Waiting for Dani - Complete 06/11/07

[PancakesinBellies]

Wow, Debra, I do believe that you have surpassed yourself. This is an incredibly evocative update, but it leaves so many things left unsaid or unresolved that I almost dread the next update. I know that the story with have a happy ending, but I also suspect that it will not be an easy road to get there. The things that the girls have failed to discuss will, I fear, come back to haunt them, maybe to the detriment of their relationship. Above all else, the fact that Dani is unable to see that Tara truly loves her breaks my heart for the girl. I can't help but feel that if she had that knowledge, her life would be changed for the better. And yet they would still be caught by their societal roles. Quite a stunning world you've created here Debra. I commend you.

[JujuDeRoussie]

Hello !!!

Great update...
It's a good tradition this journey without dominant relation. Good idea...

I lay on the pallet as she had directed but pulled her into my arms. “I have many thoughts but I’ve never doubted wanting you.” She kissed my hand again and pulled my arms tighter around her body but didn’t answer. I waited a few minutes and waited a few more before realizing that she was no longer awake. And then I was no longer awake.

It's sweet...

It seems they enjoyed their journey, but at the same time there are fears and thoughts they didn't say at each other...it's dangerous for the futur, isn't it?

I so rarely thought of D’Shel as Dani’s mother, yet she was.

They don't know the story yet... But I guess they'll learn it soon...

Peace had finally overtaken years of political skirmishes to the North and we expected some attendees from that direction. We speculated on the appearances of these countrymen with whom we had never had any interactions

Some secrets will be discovered... and now I have one more hypothesis about what happened, and why Tara is waiting her girl.


Hahahaa there are Willow trees here ^^

I have so much more to say about other parts certainly more important, but it's hard to express myself in English

Oh! I enjoy the way you write at the first person and through Tara.

Thanks for this update... it was really great.

Regards,

Julia

P.S.: for the foreign languages, be glad, you can speak english everywhere... [Los asuelos porfavor?]
I have an english test in January... Then I'll know my new level since I read fics ^^

[Willowtree252]

Debra I am in awe of this story it runs very deep and full of mystery about the future and beyond. I will sit and let it unfold in front of my eyes as always I agree with db on all of this Dani must know about them being bonded But she want Tara to love her for her not because of somthing else. Dani is in love with Tara and is nervous about the uknown because of lack of comunication.

[stenen]

Just want to tell you that I really like your story

I hope I don't haft to wait too long for an update

[db]

Ooh! Ooooh! You updated and I missed it somehow...

I am glad that they had some time alone as equals -- and their mutual attraction seems apparent what with the blushing and the cuddles and the oggling of nekkidness -- but I feel like they did not take full advantage of this opportunity to really *talk* and now the mark taking ceremony is upon them and their love is not out in the open!! *wah*.

They both seem uncertain of the others' intentions -- not of their love or commitment to each other, but of thier romantic-type intentions... and they didn't discuss it! Man! I feel like this is bad. Dani is going to take her marks and there is this whole speculation on her heritage and somehow, some way, I am afraid that angst is forthcoming.

I am going to go ahead and speculate myself (hey, Tara's doing it!). I think Tara's right, that Dani and D'shel are of noble heritage. I wonder if D'shel was running away from something, or if she *knows* something... like there was some sort of special future awaiting her daughter in this place? I don't know, but the foreshadowing with the Willow trees and this upcoming party bringing nobility from all reaches of the country spells some sort of enlightenment, and, quite possibly, most probably, I am speculating wildly. that something regarding Dani is going to be revealed.

I just wish they were able to be honest and forthcoming about stuff before hand.

I am also wondering if Dani's mark taking will work if she is of a different station than was intended -- or if somehow this is a manoeuvering of sorts. What I mean is that if D'shel ran away and made sure that Dani would become mark bound to this high ranking woman in a particular way -- then isn't this in someway an 'arranged' marriage? Isn't the mark taking they do the same as the marriage marks? I forget. But, if it is, and if Dani knows any of that then it must weigh heavy on her heart. Especially if she loves Tara.

I came to this wild speculation because I think that there has to be something standing in the way of the true love confession -- I have thought, up until this point that it was only the whole status thing (which, I am sure it is, partly), but now I have an inkling of a suspicion that it may be more than that... and I suspect Dani may know more about that than Tara does.

Great update Debra! I am hanging on your every word and desperately awaiting the next installment!

db

[Thianne]

don't have time, but damn girlie, you're good. more please

[watty]

Hey, thanks for sending me the file. Most of my internet access came back last night (just before Survivor started incidentally) (merge episode, and you're right, probably the best Survivor ever) (Parvati: "smart = sexy" *swoon* heehee) albeit still slow, but better than nothing. Now I know how much work you put into this update and it totally, completely works. Left me with more questions and uncertainties than answers but in a good way.

I think some readers (part of me included) as well as Tara may have expected sex. Or at least some form of intimacy. Initially I thought the journey may be longer, so the marked pair has more time as equals but thinking about it from a general point of view, the estate can't afford to have marked pairs going off on long weekends all the time. If they are to set out expectations and talk, then one night is enough for most. I know I'm being bad but I'm on the verge of rolling my eyes at Tara when she starts describing how, for instance,

I actually found it uncomfortable when Dani addressed me as Lady Maclay.

She hasn't got it by now, that Dani is a stickler for her training and formalities? Fact: she is Lady Maclay. Fact: Dani is her servant. Fact: servants address their masters by their title. What is Dani supposed to call her? Dani knows exactly what is expected, but sometimes I feel Tara doesn't. Her training either wasn't as explicit as Dani's or Dani is alluding that she knows more about ... everything ... than she actually does. No, I don't think so, I think Dani is smart and understands things that are unspoken/implied whereas Tara doesn't need that skill in her 'job'.

Dani, as always, seems to be the more mature party in this relationship, or at least the one who has an idea what is going on between them.

Dani knew I was flirting and laughed at the obviousness of my attempt. She stood up and brushed off her britches with her hands then leaned over and kissed the tip of my nose. “Or you could just ask me to ride with you.”

In a way, it seems that she is the one calling the shots on the romantic part of their relationship. There's a lot of kissing of noses and foreheads but they never get to where, deep down, surely they want? They're practically drooling at each other's bodies! And I think it's Dani keeping her distance. Tara seems content to wait and be passive in this, which frustrates me as I think they missed the best (and may be last) opportunity to talk about their feelings.

Nice that you throw in some foreshadowing. I like the speculation about Dani's and D'Shel's heritage. If magic is only available to those with noble DNA, then they must have noble DNA. QED. I'm sure you'll reveal this to us in a much less scientific and clinical way. Oh, and

“Faith told me that is called a Willow tree.”

Knowing what we know, I'm not sure it's a coincidence or not. But you're not telling yet, right? Like I said, more answers than questions and leaves us readers hankering for more, and soon please.

Top class, my friend. Top class.
[br]

[badkitty]

Debra:

Just checking in to let you know that I'm still hanging on every word. I know I don't leave feedback very often, and I've never been very good at "I love this line" or other feedbacky sort of stuff like that. I'm simply utterly captivated with your story. Now, I have to go read it again.

Waiting ever so impatiently for an update,
-bk (gail)

[Miss. Darkmoon]

wow...... and garg. Amazing update... really confusing though... I wonder what Dani's not saying.... the part where Tara told her she loved her and Dani just said: "Of course", and such really bugged me, and in agreement with the other readers, it really sucks that they didn't talk about their feelings then.... Nothing more constructive to add except for more 'WOW" as I just woke up, so...

~Miss. Darkmoon

[barnabasvamp]

Wow
Unbelievably mesmerizing story!

The bond is so strong, yet so terribly fragile. Amazing....More soon please.

BV

[The Rose24]

I love how their bond grows stronger everyday, but they seem to be avoiding talking about previous events.

[grimlock72]

Hmm... they didn't really use that trip for much did they? They both had a fun time, but truly communicating.. not so much. Dani is pretty much entranced in her formal/role castle, with exception of the kisses.. weird thing that. Is it normal that a servant kisses her mistress? Dani appears to view bonding as an elevation of their love somehow (I view it as voluntary imprisonment) ? Yet she is aware of the controlling effects of such a bonding (which aren't conducive to true love).

Very puzzling.

About Tara, it mostly worries me that she didn't bring up her herb-plan to Dani before the marking ceremony. Granted, the ceremony hasn't begun yet, but the trip would have been a very good opportunity for it. Offering the herbs after the fact or (heaven forbid) somehow slipping them to Dani without her knowing wouldn't be good. Dani is lacking in self-confidence already, Tara ought to work on that. Ah.. I just realised what I was looking for; Tara ought to let Dani choose if she wants to take those herbs, thats what I'm missing in Tara's thoughts... she doesn't consider the possibility that Dani might for whatever reason not WANT those herbs.

