Disclaimer: Buffy, Dawn, Willow, Tara and all the other Scoobies belong to Joss and whoever else holds the rights. I simply borrowed them and plan to give them back in better shape then they where left.
Timeline: Everything up to “Wrecked” and “Doublemeat Palace”
Rating: heavy “R” for Willow Tara goodness.
Warning: A tad on the heavy side for a depressed Willow.
What Dreams Are Made of
It had been a dream. One of those dreams that your not sure if it boarders on reality or nightmares. Willow Rosenberg had woken in the same state she had since the night Tara had left. Panicked, sweaty and feeling like her world was collapsing. In a way it was. Everything that she had done, had been done the easy way. Tying a shoe, downloading a search online or even her homework and tests had been done using Magick. Now everything was different. Colder and harder then she remembered even getting herself out of bed was done with great difficulty, if it was done at all.
This is where the root of our story lies, in a place where dreams and reality mingle, where nightmares come to being, and magick is the root of this all.
Night time was the worst for Tara Maclay. Now the nights consisted of crying and lonliness when before they had been filled with love. It was different now that she had moved back to her dorm. The old memories had been cleared away, mainly consisting of Willows things that she had thrown into the back closet. There was only one light on in the small dorm room now. She had been attempting to work on her Modern History project when it was due at the end of the term, which happened to be tomorrow. Everything had been blown out of proportion when she left Willow. Sometimes she wondered why she even had. If she'd just kept her mouth shut, things would have been fine. But it was her conscience that told her differently. It was her very soul that told her not to continue down the dark path that Willow had started down. Dawn had called her the pervious night and the conversation still weighed heavily on her mind. Buffy had caught the redhead in the bathroom with an old metal protractor. The kind that is usually rusty, and could actually do some serious damage, which is why schools changed to plastic. Tara still remembered hearing how worried the teenager had been. 'She wouldn't let me in the room. Buffy, she kicked the doorframe in to get too her.' The blonde wiccan sat down as she recalled the conversation. It had hurt, but there wasn't anything she could do except go back to her ex.
But that wasn't possible at the moment. She couldn't fathom the idea of returning to someone who had completely violated her trust as much as Willow had. The history book was left untouched as it had been lately, and she got up finally and paced the room. Tara had wanted to call the house, to check on Dawn and see how Willow was doing. But part of her was afraid that the redhead would pick up, and know that Dawn had called Tara. It seemed like an hour later that Tara decided to make up her mind, and call.
Dawn Summers was fifteen. She had a crush on a vampire. Her sister was the Slayer. Her friends consisted of a construction worker, a Bunny Hater , and two lesbian Witches. Well, one ex witch. Was it a wonder that she was failing in school? Brown orbs constricted as they attempted to decipher her Spanish reading one more time.
The phone had been ringing off the hook, between Willow’s parents, the doctors, Giles and everyone that she could think of and she answered it with: “No, Willow’s not here, Buffy isn’t either and Mrs. Summers passed away a few months ago.” Tara blanched on the other end. “Dawnie, honey?” Dawn couldn’t hold it in any longer. All she wanted was for things to be back to normal. Tara had almost been a surrogate mother. “B..Buffy took Willow to the hospital….I.. I wanted to call you but…Willow didn’t want me to say anything.” The sentence was spilled out rather quickly and Dawn covered her mouth, as if Tara could see it. “Dawn…w..what?” Tara sat down on her chair, rather hard. Dawn tried vainly to think of some sort of cover up but failed miserably. “ After..what happened. I mean, she got all weird Tara. She’s not Willow right now.” Tara took in everything that Dawn was saying and it did make sense. Without the Magick, it would be a very long time before Willow was feeling like herself. “Dawn?” Tara questions the silent girl. “ Dawnie do..do you want me to come over?” Tara should talk to Buffy, not just get things from hearsay. “A…Are you sure? I mean, I know Buffy wants to talk to you. I just things are kind of crazy right now.” Dawn sighed and leant against the counter. “ I mean, at least until Spike comes over?” Tara managed a small smile “ I’m sure. I-I’ll be over as soon as I can.” Tara hung up the phone then. Dawn did need someone to be there with her. The two had done a lot of bonding over the time her and Willow where together and she was out the door as soon as possible.
