Title: Season 7
Author: snippygal
Rating: Regular font - PAX - PG/
Italics - Kitten-vision - R Disclaimer: The characters in this story are property of Joss Wheedon, ME, and Fox. The ideas expressed in this story are mine -- you can tell cuz they’re funny and lesbians don’t die.
Spoilers: Joss Wheedon .. oh, you mean, ha ha. Not those kind of spoilers. Boy is my face red. Yes - Season 7 spoilers, of the fake kind.
“BUFFY” Episode 7.10 - “Thinned Plots”
LAST TIME:
Giles transports the cage, then joins the others at the table to continue researching, which is interrupted by Anya, who abruptly enters the library and stops in front of them. He hands rest on her hips and she loudly taps her foot.
“Ahn?” Xander asks, a little afraid.
“Xander! I haven’t seen you for days! I need to have sex!”
Xander blushes and sinks into his chair. “Um, why don’t you wait in the office. I’ll be in there in just a sec.”
Anya lets out a huff, races into the office and slams the door.
“Bloody hell,” Giles says. “You’ve turned my office into some sort of bathhouse.”
Xander looks up. “What are you talking abou --”
Suddenly, the loudest, most horrid scream echoes throughout the library, threatening to break every window.
“Looks like she found Willow and Tara,” Buffy says.AND NOW:
Anya runs out of the office and slams the door.
“What in God’s name are you people trying to do to me? Do you hate me? Xander, why do your friends hate me?”
“It’s Willow and Tara,” Buffy says without looking up from her book. The book has pretty pictures and she’s mesmerized.
“Well, sure, Willow. That stupid bitch has always hated me because she wants Xander’s penis. Lesbian, my ass. But Tara? She’s my best friend. Sure, we’ve never really done anything to indicate that we're best friends, but I’m sure I’ll make her my old maid of honor.”
“That’s just maid of honor, honey,” Xander corrects. As usual.
“Oh please, like Tara’s ever going to get married. Not legally anyway. She and Willow can be lesbian old maids together.”
“Brings new meaning to the game,” Buffy says. “Wait a minute. What do you mean, maid of honor?”
“Xander and I are getting married!”
Xander’s face whites out. He begins to stutter incoherently.
“Since when?” Buffy asks.
Anya digs her ring out of her pocket and puts it on her finger, gazing at it lovingly. “Xander proposed when he thought the world was going to end. I don’t think he has much faith in you, Buffy.”
“Why didn’t you guys say anything?” Buffy wonders through a glare to Xander.
“Xander wanted to wait. And he seems to know best. It doesn’t make me think for one second that he would want to back out of this or that he wouldn’t make a very mature, grown-up husband.”
Giles quietly smirks to himself, knowing better, but to be honest, he just doesn’t care enough to get involved anymore.
“So, why do Willow and Tara hate me?”
“Ahn, honey - they don’t hate you. No one hates you --”
“I do,” Giles and Buffy state together, matter-of-factly.
“-- The bunnies ARE Willow and Tara.”
“Oh,” Anya says simply. “Too much sex.”
The group looks up, as they tend to do when either allowing a joke to pass or show humor when someone has knowledge they shouldn’t. It’s supposed to be very funny. It rarely is.
Giles is the first to speak. “Anya, how do you know about that?”
“Well, I am the resident sex maniac, aren’t I? And I am the oldest. So blah. They had too much sex. Let the sex spell be ended.”
There is a small clatter from Giles’ office. After a few seconds, Willow and Tara walk out rubbing their necks.
“Oh my,” Giles cocks his head at the two unbunnied girls.
“Gee thanks, Anya,” Willow says sarcastically. “Ya think you could have let us out of the cage before you did the spell? We broke it and poor Amy got away.”
“Oh pooh. You two could have done the spell yourself.”
“We were too busy,” Tara says, then hangs her head, too shy to say what they were too busy doing.
---------------------------------------
Meanwhile at the Bronze Posting Board:
MormonNormansays
SOs to PeachyKeenSpike and BibleFaith and DeKnight. Ya still here man? And Joss who is not THE God, but he’s A God. What a great episode last night, huh guys? I mean, Buffy is really taking an interest in her sister and what she’s doing with her life. I think it’s really great. I know I’m thankful for the move to PAX. Now my parents let me watch it.
*Poof*
Happy-Go-Buffysays
DeKnight, don’t you feel that it is the grace of God that allows Buffy to fully embrace life the way she has. I mean, she’s got all these mental problems, but she still finds time to help people. I think that’s great.
StraightIsGreatsays
Giles makes a wonderful librarian. And Xander is really making his life worthwhile as the principal’s assistant. And little Dawn is becoming a real role model for kids. I think it’s wonderful. Go PAX! And go GOD! Thanks for another great ep, DeKnight!
Steven DeKnightsays
MormonNorman - I’m here buddy! And I’m still not wearing any pants! Isn’t that funny!
Happy-Go-Buffy - I think the grace of God is what keeps my pants off! I’m so funny! Love me!
StraightIsGreat - Love the name, man! Did I mention I’m pantsless?
Later Bators! Ha ha!!