Dani says she has been trained for all this, but something tells me she has merely been trained in the actions. I sincerely hope someone has prepared her for the reactions but it doesn't sound like it. Could be that *I* don't view bonding in this world as a good thing due to the in-build inequality (there appears to be little difference between master<->servant bonding and wedding-bonding). Obviously Dani has been told the good points about bonding, probably by servants who honestly believe in them.

I did think about Dani's bonding getting into trouble due to her magic, but I don't think her mother would be foolish enough to set it up then. Unless such a thing has never occurred before in which case we don't know what to expect (violent rejection?). Sure would involve a lot of angst. Those visitors from up north might be enough angst however (if it's such a distance how did D'Shel ever travel it alone?). Surely Tara's dad will know more of that story, but he's to discreet to tell (until it's too late obviously;-).

I'm very weary of the bonding also because it's more or less permanent. I simply don't have the feeling both girls know what's coming and thus what they're committing to. Makes me worry... as is normal for me Ok, on re-reading chapter1 again I think we can determine that bonding might be permanent but not always that binding. Otherwise Tara wouldn't be waiting would she??

Hmm... just re-read the beginning of this story again and I wondered; Who (in story) thought up the name Dani? (or more to the point; why isn't she named 'Willow' ?? D'Willow doesn't read great, I'll grant you that much.

The Willow trees were a nice touch by the way. I almost expected them (or Tara at least) to sleep under them, heh. Even though I didn't expect anything of a sexual nature to happen during their trip it was their last chance to do such a thing without magic stuff getting in the way.

It's a choice I suppose, the bonding thing. I'm just not so sure it's the right one for them. We'll see....

Happy newyear btw!

P.S. Is it a coincedence I'm hearing Softcell's "Tainted Love" on the radio I wonder..

[Belli Bear]

(on a side note.. ow.. that poor guys forehead)

ahem.. THANKYOU for updating!! yaaaaay! wow.. okay that was quite the installment.

I loved the little insights you gave into Dani's (supposedly?) growing feelings for Tara; fleeting glances, soft blushes, its all so heart warming it almost makes me forget how much more there is to this story I also love that you leave each update on a somewhat ominous note; the beginning of a journey, the confusion of an incident. It makes it completely impossible for me to actually be satisfied with the chapter in the absolute best of ways of course!

I think when Dani finally recieves her marks the story will take a large turn though and we'll finally get to find out a little about what's been going through her mind through all this.

In any case! A brilliant addition to an equally brilliant tale please continue!

*plays the waiting game again*

-bell

[JustSkipIt]

Anne – Hello there. I can understand wanting to go and think about this one for a little while. I think you are right that in a lot of ways the girls are not in the same place. I think Tara is quite a bit more innocent than Dani in many ways and that is somewhat a product of her tunnel vision. That being, her attention is focused on her position, her training, and Dani. I don’t think that she really has any grasp on her feelings for Dani or at least how they may go against 1. her station and 2. society. In my head I humorously see her as a noble caveman: “You mine. Me love. You, come!” To large extent, she just doesn’t understand anything from Dani’s pov or understand how her position is different from Dani’s.

There is undoubtedly love between them, but it seems that neither of them realises, understands or accepts the nature of it.

I think that that assumption as it relates to Dani is probably incorrect but at this point, Tara is not a terribly reliable narrator in describing Dani’s feelings (nor is she likely to become more reliable). I will also confess that I have no plans whatsoever to provide direct insight into Dani’s mind at this point. It is possible that I will utilize a different narration pattern for the sequel but this one will continue with Tara’s narration.

Dani's behaviour makes me wonder - incredulously - if she believes that Tara has no recollection of her actions that night.

Ahhh. This is really the first response I recall which points this out so clearly. Why does Dani act like she does? Why is she not more direct with Tara? How direct would you be? I think that her behavior is quite confusing until you really start to try and get inside her head. She is a servant. Tara’s servant (in less than 24 hours). She has few rights and is truly a possession and has been raised with this knowledge every day of her life. And (it’s safe to assume, is it not?), she is in love with her mistress. What else could she do? Can she confess her love? Can she take greater initiative? Perhaps she sees her actions on the night of Tara’s marking as not only a way of assuaging Tara’s pain but also of sending the signal of her love. Perhaps that was her putting the ball into Tara’s court (so to say). Dani has little power other than the power to give up her power. Does that make any sense?

Anyway, I’m thrilled that you are so intrigued with the story. Thank you.

highlandlass25 – Thank you so much. I’m glad that it worked well for you.

This is an incredibly evocative update, but it leaves so many things left unsaid or unresolved that I almost dread the next update.

Oh, not me. I love it. Tee hee…

You’re quite right about the uneasy road leading to the happy ending. And I certainly think that your observation about the opportunity the girls have missed in discussing their relationship coming back to haunt them is a very good one.

Above all else, the fact that Dani is unable to see that Tara truly loves her breaks my heart for the girl.

I’m not sure that I agree with you but I can understand that interpretation

And yet they would still be caught by their societal roles.

Which would probably still be the salient point…

Thank you.

JujuDeRoussie – Hello to you! I absolutely agree that the journey is a good idea but that it isn’t really taken advantage of by the girls. They could have used the journey to discuss more than they did.

They don't know the story yet... But I guess they'll learn it soon...

Ahhh. Sorry to throw out the red herring. D’Shel’s story will not be revealed in this particular tale. I am weighing and thinking and planning the sequel and if there is a sequel (IF!!!!), that is where that information will be revealed. Sorry to get hopes up.

and now I have one more hypothesis about what happened, and why Tara is waiting her girl.

Ooo. I’d love to hear it.

Thank so much.

Then I'll know my new level since I read fics ^^

I think it would be very good. As I said, I have tremendous respect for your being to read and write in English. Wow and also wow.

Dianneswillowtree – Thank you so much. I love the story also and am glad that you are enjoying it. Yes, I believe that Dani knows all about the meaning of the bond and surely she wishes that Tara could love her freely but she knows/believes that it is not possible. And lack of communication is a huge barrier for them.

Thanks.

stenen – Hello and welcome to the board and the story. There used to be a wave icon and I actually knew the easycode (or whatever it’s called) but I don’t think there is anymore so I just say welcome.

Thanks so much and I expect to update in the next week or so. After that it will be a little longer as I have the next update written but not one after that.

db – Sorry to hear you missed the update. I posted in the update thread but there was another story update very very shortly after mine so I was no longer up there. Looks like you caught up though…

I 100% agree with you that they are flirting and that their attraction is strikingly obvious. But on the other hand, they left everything so unsaid that they are perhaps no better off than before the journey.

They both seem uncertain of the others' intentions –

I’m not sure. I think they’re not sure what they should do but I think that they’re in that sort of adolescent “does she like me?” “what do I do now…” kind of thing which is totally exacerbated by their position(s).

I am afraid that angst is forthcoming.

I think that’s a given at this point…

I am going to go ahead and speculate myself (hey, Tara's doing it!). I think Tara's right, that Dani and D'shel are of noble heritage. I wonder if D'shel was running away from something, or if she *knows* something... like there was some sort of special future awaiting her daughter in this place? I don't know, but the foreshadowing with the Willow trees and this upcoming party bringing nobility from all reaches of the country spells some sort of enlightenment, and, quite possibly, most probably, I am speculating wildly. that something regarding Dani is going to be revealed.

I love speculation and especially wild speculation as well as the next person. Now I’ll squash a bit of it. 1. D’Shel’s story (and thus Dani’s) will only be disclosed at length in the sequel (which is only a possibility rather than a promise at this point). 2. The Willow trees are totally unrelated to Dani’s story. Muddied that up a bit didn’t I?

I am also wondering if Dani's mark taking will work if she is of a different station than was intended -- or if somehow this is a manoeuvering of sorts.

An excellent question and we’ll find out more about that in the next few updates.

then isn't this in someway an 'arranged' marriage? Isn't the mark taking they do the same as the marriage marks? I forget.

I’m going to assume that you’re asking a technical question rather than an emotional one (how do the marks work? Rather than is the commitment equal for mark-binding and marriage pairs?). So I’ll give a technical answer (and quite a long one it seems).

There are basically four types of marks and marking ceremonies.

1. Nobility marks such as those Tara accepted a few updates ago give the noble man or woman his/her official station and status. They also bestow certain magical qualities (such as the aforementioned power over those who are bound at a lower status in sexual situations or power over one’s own bound servant). The elaboration (design) of that mark depends on the noble person’s status. Thus, Tara’s mark is the most elaborate in her family due to the status of both her father and her mother and the fact that she is a magical practitioner and a (4th?) generation one at that (sorry, I don’t have the time to go back and confirm her level).