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Disclaimer: Buffy, Dawn, Willow, Tara and all the other Scoobies belong to Joss and whoever else holds the rights. I simply borrowed them and plan to give them back in better shape then they where left.
Timeline: Everything up to “Wrecked” and “Doublemeat Palace”
Rating: heavy “R” for Willow Tara goodness.
Warning: A tad on the heavy side for a depressed Willow.
What Dreams Are Made of
Chapter two
Hospitals always reminded Tara of her mother. The cancer had been drawn out, and most of the time was spent in the hospice section. She had picked up Dawn, despite what Buffy had told the girl and both now where sitting in the waiting room. Their ears filled with sounds of beeping and ringing phones.
It seemed hours that Buffy came out from the suicide watch ward. “ Dawn I thought I told you to stay at home!” Buffy was angry. Tara knew it wasn’t really about Dawn, but she wasn’t so sure that Dawnie knew. “B..Buffy I b-brought her..” Damn that stutter; the blonde thought as she stood and smoothed down her wrinkled skirt. Buffy calmed down some, knowing it might be best actually, and gently pulled Tara to the side. “ She, took a turn for the worst. Its’ my fault. I should have been home more. I should have taken care of my best friend..but I was too busy…” Buffy had almost said exactly what she had been too busy doing, or more precisely whom; but her and Tara had already had this discussion. It had been one she didn’t plan on a repeat performance of and definitely not in front of her sister. “ B…b…Buffy it’s mine. If…If anything.” Tara shook her head. This wasn’t the time to be placing blame on either of them right now. It was then that a rather young looking doctor asked which one of them was Ms. Summers.
It seemed an eternity later when Buffy finally emerged from the office and approached Tara nervously. “ Can you take Dawn home? Please Tara?” The blonde Wiccan could only nod, and she could hear protest forming from the teenager. “Dawnie, just don’t right now? Please?” Dawn sighed and bit her tongue. She wanted to stay and be there for Willow and everyone, but no one was letting her. It was then, finally, that Buffy pulled Tara aside.
“They..they want to keep her over night. You know, suicide watch, or whatever they called it.” Taras’ eyes met Buffys’ for just a moment. “W..will she be a..alright?” Stupid questions Tara. That’s all you can think of to ask when your ex girlfriend tries to commit suicide? “I hope so. Something is really wrong. And I don’t think that it’s anything we can talk about here. I mean. To everyone else, they just see some depressed kid. I know she’s having a hard time. But there’s more too it then just that. There has to be.” Buffy was saying this and trying to get herself to believe it at the same time. “I-I’ll take her home.” Tara said it rather quickly. She couldn’t deal with this right now, and Buffy just nodded. The Slayer had a sinking feeling that it was more then just depression here. That it was more then anything either of them could handle.
Rack smiled. He had a line almost out the door of his cloaked apartment, and Strawberry had just tried to commit an act that would bring her closer to him then before. Lazy, black orbs shifted to Amy, who at the moment was enjoying a taste of his power. “ I want her, and I want you to bring her back for me.” He tightened his hand for a moment and left the girl gasping on the floor. “I can try, but Willow asked me to-“ He interrupted her. “I don’t care what Strawberry asked. Give and take, remember?” All Amy Madison could do was nod. “ I did what you asked! I gave her the gift. I mean, she went all crazy like..” Amy just couldn’t get a complete sentence in when it came to Rack. “Yes, you did. She’s in the hospital.” The brunette looked up at the words. This wasn’t supposed to go that far, was it? “And do NOT question me again.” It was with those words that she was sent back home. This was starting to turn into more then she could handle.
Willow woke up sweating, and gasping for breath as she had done every night since Tara left. This time was different though, there where beeping noises, and people coming in and out of the room almost every five minuets. She hated this. Couldn’t they understand that this hadn’t been about killing herself? It’d been about trying to get dark magicks out. True, it hadn’t been to smart of an idea. But she couldn’t think of any other way. The redhead turned her head towards the wall, not wanting to face whichever nurse aid would come in next. It was then that she actually noticed Buffy sitting next to her.