*Poof*
---------------------------------------
Back in LA, Angel and Joss practice a new line dance in Joss’s room. Hmm ...
---------------------------------------
That night, Buffy walks home from the library. Spike jumps out from behind the bushes right in front her.
“Spike! What are you doing? You scared me half to death!”
“Well, there was a spider by that tree that scared me all the way to death -- again!” he says pointing to a tree. He regains his composure and walks beside the Slayer. “So, whatcha up to, pet? Something big goin’ on? Some big emergency or baddie hangin’ ‘round your little sis?”
“Spike, I’m calmly walking home. If something were wrong, don’t you think I’d look like I was in a hurry?”
Spike shrugs. “Not particularly. Mostly, you just take your time. ‘Specially when Dawn’s involved.”
“Oh. Well, anyway, no. Nothing’s up. Pretty calm.”
“I overheard a bunch of Shrapnel demons talking about working some mojo and destroying the world.”
“That’s nice,” Buffy sighs, enjoying the evening.
They notice some neon lights and loud music up ahead. They approach a house across the street. It looks like some kind of rowdy house party, only the people around the house are anyone from young demons to middle-aged bankers. Dawn stands out front taking money from the patrons entering. She looks up at Buffy and Spike.
“Janice and I are having a study session!” she yells across the street.
Buffy and Spike nod Dawn’s way and continue on.
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The next day, Willow and Tara rush around the trailer to get ready for the day’s scenes.
“Baby, have you even read the script for today, yet?” Willow asks through a mouth full of toothpaste.
“I was a little busy being furry,” Tara smirks.
“Well, if they have us kissing those guys again, we’re going to have to have a little talk with the writers.”
Tara stiffens a little. Willow doesn’t notice.---------------------------------------
At the Bronze, Willow and Tara sit together with Matt. Point of Grace stands on the stage singing “Our God is an Awesome God”. Doug walks up to the table with an armful of drinks.
“Waters all around,” he says setting down the beverages. “Oh, and Willow - sorry they were all out of lemons, so I got you a lime.”
Willow smiles weakly, faking her enthusiasm with the situation.
“So, Milton,” Willow begins.
“It’s Matt.”
“Right. So, Matt. What’s new with ... everything?”
“Well, I’m working in that hardware store on Main. Did you know that ...”
Matt begins to go on and on about all the different kinds of screws, while Willow plays with her lime and thinks about HER favorite kinds of screws.“Willow? Willow?”
Matt’s voice brings her out of the fantasy. “Wha? Huh?”
“I was just asking if you knew when the hardware store was first built.”
“Oh, um, I forget.”
Tara’s head pops up. “You all realize that time always exists, right? I mean, unless you’re in a dark hole or something. Otherwise, time always exists.”
They all look around at each other.
(You know, because that's funny.) Willow continues on.
“I remember that it was built sometime when I was in grade school," she tells the group, while fondling the lime in her hands.
Tara turns to Doug and politely smiles. “I’m having a wonderful time, Douglas.”
Willow tries to avoid this. She’s knows Tara is just acting, and it’s all for the good of America’s youth or whatever, but she doesn’t have to like it.“But as for an exact date, I forget.”
Tara snaps her head back to Willow, then quickly switches back and forth between Matt and Doug. “Willow and I were bunnies yesterday!”
“What?” Doug inquires.
“Um, nothing,” Willow quickly tells him. “Hey! You forgot my muffin. Could you get it for me?”
“Sure,” Doug says and stands to leave.
Tara looks around, confused. “I don’t feel very well.” She holds her head in her hand. Willow’s concern is apparent.
“Let’s go splash some water on your face,” Willow offers.
They leave just as Doug comes back.
Inside the bathroom, Willow wets a paper towel and holds it against Tara’s head. “How’s that, sweetie? Feel better?”
“Yeah. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s kind of like when you put that forget spell on me. But I know you didn’t do that.”
Willow gulps loudly. Her eyes get all shifty in that cute little way. “Yup. No spells here. Spell free.”
“I guess I’m just tired. We can go back out there, now.”
“Okay,” Willow says. “But first ... ?”
Tara half-smiles and they have a quickie in the bathroom.
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Back at the asylum ---
Joss and Angel land with a thud in the bed. They giggle like schoolgirls. Their chest heave with their lack of breath. Even Angel. Although he is a vampire and does not require air to breathe.
“Gosh, Angel. I had no idea you could dance like that.”
“I learned to dance from Faith.”
“Who’s Faith?”
“You know, Faith. Hot little skank Slayer.”
“What’s a Slayer?”
Angel sits up. “Joss, what have they been doing to you in here?”
“Shock therapy. To make me sane again. And help me realize that I’m not a feminist. I’m actually a homophobic sexist bastard. And I’m kinda cocky.”
“So how much do you remember?”
"Remember about what?"
END OF 7.10
---------------------- She settled for second best and so she found me - John Wesley Harding
by snippygal » Sat Sep 14, 2002 2:09 pm 
Oh, and here's an idea...right before Willow and Tara get turned back into people, you could have Tara sing this: 
I'm soo sad, I know this. I won't take up your thread with anymore of this talk, sorry.
That is absolutely classic! 