1A. A noble can ascend to a higher level through marriage or the death of someone higher up the ladder. If the person is already marked and ascending because the Lord or Lady has died (or she is married to the new Lord), that marking is relatively easy as it just adds a “finger” (or more) to the existing mark

2. The marks given to a mark-bound personal servant are identical in every way to the marks of his master. The only difference in appearance is the location (noble woman: right hand, noble man: left hand, servants right hip). That mark magically binds the servant to her master and vice versa.

2B The marks given to a house-bound servant (such as D’Shel) are less elaborate by far than the personal marks. Basically, these consist of an Estate crest placed on the hip. The image of the fingertips are created also to give the servant some station within the house. D’Shel is a 4-rd mark bound servant of the house. However, she would still be subservient to an equally marked (or lesser marked) personal servant because the personal servant’s authority is an extension of his master. (In other words, D’Shel could be given instructions by Anne or Faith’s servants once they have been bound). It is possible for a house-bound servant to be promoted through the adding of more fingers to the mark and house-bound servants adhere to the same magical sexual submission which is inherent in the magic. It is also possible, for a house-bound servant to eventually become a mark-bound personal servant.

2C If a mark-bound personal servant outlives his master, different houses manage that situation differently. If the house retains the servant (which may mean that the servant chooses to stay or that the house does not release him/her), the servant becomes a servant of the house (basically bound to the ranking Lord or Lady informally) but retains his stature. So D’rs is a 5-mark servant of the house of Maclay even though Tara’s grandmother died. With the exception of Tara’s father’s servant (D’rek) and soon D’ni, she is the ranking servant. You can assume that unless in a situation of life or death, neither D’rek nor D’ni would think to command or disagree with D’rs out of respect although they are technically dominant over her position.

3. Marriage marks. . The marriage marks are basically a blending of the two designs of the two families. This process is much more simple than the original marking even if it includes the adding of another mark (in Melanie’s case, she went from three marks to four when she married Tara’s father).

3A. Servant marks for changes to the master. Any change to a master/mistress’ marks are duplicated on his/her mark-bound servant. So Delam received a duplication of Melanie’s new marks (including the 4th finger) when Melanie married David.

4. Freed servant marks. These are very rare. Most frequently they are employed in the case of 2C above. The magic of the ceremony severs the bond. The freed servant mark is very simple – basically the letter of the servant’s name on that servant’s hand (opposite the hand that would hold the noble mark). Even though the marks on the hip never go away, the freed servant bond absolutely overrides the servant bond although generally the station of the ex-servant is to be respected always.

Whew. Well, I think I’ve now run roughshod (wow, Word agrees with the spelling and existence of that word???) over your entire feedback at this point. Hopefully, I did your question justice.

there has to be something standing in the way of the true love confession

I would say quite a few things including their both being women and their respective stations.

Thank you so very much.

Vale – Thanks so much. Grin right back.

watty – Happy dance, happy dance: Watty has KB access again!!!

(Parvati: "smart = sexy" *swoon* heehee) albeit still slow, but better than nothing.

Not for me. I didn’t really like her mostly because I see women like that as kind of doing themselves a disservice. I agree that she’s very smart and very athletic but when someone how has all that going for herself believes that she has to sell her body (metaphorically of course) to win the game, I kind of get turned off. You know? Anyway, you saw the merge episode? That was one of the best episodes of Survivor ever!!!!!!!!

Now I know how much work you put into this update and it totally, completely works. Left me with more questions and uncertainties than answers but in a good way.

Thank you. You know how much I hate to rewrite so rewriting the entire thing was a real pain but I think/hope it worked out.

I think some readers (part of me included) as well as Tara may have expected sex. Or at least some form of intimacy. Initially I thought the journey may be longer, so the marked pair has more time as equals but thinking about it from a general point of view, the estate can't afford to have marked pairs going off on long weekends all the time.

Excellent thoughts and instinct. I will say that one difference in the rewrite is that originally the journey was two days long rather than one.

Oh yeah. I totally get the eye rolling at Tara. No, Tara in a lot of ways just doesn’t get it (still) about Dani being her servant. She wants to have Dani be her friend and companion and in a way her possession but she still doesn’t really grasp what Dani’s role is.

Dani knows exactly what is expected, but sometimes I feel Tara doesn't.

Do I say “here, here” or “hear, hear”? Either way I agree with that statement wholeheartedly.

I think Dani is smart and understands things that are unspoken/implied whereas Tara doesn't need that skill in her 'job'.

I think that’s part of it but I also think that Tara has had different training on interpersonal and social skills/control. Tara could negotiate with other nobles over a land dispute or grazing rights but understanding the interactions between a group of servants? Probably not. I guess it’s a little like how political officials don’t even know how to buy groceries.

In a way, it seems that she is the one calling the shots on the romantic part of their relationship.

I totally agree with you there. Tara’s kind of sitting there waiting for Dani to take charge and tell her what is ok. If Dani took any initiative (or any more because really what is a more clear signal than what she did following Tara’s marks?), Tara would jump in with both feet. But Tara’s stuck on all this pretence of station and what to do and what does Dani want.

… which frustrates me as I think they missed the best (and may be last) opportunity to talk about their feelings.

Mmm.

Yes to noble DNA, yes to Willow tree. Thanks so much.

badkitty – Hey there. Thanks for the feedback of any type. I love the notes! Thanks so much.

Also: ]

Now that my house has burned to the ground, I have an unobstructed view of the rising moon - Old Zen Saying

That’s beautiful!

Miss. Darkmoon – Thanks so much. Confusing? I guess so a little bit. I believe there is a ton that Dani’s not saying and “I love you” would certainly be tops on the list. I agree with all of you that the girls really missed an opportunity.

Thanks.

barnabasvamp – Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten feedback from you before. I didn’t even know if you were still active on the board so I’m pretty excited. Thanks so much for your feedback.

The Rose24 –

I love how their bond grows stronger everyday, but they seem to be avoiding talking about previous events.

The sarcastic voice in my head shouts back “ya think?!!!” I mean it’s been two weeks and they haven’t discussed what happened? That’s a little crazy but maybe not entirely. I’ve known women who were both “straight” and slept together for months or even years without ever mentioning it in the daytime. You know? But it’s frustrating to read, I’m sure.

Grimmy – No joke there about wasting their time on the trip. They could have really had some great conversation (or something) but they didn’t. I wouldn’t think that the kisses are normal, no.

Dani appears to view bonding as an elevation of their love somehow (I view it as voluntary imprisonment) ? Yet she is aware of the controlling effects of such a bonding (which aren't conducive to true love).

I think she views it as the foregone conclusion and she doesn’t allow herself to have another thought or feeling about it.

About Tara, it mostly worries me that she didn't bring up her herb-plan to Dani before the marking ceremony. Granted, the ceremony hasn't begun yet, but the trip would have been a very good opportunity for it. Offering the herbs after the fact or (heaven forbid) somehow slipping them to Dani without her knowing wouldn't be good.

Oh man, do I agree with you there. She should have told Dani what she planned and not only because it would make Dani think “gosh, that Tara really loves me so much.”

Tara ought to let Dani choose if she wants to take those herbs, thats what I'm missing in Tara's thoughts... she doesn't consider the possibility that Dani might for whatever reason not WANT those herbs.

Yes, yes, yes!

I think that your questioning of what Dani has been trained for an how she views the bonding are all good questions. But you have to keep in mind that Dani has not just been trained for this her entire life (and before) but she has been, as we would think of it, completely brainwashed. For her, serving Tara is the best life she can imagine there is. Her own mother signed her into it considering it the best possible future for her child.

Those visitors from up north might be enough angst however (if it's such a distance how did D'Shel ever travel it alone?).

Excellent question. I would say determination and desperation (a powerful combination).

I'm very weary of the bonding also because it's more or less permanent. I simply don't have the feeling both girls know what's coming and thus what they're committing to.

I think your worry is well placed although if you think of it, they were actually eligible (considered mature enough) a few years ago. Can you believe that?

Your questions regarding the bonding’s permanency and binding are both good ones. D’Shel named Dani.

The Willow trees were a nice touch by the way. I almost expected them (or Tara at least) to sleep under them, heh.

Ha ha. Since they were in the water, that might have proven dangerous. Ha ha.

Thank you so much for your fantastic feedback.

BelliBear – Hey there. You are so very welcome and I hope to update again very soon.

I loved the little insights you gave into Dani's (supposedly?) growing feelings for Tara; fleeting glances, soft blushes

Thanks. Pretty cute, huh?