“ Hey.” It was almost inaudible when Buffy finally saw the redhead waking up. It hurt, seeing her lying like this and knowing it was all self inflicted. Emerald orbs met blue for a moment. “ I don’t want to be here. I want to go home.” At that moment Willow sounded, and looked like a child. A child who was hurting and very much lost. “We can’t. I mean, not until tomarrow, maybe.” Willow just sighed and fidgeted with the bandage on her wrist. “Why Will?” she almost didn’t hear the choked question coming from her best friend. She didn’t even have an answer for Buffy, even if the one she gave herself wasn’t good enough. “ I just. I didn’t want to hurt anymore.” It was whispered under her breath. Buffy would have blown up at her best friend, but that was for when she was alone. Or with Spike. That very thought made her cringe. Had things gotten this bad, that neither of them were even really talking to one another? Buffy didn’t have anything to say, instead she got up and sat on the edge of the bed, and gathered her best friend in her arms and just held her while she cried.
Tara was pacing nervously. She’d been pacing since having brought Dawn home, and sending her to bed. It was almost one am and she was pacing Buffys’ kitchen. Had it really all come down to this? That Willow couldn’t talk to anyone anymore? Even her? Finally after an hour of pacing, she went into the closet and pulled out the boxes of books that her and Willow had gathered over the past year. All books on different spells, and magicks. There had to be a way to fix this. “What are you doing??” Dawn had come down stairs to find Tara sitting in the middle of the hallway, magick books scattered around her. “ I-I-I need to fix this. I can’t-can’t watch her hurt anymore.” Dawn couldn’t believe this. Tara was acting like Willow had. “ So your going to use magick? When that’s the reason you left in the first place?!” Dawn was furious. Everything was so messed up and here Tara was trying to use the same thing that had broken their lives. “ Dawnie It’s not like that. There’s a spell, that can transfer the darkness out of Willow. It’s …It’s a good spell.” Dawn just starred at Tara, looking very much like she had been slapped in the face, and after a heartbeat, the slamming of a bedroom door could be heard.
Disclaimer: Buffy, Dawn, Willow, Tara and all the other Scoobies belong to Joss and whoever else holds the rights. I simply borrowed them and plan to give them back in better shape then they where left.
Timeline: Everything up to “Wrecked” and “Doublemeat Palace”
Rating: heavy “R” for Willow Tara goodness.
Warning: A tad on the heavy side for a depressed Willow
*continuation of part two*
Rack smiled. He had a line almost out the door of his cloaked apartment, and Strawberry had just tried to commit an act that would bring her closer to him then before. Lazy, black orbs shifted to Amy, who at the moment was enjoying a taste of his power. “ I want her, and I want you to bring her back for me.” He tightened his hand for a moment and left the girl gasping on the floor. “I can try, but Willow asked me to-“ He interrupted her. “I don’t care what Strawberry asked. Give and take, remember?” All Amy Madison could do was nod. “ I did what you asked! I gave her the gift. I mean, she went all crazy like..” Amy just couldn’t get a complete sentence in when it came to Rack. “Yes, you did. She’s in the hospital.” The brunette looked up at the words. This wasn’t supposed to go that far, was it? “And do NOT question me again.” It was with those words that she was sent back home. This was starting to turn into more then she could handle.
Willow woke up sweating, and gasping for breath as she had done every night since Tara left. This time was different though, there where beeping noises, and people coming in and out of the room almost every five minuets. She hated this. Couldn’t they understand that this hadn’t been about killing herself? It’d been about trying to get dark magicks out. True, it hadn’t been to smart of an idea. But she couldn’t think of any other way. The redhead turned her head towards the wall, not wanting to face whichever nurse aid would come in next. It was then that she actually noticed Buffy sitting next to her.
“ Hey.” It was almost inaudible when Buffy finally saw the redhead waking up. It hurt, seeing her lying like this and knowing it was all self inflicted. Emerald orbs met blue for a moment. “ I don’t want to be here. I want to go home.” At that moment Willow sounded, and looked like a child. A child who was hurting and very much lost. “We can’t. I mean, not until tomorrow, maybe.” Willow just sighed and fidgeted with the bandage on her wrist. “Why Will?” she almost didn’t hear the choked question coming from her best friend. She didn’t even have an answer for Buffy, even if the one she gave herself wasn’t good enough. “ I just. I didn’t want to hurt anymore.” It was whispered under her breath. Buffy would have blown up at her best friend, but that was for when she was alone. Or with Spike. That very thought made her cringe. Had things gotten this bad, that neither of them were even really talking to one another? Buffy didn’t have anything to say, instead she got up and sat on the edge of the bed, and gathered her best friend in her arms and just held her while she cried.
