buffy slurred right back, sticking her finger in the air with gusto as if she were making a point. Of course, this threw her off balance and she fell backwards off the log she was sitting on.



"Heeeeeeeyyy, wher'd Bunny go?" Willow asked, sounding equally drunk. "Bunny? Bunny?" she called out.



"Vere's bwunnies hwere?" Anya asked, concerned.



"Nononononono, Anwya... sno bwunnies," Tara said as reassuringly as possible. She absently tried to pat Anya on the shoulder, and ended up patting air instead.



"My name's Duffy!" came a muffled voice. The other three women looked over fuzzily and saw two legs sticking straight up in the air from behind the log. A finger shot up between the two legs. "Duffy! Er, um, no... thatssnottttright. Erm... Buffy! Buffy!"



"Okkkeeeee-dokkkkeeee smokeeeeey!" Willow said, giggling. "Com'on Bunny! Anwya! Time for nighty-nite."



Willow staggered to her feet, dragging Tara up with her. They stumbled over to Anya and got her up, then headed over to grab Buffy. They finally got the Slayer up to her feet after several tries, and on wobbly legs the four women made it to the tents.



"Ev'rything's ssspinnin'," Buffy groaned before flopping onto the sleeping bag on the left side of the tent. Anya was practically unconscious, being helped up by Tara and Willow.



The two lovers eyed each other through amazingly clear eyes and grinned. Willow nodded and the two girls, as gently as it was possible to dump someone, dumped Anya onto the other sleeping bag. Tara quickly zipped up the tent and grabbed Willow's hand, dragging her over to the other tent.



"I can't believe we pulled it off!" Willow giggled as they dove into their own tent, before her giggles were stifled by Tara's hungry kiss.



**************************



TBC with Part 14 (aka Return of the Wiccan Sex Machine)



Special Disclaimer: The lyrics in the above update come from "You've Lost That Loving Feeling," by the Righteous Brothers.