I also love that you leave each update on a somewhat ominous note; the beginning of a journey, the confusion of an incident. It makes it completely impossible for me to actually be satisfied with the chapter laugh in the absolute best of ways of course!

Interesting that you note that. I actually toned down (lightened up) the tone of this particular update significantly because I didn’t’ want to have too much of that Tara being morose tone at the end of each update. You know? I want to keep reminding the reader that Tara is sitting there in the dark but not pound you over the head. Does that make sense? I’ll have to reread again.

I’d say your guesses about what will happen when Dani gets her marks – as far as the story changing – are pretty on target. Thanks so much.


PS: Wow, that's about 3500 words of replies including quotes. That's a lot...

[JujuDeRoussie]

Quote:
and now I have one more hypothesis about what happened, and why Tara is waiting her girl.

Ooo. I’d love to hear it.

Errr... I thought it would have something about D'shel's story and the North and Dani... you know? But it seems I was wrong.

I'm waiting the next update with patience :-)

Thanks

Julia

[sacinema]

I’m glad your finger is better now. My best wishes to you. May it not bother you any longer. For a writer getting any injury having to do something with the hands really is a tragedy. You must have hated not being able to write like you were before. My thoughts so were with you.

Again this is written beautifully. I so love this fic like all your others. In this update I really hoped Tara would be more confident about asking the questions bothering her. It makes me slightly uncomfortable that they didn’t talk about what happened and what is going to happen. They are both considering things about one another, they both have feelings they don’t dare to share. Holding back never is a good start for a deep relationship. Maybe Tara will grow to more confidence with her ongoing duties as Lady of the estate. But this unique chance is already gone and don't come back.

And Dani? I’m so not getting through to what she is thinking and feeling. Sure she deeply loves Tara. So far I’m convinced about this. But she also holds back. Maybe it's just my inability to picture a society in which some people as servants have rights only equal to slaves. But Dani has proven more than once she is capable of not playing under the rules. Or it just might be her hesitation about the possibility of being forced to fullfil some mans mark rights. There remains the constant fear (and sure my human senses tell me the hope) she might come to her senses some day and leave because she becomes aware of her situation as nearly being a slave. Although I hope this will not happen. Maybe Tara’s waiting for Dani has a more natural reason after sharing a long happy life together. Who knows? You do. And I’m really confident about you sharing it with us some day. But you already promised us a lot of angst and fear.

There will be no revelation about D'Shels and Danis heritage. Only if there will be a sequel. Which you didn't promise. Please think about that.

The celebration party – wow – this is going to be a big one. Hopefully Tara will not meet a future maybe husband at the party. I’m not sure what you wrote about Tara being forced to marry if someone suitable courts her and her father thinks it to be a good idea.

Thanks again for sharing with us and for the constant updating. You even thought about us during your injuries. I hope you had a peaceful holiday with your family and a good start into the new year. My best regards to Rachel and Asher of course.

[JustSkipIt]

JujuDeRoussie – Ha ha. So no guesses to pose then? Ok.

sacinema – Thanks for your wishes on my finger. This morning I was doing my exercises and my son asked me what sign I was making. I had to tell him that I was making an X and then an S. Ha ha. You are right though. It was very frustrating to have this great idea for a story and not be physically able to write it.

Thank you for the compliments on the writing.

In this update I really hoped Tara would be more confident about asking the questions bothering her. It makes me slightly uncomfortable that they didn’t talk about what happened and what is going to happen.

I absolutely agree with you. It’s quite troubling that they didn’t take that opportunity to discuss their feelings and their relationship. On the other hand, I can kind of understand that they’re both in a simply impossible position.

And Dani? I’m so not getting through to what she is thinking and feeling.

I think that’s because your narrator doesn’t understand what Dani is thinking and feeling either. And you’re seeing it all through Tara’s eyes and heart so you don’t know what Dani is feeling. Does that make sense? I agree that Dani holds back but I’m not sure that she has a real choice: she’s in love with someone who even if you don’t consider that Tara basically “owns” Dani, is her far superior in status.

she might come to her senses some day and leave because she becomes aware of her situation as nearly being a slave.

Just to remind: she can only do this up until the binding. Once she is bound, she can never voluntarily leave Tara.

And I’m really confident about you sharing it with us some day. But you already promised us a lot of angst and fear.

Yes and yes again. I am certainly thinking about the sequel.

The celebration party – wow – this is going to be a big one. Hopefully Tara will not meet a future maybe husband at the party.

I believe you are the first reader to point out this very very real possibility. A party like this is a huge production and will attract people of much higher social stature than a more minor party. It is probably the best chance the Maclay heirs have of meeting appropriate mates.

Thanks again for sharing with us and for the constant updating. You even thought about us during your injuries. I hope you had a peaceful holiday with your family and a good start into the new year. My best regards to Rachel and Asher of course.

Thank you. Speaking of Asher I told him that he could type a note here for a minute because he loves typing on the computer and he erased your entire last paragraph. Argggh. He will be 3 in 2 weeks! I can’t believe it. Thanks for your well wishes and mine to you and yours.

[Thianne]

i thought it was an update....but hey! dibs on the second replies to feedback! aaahhhh....did ya miss me? LOL

[JustSkipIt]

Vale – Ok. Now it is…

[center][/center]


Story Title – Waiting for Dani

Chapter – 7a – Dani’s Marks (Part I)

Author – JustSkipIt

Pairing – T/W

Feedback – Yes, please

Spoilers – None

Rating – PG

Disclaimer – Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own Willow and Tara and the Buffyverse. I’m not saying this universe is totally original but I didn’t steal it from any author or creator that I know of. No copyright infringement is meant by this fic and I will not make any money from it.

Note – To the reader, possibly Vale, who did not like the apostrophes, sorry for this chapter. Inherent in the formality of this chapter is a great deal of formal speech and address and that means apostrophes. Sorry.

Note – This update is ready and I am feeling very good about it. But I can’t promise another in a week’s time. The next may be a longer wait. Don’t say I didn’t warn you…


We dressed, checked the position of the sun, and walked to the marking tent. Waiting for us outside the tent were T’dre, D’Shel, D’rs, and D’rek. T’dre would be artisting the marks and D’rs and D’rek were present because they held five marks each. D’Shel, while she only held 3 marks, was present to “give” Dani to me. It was a formality not all houses observed but the Maclays always wanted the parents or parent of the servant accepting a mark present for the ceremony if possible. T’dre welcomed us and took our hands to offer a prayer to The Creator. Then she released Dani’s hand and T’dre and I entered the tent to wait.

Once inside, I handed T’dre a solid gold coin, the same as my father had done for my marking. She tucked the coin away as I’d seen her do many times now. This was not her entire payment; it was more of a token to bind her and myself to the art and magic she was about to perform. We waited a few moments and then Dani entered the tent. I could see that D’Shel held her left hand while D’rs and D’rek had their hands on her shoulder blades. Everyone in the tent bowed deeply to me as befit my station of Lady T’ra Maclay. I extended my mark and nodded my head to accept their devotion.

Holding my marked hand in hers, T’dre stepped up to Dani and joined our hands, mark to palm. I knew what was coming, having been to and assisted in tens of markings but I still had no idea the intensity of the event. I wanted this more than anything, to take Dani as my servant, and at the same time wanted to always be worthy of my girl. “Who gives this woman, Dani, swearing support for her skill and worth as marked servants of this house?”

D’rs and D’rek answered in unison, taking their hands from Dani’s back as they finished speaking. “We do.”

“D’Shel of the Maclay Estate, do you give this woman, Dani, to become D’ni—mark bound servant of Lady T’ra Maclay?”

I could hardly breathe as I waited for D’Shel’s answer. These might just be the most crucial few minutes of my life. It was unusual but not unheard of for a parent to revoke their grant even this late just as it was possible, although I prayed not, that Dani could refuse the bonding. I only expelled my breath when I heard D’Shel’s answer. “I, D’Shel of the Maclay Estate, give this, my only daughter Dani, to become D’ni—mark bound servant of Lady T’ra Maclay.” As she finished speaking she released Dani’s hand. She turned and kissed Dani on each cheek before D’rs and D’rek bowed to me and then led her from the tent.

T’dre smiled at the two of us. Dani had tears in her eyes as did I. T’dre looked back and forth between us and squeezed our hands in hers, attempting to comfort us. Part of the artist’s responsibility was to guide the bound pair through the process.

T’dre took a deep breath before intoning. “Creator. We stand before you ready to bind this woman D’ni to her Lady T’ra Maclay. We humbly ask your blessing that my art be as strong and pure as their connection, that the magic bind, protect, and guide them for all time.” She waited a few seconds before addressing us. “Lady T’ra Maclay. Do you invite and accept this servant to be bound to you as long as you both shall live?”