Tara was pacing nervously. She’d been pacing since having brought Dawn home, and sending her to bed. It was almost one am and she was pacing Buffys’ kitchen. Had it really all come down to this? That Willow couldn’t talk to anyone anymore? Even her? Finally after an hour of pacing, she went into the closet and pulled out the boxes of books that her and Willow had gathered over the past year. All books on different spells, and magicks. There had to be a way to fix this. “What are you doing??” Dawn had come down stairs to find Tara sitting in the middle of the hallway, magick books scattered around her. “ I-I-I need to fix this. I can’t-can’t watch her hurt anymore.” Dawn couldn’t believe this. Tara was acting like Willow had. “ So you’re going to use magick? When that’s the reason you left in the first place?!” Dawn was furious. Everything was so messed up and here Tara was trying to use the same thing that had broken their lives. “ Dawnie It’s not like that. There’s a spell, which can transfer the darkness out of Willow. It’s …It’s a good spell.” Dawn just starred at Tara, looking very much like she had been slapped in the face, and after a heartbeat, the slamming of a bedroom door could be heard.
I'm sorry this update took so long, was out of town for the weekend..
Disclaimer: Buffy, Dawn, Willow, Tara and all the other Scoobies belong to Joss and whoever else holds the rights. I simply borrowed them and plan to give them back in better shape then they where left.
Timeline: Everything up to “Wrecked” and “Doublemeat Palace”
Rating: heavy “R” for Willow Tara goodness.
Warning: A tad on the heavy side for a depressed Willow.
Tara was pacing nervously. She’d been pacing since having brought Dawn home, and sending her to bed. It was almost one am and she was pacing Buffys’ kitchen. Had it really all come down to this? That Willow couldn’t talk to anyone anymore? Even her? Finally after an hour of pacing, she went into the closet and pulled out the boxes of books that her and Willow had gathered over the past year. All books on different spells, and magicks. There had to be a way to fix this. “What are you doing??” Dawn had come down stairs to find Tara sitting in the middle of the hallway, magick books scattered around her. “ I-I-I need to fix this. I can’t-can’t watch her hurt anymore.” Dawn couldn’t believe this. Tara was acting like Willow had. “ So you’re going to use magick? When that’s the reason you left in the first place?!” Dawn was furious. Everything was so messed up and here Tara was trying to use the same thing that had broken their lives. “ Dawnie It’s not like that. There’s a spell, which can transfer the darkness out of Willow. It’s …It’s a good spell.” Dawn just starred at Tara, looking very much like she had been slapped in the face, and after a heartbeat, the slamming of a bedroom door could be heard.
Tara starred at the books in utter disbelief. She was sitting in the middle of the hallway, with magick books spread about and was considering working magick on her ex?
“ I could bring her back, there has to be a way.” Willow was muttering to herself as she searched through their seemingly endless collection of books. She hadn’t left the bed in a number of days, and was now sitting in the middle of it, trying vainly to find a way to bring Buffy back. The thought had terrified Tara at the time; Necromancy wasn’t an art she wanted to be a part of. It was dark not to mention dangerous, and all she could do was watch her lover fall deeper into this whole she had dug herself. What had ever happened to being each other’s light?
The memories and emotions flooded Taras’ mind like nothing else ever had. How could she have been so hypocritical? The thought baffled her as she stood shakily, and almost jumped at the sound of the front door slamming. She had to compose herself, and that’s what she did as she headed downstairs to talk to whom she assumed was Buffy coming home.
Rack growled with frustration. He’d been so close; everything had seemingly followed as planned, except for the stubbornness of the blonde one. He leaned back in his chair as he watched one of the weaker of his “clients” disappear as he sent them back home. He had felt the connection with the blonde during one of his trips through Strawberry. Their powers combined had felt incredible and he wanted to feel that again. All he needed Tara to do was cast that “Transference” spell that he had given her. It would have been perfect all of the magicks combined into one person, that he would have complete control over. He needed to have them. He was close with Willow. If she committed suicide, he would have more then just her powers; he would have her soul. But now, there was a change in plans. He would have both of them, and very soon.
know it took awhile. The muse decided to take a vacation. Special thanks goes to Garner for helping with the Beta'd parts.
Now On with the show.