“I do.”

“And do you vow the protection and devotion of your Estate, your Ladyship, your marks, and your very being upon this servant, now and forever?”

I could feel tears running down my face but I smiled nonetheless. “I do.” I had never seen Tadre do this in another binding but she gently lifted my free hand to her mouth and placed a kiss on the back.

“Dani, daughter of D’Shel of the Estate of Maclay, do you freely choose to become the bound servant of Lady T’ra Maclay?”

I felt as if my heart would pound out of my chest. I wondered if the other two women could hear it beating against my rib bones. Surely Dani could feel it through our hands. Her voice sounded strangely far away in my straining ears. “I do.”

“And will you, choosing this binding, serve Lady T’ra Maclay with your every intention as long as you both shall live?”

“I do.”

Tadre lifted Dani’s free hand to her lips as she had done with mine and planted a similar kiss on my servant. She smiled at both of us. “Lady T’ra Maclay and Dani, you have vowed your commitment to this binding, freely choosing it and understanding what this binding represents. It is now my honor to commit this binding to The Creator. Thank you for your gift.” She indicated with her hands that we should sit and we did.

Artists had great latitude in their choice of position for the servant or noble man or woman receiving marks. While a noble man or woman could advise on this choice, most left it up to the artist and Tadre told me that she had never heard of a servant expressing a preference. In the binding of a female servant, T’dre’s preference was that the noblewoman should sit on the ground of the tent, her back and sides supported by a special chair or pillows with her servant between her legs. This allowed the servant to relax into her mistress’s arms and accept her comfort and stability. The position also forced the mistress to immediately assume a role of protection for her servant which would last throughout the years of their binding.

I took my seat and looked up to see Dani gazing at me. For a moment, I thought that she might kiss me but the instant passed and she turned to sit against me. “I’m going to bare your hip now,” I whispered in her ear and she nodded.

I wished so badly that the healer was present. I wanted him to apply the numbing herbs to Dani’s hip before T’dre could start her artistry not to mention wanting Dani to take an oral dose of the herbs.

I did not feel apprehensive for myself in spite of the warning Tadre had given me during our lesson last week. After I believed we were done she had asked me to take a walk in the gardens. I found this strange but said yes without question. Once on the walk she asked me to sit and then explained that she wanted to warn me about Dani’s binding. While most people could not feel the anchors we put in our work, she and I had a very unique ability where marks were concerned. The ability to feel the connection in the marks was something that we shared and something that was unique to artists or potential artists. It also meant that as an artist, I would be able to feel the binding between each anchor placed in my mark and Dani’s as it was used—we called it “pulling through.” She said that the sensation would not near the pain of my marking but that it might be uncomfortable and certainly would be something of note. She had also indicated that my ability to feel the anchors could make the artistry even more intense for Dani.

T’dre cleaned the spot on Dani’s hip, prayed again that her art would be strong and pure, and began her artistry. I felt Dani tense when the hot needle first touched her skin and I tensed along with her but I held her and whispered in her ear and stroked her head and back and she relaxed after a minute or two. I tried to keep from looking at the needle going in and out of Dani’s tender skin but I could smell her flesh burning. Finally I decided that if she could withstand the feeling, I could at least look at T’dre’s work.

My first thought was how beautiful the artistry was but my next was that’s all she has done? A moment later I felt a very sharp pinch in my palm which shot up my arm and realized that she was binding the first anchor. It must have been painful for Dani also for my girl twitched in my arms. I tightened my grip and began whispering in her ear. “You’re doing wonderfully, my girl.” “That’s the way.” “Very good.”

Together we attempted to use controlled breathing to help Dani through the pain. I could tell that it was very intense both because of the depth of feeling I was having as each anchor was pulled through the binding but also because I could tell that Dani was losing her grip on her reality. I continued to stroke her and whisper to her but she no longer answered me unless I was very forceful with her. She began to hum lowly and I had to tilt my head to realize that she was intoning a spell to calm herself. T’dre’s eyes snapped open and she looked between Dani and I for a long moment, removing the needle from Dani’s skin. She made no comment but returned to her work after a half minute or so.

I could see that T’dre was over half-way done with the marking but I didn’t know how long we had been in the tent. Given how fast I knew T’dre usually worked on a binding, it could have been an hour to an hour and a half but then this binding was much more elaborate and complex than any I had ever witnessed. T’dre had confessed to me the week before that this was the most complex binding she had ever performed.

One stroke of her needle pulled three anchors through the binding and both Dani and I jerked back. As soon as I could let go of the sensation, I again began attempting to calm my girl who was obviously in intense pain. She wasn’t crying but I could tell how hard she was working to avoid it. I began to sing her a song both to comfort her and to attempt to lessen the pain. I smiled for a moment as I remembered that this was the same song I tried the day my father had given us the horses.

It seemed that the binding’s intensity was increasing for everyone in the tent and I didn’t notice at first the effect that the pain was having. The first time T’dre reached to dip her needle in ink and had to move the cup, I did not notice but I soon realized that she was having trouble as the cups were hovering just inches off the floor of the tent. Then a pillow rose slightly and crashed back down. T’dre set down her needle and closed her eyes. I could tell that she was praying and closed my eyes to join her. When she opened her eyes again, she didn’t pick up the needle but reached out and placed her hands on the backs of mine. Since my arms were wrapped around my girl, she was also holding Dani.

She looked at me very intently before speaking. “Lady T’ra. You must control your magic.” I realized that her hands were now stroking the skin on Dani’s arms and recognized the spell she was trying to cast to lessen the pain for my girl. Her words were pointed as she emphasized what I needed to do. It was obvious to everyone in the tent that she knew I was not floating the cups. We had worked and studied together for years and she knew every scent, every heartbeat of my magic. She moved one hand to stroke Dani’s face. “Dani, can you look at me?”

Dani looked up at T’dre and attempted to smile.

“Ok. You are through the biggest part of the binding and you’re doing great.” Dani nodded and T’dre continued. “Your Lady is having trouble controlling her magic.” Dani took a deep breath. “You must help her. Do you understand?”

Dani’s voice was weak as she slowly choked out her answer. “I will do my best, Miss T’dre.”

I tightened my grip on my girl and repeated to T’dre that I would work to control myself. I felt a fear deep in the pit of my stomach that our secret was out. I trusted T’dre more than anyone not of my immediate family, yet the fact that she knew of Dani’s power filled me with a terror I could not control.

“I will begin again.”

And then she was pressing that needle into Dani’s skin again. Both Dani and I were humming with the intensity of it as I attempted to cast a strong enough spell to bring her through the binding. Her body shook and sweat poured from her forehead which I tried to wipe with a soft cloth. I hummed my spell and placed soft kisses on her neck and continued telling her that she was doing so wonderfully but seeing her in this much pain made me feel like my heart would break for her. In spite of the pain, she did wonderfully at controlling her magic. Not another cup lifted from the floor. Apparently, T’dre’s clear warning was enough to scare Dani into control. Either that or she simply didn’t have the energy and strength any longer to invoke a spell, even unintentionally.

I could feel that T’dre was finishing up the binding and I looked to see that I was, in fact, correct. She had pulled through all the anchors and was just adding some detail and edging to the pattern. She asked me to put my palm right next to Dani’s mark so that she could ensure it was exact and then asked me to also check it. I had never heard her do such a thing but then she didn’t usually perform markings on her apprentice. I looked and then looked again as it was surely a test and sure enough, she had left off two tzardses, what might look like a small curlicue to the average person near the bottom. I pointed them out and she smiled and added them.

After she set down her instruments, T’dre took our hands in hers and said a blessing to The Creator that her artistry would be worthy of our bond. She opened her eyes and we did too and she offered me a carafe of water and cup from which I drank before offering it to D’ni. My girl was somewhat out of it and I could tell that she was in a great deal of pain but she accepted the water with my holding the cup in one hand and her chin in the other. Even so, she shook so that most of the sip dripped down her chin. Then T’dre stepped outside the tent and spoke to her servant quickly.

We rested until D’rek returned. He bowed to me and asked if we would like assistance to get to my rooms. It was fortunate that we had a male servant of equal rank to D’ni at the estate or we would have had to manage her transport on our own. I thanked him and he spoke very gently to Dani telling her that he was going to pick her up now. He held her easily as her weight was not great although it was great enough to have posed a challenge if the two of us had needed to move her. T’dre stepped outside the tent, followed by myself, and then D’rek. We saw no one outside the tent and a quick look at the sun told me that the artistry had taken about three and a half hours. I didn’t stop to investigate it though; I wanted to get my girl into my rooms where I could care for her as quickly as possible. I led D’rek through the kitchens and down the hall to my rooms, noting that there seemed to be no one in the house. I knew that T’dre’s servant had come to the house to tell everyone to leave as soon as she had fetched D’rek. Neither noble nor serving person could see Dani until her mark was shown the next morning, excepting myself, T’dre, T’dre’s servant, and D’rek of course.

He laid her on the bed and bowed to all three of us before leaving the room. Tadre repeated that she would see us in the morning and gave me a very informal and non-traditional kiss on the forehead. Before leaving the room she apparently considered it and then turned back toward the bed to place a similar kiss on Dani’s head. She whispered a message to my girl and then left my rooms.

The moment T’dre had left my rooms I rushed to my girl’s side. I sat very carefully on the bed and took Dani’s hand in my own, holding it to my breast and stroking the back of her hand. “How are you?”

She spoke through gritted teeth to say that she was fine, My Lady, which was an obvious and lame attempt to comfort me. I understood but I wanted to ease her pain, not ignore it. I placed my hand on her cheek to cup her face and looked into her eyes which watered with tears. Before I could say anything, her tears started. I held her like that for a long time before finally moving behind her to mimic the earlier posture as I held her sobbing form. When it seemed that she had moved through that bout of sadness and pain, I offered her a drink of water which she gladly accepted although she refused any of the meal which had been left for us in my outer rooms.

I could tell that she was tired but also that she was in pain badly enough that I doubted she could sleep. I reached my hand out to get the small vial of herbs and easily took it from behind the book on my bed table. “I have something to help the pain, darling.”

Dani shook her head as forcefully as she could muster. “No herbs for servants, My Lady.”

I held out the vial in front of her mouth and whispered as I stroked her hair with my other hand. “It’s ok, Dani. I got these special for you.” I continued stroking her hair. “Because you are so special.”

A wave of pain must have gripped for her because it was now obviously so much harder for her to speak. Her tears began to flow again as she gasped. “Please don’t make me. Please, My Lady.” It was as desperate plea as I’d ever heard and far more desperate than I ever hoped to hear.

I knew that she was afraid that I would doubt her for this weakness but I did not. I knew how devoted she was, how loving, for how could it be anything but?

I stroked her hair and lifted the vial near her lips. “It’s ok, My sweet. I don’t doubt your binding or commitment or devotion. This can’t make me doubt you. Please take this.”

My girl didn’t move her mouth any closer to the vial. Her difficulty in speaking again increased. “Pl-leas… no h-erbbbbbs. Weaken the b-b-bon…” she gave up speaking so hard was she crying.

“They won’t weaken the binding, my girl.” I still held the vial in front of her mouth but she had moved no closer to it, in fact locking her lips together in obvious pain.

It was no more than a whisper but I heard it nonetheless. “Please. Please. Please.” My girl was pleading with me, not to lessen her pain but to allow it to continue.

Every fiber of my being, my love for her, screamed that I should share the herbs with her and ease her torture but I couldn’t force her. I moved the vial away from her lips and capped it. Once my hand was free, I wrapped that arm around my girl’s shoulders and patted her. “It’s ok, Dani. It’s ok.” I could feel the tears on my face as I could do nothing to lessen her pain.

Yet, it seemed that her pain was lessening. She loosed her lips again and took a gasping breath before allowing her body to go limp in my arms. The last thing she said before losing consciousness was, “Thank you, My Lady. Thank you.”

I sat through that long night holding her in my arms, stroking her head and hair, whispering to her, patting her when she stirred. I did not get up and get the food we had been left in spite of my growling stomach nor use the necessary in spite of that eventual need. I could do nothing but hold and continue to hold my girl through this, the hardest and longest night of my life.

In spite of my exhaustion, I had trouble sleeping. But even given those long hours spent in the night with nothing but my feelings and thoughts, I did not understand what I’ve come to understand now.

My girl’s pain that night was not caused by her marks, or not entirely. She was pained by attempting to dissuade me from my intention. Melanie’s words come back to me: “Once your servant is mark-bonded to you, it would be literally impossible for her to leave you. To cross you. To fail you. Actually impossible.” To beg to be free of the herbs, D’ni was battling the bond. Had I pushed her farther, she would have taken the herbs or done anything else I demanded of her.

What else? Whatever else has she done only because she could not refuse me?

[Thianne]

DIBS! HA!

ETA:

To the reader, possibly Vale, who did not like the apostrophes, sorry for this chapter.

i was in the notes! woot! i feel so special! (and btw it's ok for the apostrophes)

Debra.....wow. it was such a special moment for them, and it was so loving the way tara comforted Dani.

but now her secret's out! T'dre knows about dani's magic....but still, i wonder why is this such a bad thing?

My girl didn’t move her mouth any closer to the vial. Her difficulty in speaking again increased. “Pl-leas… no h-erbbbbbs. Weaken the b-b-bon…” she gave up speaking so hard was she crying.

“They won’t weaken the binding, my girl.” I still held the vial in front of her mouth but she had moved no closer to it, in fact locking her lips together in obvious pain.

It was no more than a whisper but I heard it nonetheless. “Please. Please. Please.” My girl was pleading with me, not to lessen her pain but to allow it to continue.

wow. i loved this part. and also the fact that she was actually fighting the bond -- it's so interesting. and also the fact that she actually *wants* to suffer...to hurt....it's beautiful.

What else? Whatever else has she done only because she could not refuse me?

is she asking this knowing what she knows when she speaks? because, in that moment Dani had just took the marks, so whatever she did before, she did of her own free will, right?

anyway, wonderful update, as always. thank you Debra

[db]

SECOND DIBS!!

*runs off to read*

Oh jeez. Wow. That was intense.

First I want to talk about the actual ceremony... with the "i dos" and the pledging and how it felt like a marriage. Thier obvious devotion to each other was touching and beautiful.

It was palpable, how this connection and the intensity of it (and your writing) grew as the marks "pulled through" more and more...

and then there was Dani's magic and *wow*, Tadre handled it with such caring and, well, decorum. She obviously knows now, but she didn't 'out' them -- she trusted in thier bond... I think that maybe there is a lesson for them to learn in that, but *wow* it was intense.

Which brings me to Dani and her anguish both physical and emotional ...and now Tara is literally bound to care for her, but *again* she doesn't understanding the full implications of *everything*. She loves Dani, she loves her with all her heart, yet it never occurs to her to question the whys and wherefores of what she has been brought up to believe -- and now she *has* to! She has to because Dani is litterally at her mercy! If she doesn't get this *soon* she really will damage both their relationship and Dani and through it her own belief in the goodness of what they have and the world she lives in .

My girl’s pain that night was not caused by her marks, or not entirely. She was pained by attempting to dissuade me from my intention. Melanie’s words come back to me: “Once your servant is mark-bonded to you, it would be literally impossible for her to leave you. To cross you. To fail you. Actually impossible.” To beg to be free of the herbs, D’ni was battling the bond. Had I pushed her farther, she would have taken the herbs or done anything else I demanded of her.

What else? Whatever else has she done only because she could not refuse me?

This. This was huge for me to read. I mean, I knew it on some abstract level based on what you've said in the story before... but *wow*. It kind of made me want to throw up a little. How did the enormity of this sneak up on me? It seems impossible. How can Tara be in a romantic relationship, or really advocate for Dani or have equality in a relationship that is already so power imbalanced when she wields that kind of power over Dani?!!??

But I have hope because... because Tara is an extraordinary person, and somehow, someway Dani/Willow was able to resist the herbs even when she is enormous pain. That's a good sign, right?

Please tell me Tara can do it; that they can do it?

I'm worried and it's going to be a long time before I get any relief .

Excellent, thought provoking update Debra. This is a *great* story! It is powerful and engrossing ...and you have me completely emotionally involved . I can't wait to read more!!

db

[PancakesinBellies]

*is dead*

Wow. I am again caught off-guard by the sheer power of this story. My admiration for Dani (and for your writing) continues to grow, but I remain as adrift and unable to correctly assess the situation as Tara (for obvious reasons ). I have no frame of reference for the world you've created, and can make no speculations on what might happen in the future, but despite my worries for the rocky road the girls face I can't help but express my incredible admiration for the sheer brillance of this story. Kudos to you Debra. Despite my slight dread over what *might* happen, I look forward to the next update. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.

[The Rose24]

Phew! This is a painful read, but you feel the love and devotion they have for each other. I know this is a short reply, but there are no other words.

[Willowtree252]

Debra such devotion between both of our girls. The love is so deep. I thought Donnie would have told Tara what she needed to know about there first night together kinda like what Dani had done for her but it dident happen. so I will sit and let you lead on.

[JujuDeRoussie]

Wow... Great!!!