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Home.Home was someplace that Willow had been dreading ever since the doctors told her she’d be released today. Home meant facing Dawn and the rest of the Scoobies. Home meant facing that room, and that bed for another night without Tara.
Willow’s mind reeled at the thought of everything home meant now. Through all of this, she didn’t see any good at all in her being there. Now it was up to her to get herself out of bed and changed into the clothes that Buffy brought.
It was up to her to face the Slayer again, to face herself. Emerald hued orbs stared out the window for several moments as she mustered up what little strength she had to get dressed.
Buffy was waiting rather impatiently. She had given up sitting a long time ago. All these waiting rooms always had hard plastic chairs. Didn’t people think that someone in a hospital might want to be comforted? The chairs weren’t that comforting and she decided that pacing was better.
It was an eternity before Willow finally walked down the hall, in clean clothes and clutching the blood stained ones to her chest. The Slayer stopped pacing finally and walked up to the petite redhead. “Ready to go?” The tension between them gnawed at Willows gut, but all she could do was nod. Not much was said as she signed herself out and waited while Buffy retrieved the car from the lot and pulled around, not wanting her friend to do too much.
It seemed an eternity later that she had signed out, and had that tense first meeting with Buffy, and the car ride seemed to take a lot longer then she expected. Willow was jolted out of her own reverie by the sudden jerk of the Slayer’s foot on the brake. “Sorry, no matter how scary Anya thinks they are, I just can’t run one over.” Willow furrowed her brows in slight confusion, but realized a little late what the Slayer meant as a ferocious looking bunny hopped across the two lanes of traffic, and safely into the wooded area they drove past. “So many people ask for rabbit’s feet at the Magick Box, you’d think she’d realize they aren’t monsters by now.” It was an odd topic of conversation, but it did lighten the thick tension between them.
Now after the semi silent drive home,they just sat in the car, in the Summers
driveway, neither really knowing what to say. “Thanks for picking me up.” It seemed an appropriate ice breaker. The blonde was missing a day of much needed work to come and take care of her. Buffy just nodded and sighed. It’s not like I was going to let you walk home or something.” The tone in Buffy’s voice was almost unrecognizable, a mixture of contempt, love, worry and something else that Willow couldn’t place. She fidgeted with the bandage on her wrist.It
itched, and stung, even with the pain killers the nurses had given her.
“Dawn’s spending the night at ..at a friends.
The Slayer had almost said at Taras’ but she figured that might not be the best person to mention right now. Willow only nodded, it was probably best. She had to adjust to things. It was different, no matter what Buffy said to reassure her. ”I’m sorry, about everything.” The apology was so sincere and said with such a soft voice that Buffy was sure she wouldn’t have heard it if she didn’t have Slayer sized hearing. “Don’t be sorry, just get better”. It sounded harsh at first, but it seemed like the right thing to say. Willow could apologize all she wanted, but if she lapsed like this again, apologies where meaningless. “I- I was thinking about going home, I mean, to mom and dads”she actually hadn’t thought about her parents in awhile, but it seemed odd to be in the place where she’d practiced magick. Where she’d hurt Dawn and her friends. “Are you nuts? Willow who’s going to help you over there? I mean, come on Will, your mom tried to burn you at the stake..” Willow just sighed. “That really wasn’t them Buffy, I mean, your mom did too..” The thought of Joyce silenced both of the friends for a minute. “If it’s what you really want, I can’t stop you, but in all honesty I think it would hurt Dawn if you left.” Dawn still wasn’t speaking to Willow, but that was a teenager thing. Get mad and don’t talk. It was also an excuse because Buffy used it as a back up, knowing it would hurt her also if her best friend left. “I don’t want to hurt Dawn again, I never wanted to in the first place.” Willow sighed and ran lithe digits through red locks.“It’s just hard, being here, in that room, that bed” her throat closed at the thought of facing the bed she’d shared so many nights with Tara in. Buffy nodded in understanding. “I know Will, but we need to move on. It was hard when Angel left, but I moved on.”she just trailed off. She’d moved on to another vampire. Maybe they did give her the hots after all. “I don’t think I can.” It was with those words said that Willow got out of the car and headed into the house, not really sure
where her next steps would take her.
by mscheckmate » Sat Oct 19, 2002 11:32 am 
Im feeling strong and cooled-off enough to read more 
Just to take a shower again 
But I like being wet...um...yeah
-Viv- 