It was... just great. Intense too.

Dani was impressive... not accept the herbs even she has so much pain. I have to tell I was expecting the same way Dani used to comfort Tara with her marks...

In my "guesses series" (lol): There is a male servant with 5 marks [if I understand well... ], D'rek, could he be a reason in Tara's waiting?
This is a guess, but don't answer it's just you seem curious :-)
I think I like torture myself in guessing.

Anayway.. thanks for this so great update. I'm revising for exams, and this was a good way to relax!!!

Regards,

Julia

[barnabasvamp]

Debra, long time no talk to!

I have been around, but when the board moved and there were so many new kittens, I just kinda hung out and kept up with the writers I knew best. After saying that, I should admit I couldn't believe I missed your story here, but I have enjoyed catching up.

The emotions here are so strong, makes you stop and think about whether or not any of us could handle a commitment so intense and all consuming. Major issue here...... TRUST.

As always the bond between our girls is there, and I'm really curious to see where you're going.

BV

[TinyAnt]

Hello again! It's been a while. I think I read something about you hurting your fingers? I hope you're doing ok. I twisted my ankle janury 1st, and it's still a little swollen and hurts a bit, so I could say I literally feel your pain (only mine is a little lower) .

I'm really glad to see more of this story, it has become one of my favourites. It's got great and very consistent characterizations, and I think you introduce changes in the characters at a very believable pace. You know, zero light-switch effect. I thought Dani's refusal to take the herbs is a great example of this. I had thought she wouldn't accept them, and it really fit everything we had seen so far about her, and yet you also added another layer to it, showing how much it meant to her that she would even go against the magic of the marks.

And then, that great line at the end, when everything that was implict and subtext finally became text and acknowledged. I think this chapter moved the story forward to another stage, just like the lives of the girls within it moved into another level.

I'm really enjoy reading your story, thanks for writting and sharing it.


Ana.

[grimlock72]

Dani to a large extend does not NEED to be bonded in order to follow all sorts of servant-rules to the letter. That's how she was raised and how she is. The overall lack of true choice (and choices) for both noble and servants in this story is nagging me. I had to think about that when the pre-bonding questions where asked.

Since Tara is telling this story we know she truly wants to be bonded with Dani. There is really no way to ever know now if Dani truly wanted to or was just following traditions and behaved as was expected of her (she wants to be a good servant and good servants are bonded to a mistress.. do the math).

Or more to the point; what is 'freely' when you don't know of any other choice or option??

Two other questions I had were answered about three lines after I thought of them, so that's good As for why the Dani doing magic would be 'bad', we don't know. It's something that has never occured before I think based on how servants and noble are clearly seperated. Servant-bonding is clearly based on a power-imbalance, the servant in such a relation being a magic user could upset that.

I wonder how strong the 'my will be done' part of the bond will be once it's fully in place. Will Dani even be able to show/tell she doesn't want to do something Tara tells her? If not Tara will have to be awfully carefull with what she says.. even if Dani can protest to an extend Tara might still worry about that. She should. She's a bit late grasping to concept of this type of bonding.. nothing new there but it is dangerous given that she's in charge of Dani now. For some reason I get the idea Tara wasn't really prepared for that (she appears to view it more as a type of marriage with Dani doing her bidding because she likes Tara, which is so not how servant bonding works).

Dani refusing the herbs was pretty much as expected. I hadn't really thought of the bond being in place at the time already but it makes sense. It is worriesome that Tara didn't see that coming, given that Dani has far less ability to see 'no' now.. She does love Dani, but doesn't really understand her.

Assuming Tara spoke the truth about herbs not weakening the bond, why aren't servants given them? Surely the estate can afford to give them and they don't seem to enjoy torturing their servants so whats the reasoning there??

Besides, Dani will need some attention from the healer anyway. Skin has been puntured and lots of inkt has gone places, surely that needs to be disinfected? Giving Dani at the end of the ceremony wasn't very bright, small ice chips would have been better or something to wet her face/lips with. In her semi-consious state she could have shoked on it or coughed it back up with would be painfull. Something tells me Dani will be off-duty for a while. Heck, she probably can't even stand on that leg for a while... now that does bring back memories...

so whatever she did before, she did of her own free will, right?

Well.... that's debatable, we really won't know ever now that they're bonded. Saying she did something not of her free will is not a desired answer from a servant so I doubt Dani would say such a thing. Standing up for herself wasn't part of her servant education I think (partially 'cos bonding makes that impossible anyway).

Now we just have to wait until Tara realises that having a loving relationship with someone isn't compatible with that someone being bonded to you as a servant. Could take a while (aka 'angst ahead').

Btw. Debra how did ever think up this entire DebraVerse and the servant/mark/bonding thing?? Based on some of your replies clearly a LOT of thought went into this.

Enough commenting for today, gotta go sleep... don't worry about updating too much, just finish the story this year, ok ??

[JustSkipIt]

Vale – You must have been sitting by your computer. Either way, the dibs goes to you again. And yes, you were in the notes. I’m glad to hear that my memory was correct about who commented on the apostrophes.

I’m happy to hear that you felt that it was nice the way that Tara comforted Dani. I definitely want Tara to be a sympathetic character.

T'dre knows about dani's magic....but still, i wonder why is this such a bad thing?

I’m not saying that it’s necessarily a bad thing but Tara is definitely worried about it.

I am glad that you quoted the section you quoted and certainly I think that is one of the most important parts of this story so far. I do think it’s notable not only that Dani wants to take the pain if it makes the bond stronger but that she has to work so amazingly hard to resist Tara in the least.

I wrote:

What else? Whatever else has she done only because she could not refuse me?

Vale wrote:

is she asking this knowing what she knows when she speaks? because, in that moment Dani had just took the marks, so whatever she did before, she did of her own free will, right?

She is asking this question in the now of her sitting by the window. She is asking it of things that have transpired between the night of Dani’s marking and now. Does that make sense?

Thank you for the feedback.

db – Ha ha. Second Dibs. I can seem it now: third dibs, … thirteenth dibs…

with the "i dos" and the pledging and how it felt like a marriage. Thier obvious devotion to each other was touching and beautiful.

Yes, quite like a marriage and yet not quite like a marriage. I can easily imagine other pairs where the same questions and answers are a more businesslike transaction rather than a commitment like this one. You make an interesting observation how the connection is increasing as the marking is completed. I think you are correct that Tadre is the consummate artist and consummate profession and has no intention of “outing” them. I also think that in that instance, her job is/was to complete the marking and anything else would have violated her ability to do that to her greatest ability.

she doesn't understanding the full implications of *everything*.

Very very true. Tara knows that she loves Dani and I believe that as this point she is able to recognize that love for what it is: physical, romantic, sexual love but she has no idea what any of that means. She only knows that she loves Dani and wants to possess and protect her. Of course that’s relatively convenient given that she is now bound to do both but I think that her ability to do those in a way … well… let’s just say maybe her charge is not as easy as she thought it would be.

She loves Dani, she loves her with all her heart, yet it never occurs to her to question the whys and wherefores of what she has been brought up to believe -- and now she *has* to! She has to because Dani is litterally at her mercy! If she doesn't get this *soon* she really will damage both their relationship and Dani and through it her own belief in the goodness of what they have and the world she lives in

Very very well put. I believe that the next part of the story will begin to allow Tara to ask those questions and we will get the chance to see what she does when she starts to get answers that aren’t easy for her.

This. This was huge for me to read. I mean, I knew it on some abstract level based on what you've said in the story before... but *wow*. It kind of made me want to throw up a little. How did the enormity of this sneak up on me? It seems impossible. How can Tara be in a romantic relationship, or really advocate for Dani or have equality in a relationship that is already so power imbalanced when she wields that kind of power over Dani?!!??

First off, I don’t think anyone has ever said that something I wrote make them want to throw up (even a little). I’m going to take it as a compliment. I’m very very pleased with your reaction here (not just the throwing up). This segment of this story is absolutely crucial! In my MS Word version, the final line is accented in blue so that I can read and reread it and see if I want to write and rewrite it. I’m glad that it makes you upset to think of the power imbalance; it is absolute. Tara owns Dani completely to the point that Dani struggles to resist absolutely anything. It is a magical bond which seems to me to be much more powerful than threat of abuse or something like that. There is literally no way that Dani can resist Tara.

somehow, someway Dani/Willow was able to resist the herbs even when she is enormous pain. That's a good sign, right?

But you can see that it was a struggle, right? I know that you are worried and all I can say is that is well placed. All I can say is that this is the Kitten Board and know what those FAQs mean. But yes, angst is coming.

Excellent, thought provoking update Debra. This is a *great* story! It is powerful and engrossing ...and you have me completely emotionally involved aww. I can't wait to read more!!

Thank you so much. That’s exactly what I’m going for.

highlandlass25 – Thank you and thank you. Power is exactly what I was going for with this update so I am quite pleased to read your reaction.

I can understand your being unable to assess the situation any better than Tara. She is only a semi-reliable narrator at this point and I am using her as such. I could have made it easier by choosing a different narration style, letting you know what I know about what happens, or letting you know what Dani thinks/feels but I don’t. I keep you in the dark which works to my advantage and I hope to the advantage of the story itself. I very much appreciate the high praise on my writing and this story. Thank you.

The Rose24 – Hey there. The short reply is fine with me. Thanks for the thoughts.

Dianneswillowtree – Yes, both love and are devoted to the other.

I thought Donnie would have told Tara what she needed to know about there first night together kinda like what Dani had done for her but it dident happen.

Ahh. Nice thought but no such tradition. And that’s not to say that Dani’s actions were any type of tradition. Thanks.

JujuDeRoussie – Hello again. Thanks so much. I’m glad it was intense. That was my intention for sure. You and Dianne… both expected Tara to comfort Dani the same way. Interesting.

Re: male servant. I think you’re guessing that D’rek, having 5 marks, can have marks-rights with Dani? Not so. Marks-rights only go to the nobility. It would have to be a Lord to take marks-rights with Dani. Now, I’m not saying that the servants don’t have sex with each other. Of course they do and certainly a 5-mark servant while he has no power over another marked servant, would be seen as a catch or whatever term they would use. But D’rek will have no magical power over Dani. They are virtual equals (with minute social but unofficial differences in their power given that D’rek’s master is Tara’s father BUT Tara is a magic user).

Enjoy guessing…

Thanks and good luck on your exams.

barnabasvamp – Hey there. No worries.

The emotions here are so strong, makes you stop and think about whether or not any of us could handle a commitment so intense and all consuming. Major issue here...... TRUST.

Man is that an understatement. I mean we all feel committed to the things we are committed to: our partner, our children, getting a new job, or losing weight… but these girls are committed with all capital letters, you know? And for them they have the addition of the strength of their emotions to further complicate their relationship.

Thanks for your thoughts.

TinyAnt – Yes, a little while although these updates have been quick. Yes, I had sprained my right index finger and have now been rehabbing it. It’s been a much longer process than I thought it would be. Sorry about your Ankle. That can be a real pain (literally and figuratively).

I appreciate your thoughts about the characters. I hope that they are all consistent in the way they think and act. I have tried to do that.

I thought Dani's refusal to take the herbs is a great example of this. I had thought she wouldn't accept them, and it really fit everything we had seen so far about her, and yet you also added another layer to it, showing how much it meant to her that she would even go against the magic of the marks.

Good point. I agree that it’s totally and completely within Dani’s character to rebel against Tara’s offer of the herbs. I believe that it’s also equally within Tara’s (naïve) character to believe that Dani would take them basically because Tara said she could. Tara seems to continue to have little understanding of what Dani’s training has meant.

when everything that was implict and subtext finally became text and acknowledged. I think this chapter moved the story forward to another stage…

That’s a perfect way to describe the meaning of that line. Thank you for pointing it out so eloquently. And yes, this story has definitely gone over a major transition. The girls are now adults in the eyes of their society. For Tara this means a different set of responsibilities and a much more clear power. For Dani this means a totally different set of behavioral expectations (including but not limited to the marks-rights maturity) and also a much greater power to wield.

Thanks so much for your comments.

Grimlock72 – Have I mentioned how thrilled I am to see your feedback again? Yes. Well, repeat that…

I love your comments about choice and true choice for both nobles and servants. In a way, Tara is just as trapped (although in a better situation) as Dani but she has no idea of this. Dani, on the other hand, is quite aware of exactly what the nature of her trap is and she accepts (even embraces) it as the best of the available options. I believe that this is exactly what happened when D’Shel came to the Maclay estate. Whatever her past is or was, she felt that bonding herself to the house and offering Dani a future as a highly bonded servant was the best of a bad situation. And in her defense, it does offer Dani an education and the protection of a high level magic user as well as the rest of the Maclay family. Who knows, perhaps D’Shel hoped that Dani would receive magical training along with Tara?

Or more to the point; what is 'freely' when you don't know of any other choice or option??

I think that question is absolutely perfect and in a way is the theme or central conflict of this story.

As for why the Dani doing magic would be 'bad', we don't know. It's something that has never occured before I think based on how servants and noble are clearly seperated.

It is something that has never occurred before at least according to anything Tara knows. I don’t think that she has any evidence that it would actually be a bad thing for Dani to be able to do magic but she assumes that given that only noble women can, it would be bad or at least unnecessarily unusual.

I wonder how strong the 'my will be done' part of the bond will be once it's fully in place. Will Dani even be able to show/tell she doesn't want to do something Tara tells her?

Hey, get out of my head! You’re asking all the correct questions here. I totally think that you’re right that Tara doesn’t really get the meaning of the bonding yet. She still sees it as some sort of “we get to be together always…” thing rather than what it really is: Dani is her slave—a well treated slave but still a slave.

I totally agree that there are lot of things that Tara just doesn’t “get” about Dani. She loves her but she doesn’t have any comprehension of Dani’s position or the way Dani’s mind works.

Assuming Tara spoke the truth about herbs not weakening the bond, why aren't servants given them? Surely the estate can afford to give them and they don't seem to enjoy torturing their servants so whats the reasoning there??

That’s an excellent and perfect question. I’m not 100% sure that Tara is speaking the truth about the herbs weakening the bond. She is speaking the truth as far as she knows but so is Dani. I figure that it’s either 1. Dani speaks the truth which everyone believes which is why the servants submit to the pain and the nobility don’t provide pain killers for their beloved servants. 2. Dani speaks the truth and everyone believes something which is based on a myth or long-held belief which is not actually true but since everyone believes it, they follow it. Either way, it’s a belief which either Tara has not heard and investigated or which she rejects in spite of the obvious widespread acceptance of it. Who knows? Perhaps 983 years ago there was a servant to was given herbs and who years later betrayed his/her master (or was rumored to) and ever since it has been accepted as fact that herbs weaken the bond. I guess I could go back and write that mythology but…

Dani will need some attention from the healer anyway.

Yes. That attention will be given in the morning. I promise. A good point about the water/ice chips. I hadn’t really thought about it and now wish I can’t.

I think you make excellent points in response to Vale’s question regarding Dani’s free will and her concept of her free will (such as it is). And honestly, I don’t believe that at the point of the bonding Tara even has such a concept: that Dani has lost free will and may not be acting within her own. So I think you’re very accurate in your prediction of angst ahead.

Btw. Debra how did ever think up this entire DebraVerse and the servant/mark/bonding thing?? Based on some of your replies clearly a LOT of thought went into this.

Interesting question. Most of my writing thoughts come to me somewhat unbidden and at kind of a firehose pace. In other words, they just start in my head and build themselves while I’m sleeping or whatever. That’s the way it was with Paths and with S&S both. S&S actually wrote itself in about 24 hours from the time I had the first inkling of a thought to the time I posted the story on the board.

In the case of this story, I was pushing the stroller, walking the baby to the moonwalk park about a ½ mile from our house. It was too crowded so we walked back home and then back to the park at the school. During that time I started with a thought and began to ask myself questions. That initial question had to do with BDSM fiction. Frequently if you read that type of story, there are comments or wishes for actual ownership. I started to ask myself, “what if that was actually a possibility?” Then I thought that if it were an actual possibility, what would that world be like? There would have to be magic but how would one actually own their servant? How would that work? What would the hierarchy be? What is the setting? What are the rules? The image of the marks and the way that the marks on the noble man’s hand and the bonded servant’s hip would match kind of filled my head. Then I started to ask myself what would be the problems with this setup? What are the dark sides of that society? What would cause angst? What would be the central conflict? And all those questions that lead to writing a story…

I’m not sure if that helps at all but …

Thanks so much. I certainly plan to finish the story this year! Thanks.

[Second Fig]

I love this story. You mentioned the Willow tree and I was waiting for the big revealing moment about how she got another name. In the end I am kind of glad that you kept “Dani” because it separates the two different characters and I have become attached to it! It is interesting that as you progress through the story it seems like each installment is more a block of time, different from the first chapters which were more narrative, Tara telling us what she knew. This last installment, utilized that whole “showing not telling” thing and it made it that much more powerful.
Wild speculation ahead! I can feel there is going to be some self-sacrifice (or perceived self sacrifice) on Tara’s part as she becomes more aware of the situation through their bond… No wait, don’t tell me, I like surprises… I think.